Tuesdays with Johanna
by evitascarlett
Summary: A Redemption Universe Story: Rick Castle is determined that despite a multitude of misunderstandings and wounded feelings, Johanna Beckett is going to be his "third time is a charm" type of mother-in-law…whether she wants to be or not; because he wants his family to be completely healed and happy before Johanna uncovers the underlying reasons for his mission. CastleFicathon2018
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: I know; I already have three other stories and here I am starting another one; what can I say, I love the Apologize/Redemption universe and I'm happy to stay in it and tell all the stories that come to mind. This story is set in the future of the Redemption universe; we're going to say about a year and a half to two years from current Redemption._

Chapter 1

"Are you really sure you want to go through with this?" Kate Beckett asked her husband as he sat in his usual spot next to her desk late Tuesday morning.

Castle nodded. "Yes, why do you keep trying to talk me out of it?"

"I'm not trying to talk you out of it; I'm just not sure it's going to accomplish what you're hoping for."

"But I won't know unless I try."

Kate sighed and gave him a small indulgent smile. "It could make things worse, you know."

"How can a simple lunch make things worse?" her husband asked.

She leaned back in her chair, swiveling so that she could fully face him. "Don't take this the wrong way but you are somewhat known for sticking your foot in your mouth…especially when it comes to my mother…and she's…well, she's easily offended…when it comes to you."

"Both valid points," he remarked with an acknowledging nod. "But I'm choosing to stay positive. I think I can make this work."

"Why does it matter so much?" she asked. "I mean overall I think things are fine between the two of you."

He gave her a look that suggested that he knew she was blatantly lying. "Things aren't fine and you know it. They haven't been fine for a long time. I already had two mother-in-laws that hated me; I'd like to avoid a third…so if I can salvage things with Johanna, I'm going to try. I'm not just doing it for me; I'm doing it for all of us."

"How do you figure?"

"It can't escape your notice that she doesn't visit unless she's with your father…and that she stays glued to his side the entire time and acts very reserved…which obviously means that she's not comfortable in our home and the only reason I can see for that is me."

"Did you ever think that maybe the problem is her?" Kate suggested.

"Yes; that's how I've been functioning in regard to her…that she's just a woman who holds a grudge and wishes to avoid her enemies but in this case it's hard for her to do since her daughter married the enemy."

"Castle; I really don't think my mother sees you as an enemy. You know how she is…when she thinks someone doesn't like her, she just tries to keep her distance and I think that's what it boils down to. There have been a lot of little incidents…a few big ones…and she thinks that you don't like her and I'm pretty sure she feels that way about Martha too and so no, she doesn't like to come over because then you both have to be around her and she gets uncomfortable in her own skin because she's trying not to act a certain way. She doesn't want trouble or drama and so she just stays at Dad's side and says as little as possible. Trust me; I've known her longer than you have."

"Yes, I know…but I'm the one who upset her enough that she temporarily boycotted our wedding."

Kate smiled. "She showed up…she even danced with you at the reception."

"She didn't enjoy it."

"Well to tell you the truth, neither one of you looked like you were enjoying it so I really don't know why you asked her."

"She could've declined."

"In front of me and everyone else? No way; she'd rather silently suffer than cause anyone else distress."

"Why is she so damn complicated?" he sighed. "Why can't she just like me? Your dad likes me…for the most part…doesn't he?"

"I would say so," she replied with a nod. "He took you to a baseball game."

Castle smiled. "That was a good day."

"Take the win, Castle; one out of two isn't bad and maybe Mom will loosen up around you in time."

"But I don't want it to be this way," he told her. "I feel like it keeps the two of you from being completely settled in your relationship."

"I think Mom and I are as settled as we're going to get. We're a lot better than we were…probably still not her perfect ideal but that can't be helped. She's just…complicated for lack of better words. She's been that way a lot longer than I originally thought; I think it might date back to birth."

"That's possible but that segment of her life has nothing to do with me."

Kate leaned forward and put her hand on his knee. "Just don't go into this with high hopes okay? She's going this time because I asked her to and she probably figures I'll get mad if she doesn't…so don't count on it becoming a weekly thing that's going to work this out, because I really don't see it happening."

"Wow, way to be supportive," he remarked.

"I do support you, Rick; I just don't want you to go into this lunch thinking you're going to fix whatever is wrong with her because you can't…nothing can apparently; I mean she's been in therapy for over a year and still has some lingering issues."

"Maybe she needs to increase her sessions."

"I think we're lucky she goes once a week," Kate replied; "Let's not push it…and for the love of God, don't suggest it."

Castle nodded. "Definitely not; I know how that went for you when you made the first appointment for her…I believe you mentioned a coffee cup being flung at the wall."

"Yeah, that was fun…but at least it was a wall in the opposite direction from me."

"True; she showed restraint in aiming for the opposite wall."

"That or she was afraid she'd hit Dad if she aimed for me," Kate mused out loud.

"That's possible too."

Kate was quiet for a moment, raking her fingers through her hair before she caught his eye. "I don't want you to think that you have to do this for some reason that relates to me," she said softly; "Because you don't. Mom and I are fine…we have our moments at times but we always get through them. I know she's a little uptight sometimes but I'm sure she'll work it out one day…maybe things are still a little raw from the wedding stuff."

"I can't lie and say that you don't factor into this in some small way because you do; I want these things resolved for your sake…but most of all, I just don't want to have this bad mother-in-law relationship for a third time. I want it to be right this time; I want our family to be unified and I want her to feel comfortable coming to visit, I want her to call, I don't want her to fold up into herself whenever we have to share airspace; it's not good for her and it's not good for me. It makes me feel terrible that I've clearly pushed her to that point, Kate. She's a part of you; she's our family and I don't want to feel like she's just hanging off the edge…so I'm going to do this…we're going to get know each other better, maybe air some grievances and clear things up and hopefully it'll make everything better," Castle stated. "I have faith…and I'm going to make Tuesday lunch with Johanna a thing until she decides that she likes me again."

"If you tell her that right away; she'll like you by the end of lunch today."

He eyed her seriously. "Because that would get her out of future lunches."

"Exactly."

"Then I'll be very careful with my motive."

"Just promise me one thing," she said.

"Name it."

"If it goes bad; you'll just let it go and not force the issue of doing it again next week."

"Okay," Castle agreed. "Today is a trial run; if it goes bad, no week two…but I'm not going to let it go badly. I'm going to win her over again; you'll see."

Kate gave him a smile and swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips, imploring him to call her mother and cancel. She really didn't see this working; it would only disappoint him and then she'd be angry with her mother and that would start a whole new vein of drama that they didn't need. But she couldn't say those things; couldn't dampen his hope or desire to see this mission through…and she'd be lying if she said she didn't wish things were a little more comfortable between the two of them. She'd just have to hope for the best…and wade through the wreckage carefully if it blew up in his face.

* * *

"Do I really have to do this?" Johanna asked while sitting at her vanity in their bedroom.

"It kind of seems that way," Jim replied from his spot at the foot of the bed as he watched her.

"Why am I doing this? It's ridiculous."

"You're doing it because Katie asked you to," her husband responded. "If I remember correctly, she made some sort of statement about our families combining now that she's married and how you're not combining well."

Johanna glanced at him upon hearing the amusement in his tone. "I'm not really sure how to take that statement. Why aren't you being accused of not combining well?"

"I took him to a baseball game and try to ignore some of the past offenses that went down during the wedding planning so I guess I get a pass."

"Teach me your ways," she quipped; "Because I feel really stupid doing this."

Jim gave her a grin. "Sorry, sweetheart; some things you're just born with and getting a free pass that must be one of them."

"Figures; you get a pass and I get to be punished."

"Apparently so," he laughed. "Although I'm not sure lunch can be seen as a punishment; you will get to eat even if the conversation isn't to your liking."

"But still…I doubt it's going to be fun and I could be using that time to grade papers. Rick and I don't have anything in common."

"Yes, you do; you both love Katie."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "That'll kill five minutes…and I'm not always all that convinced that he believes I love my daughter."

"He knows you love her…if he had any really serious doubts about that he'd be a fool."

"Shouldn't you be offended or something that another man wants to meet me for lunch?"

"It's our son-in-law; I'm sure you're safe and that I have nothing to worry about."

"Do you want to go with me?" Johanna asked.

Jim gave a quiet chuckle. "I can't go; I wasn't invited."

"I just invited you!"

"It's not your invitation to extend; besides, you know I have to work this afternoon."

"Do you want to take me to work with you? Because I could return the favor and take you to work with me tomorrow."

He smiled. "Sweetheart; I'd love nothing more than to go to work with you like old times but you have a previous engagement this afternoon. It's just lunch; you'll get through it."

She blew out a breath. "Every time Rick and I attempt to carry on a conversation lately it turns into a disaster. He doesn't like me, and that's fine, he doesn't have to…I don't know why we have to go through this charade of having lunch together to blend me into a family I'm already in."

"I guess maybe because it wasn't always like this between the two of you."

"No, but it is now…and really it didn't surprise me. I've always felt that he didn't care much for me, and like I said, that's fine, I don't mind. Some people just don't mesh well together. He's always going to judge me because of the time I spent in Wyoming; he's always going to look at that as me deliberately hurting Katie…like I enjoyed it somehow. He thinks he's better than me and I just don't like when people do that. No one is better than the next person, no matter how much money you have or what kind of sainthood you ascribe to yourself."

"I don't like that sort of thing either," Jim replied; "But maybe he's realized what he's been doing and he wants to reform."

"Oh yeah, because men just love to reform" she teased.

"Hey, you've made me into a very nice gentleman," he jested. "If it wasn't for your careful training and reforming, who knows where I'd be right now."

Johanna laughed. "Probably in a jail cell with Jeff."

"That's possible," he quipped. "But listen, just give it a chance. If you feel like there's some ulterior motive, do what you always do and ask bluntly. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again."

She sighed once more as she did a final check of her makeup. "I guess really I have to do it for Katie…she'll be mad at me if I don't and I get kind of tired of falling into those holes with her, you know?"

"I know."

Her cat meowed at her feet and Johanna leaned down to pet her. "I know, Scarlett; you hate when I leave you for awhile…I hate it too."

"You'll both be fine," Jim remarked. "What's it going to be, a whole hour if that? You can manage, Sassy."

"I don't have much choice," she remarked as she got up from her seat and crossed the room to grab her purse off the dresser. "I don't want Katie to be mad at me…I do a lot of things so she won't be mad at me."

"Don't we all," he quipped.

His wife smirked as she searched her purse for her keys. "I really don't know why he wants to do this; it's just so out of the blue."

"I think he's trying to suck up to you."

"Then he should send me a gift card for Macy's," Johanna replied. "I'd accept that better."

Jim nodded. "I do always consider that option among the more popular suck up techniques where you're concerned…but in my case, I know if I go straight to gift card, you're going to assume that whatever I did was really bad."

"Not necessarily; it would depend on the amount of the gift card. If it's over a hundred; I'd assume you had royally screwed up."

"If I have to go over a hundred; I'll just go lay down in the driveway and let you drive over me because it must be that bad that I'd deserve it."

Johanna laughed and moved toward him, her hand cupping his jaw. "Don't ever make me have to take you up on that offer."

He grinned. "Hey, I've managed to avoid it this long…hopefully the streak will continue."

"It better," she teased; her fingertips caressing his face. "I love you, you know?"

"I know," he replied; his hands slipping around her waist. "I love you too."

She dipped her head and kissed him, allowing him to draw her onto his lap. "We could both stay home if we really wanted to," she murmured; her arms slipping around him.

"That's always a wonderful offer," he remarked; "But I really do have to go to work…and you have to go let your son-in-law suck up to you so our daughter won't have one of her fits."

"Do you think maybe we weren't stern enough with her?" Johanna asked; "Because I thought we did a good job discipline wise; she got good grades, she didn't do drugs and she didn't get pregnant in high school. I thought we were pretty damn awesome about the whole thing, but her adulthood…well, it's making me question things."

Jim laughed as his forehead gently fell against hers. "I have to admit; I have wondered what went wrong sometimes. I mean, I know we grounded her, we took things away from her, we made her do chores; we had her take babysitting jobs and she worked in your office. She had a curfew, she had to keep her grades up or else. You're right, we were awesome…it must be some malfunction on her side of things. It's definitely not our fault."

Johanna gave a slight nod. "I'm glad we worked that out; I didn't like thinking it was us."

"Me neither, sweetheart; but I'm definitely saying it's her."

"Works for me."

Jim kissed her once more and gave her a soft pat. "Come on, we both better get going."

She sighed. "Well if I can't go with you at least you can walk me to my car before you go get in yours."

He took her hand as they got up from the bed. "Don't forget to let me know that you got there safely."

"I won't," she promised; "And if it goes too badly; I won't hesitate to come find you at work so you can decide if you want to take care of it for me."

Jim smiled and squeezed her hand. "You know where to find me."

* * *

Castle was beginning to think that Johanna wasn't going to show up as he sat at an outdoor table of an upscale café. He frowned as he glanced at his watch; he had been hoping that the nice warm day would be a draw for his mother-in-law; after all, he knew that she enjoyed those outdoor tables when weather permitted. He blew out a breath, the soft breeze ruffling the pages of the small pocket sized notebook that he had been jotting down lines of dialogue in; maybe this hadn't been a good idea. It did seem like he was being stood up…and it felt somewhat out of character for her. He would've thought that she would've at least sent a text giving some excuse for her absence but his phone was quiet.

He tried to turn his attention back to his notebook but he was finding it hard to focus; his mission weighing heavy on his mind. He was on his third marriage…which meant his third set of in-laws. Meredith's mother hadn't been fond of him; she looked down her nose every chance she got and blamed him for any behavior of Meredith's that she didn't like…even if it was a behavior that predated his presence in her life. Despite the woman's misgivings and downright dislike of him, he had done everything possible to keep her involved in Alexis's life…even when Meredith was largely absent. He hadn't gotten any thanks or appreciation for those efforts but he hadn't done it for her; he had done it for Alexis.

As bad as Meredith's mother had been, Gina's had been worse. Castle shuddered at the thought of Nadine Cowell; the woman was colder than Antarctica in winter. There hadn't been any chance of fostering a warm in-law relationship in that area. Nadine had hated him with a passion; declaring that he wasn't good enough for her daughter…that he wasn't in their 'class'. He hadn't cared; in fact he could admit that he took a small amount of pleasure at thumbing his nose at Nadine any time he could; she was one of those people who brought out the worst in you…and he hadn't shed any tears at the thought of no longer being related to her. Of course Nadine hadn't shed any tears either…she had thrown Gina a divorce party. He smirked at the remembrance; he had thrown a party of his own.

With two marriages and two mother-in-laws behind him, he was older and wiser…at least he hoped he was wiser. He knew without a doubt that he had chosen more wisely in the wife department; Kate was everything he could hope to want in a wife. She was everything he hadn't had before; third time was definitely the charm. But with a third wife came a third set of in-laws. Jim was the kind of father-in-law he hadn't had before; kind, humorous…and not afraid to take him to task for anything he didn't like. He seemed to be forgiving since it seemed like he was allowing past incidents to fade away. Yes, Jim was a nice father-in-law. Meredith's father had hated him for getting her pregnant. Gina's father couldn't even bother to get his name right, always calling him Nick instead of Rick. Jim was leaps and bounds better than they were.

But then there was Johanna.

Another sigh crossed his lips; Johanna was…well…she was definitely a mother-in-law, he couldn't help but think. He wondered if she practiced those certain expressions that seemed to be analyzing him or if they were left over from her days in the courtroom. Whichever the case, they were somewhat intimidating…and she was somewhat aloof. She hadn't always been that way; when she had escaped witness protection and came home, things had been okay between them when they met…at least he thought so. Looking back he realized that it had been easy for her to fight back against anything he said or did but he had chalked that up to her being afraid to fight with Jim and Kate. He hadn't minded; he figured it was therapeutic for her…but somewhere along the way, between those days and now, something had gone wrong and their amicable relationship had mostly gone down in flames.

Castle wasn't entirely sure who shouldered the most blame for that; he knew that he had made some missteps…and apparently some of those missteps weren't as forgiven as she claimed. Johanna was one of those women who would smile and say things were fine while secretly holding a grudge. He quickly learned that his mother-in-law forgot nothing and adjusted her attitudes in accordance to whatever faux pas had been made and how much they had offended her. He supposed he wasn't much better; knowing her knack for those silent grudges, he was always quick to see the worst in any situation involving her…and quick to blame her for the outcome.

He didn't want it to be that way; he didn't want his third mother-in-law to hate him as much as the previous two had. In fact, he didn't even consider it an option; he had to salvage things, had to make her like him again. Had to make their little combined family the perfect picture it should be.

If only she would show up.

He checked his watch and was about to grab his phone from the table to send her a text when he caught sight of the waiter headed toward him, Johanna Beckett following along behind him.

Castle tucked his notebook back into his jacket pocket and rose from his chair as they neared the table, allowing a smile to touch his lips despite the fact that Johanna was hiding behind her sunglasses; a habit from her homecoming that she still hadn't broken…one that still drove Kate crazy. "I was starting to think that you stood me up, Johanna," he said lightly as the waiter pulled out her chair.

"I thought about it," she replied before thanking the waiter and accepting her menu.

"What stopped you?" he asked after the waiter told them he'd be back in a few minutes.

"I didn't want to listen to Katie bitch about it," Johanna admitted as she opened her menu.

"Uh huh," he said as he followed suit and opened his menu as well. "Can you take off the sunglasses? I prefer talking to you when I can see your face."

"You can see the majority of my face."

"You know what I meant, Johanna."

She sighed. "Yes, I know; you like to think that Katie is right and that I supposedly hide behind my sunglasses…when in reality I just like sunglasses and get the bonus of protecting my eyes."

"It's not overly bright today; do you think you could do without them for a little while?"

Johanna pulled off her sunglasses and dropped them onto the table. "Happy now?" she asked; her gaze still on the menu.

"Everyone likes seeing your face; you're an expressive person…who probably should've brought her reading glasses because you're squinting at the menu. Do you want me to read it to you?"

"No, I don't," she replied; "I can read it just fine. It might not be all that bright out but the little bit of sun peeking through the clouds casts a glare on these glossy menus…which makes me squint…which is another reason why I wear sunglasses."

"So you want to put them back on until you're done reading?"

"If you can stand to be offended by them for that long."

Castle nodded. "Please do."

Johanna put her sunglasses back on and continued to read the menu until the waiter reappeared to take their order. "Would you like wine?" Castle asked Johanna.

"No, thank you. I'll have a Coke."

"Are you sure? You can get a glass of wine."

"No; I'll have the soda."

"Okay," he replied, giving his attention back to the waiter and requesting the grilled chicken entrée and a glass of iced tea.

The waiter turned to Johanna and she ordered a salad and requested her favored dressing.

"Just a salad?" Castle asked. "Don't you want a sandwich to go with it? You can get something to go with it; it's my treat."

"I'm fine with the salad."

"You'll be finished eating before me; I'm having a meal and you're just having a salad. Get a sandwich; I don't want you going home and telling Jim that I didn't properly see you fed."

She rolled her eyes behind her dark sunglasses and requested a chicken sandwich to go along with her salad in effort to appease him. "Does my lunch meet your approval now?" she asked.

He smiled. "Yes, thank you," he said, giving the waiter a nod in acknowledgment that they were finished ordering.

Silence fell over the table as Johanna pulled off her sunglasses, knowing that if she didn't it would be become an issue again. She tucked them into her purse and laid her bag on the side of the table within easy reach of her fingertips. She wished she could just slip the strap over her shoulder and leave but that wasn't an option; she had to see this through no matter how uncomfortable she felt with the whole thing.

"So, you chose me over Kate's possible reaction if you didn't show up?" Castle commented; desperate to end the silence.

"Looks that way," Johanna replied.

"How are your classes going?" he asked, hoping a quick change of subject would relax things. He knew that she enjoyed teaching law classes at Columbia and figured it would be a good line of conversation to open.

"They're fine but the semester is still in its infancy."

"Are your students nice to you?"

"Yes; they seem to be a nice bunch of kids…of course maybe I haven't made any of them mad yet."

"I'm sure they all like you," he commented.

"I hope so; they're more prone to do their work if they like me."

"What classes are you teaching?"

"Same ones I've been teaching," Johanna answered; "Two Civil Procedure classes and one Civil Rights class."

Castle nodded. "Do you enjoy them?"

"Yes; I like it very much. I always have."

"That's good," he replied. "I know Kate was glad when you were offered the job."

"I'm sure she was," she said. "She likes to make sure I'm busy."

He felt like that was an avenue best left unexplored and so he allowed the comment to pass without response. "Is Jim working today?"

"Yes."

Rick drummed his fingers on the table, feeling the awkwardness that had settled between them. "Did you let him know you got here safely?"

"Yes; I sent him a message as soon as I parked the car. Should you let Katie know that you haven't been stood up?"

He gave her a small smile. "I'll tell her later."

The waiter's return gave them an excuse to fall silent as their meal and drinks were put on the table in front of them. When they were left alone once again, Johanna figured she may as well bite the bullet and get to the bottom of things.

"Why are we here, Rick?" Johanna asked as she fussed with the linen napkin.

"Why are we here?" he repeated; a sense of panic springing to life within his brain. He hadn't properly prepared for that question; he had hoped that he'd be able to keep the conversation going enough to distract her from asking his motivation. He should've known better.

"Well?" she asked. "What's this all about?"

"I…well…I," he said, suddenly stumbling and grasping for words beneath her cool, assessing green gaze.

"You what?"

"I just thought that we should get to know each other better," Castle finally answered.

Her brow furrowed as she brushed back a lock of dark hair that the sudden soft gust of warm breeze ruffled. "We do know each other."

"Yes…technically; but maybe not enough."

Johanna sighed. "Rick, I could be grading papers right now instead of playing silly games."

"It's not a game and I won't keep you too long," he replied. "You'll be home in plenty of time to grade papers and make dinner."

"Good to know but I still don't understand this. If you want to have lunch with a mother, shouldn't it be _your_ mother?"

"I already know as much about my mother as I can possibly know…and some things I wish I didn't know," he said, cringing slightly.

"I think you know everything you need to know about me," Johanna replied. "I'm your wife's mother; I'm happily married, retired attorney, part time law professor, cat owner and occasional family babysitter."

Castle nodded. "You're right, I do know those things…but they don't tell your whole story."

"It's a typical one; I was born, my parents raised me, my siblings tolerated me. I finished high school, went to college and law school; got a job, met a man, married him, had his baby. You know the bad parts, no need to repeat them," she remarked.

Castle smiled. "And here I always had you pegged as a much more descriptive type of narrator, Johanna."

"I suppose looks, or whatever you want to call it, can be deceiving."

He blew out a breath, trying to keep the feeling of exasperation at bay as he looked across the table at his mother-in-law. She was impeccably dressed as always; her floral print dress was tasteful and season appropriate with its thin long sleeves, her feet nestled in her black open toed heels. Her handbag bore a designer name; the gold wedding band and three carat diamond engagement ring on her finger screamed elegance with its simple emerald cut and announced to the world that she had married well. A dainty silver watch rested on her wrist, the diamond encrusted heart pendant Jim had given her for their 35th anniversary sparkled in the autumn sunlight as it laid against the skin the v shaped neckline of her dress left bare. The familiar emerald ring on her right hand caught a shaft of sunlight, as if refusing to be out done. Her hair was cut and layered in its usual style…freshly done, if he had to guess and her designer sunglasses were hidden away in her bag, waiting to be slipped on like they were an old friend.

Johanna Beckett was a stylish woman; there was no denying that. She wasn't the type to flaunt the fact that she had money but her appearance seemed to showcase that she was well off and could afford the finer things in life when it suited her. There was one oddity however, one he noticed quite often and it was the thin silver bracelet that had a small amethyst butterfly charm that dangled from it. She wore it all the time and yet it didn't hold the expensive look that the rest of her jewelry held.

"Is there a story behind that bracelet you always wear?" he found himself asking, nodding at the object on her wrist with her watch.

"This?" she asked; her fingers capturing the small butterfly.

"Yeah; I notice you wear it a lot…I thought maybe it was special or something."

Johanna's thumb caressed the smooth amethyst stone. "It's nearly forty years old," she remarked. "It's the first birthday gift Jim gave me."

"When you were dating?"

"No; we were just friends then."

Castle's brow rose. "Just friends and he bought you jewelry?"

"What of it?" she asked; her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Nothing," he hurriedly replied. "I just…figure that you must've been a very special friend in this case."

"I was…and I still am."

"Of course," he remarked. "Jim's very lucky to have found you."

"Uh huh."

"I meant that sincerely."

"Sure you did; but let's get back on track here. Are you trying to suck up to me for some reason?" Johanna asked.

His eyes widened slightly. "Who said I was trying to suck up to you?"

"It was Jim's suggestion if you must know. Is that what this is about? Are you trying to suck up to me?"

"No!"

"Then why this sudden lunch meeting?"

"I told you; I think we should know each other better."

She scoffed. "Is that the story for publication? The one you'd think I'd rather hear instead of the real reason?"

"You think I'd tell you something that I think you'd want to hear instead of the truth?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Look, Rick; I don't tell Katie that I go to therapy once a week because I like to; I do it because it's what she wants to hear…it makes life easier…catch my drift?"

"This isn't like that at all," Castle replied; and then as her words sunk in, he met her gaze with a curious look of his own. "Wait, what do you mean you _tell_ Kate that you go…you _don't_ actually go to therapy?"

Johanna shifted in her seat, realizing what she had slipped up and accidentally revealed. "I didn't say that."

"I'm pretty sure you did."

"You can't prove anything."

Castle laughed. "Sounds like a confession."

She pursed her lips and silently cursed herself for the faux pas. "Fine, I don't go to therapy but Katie doesn't need to know that; so you just forget that you know it or we're going to have a problem."

"We already have problems," he replied. "That's what this is about."

Johanna sighed; her fingers brushing across her forehead, feeling the stirrings of a headache forming. "We don't have any problems, Rick. We're fine."

Castle shook his head. "No, we're not, Johanna. We both know that I've made some errors with you…and it's not something I enjoy living with."

She pasted a patient smile on her lips. "If you think I'm harboring some ill will toward you, I'm not. Everything is fine."

"It's not," he insisted. "You're not comfortable with me. That's why you can't stand to sit at this table and have a conversation with me while sharing a meal."

"That's not true; I just find this whole thing odd."

"Why is it odd?" he asked.

"Because son-in-laws don't invite mother-in-laws to lunch. Jim never took my mother to lunch without me."

His brow rose as he reached for his mug of coffee. "Surely you don't think that I have nefarious reasons for meeting with you."

Johanna hesitated. "I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to interpret that statement."

The woman could try the patience of a saint, he thought to himself as he tried to carefully compose a statement that would satisfy her. "I meant that you seriously can't think that I invited you here with the intent to somehow hurt you or put you in an awkward position."

"Of course not."

"Surely you can't be concerned with what people will think."

"People will think what they want," Johanna replied; "But you are somewhat of a high profile person and I still suffer some infamy…I'm sure that someone somewhere will make something of it."

"Anyone who makes something of it is a fool," Castle remarked; "And if you want to talk about what people will think, well, how will it look to people if it seems like I have a bad relationship with my mother-in-law?"

"Honest," she replied without hesitation.

"Honest? How do you figure?"

"Mother-in-laws are notorious for being unpopular; no one would bat an eye if they thought you had that type of relationship with your mother-in-law."

Castle eyed her. "I've already had that relationship with two mother-in-laws."

Johanna shrugged. "So you should be used to it?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to be used to it. I want it to be different this time. You're my third mother-in-law, Johanna; you're going to be the charm."

"So what you're saying is that since they failed, I have to be tormented so I can fit some ideal?"

He smiled. "It's not torment if the person you have to put up with is charming and handsome."

"I already put up with charming and handsome; I'm married to him," Johanna remarked.

"I walked right into that one," Castle remarked as he stabbed his fork into a piece of his chicken. "But it really can't be so bad to have lunch with me, can it? I'm not asking for much…I mean I haven't asked for blood, money or your first born."

Johanna leveled him with a serious stare. "You have more money than me and you already took my first born."

"Were you like this in the courtroom?"

"Yes."

"Did you win a lot?"

"I didn't keep track but I won a good bit."

"I can see why," he said with an exasperated laugh.

"I assure you that I didn't annoy the judges into ruling in my favor; I won because I was good at my job."

"I never doubted that, Johanna. But really, I want to have a better in-law relationship with you than I had with the last two."

"Mhmm."

"Why are you so suspicious?"

Johanna met his eye. "I had in-laws, Rick. I know how this works. One minute you're invited to dinner and the next minute you're being fed something you're allergic to."

"I swear Kate didn't tell me you were allergic to pecans!" he exclaimed. "I would've never fed you something that had pecans in it if I had known!"

"I was referring to my mother-in-law's pecan poisoning of me," she remarked; "But thanks for the reminder that we came full circle with your pecan incident…which Katie says she did tell you about."

"I swear she didn't tell me! I'm telling the truth!"

"She says she told you."

"You're going to take her word over mine?" he asked; pressing a hand against his chest.

"Yes, she's my daughter; you're…well…you're not related to me by blood."

"I'm related by marriage though."

"You weren't then but I'm aware that you are now; it seems to cause you distress."

Castle shook his head. "I'm not distressed…but you do exasperate me."

"Good, then I'm doing the mother-in-law thing right," Johanna replied.

He sighed deeply. "I didn't realize that was the type of mother-in-law you hoped to be."

"Honestly I didn't have any specific notions about what type to be, it just worked out this way. Chalk it up to good training from _my_ mother-in-law."

He frowned. "But rumor has it that you two weren't…shall we say…bff's?"

Johanna laughed. "We were far from bff's."

"And that's what you're going for?"

"Am I supposed to want you to be my bff?" Johanna asked. "Don't you think that would be weird?"

Castle closed his eyes. "No; that's not what I was suggesting. I was asking if an acrimonious relationship was what you were going for."

"No; I never seek out acrimonious relationships…they just seem to find me all on their own."

"It doesn't have to be that way with us; after all, Kate has a harmonious relationship with her mother-in-law."

Johanna smiled coolly. "I'm aware of Katie's harmonious relationship with Martha."

"You don't have to say it like it's a bad thing."

She smirked. "I know how it is; Martha's the good mother, I'm the bad one. She's the saint, I'm the sinner. I get it. But it's okay; I was the good girl for the majority of my life and now I'm the bad one and I'm okay with that. Bad is good sometimes."

"Does Jim think so?"

A sly smile crossed her lips. "Trust me, he loves me when I'm bad," she replied flippantly; her tone carrying a lilt that made him cringe a little.

"I'm not touching that one," Castle remarked. "My point was that Kate has a good relationship with my mother and I feel like I'm doing okay with Jim…but then there's you…"

Johanna nodded. "I've always been an exception to every rule."

"I don't want you to be an exception," he replied. "I want you to like me."

"I like you just fine, Rick."

Castle eyed her. "Yeah; that's _your_ story for publication but everything else about you says otherwise."

Johanna rolled her eyes as she sipped her soda. "If anyone doesn't like someone, it's the other way around. You don't like me and I'm okay with that. I don't lose any sleep over it. You're Katie's problem, not mine."

Castle stared at her for a long moment. "Her problem?"

She sighed. "It was an expression, Rick; not a literal interpretation of the word."

"And yet it still speaks volumes."

"Only in your imagination…which you have to admit is very vivid and active as your profession requires."

"I never said that I didn't like you, Johanna," he remarked.

"You don't have to say it; it comes through loud and clear but like I said, I don't care. It doesn't bother me. I've made my peace with a lot of things and I go on about my business."

"You've made your peace," Castle repeated; "And without the benefit of those therapy appointments you kept telling Kate you were going to?"

"Yes; I have other avenues of therapy that suit me better…but if you're so big on therapy perhaps you can get an appointment with Dr Burke and find out why you need everyone to like you to your specifications…you seem to want people to be somewhere between cheerleader and super fan."

Castle smirked at her. "Kind of like how you still want Kate to adore you like she did when she was six and think that you're super mom with no faults or flaws."

Johanna laughed. "Oh, honey; I got over that long ago; but apparently I hit a nerve for you."

"Not at all," he smiled. "How's your sister doing? Oh…wait…I forgot; you don't have much contact with her because her husband is controlling and she doesn't seem to think you're worth the effort of breaking free of his demands…because she's still not sure if she hates you or not despite once publicly declaring that you'd be forever dead to her."

The comment wiped the smile from her lips, her heart stinging a little at the mention of Colleen as she remained silent.

"What's wrong, Johanna; hit a nerve?" he asked.

She smirked at him. "Don't go thinking that you know everything about my sister and I because you don't; but I will tell you that if I had to choose between you and her to go through this lunch time charade with; I'd pick her every time."

"Really?" he asked. "You'd pick the person who said you were still dead to her? I've never said anything like that."

"No; but there are times when you make it very clear that you'd prefer it if I was still playing dead in Wyoming."

"I've never said anything like that," Rick said; his tone clipped.

"I didn't say you said it; I said you made it clear."

"Oh," he smiled; "More of Johanna Beckett's "I believe it was implied" delusions."

"No; I don't believe it was a delusion when you stood in a hospital hallway and told me that every bad thing in my daughter's life was my fault…and that she had gotten hurt that day because of a connection to my past and how you'd appreciate it if I'd make a list of all the people I've managed to piss off in my life so that you can be on alert for them and save her from them. Yeah…I'm pretty sure that wasn't a delusion…that one really happened."

Castle closed his eyes for a moment, the memory sweeping across his mind; it hadn't been one of his finest moments, that was for sure. "It was a bad moment; I was upset about Kate being hurt…"

"So was I," she said sharply.

"I know; but I took my emotions out on you and I was out of line. I did apologize to you."

"Yes, I remember your apology."

"You don't think I was sincere?"

"Honestly?" Johanna said as she met his eye. "I don't think you were. I'm sure you're sorry you said it to my face…and sorry that you said it in front of Ryan and Esposito because I could hear Esposito tearing into you for it as I walked away. I'm also sure you're sorry that Esposito then told Jim and he read you a very nice riot act. So, really, I think you're just sorry that you said it out loud. I have no doubt that you meant it…and yes, I know, I accepted your apology…but apologies don't erase the words from my memory, so stick that in your delusions and smoke it."

He was silent for a minute as he digested her statement; noting that she carried on with eating her salad as if she calmly called people on their misdeeds all day long and it no longer fazed her. "For what it's worth, even if you don't believe me; I am sorry and I never should've said things like that to you. You didn't deserve that and I had no right. I know that it's a memory that will always stick with you and I'm deeply sorry for that…but I do hope that we can move past it."

"We did; I didn't object at the wedding," Johanna remarked as she laid down her fork so that she could pick up her sandwich for a bite.

"I'm glad you didn't but I know you would've had more than that one reason to do so…I'm also glad that you decided to show up…considering that incident at the dress shop when you declared that you weren't going to come…and seemed very serious about sticking to that proclamation."

"Oh I was very serious," she stated.

He chewed a bite of his grilled chicken before speaking once more. "What did change your mind about coming?"

"I love my daughter," Johanna replied. "I love her and she's my only child…it's the only wedding Jim and I had to look forward to…and as my husband mentioned that morning; it might be her only wedding."

"What did he mean by might be? He doesn't think we're going to last?"

She smiled. "He didn't say that…he just wasn't a big fan of yours at that moment in time, Rick."

"I'm glad he's given me a chance to redeem myself."

"Jim's nice like that," she replied.

"And you?"

"I don't worry much about being nice anymore; it doesn't get me anywhere but stepped on. I operate on the terms that if you respect me, I'll respect you. If you don't respect me; you get whatever you deserve in return."

"You do leave the door open for forgiveness though…don't you?" Rick asked.

"Yes; if I feel like someone really deserves that forgiveness."

"And do I meet the criteria or is it too soon to tell?"

"I told you, Rick; we're fine," Johanna remarked. "I don't know why you don't accept it or believe it, but we are."

He shook his head. "You know that's a lie…why do you keep lying about it?"

"I'm not lying!" she hissed. "Maybe the problem isn't me; maybe it's you. Why can't you accept anything I say? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to like me; I want us to get past all the bad things. I want you to be a fully involved member of our family…because right now it's like you hang off the edge…and you're only hanging on because you keep hold of Jim's hand…kind of like how you stay glued to him when you visit."

"I'm glued to my husband anywhere we go together," Johanna retorted. "I love him; I always want to be near him. We've always been that way."

"Maybe, but you can't deny that your visits are few and far between and that you don't add much to the conversation when you're present."

"Maybe that's because I don't feel that anyone wants to hear my thoughts or opinions…did you ever consider that? Did you ever consider that maybe I just don't feel all that welcome in your home?"

He had known all along that she wasn't comfortable in his home…but hearing it confirmed was a feeling he couldn't quite describe. "You don't feel welcome?"

"No, I don't...and you clearly don't like being in my home because God knows you and Katie have turned down enough invitations. It always has to be at your home…like my table isn't good enough," Johanna replied. "But it's fine, I don't mind. I've got plenty of family and friends who enjoy eating at my table."

"We've ate at your house, Johanna."

"Yeah; once in awhile to appease me so I'll stop issuing invitations to Katie for awhile. I'm not stupid; I know how it is. You want to act like everything is all on my shoulders…but it's not; you all have your share of the blame if we're not living up to your Brady Bunch ideal."

"Fair enough," Castle said with a nod as he took his notebook and pen from his pocket once more. "We all have things to work on…and we're definitely going to work on making you feel welcome in our home."

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm making a list of things we need to work on," he remarked. "Number one is we're definitely going to work on making you feel welcome in our home."

"It's not a big deal," she replied. "I wouldn't visit a lot anyway; Katie doesn't need her mother in her house all the time."

"You know; you say that everyone has some blame; which is true…and yet you then make excuses to keep it that way. Why?"

"I just don't want anyone to feel like they have to go out of their way for me," she answered. "I'm going to be okay no matter what…that's a lesson I managed to learn without the benefit of those therapy sessions."

Castle sighed a little; this was going to be harder than he thought. "Maybe we should talk about the therapy thing another time," he commented. "In fact I'm going to add that to the list…along with the hospital incident because that clearly still isn't resolved."

"I really don't think you need to make a list," Johanna stated.

"Oh I think I do," he replied. "Do you want a piece of paper to make your own list?"

Johanna met his gaze. "I have all the lists I need stored in my brain, Rick."

"Okay then," he replied; "Moving on…well, actually, moving back to our discussion about you not feeling welcome. I wouldn't say it would be going out of anyone's way to make you feel comfortable in your daughter's home. You were comfortable living with her for several months when you came home from Wyoming."

"Not at first," Johanna replied. "I was almost out of clean clothes before I got the nerve to ask to use her washer."

"But you did and she gave permission and you settled in. We don't want you to feel that you're not welcome in our home. That's an issue that needs resolved…although honestly I don't know how you were made to feel that way in the first place."

She shrugged. "I can't give you a specific example…it's just something I feel. Why would I feel like I was welcome there? You don't care for me; Martha and I don't get along all that well…"

"Mother," he stated as he jotted the name down on his list. "We definitely have to settle that one because that issue is on you way more than it is my mother."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "You've also made it very clear that you don't want me to have any type of relationship with Alexis."

"Alexis," he muttered as he added his daughter's name to the list. Perhaps instead of just her name he should've listed it as the Alexis Debacle, Castle thought to himself…yet another thing he had mishandled. His daughter, in the midst of some delayed, subtle rebellion had suddenly started confiding in Johanna Beckett instead of her own father. He hadn't liked it…and his jealousy over the whole situation had led to a confrontation that Alexis had ended up hearing. His daughter hadn't been pleased…and yet his mission to come between the two women had worked. Alexis was afraid of creating problems for Johanna so she stayed away. Johanna felt like she had stepped into an area where she wasn't welcome and so she walked away to keep the peace. Kate had repeatedly warned him that he was being foolish; that as long as Alexis was under Johanna's wing, she'd be fine and she'd come to him once Johanna's brand of subtle encouragement got through to her. But he hadn't wanted to wait and he didn't want to feel like his role was usurped by an outsider. Maybe Gina had been right…maybe he did like to keep Alexis in a bubble where the only people that could be close to her were him and his mother.

"I can admit that I handled the situation with Alexis badly," he told her. "If I could do that over and change how that all went down, I would."

"Me too; I would've never gotten involved," Johanna replied. "I was just trying to be her friend…she seemed like she needed one at that moment. I wasn't trying to be her parent or grandparent as you claimed. I did welcome the opportunity to get to know her better; Jim and I both did, we enjoyed her visits…but we understand that you were uncomfortable with it. I can't remember if I apologized for overstepping my bounds…I probably didn't because you did piss me off a great deal that day. But for whatever it's worth; I'm sorry I got involved and I know my place in that regard."

"Placement," Castle said as he added that word to his notebook.

"Really? You're still making a list?" his mother-in-law asked.

"Yes; and the fact that I'm doing so should show you that I'm serious about this. Anything you want to add to it?"

"Sure; let's add how you're never satisfied by anything I say or do," Johanna remarked. "I mean I just apologized for something that you had a huge problem with and you didn't even acknowledge what I said so maybe you should add that to your list…or would you rather that stay on my list?"

He gave a short humorless laugh. "I would be satisfied if I thought I could believe half the things you say."

She nodded as she gave him a bitter smile. "And there it is; your very low, judgmental opinion of me."

"I don't have a low opinion of you."

"Oh but you do; this isn't something newly developed. We've had this discussion several times; it dates back to when I lived with Katie. Let's see; you came over one day while she was at work so you could tell me what you thought of things and basically implied that you were a better person than me because you wouldn't have made the decision I made. You also implied that I was a bad mother for helping her try to make a breakthrough in the case, that I was treating it as a game and that I didn't get how serious the situation was. You also stated that I didn't know the depth of how I had hurt her…like I was some stupid, naïve person who had no sense of anyone's feelings but my own…like going with the F.B.I was something I did as easily as going to a spa. Then when all hell started breaking loose and your secrets started to come tumbling out, I was accused of screwing up your secret deal and you basically implied that I took it lightly that my presence put her in danger and that I didn't think of any consequences when I made the decision to come home. You've looked down your nose at me several times, Rick. Over the course of time that we've known each other; I've gotten the idea that you believe I'm stupid, selfish, a bad mother, a liar and a coward; among other things."

"Wow, you don't forget anything, do you?" Castle said.

"No, I don't…and believe me, I wish I could sometimes."

"You really think those things?"

"Yeah, I do…and yet I get past it…despite what you think. Katie loves you and you love her and that's all that matters to me. As long as she's happy, I don't give a damn what you think of me…but like I told you the day you married her, you ever hurt her and you will answer to me…while Jim's looking for his bullets."

He nodded. "I do recall our chat during our very tense dance at the reception."

"Good to know."

"I'm going to have to add the word 'perception' to my list…because that's a major thing that we need to clear up. I don't think those things of you at all."

"Trust me, you do," Johanna said as she reached for her drink. "It's okay that you do; I don't mind…all I ask is that you give me the same courtesy I gave my mother-in-law."

"What's that?"

"That you don't let your own personal feelings interfere with a relationship between me and any grandchildren that you and Katie decide to bless me with. Elizabeth and I…well, like I mentioned; we weren't best friends and we had our issues; but I never kept Katie from her and I never tainted her view of her grandmother. Elizabeth loved Katie and Katie loved her and I didn't interfere in that…with the exception of the day Lizzie decided to tell her that there was no Santa Claus…but we got past that…eventually. I also gave that same courtesy to my own father…we didn't get along; it's no secret; but he loved my little girl and she adored her grandfather and I never tainted that either. My personal feelings were mine and mine alone; they weren't taught to her so she could follow suit…and all I ask is that when the time comes, that you will give me that same courtesy and allow me to have a full, rich relationship with my grandchild."

Castle held her gaze. "I will swear to you on your mother's grave that I will never, ever stand between you and your grandchildren. I would never deny you a relationship with them…I'd never expect you to allow me to, not only because you shouldn't but because I have no doubt that you would knock me down in the hallway of the hospital and walk over me to get to the nursery if I tried. I also wouldn't let any personal feeling of mine be passed on as some sort of fact that would taint their view of you. You don't have to worry about any of that…and by the time you be become a grandmother; we're going to have a much better relationship."

"As long as nothing keeps me from my future grandchildren; I'm fine," Johanna remarked.

"We're going to aim for better than fine," he replied as he wrote the word 'assurance' on his list.

* * *

Silence had fallen over the table, allowing Johanna to finish her food. She reached for her glass of soda and took the last sip. When she finished, she dabbed her lips with the napkin and then laid it on the table before reaching for her purse. "Thanks for lunch, Rick; I'll see you around."

"Are we finished?" he asked. "You don't have to go just yet."

"Food is gone, lunch is over," she declared.

"Do you want dessert?"

"No."

"A refill of your drink?"

"I have soda at home, thank you. I really do need to get some work done before Jim gets home."

Castle gave a reluctant nod. "Let me get the check and then I'll walk you to your car."

"That's not necessary."

"I insist."

"Of course you do," she replied as she opened her purse to take out her sunglasses and her keys; resigning herself to the idea of waiting for him so that he could show her that he was a gentleman.

"Ready?" he asked after taking care of the bill.

"I'm ready," Johanna said as she got up from her chair and began to move in the direction that would carry her back to her car.

Castle quickly fell into step with her. "It wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked.

"What?"

"Lunch."

"No; the food is always good here," Johanna answered.

He gave her an amused smirk. "I meant the company."

"You know, Rick; it's very vain to ask for compliments."

"I didn't ask for a compliment; I said it wasn't so bad…was it?"

"It was fine," she replied. "I hope you feel better now."

"Not as much as I had hoped but it's a start," he replied.

Johanna paused at the door of her car. "Are you going to the precinct when you leave?"

"Yes; do you need something?"

"No; but you can tell Katie I said hello…and that if she has any complaints about whatever you tell her, to please wait until after three to call so I can be finished grading my papers…and will have cooking dinner as an excuse to hang up once I hear the complaint."

Castle smiled. "I'll do that."

"Okay; see you later," she said as she turned to unlock her car door.

"I'll see you same time and place next Tuesday," Castle replied lightly.

"Wait, what?" Johanna said as she turned back toward him.

"Next Tuesday," he repeated; "For lunch…you didn't think this was going to be a one time thing, did you? Why did you think I was making a list?"

"I was kind of hoping it was a one time thing," she answered; "And I figured you were making the list to be a smart ass so I overlooked it. I guess I should know by now that hope and wishful thinking are fickle things."

He smiled. "You should know that by now; so I'll see you Tuesday; same time and place."

"Why?"

"I told you; I'm going to win you over again. You're going to be my third time is a charm mother-in-law, Johanna. I'm going to make you like me again."

"I have the feeling you're just going to make me hate you," she replied. "I'm getting a headache already."

"I'll bring Advil to our next meeting," he quipped; "And trust me; you're going to love me like the son you always wanted."

"Who said I ever wanted a son?" Johanna asked. "I wanted a daughter and that's what I got."

"Fine, you're going to love me like the son you didn't know you wanted."

"Oh God."

"He's already answered your prayers, Johanna; he sent you me."

"I should've had the wine," she remarked as she opened her car door.

"We'll order wine next time; aren't you excited?"

"Oh yeah, I'm all a tremble with excitement," she said as she got into the car.

"You didn't hug me goodbye," he told her, holding on to her door as she put the key in the ignition.

Johanna glanced up at him. "I'm not getting out of the car, Rick."

"Okay; well ease into that. You'll hug me goodbye next time."

"That will depend on how much you tick me off before we say goodbye."

"At least you haven't ruled it out completely," he said with a grin.

"Mhmm; can I go now?"

"Yes," he replied. "Drive safely."

"You too," she replied as she started the car and buckled her seatbelt.

"I'll send you a reminder about lunch on Monday night," Castle told her before shutting her door.

"Can't hardly wait," Johanna muttered as she gave him a quick wave and pulled into traffic.

Castle watched her drive away, thinking to himself that things hadn't gone as well as he would've liked but at least she hadn't said a flat out no about meeting him for lunch again next week. He had his work cut out for him but there was hope…a very small glimmer of it, but hope none the less and he'd make sure to assure his wife of that as soon as he got back to the precinct.

 _A/N Next chapter will pick up with Castle's return to the precinct._


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Keep in mind that not all of the facts have been revealed yet; characters have their reasons for feeling the way they do._

Chapter 2 

"So how did it go?" Kate asked when Castle reappeared at her desk that afternoon.

"She's not feeling the love yet," he said as he flopped down in his chair. "But she will…I'm almost positive."

"Uh huh," she said with a slight smile as she eyed him. "She didn't make it easy, did she?"

"Does your mother ever make anything easy?"

"Rarely; so how bad was it?" she asked.

He shrugged. "She stayed until her food and drink were gone…that's something, isn't it?"

"I suppose, but you seem to be avoiding the question."

Castle sighed. "Okay; there was a brief period of time where I thought she wasn't going to show up because she was late."

"Not entirely unusual for her," Kate remarked. "She does run late at times…especially if she isn't looking forward to something."

"Once she arrived, she admitted that she thought of not coming but decided that lunch with me was better than listening to you complain if she bailed."

"Most likely true," she laughed. "Did that make you question your judgment about starting this lunch campaign of yours?"

"No; I just chalked it up as her being uptight about the whole thing. I tried to ask her about her job to relax things but she only gave me short basic answers," Castle replied; "Unlike the fully detailed descriptions she gives you on the topic. By the time our meal arrived, she was demanding to know why I called for this lunch."

Kate smiled as she nodded. "That's definitely Mom; let's you have some small talk first and then she goes for the throat."

"You could've reminded me about that before I left."

"By now you should know without a reminder; it's not like you just met her last week."

"I know…but she's distant; I don't get to observe her and record all of her usual tactics as well as I did in the beginning before she hated me."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Okay, before she decided that she didn't like me as much as she thought," he amended. "But you're right; she did go right for the throat with the big question."

"And what did you tell her?"

"The truth."

"So much for being careful with your motive," Kate quipped.

"I told her the main reason; that I want a better in-law relationship."

"Did she accept that answer?"

"She's suspicious."

Kate nodded once more. "Typical behavior…but what exactly does her suspicion entail? Does she have something specific in mind about your reasons?"

"Not what you're thinking," he answered knowingly. "I don't think that specific reason occurred to her at all."

"Good; because I know it is a part of the reasoning behind this campaign of yours."

"How can it not be?" Castle asked; "But I didn't say anything that would hint at it; and overall the reason I gave her is the truth; I want things to be better between us."

"I know," his wife replied; "And I think it's sweet that you're willing to take on this effort…I just hope that you won't take it too badly if you don't get the results that you want."

"She's just hesitant right now," he stated. "I'm not taking it personally…except for that moment when she suggested that I have a problem with people not liking me on a self approved level."

Kate's brow rose and she quickly glanced back to her paperwork.

"Tell me you're not saying that you agree with her," her husband stated.

"I didn't say a word."

"That's the problem."

She laughed. "What do you want me to say?"

"What any good wife would say…that your mother is wrong."

"I think I'm a pretty good wife but I'm not going to say that she's completely wrong on that one…but I am curious about what button you were pushing that made her say that."

"I believe we were discussing therapy and she suggested that I get some for that problem."

Kate couldn't hold back her laughter and she quickly looked around the precinct to make sure it hadn't disturbed anyone. Seeing that no one was paying them any mind, she gave her attention back to her husband. "Oh God, I wish I could've seen your face at that moment."

"It was a low point of the meal."

"How low did it go?"

"I might've asked her how her sister was and reminded her of how they don't have much of a relationship because her sister mostly hates her," he admitted.

"Castle," she sighed.

"I know; I shouldn't have gone there…she just brought out the worst in me there for a moment."

"There's no denying that my mother is good at bringing out the worst in people at times but you just can't go there. You can't bring Colleen up; that just makes it worse…that's still a sore spot for her; especially considering their limited communication."

"I know; I don't know why I did that. It's not going to endear me to her…and apparently she forgets nothing."

Kate held his gaze. "Meaning?"

"Meaning she has a permanent record of our special chats dating back to when she lived with you upon her return from Wyoming. The pecan incident was mentioned, the hospital incident was mentioned, the Alexis debacle was mentioned….she remembers everything," Castle said with an exasperated sigh.

"She does have a very good memory," his wife agreed.

"Yeah; she does," he said with a nod as he took his list from his pocket. "Speaking of remembering; I need to add the wedding to the list."

"The list?"

"Yeah; I made a list of things we need to clear up or work on."

"Did you make this list in front of her?"

"Yes, I did. I even offered her paper so that she could make her own list…she declined; she said she's got it all in her head."

"That probably doesn't bode well for you, Castle."

"She'll come around," he assured. "I told her we're having lunch again next week and she didn't give me a flat out no. She didn't exactly seem crazy about the idea but she didn't say no."

"At least not yet," Kate replied. "Don't be surprised if something suddenly comes up."

"I figured maybe you could call her this weekend and persuade her to make sure nothing comes up on Tuesday afternoon."

"You want her to continue thinking that she's doing this for me and not you?"

Castle smiled. "If it's the only way it can be done for now; I'm okay with that…by the way; she told me to tell you hello…and that if you have any complaints about anything I report; please wait and call after three to complain."

Puzzlement furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"Because by then she'll be done grading papers and by the time you're done the complaint, she'll be able to use making dinner as an excuse to hang up."

"I see," Kate said as she picked up her phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Setting a reminder to call my mother at 2:55."

"Why?"

"Just to bug her."

"You're not helping the cause, Kate."

She laughed. "She'd think I didn't care if I ignored that after three crack."

"We don't want that…but make sure she knows it was all your idea. I have enough things on my to-do list," he said as he waved the notebook at her.

"Rick; I told you as soon as you thought up this plan that you'd have your work cut out for you."

"I know; but I'm going to stick with it. She's going to learn that she's worth a little effort…even if she does make it difficult."

Kate smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "You're a good husband…and a good son-in-law."

"I haven't gotten my final grade on that yet…although she did renew the threat she gave me at the wedding reception."

"Just give her time, Castle; don't push too much. Mom has always had to do things in her own time and her own way. I honestly don't think she's ever changed her opinion of you…it's just that somewhere along the way, she decided that you had changed your opinion of her."

"Then I have to show her that she's wrong."

"She hates to be wrong."

"I'll buy her a present to soften the blow," he quipped. "What's the best way to suck up to her?"

Kate shrugged. "I used to just clean my bedroom when I wanted to suck up."

"We already have a clean bedroom so that's not going to work and she admitted to not being comfortable in our home, so even if it would work; she wouldn't stop by so we could show her that we're clean," he commented. "Do you have anything else?"

"Not at the moment; I'll have to get back to you on that."

"I'll add it to my list," Castle remarked. "It just seems to be growing longer anyway."

"Don't worry, Castle; if you rile her enough, you can get her to knock two or three things off that list in one setting."

"Riling her seems dangerous."

"Yeah, well, I didn't say there wouldn't be danger involved…just that she's very chatty when she's pissed off," she replied with a laugh.

"Pissing her off is what has gotten me to this point…so once again, I have to say that you're not helping the cause."

"I'll try harder," Kate replied.

He gave a nod. "That makes two of us."

* * *

Johanna was nearly finished grading her last paper when her phone rang at 2:55. She sighed and then smirked upon seeing her daughter's name on the screen before she accepted the call. "I said to call after three," she stated; not bothering with the formality of a 'Hello'."

"I know; that's why I called at 2:55," Kate replied. "It gives me extra time before you need to hurry away to begin preparing dinner…when we both know that Dad won't be home until sometime between 4:30 and 5:00.

"Maybe what I'm making requires a longer prep time; did you ever think of that Miss Detective?" Johanna asked.

"No; I was more concerned with annoying you if you want the truth."

She sighed. "I was on my last paper, Katie; you could've waited five more minutes."

"But then my point to annoy you would be missed…I mean since when do you give me a specific time to call?" her daughter asked.

"I like to schedule complaints so they can be dealt with quickly," Johanna remarked; "Just like how I have an office at Columbia…which I admittedly don't use much; but I do go to it for an hour or two so I can handle gripes and excuses that need attention outside of the classroom."

"I know, Mom; you're the model of professionalism, you always have been."

"Let's just get to it, Katie. Whatever your husband told you about today that you want to complain about was probably exaggerated; I didn't behave badly. I allowed him to speak his piece, I listened, I didn't exactly agree but I felt I did what you asked of me."

Kate couldn't help but laugh a little. "Wow; you sound like you took some time to prepare your defense before you dove into grading papers."

"Well, you can't keep me from being a lawyer entirely…the behavior is just a part of me…kind of like how you sometimes slip into an interrogation when you're merely visiting with family."

"I always apologize after you yell at me for that, Mother."

"I know, dear. So go ahead; yell at me, tell me what I did wrong."

"Why are you so sure that I'm calling to say you did something wrong?" Kate asked.

"Well; why else would you be calling me from work after I've had lunch with your husband?"

"Castle's right; you do have a very suspicious nature."

"Another occupational hazard…that you're guilty of yourself."

"I can't deny that," her daughter replied; "But I swear I called in peace."

Johanna leaned back in her chair, wishing they were having this conversation in person so that she could read her daughter's facial expressions. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?" she asked; softening her tone, hoping that approach would do some good in discovering what was behind this sudden need to make her a better member of her own family.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb, Katie. What's the real deal with this thing with Rick?"

"He told you; he wants things to be better between you…and as I told you Sunday when I visited; you don't seem to be combining well in the new family order."

"I don't understand what you mean by that. I was in this family before he was; I was in it before you were," Johanna remarked.

"I'm aware of that…but you know what I mean."

"Clearly I don't."

"Mom," her daughter sighed.

"I know," Johanna said as she took off her reading glasses and laid them on the desk; "I'm exasperating; your husband already told me."

"He did?" Kate asked; "Because he didn't mention that to me."

"Oh yeah, he mentioned it to me. It's fine though."

"It's not fine; that's what this whole thing is about. You have to admit that the two of you don't get along as well as you used to; there have been some missteps on everyone's part and I feel like you've built a wall…and he sees that too and wants to fix it."

"Why?"

"Why?" Kate repeated incredulously. "Because we don't want to feel like you remove yourself from the family…we don't want to feel like you're on the outside looking in."

"I don't do that; I went shopping with you last week."

"Mom; you know exactly what I'm talking about and you want to pretend that you don't. Yes, when it's just me and you, you're completely fine. When it's our combined family…you're very quiet."

"I thought that would be appreciated…considering the amount of clashing that was going on."

"No; actually it's kind of unnerving and it needs to be settled so just give this a chance, okay?"

"What about how I feel? Doesn't that matter? Maybe I've made my peace with how things are and I'm fine."

"It does matter to me," Kate replied; "But I honestly think you're going to feel better if you just let him do this. Just because you've made peace with how things are doesn't mean that there can't be improvement that you can then make more peace with, right?"

"I suppose."

Kate sighed. "I'm glad you showed up today…even if you were late."

"Traffic," Johanna stated.

"You always use that excuse."

"I live in New York City; it's not an excuse, it's a way of life."

"Okay, I'll give you that one…but you could probably leave a little earlier next time so you make it on time."

"Am I going next time?" her mother asked.

"Well…I heard that you didn't say no when it was mentioned."

"I didn't say yes either."

"But you will go, won't you…for me?" Kate asked softly. "You'll try for me."

Johanna closed her eyes, that feeling nagging her that her daughter and son-in-law were up to something besides hurriedly trying to improve the family. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I do appreciate it, you know that, right?"

"Sure."

"You're just humoring me, aren't you?"

"Well, sweetheart; one day when you're a mother, you'll realize that a mother spends half of her time humoring her child….do the words 'Of course I want to play tea party for the third time today' ring a bell to you?"

Kate smiled. "Yeah, I kind do think I recall a few tea party packed days…followed by a round of Barbies."

"I have to admit; I liked tea parties and Barbies better," Johanna replied.

"Well…you can have tea at lunch," her daughter replied; "And I can buy you a Barbie doll if it'll help."

"Am I supposed to play alone?"

She laughed. "I'd offer to play but I have a reputation to protect."

"You'll have to get over that one day."

"I know…and you're going to have to get past these things that make you a little tense when we're all together. We just want you to be happy."

"Why is it that people always say that to me while they're doing something that doesn't make me particularly happy?"

"I don't know…I guess it just works out that way," Kate replied; "But I'm sure in the end you'll be happier than you are now. It's not so much to ask is it? It's just lunch once a week."

"For how long?"

"Until everything is better."

"Okay, I'll go Tuesday and I'll be better."

"I think it's going to take more than that, Mother."

"And I think eventually you're going to have to tell me everything behind this sudden motivation," Johanna replied.

"You know the motivation; making our new family happier and better; more settled…this is going to be good for all of us."

"Then I'll be seeing you at the lunch table?"

"I'm not ruling that out eventually," Kate told her. "But for now, it's just you and Castle…because that's where the tension lies."

"It wouldn't if he'd quit judging me and insinuating that I lie all the time," Johanna stated. "I don't appreciate that."

"Then tell him that, Mom."

"I have before; he doesn't listen."

"Make him," her daughter replied. "This is his project, he wants things to be better; you tell him everything he does that makes you feel the way you do. Maybe he'll listen better this time."

"I'm still not crazy about this, Katie," Johanna replied; "But I told you I'd do it and I'll keep my word. I'll do it for you…like always."

"I know," she replied. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"The fact that you're saying that just drives home the feeling that something else is at play here."

"Stop being so suspicious," Kate replied. "Everything is fine or at least it will be once this stuff is settled between you and Castle. I've got to get back to work and I know you need to finish your grading. I love you, I'll call you later."

"I love you too," Johanna told her. "Be careful."

"I promise."

They said goodbye and Johanna laid down her phone on the desk with a sigh; she wasn't fooled; somewhere along the way she'd find the truth of this matter. Until then she'd just have to play along.

* * *

"Did you call her?" Castle asked as he settled down in his chair, placing the bottle of water Kate had requested on her desk while he opened up a pack of M&Ms he got from the vending machine.

"I did," she said, as she side eyed him.

"From the look I'm getting, I'm guessing she misinterpreted something and you're no longer happy with me?"

"Did you call her exasperating?" Kate asked.

Castle's gaze darted away. "I…might recall saying that."

"Really; you thought that was wise?"

"Well you say it!"

"I'm her daughter; I'm allowed to say it to her. You're her son-in-law; you only get to say it to me…in the privacy of our own home when she's nowhere around to hear it."

"You should've explained that sooner," he quipped.

"You've had two mother-in-laws; you should have something figured out by now," she remarked.

"Clearly I don't…they are a special breed of species that can't be understood from the male perspective."

"That's not true," Kate replied. "Dad always got along with Grandma Naomi; he adored her."

"Okay; your grandmother must've been a rare member of the mother-in-law species…and all of my mother-in-laws appear to be from the order of the 'peck him to death' segment of the species."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't compare my mother to a bird of prey; she's the best one you could get out of the sorry lot you've described to me."

"Wow, that's nice look on your face. I'm not sure I've seen that one before…at least pointed at me."

"Then you better rethink your descriptions."

"I had a temporary moment of insanity; of course your mother isn't in that class…she's in a special class all of her own."

"You better mean that in a good way."

"I swear on my M&Ms."

"Castle, you better not be lying because if you start choking on one of those…"

"You'll save me right? You'll realize it's just a coincidence and not a sign of guilt?"

"Oh I'll save you," Kate replied; "But the issue of whether you're guilty or not will be thoroughly investigated."

"I'd expect nothing less of you."

"Uh huh. I was also told that you keep insinuating that she's a liar?"

He shifted in his seat. "I…um…well, I, uh…"

"You what?"

"I might've made a comment that could've been taken that way."

Kate nodded. "Wow, Rick; way to help the cause."

"I'm going to do better next time," he promised.

"Make sure you do…she does still carry a gun, you know?"

"She does?"

"She does."

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," Castle said as he pulled his notebook from his pocket.

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing a gun on my list as a reminder of what's hiding in her purse."

"Good idea," Kate replied; "At the rate you're going, you're going to need all the help you can get."

* * *

Jim smiled as he looked across the dinner table at his wife. "So, how was your lunch date?" he asked; a teasing note in his voice.

Johanna rolled her eyes and swallowed the bite of pasta she had taken. "I don't know what the hell they're up to but whatever it is, they better hope I end up liking it because if I don't…," she trailed off with a humorless laugh.

He chuckled in amusement. "Did you ask him?"

"Of course; right after he was through asking me about work and your whereabouts."

"What's the official story?"

"Basically the jist of it seems to be making me into a better mother-in-law," Johanna answered.

"Are you a bad one?" her husband asked.

"For now his chosen word to describe me is 'exasperating'. I am an exasperating mother-in-law."

"Exasperating?"

"Yes…and you know, I always got very good grades for my vocabulary skills in school. I remember very clearly that the definition of exasperating is, intensely irritating, annoying, infuriating."

Jim's jaw tightened. "You should've told him that word was originally invented to describe son-in-laws."

Johanna frowned. "I wish I had thought of that."

"I'm going to have to think twice about taking Rick to anymore ballgames. What happened when you got crowned with that label?"

"I told him, good, that means I'm doing the mother-in-law thing right."

He laughed. "That's my girl."

"God I wish Elizabeth was still here…I'd take her with me and let him see the mother of all mother-in-laws."

"You know, I think she would've had your back on this one. I don't think Mom would've been too crazy about him…and she would've made it known…in a very exasperating way."

She smiled. "I know…I miss her. I could use her assistance…even if I had to wheel her out of a nursing home, I would've."

"I'm sure you wouldn't have had to ask twice."

Johanna wished she had the option of asking for her mother-in-law's assistance…her own mother's as well. But she didn't have those options; she had to navigate the mother-in-law jungle alone, with only the remembrance of their examples. "He reminded me that Katie has a harmonious relationship with her mother-in-law."

Jim scoffed. "So you're supposed to enter the competition now?"

"Apparently so; not that I can hope to live up to the lofty standards Martha Rodgers has set. She's a much more harmonious being than lowly, exasperating me."

"If it makes you feel any better; I'd take you over a thousand Marthas any day of the week," her husband stated.

A smile touched her lips as she brushed her foot against his leg. "That does make me feel better; and just so you know, I'm the real winner of the husband lottery. Katie thinks it's her but it's definitely me."

Jim nodded. "I am quite a catch."

"And not at all conceited about it," she laughed.

"Of course not, conceit would mar my image; but just so you know, I won the wife lottery…and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise."

Johanna smiled, warmth filling her as she took another bite of her dinner. That feeling of gratefulness that she had gotten to reclaim her life with him still burned brightly deep within her; the time she'd been home hadn't faded into taking a single moment for granted. She still cherished every second. "He also said that when I feel something is implied that I'm delusional."

"Not always," Jim said with a shake of his head. "Only about five percent of the time."

"Thank you; that's what I thought," she replied. "I mentioned that I didn't understand why he can't accept the things I say and he pretty much said that I lie all the time."

"Definitely not taking him to anymore ball games," her husband remarked.

"Don't do that on my account," Johanna replied. "Rick's problem is with me, not you…remember you got the free pass."

"Anyone who has a problem with you has a problem with me," he declared. "If he's going to be sharing these opinions of you, I might have to take him to one more game so I can share some opinions of him…and if you need to tell him that, please do so."

It was silent for a few minutes as they ate but finally Johanna spoke once again. "He made a list."

"A list of what?" her husband asked.

"Areas that need cleared up and improved."

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh; he offered me paper to make my own list."

Jim laughed. "Like you need paper for that. I could pick some random date from our history and ask you what I did on that day to piss you off and you'd be able to give me a detailed account about the argument and how amends were made."

"Probably so," she replied with an amused smirk.

"He actually made a list though?"

"Oh yeah; all kinds of past grievances are on it…including Martha; because as I was told; that is more me than her."

"What is this, some kind of therapy?" he asked.

"It does have that vibe, doesn't it?"

"What's he going to do next, bring in a shrink?"

Johanna met his gaze. "That's the day you'll need to have bail money on hand because I will take the gun from my purse and fire warning shots…I won't hit him; but he will learn a valuable lesson."

"Don't worry, sweetheart; I'll have your bail money ready and your defense planned."

"That's just one of the many reasons why I love you, honey."

He smiled. "You'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat; I'd break you out of jail without batting an eye if I had to."

"That's mutual," he replied. "What else happened at this lunch?"

"Let's see…there was a crack about me wanting Katie to still admire me the way she did was she was a little girl and there was a comment about my sister still hating me."

Jim's jaw tightened once more. "Is that right?"

"Yeah…I didn't mind the comment about Katie too much; it was the one about Colleen that kind of hit me. I guess I brought it on myself though; he was on this spiel about therapy and I said maybe he needed some for his issue of needing people to like him in the manner he specifies."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Bringing Colleen into it was a low blow. Was your statement solely about him?"

"Yes."

"Then he had no right to bring up Katie or Colleen; that was just being cruel…and whatever little 'build a perfect mother-in-law' experiment he has going on is now over; you're not going back for more," Jim stated. "Between the remarks about being exasperating and a liar and then throwing your sister in your face, that's enough. You're not going to sit and take that from anyone."

"I have to go back," Johanna replied.

"No, you don't; I said it's done."

"I have to go again, Jim."

"Give me one good reason why you should."

"Because I have to find out what they're up to…because whatever this is, you know Katie's a part of it; that's why she cajoled me into going in the first place and that's why she called this afternoon and gently insinuated that she wants me to go again next Tuesday. They're up to something…I don't know what it is and there's a fifty percent chance that I won't like it but there's something going on. They think I'm stupid and won't notice; that I'm in my early sixties and probably slowly getting feeble minded. Well I've got news for both of them; I'm nowhere near being feeble minded. I'm still sharp, vital and active; age has not caused me any harm yet and I have no intention of allowing it to do so. I am of completely sound mind and body."

"Damn right," Jim stated; "So am I."

"We both are; and neither one of us is stupid. I know when someone is up to something; I worked in the legal system and raised a teenager…I'm pretty much an expert at knowing when someone is up to something and trying to hide it."

"You're right," he replied; "You've got a lot of experience in that area."

"Do you think they're up to something?" she asked; "Honestly; don't just say what you think I want to hear."

Jim met her eye. "Of course they're up to something; why else would this suddenly be an issue?"

"My thoughts exactly; but what could it be?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…I'd say it's about the books but you're already in there, Erica."

She smirked at him. "I'm glad he's got a better opinion of Erica than he does me. Oh and I almost forgot to mention that he seems to think it's bad that I'm glued to your side when we're visiting their home."

"Where are you supposed to be? Swinging from a chandelier?"

"Beats the hell out of me, honey; but I told him I'm always glued to you and I like it that way."

"So do I; in fact, I prefer it that way. What's he trying to do; change you?"

"I don't know; but it doesn't feel like it's the 'I just want to have a better in-law relationship' like he claims. I feel like things are fine…he acts like I'm hostile to him. I'm not…am I entirely comfortable with him, no…but how can I be knowing what he thinks of me? And yet it's like he blames me for everything."

"And now suddenly wants to reform you and work through a list that you're most likely getting blamed for."

"Yes," Johanna said; a note of relief in her tone. "I'm so glad you see it too."

"Hey; I'm on your team all the way, sweetheart. It's me and you against the world as always; I'm always going to be on your side; especially when you're justified and I do feel you're justified in feeling the way you do."

"I just hope I figure out what they're up to quickly so I can put an end to this Tuesday lunch business," she remarked.

"You'll figure it out," Jim assured; "And no matter what; I'm behind you."

She smiled. "You're being very sweet tonight, darling."

"I'm a good husband," he said with a grin.

Johanna nodded. "You are…and you shall be rewarded later."

He bumped her foot under the table. "That wasn't my motive but I accept the implication of what that reward might be."

She laughed softly. "I know you didn't have ulterior motives; you just love me for who I am and I'm always grateful for that."

Jim reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm always going to love you for who you are…I wouldn't have you any other way."

"I'm glad," Johanna murmured; because she had a feeling that there were still a lot of people who would like to change her.

* * *

Monday evening found Johanna at her desk, a stack of test papers in front of her that she was grading as Jim worked at his own desk across the room.

"How are your kids doing on their tests?" Jim asked as he glanced away from his computer screen to give his eyes a break.

"I'm not finished yet but so far I have ten A's, ten B's, two C's and one kid who wrote in an 'all of the above' selection on certain questions," she answered.

"Are you serious?" he laughed.

Johanna picked up the paper and crossed the room to show her husband. "See for yourself," she said as she handed it to him.

"The kid has guts," Jim stated with amusement. "I like how you circled those areas and wrote 'nice try'."

"He'd be disappointed if I didn't make a comment."

Jim glanced at the name on the paper. "Brady…isn't he your repeater?"

"Sure is…I have to admit, when he does manage to pass, I'll miss him. I like that kid."

"You like them all," her husband replied with a smile.

"Well," she said with a coy grin of her own; "I could do without a few of those snobby overachievers but that's just between us."

He chuckled. "I don't blame you but your secret is safe with me. What's the deal with Brady?"

Johanna perched on the edge of his desk. "I think he's still a little young for his age..."

"Still in his party phase?"

"Not as much as last semester…at least so far; but he does like to have a good time. He's a good kid; I feel like the potential is there, he just doesn't always embrace it. He's not good with tests…most likely because he doesn't study enough…and his essays are always clearly written in a hurry."

"But you think he has potential?"

"Yes," Johanna said sincerely; "He's very bright; just not great with tests and his essays need improvement…but when we start doing case work for the mock cases they have to go through, he's really good. He's learning the skills, it's just not translating to the tests the way it needs to."

"He's better at the hands on stuff," Jim stated.

"Right; I think it's easier for him to focus his mind on the meaty stuff than the more mundane stuff. I'm just not sure how to get him through the tests and essays. I haven't finished marking this paper yet but so far he's managing a D, which is better than he did last semester."

"Well, sweetheart; I think that's more on his part than yours because I know you always offer your students plenty of encouragement…especially the ones you're extra fond of…and I'm sure you're fond of this one; if I remember correctly, he brings you an apple from his job at the grocery store."

Johanna smiled. "He does."

"With you in his corner, I'm sure he'll get through eventually…I know you won't give up on him."

"You're right about that. How is your deposition sorting going?" she asked with a nod at the computer.

Jim sighed. "Honestly; almost every person involved with this case has a slightly different story about what really happened…and I'm not sure which ones are lying yet. Do you want to trade? I'll grade your tests, you find my liars?"

Johanna laughed. "Nah, I think I'll pass; maybe some other time."

He grinned and patted her knee. "Maybe you should offer _me_ some encouragement, Mrs. Beckett."

She smiled. "You're in need of encouragement, are you?"

"Desperately."

She leaned towards him and caught his lips in a kiss. "How's that for encouragement?" she asked, her fingertips caressing the line of his jaw.

"It's a start but I'm going to need more," he told her.

"I better get to it then," she quipped but before her lips could touch his, her phone chimed from across the room, making her sigh in response.

"Never misses," Jim muttered.

"It's like people know when we don't want to be interrupted," she stated as she picked up her paper and moved back to her desk to grab her phone.

"Who was it this time?" her husband asked; "Katie or Maggie?"

"It's a text from Rick," she stated.

"What's he want?"

"It says, _'Just reminding you about lunch tomorrow; same time and place as last week. Don't be late; people give me pity looks like I've been stood up_ ," she read and then she sighed. "I had almost managed to forget about that…I was also hoping that he had forgotten."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, Jo."

"Yeah, I do. I promised Katie…and I have to figure out what they're up to," she answered as she composed her message in reply to him.

" _Thanks for your timely message that killed the moment I was trying to create."_

Jim crossed the room to her side. "No matter what it is; you still don't have to go…tell them I said you couldn't go."

"Like anyone would believe that I'd let you tell me what to do," Johanna remarked.

"It was the best excuse I could come up with on short notice," he replied as he pulled her into his arms.

Her phone chimed and she raised her hand so she could see the message without leaving the circle of Jim's arms.

" _What kind of moment we're you going for?"_

Johanna smirked at the screen and reluctantly pulled herself out her husband's embrace. _"If you have to ask; you have no business being married to my daughter."_

"Katie might not like that message," Jim laughed as he read over her shoulder.

"She'll get over it," she replied as the phone chimed once more.

" _My deepest apologies; I figured you probably scheduled that like you schedule phone call complaints."_

" _No; I don't schedule everything…but I can pencil in time to kick you,"_ she responded.

" _No need for that; my apology is sincere. See you at lunch tomorrow."_

" _Don't remind me,"_ Johanna typed back before laying the phone down. She sighed deeply and returned to Jim's embrace. "It's just not our night; you've got liars to find and I'm being tormented by relatives."

Jim hugged her tightly. "I say we just put all of our work away, turn the phones off and go upstairs and hide."

She laughed softly. "What are we going to do while we hide?"

"Console each other," he replied. "Were both in desperate need of consoling."

Johanna pressed a kiss to him lips. "You're right; we need to hide and be consoled…tomorrow can take care of itself when it gets here."

 _A/N: Lunch number two coming up in the next chapter!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Give them a little time; there's going to be clashing until they find their balance and feel comfortable expressing themselves about the touchy subjects that will come up._

Chapter 3

On Tuesday afternoon as Castle approached the café, he spotted Johanna at the table they had sat at the week before. A white ceramic coffee cup was sitting within reach of her fingertips and her attention was upon something on the tablet she held.

"You're late," Johanna said, her gaze still upon her tablet.

Castle glanced at his watch. "It's 12:02."

"You said noon," she replied; "People are looking at me like I've been stood up."

He smirked at her as he sat down across from her. "How would you know; you've got your eyes on a screen."

"I look around every few seconds," she answered as she glanced at him. "I can also feel it."

"Uh huh; just for curiosity's sake; what time did you get here?"

"I got here at 11:45," Johanna stated; her fingers tapping against the screen as she typed. "Since I was told not to be late."

"May I ask what you're doing?"

"Leaving a message for my students to get this assignment done that's been online since last Wednesday and is due by midnight tonight. Only half of one class has finished it and maybe a quarter of the other one…my inbox better be getting filled or they're going to regret it come tomorrow," she answered.

"How will they know you left a message?" Castle asked. "I just had to wait until I got to class to be yelled at when I was in college."

"Yeah; most us did," Johanna replied; "But now you have to do online assignments as well as traditional assignments…and when I post a note to my page online where I post the assignments, it sends them all an alert because they're all registered on the page…so hopefully right about now there's a tremor of panic at the words 'or else' in that alert that went out."

"You actually said that?!"

"Oh yeah; I always do when they're lagging…they have to fear you a little…in one way or another."

"And do you have success with your 'or else' online threat?" he asked.

"It seems to work for the most part."

Castle gave a nod. "Did you get those papers graded that you were in such a hurry to get home to last week?"

"Yes," she replied as her tablet chimed with a notification. "Oh good; the first excuse has likely rolled in."

Castle smiled. "May I hear it if there is one?"

Johanna opened the message. "Mrs. Beckett, may I have an extension on this assignment? I was busy doing charity work and forgot all about it."

"Charity work?" he laughed. "I have to admit, I haven't heard that excuse before. Do you think it's legitimate?"

It's questionable but I'll ask her to give me proof since some classes do require a little community service type of work. If she can give me proof; I'll extend the deadline for her; if not, she better get to it."

"What are the chances you'll get proof of the charity work?"

Johanna shrugged. "With this one it's usually a toss up; sometimes she's telling the truth, sometimes she's not. There were a lot of parties on campus this past weekend…so I'm having a feeling that the excuses will outweigh the completed assignments."

"How do you know there were a lot of parties?"

"I make it my business to know," she replied. "I know which of my kids are in fraternities, sororities, and any other club; I know which kids are holding down jobs, ones that are helping a single parent raise younger siblings. I know one student is a young mother with a six month old baby that she's brought to class once because she can't always find a sitter. I know the ones who are trying and the ones who think they'll get through because daddy has enough money to pay the way…those ones just don't realize that I'm not for sale and I will fail them if they don't put in the time and the work. I know when there are dances and seasonal events, I know when there are concerts. I do a lot of listening and a lot of reading about campus events. I try to stay one step ahead of them."

"A lot of teachers wouldn't do that."

"A lot of teachers aren't me," she replied. "I want my kids to do their best; I want to know they've learned everything I'm trying to teach them and they're not going to if I buy any excuse they hand me and just let them skate by. If there's a legitimate excuse, I extend the deadline; if not, get it done or get an F."

"I think that's fair," he answered; "And I think it shows that you care."

"I do care."

She was spared further conversation as the waiter approached with menus and offered to refill her cup of tea. It stayed quiet as they studied their menus and finally placed their orders. Johanna felt awkward as the silence hung over them…and truth be told, she still felt awkward about the whole idea and would rather be at home dealing with the excuses that her students would be sending instead of doing their work.

"So?" Castle finally said, breaking the silence as they waited for their food.

"So?" she repeated; "Are you ready to tell me what this is really about?"

"I told you that last week."

"You told me the story you want me to hear; I'm waiting for the one you don't want me to know."

Castle shook his head. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay; we'll play this game awhile longer," Johanna replied. "Eventually you'll tell me…I just hope I haven't run out of patience by then."

"Is it so wrong to want a healed family?"

"No; but I didn't see where we're a wounded one."

"Kate and I feel it's a little disjointed."

"Then why isn't Katie here for these little meetings?"

"Because the problem seems to lie between you and I, Johanna."

"I have no problem," she remarked.

"Why are you afraid to admit that there are issues?"

"I'm not afraid to admit anything…I think you are; that's why you won't tell me the whole reason for this."

"Okay, we're going in circles already," Castle stated as he pulled his small notebook from his pocket.

Johanna eyed him. "You're not going to make another list, are you?"

"No; I'm consulting the one I already made."

"Oh goody."

He smiled. "Now, Johanna; don't be so negative."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not negative at all; I'm just brimming with excitement to check off all those boxes on your build a better mother-in-law checklist."

"This project is not called 'build a better mother-in-law'."

"So you confess that I'm a project?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Then what am I?"

Castle sighed. "I'd say exasperating but Kate said I can't use that word to describe her mother anymore."

Johanna's brow rose. "Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Bragging about me, were you?"

"No; merely giving her a synopsis of our last lunch together…I'm sure you gave Jim one as well."

"I sure did," she replied.

Castle looked at her. "Suddenly, I find myself wondering if I have a target on my back."

"Not that I'm aware of but you might want to mind your manners just the same."

His eyes widened slightly. "What exactly did you tell him?"

"I told him you called me a liar, exasperating, and that you brought up my sister. He wasn't pleased."

"You couldn't let that out of the story?"

"Of course not," Johanna answered. "I try to be very honest with my husband."

The waiter arrived with their food and Castle shoved away the thoughts of his father-in-law possibly stewing over what had been said to his wife the week before.

"Worried, Rick?" his mother-in-law asked after a few minutes had passed.

"What would I be worried about?" he replied as he picked up his fork.

"You might be worried that you lost points with Jim."

He shook his head. "I'm sure we'll be fine."

Her tablet dinged with another notification and she checked it; typing back a quick response. "Another excuse?" he asked.

"No; Brittany wanted to make sure her assignment went through last night because she was having issues with her internet; it did go through, I saw it this morning."

"So," Castle said, figuring he may as well dive in before silence fully descended upon the table; "One of the items on the list I made at our last lunch is the matter of therapy."

"What about it?" Johanna asked as she picked up a fry from her plate.

"Did you ever actually go to the therapy appointments?" he asked cautiously.

She swallowed her food as she nodded. "Yes, I went to one."

"Only one?"

She nodded, her fingers grasping another fry.

"Why did you only go to one appointment?"

"I went to that one because it's the one Katie made for me."

Castle gave a nod. "I figured that; I mean why didn't you go back for the next one?"

"I didn't like it," she answered.

He stuck his fork into the mini potatoes on his plate. "I don't think anyone likes it at first…it's something you have to get used to."

"I don't need Katie's therapist," Johanna remarked. "I don't need to give some stranger two hundred dollars an hour to listen to my problems. If they weren't getting paid, they wouldn't be listening and they wouldn't care. I have people who listen for free; their names are Jim, Valerie and Maggie. They're all available without an appointment and they don't sit there making notes and saying 'how does that make you feel' in a monotone voice that's meant to offer comfort and security. It doesn't do that for me. All it is to me is telling my business to a stranger who then wants to analyze me like he knows me and how my brain works. He knows nothing and I want to keep it that way."

"It's supposed to be easier talking to a stranger," Castle remarked.

"Yeah; that's what Dr. Burke said," she replied. "He just wants my money; all doctors do."

He couldn't deny that doctors wanted to keep collecting payments so he allowed the remark to pass without comment. "Does Jim know that you don't go to therapy?"

"Of course; he's known all along. I don't keep things from him; he knows everywhere I go."

"How did he feel about you not going back for a second appointment?"

"He wasn't too surprised; although I admit he didn't know I didn't go until I told him at dinner that night. I left the house with the intention of going but when I got to the building, I just drove on past…I just couldn't do it again. It's not me."

"But what did he say about it?"

"He said that he understood and that I didn't have to go if I didn't want to…especially when Katie forced me into it."

"She didn't force you," Castle retorted.

"She made the appointment," Johanna countered. "If I remember correctly; her excuse for that was that she didn't like my behavior at the time and it was time for me to do something about it."

"Well you did seem to be all over the spectrum at the time; you renewed your license to practice law, you were telling people off left and right…"

"Only people who deserved it," Johanna interrupted.

"That might be a matter of opinion," he remarked before carrying on; "You went on some girls night tear and took over my bar…"

"Your mother gave me permission," she replied; "You ought to thank me for it; you made more money that night than you normally would have with the way things were going. The atmosphere was positively depressing before Maggie and I perked it up. Whoever heard of a quiet bar?"

"It's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere where people can unwind, have a nice evening…write a book."

Johanna scoffed. "No, honey; it's just depressing. Trust me, I've been in more bars than you can imagine. I was already depressed before I got there and once I was there it made me contemplate walking out in front of a cab because there was absolutely nothing lively happening there. I wanted a party…and if you can't find a party, you make one…and Maggie and I, along with Martha and her permission, had one hell of a party. We had that place packed once we turned on the good music and woke people up. The only thing that dampened it was when you and Katie showed up and she started acting like she was my mother."

"Someone had to…we called Jim and he said to let you be."

"Because he knows what's best for me…and Katie clearly didn't."

"No, Kate didn't want you out making a spectacle of yourself because the media was still following everyone's exploits at the time and she didn't want you going home drunk…you were acting like a rebelling teenager; which is why she had to act like a parent…since you weren't."

Johanna eyed him. "You saw where it got her."

He smirked. "Yes; I believe you term it as putting her in her place."

"She needed it."

"That's another matter of opinion."

"And you'll notice that I haven't asked for yours," Johanna replied.

"Okay, fair enough," Castle stated; "But you have to admit that you weren't in a good place."

She smiled. "Actually I was feeling pretty damn good by the time you walked in."

"I suppose we'll call that yet another matter of opinion."

"Suppose what you want," his mother-in-law replied. "I know how I felt inside. I felt like I was being liberated."

"Seemed to me that you were being hurtful," Castle countered.

"Yeah; well, I was at a breaking point, Rick. No one minded hurting my feelings so I figured what goes around comes around."

"Is that the approach you take to being a mother-in-law too?"

Johanna's gaze flicked to his. "Rick; if I've somehow hurt your feelings at some point, I apologize. As for what kind of mother-in-law I am; don't you think it's a little early to put me in an assigned box? I haven't been one for all that long; we haven't even hit the six month mark…and the first six weeks of your marriage, Jim and I were in London while he worked on that research project for the law firm. We left the day after your wedding and you were back from your honeymoon three weeks before we got back."

"I'm aware of that."

"Then quit acting like I'm the mother-in-law from hell," she said sharply. "I haven't done a damn thing to you. I'm not hanging around your house all the time; I'm not interfering with yours and Katie's personal business. I'm not hounding you for grandchildren…yet, but I would appreciate it if you two would get the show on the road while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. I don't even as so much as ask you for a free book; so I really don't know what your problem is with me and why I'm deemed to be lacking as a mother-in-law. Some men would get down on their knees and thank God that they had a non intrusive mother-in-law like me. You're never satisfied no matter what I do and I think it's because you somehow keep trying to measure me up to your mother and of course I come up lacking."

"Well you have to admit that Mother is fully involved with us," Castle said tartly.

"Yeah, I guess so, she lives with you! I don't; I have my own home and my own husband to take care of. I don't need to be up Katie's ass anymore than my mother was up mine. If she has a problem that she wants to discuss with me, I'm more than willing to listen and help her, but I don't need to be constantly in her personal business. She's a grown, married woman and I respect that."

"And you don't think my mother respects my privacy?" he shot back.

"I'm not saying she doesn't respect it, I'm saying it's hard for her not to be involved with everything when she lives there."

"So you think I should chuck her out onto the street because I'm married now?" Castle asked; "Because that's not going to happen."

Johanna sighed. "No; I wasn't suggesting that you throw your mother into the street. I'm just saying that my involvement isn't going to be like Martha's because I don't see you every day…and I don't see you because I live in my own house, and no, don't look at me like that, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Martha living with you, there's not; she probably should be with you."

"Why's that?"

"So she's not alone," she replied.

"Is that some thinly veiled crack about her not being able to hold on to a husband?" Castle asked; "Because if it is, you should remember that you only still have yours because he's an extremely forgiving man."

"No, it wasn't a crack about her ability to hold a man," Johanna said tartly; as she smacked her hands against the table. "And I'm not going to sit here and let you throw the past in my face so you can once again try to prove to me that you and your mother are better than me. I still have my husband because he loves me and I love him and he knows I didn't leave him by choice. I still have my husband because we took our wedding vows seriously…unlike some people who have been married three times. Unlike you and your saintly mother, I've only been married once, so guess what, there is one segment of life I'm better than you in…even with a thirteen year separation, I've got you both beat in that department so you can go suck an egg Mr. Bestselling Author who thinks he knows it all and doesn't know a goddamn thing worth listening to."

Castle leaned back in his chair and regarded her, her green eyes snapping with fire, her jaw tight with tension. When she had that look on her face, he was sure she could rip someone apart with her bare hands and not even break a sweat. "Well, that escalated quickly," he finally managed to say.

"Yeah; that happens when you're being an ass," she retorted. "I didn't ask to be here, Rick; this was your idea and I'm only doing it because Katie asked me to. Why don't you just accept the fact that you're never going to like me; that I'm never going to live up to your mother-in-law ideal? You know, I took my mother-in-law for who she was; I didn't try to change her, I just learned to deal with her. I take that same approach with son-in-laws; I accept that you don't care for me and I learned to deal with it. Let's move on with our lives."

He took a breath and silently counted to ten. "Why are you so convinced that I dislike you?"

Johanna laughed as she tossed her hands up. "Gee, Rick; I have no idea…I mean it can't be the way you treat me or anything; and it surely can't be the way you rip apart the slightest comment I make to create an issue out of it. I guess I'm just being a delusional female again. Hurry, call me a new shrink, maybe he's got a pill for it."

"We're not that lucky," he commented. "I wish someone had one for me at the moment though."

"Again, this was your idea, not mine."

"I'm aware of that, Johanna."

"Then don't act like this is my fault."

Castle breathed deeply once more. "Okay; let's just dial this back. I'm sorry I took your statement the wrong way. I guess knowing that you don't care for my mother makes me assume that you're taking cheap shots at her."

"I like Martha just fine," she replied; "We just have clashing personalities."

"It wasn't like that when you first met."

"Sometimes the clashing doesn't happen right away; it takes time."

"The clashing is your fault though."

Johanna smiled. "Rick," she said sweetly; "What in your universe isn't my fault, dear?"

He squeezed his eyes shut. "You could make a saint swear; you know that?"

"No, I don't know it for sure but if one wanted to test me, I'd give a very good effort," she replied flippantly.

"Alright," he said, raising a hand in surrender. "Let's get back to the topic; you and Mother don't get along because you harbor that insane notion that she someone usurped your role as Kate's mother."

"It wasn't an insane notion," she said sharply. "It's how I feel. Let's be honest; Kate was spending way more time with your mother than she was me…and Martha had to realize that and she just kept encouraging it."

"So my mother wasn't supposed to spend any time with Kate in order to assuage your feelings?"

"No; I'm not saying she couldn't spend time with her; I'm saying that she knew Kate was with her more than me and that maybe instead of encouraging that behavior to continue, she could've persuaded my daughter to think about sharing her time. You know, you threw Katie a birthday party my first year home; you invited your mother but not the mother of the birthday girl…you didn't invite her father either but I figure that's because you knew you couldn't invite him and not me. So Martha saw my kid on her birthday more than I did. Martha took her to the theater; Martha took her to dinners, she stayed with Martha while you were out of town; she had Thanksgiving with you and Martha, she lied about having to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and really she was with you and Martha. I asked her to go black Friday shopping with me, she said no; I run into her and Martha in Bloomingdales. Every time I turned around it seemed like she was up Martha's ass, like she was her mother and not me. I know it sounds petty to you; but it was hurtful to me. I had already suffered through a very long separation from my daughter…and there she is, acting like someone else's daughter and I don't see where Martha did a damn thing to remind her that she did indeed still have her own mother…and let's please keep in mind that those are just highlights of the first year. I'm sorry that I'm not blasé about feeling like someone was taking my place in her life. You don't understand a bond between mother and daughter, Rick…it's not like the bond you have with Alexis; it's very different. Katie made the thing between Martha and I worse with the things she told her that led to your mother showing up at my door to call me ridiculous and then offered me her unsolicited advice about how to mother my kid…and no, I didn't appreciate it and I didn't like it; because I don't tell her how to mother you…although maybe someone should."

"No one can take your place in Kate's life, Johanna."

"Doesn't feel that way to me," she replied. "I've seen how replaceable I am…and I had to make my peace with that…but I don't have to go to your home every day and have it shoved in my face."

Castle's brow rose. "So that's also a reason why you don't visit much?"

Johanna shrugged. "Maybe…but honestly, I don't visit much because I don't want to invade your privacy."

"Seems like you have a lot of reasons for staying away."

She sighed. "Weren't we talking about how I quit therapy?"

"You're trying to change the subject?" Castle asked; "You want to go back to the therapy discussion? That must mean you want to avoid that visiting issue a whole lot."

"I'm not trying to avoid it; I just don't have anything further to say on the topic."

"You have more to say about therapy?"

She rubbed her fingers across her forehead. "Actually, I don't; I think I'm ready to go home."

"You haven't finished your lunch."

"I'm not all that hungry."

"We can put the discussion about your visiting habits on hold," he told her. "We can also put the discussion of my mother on hold."

"How about we discuss not doing this anymore," Johanna remarked. "I don't think it's a good idea; it's just creating animosity."

"I thought we already had animosity," Castle remarked; "That's why we need to do this; so we can get it out and clear it up and be a better family."

"Rick; we're not going to be the Waltons. I'm sorry, but that's just not in the gene pool of my family."

"Why is that?"

Johanna regarded him oddly. "Because we're Irish and Italian; we have tempers, it's just our nature to fight when people annoy us or make us mad. We don't just shove anger away; we embrace it."

"And you think that's healthy?" he asked.

"It's healthier than suppressing it," she replied. "Everyone gets mad, everyone fights. Jim and I fight once in awhile; we're still happily married so clearly it doesn't do any harm."

"I'd rather not be involved in fights all the time."

"Did I say it was all the time? All I said was that my family tends to embrace it…and doing so means we express it. It makes us feel better; we don't like to pretend we're something we're not."

"So you're good with dysfunction?" Castle asked.

Johanna nodded. "It's pretty much all I know…you can't be sitting there thinking you're not dysfunctional, are you?"

"I'm not."

"Oh, honey, you are," she replied.

"No; I'm not."

Johanna laughed. "Trust me, you are; there isn't a family out there, besides the Waltons, that isn't touched by dysfunction. It's okay to admit it."

"I don't know; I think my family has it more together than yours, Johanna."

"Really?" she asked; "Let's see, you grew up with an actress and you don't know who your father is…and whoever he is, he's a deadbeat for abandoning you and your mother. Your mother had to travel for work, you had to go along a lot of times. She was married three times and since you don't speak of those step-parents, I assume you didn't have good relationships with them. You never mention grandparents so I assume they weren't very involved with your life. You admit that you were thrown out of numerous schools. You have a record; nothing too terrible but it's a record none the less. You built up a playboy image; your life often ends up in tabloids. You've been married three times; one child that you had to raise alone…and who you don't want any other adult to influence even in a good way."

Castle's jaw was tight. "And your point?"

"I'm getting there," she replied. "Now we'll look at Katie's life. Katie was raised by two lawyers; Jim did travel for work at times but I was at home with Katie. My daughter had loving relationships with both sets of her grandparents and two great grandmothers. She also had good relationships with her aunts, uncles and cousins. She attended one elementary school; one middle school and one high school; two universities and she wasn't tossed out of any of them. She has no criminal record, no prior marriages, no children from previous relationships. Her only claim to fame is being Nikki Heat. Sounds a little more stable than your upbringing, doesn't it?"

"For the early years, I suppose so," he answered; "But let's keep in mind that the only dying my mother has done has been on stage in full view of an audience and she gets up when the curtain comes down. You, on the other hand, went along with a plot to fake your death because you got into something that was way over your head…and in the process left behind a husband who turned to alcohol and a daughter who walled herself off from the world in terms of emotions…and then you turn up out of the blue thirteen years later and upend everyone's world again…and you still manage to cause drama when it suits you…a few Broadway actresses could probably take lessons."

Johanna gave him a sardonic smile. "You just love having that sword to wield; don't you? You think it gives you power over me; that it's another way of asserting how you're better than me, how you would've never made that choice. You can dish it out, but you can't take it in return. So you pull out that sword and come charging down the field with it like it's a matter of honor; that you have to remind me of my place, of my faults and my sins. Well, Rick; I'm aware of my sins and my faults. I'm aware of my past; I've made all my apologies, I've gone through the depression, the mourning, the grief, the anger, the hate. I've gone through every emotion you can think of and I've made my peace with what I had to do back in 1999. It was the right choice; the only one…the one that allowed me to be sitting at my daughter's wedding a few months ago. The one that allows my husband and I to go about checking off things on our dream list. You might not agree with the choice, and you don't have to; you can't know what it was like when you weren't in my shoes…but it doesn't give you a right to look down your nose at me. I've made my peace with that part of my past and I've moved on; you can stab me with that sword as many times as you want, but I'm numb to it; because I've already been stuck with it by people who mean more to me than you do. We've all moved on…even my husband doesn't pull that one from the closet anymore; it's merely your weapon of choice; but I'm going to go ahead and inform you, Rick; it has no power over me; so take that sword that you like to wield and climb back up on your high horse and take it elsewhere."

Castle met her cool gaze. "You don't hold back; do you?"

"Why should I? You don't."

"Fair enough," he replied. "But I still want our family to be better."

"And what if it never lives up to your ideal, Rick? Then what?"

"Then I guess we'll all have to keep trying…can't you meet me half way?"

"I'm sitting here, aren't I?"

"Because Kate asked you to."

"At least I'm upfront about it," she replied. "I do feel like you have some hidden motive that I'll eventually get out of you but for now I'm willing to play along with your let's become the Brady Bunch excuse."

"I thought it was the Waltons?"

"No; I specifically said that we would never be the Waltons; pay attention."

"My mistake…are you always so defensive when you're invited to lunch?" Castle asked.

"Only if I feel like the person is up to something…and if it's someone who I know isn't all that fond of me."

He sighed. "How do I convince you that I like you?"

Johanna shook her head. "I don't think you can, Rick; and it's okay. Don't stress yourself out about it. We can co-exist peacefully; I have a lot of practice at that. I'll quit stepping on your toes if you quit trying to stomp mine into the ground, okay? Will that help you make your peace with this whole thing? Because I'm fine either way; that's something else I've learned without Katie's therapist; I can be fine as long as I allow myself to be fine. So what do you say; we call a truce and we can say we both made our peace and go on about our business?"

"No, Johanna; I don't want to do that," he replied. "I don't want to just agree to stay out of each other's way because to me that's pretty much what you're offering. I want to do the work; this is my last marriage…and you're my last mother-in-law and we're going to make it work…one way or another."

"Fine, don't say I didn't offer."

"I'll make a note of it."

"Wouldn't surprise me a bit if it didn't get added to your list," she remarked as another notification caught her attention. She read the email from a colleague stating that her student was involved in class ordered charity work and so she took a moment to extend Stephanie's deadline for her assignment and sent her a quick reply telling her that she had done so and while she had her page open; she checked to see if anyone else had completed the assignment. She was glad to see that six more students had submitted their finished work. She felt Castle's gaze upon her and she glanced at him. "I'm sorry, Rick; Stephanie had one of my colleagues email me to tell me that she was involved with a charity project for his class; I wanted to go ahead and extend her deadline before I forgot and let her know."

"That's fine; I understand that you're a busy woman," he remarked.

"Not overly busy; just busy this week with normal class assignments and this online assignment on top of it. I guess I should've waited until I got home to send out my note; I'm sorry."

"No need to be sorry; it's nice to see this side of you."

She didn't want the notifications from her students to keep interrupting, she didn't want to seem rude so she turned off her device and tucked it into her bag. "I'll take care of the rest later," she said as he gave her a questioning look.

"You keep saying that you've made your peace with various things," Castle remarked, hoping to get back to their original topic. "How have you been able to do that when you haven't put in the work in therapy?"

"You don't have to go to therapy to find peace," Johanna replied. "Sometimes it just takes hitting your breaking point and knowing that you have to fight to climb back up to where you need to be. I hit that point during the first holiday season I was home. Katie set off that time bomb that had been slowly counting down. We had that big fight and it turned into issues between Jim and I. There was the media and the trial…there was so much going on and so much falling apart. I had to get angry…I had to prove myself…I had to let go."

"But it was during that time that Kate made that first appointment for you."

"I know…but it just wasn't for me. I took more comfort from other avenues."

"Like what?" he asked.

Johanna hesitated for a moment, picking up her drink and taking a sip to buy herself a few moments more. Her avenues were somewhat private in her way of thinking and she hated to feel like she had to share things that she only shared with her husband and her best friend.

"What did you do?" Castle inquired again; his mind off and running with the possibilities.

"Not anything you're sitting there imagining," she replied. "I talked to a priest a few times."

"A priest? You don't want a therapist because he's a stranger…but you talked to a priest…who I assume was also a stranger. That makes no sense, Johanna."

"It does to me," Johanna stated. "I was raised a Catholic, and one of the things my mother taught me was that as long as I had faith, God would provide. When my father died, she took great comfort in talking to a priest when grief overwhelmed her at times. I wandered into a church during that breaking point and a priest approached me. Talking to him was very comforting. He was an old man, kind and patient, non-judgmental…he reminded me of my father-in-law," she said with a small smile. "I didn't pay him to listen…he didn't take notes or analyze. He just listened…he didn't prod for more than I wanted to share; he just listened to what I offered. He listened and he comforted me by absolving me from the sins of others that I felt I had to carry…and he absolved me of the guilt for surviving. He reminded me that I was spared because it was God's will and a part of his plan…that maybe he needed me to help rid the world of that one source of evil. He prayed for me and with me and he told me that I could come back and talk to him anytime I needed to. He assured me that our conversations were protected in the same way conversations in the confessional are protected. I did go back once in awhile when I felt like I needed to. But it wasn't only a priest who helped me through."

"No?" Castle said.

"No; there's Jim," she answered. "He never gives up on me…even when I'm at my worst. When I need a fight, he gives me one. When I need to cry, he holds me. When I need to laugh, he tells me stories. When I needed a friend, he found a way to bring Maggie back into my life. He helped me reconnect with my aunt, cousins, nieces and nephews. When I just need him, he stays home and we watch reruns and eat junk food. When I need an escape, we run away. When I need to talk, he listens. He gives me everything I need…even when I don't know what it is I need."

"But does that really take the place of a trained professional?" her son-in-law asked. "No offense to Jim or your friendly priest…but did they really help you work through anything or is it just in a box somewhere?"

Johanna sighed. "Rick; when my mother died, I felt like a part of me went with her. I grieved and I did my best to go on…but it was hard for me. I felt like an orphan at the tender age of forty-three; which seemed much too young to be without both of my parents. My mother died in October…and my grieving was still in process when summer rolled around. I told Jim that I needed to get away from the city; away from my routine of going to her grave twice a week…away from that piano bench I'd sit on and sob. I needed an escape. He didn't hesitate; we were friends with a couple who owned a beach house in Virginia Beach; they said we could have the place for the month of July because they were going out of the country. I juggled my schedule and got things sorted so I could have the whole month off…Jim was only able to get two weeks. He told me he'd go with me and Katie for the first two weeks and then he'd leave the office early on Fridays and fly down for the remaining two weekends so I could keep the car. I agreed to that and we went. I hadn't been to Virginia Beach too often but it was kind of like coming full circle."

"How's that?" Castle asked; wondering what her point was eventually going to be.

"Because my mother told me that I was conceived during a vacation to Virginia Beach," she answered. "So, I was back in the place where she created me…and it was there, sitting on the beach at sunset, that I finally let her go…or at least let her go as much as I could."

"How?"

She smiled a little. "How was I able to do that? Well…I told myself that I had to shake off the depression; not just for myself but for Jim and Katie. I let myself remember her; the good moments instead of the last ones when I had to say goodbye. I let myself feel her presence and her love. I allowed my husband to console me…and I allowed my daughter to give me joy. I watched them tossing a ball back and forth that evening and somehow it turned into them chasing each other, which was nice to see because Katie was fourteen then and in a hurry to grow up but she was acting absolutely childish and her father was loving it. They were laughing and it was all so perfect and I realized that even though my mother was gone, I wasn't as alone as I had been feeling. I still had a family…I wasn't a daughter in the way I was used to anymore…but I was still a mother and I had to give my daughter everything that my mother had given me and the best way to keep Naomi McKenzie alive was to pass on everything she taught me. I didn't need therapy to come to that conclusion; I just needed time and Jim and Katie and their love. Therapy isn't always sitting in a shrink's office, Rick. Therapy to me is when Jim and I get in the car and we just go wherever the hell we want. It's yoga classes and lunches with Maggie; it's discussing Temptation Lane with Katie and sometimes getting to watch it with her. It's a new book to read or baking a cake or cleaning my house. Sometimes therapy is holding my great niece and telling her stories about her daddy; holding my great nephew and telling him stories about his mommy; sometimes it's listening to Taylor Swift songs with our niece Gabby when she needs a ride home from school. Therapy is shopping with Valerie; it's sitting with Jim and watching those reruns…its running on the treadmill. Sometimes it's online shopping and sometimes it's dancing in the kitchen. Therapy is everywhere, you just have to look for it and embrace it. I don't need Katie's kind of therapy; and no I don't think there's anything wrong with her kind or her therapist…it works for her and I'm glad; but it doesn't work for me because I'm not Katie. I'm Johanna. We're different; we might resemble each other but we're completely different beings. She has her methods of therapy and I have mine…and a lot of mine are free."

"Those things are all it took for you to be better in your opinion?"

"Yes," Johanna answered; "Because they're all methods that I've used before when I've been down. I had a little bit of a hard year back in 1975; my sister got married and we had a lot of discord between us; my mother and I were at odds, my grandfather died, my father took his grief out on me and my uncle harassed me for weeks because my grandfather left me things that he didn't think I had a right to. I wasn't a happy person that summer…and I told Jim that I wished I could run. We weren't dating yet but he was my confidant; and once those words were spoken, he took it upon himself to give me what I needed. He arranged for us to take our vacation time and he took me on a road trip; and somewhere between here and a beach in North Carolina; I let it all go and he healed me. I think that's why he took me to Virginia Beach the summer after I lost my mother…and why he took me to Hawaii in the aftermath of that breaking point. Jim knows that for some reason, I can lay my troubles in the sand and allow the ocean to sweep them away. He knows that all I ever need is a fresh view and to have him all to myself for awhile and I can be as good as new. When a beach getaway wasn't available back in those days, I'd go for a run; I'd go out with the girls. I'd cuddle my nephew, I'd cry to my mother. I'd show up at Jim's door and stay for hours. I always found a way to make it back out of that cloud of darkness. I admit I got out of practice in Wyoming…there I just let it consume me and it was a hard habit to break; but I did break it and all it took was looking back and remembering what my brand of therapy has always been…and most of all it's Jim and his way of knowing exactly what I need; and when he doesn't and I'm able to tell him, he never hesitates; he just takes me away…he just finds a beach and takes me there and lets me lay it all in the sand."

Castle nodded slowly. "I think I get it now."

"You do?" she asked; her brow rising. "Or are you just humoring me?"

"No; I get it…because therapy can be found in other things. Kate likes to go to the shooting range…I like to play video games when I feel like I need a break from the real world. Even writing, despite it being my job, is sometimes an outlet for what I'm feeling."

Johanna nodded. "Exactly; and if you'll recall, you once suggested that I should write to feel better."

"I do remember that," he replied; "And eventually you did try it…you sent me a few things…and then you stopped doing it."

"Oh I didn't stop writing," she remarked; "I just stopped sharing it."

"Why? I didn't criticize anything; I enjoyed the stories you told about your family."

"Because things changed," Johanna said quietly. "You didn't criticize anything I wrote…it was everything else; like feeling like you were constantly judging me no matter what I said or did outside of those pages…so I didn't want to share anything else; I regretted sharing the little that I did even though it had helped a little."

The comment struck him and he felt remorse fill him; he had given her the suggestion of writing as a form of therapy, had offered to read anything she wanted to share…and then their friendship had disintegrated and his apparent actions and attitudes had cut off the avenue she had been trying to use as a part of her own self therapy. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Johanna," he said sincerely. "I offered you a method to help you get through things back then and then I guess I kind of took it away from you without meaning to. I'm glad you didn't stop writing but I am sorry that you felt like you couldn't share it anymore and that you regretted sharing the few things you did…and I know one of the things you did share was about the love you have for your sister, which makes me even sorrier for the remark I made in regard to her last week."

Johanna shrugged. "It's no big deal; it wasn't anything I didn't already know."

"It was a low blow," he admitted.

"I'm kind of numb to low blows if you want the truth," she replied. "I've been hit with so many of them through the last couple of years that they sting for a second and then it's gone. I don't let it keep me up at night anymore."

He gave a slow nod. "I think I see now where Kate gets her, I don't get hurt, I'm a tough girl card from…I mistakenly thought that it was something she gained during your absence but I think it must be something that's inherited…because I have a feeling that you've had that card for a very long time."

Her chin jutted up an inch. "My family invented that card…we're a long line of tough girls…we're daughters, sisters, wives, mothers grandmothers; we're businesswomen, suffragettes, teachers, musicians, lawyers, decorators, detectives…we're tough girls; and no man has ever been able to completely tame us, and none ever will. We don't change by anyone's hand but our own."

"Can I write that down and use it in a book?" Castle asked; "Because I really liked it."

"No."

"What if I give you a writer's credit?"

Johanna regarded him with a raised brow. "How does that work?"

"I put it in the acknowledgments."

"That's clear at the end of the book!"

He shrugged. "So?"

"If you use my words; I want it printed in the front of the book that they're mine…and I want a Macy's gift card."

His eyes widened. "How did a Macy's gift card get on the table?"

"I believe it's standard in the entertainment industry to compensate the person who's intellectual property you want to use," Johanna remarked.

"Since when is a flippant comment at lunch considered intellectual property?"

"Since the moment you wanted to print it," his mother-in-law replied. "If you want to use my words about my family; it will be acknowledged in the front of the book and I will be compensated at Macy's."

"Just Macy's? You don't want to throw in a trip to Bloomingdales as well?" he said sarcastically.

Johanna shrugged. "Okay; gift cards to Macy's and Bloomingdales and it's still acknowledged in the beginning of the book."

"I was joking about Bloomingdales."

"That's too bad because I never joke when I'm making deals of this caliber," she replied. "I would like a piece of paper from your notebook."

"Why?"

"Because the lawyer in me insists on a contract," Johanna remarked.

"Are you sure you're not joking?"

"I'm positive," she replied while reaching for her purse. "Since you clearly don't want to give me paper, I'll have to see if I have any in my bag."

"We're family; I don't think we need a contract."

"Oh but we do," Johanna replied as she found a small notebook at the bottom of her purse that she usually wrote her shopping lists in. She flipped open the cover and turned to a blank page before reaching back into her bag for a pen. She was quiet as she wrote out a small statement about the quote to be used and terms of use and the proper compensation. "How much will those gift cards be for?" she asked.

"You're asking me?" Castle questioned.

"No; I'm asking the tree; of course I'm asking you," she retorted. "Now how much are my words worth to you?"

"How about a hundred for each."

"A hundred per word; sounds good to me," Johanna replied.

"Per word!" he exclaimed. "That's not what I meant! Do you know how much that would be if it was a hundred per word?"

"Give me a minute and I'll write it out and see," she answered; pulling another piece of paper from her notebook.

Castle watched in astonishment as she wrote out the statement from memory and then counted the words and calculated the amount on her phone's calculator. "That would be five thousand dollars, Rick," she told him. "Not bad for two minutes of work."

"I'm standing by my statement that I didn't mean a hundred per word…I meant a hundred per gift card."

"That would be two hundred dollars…which comes out to four dollars a word….I'm thinking five dollars a word is a better number. That would total two hundred and fifty dollars; which would be one hundred and twenty-five per gift card."

"Is that your final offer?" Castle asked.

"Unless you want me to aim for a higher amount."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "Five dollars per word is perfect."

"And it will be acknowledged at the beginning of the book?" Johanna asked.

"I'll not only acknowledge it at the beginning of the book; I'll dedicate the whole book to you."

"I'm fine with just the acknowledgment at the beginning of the book; along with my gift cards…which I expect to collect within thirty days," she answered. "Please sign here."

"I can not believe this," Castle said as he signed his name on the line she had drawn.

"Believe it," Johanna stated as she signed her own name and then pulled yet another piece of paper from her notebook.

"What are you doing now?"

"Making you a copy," she remarked. She copied the original document, dating and signing her name and having him sign it as well. "There you go; there's your copy of the contract and the page I wrote the statement down on to count the words. Read the contract carefully; I put a provision in there stating that you can't change my original statement in any way."

"You tell me that after you have me sign?"

Johanna smiled. "Life lesson for you, Rick; never sign anything without reading it first."

"I never want to go up against you in court, Johanna," he replied.

"Then you better follow that contract."

"You have my word; and your gift cards will be delivered at our lunch next Tuesday."

She frowned. "You're really going to make me do this every week?"

Castle smiled. "Pretty much; but I feel like we made some progress today; and hey, you're getting compensated this time."

She smirked. "It's almost like therapy…wait…does Katie know I quit therapy and now she's sending you to be my therapist?"

"No; I assure you that she still very much believes that you go to therapy once a week."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive."

Johanna nodded and made sure all of her belongings were put back in her purse before she picked up her cup and took the last sip of tea. "Thanks for lunch."

"You're welcome; but like last time; you'll wait for me to pay the check and I'll walk you to your car," he replied.

"Fine," she sighed.

After he paid the bill; he walked with her in the direction of her car. "I think it went better this time," he stated. "Don't you?"

"I think the jury is still out on that, Rick," she answered as she found her keys in her purse.

"Come on, it's not so bad to talk to me, is it?"

Johanna met his eye. "It always starts off fine…but then we usually tread into some area best left alone and then we don't get along."

"We're working on it though."

"Yeah…until I find out what the hell you and Katie are up to."

"It's all perfectly innocent; I swear."

"Uh huh," she said as she unlocked her door. "See you around."

"Still no hug?" he asked lightly.

"No; I'm not feeling like I'm at the hugging stage," Johanna replied while sitting her bag in the car.

"Maybe next time?"

"We'll see."

"That's what you said last time."

Johanna smiled. "We're still seeing."

Castle laughed and shook his head. "Drive safely, Johanna."

"You too; give my love to my daughter."

"I promise. Same time next week; I'll send you a reminder."

"Try to time it better," she quipped as she got into her car. "I don't appreciate my moments getting interrupted."

Castle smirked at her. "What would be a good time?"

"Well, Jim usually gets home between 4:30 and 5; so I'd suggest sometime before then."

"So anytime after five you might be involved in a moment?" he couldn't help but respond.

Johanna smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "What can I say; we've still got it."

"I don't know whether to cringe slightly or congratulate you," Castle replied.

"A little of both will suffice I suppose. See you later."

Castle smiled and told her goodbye before shutting her door for her. He watched her drive away, thinking to himself that just maybe she was warming up to him…slightly…but it was a start.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 4

Castle unlocked the door of the loft late that afternoon and stepped inside, the smell of dinner cooking hitting his nose. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent as his gaze moved in the direction of the kitchen; finding his wife at the stove, spoon in hand as she stirred sauce.

"Hey," he said as she met his eye. "Did you get home early?"

"I did," Kate answered. "I went to that meeting with Captain Gates and when it was over she said I could take the rest of the day off. Needless to say but I didn't hesitate; I got home around 2:30."

He smiled; glad that she had taken the opportunity to cut her work day short. "Your good fortune inspired you to cook a feast?" he asked; his eyes taking in the various pots and pans and bowls scattered around the counter and on the stove.

Kate gave him a sheepish grin. "Well I feel hungry today…and I had a craving for pasta and this sauce. I figured as long as I was going to make the pasta, I may as well make the breadsticks and the salad…and a little bit of chicken."

His brow rose slightly. "Is this the moment where you start turning into your mother?"

"If I am, I'm not going to complain until I'm done eating," she replied. "She is the one who taught me how to cook all of this."

"And I'm grateful," Castle replied as he moved closer to steal a kiss before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Kate gave him a soft smile. "How was your meeting at the publisher?"

"It went very well," he answered. "I was given a very lucrative new deal for four more Nikki Heat books; plus more e-books for Derrick Storm and the option to do some novella type e-books for Nikki when the inspiration strikes; like holiday themed offerings."

"You have been dying to give Nikki a Halloween themed murder to solve."

"I have," he said gleefully; "A Christmas one too."

She nodded. "Yes, I know; you have a whole folder of ideas on your laptop. What about the other thing?"

Castle swallowed the drink of water he had taken. "Yes; they read the sample of the new series and have given me the green light; so far it's just for e-books but if they like the finished product and think it'll perform as well as Nikki, it'll get the full treatment and will be released in e-book and hardcopy."

"Good; I think it's a great idea," Kate told him. "It's slightly out of your usual comfort zone while actually staying in the genre you prefer…and I know you like the character."

"Not as much as I love Nikki though."

"I wasn't jealous if that's what you're afraid of," she laughed.

"You could at least pretend to be; I mean what kind of wife are you?" he teased.

"Apparently I'm turning into the kind that comes home and cooks dinner instead of ordering takeout."

"Should we call a doctor?" he quipped.

"No need for that. Did my mother show up for lunch?" Kate asked as she grabbed a spatula to turn the chicken fillets she had in the skillet.

"She did," he answered. "She was there before me."

"Really?" she asked; her brow rising in suspicion.

"Yes…but I'm pretty sure it was just so she could accuse me of being late when I got there at 12:02."

"Mhmm; classic," she said with a laugh.

"She also took me for $250 dollars," Castle announced as he leaned back against the counter.

"What?" Kate said as she whirled to face him; spatula still in hand.

"You heard me correctly."

"What did you do, play poker with her?"

"No; I liked something she said and I asked if I could use it in a book…she graciously accepted after charging me five dollars a word, payable in gifts cards to Macy's and Bloomingdales, and making me sign a contract."

Kate's eyes glittered with amusement. "No way."

He smirked at her as he pulled the piece of paper from his pocket. "See for yourself."

She took the piece of paper from his hand, recognizing her mother's elegant script. She couldn't help but burst into laughter as she read the document her mother had created. "Can we get this framed?" she asked amid giggles; "Because I'd like to be able to see this anytime I need a laugh."

"I'll have it mounted in the office just for your amusement," Castle replied.

"Please do," she said as she handed him back the makeshift contract. "What was it that she said that you liked so well?"

He smiled. "You'll have to wait and see."

"Seriously?"

"Yes; you see, I'm not sure I'm allowed to share prior to publication. Your mother has already stipulated that the words not be altered and that the credit for the acknowledgment be at the beginning of the book. She didn't mention sharing it prior to the publishing so I better keep it to myself and spare myself another gift card purchase."

"She won't let you forget those gift cards either," Kate laughed.

"I got them before my meeting," he answered; "Trust me; I wouldn't dare back out on our deal."

"I'd still like to know what she said."

"Wait and see."

"Which series are you going to put it in? Nikki, Derrick, or the new one?"

"I'm not sure; either Nikki or the new one."

"What are you going to call the new one? We've been calling it the new one for weeks now."

"I know…I've got a working title for the first book but it's not a concrete one yet."

"And do you want to share your working title with your wife?"

"No, not yet."

"That doesn't seem fair, Castle; I mean I do share my work with you."

"Yes; but your work is part of my research."

She smirked at him. "Still feels a little unfair…all things considered."

His brow rose. "You're going to pull that card?"

Kate shrugged. "Well…I only have so long to use it so I may as well start now."

Castle sighed and dropped an arm around her shoulders. "Okay the working title of the book is Erica's Law…first book of the Erica Bradley series."

She smiled. "I like it."

"That's what you said about the first chapter."

"And it's the truth; I do like it…I like it a lot. When are you going to tell everyone?"

"After it's finished and has gone through the first round of editing…and the final decision if it's going to stay only in the e-book format or if they'll also do a paperback release."

Kate nodded. "I think Mom will like it."

"I think she'll hate it and probably think that's the reason for our lunches."

"Isn't it part of the reason?"

"Honestly; this new series, although Erica is based on your mother since she's been introduced in the Nikki Heat series, is really just a very small portion of the reason. You know the main reason…you also know the other reason."

"Yeah…and she's going to have to know about that sooner rather than later."

Castle sighed. "I know…but you can give me a few more weeks, right? That's what we talked about."

"Yes; I'm going to stick to the agreement we made about that; but no matter how your process goes; I'm telling her at the chosen point…because it's hard for me not to tell her right now…very, very hard."

He nodded. "I know; and I appreciate the time you're giving me and no matter what; I won't ask you to push back the timeframe we agreed on; I promise."

"And you _will not_ breathe a word to your mother about it, remember that," Kate said firmly.

"I give you my word. Speaking of my mother though; where is she?"

"She said she won't be home tonight; she has a date."

"Who's the lucky winner?"

She smirked at him. "You know it's Ben."

"With Mother it's always best to ask to be sure she hasn't snuck someone in under the radar."

"So; getting back to your lunch with my mother; did you make any progress?"

Castle shrugged. "Well, she was a bit more animated when it came to answering the questions about work. She was threatening her students today to get their work done…and making them provide proof of their excuses if they wanted an extension."

"She loves doing that," Kate replied. "Mom has always loved to demand proof."

"Must be an inherited trait; you love proof too."

"Occupational hazard…and most likely the hazard of being raised by lawyers."

"Most likely true on both counts."

"Did you take care of any items on that list that you unwisely made in front of her last week?"

He smiled. "It must not have been too unwise; she showed up."

"Yeah; well, let's remember that you asked me to make sure of that which basically means I guilt her."

"I'm seeing why you weren't a cheerleader in high school," Castle remarked.

Kate smirked. "I could've been one if I wanted to…but it wasn't my thing."

"Can't besmirch that bad ass image."

"I don't know; I think you've might've tarnished it a little," she teased.

"I can only hope so," he quipped; "But as for your question; I was able to cross therapy off my list."

"Mom actually shared details about that?" she asked; "Because when I ask her about it she's pretty tightlipped about it and gives very basic responses."

"She has reasons for that," Castle replied without much thought.

"Oh? What kind of reasons? What did she say?"

"She…" he started to say and then trailed off.

"She what?" Kate asked as she turned down the heat for the burners in use on the stove.

"I…uh…well…I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because she'd probably shoot me," he replied.

His wife rolled her eyes. "I won't tell; just spit it out…I have to admit, I am kind of curious how she does with the whole process and why she's so secretive about it."

"I don't really think she wanted me to share it with you."

Kate gave a soft huff of annoyance. "Come on, Castle; I can keep a secret."

"I don't think I should," he said hesitantly.

"What could she have said about therapy that's as bad as you seem to think?"

He sighed deeply and took a sip of water. "She doesn't go."

Kate held his gaze for a long moment, the only sound to be heard was the bubbling of sauce cooking and the sizzle of chicken fillets. "She doesn't go anymore?" she said once she found her voice. "She quit?"

Castle shifted awkwardly. "Well…it's kind of like she never really started…"

"What?!"

He cringed at her shrill tone. "She…um…went to the appointment you made for her but after that she didn't go back."

"Are you kidding me?" Kate yelled.

"No; but I wish I was."

"So she's been lying to me for over a year?" she exclaimed as she grabbed her phone from the counter.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sitting his bottle of water aside as panic filled him.

"Calling her."

"No," he yelled; grabbing the phone from her hand before she could ring the line. "You can't call her; I wasn't supposed to tell!"

"You lied," she remarked as she tried to grab the phone from him.

"You promised you wouldn't tell her that I told!"

"I lied too, give me the damn phone."

"If you lied and I lied and she lied; then we're all liars and we're all even, right?" he asked.

"Wrong," Kate replied. "I want the phone."

"No," he said as he shoved it into his pocket. "You're not calling her. I only told you because you made me and if you tell her that I told you, she'll hate me for sure and it won't help the cause, Kate; it so won't help my cause."

"At the moment, I don't care. Why did she lie to me about it? Why does she let me believe that she goes to therapy every Thursday at eleven? That's why I told you to pick Tuesday because she works Monday, Wednesday and Friday and has therapy on Thursdays."

Castle gently grasped her arms. "She tells you that she goes because she knows that's what you want to hear," he explained. "She doesn't want you to be mad at her for rejecting your method."

"And lying to me is going to make me happy?"

He shrugged. "It's worked for over a year…until I broke her trust and told you…which she will inevitably find out and all my work will be in vain."

Kate sighed in exasperation. "For your sake; I won't tell her that I know…but it will be very difficult so you better suck up to her really well, Castle; because one day it will probably slip out and I don't know what to tell you about it."

"Then you're going to have to help me think up better suck up methods," he replied. "But listen; she didn't do the traditional therapy but she got better using her own methods…you do think she's a lot better now than she was don't you?"

"Yeah…but I thought it was because she was putting in the time."

"She did; just in other ways…she got where you both want her to be; she just did it in her own way and they're all ways that a therapist would probably approve of; she has people to confide in, she got a job, she exercises, she finds outlets for her feelings, she and your dad take trips and get away when she feels like she needs a change. She did the work; she just had to do it the Johanna Beckett way…and as long as she's better now, that's all the matters, right?"

Kate nodded, resigning herself to keeping her knowledge a secret. "Yeah; I guess that's true."

"So…our secret?" Castle asked.

"Yes," she huffed. "Set the damn table."

"Oh good; we're going to have a side of aggravation with dinner; one of my favorites," he quipped.

She gave him a coy smile. "If you play your cards right; it might be followed up with on of my favorite methods of working off aggravation."

Castle grabbed the plates from the cabinet. "I'm definitely going to play those cards right."

* * *

"Do you have room for me?" Johanna asked Jim as she approached the couch where he was stretched out that evening after she had finished cleaning up the kitchen.

Her husband smiled and shifted. "I always make room for you, sweetheart."

"It's a good thing," she replied as she curled up with him. "What are we watching?"

"I was just catching up on the news; but now that you're here, I'll find something more to your liking."

"Can I help it if it's easier to read it online and be done with it?" she asked with a soft laugh.

"No; but I guess I'm still old fashioned and prefer a newscaster to back up what I've seen online."

"That's alright, I like you that way," Johanna quipped; "And you don't have to turn it…you know why I developed my approach to news. I might not be in it anymore but old habits are hard to break."

"I understand that," he assured. "To tell you the truth; I think news stresses you less when you read about it online instead of watching it so I'm okay with you not liking to watch it on TV much."

"I think it's easier to move past if I don't have to hear someone talking about it," she replied. "It seems weird but it is less stressful."

Jim gave her hip a gentle squeeze of understanding as he finished watching the weather report and then he clicked the channel to a sitcom rerun. "Did you make any progress at finding out what Katie and Rick are up to?" he asked.

"No," she sighed. "He's sticking to his story for now."

"You still don't think it's a legitimate story?"

"I think it's legitimate; I'm just not buying that there isn't more to it. I just have to figure out how to trick the rest of it out of him."

"I'm sure you will eventually; you were always good at that in court."

"Yeah…but I'm probably not at the same high caliber as I used to be where the courtroom is concerned."

Jim breathed deeply. "I think you miss the courtroom sometimes," he remarked as he threaded his fingers through her hair.

"Sometimes I do," she admitted softly. "I think it's a side effect of teaching. I teach those kids how to prepare cases and be ready for anything that can come at them…and a part of me wishes that I could just show them…that I could just…"

"Take a case so they could observe the real thing in a real setting?"

"Yeah," Johanna sighed; "And I know it's ridiculous. We go through mock cases and practice techniques."

"But it's not the same, is it?"

"No, but it has it's advantages. There aren't any clients yelling if you lose and there's no monetary loss either. I do miss the real thing though at times but I'm retired from practicing law."

"You broke that vow once before," her husband reminded her. "You renewed your license."

"I know…but that was unfinished business. I haven't done it since. I help you on occasion and that's as far as it goes. I'll keep my license current because that's what the state law requires but I'm not going to go back on my word."

"I know, sweetheart."

"You're the one who keeps sneaking back in, taking second chair on some of Zach's cases," Johanna remarked lightly.

"With your encouragement and blessing."

"As always."

"So what did your lunch date consist of this time?"

"Today's theme was therapy."

"Therapy?"

"I let it slip that I quit so technically the theme was 'Why I Quit Therapy'."

Jim gave a quiet laugh. "Sounds like those 'What I Did on My Summer Vacation' papers we had to write in school."

"I'd prefer to write the essay."

"So what did you tell him?"

"I told him that I find therapy all around me…especially with you."

"I'm a man of many talents," he quipped.

"You are and I love them all," Johanna replied warmly as she brushed her lips against his.

"I love all of yours too, for the record."

"I appreciate it."

"Do you think he'll tell Katie your little secret about therapy?"

Johanna sighed. "Knowing him, he's probably telling her as we speak because I'm sure she grills him and I doubt he keeps much to himself. That's why I left my phone in the kitchen…I'm temporarily unavailable for phone calls."

Jim laughed. "You can't hide from her forever; she'll find you."

"I know…but while she gives me the requisite five ignored calls before she comes beating on the door, I can live in bliss."

"What happens when the bliss ends when she eventually shows up? What are you going to tell her?"

"I guess I'll tell her the same thing I told Rick; I went and I didn't like it. I found other methods that were more agreeable to me and that it doesn't mean that I think there's anything wrong with her methods, just that they're not for me. She'll probably be mad…I'm sure the word 'liar' will be thrown around like a mallet, because she loves to do that when she gets an opportunity."

"Well as her mother, you're well aware of the fact that she lies too when it suits her so don't be afraid to throw it back at her," her husband remarked.

"I know…I just hate the thought of going down that road. I don't know what made me slip up and spill the beans on that one but I hate myself a little for it."

"It was bound to happen…you couldn't pretend to go forever, now could you?"

"No…but I planned to eventually say that I was told that I didn't have to come back weekly anymore. I was going to ease her into it by saying I was knocked down to every other week at some point and then eventually saying that I was finished and she'd be none the wiser."

"That's a good plan in theory, sweetheart."

"Mhmm…I had also hoped that if she did ever find out that I didn't actually go that it would be around a time we were going on vacation that way she'd be mad while we're away and over it by the time we got back."

Jim brushed a kiss against her hair. "Also a good idea in theory."

"Yeah; theory is the easy part."

"Did Rick throw anymore low blows?" he asked.

"A few but I dealt with it."

"He better start curbing that behavior or him and I are going to have a meeting about _his_ need for improvement."

"It's alright; I can handle it for now."

"You shouldn't have to," he muttered. "Did you get any new labels?"

"Dysfunctional…as in a member of a dysfunctional family."

"Are we supposed to be insulted by that? Because our family has always worn that as a badge of honor."

She laughed softly. "I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be an insult; he didn't count on our pride in it. I mentioned that Katie had a more stable upbringing than he did and that was when he reminded me that the only dying Martha's ever done was onstage."

Jim's arm tightened around her. "I really wish you wouldn't go back for more, Jo. Whatever it is that they're up to; just let it fall flat."

"I do it for Katie."

"I think you've done enough for Katie. Sweetheart; I don't want you to take this the wrong way; you've made a lot of progress since coming home but I think there's still a part of you that thinks you have to cater to most of Katie's whims as a way of continuing to apologize for the past. You've done enough; you don't have to keep doing it."

She exhaled a heavy breath. "You know it's hard for me to think in those terms."

"I know…but I hate when people say things like that to you."

"It doesn't really hurt anymore…it's kind of like getting a shot; you feel the pinch and then it's gone. People are always going to pull that one out of the box when they want to wound me…I just can't let it destroy me anymore. I think I've been doing okay with that for a good while now."

"You have been," he agreed; "But it's not fair for people to throw that in your face…especially your son-in-law. I also don't like how you always seem to be compared to Martha."

"That doesn't thrill me either but I do what I have to do…for now."

"Why don't you just grill Katie about whatever this is…if you do it good enough, she'll get mad and tell you."

"That's plan B," Johanna replied. "I'm hoping to avoid that one; because as I mentioned earlier, I hate when she's mad at me."

"I could grill her," Jim suggested.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because there's always a fifty percent chance that your grilling will make her cry and then you'll feel guilty and I'll get the blame and it just isn't worth it," she remarked.

"I guess you do have a point about that."

She stole a quick kiss and gave him a smile. "I always do."

He chuckled quietly. "Has anything good come out of these lunches yet?"

"Well, I did make two hundred and fifty dollars today; payable in gift cards to Macy's and Bloomingdales."

"How did you manage that?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"I made a statement that Rick wants to use in a book…I charged him five dollars a word."

Her husband laughed as he brushed a kiss against her temple. "That's my girl."

"I made him sign a paper too."

"See, you were being a lawyer," her husband quipped.

"I guess in a small way," she replied.

"Was he agreeable to the terms?"

"His sarcasm is what cost him a gift card to Bloomingdales as well."

"That will teach him," he laughed; "And hey, the next time he wants to buy something you said; it's seven dollars a word."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because you're established now…your price goes up," Jim remarked. "You're not an amateur anymore."

"Good point; I'll keep that in mind."

"See that's why it's always best for you to consult _your_ lawyer."

"Very true," Johanna replied. "Now enough about lunch…and more about my favorite kind of therapy; my husband."

Jim gave her a squeeze. "The doctor is in, sweetheart."

* * *

The classroom was largely silent Monday morning as Johanna sat at the desk, keeping a watchful eye on her students as they worked on the assignment she had given them ten minutes before. They had another ten minutes before she started asking for their answers and drilling them on the next section of the chapter they were on in the textbook. The sound of her phone chiming broke the silence and she mentally chastened herself for forgetting to put it on silent.

"Mrs. Beckett; you know the classroom rules," one of her students said lightly. "Phones are to be silent."

Johanna smirked at the young man in the front row. "Watch it, Brady; I might call on you first out of spite."

The young man grinned at her as she reached for her phone. "You wouldn't do that to me, Mrs. B."

"That's what you think; do your work," she said with a smile of her own as she put the phone on silent and then opened the text message.

" _Just reminding you of lunch tomorrow; same time and place although I think we'll have to eat inside; it's supposed to be a lot cooler tomorrow. Did I time this message better?"_

Johanna sighed as she replied to Castle's message. _"Congratulations, Rick; you managed to catch me at work…on the one day I forgot to put the phone on silent…so my students can heckle me for breaking my own 'phones must be on silent' rule."_

His response came quickly. _"So ten a.m. isn't a good time for reminders either?"_

" _After work reminders would be better."_

" _You're going to have to narrow the window, Johanna."_

Another sigh crossed her lips. _"How about after noon but before 4:30 when I'm preparing dinner and Jim is home or on his way?"_

" _Alright; I'll try to do better. I'll also deliver your gift cards tomorrow."_

Johanna smiled. _"Good; now I have something to brighten up my Tuesday."_

" _I don't brighten up your Tuesday?"_

" _I've got to go, Rick; the kids are almost done their work. See you tomorrow."_

" _Avoidance of the question, I see. Tell them how much you enjoy tormenting your son-in-law."_

Johanna smirked at the screen and laid the phone down without bothering to reply; if anyone was being tormented, it was definitely the mother-in-law.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Please remember that this story is set in the future of the Redemption universe; some things mentioned haven't been written yet (and they will be) but details will be provided when that particular topic is tackled. Just trust me; it's like when you first starting watching a show that's in it's second season and you don't know all the details but you jump in and watch anyway because you know it'll be told or figured out. Just hang in there; there will be bad moments, there will be good, there will be surprises, all will be revealed. Just trust me._

Chapter 5

On Tuesday afternoon, Castle stood outside the café, ignoring the curious stares of passersby as he waited on Johanna to appear. The air was cooler as had been predicted and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat to keep them from getting chilled as his gaze continued to search the sidewalk. He had thought that she'd be there early once again, just to prove the point that she could be punctual but it was 12:07 and his mother-in-law was nowhere in sight. Castle wondered if he should be worried as his hand curled around his phone in his pocket. He counted off another three minutes in his head as worry did begin to seep into his gut.

Castle pulled his phone from his pocket and found Johanna's number, his thumb touching the screen to connect the call. The line had only rang twice when she answered. "I just got out of the car, Rick; I'll be there in a minute."

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"It's just been one of those days so far," Johanna answered. "I'll explain when I get there."

"Alright," he replied, ending the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket as he caught sight of her striding down the sidewalk towards him.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Johanna said as she neared him. "It wasn't intentional."

"I didn't think it was," he replied as he opened the door for her.

Johanna stepped inside the café and pulled off her sunglasses as she waited for her son-in-law to choose the table he wanted. Castle lightly pressed his fingertips against her back, nudging her toward the booth by the window. She went along without a word, grateful that most of the café's patrons seemed to prefer the tables toward the back opposed to the front where they'd be sitting.

Castle slid into the booth and caught the eye of his favored waiter as he did so, signaling him to come their way when he was finished with his customer. He stayed quiet, waiting patiently as Johanna laid her belongings on the table and then shrugged out of her black dress coat. She was dressed professionally today, he noted; navy blue silk blouse and grey skirt and blazer. "Did you work today?" he asked as she settled into her seat across from him, her hands busily shoving her sunglasses and phone into her bag.

"Not in the usual sense," she replied. "There was a faculty meeting this morning. I hate those."

He smiled. "How come?"

"Because for one thing, most of them bore me; and for another, half of them don't seem necessary. They could've emailed me today's nonsense."

The waiter appeared before he could comment, their menus being handed to them as they were asked what they wanted to drink.

"Would you like wine this time?" Castle asked.

It was on the tip of her tongue to say yes, the morning had been somewhat frustrating but she bit back the response as she always seemed to do. "No, thank you. I'll have a cup of tea to warm me up."

"Are you sure?"

Johanna worried her bottom lip for a moment in brief debate but then shook her head. "I'm sure."

Castle ordered a cup of coffee and gave a nod as the waiter told them that he'd be back in a few minutes to take their orders. When he was out of ear shot, Castle glanced at his mother-in-law. "You really could've had a glass of wine…I think you wanted it."

"Wanting it doesn't mean I need to have it," she replied.

He held her gaze. "Do you still have that issue of not wanting to drink because of Jim? Because Kate thought you were better about that; she mentioned that you had a glass with her the one day she managed to get you to come over for a visit…and you drank champagne at wedding."

"I took a sip of champagne at the wedding," Johanna corrected. "Katie handed me her glass and told me I could have a drink of it if I wanted. I took exactly one sip. As for being better about the issue; I'm better than I used to be. I have a glass of wine once in awhile; usually it's with Maggie…but I try not to indulge too often; and honestly that's more about me than it is about Jim."

"Maybe you should've discussed that in therapy."

Johanna shot him a look. "I discuss those feelings with my husband when I need to…and the number of those discussions has dwindled so I think I'm fine. I think we've discussed therapy enough. I don't want to get in the habit of needing a glass of wine when I have a bad day."

Castle gave a nod. "Noted. Does that mean the meeting went badly?"

"No; it was just mundane and stupid in my opinion; they didn't tell me anything I don't already know; and if I have to be at an 8am meeting, the least they could do is provide doughnuts."

He couldn't help but laugh. "That would be the polite thing to do."

"I think so," she commented as the waiter delivered their drinks and asked if they were ready to order.

Johanna ordered her usual salad and then gave in to Castle's gentle coaxing to get a sandwich to go along with it. She did so to keep the peace, he seemed concerned about her lunch habits and she didn't want that to be added to his list of topics to be discussed. After all, she wasn't sure she had much to say on the topic of salads other than the fact that she had always favored them…that it seemed to be some oddity that she'd had for as long as she could remember. She stayed quiet as he placed his order for a sandwich and the mini potatoes that he seemed to favor at the establishment.

"What else made your morning difficult?" Castle asked after the waiter left the table.

"Well, I knew I'd have to go to this boring meeting so I put out the word that I'd be in my office for a few hours this morning," Johanna remarked. "I have to show up in my office at least once a week and I figured I could get it out of the way today."

"When do you usually do it?"

"I usually go in for two hours on Thursday mornings…then if Katie calls or stops by, she'll think I'm in therapy," she told him; "But she doesn't need to know that. Like I said; I figured I'd just go in today instead since I had to be on campus anyway. My office hours are usually spent doing paperwork and being there for students complaints or questions or to accept their late assignments…if I'm of a mind to do so."

"So what happened?"

Johanna sighed. "I must've picked national complaint day to be in my office, because just about everyone through the door had something to bitch about. My personal favorites were the student who came in to complain that I assigned too much work yesterday and they just don't have time to get it done because they have a busy social life and other classes…"

"That takes nerve," Castle said, halting her flow of words.

"Doesn't it though? And let me just tell you that yesterday, I assigned one chapter to be read and gave out the corresponding work packet for the chapter…which isn't due until Friday; and I asked them to start thinking about the topic of the paper I'll be assigning next week; because I have to approve the topic."

"So basically, reading, answering work sheets and thinking?"

"Yes; aren't I terrible?"

Castle laughed. "They might start calling you the warden, Johanna."

"Oh I'm pretty sure I heard the word 'bitch' as that student exited my office when I told him that he better adjust his social calendar and get to work because the assignment wasn't being changed. I've been called worse so if he hoped to wound me, he failed miserably. Apparently he doesn't know that in my family, that's one of our badges of honor."

"Is that kind of like a Girl Scout badge?" he asked lightly.

"I'd like to think it's better; the only person in my family who was ever a girl scout was my sister…and she only lasted a year."

"I would've thought that you would've been one; it seems like something you would've done as a kid."

Johanna shook her head. "I didn't like the uniform; it was ugly."

"So if it had been a better looking uniform you would've considered joining?"

"Yes…but I have this aversion to wearing ugly things so it just wasn't possible for me to get past the ugly uniform. I took dance classes."

His brow rose. "What kind of dance? Because dance costumes are sometimes questionable fashion wise."

She smirked at him. "I'll have you know that my costumes were very cute."

"You didn't answer about the type of dance class though."

"I took ballet," Johanna answered. "I think I was about five when my mother enrolled me and I stayed with it until I was thirteen I think."

"Why did you quit?"

"My sister was making it out to be a competition; she was in ballet too. I decided to move on to gymnastics and she moved on to tap…and annoyed the hell out of us for two years with her tapping on the kitchen floor."

"Gymnastics?" Castle said in surprise.

"Yes; but only for a year; my father didn't like it."

"How come?"

"Honestly, I don't really know. He told me to find a new hobby so I started doing school plays and became a cheerleader."

"What about your sister?"

"She eventually tapped too many times and he told her to select a new dance class or find a new hobby; she found a different dance class."

"Interesting," he said with a nod. "Any other student stories to share?"

Johanna took a sip of her tea. "Well there was the over achiever who came in to tell me that he thinks it's unfair that he has a 98 in my class…I'm ruining his average. I doesn't matter that he's gotten a few questions wrong on quizzes; he should still have a hundred in his opinion and I'm just totally wrong about the whole thing. He believes they were trick questions and that I graded his answers unfairly."

"What did you tell him?"

"I went over the answers with him; backed up the correct answers with proof from the text book and a law book and he still argued with me about it until I told him to get the hell out of my office before I knocked his grade down another few points because I allowed one answer to slide on one of the papers in question and really, I could've marked it wrong for the way he worded his response. I understood what he was saying so I let it go…I told him I wish I hadn't and that I still had time to change it. He decided to concede the battle and leave…and once again, I'm pretty sure I heard the word 'bitch' being muttered."

"So you're really popular today," Castle laughed.

"Oh yes; I'm pretty sure I'm the queen of bitches today. You know the comic strip Peanuts?"

"Of course."

"My favorite character in that comic has always been Lucy Van Pelt; and as you know, she has her little psychiatric booth and it says 'The doctor is in'."

"Yeah, that's pretty much a staple of pop culture."

"I'd like to have a sign to hang on the front of my desk that says 'the bitch is in' so my students will know from the get go that I'm aware of my status and that I'm okay with it," Johanna replied. "You wouldn't happen to know where I could get one of those signs, would you?"

"No," he grinned; "But I can ask around."

"Please do. There were a few other complaints about due dates and pestering to accept late assignments, and if it's a first time offense I'm fine with that, or if there's a good excuse like illness or family emergency; but by the third and fourth time with lame excuses, I'm not as obliging and that doesn't go well. After two hours I had more than enough and I go get in my car and it wouldn't start. I had to call Jim and I couldn't get a hold of him the first two calls; finally got him on the third, he had just finished taking a deposition. He and Jeff came to see what the issue was; he thinks I need a new battery and possibly a new battery cable because he said it looks like it could stand to be replaced. They got it started but he told me to take his car and he took mine; he's going to take it over to his brother's after work, he's got some kind of tester thing…I don't know what the hell he was talking about, I just tend to nod when he gets technical about car repair. I then had to convince him to stay at his brother's for dinner if he's invited to do so; it'll be compensation for Michael having to help him with my car. So that's why I was late; we had to trade cars and I have to give the standard; it doesn't matter that they don't invite me to dinner; stay and visit your brother talk. So once again, I'm sorry for being late."

"Things happen," her son-in-law replied; "It's okay. I was starting to worry though."

"Sorry," she said once again as their meal was brought to the table. "I should've called but honestly, I was just very frustrated and didn't think about it."

"I understand; it's fine. But if you'd ever have that problem again and you can't get a hold of Jim, please call me and I'll come and pick you up; doesn't matter if it's Tuesday or not; you can call, I'll come."

Johanna nodded. "Okay…I thought I was going to have to call Katie when I couldn't get Jim the first two times. I really didn't want to take a cab…I hate taking a cab."

"She's in court today," he answered; "You probably wouldn't have gotten her."

"Court?"

"For one of her cases."

"Oh," Johanna said with a shake of her head; "See what 8am meetings and office hours do to me; they scatter my brain cells."

He laughed quietly. "It's probably because they didn't serve doughnuts….ruined your whole day."

"Pretty much. Is Katie mad at me? She seemed a little off the other day when I talked to her."

"Why would she be mad at you?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…I thought maybe you told her about how I don't go to therapy and she's just holding it in so I don't quit showing up for lunch."

Castle had to suppress the urge to shift in his seat; he had told…and Kate hadn't been happy…but he couldn't tell Johanna that. "Nothing like that," he said; "She just wasn't feeling good the other day."

Concern spread across her features. "She didn't mention that; what's wrong? Is she sick?"

"No; there's nothing to worry about," he replied; knowing he had to be careful with his words or he'd reveal the secret that Kate wanted to tell her herself…the one he was asking her to hold on to for a little while longer. "She just had a little bit of an upset stomach and a headache...it's that season, you know?"

"She's okay now?"

He nodded. "She's fine, I promise."

Johanna eyed him. "You wouldn't ever lie to me about that, would you?"

"No; I promise I wouldn't do that to you. She's fine. If Jim happens to have dinner with his brother, you could come over and have dinner with us and see for yourself."

She picked up a bite of her salad; her gaze suddenly on her plate. "I take your word for it."

"That doesn't mean you can't come over anyway."

"Not today," Johanna replied.

"Why not?"

"Because so far I've had the morning from hell and I'm just looking forward to going home…I wish Jim would be there but I'll settle for my cat until he gets home."

"What if I said you could bring Scarlett with you?"

"I don't think Katie would like that; she's not fond of my kitten."

"That's not true."

Johanna's brow rose. "She calls her a fur ball."

"But she says it with affection," he replied. "Scarlett is more than welcome in our home."

"I think I'll just stay home with her."

"Come on, you haven't been over for awhile…and I don't think you've ever come to dinner without Jim," Castle remarked.

She shrugged as she swallowed a bite of her salad. "I don't recall you being at my house lately either."

"I'm not sure I recall any recent invitations," he replied.

"I haven't issued any the last few weeks. I get tired of hearing 'sorry, we have other plans' and no, I'm not begrudging anyone a busy life. I just wish Katie would rotate her excuses so they'll wear evenly."

Castle took a sip of his coffee, knowing that what he was about to confess wouldn't score him any points. "Some of them are my fault…I know the last one was for sure."

Johanna shot him a puzzled look. "Why? Did you have some work event that she went to with you; because I get that you do have things to do; it's just hard to catch the two of you on a week when you're available."

"No; it wasn't that…I…well…I just didn't want to come; so she said we had other plans."

Her fork paused over her plate, her expression unreadable as she seemed to weigh whether she should take the bite or put the fork down until she had waded through the topic at hand. "I'm getting the idea that it's been that case more than once," she remarked.

He nodded. "Yeah; it has been."

Johanna's gaze flicked to his. "So why didn't she just say so? There's no need to lie about it. She could've come without you."

"Kate's not like that…I guess she gets that loyalty from her father."

Her eyes narrowed. "So I guess that's a subtle hint that I have no loyalty?"

"I didn't say that…I just mean that Kate wasn't going to come without me and lie about my whereabouts…just like Jim won't eat at his brother's without you."

"There's a difference…"

"There always is when it comes to you," he said before he could stop himself.

"The difference," she said sharply; "Is that Michael and Natalie don't invite me to their home. When I invite Katie, you are always invited with her. I've even invited your mother and daughter for special occasions but those invites are always declined, because your traditions and feelings are always more important than our family's but we don't complain; we just go on about our business. I definitely get it now though, my home isn't good enough for you and that's fine."

"It's not like that," Castle replied. "I just don't like to come because I don't like the way you act."

"You don't like the way I act but I'm supposed to come to your place every time an invitation is extended?"

"We want you to visit as often as you'd like…I just don't like how uptight you get; how reserved and quiet you are. I can tell that you get defensive and that you don't want to be there. When we come to your house, you're still uptight and somewhat defensive…and I know you'd prefer Kate to just come alone."

"If I wanted Kate to just come alone; I'd only invite her," she said sharply.

"And she would decline, so of course you don't do that."

"Apparently she declines either way most of the time so what's the difference?" Johanna asked. "I swear; I didn't realize what a horrible person I was until you were around to tell me on a weekly basis; I can't thank you enough. It really makes me wonder what the real reason for this little weekly 'let me read you your sins and make you a better mother-in-law' lunch is about. I just can not wait for the whole truth to come out…and mark my words, it will…and if you're waiting on me to lower my guard so I won't find out or I'll quit wondering and forget that there's some secret motive; you're sadly mistaken because I never drop my guard and I don't forget a damn thing."

"Yeah; I know all about how you don't forget anything," Castle remarked. "I told you; the lunches are so we can get past all this discord."

Johanna scoffed as she pulled her phone from her purse. "You're being so very successful at that."

"What are you doing?" he asked as he saw her rapidly typing something on her phone.

"None of your business," she replied, as her gaze scanned the text she had composed to her daughter. _"The next time I ask you to come to dinner, don't give me that 'we have other plans' line; just be honest and say 'we're not coming because my husband doesn't like you'; and don't say that's not how it is, because he just set here and said it."_

Seeing that the message was free of errors, she hit send and laid the phone back down on the table; ignoring her son-in-law's slightly worried look.

"Johanna," he said; his voice strained as he struggled with how to turn things around. "I was just trying to be honest and I knew that in doing so I wouldn't score myself any points with you…but I thought maybe if we discussed it, then it would make it easier for invitations on both sides to be accepted."

"What invitations?" Johanna asked. "I'm going to take your advice and only invite my daughter; you can stay home since I'm such a distasteful person to share dinner with."

"If I thought you were distasteful, would I have invited you to dinner tonight?"

"Oh I think you would; you want something from me…I don't know what it is yet but I'll figure it out."

Castle sighed as his phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket, seeing his wife's picture on the screen. "Hello," he said as he answered.

"Castle, what the hell are you doing?" Kate asked sharply.

"I'm having lunch with your lovely mother," he answered. "Why? Am I supposed to be somewhere else?"

"No; but do you care to explain to me why I just got a text from my lovely mother telling me that the next time she invites me to dinner that I shouldn't say we have other plans; that I should instead say 'no, we're not coming because my husband doesn't like her'."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut and then looked across the table at his mother-in-law. "I never said I didn't like her," he told his wife, his gaze pinned to the woman sitting across from him.

Johanna took a bite of her salad, ignoring his pointed gaze.

"Then what did you say?" Kate asked on the other end of the line; "Because if she texted me right in front of you, then it wasn't something nice…which I imagine isn't helping this cause of yours."

He sighed deeply; regretting the moment he had thought up this idea. "I was trying to appeal to that great appreciation of honesty that she claims to have."

"Meaning what?" his wife asked sharply.

"We were discussing dinner invitations and I confessed that sometimes you tell her that we have plans when we don't because I don't like to go…because of how she acts around me."

"Seriously?" Kate replied. "You seriously thought that was wise? What is wrong with you? Did you inhale something on the way to the restaurant?"

"No; but I'm starting to wish we had gone to a bar…because at least then I could have a stiff drink to help me through this one."

"You're going to need more than a drink," Kate retorted. "You should've never said those things, Castle. She'll never invite us over again and we'll never get her through our door now; so you may as well just go ahead and pull the plug on this little win her over campaign because I'm sure you just blew it. Is she still there?"

"Yeah; she's still here…eating her salad like she didn't text my wife and tattle right in front of me."

"Give her the phone."

Castle sighed and held the phone out to her. "It's for you, Queen Johanna."

She smirked at him as she accepted the phone. "I'll try not to contaminate your phone."

"That's the least of my worries," he replied.

"Hello, Katie," Johanna said.

"I'm sorry," her daughter stated.

"No need to be sorry; the truth is enlightening."

"Not the kind of enlightening that we all like," Kate replied; "And honestly; that's only happened maybe three times. He also has never said to me that he dislikes you."

"He might not say it but it's there, sweetheart. You married a man who hates your mother."

"Oh God," Castle muttered. "Why are you so hard headed?"

"He doesn't hate you," Kate stated; "I don't know what his problem is today but I will take care of it when I get home; and if you want to get up and walk out right now, you can, I won't be mad."

"Oh no, I'll stay and inflict my torment on him; I'll also take his advice and only invite you from now on."

"We'll discuss that later," her daughter replied. "I planned on coming over anyway."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying," Kate replied. "Dad sent me a message and said that he had called Uncle Michael about taking your car over there and that he was invited to dinner; he said you already insisted that he accept that invitation; so he wanted me to know that if I was open to a Temptation Lane marathon and having girl time with my mother, this evening would be a good time for it. I already decided what I wanted to pick up for us to eat so don't go home and cook later…and don't tell me not to come because I'm coming."

"You don't have to though if you don't want to; your father shouldn't have made it sound like you were obligated to come over and keep me company…he also hasn't informed me of his invitation."

"He said he didn't want to interrupt your lunch with Rick."

"I wish he had."

"I know," her daughter replied. "I'm sorry that he's clearly stuck his foot in his mouth again; but I'm coming over tonight because I want to, okay? I want to spend some time with you and I want to watch Temptation Lane without husband commentary."

Johanna smiled a little. "Understandable…I have several episodes on the dvr."

"Good; I'm totally ready for them," Kate replied. "Please tell me you have last Friday's because someone supposedly accidentally erased it from my dvr."

"Yeah; I'm pretty sure I do have that one. Are you feeling better?"

"What?" Kate asked; her stomach dipping slightly.

"Rick said you weren't feeling good the other day when we talked; are you okay?" Johanna asked.

"Yeah; I'm fine. If I wasn't, I wouldn't come over and share my germs with you," she replied; adding one more thing to her own personal list to discuss with her husband when she got home.

"I wanted to be sure…a mother never stops worrying, you know?"

"I know, Mom; but I'm fine. I'll see you this evening, okay?"

"Yeah; I'll be there."

"Alright; I love you; give the phone back to my husband."

"I love you too, Katie," Johanna replied before handing the phone back to her son-in-law.

"Please keep in mind that I also love you," Castle said as he retook the phone.

"I love you too," Kate stated; "But we are going to have a serious talk when I see you. I had just gotten out of court when I got her text; I'm sitting in my car right now…and if the rest of my day stays mundane; I'm going to be home early just so we can have that discussion before I go have dinner with my mother."

Castle suppressed a sigh. "Something to look forward to."

"Uh huh; I suggest you mind your manners for however long she remains at the table. I'm surprised she's still there."

"I could say something about that but I won't."

"Smart move," his wife replied. "I'm going to head back to the precinct; I'll see you after while."

"Be careful; I'll see you later."

After hanging up the phone, Castle pinned his mother-in-law with an unamused look. "You just had to do that, didn't you?"

"Do what?"

"You know what. Why did you text Kate?"

Johanna smiled. "Because I'm a bad mother-in-law, remember; it's what we do…it's a very basic skill from the first chapter of the handbook."

Castle blew out a breath. "Maybe I'll get you a sign that says 'Bad Mother-In-Law'."

She smiled. "I'd prefer it to be on a t-shirt that I can wear with pride."

"Maybe I'll get you one for Christmas."

"Why wait? Shouldn't my badness be clarified and acknowledged to the world as soon as possible?" Johanna asked. "I can get you one that says 'bad son-in-law' and then we can match and maybe that will live up to your Brady Bunch ideal."

Castle scrubbed his hands over his face in exasperation. "We don't have to be the Brady Bunch."

"That's a relief."

"Sometimes I think you're deliberately difficult."

"Only when you provoke me," Johanna replied. "I thought I was doing pretty good at the start of this lunch. I thought we were managing a perfectly normal conversation and then you had to pull out the daggers."

"I didn't pull out any daggers!"

Her brow arched. "Really? You sit there and confess that my daughter lies to me because she doesn't want to tell me that you don't want to come to my home because you don't like me and you don't think that's a dagger?"

He raised a hand in surrender. "Okay; let's just dial this back."

"Why? You said it was only the truth…how do you dial back the truth? You can't put the bullet back into the gun after it's been fired," Johanna remarked. "You apparently wanted me to know this information and now you don't like how it was taken so you want to 'dial it back'…what's the matter, Rick? You can't handle your own truth? Aren't we having a good time?"

"Your level of sarcasm suggests that we're far from having fun," he replied. "I thought you'd appreciate the honesty and the chance to work through it. You always claim to be so big on the truth; after all, that was one of Kate's biggest spiels about her mother; how all her mother cared about was the truth; how she fought for it and believed in it…and of course we know that you threw a bucket of cold water on the rosy image she had of you but you still claimed to be a big believer in truth…so I gave you the truth."

Johanna held his gaze with a cool look of her own. "I didn't ask for your truth. I didn't want it and now I'll never be able to forget it. I mean why would you think I'd want to hear that? Do you think it make me feel good?"

"No; believe me, I knew I wasn't scoring any points but I thought it would open a dialogue and we could work on it."

"Because hurting someone is the proper way to open a dialogue on a topic?" she asked.

He blew out a breath. "I wasn't trying to hurt you; I just thought we could work on the issue."

"Why don't you go work on yourself?" Johanna retorted. "If I act a certain way around you, it's because of how you've acted toward me. All you do is judge me and blame me. Do you ever take the blame for anything in your life? Because I have to tell you, from what I've heard and been told, everything in your life is someone else's fault."

"And you're always the victim in your world," he shot back. "You'll never stop playing that card because it gives you an excuse to keep your distance. You can claim hurt feelings due to reactions about your return and the rocky year that followed it and it gives you a reason to stay behind your little wall and play your role of part victim, part tough girl who doesn't care…even though she really does."

Johanna smirked at him. "You don't know me; you think you do but you don't."

"Oh I think maybe I do…you like to be defensive…and you like an excuse to keep certain things at bay. You're a runner, Johanna; just like Kate always was," Castle declared.

"Alright, Rick," Johanna said, her tone even and clipped; "You want to talk about truth and visiting habits; I've got some truth for you. I don't like coming to your home either; in fact I dread it when we're invited. I'm not comfortable there; I don't feel welcome. I don't feel welcome because I know you have a habit of looking down your nose at me, judging me, and taking the slightest thing I might say or do that wrong way; which is why I tend to keep my mouth shut while in your home. I also don't like to visit because your mother and I aren't on the best of terms and it makes it awkward, and again, unwelcoming because it's her home and she probably doesn't like my presence there. I don't like to visit because your behavior about me befriending Alexis has made the girl so uncomfortable around me that she barely says hello to me and I feel like I somehow committed some crime by trying to be nice to her…not to mention the fact that when all that went down, Martha made the comment that I was trying to be Alexis's grandmother in retaliation for my feeling that she had usurped my role as Kate's mother; and let me just tell you right now, that couldn't be further from the truth. I wasn't trying to be her grandmother; I know I never can be. I just offered to listen, I offered her a few home cooked meals and a guest room when she didn't want to be alone. I drove her to school because I was going to work and it just so happens I work at her school. You and Katie talk about me not combining well into the new family order…well I was creating a link to your family and you broke it the day you confronted me about befriending your daughter and accused me of trying to parent her and of encouraging her to keep things from you. You said a lot of hurtful things that day…you've done a lot of hurtful things. I know I'm no saint, I know I've been harsh in return at times; not because I want to, but because you push me until I feel like I can't control it. I also don't like coming to your home because when I'm polite and offer to clean up, I have to hear the barrage of 'you don't have to be Suzy homemaker' jokes and barbed remarks, acting like it's a sin to hand wash dishes and clean up after a meal that was served to me. My mother raised me to clean up after myself; she raised me with the belief that when someone invites you into their home and gives you a meal, you thank them by cleaning up so they don't have to. I'm sorry that teaching has been a part of my whole life and I don't appreciate being made fun of for it; even my own mother-in-law stopped doing that after a certain point. So there's my truth, Rick; now we both know why we don't like to visit each other's homes. Does it make you feel better? Because I have to tell you; it doesn't make me feel better at all."

"No; it doesn't make me feel better," he admitted; "But I think it's better that it's out in the open."

"Really? Because I feel terrible," Johanna remarked. "I don't like any of it; I don't like what you told me, and I don't like that I had to tell you my truth…some things are better left unsaid."

"Maybe not in this case."

She shook her head at him. "How can you say that? You say you want things to be better and all you're doing is picking at things that don't need picked and making them worse. You're always so eager to tell me what you think of me…it reminds me of my father; I still remember it like it was yesterday, the day he looked me in my face and told me that he couldn't stand me…among other things. So you see, some things are better left unsaid," she remarked.

"I know that some things are hurtful to hear," Castle stated slowly; "But it gives a starting point for what we need to change. For example; you mentioned the jokes about how you always want to clean up after a meal instead of leaving it for us or the cleaning lady; you take them as an insult to your upbringing, that we're making fun of you. That was never our intention but I can see how you'd feel the way you do about it. You're right; you're only being a polite guest when you offer to wash dishes and clear the table; you shouldn't feel like you're being ridiculed for it. It's also not very polite for us to pick on you for preferring to hand wash dishes instead of using the dish washer. I'm sure a lot of women feel the same way and you shouldn't be made to feel like it's wrong. We have been making jokes about that for a long time and I'm sorry that we've hurt your feelings and I assure you that it won't happen again."

Johanna said nothing as she pushed her salad around her plate; what could she say? Nothing she did was right and she was sure that there was some part of him that was probably thinking she was too sensitive about the jokes she had mentioned…she supposed that it was ridiculous but it did hurt her feelings; and the only one in the room who ever seemed to pick up on that was Jim. He'd try to subtly remind her not to offer but he didn't always think about it until it was too late and she had already offered to clean up and was in the midst of jokes about being Suzy Homemaker. She knew they most likely didn't mean to offend her but she couldn't help how it made her feel.

Castle suppressed an exasperated sigh as he watched his mother-in-law; her gaze upon her plate as she pushed her food around. Her silence aggravated him. It wasn't his nature to allow something broken to go unfixed…and maybe he didn't have the patience that she required. He couldn't imagine that anyone had enough patience for her; that she'd drive even the most patient and saintly men crazy with her quick temper, rules that applied to everyone but her and occasionally sharp tongue. But then he thought of his father-in-law…Jim seemed to have the patience, the understanding, the careful balance needed to maintain a stable relationship with her.

But Jim was her husband and he loved her unconditionally and turned a blind eye to her flaws. He, on the other hand, was just her son-in-law…and for some reason he could always see her flaws; always saw the worst in her words or her actions. He couldn't say that he loved her…and due to the multitude of misunderstandings between them, he wasn't even sure he could say that he was all that fond of her at times. He didn't dislike her…he just felt like she made it hard to love her; hard to make her a full fledged member of their recently joined family. He knew that he wasn't exactly her cup of tea either…and it hadn't always been that way. She had liked him well enough in the beginning…but somehow things had become discombobulated…and it made Castle wonder if it wasn't a lost cause after all. Maybe she was too set in her ways…and maybe he was too set in his.

The silence hung heavy between them for several minutes and it only added to Castle's frustration as Johanna remained quiet and apparently locked inside her own world.

"Look," he said, his tone quiet and firm. "Past history with you has taught me that my apologies don't carry much weight with you…"

She gave a soft shake of her head. "I accept your apology, Rick. I'm sorry I brought it up; it was stupid."

"Why do you always do that?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"Why is it that when someone else is trying to apologize to you that you always turn it into your moment of apology? You never give anyone a chance to be sorry, to ask for forgiveness…because it's like you have to be the martyr and take all the blame. It's like it's some mission for you; to be the one who always does all of the apologizing."

Her gaze flicked to his face. "So now I'm not supposed to apologize for things I feel I do wrong?" she asked. "That gets added to my list of sins?"

"It's not a sin," he said tersely. "Its just very annoying how you can't ever just accept an apology without extending one of your own so you can try to the better person no matter the situation is."

"That wasn't my intent," Johanna replied. "I felt badly for bringing up a relatively minor issue and I apologized for it. I didn't realize it was such a terrible thing…I'd say I was sorry but I don't want you to accuse me of double dipping in martyrdom."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead. "You're just determined for things to stay the way they are, aren't you?"

"I don't know how to answer that," she said honestly. "I don't like things the way they are but it seems like no matter what I do, you take issue with it so I feel like I'm stuck."

"Well you could be unstuck if you'd just cooperate," he retorted. "You take offense to every little thing and it halts any progress I'm trying to make here."

"You also take offense to everything," Johanna remarked. "I'm not alone in the guilt."

"I'm aware of that!" he said sharply; "And if you'd ever accept an explanation and a damn apology, maybe things wouldn't be as bad as they are. I don't know what you want."

"I don't know what you want either; I mean you want me to come here and meet you once a week and I've been showing up…I've been letting you pick at scabs; and it's still not enough."

"I want you to cooperate on working out these issues; I've told you that time and time again."

"Why is it suddenly so dire?"

"Because we're not going to be happy family like we should be if we don't and that might be fine with you but it bothers me. You might be used to dysfunction but I like my family to be around."

"I think some measure of dysfunction is unavoidable," Johanna replied; "But we can get along; I told you before…I know how to play the game. As long as I can have a full, rich relationship with any future grandchildren, I'll be happy."

"I hope to God that your future grandchildren don't act like their grandmother because I'm not sure I'll survive."

Her eyes flashed with temper. "Don't talk about your mother like that, Rick," she retorted.

He smirked. "I think we both know that I was talking about you; the thought of my kids having your attitude makes me wish I hadn't promised that they'd never be kept at a distance because I'm not sure I want them to have too much of your influence."

Johanna felt like one of her worst fears had just been confirmed; that despite all the pretty words and promises, she wouldn't be allowed to have the involvement in her future grandchildren's lives that she had always hoped for. It was an unbearable hurt and she was unable to keep her emotions in check. A tear broke free and spilled down her cheek, her fingers trembling as she laid down her fork covered her face.

"Johanna, I didn't mean it," Castle stated; remorse filling him as he heard the soft sniffle she was muffling with her hands. "I'd never keep your grandchildren from you; you can't really think I would, do you? I promised you that the first time we had lunch together…you just exasperate me and I say things I don't mean."

"Go ahead and keep them from me," she said as she dropped her hands, tears still spilling down her cheeks. "I don't care…who's to say I'll ever even have grandchildren anyway. Katie's not getting any younger and I haven't heard her say anything about wanting to start a family anytime soon."

"Just because she hasn't said it to you doesn't mean she hasn't talked about it with anyone else. I'm certain you'll be a grandmother at some point in time."

"What; in name only?" she asked. "You already know I worry about being kept from my grandchildren and you make remarks like you just did and I'm supposed to believe that you're going to be happy to have me as a part of their lives? Do you know why I worry about it so much?"

"No; but I would like to know why," Castle replied.

"Because of that whole thing with Alexis…I figure if you don't want me around the kid you already have, why would you want me around any children you have with my daughter?"

He shook his head. "Johanna, I know I already apologized about the thing with Alexis and I know we need to discuss that more; but I swear to you that I was sincere when I made the promise that you'll always be welcome to be a hands on grandmother to your grandchildren…and if you want to claim Alexis as your granddaughter, please do so."

"Oh yeah, right; I just bet that would be acceptable," Johanna said with a scoff.

"Well, technically, you are her grandmother by marriage."

She shook her head. "No, I'm not and I don't want to be. What's the point; I'm not supposed to share in her life so why bother holding a title like that? Besides; I wouldn't do that to Martha. She's her grandmother."

"There's always room for more," he replied.

"Apparently not in your world when it comes to Alexis but it doesn't matter. It's over and done with and you got your way; she doesn't talk to me anymore."

"I regret that," Castle told her; "And I'll encourage her to remember that you're someone she trusted and enjoyed spending time with…and that she shouldn't allow my moment of jealousy to stand in her way of having a relationship with a member of our family."

"No; leave it as it is," she stated. "I don't want pity or sympathy or for her to think that you're now coercing her into picking up that relationship. One day when she's out from under your thumb completely she'll decide what she wants to do without worrying about your opinion of her friends and boyfriends and any other life choice."

"That feels like a slippery slope of conversation that we don't need to get into today," Castle replied. "My original intention when we started the conversation today was to get through the reasons why we don't like visiting each other and it's gotten very out of control."

"Fine, Rick," she said with a sigh as she wiped her cheeks. "Tell me what to change that will make it easier for you to come sit at my table a few times a year? What exactly do you want me to do?"

He frowned; he wasn't exactly sure how to answer that question. She didn't really do anything wrong…it was the way she acted that he didn't care for. "I…well…I just want you to act more like you did when we first met than you do now."

"Meaning what?" Johanna asked.

"Meaning that when you were living with Kate, you were…more relaxed around me and you were more at ease having a conversation with me…and I know, I have some blame in the change of your demeanor toward me but I just wish we could go back to the way it was."

"Alright," she replied; "I'll relax…and if we stay on topics that don't open the door for hurt feelings, then I'm sure I'll be able to carry on a conversation with ease. I didn't realize that we don't converse normally; I believe I do ask you about your work and I thought those conversations always went well."

"They do," Castle conceded; "But we should be able to discuss more than just work, shouldn't we?"

"Well you're a book snob so we can't discuss the works of other authors I like," Johanna remarked.

He met her eye. "Johanna; I swear to you that I'm going to go buy a Julia Quinn book and read it…and then we're going to discuss it…and after that, I will steal one of Kate's Janet Evanovich novels that she thinks I don't know she has stashed on the shelf and I will read one of those too."

"If Katie's hiding those books it's because you showed her what a book snob you are."

"I'm going to quit being a book snob."

"I've heard that before."

"I mean it this time."

"Uh huh."

"I promise."

"We'll see. I also like television and movies but I doubt that we have the same taste in those areas."

"I like science fiction, in movies and television."

Johanna smiled. "I despise it."

"How can you despise it?" he asked in horror. "Kate likes it!"

"Katie shares that with her father; I can't stand it. I've set through Star Wars and numerous other movies of that genre but only because I love my husband. I drew the line at watching Star Trek though; I always left the room when that nonsense was on; God I hate that show, and by that I mean every variation. I'd go do my paper work or call my mother when Jim was watching that show."

"Nonsense?" he repeated; "You call Star Trek nonsense? This comes from a woman who watches soap operas…which are rife with nonsense?"

"My soaps aren't nonsense."

"I've seen Temptation Lane…I've seen All My Children and One Life to Live; there was nonsense."

"At least they made it to air and weren't sent straight to dvd…like the movie of some writer's book was…what writer was that?" she asked; pretending to think about the question seriously.

"Low blow, Johanna; low blow."

"I rented that movie…it could've benefited from Susan Lucci's skills; in fact it would've done much better with any daytime actress I can think of."

"We are not discussing that movie."

"Okay; we'll cross that off the discussion list," Johanna remarked. "I like Dancing with the Stars."

"Okay," he said with a nod; "We watch that; we can discuss that."

"Jim and I watch the Amazing Race too."

"I've never watched that," Castle remarked.

"That's surprising; I figured you'd like that."

"Why?"

"Because racing around the world completing challenges seems like something you'd do…except you don't need the prize money."

"But now I'm intrigued," he admitted.

"I'm sure you can find some episodes online."

"I'm definitely going to do that," he stated; "But surely we'll be able to discuss more than just books and television."

"Well, there's always the weather," Johanna remarked; her gaze flicking toward the window. "Fall has arrived."

"A weather discussion is only held when parties don't know what to say to one another."

"I'd say that's us," Johanna said as she picked up her cup to take a sip of her tea.

"It shouldn't be like that."

"Yeah…well…"

Castle took a moment to take a drink of his coffee, doing his best to keep his frustration at bay. He couldn't say she wasn't trying; she had quickly brought her emotions under control and asked what she could do when it came to him being in her home. He didn't feel like there was anything insincere in the way she had asked…and maybe it would help if he posed the same question. He had apologized for the jokes; but maybe there was something else that would make her more comfortable in their home.

"Is there anything we can do to make your visits to our home more appealing?" he asked.

Johanna considered the question carefully; knowing there was no real answer to give. He couldn't change who he was anymore than she could change who she was. He couldn't change his mother or his daughter…well, he seemed to exert some control where Alexis was concerned but that was beside the point. She wouldn't be comfortable unless she felt like she wasn't an outsider and she didn't see how that could be changed. It was her personality that was the issue for everyone involved…she didn't mesh well with theirs. She wasn't one of them. She was a little too serious…a little too subdued and practical. She was more of a quiet observer…she felt things entirely too deeply to ignore them completely but she figured she was going to have to learn to try; because it felt like the brunt of the work of changing would be on her shoulders. She would always be the one expected to change.

"Johanna; what can we do?" Castle inquired once more.

Words formed on her tongue but she wouldn't allow herself to unleash them. She couldn't allow herself to say "Quit looking at me and seeing only the mistakes you feel I made. Quit looking at me and seeing every flaw; stop judging. Stop measuring me up against other people in the room. Just accept me for who I am." She couldn't say those words; it wouldn't be right.

"Whatever it is, I promise not to get mad," her son-in-law said; as if he sensed that she feared angering him again.

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it? What can we do for you?"

"I don't know…I guess there's nothing to be done…it's just me. I'm the one who has to change I guess; and I'll do my best."

Castle frowned; that hadn't been the type of response he was looking for. "There has to be something," he prodded. "I get that I've made you wary now because you think I'm holding future grandchildren over your head but you've got to give me something to work with."

Johanna shrugged; struggling to find a balance. "I don't know, Rick…I guess if your mother would quit implying that my job is boring that would lessen my attitude problem as you term it. I like my job and I don't find it boring, nor did I find being a lawyer boring. It does require a level of seriousness but I don't view that as a bad thing and I wish she wouldn't as well."

"Okay;" he smiled; "I can take care of that problem."

"Which will probably create another problem," she replied; the realization setting in that if he went home and had a chat with his mother about the comments she had referred to, she'd probably get some phone call or message from Martha once again branding her as ridiculous.

"How do you figure?

"I think Martha would probably be offended if you spoke to her about that so I'll just overlook it.

He sighed. "Two steps forward, one step back."

"That's the way of life it seems."

"Well, we're going to have to change the dance," Castle stated; "Because we're going to make this work. No more jokes about being Suzy Homemaker and Mother is going to stop with her insinuations that you have a boring career; which just for the record, I don't find boring at all…in fact I was going to ask if I could set in on one of your classes."

Johanna's brow rose. "Why? We're not spending enough quality time together?"

"No; it's for research actually," he replied; choosing his answers carefully. "I'm going to be writing several scenes that involve the courtroom side of preparing a case and since you teach that; I thought maybe I could set in and take some notes, learn a few things."

Johanna eyed him warily. "I could just lend you a textbook or a law book…or you could Google."

"Yeah; but here's the thing, when I Google; I usually end up on Youtube or looking at totally unrelated things to my topic…because as your daughter says, I sometimes have the attention span of a squirrel. I'm more likely to pay attention in the setting of your classroom."

"Is that what these lunches have been about?" she asked; wondering if she had just collected a piece of the puzzle.

"No; I actually just thought of that idea last night while I was doing some work. So how about it? Can I come and observe one of your classes?"

"I don't know," Johanna said hesitantly.

A thought occurred to him and he reached into his pocket and extracted the two gift cards. "Perhaps your friends Macy's and Bloomingdales can help persuade you," he said as he slid the cards toward you. "They're your payment for your quote…but if you were inclined to let me set in, there could be another gift card in your future."

"That sounds like you're trying to buy me off."

"But you're the one who charged me."

"I charged for the words," Johanna replied. "I don't think it would seem right if I charged you to sit in my classroom."

"Does that mean you're going to let me?" he asked hopefully.

She breathed deeply. "I don't know, Rick…can I think about it?"

"Well…I was hoping to come this week," he remarked.

"Not tomorrow," Johanna remarked. "They're taking a quiz the first half of class."

"Friday then?"

She didn't like the idea but she knew she had to make the decision carefully; weighing how each answer would affect everyone. "I'll let you know on Thursday."

"Okay; I can live with that," Castle stated; hoping that if he could not only do his research, but manage to show an interest in her life and career, that she'd relax a little. He couldn't help but feel that their third lunch had been a bit of a mess and a failure. He couldn't cross anything off his list today…and he was going to have an unhappy wife coming for him at the end of the day. Yeah; today hadn't been a success…at all.

* * *

Feeling as though he was still on shaky ground, Castle allowed the more serious discussions to fade into the background as they finished off their meal. Johanna seemed to be more comfortable when it came to discussing work and so he guided them back to those waters, prodding her for stories of her students and her manner of teaching. He asked about her colleagues and gathered that while she had no issue with them and seemed to get along with them, she didn't seem to claim any of them as friends. Her secretary was mentioned with the bland comments that the woman was nice and did her job well…but there wasn't any sentiment to indicate that she had a friendship with the woman.

He couldn't help but wonder if keeping her distance was a habit leftover from Wyoming…or if it was because she was too afraid to get close to anyone that she didn't already have a history with. Talk of her students, however, seemed to bring a small light to her eyes. She called them 'my kids' and he had a feeling that for a semester's length of time, all of her students were indeed hers; he could see her being professional while also being maternal towards them. She had a connection to 'her kids' that was easy to see.

It was also easy to see that she missed practicing law.

Oh he knew she loved teaching the classes; loved her students and the busyness that being a teacher gave her. But when she spoke of how she liked to go about teaching, he couldn't miss the spark in her eyes that spoke of how she missed working real cases instead of mock cases with her students. As she finished her cup of tea, he decided, without much thought, to be brave and broach the question.

"Do you miss being a lawyer, Johanna?"

The question seemed to catch her by surprise, her lashes fluttering as she hurried to blink away whatever answer might lie in her gaze. He heard her foot tap against the tile floor, her fingers clutching the linen napkin.

"Technically; I am a lawyer," she finally answered; her tone betraying nothing.

"Because you renewed your license?"

Johanna nodded. "Yes; because I'm licensed, which by state law I have to keep my license current whether I practice or not…and because I have the law degree to prove it and the papers stating that I passed the Bar."

"So you're a lawyer in name only," Castle stated; "But do you miss being an actual lawyer?"

"I do some law work," she remarked. "I help Jim with the things he works on."

"But the question is do you miss being a lawyer in the actual sense. Do you miss going into the courtroom and presenting a case?"

She had no qualms about confessing to her husband that she sometimes missed her chosen profession but for some reason she found herself hesitant to say the words to her son-in-law.

"Your silence makes me think the answer is yes," Castle stated.

Johanna shrugged a shoulder. "Missing it once in awhile doesn't mean anything."

"If it didn't mean anything, you wouldn't be afraid to admit it."

"Just because I didn't say it to you doesn't mean that I haven't said it to other people."

"Why can't you say it to me?"

"Because…I don't want you and Katie to think I'm going back to practicing law because I'm not. I know how Katie feels about that…and Jim too. I don't want them to be worried that I'd go to the store one day and come back and say I rented office space to start my career again. I'm retired…I just happened to retire from it long before I planned on it but it's over and done with. I've been teaching law classes for a very long time; even when Katie was little. I'm content with teaching."

Castle gave a nod; accepting the answer that he had a feeling she kept rehearsed for moments like this. She might be content with teaching but he was sure it nagged at her that her career as an attorney had been ended before she was ready to step aside. Maybe it was best that she didn't dwell on it.

"Thanks for lunch," Johanna said as she picked up her coat and rose from her seat to slip into it.

"You know the rule; you wait for me to walk you to your car," Castle remarked.

"I don't see why."

"Because my mother raised me to be a gentleman."

Johanna opened her purse, double checking that she had her phone and found her sunglasses and keys while he paid the bill. She slipped her sunglasses on and quietly followed him to the door of the café.

"The sunglasses always make me feel like you're masking your identity so people won't know you've been seen with your son-in-law," Castle quipped as they stepped outside.

"I'm not giving up my sunglasses, Rick. You and Katie are just going to have to get over that one."

"I noticed that you avoided the part about masking your identity so people won't know you were seen with me."

"I ignored it because it's ridiculous," Johanna replied. "It's not like I can deny knowing you."

"It's not so bad knowing me, is it?"

"Of course not; you don't trouble me nearly as much as I apparently trouble you."

Castle pondered that for a moment. "That feels like a trap so I'm going to let that one go."

"If only you could apply that wisdom to other areas," she remarked as she fumbled with the keys, her finger pressing the button on the remote to unlock Jim's car.

"Jim sure does have nice taste in cars," Castle remarked as they approached the shiny blue Dodge Charger that Jim had gotten barely a year before.

"He does love his cars," Johanna replied. "He finished painting the Camaro a few weeks ago."

"I wouldn't mind seeing it."

"Well call him up and tell him you want to see it; I'm sure he'll be happy to have show and tell with you," she quipped.

"I might do that this weekend; which car should I bring?"

"Whichever one you want," Johanna said as she opened the car door and put her purse inside. "There's only one bad thing about those times when Jim and I trade cars for the day."

"What's that?" Castle asked.

"Well, he'll have the seat pushed back in my car because he's taller than me…and then it takes me at least five minutes to get it back the way I like it. On the other side is also the fact that I have to move the seat up in his car so I can reach the pedals. He usually adjusts it for me but he was in a hurry today and I still don't have it right so I'm driving slowly."

"Let me guess, you sit in the seat while he adjusts it for you?"

"Yes; he's a very good husband," she replied. "But like I said, he was in a hurry; they had a meeting to get back to and of course I had to be here."

Castle nodded. "Get in; I'm sure I can fix it for you."

He was somewhat shocked when she got in without argument or giving him the standard 'oh that's alright, I'll be fine' line. He figured he better act fast before she changed her mind. He moved the seat slightly, pausing to give her a moment to test the feel of it.

"Just a little more, then it'll be just right," Johanna stated.

Castle moved the seat the slightest hint more and she nodded. "That's good; thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied; "How about we met for lunch Thursday so we can discuss your decision about me sitting in on one of your classes?"

Johanna pushed her sunglasses up so that she could peer at him. "Why? I was just going to call you!"

"Well I figured since today's lunch didn't go too well that we may as make up for it," he replied.

"I thought this was a Tuesday only thing!?"

"It is for the most part but there's no reason we can't go Thursday too this week."

Johanna sighed. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Not so much that I can't make time for lunch," he replied. "It's slow at the precinct since Kate's in court a lot this week."

"So that means you want to torment me?"

Castle smiled. "That's what being a son-in-law is all about."

"If I had known that, I would've objected at the wedding."

He laughed. "No, you wouldn't; you enjoy it."

She eyed him. "Who told you that?"

"Some things are just known."

"Uh huh."

"So, see you Thursday? I won't make it a habit of asking for two lunches, I know you're busy too…but you already took care of your office hours and I'm having that slow week…and you want Kate to be happy, don't you?"

Johanna sighed loudly. "You're blackmailing me with my daughter's happiness?"

"If that's what it takes," Castle replied with a nod.

Another sigh crossed her lips. "Fine, Rick; just this once I'll come back on Thursday…for Katie. I do all of this for Katie."

"I know," he told her; "And she's glad we're making the effort…except for when you tattle about certain things and she gets mad…and now I guess I'm going to be punished by spending the evening alone since she apparently plans to have dinner with you."

Johanna smiled and dropped her sunglasses back into place. "That will teach you, won't it?"

"It might," he confessed.

"Good; see you later."

"See you Thursday," Castle said with a smile; taking a small amount of glee in the smirk she gave him as he closed her door.

Johanna gave him a wave as she drove away and he had a feeling that she was probably cursing him under her breath but he had to get things turned around; Kate's deadline for giving her mother a certain piece of news would be creeping up on him sooner than he'd like.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 6

Later that afternoon, Johanna walked through the cemetery carrying a small bouquet of flowers. She paused at a stone, stooping down and brushing the leaves away that the wind had blown up against it. She sighed a little, noticing that the vase attached to the headstone was empty and she shook her head a little as she straightened and pulled a bottle of water from her purse that she poured into the vase before depositing the bouquet of white roses tipped in orange.

When she finished arranging the flowers, Johanna settled back down in front of the stone, her fingers reaching out and grazing the letters of the name that was spelled out upon the stone.

 _Elizabeth Ann Beckett_

 _April 25, 1920- September 6, 1998_

 _Beloved Wife, Mother, and Grandmother_

"Hello, Liz," Johanna said quietly. "I brought you some roses; I saw them and thought of you. I know how much you loved your roses and I thought you'd like these ones with their splash of orange at the tips of the petals. They scream fall with that dash of color…and they just seemed like they should be yours. I'm glad I came; it doesn't look like anyone has been around lately to tend to you. I'm sorry; I would've come sooner if I had known. You know I try to make sure you're taken care of for the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries…I hope that isn't putting your children off; but how would they know if a flower is from me? Besides, they're always from Jim too…except for today. Today they're just from me."

The wind blew, ruffling Johanna's hair and she paused to brush it back from her face. "Don't be so surprised, Liz; I've brought you flowers plenty of times and you know it. But I guess you are probably wondering why I'm here today…and honestly; it's because I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I miss you. I know, you just fell off a cloud," Johanna said with a soft laugh; "But you're just being dramatic. You know I miss you. I'm sure you're also aware of the fact that I am now a mother-in-law…and I have to tell you, I'm not crazy about the job."

She shifted a little, making herself more comfortable; grateful for the warmth of the sun as it beat down on her. "I guess you could say I've been given my mother-in-law report card and I'm not scoring too well," she laughed. "I had to stop by to tell you that; I knew you'd get a kick out of it."

Johanna could imagine Elizabeth's laughter over the declaration of her poor score as a mother-in-law, and as a warmer breeze brushed her cheek, she could've swore that she did indeed hear Elizabeth's melodic laugh. She smiled a little. "The more time I spend with my son-in-law; the more I realize that you and I weren't as bad as we thought we were. I know that's probably devastating for you to hear but it's the truth. Despite everything, we somehow made it work. You purposely fed me pecans; I still married into your family. You wore black to my wedding…I sent you a postcard from my honeymoon. You called me a troublemaking, gold digging slut and I called you an old bag…we were still able to sit down and have a meal together without a feeling of awkwardness."

She was silent for a moment before carrying on. "We had our moments," Johanna admitted. "Times when we really had a go at each other…but we had good times too. I think we gave a little more effort once Katie came a long…although we still had some moments when it suited us. Somehow we managed…even though you always gave an estimate for the expiration of my marriage…and I would always gloat when I passed the estimate. Let's also not forget that I wasn't allowed to call you by your first name for the first year and a half of my marriage…and yet I'm the one with a failing grade. Can you believe it? Knowing you, you're saying yes; but we both know the truth, I'm not as bad as they make me out to be."

Her fingers toyed with the blades of grass beneath her palm, a small ache in her heart that she couldn't seek counsel from her mother-in-law in the way she wished she could. She couldn't consult her own mother either…and it dawned on her that neither woman had prepared her for the day when she would be a mother-in-law in her own right. How did one go about the job properly? She tried to do it Naomi's way, with dinner invitations and trying to stay informed about her son-in-law's successes and work…but her invitations were declined a lot, they were too busy to spare her one Sunday a month; and apparently even if they could, Rick didn't like to come and it was up to Katie to lie to her about it. Fighting back against unfair judgments like she had with Elizabeth didn't work either. So what was it that she was supposed to do?

She sighed. "I wish you could help me out, Liz. It seems odd to have a failing grade; after all, I've always allowed him to call me by my first name; I didn't give their marriage an estimate, I didn't wear black to the wedding…although they annoyed me enough that I was briefly tempted. I only invite them to dinner once a month. I don't meddle and I try to keep my opinions to myself. You'd think my son-in-law would be happy…but he isn't. I feel like that leaf that's currently scrapping against the pavement as the wind blows it…it's being pushed down roads that maybe it doesn't want to go down. I wish you were here…I'd take you to one of those 'be a better mother-in-law' lunches with me so he could see the mother of all mother-in-laws…because I know you'd chew him up and spit him out and still have energy to fight with me on the way home," she said with a laugh.

Johanna breathed deeply once more and expelled the breath. "I don't know what Rick and Katie are up to but it's something…because a few weeks ago, there was no indication that anyone needed anything to change. Now all of a sudden I have to dedicate my Tuesdays to becoming a better mother-in-law…and this week I have to go Thursday too. I feel like I've lost control of something somewhere along the way. I can almost hear you scoffing, Lizzie; like you're saying "well of course you have!" You're probably right…and yes, saying those words does always leave a bad taste in my mouth."

Her gaze caught sight of a small sparrow nearby, hopping around in search of a meal, she figured, but then it puffed up it's feathers and looked in her direction and she couldn't help but laugh. "Is that you, Liz? Because that bird sure did have your expression," she giggled.

The wind whipped around her furiously, her soft laughter being caught up in it as her hair blew across her face. "Oh come now, sparrows are cute," she said as she raked her hair back into place. She grew quiet for a long moment, her gaze upon the letters that spelled out her mother-in-law's name. "We had plenty of bad moments…but you know what stands out for me more than those bad moments? That day you came over when Katie was about six weeks old and I was in the midst of my new mommy breakdown. You took care of both of us that day…you put my husband in his place too. There was that time when Katie was four and we were both sick and you took care of us while Jim was at work. I also remember the day my father died; I sent Jim to get Katie while I stayed with my mother…despite me preparing her for what was coming, he still struggled with how to deal with telling her that her grandfather was gone. You did it though; you explained and consoled…and you offered your help with cleaning up after the reception. When my mother passed…you were there in the hallway waiting for me to come out of that hospital room. You went home with Katie and I…you helped console her…made her choke down a sandwich and didn't bat an eye when she hung onto you every time you turned around. You held me while I cried; fielded phone calls, had my secretary reorganizing my schedule. You stayed until Jim got home late that night. You don't know how much that meant to me…and maybe I didn't say it enough, because it was our way, but I did love you, Elizabeth. You didn't always make it easy…sometimes I wanted to throttle you when you were in rare form…but I learned to love you…I still love you. I needed to tell you that today…that despite it all, I loved you for who you were, flaws and all. I just needed to remind you of that today; needed to chat with you a little before I head home. Jim loves you too. I'll be back to bring you more flowers soon, Liz. Thanks for listening."

Johanna rose from the ground, a warm breeze wrapping around her as the sparrow squawked at her. She smiled. "I know; I got mushy, sue me. You know you loved me too in your own way so just shut up and accept it."

The sparrow puffed up its feathers once more, making her laugh. "It's been a rough day for both of us, Lizzie; but it's alright, we managed as always," she said as she turned and began to walk back to the car. Nothing was solved, not that she imagined it would be…but she had to admit, that having a chat with her mother-in-law had made her feel a little better.

* * *

Richard Castle always anticipated his wife's arrival home on those rare days when he didn't join her at precinct. Today, however, as he heard the scrape of her key in the lock, he dreaded her arrival; knowing full well that she wasn't happy with him…that Johanna had played dirty and tattled from the lunch table. If the woman only knew that her already temperamental daughter was now even more easily riled than usual…but of course, knowing Johanna, it would've made tattling all the sweeter. He didn't get time to ponder that further as the door swung open and he heard the click of Kate's heels against the floor.

He rose from the sofa and made his way to the kitchen as he heard the door of the refrigerator opening. He stepped into view just as she shut the door and uncapped the bottle of water; her gaze narrowing as she studied him. Castle gave her a small smile and quickly pointed to the vase of roses on the table. "Hey…I got you some flowers."

"I see," she said with a nod. "They're nice."

That was a lukewarm response, he thought to himself; and the eyes were still narrowed. "I brought you some chocolate too."

Kate grimaced. "Castle; you know I can't handle the scent of chocolate right now."

He mentally slapped himself. "Oh, yeah; I had forgotten about your reaction to that candy bar I ate the other day, sorry. I'll put the candy away somewhere…if it's any consolation, I also bought ice cream…three different flavors."

"Uh huh; tell me, what did you buy my mother to suck up to her? Surely she's deserving of a suck up gift as well," Kate remarked.

"Nothing yet; I'm debating between which store to buy her some more gift cards from. What do you think? Another one for Macy's or maybe she'd like one for Lord and Taylor? Oh, wait; she's got a Coach handbag, she'd probably like a card for there, hold on before you yell at me and let make a note of that," he remarked as he pulled his phone from his pocket to set up a reminder. "Okay, go ahead; no, wait; did she call you back after lunch?"

Kate's brow rose, suspicion flickering in her eyes. "No, why? Should she have called me back?"

"Well…I wouldn't have been surprised. It did briefly get worse but I think I turned it back around, she did stay the whole time."

"How did it get worse?" his wife demanded to know as she sat down her water bottle and gripped the counter.

Castle hesitated. "Do you want to yell at me about the other thing first? That way we can go in chronological order."

Kate smirked. "Fine; we can do it your way. What the hell were you thinking when you sat there and told her that sometimes we lie about having other plans to avoid having dinner with her? I mean what part of your brain thought that was okay? Did you have some kind of major malfunction?"

"No; no malfunction that I know of," he replied. "I was just trying to be honest with her…because I thought she'd appreciate that."

"You thought that my mother would appreciate knowing that we lie? Knowing how much she hates it when she finds out that I've lied to her about something; you really thought she'd appreciate it?"

"Well, I figure she doesn't have much right to throw stones in the lying category; she does seem to do her share of it. She's told bigger lies than we have."

"Don't even go there, Castle," Kate said sharply. "This is about you; not what she's done in the past."

"She's been lying to you about going to therapy."

"Yeah; and one day we'll sort that out but for now I'm willing to keep playing along even though I don't like that she's been lying about it. But again, this isn't about that; this is about what you did today. Not only do you tell her that we lie sometimes, you basically tell her that we lie because you don't like her…and you expect her to appreciate that?"

"I didn't say that I don't like her; I said I don't like the way she acts."

"So basically you told her that you don't like her," Kate exclaimed.

"No; I don't like her attitude and demeanor sometimes."

"Like you're a ray of sunshine all the time," she shot back.

Castle sighed. "You're kind of acting like her at the moment."

"You knew that was a possibility when you married me, Castle. You had met my mother; you know her genes are swimming in my veins."

"But you know how she is," he said with exasperation as he paced a few steps to break the force of his wife's angry stare.

"Yeah, and I know how you are when you're not getting your way," she retorted.

"Why are you taking her side?!"

"Because I think you were in the wrong this time, Castle; and maybe it's time for me to take her side for a change. I'm always on your side and she's always left to fend for herself. You had no right to say what you said. You could've found a better way. You're a writer; you know all about finding the right words. All you had to do was say "I know we're not very comfortable with each other in a family setting, what can we do to change that so that family dinners aren't so tense?" Did that ever occur to you at all? Because the way you did it was hurtful and I don't blame her for taking it as yet another way of you saying that you don't like her."

"I should've found better words," he admitted; "But I did apologize."

"You apologized and then it got worse?"

Castle grimaced. "Yeah."

"Start talking."

He blew out a breath and told her about the words that had been spoken after her phone call and how his annoyance had led him to use Johanna's fear of being kept from her future grandchildren against her; telling her that he wasn't sure he wanted his children to have much of her influence. He confessed that she had cried and that he had hurried to tell her that he didn't mean it.

Kate's eyes blazed with anger when he finished his tale. "Let me tell you something, Rick Castle," she said, her tone low and even, crackling with ire. "Don't you ever threaten or insinuate to my mother that her grandchildren will be kept from her; especially when she's already told you that she worries about it. I don't give a damn what you think of her, if you like her or not; you will never, ever, keep my mother from my children. You will never attempt it…it will never happen, do I make myself clear?"

"I told her that I didn't mean it. I only said it because she's exasperating!"

"So are you!" Kate yelled. "You admitted that you knew its something she worries about and you used it against her because you didn't like that she sent me a text about what you said to her. That was way over the line, Rick. That's one of the worst things you could say or do to her."

"I know it was wrong," he replied; trying to keep his own temper at bay despite knowing that his wife had a right to be angry about the treatment of her mother.

"You're damn right it was! I can't believe you!"

"I told her that I didn't mean it; that I'd never stand between her and her grandchildren."

Kate scoffed. "Yeah; I just bet that she bought that."

"She didn't say if she believed it or not."

She sighed deeply. "My mother might be exasperating at times and she's got her issues…but so do I…so do you; and I suggest that you remember that and step down off your high horse and get it together. You don't make those kind of threats, even if you don't mean them…and as long as I have breath in my body, I'll never let anyone come between her and our kids; and even if something should happen to me, I won't allow anyone to stand between her and my kids, because I will have a paper drawn up by a lawyer stating that my parents are to have weekly visitation with my children if anything should happen to me."

"Don't talk like that," Castle said sharply.

"I have a dangerous job, Castle; I have to plan accordingly for my child. We don't know what the future holds; I'm not saying anything is going to happen but we can't pretend like my job is suddenly going to get so much safer. If I get to move up the ranks at some point, it will; but until then, I have to think ahead. I love you with all my heart and I hope to God nothing ever happens to me, that I'd never be taken from my family like that…and I would hope that I'd never have to worry about you keeping our children from my parents; but with the way you feel about my mother at times, I feel like that is something I need to seriously consider; and if I feel better having a legal document saying that they have to be included, I want you to respect that and know that it's not something personal against you, that it doesn't take away my love for you and my faith that you'd raise them well…I just don't want my family wiped out of their lives and I don't want my parents to worry that their only link to me would be taken from them. Meredith and her family might've thrown Alexis away without a second thought; but I'm not Meredith…I'm going to make sure everyone is taken care of because that's what a mother does."

Castle swallowed hard; he didn't like to discuss such things even if they were necessary. "I would never keep your parents from our children if something was to happen to you…although nothing is going to happen. But I also understand why you might worry about that at the moment, so if that would make you feel better, then I'll have my lawyer write out that paper with you; because we're not going to need it anyway; because you're always going to come home…and I get why you worry about it. Your mother always came home, until one day she didn't and you worry about that happening to our child, but you don't have to worry. But like I said, if having a paper to guarantee that they have rights will make you feel better, please have it done; no hard feelings on my part," he said sincerely.

"It's not something I'm going to do this week; but it is something I'm going to consider."

"Alright," he said with a nod; "And we can have it drawn up that if something would happen to both of us; custody of our children would automatically go to your parents with the stipulation that my mother be involved in their lives and able to see them as much as she wanted. If for any reason any of the grandparents weren't a position to take our kids, then custody goes to Alexis with visitation for grandparents."

Kate nodded. "I'm agreeable to that."

"Okay," Castle replied; "Now let's not discuss that anymore because we're all going to be fine and live into old age to annoy our children like our parents annoy us."

She smiled slightly. "You're still not off the hook here, Castle."

"I was afraid of that; please continue."

"You know, we've blown nearly everything that my mother has wanted to be a part of," she stated; "Birthdays, holidays, wedding…random occasions; but we're not going to blow this one…we are not taking this one from her, Castle. She's going to have this moment; the one she's been waiting on…so you better make damn sure you convince her that she has nothing to worry about from you in the area of her grandchildren. When I tell her about this baby," she said, her hand straying to her stomach; "I want her to have nothing but joy. I want her to be happy; not worried that she'll be kept away. We are not taking this moment from her."

"I know," he said quietly. "I want her to be happy too."

"Then you better get it right. I need her, Rick. I need her with me for this; that's why it's so hard for me not to tell her right now and I'm not telling her yet for you, so you need to do this right…because I need her. You have been incredibly great and supportive so far, holding my hair back and not eating certain things near me and understanding that I seem to be having my share of mood swings already…but there's things that she'll be able to help me through in a different way; worries she can soothe because she's been through pregnancy and childbirth and I'm not taking anything away from you by saying that; its just that she knows how it feels and you don't…"

"I totally get what you're saying," Castle said, keeping his tone gentle as she seemed to be coming down from her anger. "I know you need her, I know there are some things she can handle that I can't and that's okay; because you're right, she knows what kind of nerves you may be feeling and she can talk you through them because she's been through it herself."

"That's right, she has; and I'll tell you another thing, no matter what you think of her; she's going to be the best damn grandmother you can ever imagine, I know that for a fact…because she was the best mother you can imagine, so I know she's going to be even better as a grandmother…and we're not going to stand in the way of that; we're not taking it from her…we're not taking it from our baby. For a lot of years I thought I'd have to go through having children without my mother; that they'd never know her, never hear her voice outside of some old home videos, never feel her arms around them…but we got our second chance, and I know a lot of hurt was had over the lie you reminded me earlier that she told. But that lie meant that I still have my mother…and my baby will have its grandmother. My baby will hear her voice, and feel her hugs and know her face and her love and everything that is incredible about her…and just maybe, this baby will take away that remaining piece of brokenness inside of her…because she's going to have so much joy and love for this baby that it's impossible for it not to spill over into that tiny corner and heal any of the hurt that's left inside of her."

Castle studied his wife for a moment, taking note of the flicker of protectiveness in her green eyes; and he realized that it was same glitter of protectiveness that often flashed in Johanna's green eyes whenever it came to Kate. They were protective of their own…fierce in their love…and he had a feeling that he hadn't been totally aware of the depth of Kate's fierce protective love until that stick had turned up two pink lines and her first instinct after celebrating the fact with him had been to reach for her phone to tell her mother…and how despite him asking her to wait, to give him time to make things better, she had suddenly been launched into a sphere where protecting their unborn baby and her mother took chief priority; ensuring that nothing would stand between grandmother and grandchild. Maybe he shouldn't have intervened; maybe Johanna would've been more open to efforts of reconciliation if she knew about her grandchild in advance but it was too late to change that now. He had to make this work; failure wasn't an option…because he hadn't considered that their baby might heal that last peace of brokenness that Johanna still carried…and if that part of her was healed; he had to imagine that it would make everything better than it was now. Yes, he had to do this right…he couldn't fail.

He moved toward Kate and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I'm going to do better," he murmured. "You don't have anything to worry about; you're going to have your mother and our baby is going to have its grandmother, no matter what. I wouldn't take that from Johanna and I sure as hell wouldn't take it from you and I swear to you, that I will never again say anything to your mother that insinuates in any way that she'll be kept from her grandchildren…she's babysitter number one on the speed dial…and I'm pretty sure when I said that I didn't want my kids to have her attitude that it probably jinxed us and that our child is currently in the process of becoming just like her just to drive me insane at some future point in time."

Kate laughed, her fingertips squeezing his shoulder as she breathed in his scent. "You know, you very well could've jinxed it…it might act just like her…or at least be born knowing how to give you her expressions."

"God help us all," he muttered; "But we'll love them both anyway."

"I already do," Kate replied.

"Me too," he stated; at least he knew he loved the baby…and he was going to work on finding the love for his child's grandmother. It wouldn't be hard to do once some things were squared away.

Kate reluctantly pulled herself from his embrace and stole a kiss. "I'm going to go pick up dinner and head over there and spend some time with her…you stay here and think about your misdeeds and how you're going to do better."

"You got it," he said with a smile; "And while you're with her, try to convince her to let me set in on her class Friday. She said she'd think about it but maybe you can sway her and she'll give me a yes at lunch Thursday."

"She's having lunch with you again Thursday?"

Castle nodded. "Yes; but I keep being reminded that it's for your sake and your sake alone like most things she does."

"You better be on your best behavior Thursday, Castle."

"I will be," he said before kissing her once more. "Be careful; let me know you got there safely."

"I will," she replied as she grabbed her purse from the counter. "I love you."

"I love you too…give my regards to your mother."

"I think she's had enough of your regards for one day, Rick."

"True…just reiterate my apologies."

"That I can do," she stated as she opened the door and slipped out, offering him a smile and a wave as she went.

Castle breathed a sigh of relief once she was gone…it hadn't gone as badly as he feared; but if he wasn't careful, next time he wouldn't be so lucky.

* * *

Kate shifted the bags of food she carried to one hand and shoved her key into the lock of her parents front door, figuring she'd let herself in this time since she was expected. Scarlett padded into the entry way and meowed at her as she shut the door behind her and dropped her purse and keys onto the stand.

"Hey fur ball," Kate said. "Where's our mother?"

"Don't call her that," Johanna said as she came down the stairs.

"She knows it's said with love," Kate replied as she looked at the cat who came closer, sitting down at her feet and looking longingly at the bags she carried. "Isn't that right, Scarlett?"

The cat meowed and her mother gave her a knowing look. "She's only playing along with you because she wants the food."

"I brought you something for your dinner too, fur ball," Kate said as she glanced at her mother's pet.

"You did?" Johanna asked.

"Yeah; let's go to the kitchen, I'm starving."

Her mother took one of the bags off her arm and they made their way to the kitchen in silence, Scarlett hurrying along with them. "What did you get?" Johanna asked as the bags were deposited on the table.

"Italian," her daughter answered. "I just needed Italian food in my life today. I got your favorite, fettuccini in butter sauce."

She smiled. "You do love me."

"You know I do," Kate said, pausing in her task of unpacking the bags to wrap her mother in a hug.

"What's this about?" her mother asked as she held her tightly.

"Nothing, I just love you and I haven't seen you in several days. Do I have to have a reason though?"

"No; I'm always happy to accept your hugs."

"Good," she replied before releasing her. "I also got those breadsticks we always liked and salads and I got chicken parmesan for me…and I brought you some too because I know you'll want some, if not now, then later on…I also got me some of the fettuccini if I'm being completely honest."

Johanna eyed her. "You don't usually go for the fettuccini like I do."

"I know, but today it sounded good. The manager is still fond of our family so I got him to give me this little container of chicken for Scarlett so it's a true Beckett women family dinner."

Her mother laughed softly. "It was nice of you to think of Scarlett."

"See, I'm not the one with an issue…it's her; she doesn't get that I was here first."

"There's enough of me for both of you."

"Tell that to your cat while you put her chicken in her dish."

"I have told her many times," Johanna said as she took the container and moved across the kitchen, Scarlett at her heels.

"I think it might bear repeating," Kate remarked as she continued to set out their meals.

"I'll have a word with her later; I don't want to ruin her meal with a lecture," Johanna replied as she put the chicken in Scarlett's dish. "Wasn't it nice of Katie to bring you dinner too, Scarlett?"

Her cat meowed before giving her attention to her food dish. "In case you didn't catch that, she was saying thank you."

"Yeah, I got it," Kate replied.

"What do you want to drink? I have soda and tea and…"

"Water," she answered.

Johanna eyed her. "Water? You usually have a soda or tea with your dinner."

"I know but I've been drinking more water since that little episode the other day when I didn't feel good," Kate told her, hoping she wouldn't slip up and reveal what she promised she wouldn't. "I'm trying to keep the germs flushed out of my body."

"Oh, well then that makes since," her mother replied; "Are you sure you're feeling better? You do look a little pale."

"I'm fine; just had a little bit of headache from work but it's easing up now. I'm sure dinner will help too."

Johanna nodded as she grabbed a bottle of water for Kate and a soda for herself. "If it would start to feel worse instead of getting better, you call Rick to drive you home later."

"Okay, but I'm sure it'll be gone, it's very dull right now. I'm hungry so I'm sure the food will take care of it."

They settled down at the table with their meal, silence between them as they opened packages containing plastic utensils to eat their meal with. "Rick said you were in court today," Johanna finally stated after swallowing a bite of her fettuccini.

"Yeah; I was all morning; I'm going to be there a lot this week."

"How did it go?"

"Good; I'm sure there will be a conviction; there's too much evidence for there not to be one. I was glad to get done though; they took forever calling me."

Johanna gave a laugh. "That's usually the way it goes, isn't it?"

"Yeah; unfortunately it is…the assistant DA is new…and apparently hasn't honed the art of a short but concise opening argument. He just kept going on and on…it's good thing he's better at questioning the witnesses than he is the opening statement," Kate told her.

She chuckled quietly. "He must still be nervous; assistant DA is a heavy job to carry; even without that title it takes awhile to get the opening argument timed just right."

"I remember that you weren't always fond of opening statements."

Johanna gave a nod. "That's true; I liked getting past all of that and into the main scheme of things. I always felt better once the opening was behind me."

"That's because you like taking people apart on the witness stand."

She smiled. "Well that's true; there's no denying that. One year on my birthday I was working a case with your father; the woman on the stand was lying through her teeth and I asked your father to please let me have her. He allowed me to cross examine her as an extra birthday gift."

Kate laughed. "Did you win the case?"

"Of course we won."

"Were you together then?"

"No; but it wasn't long after that. We had to go to Albany for that case."

"Did he get you anything else for your birthday besides cross examining a lying witness?"

Johanna smiled. "Tickets to see the Eagles in concert and that musical ballerina that's always sat on my bookcase in my office."

"Why did he get you that?"

"Because he remembered me telling Angie about how I had one when I was little and that it got broke."

"And he had to replace it for you?"

"Yes; but it was also partly Angie's idea."

"I haven't seen Angie in awhile," Kate confessed.

"She was around last weekend; she brought Bella with her. She looks so much like Angie; she could be her twin. You should call her, see if you two can have lunch one day."

"I might do that…speaking of lunches; I'm sorry yours didn't go too well today."

"Yeah, well…you know how it is sometimes."

"I know…but what brought about this discussion that you and Castle had about visiting habits?"

"He invited me over to your place for dinner and I declined and he brought up that I haven't been over in awhile. I mentioned that the two of you haven't been here either in awhile and that's when everything went downhill."

"I see…I am sorry; and I know I said it before but that excuse hasn't been a lie as much as you were led to believe; I swear it was only like three times."

"It's alright, Katie; I understand."

"But still; he shouldn't have told you that."

Johanna shrugged. "It's fine…I told him a few things he didn't like either but I'll let him tell you about that."

"I've gotten a recap…I'm sure it's been edited though."

"Most likely."

"I was surprised you stayed the whole time," Kate remarked.

"Yeah, me too…don't ever say that I don't love you."

"I know you love me," she replied; "And I know you're humoring my husband but I promise he's had good intentions with this whole thing."

Johanna was sure there was something else at play besides good intentions but the day had been long and she didn't feel like digging deeper tonight. She just wanted to enjoy being with her daughter for as long as she hung around that evening. "I know…it was just already a long day before I got there; that early morning meeting, complaining students during my office hours, then the car problem…it kind of already had me aggravated before I got there."

"I can understand that; I'd be aggravated too."

"And every time I have to tell your father that it's okay to accept his brother's invitation to dinner, I feel terrible because I know he feels like he has to choose between me and his brother."

"That's Michael's fault," Kate remarked. "He's the one who won't let it go."

"I know; but still, I hate when my husband is in that position."

"I know you do."

"Basically, it's been a bad day," Johanna remarked.

"Sounds like it…did anything happen after lunch to add to it?"

"No; I stopped at Macy's and looked around but I didn't buy anything."

"Why not? I'm pretty sure Rick gave you a gift card."

"He did but I'm saving it for something really good and I didn't find anything that fit the bill today."

"Hmm, it must really be a bad day if you left Macy's empty handed. Did you go to Bloomingdales or are you saving that card too?"

"I'm saving it."

"When I got home, he had brought me flowers, candy and ice cream," Kate remarked.

Johanna laughed. "Wow; the only thing missing is jewelry."

"I wonder how he missed that?" she mused aloud; "But anyway, as I'm sure you probably guess, they were suck up gifts."

"I figured they were."

"You're getting a suck up gift too; act surprised," Kate told her.

"More Macy's gift cards?" Johanna asked.

"Nope; he noticed your purse is Coach; you're getting a Coach gift card this time….don't refuse it, let him do it or neither one of us will have peace."

"I can always use another purse for my collection," her mother replied; "But it isn't necessary."

"Take it anyway."

"For you, I will…while making the appropriate amount of fuss so I don't disappoint him."

Kate smiled. "See, you're a good mother-in-law."

She scoffed. "Not according to your husband."

"He likes you…he's just not sure how to handle you. He's used to women fawning over him and then he met Beckett women and we make him work for it," Kate replied with a laugh.

Her mother laughed with her. "I guess I make him work harder than you do."

"Well, yeah, now…but that's probably in the mother-in-law handbook, isn't it?"

"I'm pretty sure it's page one but I think I'm supposed to throw that book away in his opinion."

"Don't throw it away," her daughter replied; "Just take out a few pages if you have to."

"Do you know that he's made a list of things to discuss at these lunches?" Johanna asked.

Kate nodded. "Yeah; I've seen it…I don't know if he's added anything to it though."

"It won't surprise me if he has…just for the record; I thought I started off pretty good today. I was doing very well with the introductory small talk about work and my car and my students…and then it all went to hell. I probably shouldn't have texted you but it was one of those split second reactions that I couldn't curb."

"No; I'm glad you let me know…if you don't, I have a feeling key things get left out of the conversation when we discuss it at home."

"Most likely; he doesn't want to look bad to you."

"I know he isn't always as innocent as he wants to seem."

"Oh I figure that, but you know that's a natural male reaction, they'll hide anything that makes them look bad to us," Johanna remarked.

"That's true. But listen, I do appreciate that you're being patient with him and have stuck with this so far," Kate stated. "I just hope he doesn't push too far that you reach your limit."

"I'm doing my best for you, Katie."

"I know; you always do," she replied. "But like I said, I appreciate that you're doing it…I know it's not something you're crazy about but I'm glad you're doing it."

Johanna didn't really feel like discussing how she was sure there were hidden motives so she merely nodded. "I appreciate that you brought dinner; I didn't really feel like cooking just for me, so thank you for bringing the food and for coming over."

"No problem, I was glad Dad called to say you'd be free for girl time."

Johanna smiled. "He's always trying to find me a play date, isn't he?"

"No," she laughed; "I think he just likes to let me know when I can have you to myself for a few hours. I'm just glad work didn't get the way."

"I'm glad too," her mother replied. "It's been a bit of a bad day but this makes it better."

* * *

They had been settled in the living room for several minutes, the recap of a previous episode of Temptation Lane playing on the screen as they each made themselves comfortable on the sofa. Scarlett jumped up on the cushion between them, curling into a ball.

"Get down, Scarlett," Johanna said gently; "I didn't put your cover there."

"Oh let her be," Kate replied; her hand reaching out and running over the cat's fur softly. "You know you're not as strict about that as Dad thinks you are…we both know Scarlett does what she wants for the most part when he's not home."

"Since when do you defend her?" Johanna couldn't help but laugh, her gaze appraising her daughter as she watched her pet the cat, Scarlett's soft purr filling the air.

Kate shrugged. "I just don't have a problem with her lying on the couch; it's not like you don't clean. If you don't physically see the cat, you wouldn't know that she lives here."

"Well since you two seem to be bonding today I guess the couch will survive not being covered," her mother remarked.

"Like it hasn't survived before…I've walked in here unannounced before and I've personally seen this cat curled up next to you on the couch."

"Okay, so I don't always cover the furniture but your father doesn't need to know that."

"My lips are sealed," she remarked. "But I have to ask; is she trained to get down if Dad comes home before she relocates."

"Of course, she's very smart."

They grew quiet as the show started but Kate couldn't concentrate as well as she would've liked on the plotline. She was still thinking about Castle's confession about the comments he had made about not wanting his children influenced by her mother. She believed that he didn't really mean what he said…but knowing that it was a worry that her mother harbored made her feel like she had to broach the topic to assure her in her own way that her place in their lives was secured.

Johanna picked up the remote in anticipation of fast forwarding through the commercials as the scene on the screen drew to a close but Kate cleared her throat, drawing her attention.

"Let the commercials play through," her daughter stated.

Johanna's stomach clenched; her daughter must have something on her mind…she kind of had a feeling that was the case. "What's wrong, Katie?"

Kate took a few seconds to choose her words carefully. "Rick told me about some things that happened at lunch today…after I talked to you both."

She tensed a little. "What about it? Or should I guess? I only called him a bad son-in-law because he said he was going to get me a sign that said bad mother-in-law. I shouldn't have done it though, I'm sorry; he's a very nice son-in-law. I'd send him a message and apologize but he apparently has a problem with me apologizing for things. He says I try to be a martyr."

Kate sighed. "He left that little tidbit out of our discussion but that's not the part I wanted to focus on…although I will discuss the martyr remark with him."

"Oh," Johanna said, grimacing a little that she's revealed something that she hadn't had to. "Then what is it?"

"It's come to my attention that you worry about being kept from your grandchildren one day," she stated.

Her mother breathed deeply. "Well I can't deny that I think of that…especially considering how your husband feels about me."

Kate scooped up Scarlett up and set her on the floor, getting an annoyed meow in response. "Forgive me, your highness," she stated as she moved closer to her mother and took her hand. "Look at me," she commanded.

Johanna tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as her gaze met her daughter's.

"I swear to you on all that's holy in your life and mine, that no one will ever keep my children from you. You don't ever have to worry about that. I know things aren't always great between everyone in this family and I know that Rick stuck his foot his mouth once again today…and he's been yelled at for it. While I believe that he didn't mean what he said today, I've made it clear in no uncertain terms that there's no way in hell he'll stand between you and our children. You don't have to worry…no one's ever going to keep you from your grandchildren, I promise you that."

Tears stung her eyes but she didn't allow them to fall. "I want to believe that."

"You can believe it; I'd never lie to you about something like that. I want you to be with my kids as much as you want. I want you to be a hands on grandmother…because I know you're going to be the best at it…you're going to be the best grandmother ever," she said before hurriedly adding, "When the time comes."

"I want to be an involved grandparent," Johanna stated. "I want to do all the things I've always imagined I would as a grandmother…I don't ever want to be kept from your children. That would be a pain I couldn't bear after everything we've gone through."

"I know; that's why I'm telling you that you don't have to worry; nothing is going to keep you from being the kind of grandmother you want to be when the time comes."

"I hope it comes soon," her mother murmured. "I'm still young enough to enjoy it right now."

Her secret formed on her tongue, the words threatening to spill from her lips, wanting nothing more than to tell her mother that if she could just be patient until May, her wish would be granted. But she forced herself to swallow the words, remembering the deal she had made with her husband. "It'll happen soon," she replied softly. "I'm married now, it's bound to happen."

Johanna studied her, wondering if that was her daughter's way of confessing that they were trying for a baby; maybe she was afraid of saying the words in fear of jinxing the efforts. She squeezed her hand, allowing her question to be swallowed. "Of course it will," she told her; "As soon as God says the time is right."

Kate nodded. "Yeah…just give me a little time."

"No pressure from me, sweetheart; things happen when they happen…and you know if it wouldn't happen the way you want and you still want children, there are other avenues."

"I know; but we'll see what happens before we need to think about those avenues," Kate replied; hating keeping her secret to herself. She wanted to tell her so badly; she hoped Castle appreciated the fact that she struggled so much to keep this hidden for now.

"Right; there's plenty of time for all that later on…I just look forward to it, you know?"

"I know, Mom; and I want you to stop worrying that someone will keep you at a distance, because that's not going to happen as long as I have breath in my body, I promise you. I don't want to upset you by saying this, it's not a topic anyone likes to speak of, but I do have a dangerous job and knowing that I want a family one day…I've mentioned to Rick that I want it put in a legal document for my peace of mind and yours, that if something would happen to me, that you and Dad get weekly visitation time with my kids. I don't really believe that he'd ever cut off their connection to my family but I don't want to leave things to chance. I want to know that there's a paper there giving you some rights to them…because as my parents, you would be their link to me…and as your only child, they're your link to me and I don't want that tampered with, God forbid anything would happen. I'm not saying anything will happen, but like I said, I don't want to leave it to chance."

"Katie, I hate to hear you talk like that," Johanna said, her throat tightening at the thought of it.

"I know; I don't like it either; but if I hope to be a mother, isn't that the kind of thing a mother thinks about? I'm sure you and Dad had provisions made for me while I was a minor."

She nodded. "Of course we did."

"Who was the lucky winner?" Kate asked lightly.

"Well, after a lot of debate, we decided on my parents with visitation for your father's parents," Johanna replied. "Then after my parents passed, we changed it to Robert and Elizabeth…but there was a provision that stated that you were to spend a certain amount of time with Frankie and Valerie during each month so that you'd still be connected to my family. Frankie and Valerie were always listed as the back up option; and if I'm being completely honest, after Robert died, we changed it one more time and named Frankie and Valerie because we didn't think Elizabeth would be up to the task of raising a teenage girl; but she was given a provision for the same kind of visitation schedule as listed before when she wasn't a primary guardian."

"So then it isn't such a bad thing for me to think ahead, is it?"

"No…and I do appreciate that you thought of us in that way," Johanna remarked. "But I have to make my usual 'please find a safer job' statement in light of your future children."

Kate smiled. "If you didn't say that at least once every six months, I'd worry."

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint you…but still; find a safer job."

"I will eventually move up the ranks," she remarked; "But I'm not ready yet…Gates has mentioned that she'll be ready to move on in a few years, when she's ready, she said she'll notify me so I can take the Captain's exam. If I pass, then I could take her place at the 12th…because I don't want any other precinct; if I'm going to be Captain, I want it to be there and I'm willing to wait for Gates to be ready to move up the ladder or to retire, whichever suits her."

Johanna gave a reluctant nod. "Since you seem to have a game plan, I'll accept that and return to this conversation in six months."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Kate remarked; "But do you feel better now; have I eased your mind? Because I want you to truly believe me about the subject of your involvement with your grandchildren; I'm not humoring you, I'm being serious."

Her mother squeezed her hand. "I believe you."

"Good; and if he'd ever make the mistake of saying something like that again, please call me immediately and I'll deal with him."

"You got it. He did say though that he hopes your kids don't act like me."

Kate laughed. "Yeah, well, we both know there's not a chance in hell that my kid will be born without any of your traits so he better buckle his seatbelt when the time comes; especially if I'd have a girl."

Johanna nodded. "He might've jinxed himself…she might be just like me. It would serve him right."

"You're right, it would," she said with a giggle; "And then I could remind him that it's his fault for making the statement that made it happen."

Her mother smiled. "That would be the perfect comeuppance…please go have me a granddaughter just so I can win this one…well that and so I can buy pretty dresses and hair bows and cute little shoes…and babysit while you're at work."

"What about your job?"

"I'll cut my days back," she answered without batting an eye. "I'll switch to Tuesdays and Thursdays and arrange to be home by afternoon like usual, it wouldn't be an issue."

"Speaking of Thursday, Castle says you'll be having lunch with him again?"

"Yeah; I somehow got shanghaied into that…and I'm only going to all of these lunches for your sake, Katie."

"I know," she said, the remembrance of her mother's little secret coming to mind. "Meeting him for lunch Thursday won't interfere with your therapy appointment, will it?" she asked.

Her mother tensed the slightest bit but then shook it off. "No; there won't be any problem. I don't have to go this week."

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because he said I could cut back to every other week," Johanna replied. "I think I'm just about done, honestly."

Kate nodded. "Are you going to be okay with that?"

"Most definitely."

"Do you feel that you've made enough progress?"

"I think I'm about as good as it's going to get, Katie…but I think I'm a lot better than I was; don't you?"

She nodded. "Yeah; I do…maybe cutting back on the therapy is a good thing. You'll see how much better you're doing without the benefit of going every week."

Johanna smiled. "My thoughts exactly," she replied, wondering if the questions hadn't been meant to trip her up. What if Rick had spilled her secret but Katie didn't want to come right out and say it? Was she hoping to catch her in the lie? She couldn't let that happen. She'd wait a few weeks and announce to her daughter that her therapy sessions were at an end and hopefully she'd never know the difference.

"Is there anything else we need to discuss, any other worry you have?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm good," she replied, shifting to tug her daughter into her arms. "But I'm glad you're here for awhile this evening, it's nice when it's just us sometimes."

Kate hugged her tightly. "Yeah it is, I'm glad I came too."

Scarlett meowed from her spot on the floor and Kate narrowed her eyes at her. "She was my mother first, get over it."

Johanna laughed quietly as she released her daughter. "There's no need for either one of you to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous," Kate remarked. "I just want her to know how it is."

"I think she knows, Katie."

"Good…and when you're a grandmother, she'll have to share your attention even more."

"I'm sure Scarlett would do just fine with a new addition to the family; she'll be properly prepared for it when the time comes, as you say."

Kate gave a nod. "I'm sure she will be…and I'm sure you'll be more than ready."

"So very ready," Johanna replied. "Your father will be too; he'd be overjoyed to be a grandfather."

"I'll see what I can do for the two of you," she told her, her gaze drifting back to the screen before she spilled her secrets. "Catch me up on this plotline for Angela, if you don't mind."

The topic of grandchildren was pushed aside and her mother launched a detailed summary of the plotline on Temptation Lane, allowing Kate to relax and keep her secret safe.

* * *

Kate and Johanna were on their third episode of Temptation Lane when they heard Jim open the back door and call his wife's name. Scarlett, who had retaken her spot on the couch, heard his voice and hurriedly scrambled onto Kate's lap.

"We're in the living room," Johanna called out, struggling to keep from laughing as Scarlett realized that she had jumped onto the wrong lap and was debating scrambling towards her owner.

"Just lay down, Scarlett," Kate remarked, her hand petting her gently. Scarlett settled down on her lap, purring once again as Jim entered the room.

"How are my girls?" he asked, the statement reminding Kate of her childhood; he had always said those words when he came home from work.

"We're fine," Johanna replied, smiling as he approached her. "We missed you though."

"A likely story," he teased before pressing a kiss against her lips. "You two were probably talking about me the whole time."

Kate scoffed. "We're capable of thinking up better topics than that."

Jim smirked as he stepped toward her and kissed her forehead. "When two women get together, there's always man bashing, Princess."

"That doesn't mean we picked you as the topic; right, Mom?"

"Right; he wasn't our topic at all."

"I see," Jim said with a nod. "It's Rick's turn this week. I'm off the hook this time."

"We'll get to you next time," Johanna quipped.

"I don't doubt it," he said as he moved to step away from the sofa. Scarlett meowed at him and he turned back. "Sorry, Scarlett; I didn't mean to ignore you," he said, giving her a soft pat before meeting Kate's gaze. "Since when are you and the cat such good friends?"

"I brought her dinner," Kate replied.

Jim nodded as he moved to his chair. "That'll do it. Bring me free dinner and I'll be your friend too."

His daughter smirked at him. "You have to be my friend no matter what I do, you're my father."

"Technicality," he stated. "But I'm pretty sure that your mother used free meals to lure me into her man trap back in the day."

Johanna gave him an amused smirk. "If that's what you want to believe, honey."

"I don't have to believe it, I know it."

"You can't lure the willing, Dad."

"Hey, I tried to resist," he remarked; "But by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late."

Kate laughed. "I heard that you tried to jump out of the man trap and that you were punished…and she made you beg for mercy."

"She did make me beg, but it wasn't mercy I was begging for…at least not all of it," Jim remarked.

Johanna laughed as their daughter shook her head. "Let's not even go down that road, Dad."

"Just setting the record straight."

"Uh huh; I'm more inclined to believe her version of events."

"That's because you women stick together."

"Alright, enough of who captured who and by which methods," Johanna remarked. "How's my car?"

"Your Mustang is all better, sweetheart. The battery was dying so we replaced it and the cables because they were starting to look worn and that will give you a bad connection. While we were under the hood, we also checked the belts, spark plugs and fluids. I added some oil but it was probably due for it. You shouldn't have any other trouble with it."

"I'm glad it was minor; thank you for taking care of it today."

"It wasn't a problem," he replied. "I sorry it took you a few calls to get me this morning."

"I know it wasn't on purpose," Johanna told him. "Did Michael say anything?"

"About what?"

"About it being my car?"

Jim shook his head. "No; he just asked what I thought was wrong with it…and after we tested the battery, he's the one who suggested that we check the belts before we went to get the new battery and the cables. There wasn't any problem."

"Good," she murmured.

Kate shifted a bit, being mindful of her feline friend on her lap. She knew that it was still a soft spot for her mother that Michael and Natalie were still shunning her. "How are Uncle Michael and Aunt Natalie?" she asked; not to hurt her mother but because she felt like it would be expected of her to ask.

"They're fine," Jim replied. "They asked about you. Natalie said that you should come visit sometime soon."

"Yeah; that's not likely. She looked like it killed her to be at my wedding so you know…"

"That's probably because I was there," Johanna replied.

"You're my mother; you were supposed to be there. I didn't give a damn if Natalie was there or not."

"I'm just saying though, that's probably why she looked so pained by being there."

"She could've stayed home."

Jim smiled as he glanced at his daughter. "She also asked when you'll be having a baby; she said you better get with it if you want one."

Kate's face blanched and Johanna's jaw tensed, she had a feeling it wasn't a question her daughter wanted, especially if she had picked up on the hints right that she was trying to start a family. "You tell your nosy sister-in-law that the only person who gets to ask her that is her mother," Johanna remarked. "She'll have a baby when the time is right…just like we did."

Jim gave his wife a grin. "I'll give you a dollar if you call her up and tell her that."

"It's tempting but I've had enough drama for the day," she replied, noting that color was returning to Kate's face now that the statement had been handled.

Her husband looked to their daughter. "I already know about the car and her meeting and her students…she was a little quiet about lunch so far, so I'm assuming your husband did something. Am I going to have a special meeting with him?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "I've taken care of today's faux pas; which Mom can tell you about later."

"Well you tell him he better watch it anyway," Jim remarked. "I don't want to have to have that special meeting with him but I will if I have to."

Kate smiled. "I'll pass that message along to him."

"Please do."

Silence fell across the room as they all gave their attention to the television. When that day's episode of Temptation Lane finished, Kate glanced at her watch and scooped Scarlett up and put her on the cushion between her and her mother. "I better be getting home," she stated.

"Did your headache go away?" Johanna asked as she rose to follow her.

"Yeah; dinner took care of it," Kate said, pausing next to Jim to kiss his cheek. "I love you, Dad; I'll see you later."

"I love you too, Katie. Be careful getting home; let your mother know you got there."

"I promise," she replied; "And if Natalie's meal wasn't filling for you; we saved you our leftovers; they're in the fridge."

Jim smiled. "That's one of the reasons I keep you two around; you keep me well fed."

"We know," Kate replied as she headed for the entry way.

"I'm going to walk out with her," Johanna told her husband as she met his gaze.

He gave her a nod and she followed after her daughter; waiting as she slipped on her jacket and grabbed her keys and her purse. They were quiet as they stepped out on the porch and began to move down the steps.

"Katie," Johanna said quietly.

"What?"

"I'm not pushy with the baby question, am I?"

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"When I bring up that I want grandchildren."

Kate smiled and took her hand as they walked to the car. "No, Mom; you're not pushy about it. I'm pretty sure a healthy amount of time passes between comments."

"I don't want you to think there's any pressure from me…I remember a period of time when your grandmother hassled me constantly about settling down…and when she found out I was taking birth control pills, she assumed it meant I was never going to give her a grandchild. She didn't understand why I didn't throw those pills away the day before my wedding and she brought it up sometimes, worrying that I wasn't going to have a child. Other people asked all the time once I was married too…and sometimes it was easily ignored and other times I wished they'd just mind their own business. I don't ever want to make you feel that way with those types of comments."

"You don't," she assured. "I don't mind when you mention it; because like I said, you don't mention it all the time. I don't like people like Natalie mentioning it because from her I tend to take it as a dig that I've waited too long."

"I understand how you could take it that way," Johanna replied; "But I'm sure it'll all work out…you're still in your thirties, you have time; hell a lot of women have babies into their forties. It'll happen, you just have to have faith…and keep all options in mind so that it keeps some of the pressure off."

It had already happened, Kate thought, forcing her hand not to stray to her stomach; a habit she had quickly developed once the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy. She had also noticed that her emotions were more easily tugged upon and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes; her mother had picked up on a vibe, it wasn't exactly the right one but she knew she had grasped something…that maybe she thought they were trying for a baby and not telling anyone…and she was quietly offering her support for whatever happened in her endeavor to have a family of her own.

"Hey, what are the tears for," her mother asked; bumping her chin up with her knuckle.

She shrugged. "I don't know…I just appreciate that you're supportive about that whole thing…you know, about not pressuring and being reassuring all that the same time. I don't know, I guess I'm just having one of those moments."

Johanna pulled her into a tight hug. "I'll always support you, no matter what. I have faith that it will happen when the time is right; and you should believe that too. People are going to ask a lot now that you're married but ignore them and tell them to worry about their own womb."

Kate laughed softly as she held on to her, breathing in the scents of strawberry soap and the soft notes of floral perfume that her mother always smelled of. "It usually happens when you're least expecting it, Katie," Johanna murmured. "That's how I got you…I wasn't expecting it at all, and there you were."

"I thought you got me because you got drunk on champagne in a hotel room in Pennsylvania."

Johanna pulled back to look at her, an amused smirk on her lips. "That's true too…I was a little drunk in a hotel room…which goes to prove that thinking about getting pregnant was the furthest thing from my mind. All I was thinking about was celebrating the fact that I didn't have to go to that damn family reunion. I had no idea that the celebration would provide me with my own little family."

"Are you ever sorry that you didn't have another baby?"

Johanna shook her head. "There have been times when we're at odds with each other and I wish I had another one…but then we get past it and I feel the way I always did; complete. Once I had you, I was complete…and really, how could there be another when God already gave me the best he had?"

She gave her a wobbly smile and pulled her back into a hug. "I love you, Mom," she murmured.

"I love you too, baby," Johanna said, her hand sweeping over her daughter's head like she used to do when she was small. "Everything will be alright; you'll see."

Kate closed her eyes and hung on to her; her mother didn't know her secret and yet she had just soothed some small faction of nerves with that simple statement. She reluctantly pulled herself out of her mother's embrace after another long moment. "I'll let you know I got home," she murmured.

"Okay; be careful."

"Oh," Kate said; a thought coming to mind. "Rick mentioned that he asked to sit in on your class Friday."

"Yeah," Johanna said, her tone giving away nothing. "I told him I'd think about it…that's why he wants to have lunch again Thursday."

"He wanted me to persuade you to say yes but I'm leaving that decision completely up to you," her daughter replied; "I won't be mad if you say no; so if you're not comfortable with it; don't do it for my sake, I won't be upset about it, I promise. You make up your mind based on your own feelings for that one."

"Alright, Katie; but I will give it serious thought and you can tell him I said that if he asks."

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Have a good day at work tomorrow."

"You too."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

Johanna smiled. "Okay; I'll be home from work long before you."

"I know," she laughed as she unlocked her door. "Don't rub it in."

"You know I can't resist once in awhile," her mother teased.

"Oh I know; go ahead and head back to the house…I like to make sure you're inside before I leave," Kate said, leaning close to kiss her cheek.

Johanna kissed her cheek in return and patted her arm. "Alright, see you later; thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome," she replied, standing by the open door of her car as she watched her mother move swiftly back up the walk and then up the steps. She got in the car and closed her door, locking it and reaching for her seatbelt as Johanna stood on the porch, her hand on the handle of the screendoor. She gave her a wave and Kate started the car and pulled out as Johanna stepped back into the house.

She locked the doors and drifted back into the living room, moving toward Jim, she settled down on her husband's lap, her arms slipping around him. "How are you doing, Sassy?" he asked quietly, wrapping his arm around her.

Johanna breathed deeply and expelled a soft breath. "Well I've had better days…but of course I've also had worse days so I probably shouldn't complain too much."

"A bad day is a bad day," Jim replied, his fingertips caressing her arm. "It doesn't have to measure up to others. Do you want to talk about whatever happened at lunch?"

She gave a soft shake of her head. "Not tonight; I've kind of exhausted that topic with Katie for now. I'll tell you about it tomorrow over breakfast."

"Alright," he murmured; knowing better than to push when she was clearly done with the issue for the moment. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?"

A soft smile touched her lips before she stole a kiss. "You could make me forget if you're of a mind to…that always makes me feel better."

Jim patted her hip. "I can do that; let's make sure the house is locked up and head upstairs for the night."

Johanna gave a nod, brushing another kiss against his lips before she got up from his lap. The day hadn't been all that great; but she had gotten to spend some time with her daughter and now she could have the rest of the night with her husband; forgetting about wounded feelings and lunch appointments…ulterior motives and decisions to be made. She was just going to forget it for a little while and let tomorrow take care of itself.


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 7

On Thursday afternoon, Castle spotted Johanna standing near the door outside the café. She had her phone in hand, studying something on the screen as he approached. "You're early," he stated, his voice startling her and making her flinch.

"Well I was late the last time," Johanna replied. "I figured I better make up for it."

"It wasn't intentional though," he said as he pulled the door open for her.

"But still," she said as she stepped through the doorway; "I was trying to break the threat of being a stereotypical female."

"Well, when you put it that way," he said lightly, nudging her toward the booth near the window where they had set on Tuesday.

"How's your car?" Castle asked.

"It's fine; Jim took care of the problem."

"Did you enjoy your girl time with Kate?"

"I always do," Johanna replied. "Even Scarlett was happy to have her company."

"Have they called a truce?" he asked lightly; still amused to no end that Kate did seem to harbor some jealousy in regard to her mother's cat.

"It seemed like it the other night but we'll see if it lasts."

A thought popped into mind and he spoke it before he could properly think about whether it was the right thing to do or not. "Are you as suspicious of her making a truce with the cat as you are with me for inviting you to lunch?"

Johanna's gaze flicked to his. "No, I figured it was because she felt bad that we clearly didn't have a good session the other day…should I be suspicious?"

"Of course not; and what do you mean by session?"

"Well…it kind of feels like therapy."

"How would you know, you only went once."

"I was very observant at my one session," she replied. "Why does it bother you so much?"

"Because I think if you had gone and kept going, you'd be better by now."

She frowned. "You make it sound like I have some kind of disease."

"You do suffer from depression."

"I actually haven't dealt with a bout of depression in awhile; I've felt pretty good in a lot of aspects for a good while now."

"Are you sure about that?"

Johanna nodded as the waiter approached and asked them what they wanted to drink. She ordered her usual soda while Rick gave his usual coffee order before they accepted their menus.

"How can you be sure that you're better?" Castle asked. "Because some people might beg to differ."

Johanna sighed. "Well then those people are probably only looking at one side of me…and perhaps allowing their personal opinions to color their judgment of the situation. I know I'm better because I feel better; I haven't had any panic attacks in a long time, I haven't been depressed, I haven't been overly wrought emotionally. I go out nearly every day without over thinking it and awaiting doom at every turn. I go places without Jim and I feel secure in the knowledge that I'll get back home to him. When Katie and I have our squabbles, I don't dwell on it. I either apologize or I wait for her to be finished being mad. I don't let it bother me anymore that some friends and family still haven't come around…"

"Can you really say that in regard to your sister? Because that still seems to be a huge sore spot."

Johanna's gaze flicked to the window for a moment and then back to his face. "I don't want to talk about my sister."

"Which would imply that it does bother you."

"I miss her but I don't lose sleep over it."

"Do you still try or have you given up on her? Because you mentioned that I don't know everything…although I do know that you bake her a birthday cake and leave it on her porch with a card…and a few days later she leaves the empty container on your porch with a note," he stated. "And at Christmas time, you do the same dance with cookies. No one seems to know what those cards and notes in those containers say though."

"That's because it's between my sister and I," Johanna remarked.

His brow rose. "Do you meet her secretly somewhere so her husband doesn't know that you communicate?"

"No."

"Talk on the phone at safe times?"

"No."

"There must be something."

Johanna sighed a little. "I have a separate email address that she can contact me at if she wants to; it's not connected to my name or anything anyone would know about me except Colleen. That way if Paul would stumble across it in her contact list, he'll think it's some client of hers or a friend from school, whatever lie she wants to tell."

"Something only she would know?" he asked; intrigued by this secret network she must've created.

"When we were little girls we each had a favorite baby doll…and we named them after the movie stars in Mom's magazines. Colleen named her baby Rita and I named mine Ava…so the name on the account is Ava…and since McKenzie would throw up a red flag and so does Beckett; I used my mother-in-law's maiden name, since it's the name you used for Erica in the Nikki Heat books. So the account is under Ava Bradley."

"Clever," Castle remarked.

She shrugged. "I try to make the effort…I leave the door open if she wants to walk through it. Once in awhile she sends an email. Once in awhile I'll get a text…it's not often, and I haven't seen her in a long time, but I guess it's enough and I can make do with it. I've got my brother, he's been very good to me since I came home; the best brother he's ever been. There's Valerie too; she's a wonderful sister."

"But not the sister you grew up with," Castle remarked.

"The choice is Colleen's, not mine," Johanna remarked. "She knows that she could show up on my porch today and I'd let her in…but I know I wouldn't get so much as a toe across the threshold of her home. It's not how I wished things would be…but I've had to learn to deal with it."

"Maybe you could invite her into a public setting; maybe that would take the pressure off."

"Public settings have been the stage of our few face to face meetings…and they weren't the good kind of meetings."

"Some time has passed since the last one…"

"Rick," she said firmly; "I'm not discussing my sister anymore today."

"Okay," he remarked; figuring that he better learn when not to push an issue. "Kate will be glad to know that you actually wear the jacket that she made you accept as a mother's day gift," he said with a nod at the sky blue leather jacket that she hadn't taken off yet.

"I don't want to talk about that either," she remarked, reaching for the smooth silver zipper pull. She unzipped the jacket and shrugged out of it, laying it beside her in the booth with her purse.

"Why not?" he asked as the waiter delivered their drinks and hurried away with the promise to return.

"Because it felt more like a guilt gift than a mother's day gift…especially considering that we had an agreement not to buy gifts for any occasion since that's how she wanted it previously."

"It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind."

"Especially when her mother is seriously considering skipping her wedding, right?" Johanna asked.

"We had faith that you would forgive us and come," he remarked; "And you did…and we're glad."

She picked up her glass and took a long sip. "I don't really want to talk about that today either."

"Something wrong today?" Castle asked.

"No; Jim had to leave early this morning to go Albany with Zach for the case their working on. I got up at four to make sure he didn't sleep through the alarm at 4:30. I made him breakfast and made sure he had everything he needed. Zach picked him up at six."

"You should've gone back to bed for awhile."

"I tried; I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Too awake by that point?"

"No; I just don't like when he leaves the city. I can't sleep when he isn't in the same city as me."

Castle regarded her with a raised brow. "You make monthly pilgrimages to Jersey to shop at the malls with your sister-in-law or your friend."

"I know…and I enjoy it but I also don't like not being in the same city as my husband. I'm sure you can understand why."

"Of course," he murmured; a commotion in the kitchen seeming to announce that there might be a delay in lunch. "When will he be back?"

"Late this evening; probably around eight or eight-thirty."

"You could come over with us until he gets home."

"I appreciate the offer but I want to be there when he gets home. I'll make dinner a little later tonight so I can keep a plate warm for him in the oven."

"He'll probably eat in Albany with his friend," Castle replied.

"Probably and yet he'll come home still needing fed," she remarked. "Jim always wants a home cooked meal when he gets back from a trip."

The waiter reappeared to take their order before Castle could comment and he frowned as he was forced to hold on to the thought until they had ordered their meal. Finally Fredrick was explaining that there might be a slightly longer wait than usual and then he hurried away when he was assured that they weren't in a hurry.

"I was kind of surprised that you weren't more reluctant about spending six weeks in London," he stated.

"I was with Jim; Jeff and Maggie were there too."

"But you were far from home…I thought that would bother you."

"As long as Jim is with me, I'm fine," Johanna replied. "Besides; I was more than ready to get away from here. I missed my cat but Gabby posted pictures and videos of her to my Facebook every day."

"Did you enjoy your time there? I'm afraid Kate and I have dominated travel conversations with our gushing about Bora Bora."

"That's how newlyweds are," his mother-in-law replied. "It sounds like a beautiful place."

"It is," he agreed. "But London is nice too."

She nodded. "It was very nice; we briefly thought about staying but we missed our house; and I could never live somewhere else full time again."

"You thought about staying?" Castle repeated.

"Yeah; we talked about it one night. Jim and Jeff worked during the week but in the evenings and the weekends we'd go do things and we were having such a great time that we were tempted to stay; but New York is home. I don't want to leave my brother and sister-in-law or my nieces and nephews; my friends. Jim doesn't want to leave his brother or his friends either. We also wouldn't be guaranteed jobs over there…and it would be hard to start over in another place; it would bring back bad memories. The idea was dismissed quickly."

Castle met her gaze. "You didn't mention Kate."

"Oh we discussed Katie a great deal. We would've missed her madly but we figured she would've liked it if we lived in a different country…which Jim said was the biggest reason why we couldn't move."

"Because she might like it?"

"Yeah," she said with a soft laugh. "We don't want to give her a gift like that."

"She wouldn't like it; she'd worry herself sick," Castle said, his tone sharp.

Johanna gave him an odd look. "Rick, we discussed it and dismissed it all in the same evening. We were just having a nice time; it was peaceful and relaxing after a very long few months. We liked the city, the atmosphere, the history; but it could never be home. I have been trying to convince him that we need a beach house though."

"Where?" Castle asked.

She shrugged. "I don't care; anywhere. I'd like it to be in North Carolina but Virginia Beach would be closer...or we could go to Long Island near Bridget; that would be nice as well."

"You could just use my house in the Hamptons," he replied.

"It's not the same."

"Why; it would save you money."

"We've got money," Johanna told him. "We don't need a mansion; just a nice little beach home for numerous summer trips."

"You could use mine for free."

"But what if you're using it when I want to go to the beach?"

"You'd wait until the next week," Castle remarked.

"That's why I want my own beach house; I want to go when I want to go…and I can't decorate your house."

"What's wrong with my house?" he asked, a defensive note in his tone.

"Nothing; it's beautiful; but part of the fun of me having a beach house would be decorating it. I've always known exactly how I'd want to do it; soft, light colors; thin gauzy curtains to let in the light. It would be so pretty…and there is a house near Bridget that's for sale."

"But Jim said no?"

"Yeah," she sighed; "He said no…he said we have a house and a cabin in the mountains…but I don't really think that's fair; that was in his family before he was born; he didn't have to buy it…and although I love the cabin and have very fond memories there, I'd always pick the beach for a vacation."

"You can still use my house and save the money," Castle said.

"Don't tell Jim that; I'll never get my own beach house," Johanna remarked.

"You don't need one when there's one in the family!"

"Don't tell me what I need," she replied as she picked up her glass for another drink; "You have no idea what I need."

"I could probably think of a few things," he muttered.

Johanna eyed him. "Rick; don't ruin this by going down that road…because there's a chance that there might be things I think you need."

"Right," he said with a nod. "We don't need to go there. Let's go back to the original topic; you can still come over for awhile…I'm sure Jim will let you know when he's on his way; you could have dinner with us and still get home in time to put something in the oven for him. I'm sure you have leftovers in the freezer, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then it shouldn't be a problem."

She shifted in her seat, wishing the waiter would come with their lunch and spare her from answering but he was nowhere in sight. "I'll think about it."

Castle met her gaze. "Okay, let's do this; if you want to come, you show up at 5:30; we'll have a place for you…if you don't, just let Kate know you're staying home so she doesn't worry about you."

"Alright," she relented; wishing the waiter would've appeared and kept her from feeling like her hands were tied and she'd have to show up; which meant driving home in the evening alone and going into a dark empty house alone, with the exception of Scarlett. That thought always unnerved her.

"What bothers you about the idea, Johanna?" Castle asked; seeing unease seep into her posture.

"Nothing."

"Truth," he stated.

She sighed, her gaze flicking toward the kitchen but their waiter was still nowhere in sight. "I don't like going home alone to a dark empty house."

"Leave a light on," Castle replied; "And Scarlett's there."

"Yeah; she can really protect me if there's someone hiding in the house," Johanna remarked.

"I thought you were over your fears?" he replied.

"Getting over one set of fears doesn't mean that I can't be afraid of other things. I'm a woman in a dangerous world, Rick. I've already had too many close calls…and I'm not the only woman in the world who feels leery about going home to a dark house in the evening. It's not so unnatural."

He was supposed that was true; and really it would seem odd for her not to have some small sense of fear. After all that she had been through, was it fair of them to expect her to be fearless when everyone else in the world was allowed to be nervous or afraid of one thing or another? "Okay; new deal," he replied. "If you want to come over, leave a light on at home…and when you're ready to go, I will follow you home and I'll go in with you and make sure all is well…will that help?"

"Yes…but it seems like unnecessary bother for you," Johanna replied.

"I volunteered so I must not mind," he remarked. "You'll think about it?"

"I'll think about it."

"Good," he said; allowing silence to fall, figuring they could both use the time to prepare themselves for the next topic of their lunch.

* * *

"So," Castle said, breaking the silence that lingered as they continued to wait on their meals.

"So what?" Johanna asked while reaching for her glass.

He shrugged. "I don't know; I'm kind of afraid to say anything about list topics; you might get mad and report me."

Johanna sat down her glass of soda and pushed her phone across the table. He gave her a puzzled look. "You can hang on to it, if it makes it easier," she told him.

Castle shook his head and pushed her phone back across the table. "That's okay."

She picked up her phone and tucked it into the pocket of her purse, figuring out of sight and out of mind. "Pick a topic and let's get on with this, Rick."

"No small talk first?"

"Didn't we already do that?"

"That doesn't mean there can't be more," he said, his list of topics looking slightly unappealing at the moment.

"If you insist," Johanna replied. "How is the book coming along?"

"Which one?" he asked.

Interest flickered in her eyes. "I wasn't aware that you were writing more than one."

"Yeah; I'm working on one for Nikki; another e-book series for Derrick Storm and a book for a new series."

"A new series? Are you getting rid of Derrick again?"

"No."

Johanna's gaze stayed pinned upon him. "Surely not Nikki…I mean if you have to get rid of one, it should definitely be Derrick."

"No, I'm not getting rid of Nikki."

"You swear?"

"I swear; I just signed another deal for Nikki; four more books plus e-book novellas for her, I want to do some holiday tie-ins."

"I'll look forward to those…any chance of a ghost story for Nikki at Halloween?" she asked hopefully. "I like ghost stories."

His eyes sparkled merrily. "It's already written."

Johanna smiled. "When is it coming out?"

"The week of Halloween," Castle answered. "I'll make sure you know in advance."

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

"You were quick to vote for Derrick's demise," he remarked.

Johanna shrugged. "I'm partial to Nikki; not just because of Katie, but as I told you before, because she's a woman and it's easier to relate to a female character."

"Understood; but don't worry, Nikki isn't going anywhere."

"It's a good damn thing," his mother-in-law answered. "What's your new series going to be about?"

He hesitated, choosing his words with care. "I can't really say much about it right now."

Her brow rose, her interest piqued. "Not even a little hint?"

"Well…it's a little different from my usual characters."

"How so?"

"It's not a cop or a CIA operative…but it's still in the crime genre."

"F.B.I. Agent?"

"No."

"Secret Service?"

"No."

"U.S Marshals?"

"No."

"What else is there?" Johanna asked.

"Oh there are plenty of options," Castle told her; surprised that lawyer hadn't been one of her guesses.

"Is the new lead character a man or a woman?"

"A woman."

"Oh, good; it can sometimes be hard to find women in lead roles in the crime genre."

"I think she'll be a nice addition," Castle remarked, hoping that Johanna would still like the idea once she found out who the character was.

"Is she a completely new character or one from one of your established series?"

He faltered for a moment, he hadn't expected that question. "I can't say right now."

Johanna frowned. "Just give me a little hint, I won't tell anyone."

"I can't…you know, because of publisher's rules."

She nodded. "Legalities; I understand. I know how it goes."

He smiled. "Yeah…I think you'll like the new book though; at least I hope so."

"I'm sure I will."

He really hoped so…because if she hated Erica's new status as a lead character in her own right, he wasn't sure he could handle that type of rejection from inside his own family.

The waiter appeared and put their meal down in front of them and then hurried away. "Can't we go to McDonalds next time?" Johanna asked. "I need chicken nuggets in my life every once in awhile."

Castle laughed. "You need chicken nuggets in your life?"

She nodded. "It's one those guilty pleasure and weakness things rolled into one."

"I picked this spot because it's not as overly crowded as your local fast food place."

"I realize that…but I still like chicken nuggets."

"We'll get you some chicken nuggets sometime soon," he promised; "Because now I'm craving a cheeseburger, thank you."

She laughed, and he realized it was her real laugh; not the forced one or the humorless one or the one that spoke of bitter anger. It was a pure laugh; one that was very similar to Kate's and he smiled in response as she regarded her chosen entrée, clearly still wishing that it was chicken nuggets.

"I'd apologize for your sudden craving but I know how you feel about that," Johanna said, but her tone remained light.

He smiled and reached into his pocket. "Speaking of apologies," he said; "Please accept my apology and this gift as a sincere gesture for the way our last lunch went."

Johanna eyed the small gift card sized package. "You didn't have to get a gift, Rick."

"Kate and I felt that you deserved one."

"Rumor has it; you bought Katie some suck up gifts."

"Yes, I did…her gift card was delivered to her email…which she didn't check until last night."

"And was she receptive to her email gift card?"

"She looked like she had plans to use it," he said with a nod. "Please open yours, because I'm not taking it back."

"Fine, Rick," she said as she accepted the small box, noting the Coach name and logo on the lid before she lifted it to peer at the card inside. "You didn't have to be so extravagant."

He gave a shake of his head. "I don't consider peace offerings extravagant; please buy whatever handbag your heart desires…rumor has it that they also have shoes and sunglasses."

"Thank you," Johanna replied as she tucked her gift into her purse. "But it wasn't necessary."

"I don't care," he said; "Just take it and enjoy it."

"Alright," she sighed. "Have you picked your topic yet?"

"No…do you want to pick this time?"

"No," Johanna told him; "You're the one with a list, you pick."

Castle drummed his fingers on the table. "Well…Alexis has been mentioned a few times."

His mother-in-law wrinkled her nose and kept her gaze on her plate.

"You're not feeling that topic today?" he asked.

"I'd rather not," she said. "It might get back around to that grandchildren topic and I'm not ready to go there again."

"You know I didn't mean what I said," Castle said gently. "I'd never stand in your way…and I'm pretty sure Kate would shoot me first if I even thought about it. She told me that you two talked about it; that she gave you her personal assurance and guarantee…surely you believe her more than me."

"Of course."

"Pretty quick with the confirmation," he quipped.

"You asked."

"You're right; I did."

"So what's it going to be?"

Castle blew out a breath. "How about we just put the list on hold for today?"

Johanna eyed him. "Then what are we going to talk about?"

He shrugged. "Anything that comes to mind; we've been doing alright so far…maybe you can help me with some things for the new series; although I can't give a lot of details."

"What kind of things?"

"Like about the 70s…because I have an interest in that decade for this book."

Johanna's brow rose. "Really?"

"Yeah…and I'm not taking a dig at your age, but you were a young woman in the 70s…you had to look into things for your job and you didn't have Google to help you with that."

"That's the truth," she laughed.

"So how did you do it?"

"Basically the same way it's done today, Rick; leg work. As a lawyer, I had to interview witnesses, sometimes more than once, find evidence to back up their claims if they couldn't provide the evidence themselves. Computers were still a new thing and not widely embraced so if you were working on something that involved a business who wasn't using a computer system to store data, you had to wait until they dug through their archives for what you needed and a lot of times that was the case. You had to make a lot of phone calls, knock on doors, dig for what you need…but again, that's still true today."

Castle gave a nod. "When did you start using computers in your office?"

Johanna thought for a moment. "I want to say early 80s…I was still with Roche when we started using them…I left there when Katie was three and we had already been using them for about a year."

"Why did you leave that firm?"

"They were downsizing and there was a list of people being let go; Jim was on the list to stay, I was on the list to go," she replied.

"Why?"

"It's a long story but to make it short; some of the new senior partners weren't big fans of me," Johanna said with a smile. "Of course, the feeling was mutual. A couple we were friends with were also on the list to go; Mark and Cathy decided to start their own firm and they invited me and a few others to go in with them. I agreed and finished up my caseload and went ahead and left on my own; I spent the summer at home with Katie."

"What about your clients? Did you have any clients that kept you on retainer or didn't that apply to your work?"

"Oh, no; I handled a lot of different things at Roche's firm; I had some steady clients who kept me on retainer. I informed them about what was going on and they chose to go with me."

"So you weren't only focused on civil rights?"

Johanna shook her head. "No; when I started out, I handed all kinds of things, civil rights, criminal, family law, contract law. Really the only thing I didn't handle was real estate law and estate law. When I went in with Mark and Cathy, I narrowed down a little more, focused a lot of my energy on civil rights; but I still had those clients who kept me on retainer and a lot of that was contract law so I stayed in that for them and because it brought in more clients than civil rights at times. I also took the occasional family law case."

"But you stayed away from criminal law?"

"Well…a lot of civil rights cases are wrapped up in criminal law, Rick; so I wouldn't say I stayed away completely. But when it comes to the criminal aspect of civil rights law, you're usually working on an appeal."

"Why did you pick civil rights as your main focus after leaving your other firm?"

"Civil rights were always important to me; but at a bigger firm you have to do a lot of things; you don't really get to specialize as much as you'd like. For me it was something I believed in a lot, I still do…and with a more narrowed focus, I could have more regular hours and didn't have to worry about how to get out of out of town cases. I believe that's one of the reasons I was on the list to be booted out of Roche's firm; once I became a mother, I refused to work on any cases that involved out of town travel and I left at four instead of five…Roche didn't mind that…but he retired and things changed. At Mark and Cathy's firm, I could come in at 8:30 and leave at four and there wasn't any issue…just like no one said a word if I needed to juggle my schedule to have time off for field trips and doctor's appointments. I had a lot more flexibility at the smaller firm and that was exactly what I needed…it made me feel like I had a good balance. When work was slow there, I'd teach a class at Columbia to stay busy; but I felt like I had the best of both worlds; I had my career but I was also there for Katie."

"She's always said that," Castle remarked; "She said you always put her first."

"That's what mothers do," Johanna murmured as she added a little more dressing to her salad.

"Do you think it's easier to be a lawyer in this day and age compared to the 70s?" he asked.

"I think that's kind of a double edged sword, Rick; it's not easy in any decade. On one hand, the technological advances of today does make a lot of things easier; but on the other hand, privacy laws are also tighter because of those advances, which can be an added difficulty. In the 70s there were things you could dig into that you didn't need a court order for but today you need one for just about everything. The law is always changing; the lawyer I was when I started out in the 70s wasn't the same lawyer I was in the 90s. It wasn't that I had changed; it was that times had changed and I had to evolve with them to keep up with the job. Laws change, technology advances; there are certain rules and regulations, more paperwork; you have to keep up or you'll drown."

He nodded; wondering if she'd be suspicious if he took notes. He figured thought that it wouldn't hurt to ask; she seemed to be at ease. "Do you mind if I take a few notes about the things you're telling me?"

Johanna shook her head. "I don't care; I'm not sure I'm being very helpful though."

"No, you are; it's interesting," he stated. "Something that comes to mind when I see shows that portray lawyers is that the lawyer in question works one case at a time, or at least that's what we're allowed to see. I know it's not like that in reality…"

"Definitely not," she laughed. "If it was, the court system would be even more backed up than it is now."

Castle chuckled lightly. "That's true. My question though is back when you were starting out, how did you juggle your case load?"

"Well, the first thing you have to remember is that it isn't a job that's done alone. It helps to have a good secretary; Sharon was a great asset to have. She of course managed the office and my schedule; but she was also a part of the deposition taking process, she filed court documents, collected information that was brought in for me when I wasn't in the office. She helped keep things organized, made phone calls; anything I needed that she was capable of taking on, she did. For me, when it came to juggling multiple cases, it helped to set a certain block of time to work on each one; if I had a client coming in about Case A at ten, then I spent my first hours in the office working on that case and making sure I was ready for that meeting. Then I'd work on the next one and so on. If I was in court all day, then I worked on the most urgent one at home. You just learn to manage your time and delegate tasks. If I was stuck on something, I'd ask Jim to look over it, if he couldn't, Maggie might take a look or Jeff and I did the same for them. If I was working on a case with a colleague, like a lot of times in the early years, I worked on cases with Jim; we'd make a list of tasks and divide it up between us and we'd divide up the list of items our secretaries could handle; it made it an easier, smoother process."

Castle was scribbling notes across his page as quickly as he could. "Did you ever encounter times when there was information you needed to get that you couldn't take the risk of looking for yourself?"

"What do you mean by risk?" Johanna asked.

"Like if you needed information from a certain place but you knew they wouldn't give it to you because they knew you were a lawyer; or even just something you weren't sure how to go about collecting and maybe you were up against the clock? Things like that…does that make sense?"

She nodded. "Yeah; I know what you mean now. Every lawyer has those occasions; that's when it's good to know a discreet, capable private investigator."

"So television doesn't exaggerate that?"

"No; we do use them; but on that note, we also make sure they're properly licensed so that any evidence they bring in can't be thrown out of court."

"Good point, I hadn't thought of that."

Johanna eyed him. "Is your new character a private investigator?"

"Still can't tell you."

"I know; legalities."

"Right," he remarked; "Now; tell me, 1970s…probably a lot of harassment, right?"

"Oh yeah, all kinds," Johanna said with a nod, reaching for her glass and realizing it was empty.

"I'll get you another drink," Castle said, signaling for the waiter, he didn't want to give her a chance to end the conversation when they were doing so well.

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind; I'll get another drink too," he said as Fredrick, their waiter approached.

"Something else, Mr. Castle?" he asked.

"Can we have our drinks refilled, Fredrick?"

"Of course, I'll be right back," the waiter said as he collected their glasses.

"While we wait on our drinks, my character is a woman so I'm guessing she's going to get a taste of harassment in the work place."

"If she's a woman in the 70s she is," Johanna replied; "Not that it doesn't still happen today, but I think it was more rampant and accepted back then."

"In your case; was it colleagues or clients…or both?"

"Both," she answered.

"Did you suffer from a lot of harassment?"

"It depended on what day it was," she replied.

"Can you elaborate on that for me; because I want to be authentic to the era," Castle explained.

Johanna swallowed the bite of her salad she had taken and busied her fingers with opening the small pack of crackers that had came with her salad. "In those days there were still men who didn't believe that women belonged in the legal field. I admit, most of those men were from the same era as my father but there were also men in my age range that felt the same way. I had some clients who upon first glance at me, said I was more suited to be a cocktail waitress or a hairdresser. There was a time when I was working on a case with Jim and we were working for this pompous jackass who thought he owned our personal time after business hours. He would call a meeting every day after court and it was the same thing over and over. My first nephew was born during that case and I could never get to the hospital in time to see him because of that client. One day I got fed up with the nonsense of these meetings and said I wasn't going. He told me that whatever date I had could wait and I said it wasn't anything like that; that I wanted to go meet my newborn nephew."

"How did he take that?"

"Not well; he said it was an example of why women shouldn't be lawyers; that if I wanted to play house with a baby, I should go get married, have my own babies and stay home where I belonged. I ended up going to the meeting because he threatened to tell my boss. He made life hell for the rest of the case. Another time I worked on a case with Jim, the client said I was a distraction; that I wasn't good enough; that I had probably slept with someone to get my job. If I lost a case, I'd some clients would say that if it had been handled by a man, the outcome would've been different. I had male clients who requested dinner meetings and then thought they could ask for way more than legal advice."

Castle's brow rose. "Seriously?"

She nodded. "Yeah; I had two of those my first year…one wanted to keep demanding those 'meetings' so I went to Roche and asked him to give him to someone else; which he did, thankfully. The other one only had to feel the heel of my shoe grinding into his foot to get the message that I wasn't going to be anything but what I was hired to be."

"Did you ever wonder if you made a mistake getting into that business?"

Johanna nodded. "Many times…but I stuck with it."

"What kind of things did you deal with in regard to male colleagues?" Castle asked.

"A lot of pinching, a lot of name calling, a lot of hands trying to get where they didn't belong…Charles alone would fill up one whole notebook for you."

"Charles?" he asked.

"Charles Patterson; womanizer, jerk, disgrace to the legal profession," Johanna remarked. "We called him the octopus."

Castle's brow rose, a snort of laughter spilling from his lips. "The octopus?"

"Mhmm."

"Why?"

"Because it seemed like no matter how many hands you were slapping away, he always had another one trying to get up your skirt or your blouse. I threw my coffee in his face one day for putting his hands on me."

"Did he leave you alone after that?"

"No; that wasn't even my first experience with him. I tried to slap him once but he was used to that and blocked me…I jammed my heel down on his foot."

"I'm starting to understand why I rarely see you without heels."

Johanna nodded. "They come in handy sometimes…but mostly I just like them."

He smiled. "Like mother, like daughter."

"You should've seen all the shoes I bought Katie when she was a baby…I still have some of them."

"I imagine that you kept her closet well stocked."

"Definitely."

"Getting back to the octopus," Castle remarked; "He was like this to all the women in the building?"

"Pretty much; he's been kicked, slapped, punched, had hot liquid thrown in his face, and it never deterred him. We'd turn him in upstairs; they'd have a so called chat with him, he'd cool his heels for a few days and be right back at it. The same with a few others. Of course it was always made out to be our fault; we were overreacting, or one of them would claim that the woman came on to them, or we'd be blamed for enticing the men."

"Enticing?"

"Yeah," Johanna replied. "There was a time when I was working a case with Jim and Antonio and Jim was being very competitive with Antonio and very jealous because I went to a few business lunches with the man, and before you ask, Jim and I weren't dating at the time…"

"But he had already laid claim to you in his mind?"

"Yes; and he didn't want me having lunch with any man that wasn't him. It wasn't a good time for us during those days of working that case; the bickering and jealousy and the competition got to be a little much, I went off on both of them and went upstairs and told Roche I was taking myself off the case. While I had his attention, I decided to tell him about all the men in the office because I was fed up with everyone that week. He made a statement about my colleagues being like every other man in the world and how could they not be tempted; I had a pretty face and look at how I dressed…"

"How you were dressed?" Castle repeated. "This sounds so wrong to ask my mother-in-law but what were you wearing?"

She smiled a little. "I was wearing a skirt and a sweater…the thin kind I always wear in winter, you've probably seen me in a similar one."

He thought for a moment. "Like the lavender one you wore to my last book signing?"

"Yes; and the hem of the skirt I was wearing that day was right above my knee, but it was fitted, I believe they term it a pencil skirt…so apparently that and the sweater were taken as me showing off my figure which made any harassment my fault."

"So your boss didn't do anything about it?"

"Eventually during that confrontation he decided to take me seriously instead of continuing with the opinion that I was a hysterical female. He asked for a list of names so he could talk to those people; I gave him plenty of names…I wasn't very popular for a week or two after that but it had to be done…not that did much good; they stopped for a few days and then get back to what they usually do. Charles always liked coming after me, not only because he hadn't checked me off his book, but because he hated Jim."

Castle nodded. "I get the idea."

"Then there was Stanley…he's a cross between a weasel and goon."

Castle had to spit his drink back into his glass to keep from choking as he laughed. "Weasel and goon; I so want to use that," he said as he scribbled the words down. "What was Stanley's issue?"

"What isn't Stanley's issue?" Johanna replied. "He used to stand in front of a mirror in his office and give himself pep talks."

"Seriously!" he laughed.

"Oh yeah; Jeff was the first to catch him doing that. Stanley thinks he's king of the world…really he's only king of jackasses. He always hated me; I called him out for botching a case and it pretty much put a target on my back. He called me all kinds of names, said I'd never amount to anything in that firm. I had to work on another case with him and he literally blew our case just to humiliate me by allowing me to call a witness who told him that morning that she was recanting her testimony if is she was called. He didn't inform me of that; he let me call her and the whole thing crashed and burned and he had a big laugh about it. He found out I was afraid of heights and tormented me all through a fourth of July picnic."

"Sounds like a real prince."

"Yeah…now he's a senior partner of the firm. I'm still sorry I wasn't at the bar the night Jim punched him in the face."

He smiled. "I think I recall hearing about that fight one day when you were living with Kate."

Johanna nodded. "I finally found out what that fight was about."

"I thought Jim wouldn't tell you."

"He won't; and he doesn't know that I know now; but Maggie got it out of Jeff long ago and finally confessed."

"What is it about?" Castle asked; "I promise I won't tell him."

"Well Jim was already pissed at Stanley for humiliating me in court that week and making a big joke out of me; apparently a lot was said about that and somewhere along the way, he called me a whore and Jim punched him."

"Good for Jim," he remarked.

"I just wish I could've seen it," she said wistfully. "Stanley's best friend Steve was also an ass; he and Charles tried to get Jim to take a bribe to throw a case once."

Castle flipped to a clean page in his notebook. "What happened with that?"

"Jim turned them in to the boss and they were suspended for awhile. Charles, Steve and Stanley were never above some shady dealing."

"Shady dealing," Castle repeated as he wrote the words in his notebook. "Can you give me some other examples besides bribes?"

Johanna listed some things that she recalled various colleagues getting into trouble for and then told him about some other issues that had plagued her law firm in the 70s. She watched as he jotted down phrases or keywords, underlining certain points, his scrawl somewhat messy as he hurried to fill lines. "Am I being helpful?" she asked.

He nodded. "It's a gold mine of information; I might want to ask more about your experiences at another lunch if that's okay."

"I don't have a problem with that…are you going to be able to read all of that; it looks a little messy…no offense."

"None taken, but I'm used to reading the mess of quick writing," he said with a grin.

"It's a good thing," she said lightly.

Castle was about to close his notebook and allow the rest to wait until another day but a thought struck him and he decided to run with it. "One more thing, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind."

"After work; did colleagues get together; if so what kind of atmosphere did you seek? Although it's probably silly to ask if you got together, how else would you and Jim have created such a deep relationship?"

She laughed softly. "The law firm seemed to be split into little clusters of friends…kind of like high school when you think about it; but my little cluster did go out on Friday nights; we all went to Atlantic City together once too. We'd usually go to a bar because by the time Friday rolled around, everyone needed a drink. But once everyone started pairing off into couples, that dwindled and Fridays became date nights. Sometimes we'd all go out on another night; sometimes there were double dates, birthday parties that sort of thing. Oh and our firm always had parties; if there were several high dollar wins, they'd throw a party to celebrate; there was always a big gala in May; we had Christmas parties, fourth of July gatherings, New Year's Eve parties."

Castle hurriedly made note of those things. "While we're on the topic, any other law firm events?"

"The men always participated in a sporting event with the Devonshire firm; usually it was a basketball game but sometimes our firm would talk them into baseball."

"What was the sporting event for? Did it have a reason?"

"Charity," Johanna replied; "Proceeds were split between a charity that helped provide legal aid for those in need and a children's hospital."

"Both worthy causes," he remarked.

She gave a nod; her fingers toying with the edge of her napkin. "Those were good times."

"How about some dessert?" Castle asked; noting that their plates were empty. "I still have a few questions."

Johanna's gaze drifted across the room to the dessert case. "I guess a small piece of cake wouldn't hurt."

It felt like a small victory, Castle thought to himself as he waved Fredrick over and ordered them each a slice of a cake. He looked down at his notebook; the lines filled with notes and he thought he should probably save some questions for another time but he hated to stop when she was being so forthcoming…so relaxed and at ease. She liked to remember the past…her glory days, he supposed. She had been in control then, even if she hadn't known it at the time…and suddenly it struck him that maybe she still felt at odds and ends at times; like she didn't have the control over things that she'd like. Unfortunate circumstances had made her wary…they had helped her build walls; and the people in her universe had handed her the locks to put on the doors that were set into those walls.

Johanna and Kate weren't as different as they thought, he mused; the difference was in how to break through. It had taken time to find a way with Kate but he had prevailed. He was starting to get a semblance of an idea of what might be required for Johanna. Hope wasn't lost; he could bring her around.

"What's your next question?" Johanna asked, breaking into his thoughts as Fredrick put their dessert on the table and left them alone.

Castle quickly shook off his reverie and gave his attention back to her. "A lot of places, even back then, had policies against co-workers dating. Did your firm have that policy at any time? Did you and Jim or your friends Jeff and Maggie have to hide your relationship status for awhile?"

"No; Roche always said he'd have to be a fool to try and enforce a rule like that. That was the truth; the rule would've just made it more appealing."

He gave a nod. "So there was a lot of…fraternizing, so to speak?"

"Oh yeah," she laughed; "More than Temptation Lane."

"That's a lot of fraternizing."

"You don't know the half of it," Johanna remarked. "Roche thought Jim and I were together long before we were."

"How do you know that?"

"He mentioned it when I wanted off that case. He said that Jim and I needed to leave our lovers quarrels at home…but we weren't at that stage then."

"Maybe that was the problem," Castle quipped.

"I'm pretty sure it was," she agreed.

"So a lot of colleagues dated?"

"Yes; but there was a strict rule against so called fraternizing with clients...not that it stopped Melanie."

Castle smiled. "I'd probably need another notebook for Melanie."

Johanna scoffed. "You'd probably need a case of notebooks for Melanie…that conniving bitch," she stated as she stabbed her fork into her cake.

He chuckled lightly. "Where is she now?"

"Last I heard, she had picked up husband number six and was on a yacht in the Mediterranean."

"Seriously?! She found another husband?"

"Yes…and fittingly enough, he's a plastic surgeon," Johanna replied.

"Love at first liposuction?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Rumor has it she was in the market to have her eyes done once again. If she gets her skin pulled any tighter, they're going to be in the back of her head."

Castle couldn't help but laugh. "Well that would be unfortunate; then she'd see you coming if you ever got another chance to go after her."

"Oh I'd get her, trust me, I would."

"I have no doubt," he replied as he closed his notebook so that he could concentrate on his cake. "So, did you make a decision about me sitting in on your class?"

Johanna swallowed the bite of cake she had taken. "I suppose it'll be okay if you want to."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Great," he said with a smile. "What time should I come?"

"How about the class I have at ten? They're my favorite group."

"Okay; ten it is," he replied; still somewhat shocked that she had agreed.

"Rick?"

"Yes?"

"Don't take this personally but if you're in my class, you have to follow the same rules that my students follow," Johanna told him.

"That sounds reasonable," he said slowly; "But what exactly are those rules?"

"Rule number one is that I don't want to hear any ringtones going off in class. I don't demand that phones be off completely but I do want them on vibrate or silent…since Katie will be at work, I'd prefer you to just put yours on vibrate."

"No problem; I understand," Castle replied.

"I allow my kids to have some fun when the moment is right but I don't want constant distractions…that's rule number two."

"I won't distract the class, I promise."

"Okay; the rest of the classroom rules wouldn't reply to you; they're about deadlines and lateness and all that," Johanna remarked; "Just as long as you follow the first two, everything will be fine. I have an extra book in my classroom that I'll let you use so that you can follow along with what we're doing tomorrow."

He nodded. "Thank you; I appreciate it."

"You're welcome," she murmured.

"I won't make you regret it," he promised.

"I should hope not," Johanna replied. "I can text Katie at any moment and have her come collect you if you get unruly."

He almost made a sharp retort, instinctively taking the comment the wrong way but just in the nick of time he noticed the mischievous sparkle in her eyes and the hint of a smile playing on her lips. She was only teasing him; it was a good sign.

Castle smiled. "That wouldn't be pretty."

"No it wouldn't; her wrath can be vicious."

"Tell me about it," he quipped.

Johanna finished off her piece of cake and glanced at her watch. "I better be going; I need to finish my lesson plan for tomorrow. Thanks for lunch."

"You know the rule," Castle stated.

"I haven't gotten up, Rick."

"You're learning," he quipped as he signaled for the check.

* * *

Once the bill was paid, they made their way out of the restaurant and began the trek down the sidewalk.

"I think we had a much better lunch today," he remarked casually.

Johanna's head bobbed in agreement. "Much better than last time."

"Maybe it's a sign of changing tide," Castle remarked.

"Maybe…but we also didn't talk about anything on your list."

"True; but maybe an easier conversation in between the hard ones is the way to go about things? What do you think?" he asked.

"I suppose it could be…kind of like a reset button?"

"Yes," Castle remarked. "I'm willing to give it a try, are you?"

Johanna paused by the driver's side door of her car. "I guess so…does that mean we're adding a day to the calendar of lunches?"

"Maybe," he answered. "We could say that Thursdays can be used if needed and we don't have prior commitments."

"So what you're saying is that if a Tuesday lunch is bad, then we call for a Thursday to reset things to keep hard feelings at bay?" Johanna asked.

"Exactly…are you willing to do that?"

She thought about it for a moment and then gave a nod. "Yeah; I'll try."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear that. What about dinner tonight?"

"I'm still thinking about it."

"Okay," he said; not wanting to push his luck too much. "But if you want to come, just show up at 5:30 like I said."

"Alright," she replied as she unlocked the car door and pulled it open. "Have a nice day, Rick."

"You too; drive safely."

"I promise. Give Katie a good report."

"Okay; but you have to do the same," he quipped.

Johanna smiled. "Okay; this time I will."

He smiled as he took hold of her door. "We hope to see you tonight."

"We'll see," Johanna said as she put her key in the ignition.

Castle closed her door for her and then stepped back; returning the small wave she gave him before pulling into traffic. He felt like he was starting to breakthrough in small ways…but maybe he needed a grand gesture to bring around a bigger breakthrough in a quicker way. It was something he was going to have to think about.

* * *

"Do you think she'll come?" Castle asked as he handed the plates to Kate so that she could set the table.

"I don't know; I guess we'll see here shortly," Kate replied. "I haven't heard from her but you said you told her to just show up if she wants to come."

"I was hoping that would take the pressure off of her."

"I get that," his wife said with an indulgent smile. "Why are you getting uptight?"

"Because we had a successful lunch and I want to keep the momentum going."

"I understand that; but one good lunch doesn't mean you crank up the speed of things," Kate replied. "You'll send her running."

"Honestly, Richard; I don't know why you let her bother you so much," Martha remarked as she poured a glass of wine. "Why are you so intent on catering to her?"

"I'm not catering to her," he remarked.

"Fine; why are you sucking up to her?" his mother asked.

"I'm not."

"You are," she replied. "The question is still why?"

Castle sighed; mothers were apparently the bane of his existence. "I'm not sucking up; I'm healing the family."

"Uh huh," Martha said as she studied him. "Why?"

He dropped his arm around her. "Because we're going to be a happy family and your contribution would be greatly appreciated."

"Richard; some people just can't be changed and that woman seems to be one of them," his mother replied. "She doesn't like us; she thinks she's better than us and no matter what anyone does, she just doesn't seem moveable. She's far too stubborn. Why torment yourself seeking approval from someone who is clearly never going to give it to you?"

"Mother," he said, squeezing her shoulder. "If you're not going to be a part of the solution, then please, at least don't add to the problem."

"I'm not the one with a problem; Johanna is," she remarked as she pulled away from his grasp. "And we all know it."

Kate turned from the table to face them. "My mother isn't that bad and she doesn't think she's better than anyone. She likes both of you, she just believes that no one here besides me likes her and it makes her uneasy."

"I think it's just an excuse," Martha stated after another sip of wine. "We've never done anything to her."

"Actually, we have," Castle replied. "Does the wedding planning sessions ring a bell to you, Mother? The accusation that she was trying to steal your granddaughter? That misguided day you went to her door and called her ridiculous, among other things? Those are just your contributions by the way; my list is far longer and I don't have time to go into all of it; I'd like to get some writing done tonight."

"Then we should eat," his mother said; "We all know she isn't coming."

"We don't know that," Kate remarked; feeling like she had to defend her mother. She had hope that being home alone would inspire her to seek their company, especially with a successful lunch on the books for the day. She had hope and faith in her…and as they heard the distant sound of the elevator, they all held their breaths and waited to hear the sound of footsteps nearing their door.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 8

The sound of a pin dropping could be heard through the loft as the occupants listened for the sound of footsteps. Kate clutched the napkins she held tightly silently chanting "please, Mom; show them that you can do it…please." She detected the sound of heels against the floor outside the door and a moment later there was a soft knock on the door. She blew out a breath, a smile spreading across her lips as she and Castle both moved forward at the same time to answer the door; but Martha swept ahead of them, hurrying to beat them to it.

Martha pulled open the door with a flourish, her gaze raking over their visitor. "Well, look who finally decided to grace us with her presence," she declared as Johanna's gaze met hers.

"Martha," Johanna said, her fingers curling around the strap of her purse.

"Johanna," the redhead stated.

"Am I late?" she asked; doing her best to keep her tone neutral as she tried to glance around Martha to seek out her daughter.

"No, dear; we're just expiring from the shock that you've actually shown up on our doorstep."

"Mother," Castle said as he appeared and gently nudged Martha to the side, his hand reaching for Johanna's arm. "Please let her come in."

"You did say 5:30, didn't you?" Johanna asked as she met his gaze.

"I did; and it's 5:30 now, you're fine," he told her. "The pizza just got here a few minutes ago. Are you okay with pizza for dinner?"

"Of course," she replied; a touch of unease filling her but she tried to squash it as Kate moved in her direction. "Hi, Katie."

"I'm glad you came," Kate said as she wrapped her in a hug.

"I should've called to tell you for sure," Johanna murmured.

She shook her head. "It's fine; Castle told you to just show up. Do you want to take off your jacket and hang up your purse, stay awhile?"

Johanna gave a nod, telling herself that she didn't feel Martha's blue eyes burning into her back as she handed her purse over to Kate and then shrugged out of her jacket.

"It's good to see you wear this," Kate remarked as she took the sky blue leather jacket. "It looks good on you."

She smiled. "I do like it; it keeps me warm better than I thought it would."

"Good," her daughter replied as she made her way to the closet to put away Johanna's belongings. "Did Dad get to Albany safely?"

"Yes; but he's not coming home tonight as planned," Johanna replied; a blue note in her tone as she delivered the news.

"Why not?" Castle asked, inserting himself into the conversation.

"Some of the meetings they were to have today got pushed to tomorrow," she answered.

"Was Dad prepared to stay over?" Kate asked; nudging her mother to a chair at the table. "Castle told me that you said he was due back around eight tonight."

"He took a bag with him just in case; but when I talked to him before lunch it seemed like everything was still going according to schedule but that changed during the afternoon," she explained.

Castle carried the pizza box to the table as Martha followed along with her glass of wine and the bottle. "If you want, you could stay here with us tonight," he offered.

She gave him a small smile. "I appreciate that offer but I'll be fine at home…I will take you up on the offer you made at lunch though."

"What offer is that?" Martha asked.

"I told her that if she wanted to join us tonight that I'd follow her home and make sure everything was alright since she's by herself," Castle answered.

Martha's brow rose as she regarded Johanna. "Darling, if you're afraid to go home alone, perhaps you need to find another therapist; obviously he isn't doing you any good."

"Mother," Castle said sharply as he opened the box on the table and lifted out a slice of pizza to put on a plate.

"What? It's only the truth," the redhead replied. "She's been going for quite some time; you wouldn't think she'd be harboring such fears any longer."

Johanna's foot tapped against the floor under the table. "I suppose it is ridiculous," she murmured. "I'll be fine; no need to see me home."

"No," Kate stated as Castle put a piece of pizza on her plate. "Castle said he'd make sure you got home safely and that everything was alright and you're going to let him do it like you agreed…because I'll feel better that way."

"The boss has spoken," Castle quipped as he placed a slice of pizza on her plate.

"Apparently so," she replied with a hesitant smile.

"Like she's really upset about it," Martha muttered.

"Mother; you're a bit crabby today," he remarked as he served her next. "What's wrong? Did you realize you were wearing last year's Valentino instead of something from the new collection?"

"I'm not crabby," Martha replied. "I'm just joining in the conversation."

"Join in a better way."

"Fine; Johanna, would you like a glass of wine?"

"No, thank you."

"Our vintage isn't good enough for you?" the actress asked.

Johanna gave her an odd look. "Excuse me?"

"Well I just assumed it probably isn't up to your lofty standards; nothing we do seems to be," Martha remarked.

"I have never said that," Johanna retorted; "And if you'll recall, I have drank wine here before. I declined your offer because I'll be driving home later."

"I don't think one glass will hinder that ability."

"I don't like to take chances."

Martha gave a short laugh. "Perhaps you should've taken that stance earlier in life and saved everyone a lot of worry and trouble."

"Martha," Kate said sharply.

"Would you like a glass of wine, dear?" she asked, her gaze shifting toward Kate.

"No; the wine is all yours tonight, and I'll thank you to…"

"It's alright, Katie," Johanna interrupted. "I know all about how Martha feels about me and it's fine. I'm just glad she's never been overly cautious; if she had been wary of taking chances then we might not have gotten Rick and that would've been a shame. I'd miss his books and his sense of humor and the light he brings to your eyes."

"I would miss me too," Castle quipped. "Coke, Johanna?"

"Yes, please."

"Kate?" he asked.

"Sprite."

"Are you insinuating that I was a tramp?" Martha asked.

"No; I was insinuating that you didn't use birth control; but we're all in agreement that we're glad for it."

"Uh huh."

"Anyway," Castle said as he brought the drinks to the table. "How was everyone's day?"

"I was in court the majority of the day and I'll be back there tomorrow," Kate replied.

"That's what happens when you're the best detective in the business," her husband replied.

"I wouldn't mind so much if Ryan and Espo would cut back on their whining about it," she remarked with a smile. "I always feel like a preschool teacher when we're in court together; reminding them to be quiet, quit fidgeting, and whatever else comes to mind."

"How are they?" Johanna asked.

"They're fine," Kate replied. "Espo was just asking the other day when you're going to send some treats in."

"In order to do that, I'd need to know what everyone wants," Johanna told her. "Maybe you should run a poll."

"I'll run the poll," Castle stated. "My vote is for brownies."

"I'd rather have cupcakes," Kate remarked.

"I could always just make you your own batch of cupcakes, Katie," her mother replied; "No matter what the results are of the treat poll."

"Sounds good to me; I could eat one right now."

"You should've said something the other night; I would've made you some."

"Or you could go to the bakery and buy some," Martha commented. "It's faster."

"Faster doesn't always mean better," Johanna remarked. "We believe in homemade in my family."

"Of course," the redhead replied.

"Mother, do tell us about your day," Castle said. "Surely there's some reason for your less than Martha fabulous attitude tonight."

"It's nothing worth discussing."

"Come on; out with it."

Martha took another sip of wine. "Benjamin isn't coming to my opening night."

"Why not?" her son asked.

"Something about some convention. What on earth do bakers have a convention about?" Martha demanded to know. "I thought that Benjamin appreciated the theater; he is an actor after all."

"Not a very successful one," Castle remarked; "Which is why he owns a bakery…and while I can't be sure why bakers would have a convention, most professions do have those things so it's not really surprising. Did you Google it?"

"I had Alexis do it; there is a convention…but why is it more important than me?" she asked. "It's not every night that I open on Broadway."

'That's true; but to be fair, Ben has been to three other Broadway openings, Mother. I don't think you can claim that he doesn't care; the man is besotted."

She scoffed. "Then you'd think he'd be there for this opening. It's the one that matters the most to me."

"Couldn't he go to the dress rehearsal?" Johanna suggested. "Then he'd be the first to see you."

"It's not the same," Martha stated. "A baking convention; who wants to bake all the time…except for Johanna," she said, waving a hand in her direction.

"You don't seem to mind the baking when you're bringing home free pastries," Castle commented. "For the love of God, don't dump him…I'm accustomed to my free morning doughnut now."

"We all are," Kate agreed. "I'm sure he'll come to the second show, Martha. I know you want him to be there opening night but I think he's very supportive of your career…maybe you should be supportive of his."

"Ditch opening night and go to the convention?" she asked after swallowing another sip of wine.

"No; by being understanding that sometimes he has to do something for his career," Kate told her. "He loves you; I'm sure he doesn't like to disappoint you."

Martha grew quiet and Castle eyed her warily. "Anything else you'd like to share, Mother?"

"No; I don't know why I bothered to tell you in the first place. Of course you're going to take his side, you're both men and you want free doughnuts."

"I'm sure he'll make it up to you," Johanna said; hoping to show that she could be supportive. "Maybe he'll surprise you."

Her comment was ignored as Martha gave her attention to her food. Johanna suppressed a sigh; she didn't know what else to say or do and she had a feeling that the woman would love to use her to take her bad mood out on…which would only provoke her temper and make everything worse. She was trying to show that she could be better than she had been but it wasn't easy…she still felt out of place there, unwanted and unwelcome beneath Martha's cool blue gaze.

Kate could hear her mother's foot tapping beneath the table and she was desperate to put her at ease. "What did you do today, Mom?" she asked.

"I had lunch with your husband."

She smiled; she had gotten a recap from Castle about that but she could pretend to be oblivious. "How did it go this time?"

"I thought we did fine," Johanna replied; "What do you think, Rick?"

"We did really well," he said with a nod. "Johanna was nice enough to allow me to question her about law firms of the 70s."

"What on earth would you want to know about that for?" Martha asked.

"Research, Mother."

"Oh, darling; stick to what you know. People like excitement, like from cops and spies; the law will be very dry reading. Don't do that to yourself."

"The law isn't boring," Johanna retorted.

"Well it's not terribly exciting."

"Broadway isn't always exciting either."

"Even on its most dry run day, it's more exciting than practicing law…and teaching it."

"Alright, ladies," Castle said; "Let's not have this battle again. Both professions have their share of excitement."

Both mothers fell silent and Kate took it upon herself once to draw her mother out. "So you let him pick your brain?"

"I just told him about when I worked for Roche; at least some highlights. I don't know if it was much help but I did my best."

"It was a lot of help; why do you think I took notes?" he asked. "I did a little writing when I got home; I'm planning on more later."

"I'm glad it was useful information, Rick."

"He'll probably want more of your stories now that you let him coax you into it once," Kate said lightly.

Johanna smiled a little. "I don't mind…it's good to remember that decade."

Kate nodded. "Yeah; you and Dad love to stroll down that section of memory lane."

"That's because it was the decade of us," she quipped; "We closed it out by bringing you into the world…although I was starting to think that maybe you had plans to stay in the womb until 1980."

She laughed. "I was out before Thanksgiving…but maybe I was comfortable in there."

"I'm glad you were," Johanna said with a laugh; "Because that last month wasn't very comfortable for me."

"Speaking of the 70s," Castle said; thinking maybe it was best to avoid pregnancy talk; "What was your favorite fashion item of the decade, Johanna."

"Go Go boots," she answered with hesitation. "I loved those; I had a pair in white and a pair in black."

"You didn't wear those to work, did you?" he asked.

"No; I wore heels to work. If I could've gotten away with wearing those certain boots once in awhile, I would have."

"What about you, Mother?" Castle inquired. "Any favorites from the decade?"

"I preferred the 80s," Martha remarked.

"Of course," he muttered; a feeling of exasperation growing in his gut. Why did he have to be tormented by one mother or the other? Why couldn't he have known ahead of time that his mother was in the foulest mood he had seen her in since her last divorce? He blew out a breath; whoever invented family dinners needed to appear in one of his books as a victim. Even if he had to write some sort of time traveling murder mystery novel to make it happen.

A tense silence fell over the table, with the exception of Johanna's foot tapping against the floor. Her tendency to tap her foot when nervous drove Castle crazy but he couldn't bring himself to say a word about it; how could he when he didn't blame her for feeling out of place in the face of his mother's bad mood and the apparent lack of comfortable dinner topics to discuss. She had shown up…it should've been their job to take the ball and run with it and yet they all seemed to be floundering. He doubted that she'd be back anytime soon.

"Must you do that?" Martha asked; her gaze upon Johanna.

"Do what?" Johanna asked.

"Tap your foot; it's grating on the nerves, dear."

Sometimes she was so focused on what was going on around her or dwelling on what wasn't happening that she didn't notice that she'd slip into that nervous happen of tapping her foot against the floor until it was brought to her attention. She forced her foot to be still and gave the actress an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry; I didn't realize I was doing it. It's a habit that I've had since I was a child."

"I believe the proper term is a nervous habit," Martha stated. "I don't know what you're nervous about; were not going to hold you hostage."

"I never said you were."

"Does anyone want seconds?" Castle asked as he opened the pizza box once again.

Martha was still nibbling at her first piece but the other occupants of the table accepted a second piece and silence fell once more until the door of the loft opened and Alexis breezed in.

"Hi, pumpkin," Castle called out to her.

"Hey, Dad; what's for dinner?"

"Pizza," he answered. "Grab a plate and join us."

Alexis moved into the kitchen and grabbed a plate from the cupboard and headed toward the table but faltered when she saw Johanna in the seat next to Johanna.

"Hello, Alexis," Johanna said as she met her gaze; her foot tapping for a second before she caught herself and forced herself to stop.

Alexis gave a hesitant smile. "Mrs. Beckett."

Johanna forced herself not to react to the formal address; Alexis had finally started to call her by her first name before the fallout of their friendship. She had quickly been demoted back down to "Mrs. Beckett". She felt like she couldn't ask her to go back to calling her by her first name again…there was a boundary line firmly in place now and she had to remain behind it where she had been placed.

"How's school?" she allowed herself to ask; figuring that polite interest surely wouldn't step on anyone's toes.

"It's fine," Alexis replied, her gaze studiously on the pizza box that she was opening.

"That's good," Johanna murmured, seeing the tension in the girl's body language.

"Didn't you have a test today?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I think I did well but I need to study for my chemistry test so I'm going to head upstairs and get started," she said as she quickly kissed Martha's cheek and then Castle's.

"You just got home," Castle said; "Eat with us first; we have company."

"I really have to study, Dad," she declared as she hurried away. "This test is half my grade."

Johanna sighed, if she hadn't been there, Alexis would've ate with her family before studying…if she really did need to study; but knowing Alexis, she most likely did have a test to concentrate on.

Castle's gaze shifted toward his mother-in-law. "She gets a little tense before a big test."

"She's tense because you didn't tell her about our dinner guest," Martha remarked.

"I'm sure that's not the case," Castle remarked.

"I'm pretty sure it plays a role," Martha replied. "That was a very nasty fallout several months ago. You probably should've sent her a text to give her a heads up."

"I didn't realize that I had the plague and that the public needed notified of the danger," Johanna remarked.

Martha took a sip of wine. "Well, darling, you have to know that your history of behavior is less than stellar. You want to blame everyone but yourself for it but it's on you."

"Not all of it," Kate interjected. "You're no saint yourself, Martha; so don't act like you're superior because you're not."

The actress smiled. "I can't wait to find out what the two of you want from her…because a few months ago you were both saying how peaceful it was that she was in London."

"We never said that," Castle remarked.

"Now, Richard; you know you did."

"It's alright if you did," Johanna remarked. "I found London quite peaceful as well...no wedding planning, no lack of respect…no overly dramatic actresses that think the whole world is their stage and they're the director, star and producer. Yes, London was very peaceful…perhaps you should make a trip there, Martha. I'm sure there's some show over there somewhere waiting on you to tell them how to do it right."

"What's the supposed to mean?" Martha asked.

Johanna met her eye. "I think you know…and if you don't at the moment, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually."

"I've got you figured out, Johanna; I can spot your game a mile away."

Johanna smiled. "No, I don't think you do have me figured out; there have only been two people capable of that feat; one is lying beneath a stone marked Naomi McKenzie and the other is spending the night in Albany. Trust me, you're not my mother and you're not my husband. I don't purport to know how your mind works and I'll thank you not to think you know it all about mine, because you don't."

The two women stared at each other for a tense moment before Martha shifted her gaze to her wine glass and brought it to her lips for a sip.

Johanna cast her gaze toward her daughter, looking to see how much anger would be upon her daughter's features but she found none, just an apologetic smile of Kate's lips as she bumped her foot with her own. Johanna curled her fingers around her daughter's wrist and gave it a gentle squeeze, letting her know that she was fine.

Castle blew out a breath as he looked at the occupants of the table. "Aren't family dinners fun?" he asked.

The women of the table glanced at him but remained silent and he grimaced slightly, thinking that maybe he shouldn't have voiced that opinion aloud.

* * *

When dinner was finished, Johanna reminded herself not to offer to clean up. Her need to adhere to her childhood teachings weren't worth the reactions it always seemed to provoke. It felt rude not to offer…but she could handle that better than the Suzy Homemaker jokes for the moment.

"Mom," Kate said, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Sorry, Katie; I guess my thoughts drifted," Johanna replied.

"You okay?"

"Yeah; I was just thinking about my class tomorrow," she lied. "We're starting the first case they're going to run through."

"I guess Rick picked a good time to want to sit in for research," her daughter replied.

"Yeah; I guess so."

"Do you want to watch Temptation Lane with me?" Kate asked, hoping to keep her mother from making a quick escape now that dinner was over.

Johanna had planned on heading home but if Katie wanted her to stay awhile longer she wouldn't refuse her. She couldn't shake the vibe that her daughter needed her…that there was some pull there, something her child hadn't expressed but was felt. She wondered if it had to do with their talk on Tuesday night when she felt like Kate was hinting that she was trying to start her family. Maybe she was worried about how long it might take or if it would happen…maybe she needed that quiet support that only a mother could give.

"Yeah; I'd like that…I always like when we get to watch it together," she answered.

Kate smiled. "Me too…reminds me of sick days and snow days when we'd both be home. Those were always good days…even the ones when we weren't feeling our best."

"Those were good days," she agreed. "I'm glad it's still on so we can still watch it together once in awhile."

Kate picked up her glass of Sprite and held out her hand. "Then let's go carry on our family tradition."

She smiled as she rose from her chair, grabbing her soda as she did so. "Aren't you going to wash the dishes?" Martha asked as she poured yet another glass of wine.

Johanna faltered for a moment; so much for hoping to avoid that issue. "I can if you want me to," she replied. "I don't have an issue with doing it."

"You may as well," Martha replied. "We wouldn't want you losing sleep over our dishes not being hand washed. Honestly; I could never fit the typical housewife mold."

"Maybe that's why you're divorced," Johanna said before she could stop herself.

Castle rose from the table. "How about I take care of the dishes; Johanna, you watch your show with Kate; and Mother, you lay off the wine for the rest of the evening; because when you drink when you're angry, you become mean Martha and she's no fun."

"Oh, Richard; who are you fooling?" his mother said. "We all know you're trying to suck up to Johanna although I don't know why. That's why you gave your little 'make her feel comfortable' speech when you told us that you invited her. Like it's our fault she acts the way she does. Johanna, let me give you a little unsolicited advice, darling; if you want to be comfortable in other people's homes, don't act like a snob."

"Martha," Kate said tartly as she stepped toward the table and snatched the nearly empty bottle of wine. "That's enough."

"I'm just telling her the truth."

Johanna smiled as she nodded. "Well, since you're such a fan of so called unsolicited advice, Martha, dear; if you want to hold on to a man, you have to show some interest in their career and hobbies…a little understanding and compassion; because when you don't, you just look very selfish and like nothing they have is as important as what you have. Men don't like that…and that's just the truth."

"Okay," Castle said, clapping his hands together. "That officially ends our dining segment of the evening; ladies, please go to your neutral corners."

"Sorry, Rick," Johanna replied; "I shouldn't have said that."

"I feel like you were justifiably provoked this time so we'll just say you're both even and move on," he told her as he took the bottle from Kate's hand.

"Come on," Kate said as she slipped her hand into her mother's. "Let's go watch our show."

"Maybe I should go home instead," she murmured as her daughter pulled her along with her.

"No; you're staying here and watching the show with me like you said you would."

"But Martha…"

"Martha's drunk," Kate stated; "And it's not her usual happy kind of tipsy. She's pissed off at Ben and wants to take it out on someone and she picked a bottle of wine and you…and I am sorry about that; I'm sure it's not what Rick had in mind when he invited you over."

"I know…I think my presence made Alexis uncomfortable too though."

"She'll get over it," Kate said; "This is my home too and I want you here, everything is fine."

"Okay," she murmured, remembering that feeling that her daughter needed her. "If you say everything is fine, then everything is fine."

"It is," her daughter replied, nudging her toward the sofa so that they could settle down together. "You'll feel better about it after we watch our show…and if you'd change your mind and would want to stay here tonight, you can."

"I appreciate the offer, sweetheart; but I can't stay this time. I have to work tomorrow and I don't have what I need to leave from here in the morning."

"Alright," Kate said, taking her hand for a moment and giving it a squeeze. "But if you need me, call…I know you don't like being alone at night."

"I'm totally alone; Scarlett's there," Johanna replied with a smile; recalling her son-in-law's statement earlier that day.

"Yeah, but I'm more fun than she is."

"Oh I don't know; I never could get you to chase a piece of string across the floor," her mother quipped, amusement sparkling in her eyes.

"Maybe not," she laughed; "But that's because we were busy playing Barbies and tea party."

Johanna nodded. "True."

Kate smiled and gave her attention to the television, locating her episode of Temptation Lane on the DVR. She could sense the unease in her mother's body and she wasn't sure how to go about making that feeling go away. Truth be told; she was surprised that she had really came on her own…that she agreed to stay for the show without much coaxing. Martha's bad mood had kept things off balance…but at least she was trying and that had to mean that Rick was making some small progress.

Johanna leaned back against the sofa with a soft sigh that she hoped her daughter hadn't heard. Martha had made it easy to remember why she didn't like to come to her daughter's home…too much bad blood and no way out of it. She could admit to herself that when she had been driving over, she had hoped that Martha would be out for the evening…but of course that wish hadn't been granted. She had gone in with good intentions; wanting only to show that she could give the effort that everyone claimed she lacked. She wanted to prove to Rick that she could accept and invitation without her husband along…that she did want to see her daughter in her home. She just hadn't anticipated that Martha would so obviously be spoiling for a fight…and she had that terrible habit of having to fight back when provoked…and Martha always easily provoked her.

She suppressed another sigh as Kate finally turned on their show. Alexis was still hiding upstairs and she figured she'd stay there until after she was on her way home. It stung a little…and it felt silly to be hurt by it. She wasn't anything to the girl…she had made her peace with the fact that she was to have no role in her life; that was just the way it was now. But still…it wasn't all that pleasant of a thought.

Of course it was hard to have pleasant thoughts when you had just set through a very tense, awkward feeling dinner, where no one had known what to say or do…with the exception of Martha who was only interested on inflicting her bad mood upon everyone. She knew she should've stayed home…but to do so would've looked like she was still being distance and all of those other things she was accused of being.

Some days she was just damned if she did and damned if she didn't.

* * *

After watching that day's episode of Temptation Lane, Johanna allowed Kate to coax her into staying awhile longer, watching some sitcom they found on TV as they continued to talk. Rick had retreated to his office after cleaning up from dinner, saying he'd let them have their girl time alone as he wanted to do some writing anyway before she was ready to go. Martha had retreated upstairs as soon as her son had headed for his office and Alexis hadn't reappeared from the sanctuary of her bedroom.

"What's on your mind?" Kate murmured, flicking her arm softly.

"What is with you and flicking me?" Johanna asked as she flicked her daughter in return.

She shrugged, a grin tugging at her lips. "It's fun."

"Uh huh."

"It is, trust me. But what's on your mind, you seem awfully pensive all of a sudden."

"Nothing worth discussing."

"Tell me anyway."

"I feel like I haven't done a good job tonight I guess," Johanna sighed. "You know I can't keep my mouth shut when I feel provoked."

"I'm pretty sure that's an inherited trait," Kate remarked; "But you let a lot of Martha's comments go tonight, I know you didn't want to fight with her…but I have a feeling that tonight she'd fight with anyone if it pleased her to do so."

"That's probably true; she was swimming pretty deep in that bottle."

She nodded. "It's been a long time since she's done that."

"Hopefully she'll work it out with her boyfriend and go back to her normal self."

"I hope it doesn't drag out too long…if it does, Rick will have to turn on that digital lock on the liquor cabinet that only we know the code for."

"She could always go out and buy her own bottle though."

Kate shook her head. "She's not inclined to go out when she's brooding."

"That's probably for the best," Johanna remarked.

Kate was silent for a moment before shifting slightly to face her mother better. "Are you really okay with Castle setting in on your class tomorrow?" she whispered.

She nodded. "As long as he follows the rules like the rest of the kids."

"You're not doing it because you think I'll be mad if you say no, are you?"

"No."

"Are you doing it so he won't be mad and add to that list of lunch topics?"

"No."

'Then why?' she asked softly.

"I'm just trying to be nice, Katie…because to hear everyone tell it, I'm the major bitch of this family and it's not the distinction I like best."

"No one has said that."

"Maybe not in those exact words but it comes through," she replied. "I know I'm not innocent but I'm the one who seems to get the job of carrying all the blame…and that's okay; I've had a lot of practice at that thanks to your grandfather…but I'm not a fan of being enemy number one so I'm trying, Katie."

"I know you are…and I know it's not all that easy for you," her daughter said.

Johanna gave her a small smile and patted her knee. "Most things aren't; it seems to be my lot in life but it's alright, I learn to manage."

"Maybe we can do better than just managing," Kate said, giving in to the need to sink against her mother's side, her head falling against her shoulder.

Johanna leaned her head against her daughter's, her hand finding hers and curling around it. "Are you sure you're feeling better, sweetheart?" she asked. "You're still looking a little pale."

"I'm fine," she murmured; her secret weighing heavily on her mind. She didn't want her mother to worry that there was something wrong with her.

"I don't know if I believe that; I was watching you at dinner…you were hungry and yet at the same time, you occasionally looked like you might be regretting that you ate."

"It's just a touch of a virus," she lied; "It lingers."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor."

"I did; he said I'm fine; that it can take awhile to fully recover from a flu like virus."

"Yeah; well if you aren't feeling better by this time next week; you need to get a second opinion."

"Don't worry, I'm fine. It's not constantly lingering…it's just once in awhile," she said. "I think it depends on what I eat…I probably shouldn't have picked pizza tonight but I was craving it."

"You must be on an Italian kick this week," Johanna said with a laugh.

"It must be that side of my heritage stirring in the veins," she replied. "Best way to honor it is by eating the food of the culture."

"That's true; but maybe you should take a few days off work so you can get over whatever virus this is; being around all those germs probably isn't helping."

"I don't need to take time off; I'm fine."

Johanna sighed. "Alright; be stubborn."

"My Dad tells me that I get that from my mother."

"He lies," she remarked; "You get it from him."

"Maybe it's both of you."

Her mother nodded. "Highly probable."

"How come it's probable for me to be like both my parents but it's not probable for you to be like both of yours?"

"It just worked out that way," Johanna quipped.

"You'd think you'd be open to saying you're like both of them so you could blame Grandpa for a trait occasionally."

"You mean like you blame all your bad traits on me?"

"That's Dad's fault; he said they come from you."

"Throwing your father under the bus, shame on you," she teased lightly.

"He should be used to it," Kate laughed. "But you know, you never blame a bad trait on Grandma…how come?"

"Because she was perfect," Johanna murmured. "Any bad thing about me didn't come from her…she did her best; and I wanted so much to be just like her but I never could quite grasp how to do it."

"I like you the way you are…but I know how you feel; all I ever wanted was to be like you," she whispered; that feeling she had carried all of her life springing to new life once her pregnancy had been confirmed. She couldn't imagine a better example of motherhood than her own mother who had somehow managed to juggle family and career and made it look easy. She wasn't sure she'd be able to live up to the example…wasn't sure that she'd have her patience and understanding…her gift with children.

"I've got bad news for you, sweetheart," her mother replied quietly. "According to your father, you are like me."

"How is that bad news?"

"Because you should probably be more like him…he's always had it more together than I have."

Kate shifted so that she could look her in the eye. "You went out of town once for work and left me home with him…he forgot to have someone pick me up from the bus stop after school; I had to use the key you hid outside to get in the house…where I was then alone for hours until he came home and found me trying to cook macaroni and cheese. I was seven…he didn't have it together that day. He didn't have it together the next day either."

"What did he do the next day?"

"We overslept and I was late for school, he was late for work…I didn't get any breakfast…he forgot to give me lunch money. He didn't help me with my hair. My teacher asked me if there was something wrong at home."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her you had to go out of town for work and she said that explained it. He also bribed me for my silence so you wouldn't know how badly he didn't have it together."

Johanna sighed. "I had my suspicions that everything didn't run as smoothly as he claimed but I never knew how bad it was until you finally confessed a few years ago when I was living with you."

"Well at least you know he doesn't have it as together as you thought."

"Maybe not in that area; but in other aspects of life he's better at things than me."

"Not to hear him tell it," Kate remarked. "In his eyes, you're the one who has it all figured out."

"I think we're just good at figuring out each other," Johanna remarked.

'You've done fine tonight," her daughter assured.

"It was tense and awkward."

"Maybe one day it won't be…maybe we just need to practice."

"Any chance we could practice on a night when Martha isn't home?" Johanna asked quietly.

Kate laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

"It sounds terrible, doesn't it?"

"No…it's probably added pressure when you come to visit."

"Sometimes," Johanna admitted. "It reminds me of when my mother invited Colleen's in-laws to Thanksgiving dinner."

"It went bad?"

"According to what I heard it did," she remarked. "I bailed and went with your father to his parents house for dinner…which was also a mistake."

Kate glanced at her. "That's probably the Thanksgiving you got pecaned."

"Sure is…I usually just say poisoned but 'pecaned' has a good ring to it."

Her daughter laughed a little. "Maybe our family isn't good at the family dinner thing."

Johanna nodded. "It does seem that way. We must be cursed."

Kate took her hand. "We'll just have to reverse the curse."

She smiled and gave a nod as she'd be expected to do, but personally, Johanna wasn't sure that feat could be accomplished.

* * *

A short while later, Johanna glanced at her watch. "I better be getting home before it gets much later, Katie."

"I'll get Rick," Kate replied.

"He's working; we shouldn't disturb him. I'll be fine…I'll call when I get home."

"He said he'd go along…and you told him you'd take him up on that offer," her daughter stated. "If you change your mind now he'll think he did something or that it's because of Martha and he'll be up all night analyzing the cause. He'll keep me awake while he analyzes…and I need my sleep."

"I wish you had felt that way as a newborn," Johanna said lightly.

Kate smirked at her. "I stayed awake as a newborn so you could get all that mommy and me time that you could handle."

"Uh huh; I think you stayed awake because you were afraid you'd miss something."

"Maybe you just fascinated me."

Her mother laughed. "I remember one night when you were a month old; we were sitting in the kitchen in the middle of the night, waiting on the peppermint cake to bake because you were wide awake. I looked at you and said 'you hate me, don't you?' and you smiled…"

"I'm sure I only smiled because I thought you were being silly."

"Sure," Johanna quipped. "If that's your story."

"Just out of curiosity, how long did it take me to sleep through the night?"

"You were three months," her mother replied. "I woke up at five that morning and realized that you hadn't been up all night…and I went into panic mode thinking something must be wrong. I don't think I ever got up out of bed so fast in my life. I went running into your room and grabbed you up out of your crib and you were sound asleep…and then I woke you up with my crying."

"You cried?" Kate asked.

She nodded. "Yeah; I don't know exactly why…probably a mixture of relief that you were fine and had learned to sleep and my body being in shock that I had several hours of uninterrupted sleep…it was just one of those things."

Kate made a mental note to one day soon ask her mother how many of those types of things a woman could expect to have and remain in the realm of normal in the new mother scheme of things.

Johanna studied her daughter as she processed the information and she thought to herself that maybe she needed to be more careful when discussing babies and pregnancy. If Katie was thinking about starting a family, she didn't want to scare her with tales of sleep deprivation and mommy breakdowns; there'd be plenty of time to tell her about that when she became a mother. "Just so you know, the lack of sleep and the worry was worth it; I wouldn't trade a minute," she told her softly.

"I know that," her daughter replied. "I just hope that one day I'm as good at it as you always have been."

"You'll be wonderful," Johanna told her. "You just can't be too hard on yourself…and when you need help, you have to know that it's okay to ask for it and that it doesn't mean you're weak or bad at it or anything like that…just that sometimes you need back up."

Kate held her gaze. "One day…you'll be my back up, right?"

"I can promise you that," her mother said, leaning close to kiss her forehead. "Day or night; I'll walk out of work if I have to; I will come here in the middle of the night…like your grandmother did for me once the first time you were sick. I'll be here anytime you need me."

She nodded, doing her best to hold her emotions in check. "I'll get Rick so you can't get home…I'm sure Dad will be calling to say goodnight at some point."

"I hope so."

"I'm pretty sure it's a guarantee," Kate said as she got up and left the room to get her husband.

When she reached the office, she took a moment to study Castle as he worked; his fingers flying across the keys of his laptop. She smiled; noting that his brow was furrowed with concentration, pages of notes on the desk ready for a quick glance should he need them. She did hate to disturb him; she could always follow her mother home herself…but that wouldn't help Castle's cause…and he had volunteered. With that thought in mind, She knocked softly on the open door.

Castle's fingertips continued to dance across the keys as his gaze lifted to the doorway. "Is she ready?" he asked.

"Yeah; but I could go if you want to finish what you're doing."

He shook his head. "No; I made her a deal and I'll stick with it. Just give a minute to finish this scene and then I'll finish the chapter when I get back."

Kate smiled and gave him a nod and then moved back through the loft to where her mother was waiting. "He'll be out in a minute, he's finishing a scene."

Johanna got up from the sofa and followed her daughter to the closet to collect her belongings. "I hope the break won't keep him from getting back to his writing," she commented as Kate took her jacket from the closet and handed it to her.

"It won't; he seems to be in the zone today…it's good for him to take a break once in awhile."

She wasn't sure if her son-in-law would agree with that assessment but she wouldn't argue…she really did hate to go home alone in the dark. She was a grown woman; she shouldn't need someone to accompany her to feel safe…but she did…and if he wanted to do it, she'd let him; not only because she was trying to make the effort to be better but because she could feel safe if he saw her home.

"You okay?" Kate asked as she watched her zip up her jacket.

"Yeah; I'm fine," she answered; taking her purse and opening it to find her keys.

"You're sure you don't want to just stay here?"

Johanna nodded. "I'm sure; I've got to work tomorrow…and I wouldn't want your breakfast table to be as tense as your dinner table was tonight."

"It'll be different next time."

"It's okay if it's not," Johanna told her. "Give my regards to Broadway when she sobers up."

Kate laughed softly. "Mom."

She grinned. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"That's okay; that's kind of a good nickname for her."

"Yeah; but who knows what she'll come up with for me."

"You're ready to leave us already, Johanna?" Castle said as he made his way towards them.

"Yes, it's time that I get home," she answered. "Scarlett's probably lonely by now."

"We can't have that," he quipped as he took his coat from the closet.

"Make sure you tell fur ball that you were with me," Kate stated as she opened her arms to hug her mother.

"I told her before I left," Johanna said as she hugged her daughter tightly. "Thanks for dinner. It was good to see you again this week."

"It was good to see you too, I'm glad you came" she murmured, allowing herself to hang on to her for a few moments more. "I love you."

"I love you too," Johanna replied before kissing her cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know that your father got home safely."

"Okay," Kate said as she released her. "Make sure the doors are locked when you get home."

"I will."

"I'll make sure there aren't any monsters lurking," Castle said as he caught his wife's eye. "I won't leave until I make sure she's completely safe and sound."

She smiled at him. "I trust you to uphold your end of the deal."

He gave a nod. "I'll be back shortly."

Kate followed them to the door. "Goodnight, Mom."

"Goodnight, Katie," Johanna replied. "Take it easy this weekend so you can get over that virus you have."

"You have my word," she told her; catching Castle's gaze as she did so but his eyes quickly darted away as he opened the door for Johanna and gestured for her to go ahead of him.

* * *

Castle pulled in behind Johanna's car in the driveway, noting that she must've taken his advice and had left a light on as he could see light through the thin white curtain on the window of the back door. She had also left the dim porch light on as well. He shut off his car and got out, making his way to Johanna's door just as she opened it.

"Since you're here, Rick; I could unlock the garage and show you the Camaro," she offered; hoping it would serve as a small payment for following her home.

He smiled. "I'd like that."

She locked her car and made her way to the garage, Castle following behind her. "I'm afraid I won't be able to give you the technical specifics that Jim can," she said as she touched the keypad and put in the code that would make the door open. "But at least you can look at it."

"Jim can give me the technical aspects the next time I see him," he replied, following her into the garage.

Johanna clicked on the light and pushed the button on the wall to lower the garage door in case anyone was lurking around; she didn't want any of Jim's belongings stolen on her watch…or worse yet, something to happen to his prized Camaro. She moved to the car and pulled off the cover that Jim had put over it. "There she is," she announced.

"Oh wow," Castle said; his eyes moving over the car. "It's beautiful. Jim and his brother did a really nice job on this."

"It's their pride and joy," she replied.

"It's a 73 right?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; it's a 73…it's exactly like the one Jim had when we met; except this is a prettier shade of blue than Jim's original Camaro."

"This is a gorgeous color," he replied as he moved around the car, examining it. "It looks like the same shade that his new car is."

"It is; he loves that color…I guess you'd call it an ocean blue maybe?"

He gave a nod. "I believe so; can I open the door and get a better look inside?"

Johanna found the key on her key ring that Jim had given her and unlocked the car door. "You can sit in it if you want."

Castle eagerly slid into the driver's seat. "This is nice," he declared, looking over the black leather interior. His father-in-law had put a lot of time and money into restoring that old Camaro. "So this is the kind of car he had when you met?"

"Yeah…I call it Renee Jr," his mother-in-law said with a laugh.

"Renee?"

"Jim's first Camaro was named Renee…and she was blue; a sky blue to be exact. She was his baby…but he let me drive her sometimes even before we were dating."

"Really?"

"Mhmm," she murmured; a fond smile on her lips. "We had a lot of memories with Renee. Somewhere along the way, that first year we knew each other, he started offering to drive me to work and drive me back home…and by the time we were dating, he was driving me every day, unless we were fighting."

"You had to walk then?" Castle quipped.

"Yeah," Johanna laughed; "That was my punishment I suppose."

"Did he still have that car when you got married?"

She nodded. "We brought Katie home from the hospital in that car."

He smiled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…I guess you could say that Renee was with us for our milestone moments," she said with a smile. "Once Katie was here, we decided I needed my own car, especially when I was on maternity leave. So then Renee was back to being mostly just Jim's."

"How long did Jim have Renee?"

"Renee held on until 1986 and then the engine blew up…that was a long night," Johanna remarked.

"Did it leave you all stranded somewhere?"

"No; Renee loved us enough to die at home," she replied; "It was Jim's anguish that made the night long…it was like he lost a limb."

Castle laughed. "We have to have our cars, Johanna."

"Oh I know; you boys need your toys. But to tell you the truth; I was sad to see her go too…like I said, we had a lot of memories with that car."

"What did he get to replace it?"

"He got an Acura Legend; but he didn't like it…I liked it though; so after a year, he gave it to me and got a Buick…he wasn't crazy about it either."

"Why didn't he just get another Camaro?"

"He was having one of those 'I'm a family man, I should drive a family type car' moments. I kept telling him to get a Camaro but he wouldn't…I don't know, maybe he thought he was betraying his original Camaro; I'm not sure how you men deal with the loss of a favorite vehicle. Anyway, in 89, the Lexus came out and he liked it so he got one of those. I loved the Lexus."

"I think Kate told me that you had one when she was in high school."

"That's what I had when I had to leave," she replied; her gaze darting away from him. "Jim gave it to Katie; she totaled it."

"She didn't mention that."

"She hasn't mentioned it to me either," Johanna said; "And Jim's never given me the full story about it so I figure it's something I'm better off not knowing."

Castle nodded. "In that case, I'm not going to ask her about it…I'd be tempted to tell you."

"In that case, definitely don't ask."

"Deal. Has Jim taken you for a drive in this car yet?" he asked, his gaze studying the gauges on the dash.

"Yeah; he took me for a drive in it last weekend; it was like old times."

"Does it run good?" he questioned; his hands gripping the steering wheel, a part of him wishing he could take it for a test drive.

"Oh yes; it runs beautifully. Jim wouldn't accept anything else."

"Of course not," he said as he forced himself to get out of the car. "What's he going to do now that this project is finished? He might feel lost without it to work on."

"He won't," Johanna said as she picked up a corner of the car cover to cover it back up. "Andrew wants to get a 69 Mustang and restore it; they're all excited about it."

Castle grinned as he grabbed part of the cover and helped her put it back over the car. "How many cars do you think they'll end up with?"

"I don't know…but if he has to rent a garage at some point to keep them all in, then I never want to hear another word about my shoe collection," she declared.

He laughed as she opened the garage door and turned off the light. "Make sure this door is locked," he quipped. "I don't want anything happening to Renee Jr. because you let me in to take a look at her."

Johanna punched a code into the key pad outside the garage door. "It's taken care of, trust me, I don't want that happening either."

He followed her up the back steps to the back door, waiting as she unlocked the door. "I'll go in first," he told her; "I'll make sure the kitchen is fine."

She gave him a small smile and a nod, pushing open the door and standing back so that he could enter first. "Kitchen's clear," he said as she stepped inside and pushed the door shut.

"I know it's ridiculous to worry about it," Johanna remarked as she followed him through the kitchen and into the hallway.

"No; it's not ridiculous. You were right earlier; it's a dangerous world, you've had too many brushes and tonight you're alone…it wouldn't be normal if you weren't nervous," he said as he moved down the hallway and pushed open the door to the rarely used dining room and clicked on the light. The room was empty and he turned off the light and closed the door before crossing the hallway to the office. He repeated the same routine, walking into the room and making sure all was well.

With those rooms checked; he moved back up the hallway and headed for the living room, Johanna at his heels. She had left a lamp on in the living room and he scanned it quickly, finding nothing but Scarlett who got up from her bed and hurried to her owner's side with a meow.

"I'm home, Scarlett," Johanna said, leaning down to give her a pat. "I'm in for the night."

Seemingly satisfied with her owner's comments, Scarlett moved toward Castle and sniffed his shoes. "Hey, there, Scarlett," he said, bending down to pet her. "How are you doing tonight?"

The cat meowed at him and sniffed at his hands. "She's looking for a treat," Johanna told him. "She knows Katie brought food the other night so she assumes all guests bring food that they want to share with her."

He chuckled lightly and patted her. "Sorry; I don't have any treats today; maybe next time. Do you want me to check the upstairs?"

She hesitated for a moment but then nodded. "Yeah; if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," he replied as he rose and headed for the stairs.

Johanna followed behind him, watching as he stepped into the bathroom and flipped the light on and then moved down the hallway. He checked Kate's old room first and then the guest room before stepping into her bedroom and finding the light switch on the wall. He looked over the room, seeing that nothing seemed out of place and stepped back into the hallway.

"Good news, no monsters," he declared.

She gave him a small smile, still feeling ridiculous for the nerves she always had when she was alone at night. "Thank you for coming with me and making sure."

"It wasn't a problem," Castle said as they made their way back downstairs. "Are you going to be alright here alone?"

"I'll be fine…I'm here by myself all week when he goes on his hunting trip."

"But you don't like it."

Johanna shrugged. "It's not that I'm afraid to be here, I'm not…if I'm here all day and don't go out, it doesn't bother me. It's when I go out and come home in the dark by myself that it makes me nervous."

"You could always just come stay with us," he offered once again.

She shook her head. "I appreciate the offer but I'll be fine…I can't get in that habit and I don't want to leave Scarlett alone."

"You can bring her with you."

"We'll be fine," she said as she scooped up her pet who was rubbing against her leg with a purr. "Besides, I don't think Martha and Alexis would be thrilled with the arrangement."

So that's what it was, Castle thought to himself. It wasn't him this time that had made her uncomfortable in his home…it was the women of the household; with the exception of Kate. His mother had done an admirable job and confirming that she did indeed view Johanna as an adversary. He had to give Johanna credit though; she hadn't struck back as much as she could have.

"I'm sorry about, Mother," he said; "I guess her disagreement with Ben soured her mood for the foreseeable future."

"It's alright…Martha and I just have clashing personalities."

"You used to be friends though…or at the very least, friendly."

"Things happen," Johanna replied. "I don't want you to think I hold anything between your mother and I against you, because I don't…we just don't mesh well and I guess it makes dinners awkward."

"You did fine," Castle said. "We're just glad you came."

She nodded as she held Scarlett close to her chest. "I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but I wanted to show you that I am open to showing some effort."

Castle shifted on his feet. "I'm sorry that Alexis didn't say much to you when she came in…I see what you mean about that."

Johanna conjured up a small smile. "It's alright…maybe it's better that way."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she'll think twice about taking her problems outside of her immediate family next time. She'll go to you like she's supposed to or Martha…or her stepmother; hopefully she knows that Katie is always a good option if it's something she's uncomfortable sharing with you."

"But you're a part of her family too," he remarked.

"Not really," Johanna said; "And I'm not saying that to be mean…just that it would be different if she was a little girl; then there would be an obligation to fill a grandparent role; but she's in college and has a grandmother…she doesn't need me…and I have three classes full of college kids who want me to solve their dilemmas on occasion so…it's okay."

"If it was really okay, you wouldn't always look so hurt when it's mentioned," her son-in-law remarked.

"I can't deny that it was hurtful when all that happened…but it's always best to know your place when you accidentally step out of it."

"I see we're going to have to get back to our list topics very soon," Castle remarked.

"That's not as much fun as the 70s," Johanna replied.

He smiled. "Don't worry; I'm sure I'll have plenty of things to ask."

"You still won't give me any hints though?"

"Not yet."

"Fine, be that way."

Castle laughed. "I'll give you a nice note in the acknowledgements for your help with research."

She smirked at him. "Just keep in mind that I always read the acknowledgments first."

"That's good to know," he quipped. "I guess I better head home…if you need anything, give us a call."

"I will, thank you."

"Oh, and I'll see you in class tomorrow," Castle remarked as they drifted back to the kitchen so he could go out the back door.

"I'll be there," Johanna replied. "Don't be late."

"I usually made it a habit to be late to class but since it's you, I'll be there on time."

"Mother-in-law privilege?"

Castle grinned. "Sure is; see you thought there weren't perks to this job and there are."

"When do we get to the good ones?" she asked.

"As soon as we figure out what they are," he replied as he pulled open the back door. "Lock up; I'll see you tomorrow."

"I will, be careful getting home."

"I always am," Castle said as he stepped outside. "See you tomorrow."

Johanna said goodnight and closed and locked the door behind him. She shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair before grabbing her purse from the table and moving toward the fridge to grab a drink. "Come on, Scarlett; let's make sure the other door is locked and head upstairs for the rest of the evening."

The cat followed along with her, giving her the occasional meow as she made sure the house was locked up tight. "I know you're unhappy with me for being out so much today," Johanna said as she glanced down at her companion; "But it can't be helped. People have a low opinion of me and I have to do better apparently…even if it is awkward and uncomfortable."

* * *

Johanna had been settled into bed for the past hour, watching TV, when her phone rang on the nightstand. She reached for it, smiling as she saw Jim's name on the screen. "Hi, honey," she answered.

"Hey, sweetheart," Jim replied. "What are you doing?"

"Laying in bed, watching TV…missing you."

"I miss you too," he told her. "I'd much rather be home with you instead of in this hotel room."

She smiled. "Or I could be there with you…we've been known to have fun in hotel rooms."

"That's true," he chuckled. "Now I miss you even more."

Johanna laughed softly. "Did you get dinner?"

"Yeah; we were going to eat in the hotel dining room but then we saw the prices and decided to go out for fast food."

"That bad, huh?"

"Oh yeah; they even charge for water here. Zach said he'd rather starve if this was the only option."

"That's pretty bad," she replied. "Where did you two end up?"

"Burger King," Jim answered. "What did you have for dinner?"

"Pizza."

"Frozen, homemade, or delivery?"

"You know I wouldn't make homemade when you weren't here to share it with me," Johanna remarked. "It was delivery."

Jim was quiet for a moment. "You decided not to go to Katie's for dinner?"

"I went," she replied.

"You did? You were still undecided this afternoon."

"I know; but I'm trying to be better…I don't like always being made out to be the bad guy. Everyone has blame but I'm the one who always gets to carry the blame."

"I know," her husband murmured. "How did it go?"

Johanna sat up and propped her pillows up against the headboard before leaning back against them. "It was alright…Martha wasn't thrilled with my presence."

"What did she say?"

She gave him a synopsis of Martha's comments and her bad mood due to her boyfriend.

"Did Katie say anything to her?" Jim asked.

"She started to but I cut her off; I don't want to cause problems between them…especially since Katie has to live with her."

"Understandable; although you'd think she'd get her own place now that Katie and Rick are married."

"I know; but then she'd be alone and that isn't appealing when you're used to living with someone," she remarked. "She's probably better off being there where Rick can keep an eye on her…her last husband did run off with all of her money."

"That's true; she probably should stay there. Was Alexis there?"

"She came in, saw me, headed upstairs to eat her dinner."

"Hmm; the usual quick hi and bye and avoidance?"

"Yeah," Johanna said; "But I guess that's my fault though. I shouldn't have gotten involved."

"Sweetheart; you didn't seek her out. We found her outside our house; she had just gotten done tutoring that kid up the street. She was burn out, tired, lonely…she needed a friend. We didn't take her in to take over a role; we let her in because she needed someone that she wouldn't feel like she was disappointing. That first time she was there, all you did was feed her, offer the guest room for the night, which she took, and took that bag of laundry she was carrying around and washed it for her while she was asleep."

"I know."

"You didn't do anything wrong. All we did was offer her a place to come when she needed it; and she took us up on that offer on the days she tutored that kid. She didn't want to go home to that apartment of hers and be alone. She needed to talk and you listened, you counseled, you were encouraging her to go to Rick and tell him that she wanted to come home. She wasn't ready yet but she was getting there when he had his fit about all of it. Even Katie didn't like how all of that went down."

"I know; it's just…I don't know how to explain it. I guess it's just difficult because they want to act like I've never made an effort to be a part of things; that I've shunned his family and it's not true. I felt like Alexis and I were getting to know each other and that I was making a connection, although that wasn't my intent. My main intent was to make sure she was safe and okay and that she had someone willing to listen in the way she needed."

"I know you didn't have any ulterior motives in befriending Alexis; I liked having her around too…we were making her a part of our family and it was like that was frowned upon. I know how much it hurt you; that you weren't trying to be her parent or grandparent. You were just being her friend and now she barely even acknowledges you because she's probably afraid making trouble for you and herself," Jim remarked. 'That one isn't on you, Jo. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But that doesn't seem to make anything better, does it?"

"Maybe it will be one day," he replied. "I guess we'll have to find some way to manage. For the moment, Katie and Rick want us to be more involved, although we don't know why that's of sudden importance. We know Martha isn't a fan and that Alexis wants to keep her distance…so we'll just have to find some middle ground that makes everyone happy."

"By we you really mean me, right?" Johanna asked.

"No; we're a package deal as always," her husband replied. "You're just the one they're picking on."

"How did I get to be so special?" she quipped.

He gave a soft laugh. "You're just lucky."

"I've only really been lucky twice…when I caught you and when I got my little girl," she murmured.

"Three times," Jim replied; "When someone saved you so you could come back home to us."

She nodded, her hand holding onto to the phone a little tighter. "You're right; three times…three wishes come true."

"Everything will work out," he told her.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you're my girl…you always get where you need to be."

A small smile touched her lips as she swallowed back the emotion that swept over her at those words. "You're coming home tomorrow?" she murmured.

"I'll be home in time for dinner tomorrow, sweetheart; I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to it," Johanna said, forcing some lightness into her tone despite how much she missed him at that moment.

"You do that; I'll be there. Did you make sure the doors were locked?"

"Yeah; Rick followed me home and made sure everything was alright. I double checked all the locks after he left."

"I'm glad he followed you home and made sure everything was fine…I'm glad you let him."

"Well, you know I don't like to be out alone at night."

"I know."

"I showed him the Camaro; you'll have to fill him in on the technical aspects…you know I only get as far as the make and year."

Jim gave a quiet laugh. "What did he think of it?"

"He likes it; I think if you would've been here he would've asked to take it around the block."

"I'll make him a deal; he can drive it around the block if I can drive his Ferrari around the block."

"I'll mention that to him," she replied.

"You do that; it might make him a little more patient with you."

"Every little bit helps…but we did better today."

"Are you letting him in your class tomorrow?" Jim asked.

"Yeah…I didn't see any reason not to."

"Well that should prove that you're open to things like they want; shouldn't it?"

"I hope so," she replied. "What time is your first meeting tomorrow?"

"It's supposed to be at 8:30 and then the other one is at 12:30. We'll leave as soon as it's done. I'll let you know when we're heading back."

"Alright; I'm glad you'll be back tomorrow."

"Me too. Is Scarlett camped out in my spot?"

"No," Johanna replied with a laugh as she glanced across the room. "She's asleep on her blanket on the chair."

"Good; she remembers the rules," he quipped. "Although I'm glad she's keeping you company."

"She always does."

"I guess I better go so we both can get some sleep," Jim said reluctantly. "I'll call you before you leave for work."

"Alright; you boys behave yourselves."

"We'll try," he said lightly. "Don't work those kids too hard."

"Then what's the fun in going to work?" Johanna teased.

"Good point. Be careful in the morning."

"I will," she promised. "I'll let you know that I got to work safely."

"I appreciate that," Jim said honestly. "I love you."

"I love you too; goodnight, honey."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

They ended their call and Johanna laid her phone back on the nightstand before sliding back down in her spot, turning onto her side and pulling Jim's pillow close. She breathed in his scent, hating that he was away…hating that she was alone for the night. She couldn't dwell on those thoughts though; she had to keep her mind occupied with other things…like guessing the topic of Rick's next book and figuring out what he and Kate were up to…and trying to find that middle ground Jim spoke of. She blew out a breath; none of those thoughts would lull her to sleep anytime soon.

* * *

Castle was struck by a thought as he laid awake late that night. "I know what to do," he declared.

Kate flinched as the sound of his voice jolted her from the wave of sleep that had been pulling her under, making her frown. "What are you talking about, Rick?" she asked sleepily.

"I know how to win her over."

His wife rolled over to face him. "I thought you said it was a successful lunch today?"

"It was; we didn't discuss anything important but it was informative."

"It must've been; you took notes."

"Research."

"I know," she said with a sleepy smile. "You wrote a lot tonight…for both books."

"Was I neglecting you when I got home?" he teased.

"No; but I like to watch you work sometimes," she murmured. "You're so focused…it's like you're right there in their world with them, writing down everything they think or say or do. You're different when you're working; very quiet and still…except your fingers of course; they were flying across the keys tonight."

"It's a turn on, right?" Castle quipped.

Kate laughed softly. "Most things about you are."

"Only most?" he asked dramatically to make her laugh.

"That's the best answer you're going to get," she teased before turning serious. "I'm sorry about earlier…"

Castle shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry for, I understand that you aren't feeling well."

"I know you do," she sighed; "But when your husband is being romantic and you have to throw up, it makes you feel bad."

He gave her a smile. "At least you had to throw up before we got too far…if you had to throw up in the middle…"

Kate nodded. "That would've been worse."

"That would've boarded on tragedy," he quipped; "But I still would've understood."

She captured his lips in a soft kiss. "I know you would've…and most likely never let me live it down."

"True," he laughed.

She swatted his shoulder but moved into his arms. "So much for the term morning sickness."

"It does seem to bounce between morning and night. How are you feeling now?"

"Still nauseated but not as bad as earlier."

"Good…so do you want to hear about my idea."

Kate angled her head to glance up at him. "Probably not but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway."

"To win her over, I have to give her something that she doesn't have that she wants."

"We've got that covered," she replied; "She's just going to have to wait until May for delivery of her sought after grandchild."

"Yes; that's the big thing; I'm talking about something else."

"Castle, my mother doesn't want you to buy her off; she took the Coach gift card because I tipped her off and told her not to refuse it."

"No; I'm not talking about more gift cards…and so much for your claim that you can keep a secret."

"You didn't say it was a secret," Kate remarked. "So since grandchild is covered, although she doesn't know it yet, and you're not buying gift cards; what is it that you think she wants?"

"Her sister," he replied as if it was the simplest answer in the world.

Kate shifted, propping herself up on her elbow so that she could meet his eye. "Castle, no."

"What do you mean, no? You haven't even heard the idea."

"If it involves Colleen; it's a bad idea."

"No, it's not; your mother admitted that they have a small amount of contact."

"Yes; that she allows Colleen to instigate…and she never says much about it; so I'm not sure if it's good contact or not."

"But we do know that some of the reason for Colleen's behavior is her husband and his controlling ways; he doesn't approve of what your mother did…so even if her sister has softened, which could be possible; she may not act on it because of her husband."

"And if you're wrong?"

"I don't think I'm wrong…or she wouldn't let your mother get away with leaving things on her porch."

"Castle," she sighed; "Mom and Colleen…it's just a very delicate thing that seems practically non-existent. I know Mom misses her; that's her baby sister, she's always going to love her no matter how many times she hurts her…because that's how my mother is. She just doesn't know how to turn off those feelings. So yes, she bakes Colleen the birthday cake that Grandma always made her and she puts it in a container, tapes a card to the lid and leaves it on the porch…then rings the doorbell and leaves. At Christmas she bakes Colleen's favorite cookies and goes through the process again. Personally, I think it's not the best thing for her to do, because it has to continue to be some form of rejection and disappointment for her."

"But the containers always come back with a note inside…and like I said, they have minimal contact."

"Yes, I know; and I reminded you that we don't know what that contact entails…because she keeps it to herself. I'm not even sure she tells Dad everything about those occasional messages. You can't go messing in this area; this area is a minefield…you can't go walking through it."

"I just want to talk to her…see if I can sway her to actually see her sister face to face; I could invite her to one of the lunches."

"No!"

"It can't hurt to try," Castle exclaimed. "Don't you think your mother would love to have her sister back?"

"Yes, of course; but you can't get involved in that…and I honestly don't think it's ever going to happen. Please don't tread into that territory."

"But what if I can…"

"But if you make it worse?" Kate asked; "Do you think that's going to help your cause?"

"That's why I'd have to be careful."

She sighed deeply. "Rick; you don't need to make some big grand gesture to my mother. All you need to do to make her feel better around you is to relax and quit doing the things you've done in the past that have caused the discord…you know, like judging her decisions…telling her that she's the cause of every bad thing in my life, telling her all of her faults and flaws, comparing her to your mother…all of those kinds of things, just stop doing those. You told me about the lunch you had today…today is where you found the key to make her relax, to be herself…you show an interest, a real interest. You asked her about her career, let her tell her stories, you engaged in a normal conversation with her that was free of confrontation. The Johanna Beckett you had lunch with today is the real Johanna…the one who can talk for hours if she's just comfortable enough and the topics are pleasing; not that she can't handle serious subjects; she can, they just have to be broached the right way. But my point is, today was a good place for the two of you and you should concentrate on keeping that momentum…she actually showed up for dinner tonight; she let you follow her home like you offered, she showed you the Camaro; she did agree to let you set in on her class tomorrow and that's not a decision she would've made lightly."

"I'm aware of that…but I feel like this is just a small beginning and if I could give her something to show that I really do listen and care, it might help things along even more."

"Then let's just tell her about the baby; she will be overjoyed."

"I'd feel better if we stuck to our original plan for that."

Kate eyed him. "Castle; I'm serious, do not go looking for Colleen. You will end up undoing the work you've done so far. I know there are things you want to clear up with my mother, you want things to be better; I do too. So why don't you just concentrate on a balance…maybe you can talk her into two lunches a week; use Tuesdays as the clear the air session and Thursday as the more relaxed, get to know you better session like you agreed to from what you told me."

"I'm not sure she'd go for that, we made the agreement that Thursdays could be used if Tuesdays went badly…if Tuesday doesn't go too badly, she might not agree for a Thursday that week," he replied.

"She's been agreeing to everything so far."

"For you."

"I can persuade her if it helps," Kate answered. "It's a wonderful thing you'd want to do, giving her back her sister, but it's a little too big of a thing for you to get into. Colleen's…well…she's like one of those people with multiple personalities; one day she's fine and loving and caring…next day she's a self absorbed bitch…she leans heavy on the bitch days."

"Maybe I could charm her. Do you think she'd like an autographed book?"

She blew out a breath of exasperation. "I'm not sure if she reads your books or not, Castle."

"Doesn't matter; I can make her a fan later."

She caught hold of his chin and forced his gaze to her face. "Are you listening to me at all?" she asked. "I said let it be; do not go looking for Colleen."

"Alright," Castle replied; thinking to himself that he didn't really have to look for Colleen; he remembered Johanna mentioning what decorating firm her sister worked for; he already knew right where to find her.

"You're not going to do anything stupid are you?" his wife asked.

"Of course not; have I ever?"

Kate's brow rose. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Not really…but we should get some sleep; you'll need to throw up in a few hours, you should be rested; and I have a class to attend."

"Oh God," Kate said as she rolled back onto her side. "You're going to do something stupid; I can feel it."

"I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"I feel like I may have to throw up sooner than I thought."

Castle rolled over and wrapped his arm around her, his chest warm against her back. "Don't worry; everything is fine…I've got it all under control."

"Why do I feel like I've gone to sleep with happier thoughts?" Kate muttered.

"Because you have…and I wanted to give you those thoughts earlier but apparently we made our child sick…or it's exhibiting traits of your mother, not sure which…maybe both."

She couldn't help but giggle a little. "But we're going to love it anyway."

"Right; nothing but love for Baby Castle," he replied, pressing kisses against her hair as his hand slid across her stomach. He fell silent so that his wife could get some sleep…but he was still plotting his next move despite her advice.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews! Warning; one brief moment of strong language. Also, for those wondering; I will get back to Reflections, Redemption and The Visitors soon._

Chapter 9

On Friday morning, Castle stood in the hallway outside of Johanna's classroom. The hallway was empty, the doors of classrooms closed but he could occasionally hear the low tones of various professors as they lectured. He stayed close to Johanna's door and could at times hear the soft tones of her voice as she taught her first class of the morning. He glanced at his watch; he had gotten there early and had been waiting for ten minutes; surely that class would be dismissing soon. Once again he heard his mother-in-law's voice; it sounded closer this time as if she was moving in the direction of the door.

" _Read chapter six and finish the work packet. I want definite topics for your papers come Monday; no excuses, I mean it."_

Castle smiled a little, hearing the stern note in her tone that was both strict and yet motherly all at the same time as she pushed the door open without even glancing into the hallway. "Class dismissed," she stated, making her way back down the aisle toward the front of the room.

He waited patiently as her students hurried from the room, rushing off to other classes or back to their dorms to go back to bed until the next class, he mused as other classrooms began to empty as well. When the last student crossed Johanna's threshold, he entered the room, his gaze seeking her out and finding her at the board, erasing the notes she had written upon it. Her desk was piled with books, files and papers; but it was all neatly organized, he noted as she turned away from the board and met his gaze. "I'm on time," he announced.

"I see that," Johanna remarked as he approached the desk. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Of course…why, have you changed your mind?"

"No; you're the one who said you sometimes have the attention span of a squirrel."

"Actually I said that your daughter said that."

"She's usually a good judge about those sorts of things and you didn't deny it," Johanna replied as she began to sift through the books on her desk.

"I don't deny that it is sometimes the case but today I'm going to be totally focused."

"This is the textbook for the class," she told him as she handed him the hardcover book. "We're starting chapter seven which involves going through mock scenarios of building and preparing cases. I'll be pairing off the class today; each pair will receive a packet that details a case. They'll have to read about the basis of their case and what the client's goal is. They'll have to gather evidence from the sources provided, read statements and depositions. They have to create a witness list and give me a detailed reason for each witness and how they feel that person will be beneficial to their case. They have to give a detailed accounting of the evidence and show that it was legally obtained. They'll also have to finish the assignment by preparing an opening argument for their case."

"How will they show that the evidence in these mock cases was legally obtained?"

"Included in their packet are forms that are set up like warrants, requests, subpoenas, all those sorts of things. The evidence photos are on the website we use for class work; but they are of course unlocked…those who pay attention know that they'll have to fill out the appropriate paper work to turn in with the assignment. If they provide the evidence without the documentation proving their legality…"

"Their grade will suffer," Castle stated.

"Exactly. It's not an easy assignment and it's not one that's finished in an hour as you'll see by the size of the packets," she said, gesturing to a table off to the side of the room were thick manila envelopes were stacked. "Once I have them paired off and the packets given, I'll begin the lecture and the examples of how to properly get started on the project."

"Sounds action packed," he replied.

"It's a very important part of their grade," Johanna said. "If you want this career, you have to know how to cross every t and dot every i."

"Where do you want me to sit?" he asked.

"In the back if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Castle replied. "That was always my preferred spot."

"Somehow I figured that," she responded as she smoothed a wrinkle from her blush colored dress.

She was wearing her hair up today, he noticed; the look elegant but also business like…and he couldn't help but feel like he was fully in her arena in this area. She was calm and in control; unworried…sure of herself. She wore confidence well, he thought.

"If you have any questions about anything during the lesson, I would appreciate if you'd wait until after class," Johanna told him; "That way I can get to as many of the students questions as possible before class is over."

"No problem, I understand perfectly. You won't even know I'm here," Castle said as he took the textbook and the notebook he had brought with him and retreated to a desk at the back of the room near the door.

He settled into his seat and watched with interest as her students began to trickle in. She greeted each one by name, inquiring about their well being or some event that she must be aware of in their lives. She asked a young lady named Kayla how she was enjoying her new job in the library. A young man named Jacob was asked about a sibling who was recovering from an accident. She congratulated Vanessa on an essay that had been published.

He noted that she was greeted warmly by each student that crossed the threshold. He couldn't detect a single student in her favored bunch that didn't seem to hold some measure of affection for her. She was respected here among the legal minds she was helping to mold. There were looks of admiration; trust…even the looks of some young men who he could tell admired her beauty despite the fact that her years made her old enough to be their mother…perhaps even their grandmother in some cases not that he'd ever mention it to her. She was still a beautiful woman though; she looked much younger than she was. Kate always claimed that the women in her family aged slowly and gracefully; he was inclined to believe that was the case. If he didn't know her, he wouldn't peg Johanna as being anywhere in the ballpark of sixty-three. No; he would've thought mid to late forties…maybe he should tell her that sometime; maybe it would score him some brownie points.

"Morning, Mrs. B," a young man said lightly as he entered the room; his voice breaking through Castle's thoughts.

Johanna smiled. "Good morning, Brady. How are things at the market?"

"Pretty good. I found the best red apple in the new shipment and snagged it just for you," he said with a grin as he tossed the apple to her.

Johanna caught the apple with ease, laughing as she did so. "Thank you; you do pick the best apples."

He nodded. "It's a gift. You catch pretty good for a girl," he teased.

She smirked at him. "My husband made me learn baseball before he married me."

'Sounds like a good man," Brady stated.

"He's the best."

"Followed by me, right?" her student quipped.

"Second place is a very crowded spot, Brady."

"That's a pretty diplomatic answer, Mrs. B," he said; "But I know the truth even if you don't say it."

"Uh huh. You're awful full of charm for so early in the day."

"That's because I'm here," he replied; movement in the doorway bringing him back to his feet as he hurried toward the young lady who was coming in, loaded down with a baby carrier, diaper bag and backpack.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Beckett," the blonde haired student said as she allowed Brady to take the diaper bag and backpack from her, his hand on her elbow as he guided her to the desk next to his. "My grandmother didn't want to watch Sophie today and my mother is out of town for work," she rambled.

Johanna smiled patiently. "It's alright, Brittany; we're always glad to have Sophie join us," she said as she moved toward the carrier and look inside, her fingertips caressing the baby's cheek. "How's she doing?"

"She's been fussy on and off all week," Brittany admitted. "I don't know what's wrong with her."

Johanna noticed that the baby was gnawing on the handle of the rattle she was clutching as if her life depended on it. "How old is she now?"

"Six months."

She nodded. "She's probably teething, Brittany. Get some teething rings at the dollar store; you don't need those expensive ones, they're all the same. Get them nice and cold in the fridge and give her one to chew on when she's fussing, it'll help soothe her gums."

"Could that make her run a low grade fever every once in awhile?" the girl asked. "I didn't ask my mother because I didn't want her to think I couldn't handle it while she was away."

Johanna gave her a small understanding smile. "Yes; she can run a low grade fever from teething. Some babies even have cold like symptoms when they're getting a tooth. Get her some teething rings and give her a dose of her Tylenol when she's got a little bit of a fever or seems like she's not feeling good. She'll be alright…you're doing fine," she told her, patting her hand before she returned to the front of the room.

Castle didn't miss the glimpse of relief on Brittany's face as she reached into her backpack for her notebook…he also couldn't miss that her posture had relaxed once she had the assurance that she was doing fine. That was the assurance Kate was going to be looking for…the answers that an experienced mother gave to a new one to help her along and keep her from feeling like she was drowning in uncertainty. He had of course already raised a child…but he knew there was going to be things that Kate would want her mother's opinion on; that Johanna's answers would carry more weight in some areas because she'd want the word of a mother…more specifically, the mother who had raised her.

His mother-in-law was good at assuring people when the need arose…he could recall Jim once telling a story at the dinner table about a reluctant witness who had finally come forward for one of their cases under Johanna's gentle coaxing and assurances; that when the male colleagues in the building had a female witness who for one reason or another was reluctant to deal with them, she was the first person they called for help. She was a nurturer by nature; a woman who had been created to be maternal toward anyone who would allow her to do so.

He noticed her eyes scanning the rows in her classroom, looking to see if all of her students were accounted for and then she met his eye. "Rick, will you close the door for me?"

"Sure," he replied as he got up to do so.

"Who's the new guy?" Brady asked. "He looks like he's failed this class way more than I have."

Johanna laughed, not only at the remark but at the look that crossed Castle's face at the implication that he was old. "He's my son-in-law," she answered. "He's observing today as part of research for a project of his own."

"Son-in-law?" Brady commented. "I didn't think you were old enough to have a son-in-law."

She gave him an amused smirk. "I appreciate your flattery; but I'm pretty sure that you've gotten enough of those 'see me in my office' notes on your papers to know that I have a picture of my daughter in my office and that she's very grown up."

"That's your daughter?" Brady said in mock shock. "I thought it was your sister."

"Right," she laughed; the other students laughing with her.

"I'm serious," he replied; his hand against his chest. "I really didn't think you were old enough to have a son-in-law. If you weren't married; I'd try to pick you up in a bar."

Johanna's laughter rang out, reminding Castle of Kate's laugh when she found something thoroughly amusing. "If you only knew how many men have tried to pick me up in a bar back in the day," she quipped.

"You probably needed a bodyguard," her student quipped.

"You're just trying to flatter me into giving you an A," she remarked.

"Why do you say that?"

"Brady Collins, I am old enough to be your mother."

Laughter filled the room. "You might be old enough to be his…"

"Daniel Crosby, you finish that sentence and I'll fail you right now," Johanna said, her finger pointing at a young man in the second row, laughter in her voice dampening the threat.

He held up his hands in surrender. "I was going to say old enough to be his aunt."

"Uh huh," she replied; "But I will accept that since I am an aunt to the fourteen nieces and nephews my husband and I have between us…not to mention the fifteen great nieces and nephews and two more on the way."

'And one grandchild on the way,' Castle thought to himself.

Johanna called the class to order and Castle watched as she paired off the students for their project; he noticed that she paired Brady and Brittany together and he couldn't help but wonder if his mother-in-law was trying her hand at matchmaking. Brady did seem very pleased with the arrangement and Brittany seemed relieved as if she knew that Brady had some sort of understanding of her and what was going on in her life.

"The person you are working with is not only your partner," Johanna said as she began to pass out the packets containing their cases. "They are now your co-counsel. Every move you make affects that person as well. A good team works together, acknowledges each other's strengths and what areas each person excels in when it comes to building and presenting a case. You're working for the good of both of you and your client; it is not a competition; not a means of showing off or trying to prove that you are better than your co-counsel. In the course of your career, you will find that there are many times when you have to work with a colleague; you might not always like their tactics, they many not always like yours; but for the good of your case, you must find ways to make everything work despite differences. You won't always like the person you're working with…and sometimes, ladies, you find one you like working with so much, you end up marrying him and spending the next four decades doing his laundry…and keeping the money you find in his pockets."

The class laughed and Castle smiled at her easy manner with her students. "Is that really how you met your husband, Mrs. Beckett?" Vanessa asked.

She smiled. "In a manner of speaking, yes; I met him my first day at my first law firm…I had been out of law school for three weeks."

"You didn't waste any time," Daniel teased.

"Sometimes the stars just align," she remarked with a grin.

"Do you really keep the money you find in his pockets?" Vanessa inquired, amusement on her face.

"Yes, I consider it a tip for laundry service…it helps support my shoe fetish," she replied with a wink before launching into her lecture.

Castle had a feeling that Johanna had just given the young ladies of the room something to look forward to when it came to one day doing laundry for their future husbands…forgotten money in the pockets that would add up to a few fabulous pairs of shoes. If she hadn't been their hero before that moment, she surely was now, he thought to himself with a smile.

* * *

Castle found the class interesting, his notebook filling with notes as he listened and picked up helpful remarks about the proper procedures his characters would need to follow when dealing with the courtroom aspect of things. As interested in the class he was, he also managed to observe his mother-in-law…her patience with her students; the way she'd stop and walk about a certain point if one of them didn't seem to be following it the way she had wanted them to. When little Sophie started to fuss in her carrier, she didn't hesitate to unhook her and carry her around the room with her as she lectured. Sophie's ease at being in her arms told him that it wasn't the first time she had taught the class with Brittany's baby perched on her hip, small fingers toying with the necklace she wore. She made sure each point was understood; offered examples from her own career where appropriate; and by the time class was finished, Sophie had snuggled against her and had fallen asleep.

He watched as she brushed a soft kiss against the baby's tuft of blonde curls, her hand rubbing against the infant's back soothingly. She gave the class instructions about their work and when it was due and then dismissed them; moving back toward Brittany to put the baby back in the carrier.

Castle remained in his seat; watching as Brady volunteered to carry the baby to the car for Brittany so that they could discuss when to get together to work on their project. He heard the young man offering to come to her so that she wouldn't need a sitter, assuring her that he had no problem with a baby; that he had often taken care of his little sister who was now eleven. He had no doubt that Johanna had realized that Brady had a soft spot for Brittany and her baby…she was definitely matchmaking.

"What did you think of the class, Rick?" Johanna asked as she approached him once the last student left.

"I think you're matchmaking," he stated.

Her brow rose. "What?"

"Brittany and Brady…I think you're matchmaking."

Johanna crossed her arms. "I wouldn't call it that."

"What would you call it?"

"Cultivating a friendship," she remarked.

"Is that what they call it nowadays? I think maybe they have a soft spot for each other and you know it."

"I don't know any such thing…but I do know that they need each other."

"How so?"

"Well, Brady is a nice, good young man…he likes to have fun; thankfully it's more subdued than last semester, but a little fun is what Brittany needs. She's been hurt; being a single mother at her age wasn't what she had expected…she hadn't expected to be a mother for several more years. The father of her baby abandoned her; she's gun-shy now…and she's so very afraid that she'll be a bad mother to Sophie. She's afraid that if she has even an ounce of fun in her life that it's some betrayal of her child. It isn't of course, there's no denying that she loves Sophie and wants to give her a good life…but Brady can bring a little lightness back to her; make her have a little fun, show her that there are good men in the world. Brady has a lot of responsibilities; he's a student, he works, he helps his mother raise his little sister because his father was killed in an accident two years ago. Sometimes he has a little too much fun…sometimes he can't keep his focus the way he should…but Brittany could help ground him, help him focus more on his own needs while still helping to care for others. He's able to come here because a grandparent set up a trust to be used for college and college alone; his sister has one too…but her world is dance; it's how she copes with her grief. Half of Brady's paycheck goes to keeping her in those classes because his mother can't afford them alone and that trust can't be used for them. He dotes on her, helps her with her fundraisers to earn the money for her costumes…and sometimes his work and his need to be there for Aubrey means he doesn't study as much as he should. He and Brittany are both good kids, I think they could help each other…and if something more would come of it; good for them."

"Maybe they do need each other," he agreed; "Just out of curiosity, how much have you donated to little Aubrey's fundraisers…because I'm sure you've been asked to buy whatever she's selling."

Johanna smiled. "I admit that I have bought some candy…and some items from the catalogues they put online; but I consider it a worthy cause. Little girls need their outlets for their feelings; especially one her age…and if buying a candy bar or a box of cookies or some Christmas ornaments I could probably buy cheaper elsewhere means that she can have her costume for her recital that means so much to her, then of course I'll help out when asked; not just because her brother is my student; but because I think it's important for girls to do what they're passionate about."

Kate was right; she was going to be a good grandmother, he couldn't help but think. He couldn't say so at that moment of course so he changed the topic slightly. "I'm not sure who Brady has the bigger crush on, you or Brittany," he remarked.

Johanna rolled her eyes. "I'm old enough to be his mother…or worse…and don't say it; it'll depress me given his age."

Castle laughed. "I won't say it…we won't even think it. But still; just because you're more…mature…doesn't mean he can't have a crush on you."

"It's more like I'm their den mother," she quipped.

"I'm pretty sure you're the hero to all of these young ladies once you gave them the key to future shoe shopping success…with the help of money they find in their future husbands pockets come laundry day."

Johanna grinned. "It's my duty to pass on such things to the younger generation. Did you learn anything today?"

"Yes; I'm picking up a lot of helpful things. What class is next?"

"Same one just different students," she replied.

"Can I stay?" he asked; "There are a few things I'd like to hear again; I had a few moments where…"

"Where you had one of those squirrel moments?" Johanna asked.

"Yes," he admitted. "I was distracted watching you with the baby; I wondered how many times you taught the class with Brittany's baby on your hip."

"It's happened a few times," she replied; "But I don't mind; Sophie is a good baby. If you want to stay for the repeat, go ahead, I don't care."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," he told her as the next class started to fill the room.

* * *

As her students filed out of the classroom after her last class of the day, Johanna packed her briefcase with the files and papers on her desk and picked up the two books that she needed to take home. She glanced to the back of the classroom where Rick was filling the lines of a notebook; the textbook she had lent him to follow along with open in front of him. She made sure that her reading glasses were safely tucked in her purse and then hooked the strap over her shoulder and picked up her briefcase, heading for the back of the room.

"Class is over, Rick," she said as she paused next to the seat he occupied.

Castle glanced up at her, his hand continuing to write as he finished the sentence he had been working on. "I guess I missed the dismissal notice."

She smiled slightly. "Did I bore you this time around?"

"No, not at all. I found it all interesting; it gave me an idea for one of my scenes and I was writing it down before I forgot it. Could I borrow the book for the weekend?" he asked.

Johanna nodded. "That's fine; I keep that one in the classroom in case someone forgets theirs but I haven't encountered that problem so far this semester."

"I'll give it back to you on Tuesday at lunch."

"Alright," she replied, stepping back in anticipation of making her exit from the room.

"Speaking of lunch, since you're finished with your classes today; how about we go get lunch?"

Johanna hesitated. "I don't know…that would be three lunches in one week plus there was dinner."

"So? Families are supposed to see each other often, aren't they?"

"I wouldn't know," Johanna remarked. "My daughter and son-in-law make it a point to avoid it if they can."

He gave a small smile. "But we're changing that, aren't we?"

"That's what you tell me."

"So how about it? There's a McDonalds nearby…and I have it on good authority that they are well stocked on chicken nuggets…"

She eyed him. "You're using chicken nuggets against me?"

"Well…you did say that you needed chicken nuggets in your life sometimes, so I thought that since we were near a McDonalds that we should make sure you got some to tide you over."

Johanna thought about it for a moment and figured it wouldn't hurt to agree to the lunch and would perhaps cement once and for all that she was trying and wasn't avoiding any member of the family. "Alright, I'll go."

Castle smiled. "Good," he said as he gathered up his notebook and the book she had lent him. "Do you want to go with me and I'll bring you back to your car?"

"No; I'll take my car," she replied. "I have things to do after lunch and I'd rather just leave directly from there."

He gave a nod, not pressing the issue as he rose to follow her to the door, watching as she hit the light switch on the way out. They stepped into the hallway and she closed the classroom door behind them.

"Jim said he'll let you drive the Camaro around the block if you let him drive your Ferrari around the block," she stated as they made their way up the hallway.

"That can definitely be arranged," he replied. "Is he still coming home today?"

Johanna nodded. "That's what he said this morning; he'll let me know when he's on his way."

He could detect the air of subtle anxiety that lingered when Jim wasn't in town but he could also detect the sense of anticipation in the energetic clip of her walk as they exited the building and made their way to the parking lot. She walked quickly as if she could hurry the day and Jim's subsequent homecoming. He increased his own pace to keep up with her, loyalty to his own wife making him want to make sure that his mother-in-law reached her car safely anytime he was in her company in public.

Johanna reached her car and unlocked it, leaning in to deposit her briefcase and purse on the passenger seat. "I'll meet you there, Rick," she said as she turned to meet his eye before getting in the car.

"I'll be right behind you," he told her, gesturing to his car just two rows across the lot.

"I won't go in until you're there," she promised as she put the key in the ignition.

Castle gave a nod of acknowledgement and headed for his car, his gaze shifting back to hers as he made the trek, making sure that she was safely on her way.

* * *

"You'd think a woman who's so big on home cooked meals wouldn't have a thing for McDonald's chicken nuggets," Castle remarked as he watched Johanna open her container of preferred sauce once they were seated at a table with their food.

She shrugged. "We all have a weakness. I don't see anything wrong with McDonald's food…I don't think you should eat it every day, but it's nice to have on occasion."

"I agree," he replied as he unwrapped his cheeseburger.

"So, did Broadway sober up?" Johanna asked.

He nearly choked on the bite of burger he had taken. "Broadway?" he asked.

"Your mother."

"She was still indisposed when I left this morning," Castle replied. "Nice choice of nickname though."

"I figure it's probably better than whatever nickname she has for me."

"I'm not sure that she has one for you."

Johanna smirked. "Trust me; women always nickname the opposition."

"Good to know…but I didn't realize you were the opposition."

She scoffed. "Please; everyone knows it."

Castle shifted in his seat. "You started it."

"Started what?"

"This war with my mother."

"It's not a war."

"No? Then what is it?"

"A line in the sand," Johanna replied. "We're on opposite sides of it, daring each other to step across it."

"I was under the impression that you already felt like my mother had stepped across that line a few times."

"She has…and so far she's been lucky that I haven't reached out and shoved her back across it."

Castle met her eye. "I have a feeling you mean 'shove' in the literal sense."

"I do," she confirmed.

"In that case, I'm glad you've restrained yourself."

"See, I'm not as compulsive as you thought," Johanna replied.

He gave a nod. "I guess I don't really understand how things got to this point between the two of you."

"I think you do," she said as she dipped a nugget in sauce.

"That insane notion that my mother was taking your place in Kate's life?"

"It's not insane," she said tartly. "It was a very real feeling; and maybe if it wouldn't have gotten to the intense level that it did, things could've been avoided. But instead of someone offering to let me talk about it, I was ridiculed. Anything I mentioned was instantly labeled ridiculous or crazy or insane. Instead of someone saying 'what can I do to help you change that feeling', I got mocked and labeled. Your mother could've come to my door and discussed the issue…instead she came to my door to tell me how ridiculous I was and wanted to tell me how to be a mother…and yes, I told her to leave my house. I might have to put with that kind of behavior from any number of people in the world, but I will not tolerate it in my own home. You come through my door, you show me respect or you get the hell out and that's just how it is."

"Fair enough," Castle said after swallowing a bite of his burger. "But you still haven't explained how I know how it got to this point."

"I gave you examples before, Rick."

"You felt like my mother was forcing Kate to spend time with her instead of you."

"That's not what I said and you know it," Johanna remarked. "I said Martha didn't seem to remind her that she still had her own mother who wanted to be in her life."

"It was a difficult time for Kate, Johanna."

"I'm aware of that; it was a difficult time for me too. It wasn't like I was laying on a beach somewhere drinking margaritas and eating bon-bons while wondering what fabulous restaurant my husband and I would dine in that evening."

"That's an awfully detailed fantasy."

"It's not a fantasy…it's more like a partial description of my honeymoon," she replied.

"I would've thought that you would've picked an exotic location instead of Hawaii for your honeymoon," he commented.

"It was the 70s, Rick; Hawaii was popular and exotic then. Did you ever notice that a lot of television shows from 70s and 80s have a Hawaii trip episode?"

Castle thought about it for a moment. "Now that you mention it, there are a lot of shows with Hawaii episodes."

"I rest my case. Besides; it was summer time and I wanted to go to a beach…one far enough way that we wouldn't run into anyone we knew. I had always wanted to go there so that's what we chose."

"It is a beautiful place. But getting back to our topic; mother wasn't keeping Kate from you."

"I already addressed that; I said she didn't do anything to help persuade her to give her own mother some consideration. When I first came home, Katie wanted nothing to do with me. It took a lot of work to get her to let me in again. We were so much better by the time Bracken was arrested. I felt like we were close and then I moved home with Jim and the fallout began and she pushed me away. Just about every time I tried to spend some time with her by inviting her over, I was turned down. You went away on a book tour for a few days and I thought that while you were gone maybe we could spend some time together. I invited her over and was told no; she was spending the weekend with Martha, she had dinner plans with Martha, the whole weekend was devoted to Martha."

"Not my mother's fault," Castle interrupted.

"I didn't say it was," Johanna retorted; "But it was part of the beginning of things I was turned down for in favor of Martha. That first winter I was home, the only time Katie was seen with me in a public setting away from my neighborhood was when she trotted me out for a shopping trip so that she could prove her statement was true. She thought I was stupid enough not to realize that was the reason but I'm not stupid, I knew it from the second she brought it up. She only came to dinner when she felt guilty…any other time she was having dinner with you, which is understandable; but a lot of times those dinners included Martha too from what I heard. She told me we'd go to the theater together…a few days later, Jim opens up the newspaper and there's a picture of her and Martha and Alexis at the theater…"

"That was Mother's birthday gift to her," he interrpted.

"That's another thing," Johanna said; "Anytime I wanted to give her a gift it was shunned or we'd end up in a fight about it because I was accused of trying to buy more affection from her…but she could accept a gift from Martha. I couldn't even take her to lunch on her birthday because Martha and Alexis claimed that and of course you were taking her to dinner, which I had expected all along that's why I asked to take her to lunch because I knew she'd want to spend her evening with you as she should…but no, Martha's invitation was more important. You threw her a birthday party…you invited your mother but not the mother of the birthday girl…and if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be here for you to throw a party for because she wouldn't have been born; so I think if anyone's mother should be invited, it should be me before yours. Martha was kind enough to inform me that she mentioned my exclusion from the guest list but upon listening to your explanation of why Jim and I weren't invited, agreed with you that it wasn't a good idea."

Castle took a sip of his drink before speaking, using the moment to compose his words. "I just thought that given the stressful circumstances of the time that Kate would have a better time if you weren't there…I didn't think you'd find out."

"It's kind of hard to miss when it ends up in the newspaper," Johanna remarked; "Along with that nice mention about how her parents weren't invited which fueled more of that 'they're estranged' furor that kept plaguing me everywhere I went…I can't thank you enough for adding to that at that point in time."

"I'm sorry that I excluded you and Jim and caused more problems for you in the media with that decision," Castle replied. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings; but you can't blame mother for what I did."

"I don't blame her for what you did; I blame her for agreeing with you instead of advocating for my inclusion on the basis that I am Katie's mother…just because I was issued an invitation doesn't mean that I would've intruded upon her fun and showed up. I might have declined so that I didn't put any sort of damper on her party…or we might've came for an hour so we could see her for a little while…but you took away our choices. You took away the simple courtesy of issuing the invitation and Martha backed you up on it. I invited all of you over for Thanksgiving and was told no; and yeah, I know, you invited Jim and I over to your place but it was my first holiday home and I wanted to cook that meal for my husband…and judging by the menu he made for me, he wanted me to make it too. I told Katie to go to your place, no hard feelings. I asked her to go black Friday shopping with me since she was going to be off that day. She said she didn't want to go…but I end up running into her and Martha while I'm shopping. Apparently Martha's invitation was once again more appealing. When she said she was having Thanksgiving with you, I told her that I all I asked was that she come home for Christmas dinner…that's all I wanted…I invited all of you. She told me she had to work. The day after Christmas, I'm out shopping with Valerie, I run into Martha who tells me all about the wonderful Christmas she had with my daughter...and when I mentioned that I was glad someone had gotten to spend Christmas with her since she lied to me about having to work; I was informed that it was to be expected given that Katie has such bad memories of Christmas associated to me and that I shouldn't be upset that I didn't even warrant a phone call on the occasion; I should just be glad that she was able to celebrate with your family and be welcomed into your traditions and all that jazz…like being hurt that I couldn't spend any part of that first Christmas home with my daughter was just stupid and petty; and maybe it is to you and her but it wasn't to me. It hurt me…I only asked for an hour. I only asked for dinner. I didn't want her whole day, I wasn't trying to keep her from you…I just wanted an hour to spend Christmas with her for the first time since she was nineteen…but once again, your family was more important than mine and your mother saw her instead of her own mother."

"Then your issue is with Kate; not my mother," Castle stated.

Johanna shook her head. "No; you're not listening, you're too busy preparing Martha's defense to listen to all of what I said. What pissed me off about Martha was the condescending way she talked to me in that store; saying I should expect that Katie wouldn't want to spend a holiday with me, that I wasn't entitled to my feelings. I wouldn't tell her that she wasn't entitled to her feelings. Last night at dinner when she was whining about her boyfriend, I didn't look across the table and tell her to quit being a selfish drama queen about one missed opening. She was hurt by his need to do something else, although he is entitled to his own pursuits especially when it involves his job, but all I said was that I was sure he'd make it up to her. I did later on give her some of her unsolicited advice but only because she pushed my buttons too far."

"Okay; you don't like the way my mother talks to you at times," he replied. "But did you ever consider that maybe you just take things the wrong way?"

"Yeah, I've considered that…but then I think about the things I've learned over the course of my life and my career…and one of the things I've learned is how to read a person's tone of voice. It's a useful skill for a lawyer to have, it's right up there with being able to read faces. Lies aren't only told with the eyes, they're told with voices. You can tell by someone's tone if they're lying, if they're scared, worried, happy, pretending to be happy…or putting on airs. I hate to tell you this, Rick; but your mother puts on airs sometimes…and a lot of times when she speaks to me about the matter of my daughter, she talks down to me; like she's superior…like she knows my child better than I do and she doesn't. Katie's my daughter, not hers. I know more about her than she could ever imagine; I'm the one who carried her for nine months and gave birth to her. I'm the one who raised her."

"No one disputes that; especially my mother."

"Oh really?" Johanna asked. "Is that why she tries to tell me how to be a mother on occasion; because I really don't need her tips. My argument with Katie after Christmas is what brought Martha to my door to tell me how ridiculous I am and telling me how to be a mother to my daughter. I don't appreciate it. I didn't ask for her advice and I don't need it."

"Well…she has more experience at being the mother of an adult than you do. When you went to Wyoming, Kate was nineteen…she was an adult in the eyes of the law but really still a teenager."

"I'm aware of how old she was," she retorted. "I know how to be a mother. You both act like I was trying to play dress up with her and walk her to school. I know she's a grown woman; I treat her as such. All I was trying to do was keep my place in her life. I just wanted to see her once in awhile; I didn't want to lose our closeness and I didn't realize that was a crime and required advice about how to be a parent. I didn't realize that Martha cornered the market on parenting skills."

"I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you."

"Well she did," Johanna replied; dipping another nugget into her sauce with a little more zeal than necessary. "If I want parenting advice, I'll ask my sister-in-law."

"What makes her so special?" Castle asked before he could stop himself.

"Because she doesn't act like she's superior or like she has all the answers to everything. She's known me since I was nineteen; she treats me with respect, as her sister, as her equal. She's known my daughter since birth; she babysat her when needed, she's the only person I ever let take Katie out of town without me or Jim. She knows to offer advice when it's asked for and she's knows how to do it without making the other person feel like they're a wad of gum beneath their shoe. I take my advice from family and close friends I've known for forty years. If I'd want advice from Martha, I'd ask for it."

"Alright," he said with a nod. "Point taken…Mother does sometimes give advice when it isn't wanted and maybe she should be more careful about that. I guess she's just not used to people being as sensitive as you are."

Johanna smirked at him as she shook her head. "You always have to be backhanded in your concurrence, don't you?"

"How was I backhanded?"

"Come on, Rick; you're not stupid; you know. You got your little dig in by saying your mother isn't used to dealing with sensitive people like me. That's your way of humoring me for the way I feel about not wanting advice I didn't ask for while also telling me that I'm in the wrong for the way I take your mother's attitude."

Maybe his comment had come off as a backhanded insult, he thought to himself. It seemed to happen at times without notice. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said it that way."

She pressed her lips together as her fingers reached for some fries on her tray.

"What else about Mother has irked you and made you see her as the enemy?" Castle asked.

"Oh I don't know…maybe how she took control of the wedding planning and acted like she was the mother of the bride while I was pushed off to the sidelines?" Johanna said. "Everything Martha suggested was just fabulous…and anything I suggested, any tradition that my family has, was labeled as old fashioned and out of touch."

"Well…some things were old fashioned; church weddings are kind of outdated these days."

"Maybe that's part of the problem with this world," Johanna replied. "Besides; it wasn't so much the church; I asked that my daughter be married by a Catholic priest. My family is Catholic and when Katie was born, Jim allowed me to have her baptized Catholic like I was, my mother, my grandmother, my great grandmother and on back all the way to Italy. My father's family were Irish Catholics. In our family; we don't necessary have to have a Catholic ceremony, I didn't and neither did my siblings, but it's tradition to at least have a priest perform the service. It was the thing that mattered most to me in the planning process; all I asked was for that tradition to be carried on…just one simple tradition; to know that my daughter was married by a priest and in the eyes of God; but that was too much to ask apparently. I can still hear you and your mother saying how old fashioned it was; bringing up examples of celebrities who have been ordained online to perform marriages and how a judge is fine and all that's needed; your family isn't overly religious and Katie doesn't go to church so it would be foolish…that's the word your mother used. Foolish. Well I admit once I reached adulthood my church attendance was reduced to holidays because I like to sleep on Sundays; but the day after Jim proposed to me, I asked him if we could be married by a priest because it would mean a lot to my mother and grandmother, it was tradition and he said yes; and sure enough, my mother did ask for that tradition and I told her it was taken care of and would be carried out. But when I asked for it for my child, I was called foolish, oh, and I almost forgot, Martha also said it was a bit out of touch…like her fingers are on the pulse of relevant culture and no one else knows anything modern…I've got news for her, I know plenty; I just also have respect for family traditions."

"Alright, maybe we all could've been a little more understanding of your sense of tradition…but it wasn't your wedding," he remarked.

Johanna took a sip of her soda and shook her head. "I never said it was my wedding; I never tried to make it mine. I just wanted to incorporate some tradition into it. I was asked to help with planning; I was asked my ideas…although I don't know why since none of them were good enough. If anyone took over everything and tried to make it hers, it was Martha. Katie and I were supposed to go look at wedding dresses, just the two of us; well there's Martha tagging along behind her. That was my moment with my daughter, one I had been looking forward to. Katie told me she wanted it to be just the two of us…but Martha has to butt her way in and Katie isn't going to tell her no. She can tell me no all the time but there's something magic about Martha that she can't say no to. I was supposed to help her look at venues when you weren't available; I asked her if she could wait a few hours to go to that one venue because I needed to go to the doctor and she tells me yes; I show up at the new time to go with her and I'm told, well Martha volunteered to go with her instead…like I was trying to blow her off and Martha had to swoop in and save the day."

"I figure Mother offered to go because they figured you weren't feeling well since you had to go to the doctor," Castle stated.

"I had a sore throat; I wanted to make sure it wasn't strep and contagious. I told her when my appointment was and that I'd be there as soon as it was over. I was fine to go with her; it was just my throat. But Martha was there; Martha talked her into going on ahead with her and they could just send me pictures. I wasn't asked to go to any other venues after that either."

"That sounds more like an issue with Kate than my mother."

"No, it is an issue with your mother because she can't keep her damn nose out of anything," Johanna replied. "She took over everything with that wedding…and you did your share of hurting people too. You have no idea how much you hurt Jim when you wouldn't let him pay for Katie's wedding; he's her father, paying for her wedding was our job; a job we were willing to take and wanted to take, and you took that from us."

Castle sighed; he should've known that was going to come up again. "We just felt it was silly to expect you and Jim to pay for our wedding."

"You didn't expect it; we volunteered it as soon as we knew you were engaged. We had been saving money for Katie's wedding since she was a little girl, Rick. When Jim and I were engaged, I briefly called off the wedding because his mother and I got into a big argument because I hadn't asked my father to pay for my wedding; I figured I'd pay for it myself because he paid to put me through law school and helped me get my apartment. We didn't get along and I wasn't asking for more…Jim's father called my father and told him what was going on and everything was worked out and he told me that he had intended all along to pay for my wedding, he was just waiting on my mother to tell him where to send the checks. I told him he didn't have to; but he said paying for my wedding was their gift to me for being their daughter and no price could be on that; I was to have anything I wanted for my day because it was their gift, their way of seeing me off into the next stage of my life. When Katie was little; Valerie gave her an old white dress for her dress up trunk and she thought it was a wedding dress; she was playing bride one day and Jim said to me that maybe we should start saving for her wedding; because he remembered me telling him what my father said; and he felt the same way; that paying for Katie's wedding was our gift to her for being our daughter. That account had plenty of money in it, Rick; everything the two of you wanted could've been had with no financial strain to us and when you and Katie refused that because as you said 'you had more money than us and could take care of it' you hurt my husband, you took something from him; a part of his pride, you took away his duty as a father and he hadn't even given her away to you yet. It was hurtful; and maybe that seems stupid to you but it wasn't to him and it wasn't to me; but it hurt him most of all…and seeing my husband that hurt, just made me incredibly angry with you. You don't know how much money we had saved for that occasion; you don't know how much money we have in the bank. It might not be the same amount that you have but we have plenty and we would've taken care of our daughter's wedding like we had always planned on. She's our only child, we don't get another chance to do that and you didn't care how that made us feel; that we were being hurt by that refusal of something we so carefully started planning for when she was four years old; and of course Martha was right there, siding with you both, telling us take that money and go spend it on something frivolous for ourselves; that the two of you were too old for that antiquated notion of having the father pay for the wedding…because once again, she couldn't keep her nose out of it."

Castle met her eye. "I am very sorry that I hurt you and Jim by refusing your offer to pay for the wedding; but as a man who has a very successful career and already paid for two weddings of my own; I would've felt ridiculous having my in-laws pay for the wedding."

Johanna shook her head. "You just don't get it, do you? We weren't paying for it for you; we were paying for it for Katie…for our daughter. It was about her; it was about us giving her one last big gift before we gave her away to her husband. That hurt Jim in ways you don't seem to comprehend…but maybe one day Alexis will do something like that to you and you'll know how my husband felt…and why I was so angry with you for hurting him like that. You can say and do what you want to me, I don't care; but when you hurt my husband or my kid, then you earn my anger and I won't apologize for it."

He nodded. "You don't have to apologize for being angry about it."

"That's good because I'm not."

"I am sorry for whatever it's worth…and you're right, one day Alexis might do the same thing to me and I will probably be hurt by it."

"And I hope I'm there to say I told you so," Johanna replied.

"I have no doubt that you'd pencil time into your schedule for that."

She gave a nod. "Count on it."

"I think we were talking about my mother though."

"I know; but while we were on the topic of the wedding, I wanted to make sure that issue wasn't overlooked."

"Okay, but getting back to Mother…"

Johanna smirked. "Its kind of hard to get back to her without you attached, Rick; next up on my list is the dress shop horror show. You remember the dress shop, don't you?"

"Yeah; I don't think I'm ever going to forget that experience."

"You had no business being there," Johanna told him.

"I only came because Kate was supposed to meet you there to design a dress for you and she had a case and couldn't leave…she asked me to go, so I did."

"You should've persuaded her to reschedule."

"Believe me, Johanna; I wish I had."

"That makes two of us. That little fiasco should've never happened; Katie could've rescheduled or I could've just bought a dress off the rack like I wanted to do. I didn't want you buying me a dress; our money wasn't good enough to contribute to that wedding, I damn sure didn't want you buying me a dress to wear to it; but Katie drove me up a damn wall about it so I went…and got the joy of going through that nightmare with you."

He smirked a little. "It's good to know that I give you such fond memories."

"The feeling is mutual," she replied. "But I thought you had a lot of nerve sitting there lecturing me about how to dress and what color to wear and vetoing everything I liked…like you were the one who was going to be wearing that damn dress instead of me. All I wanted was a lavender dress; because if there wasn't going to be any other tradition in that wedding, I could at least follow the one my family has which is that the mother of the bride wears lavender; but no, you kept saying I couldn't."

"I said that you couldn't wear lavender because of the color of the bridal party dresses."

"Those dresses were plum," Johanna remarked. "Lavender is totally different; it's much lighter than plum."

"But it's still in the same color palette."

"It doesn't matter! It's a different shade and wasn't in competition with anything. You then tell me to wear blue like your mother…and hell would've had to freeze over for that to happen. You kept picking hideous designs that I hated, that didn't suit the way I like to dress at all…it reminded me of my sister's wedding and that horror show maid of honor gown I had to wear to her wedding. You just would not listen to me and everything I wanted was shrugged off…and then you had to call your mother and put her on speaker phone to back you up that I couldn't wear lavender. Then I get to listen to her comments about what I should wear and your comments and I finally had enough and told you to shove that whole damn wedding because I was done and wasn't coming."

"I remember," Castle replied. "It was a bad moment."

"Yes, it was; and then to add insult to injury; instead of letting Katie work out the issue, instead of letting her go with me to buy a dress somewhere else; you let Martha go design the dress for me…and she picked yellow…after I told you that I hate yellow; and you had that hideous creation sent to my house. I thought I had seen all of the ugly dresses the world had to offer…but then your mother designed a dress for me and I realized that I owed my sister an apology because I had finally found someone with worse taste in wedding apparel than her…and if my sister had been allowed onto the guest list and came to the wedding, I would've issued that apology right there at the reception."

"There was nothing wrong with that dress; yellow is a nice spring color."

"Yellow is an egg yolk," Johanna retorted. "I saw that God awful thing and threw up in my mouth a little."

"I'm surprised you didn't just throw up on the dress if you felt that way about it."

"I would have but I preferred burning it…I had the matches but at the last minute decided to send it back so your money could be refunded."

"Once again I appreciate your restraint; that dress wasn't cheap."

"You wouldn't know by looking at it," Johanna stated.

"Okay; you didn't like the dress."

"No, I didn't…and I think you all knew I wouldn't."

"I don't think you would've liked anything I picked."

"That's because we don't have the same taste," she replied. "You're not me; I know what I like to wear, I know what colors I like and what goes with my complexion and hair color…yellow isn't it and any fool could see that."

"So you think Mother purposely picked something you'd hate?"

"Yeah, I do," she confirmed; "And just for the record; I'm so glad she got to pick her color and style of dress without any problem from you; I wish I had been given that courtesy."

"Well in the end you did pick your own dress from some store in the city."

"I didn't pick out that dress," Johanna said as she picked up another nugget.

"You didn't?"

She shook her head. "Jim picked that dress for me. I was done with the whole thing and was just going to wear a dress I already had in my closet…but he told me he had a meeting one day and went and found that dress for me."

"Jim picked it? Without your influence at all?" Castle asked, his brow arched in surprise as he recalled the elegant cocktail dress his mother-in-law had worn to the wedding. Her dress had been lavender as she had wanted; made of fine silk and the bodice had been studded with tiny beads that sparkled in the light. It had a matching lace sequined bolero shrug that had also shimmered in certain light. He could admit that it suited her well…and he had no doubt that Jim had spent a small fortune on it as it screamed upscale elegance and had probably bore a designer label. Somehow, he could only imagine his father-in-law insisting on the best for his wife; a dress that he would feel befitted her status of mother of the bride even if she had gotten shoved out of the main scheme of things at times.

"Yes; he chose it all on his own," Johanna stated; pulling him from his thoughts. "He said that if he couldn't buy anything for his daughter, the least he could do was buy me a dress, a purse and a pair of shoes for her wedding. He knew I was out of patience for dress shopping so he did it for me…and he picked the exact kind of dress I wanted…because he knows me and the styles I prefer."

Yes, his father-in-law had definitely spent a fortune outfitting the mother of the bride, Castle thought; not only had he bought the dress, he had bought the matching shoes…that if he recalled correctly, had been opened toe and the heels studded with the same beading that had been on her dress. Her clutch bag at the wedding had held that same sparkling beadwork and lavender silk. It wasn't hard for him to imagine that Jim had probably spent around five hundred dollars on Johanna's wardrobe for the occasion.

"You got your lavender dress," he remarked.

"I did…and no one batted an eye except for your mother."

"She felt you wore lavender to be spiteful," he answered.

"I wore lavender to honor my family's tradition. I wore lavender in honor of my mother who I wish could've lived to see her granddaughter get married. My dress in no way matched the hue and style of the bridal party. If I wanted to be spiteful, I would've worn black like my mother-in-law did."

"I'm surprised you didn't."

"I thought about it," Johanna replied. "I did have several nice black dresses in my closet."

"I guess it's a good thing that Jim stepped in."

"I wouldn't say that he stepped in; it was more like he wanted to be able to do something for the wedding. You and Katie were dead set against letting him pay for a single thing, not even the flowers. He didn't get to buy her a wedding dress because she wanted to wear that hideous monstrosity that magazine editor had given her…"

"But she ended up not wearing it."

"Thank God," Johanna declared. "It was a painful thing to look at when she put that dress on and showed it to me."

"Mother said it was beautiful."

"She would," Johanna said with an amused scoff.

"I only saw it after it had been damaged so I can't properly comment on it," Castle said; "But are you implying that my mother has bad taste?"

She nodded. "I'd say it's on par with my sister's taste…although Martha is much more flamboyant with colors and patterns than Colleen is; I will give my sister credit for that; but getting back to the point I was trying to make; I think Jim knew I was the only person that wouldn't shun his gift. We had bought Katie a pair of earrings to wear on her wedding day but when I got there, Martha was in the process of giving her a pair of earrings and she was hurriedly putting them in her ears and I knew I couldn't embarrass any of us by producing the pair we had bought…so I lied and told her we had ordered a bracelet for her to wear and that it had been delayed. I guess I'm lucky that she at least wore the diamond necklace that has been passed down by my great grandmother. I wanted her to keep it; that's always been the tradition; it's given to the oldest daughter on her wedding day and the bride keeps it to pass on to her own daughter one day…but Katie took it off and gave it back to me after she changed into a different dress for the reception."

"Maybe she feels it's better left with you," Castle remarked.

Johanna shrugged. "I guess I just have to hope that one day I'll go to the wedding of a granddaughter and I'll be able to give it to her myself."

A wave of remorse washed over him. "I guess you kind of did get a raw deal during the wedding planning and all of that. You should've given her the earrings anyway; she likes earrings."

"I couldn't," she murmured. "Your mother was telling her how the earrings she was giving her was passed down through her family; I couldn't ask her to shun an heirloom from your family and it wouldn't seem right to give the same gift…it wasn't like she could wear both pairs of earrings that day. I can't lie and say that I didn't feel like Martha had once again taken something from me…I know it sounds petty; but its how I felt. I couldn't even give my daughter the gift her father and I picked out for her; that we wanted to see her wear on her wedding day because Martha had already swooped in and presented a pair."

"You were a little late getting there," Castle said in subtle defense of his mother.

There was the shimmer of tears laying in her eyes as she met his gaze. "I don't control traffic…it's not my fault that we got caught up in a slow moving stream past an accident site. We left in plenty of time to get there and were still there long before the ceremony started; so don't try to blame me like I was deliberately late and that's what I get for it."

He gave a slight nod. "I'm sorry; we blew the wedding experience for you."

"It's alright," Johanna said as she picked up her soda. "It's kind of my thing I guess…I've always kind of hated weddings for the reason that planning them causes so much drama and hurt feelings. I've been a bridesmaid more times than I care to admit and a maid of honor two and a half times…I've got a lot of experience at wedding drama."

"What do you mean you were maid of honor two and a half times?"

"I was Sharon's maid of honor until six weeks before her wedding…her fiancé pouted enough and she kicked me to the curb and gave the job to his teenage sister."

"That's…cold," Castle remarked.

"Yeah; between that and all the things Colleen's wedding planning brought about, I had thought I had seen the worst of things in the wedding arena…until my daughter allowed someone else to act like mother of the bride…and Martha did so willingly and without any regard for my feelings. All she did was label me as ridiculous when I'd mention it."

"So that kind of sealed the deal on the way things are between you and my mother?"

"Yeah…and honestly, Rick; I just don't ever see a close friendship in the cards for Martha and I. There was a time when I would've liked to have been good friends with her; I liked her…but things changed and we just don't mesh well. We're not going to get along. I know I should've ignored her comments last night and I'm sorry that I didn't…it's just my nature to strike back I guess. I guess Katie is right and I am like my father," she said with a wrinkle of her nose.

He hadn't had the pleasure of meeting her father so he couldn't say one way or another if she shared any traits with the late Frank McKenzie…although he did recall a moment when he and Kate had been watching a clip of her mother on television as reporters followed her after she had renewed her license to practice law.

" _There it is," Kate stated, her eyes glued to the screen._

" _What?" Castle asked; studying the scene playing out on the television screen._

" _McKenzie arrogance," she replied. "Look at her, the way she juts her chin upwards and narrows her eyes, her head high…she looks just like Grandpa when she does that. She's got the whole package today, that McKenzie arrogance that Grandma always mumbled about and that walk that Dad always says is her 'don't fuck with me' walk; it's written in every step as she struts down the sidewalk like a woman on a mission with no fear of anyone who doesn't like it. She's pissed and she's striking matches and setting bridges on fire with them…and she's laughing at the flames because she feels like she's somehow in control of the blaze…God only knows how many people are going to burn in the wake of whatever the hell she's up to now."_

He shook off the memory and looked across the table at his mother-in-law; when she had first re-emerged into the world after Bracken's arrest, she had spent a lot of time walking around with her head lowered. He wasn't sure what had made her stop doing that but it was something he rarely seen her do since those times. She would lower her gaze, as she was doing now, but she didn't lower her head...she did often jut her chin upwards and narrow her eyes though when she felt offended or attacked. McKenzie arrogance…or perhaps it was merely McKenzie pride. It was a part of her armor, that was for sure. In the classroom, with her students, her features had been soft, her smiles easy, affection for the young legal minds she was helping to mold glittering in her eyes in those moments before she called the class to order. When she was with Kate and things were good, that same softness remained, maternal love and pride glowing brightly in her eyes. With Jim she radiated love; everything about her changed when he was in the room; her eyes and features awash with a love so strong that you sometimes had to look away, fearful you were intruding on a private moment.

With him and his family; Johanna's expressions were more reserved…cautious even, if he had to clarify; as if she wasn't sure she was welcome in their midst and he had to admit that they had all probably done a poor job at making the transitions easy. Kate had been in the process of being subtly absorbed into his family long before Johanna came home and he had only met Jim twice before that homecoming that had upended everyone's lives. Before Johanna, his private world had been mostly Kate, Alexis and his mother…he hadn't had to share any of them and Jim seemed scarce so he wasn't thought much about, as terrible as it seemed. But Johanna's homecoming had changed the scheme of things…like an exiled Queen who had returned to reclaim her throne and restructure the order that had fallen into place in her absence. In the midst of danger, she had been brought into the fold and safety of not only her own family but his as well…and when the danger passed…well…perhaps they had tossed her back out without meaning to or realizing that they had done so.

"It's alright, Rick," Johanna said, drawing him out of his thoughts.

"What is?" he asked.

"That your mother and I don't get along all that well. We don't see each other all that often and when we do, I give more effort at ignoring the things that annoy me…like her snippy little comments she always makes. We're not going to be best friends but I'm sure we can politely tolerate each other once in awhile."

"Just polite tolerance of each other?"

"What more do you want?" Johanna asked.

"I was hoping the two of you could act like family."

She sighed softly and laid her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Rick," she said softly; "I can't say that I know all of your history, but I think perhaps you've always been a member of a small family. My family is somewhat larger when you count siblings and aunts and uncles, cousins and all that. I assure you that every family in the world has members that don't particularly care for each other. It doesn't mean that the family unit is damaged; it just means that the family is made up of many different personalities and traits and that they don't always combine well. The issues between Martha and I in no way affect any feelings attached to you; I don't hold any of Martha's offenses against you and I know that she would never, ever, hold anything against you in any regard. Families aren't perfect; they're messy, just like life. It's okay to be messy sometimes…family life isn't like a Coke commercial; we're not always going to stand on a hill top and sing in perfect harmony."

Castle smiled a little at the analogy; he had been too young to recall the original airing of the commercial she referred to but he had seen it on those shows that named the best commercials of all time. "I could buy you more Coke though if it would help."

She patted his hand in a way only a mother could and then pulled her hand back to grasp her cup of soda that was nearly empty. "I would happily accept delivery of a truckload of Coke; then I wouldn't have to worry about running out of soda during a blizzard; but it wouldn't change anything between Martha and I…and it's okay."

"But what if you share a grandchild one day?"

"Then Martha and I will work out a babysitting schedule…she might have nudged me out of the wedding planning but I'll be damned if she'll stand between me and my grandchild. That will never happen, my dear; especially when that will be my first grandchild…and her second. No; she's not taking that one from me; we'll arrange some schedule to keep things balanced."

"It's good to know that you have a plan."

"When it comes to my future grandchildren; I won't let anything to chance…and I won't be so easily walked on," Johanna said seriously.

He gave a slight nod in acknowledgment; he had no doubt that Johanna would take her role as grandmother very seriously. Before he could make another comment, her phone rang and she pulled it from the pocket of her blazer. He knew without asking that it was Jim, the answer was written across her features as they softened, her green eyes becoming lighter, holding a sparkle, a smile sliding across her lips as she her thumb quickly swiped the icon with a graceful flick to accept the call. "Hi, honey," she said, her voice soft, love written in every nuance of her tone.

He couldn't help but watch as she listened to her husband's voice on the other end of the line; he could just barely make out his father-in-law's words; but he heard the one that mattered…" _Sweetheart."_ Her dark lashes fluttered, her eyes closing for the briefest second as that word saturated her soul, her smile softer, coy…as if the word held some secret only she knew.

"Are you on your way home?" she asked; her voice low, a softness that existed only between lovers coloring her words and translating them into the unspoken 'are you coming home to me?'

He knew that the answer must be yes as the corner of her lips twitched slightly and curved upwards, her posture becoming more relaxed as tension eased within her body.

"Good," Johanna said in response. "I miss you."

Castle had a feeling that he had been temporarily forgotten…and he was sure that his father-in-law had missed her as well. The flutter of lashes and her fingertips toying with the diamond heart pendant around her neck seemed to confirm that she had indeed been given that answer.

"I'm at lunch," he heard her remark; a beat of silence following as Jim asked his next question. "At McDonalds with Rick."

So perhaps he wasn't as forgotten as he had thought, Castle mused as her gaze flicked toward him. "Jim says hello," she told him.

"Hello to Jim," he said in return.

Johanna imparted his greeting and then listened to whatever her husband was saying.

"Everything is fine," she said finally. "Classes went well and I'll be leaving here in a few minutes."

Apparently their conversation about messy families and her disagreements with his mother were at an end, Castle thought to himself upon hearing her words; but of course her nuggets were gone and so were her fries.

"Yeah; I can do that," he heard his mother-in-law say with a soft laugh. "No; it won't be any trouble. I was going to stop at the market on the way home anyway, I'll just grab a pack of chicken there and I won't have to worry about thawing any."

Jim must've put in a dinner request, he surmised as she reached into her purse and grabbed her small notebook and pen; quickly jotting down a few things to the list she had made at some earlier point in time. "Anything else?" she asked.

Johanna closed her notebook and dropped it and her pen back into her bag. "Alright; I'll see you in a little while…yes, I'll let you know I got home safely."

The fear still lingered, Castle couldn't help but realize…and suddenly he realized that it was why Johanna always looked a little lost when Jim wasn't in the same city as her. He saw that look now, just a subtle flicker of it in her eyes; longing and slight fear, perhaps worry until they were reunited once again.

"I love you too," Johanna murmured; her voice warm and low. "Be careful."

He tore his gaze away from her, feeling like he had intruded on one of those personal moments he had thought of earlier as she said goodbye and ended the call.

"Rick; I have to be going," Johanna remarked as she tucked her phone into her purse. "Jim is on his way back and I need to stop at the market and get a few things for dinner."

"What did he request?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Fried chicken and baked potatoes," she answered. "He wants cole slaw too."

"Sounds good."

"It's his favorite," Johanna replied; although she was sure everyone knew that tidbit about her husband. "Thanks for lunch."

"I did promise you chicken nuggets," Castle replied as they picked up their trays to empty them into the trash. "I thought maybe it would be good compensation for allowing me to sit in on two classes instead of just one today."

"Chicken nuggets are always good compensation," she said as they headed for the door. "I hope the classes were helpful."

"I took some notes," he remarked; "Thanks for letting me hang onto the book for a few days."

"No problem," Johanna said, her stride somewhat quicker as she spotted her car; as if time was of the essence now that she knew her husband was on his way home to her.

"I'll see you Tuesday at the usual time and place," Castle stated as she unlocked her car door.

"I'll be there," she said with a soft sigh.

"Look at the bright side; we now have mother off the list…despite not having a good clear resolution for that issue."

"If it's meant to be resolved, time will take care of it, Rick," she assured as she put her bag in the car.

"You always sound so sure of things," he remarked.

She shrugged. "Life never delivers something we can't handle…sometimes you have to make your peace with the fact that some things can't be fixed and that you can't spend your life dwelling on them. You just have to carry on…think about the things you do have and be thankful. I like Martha overall; we're just not good at the family thing or the friend thing…but that's fine; I have an amazing best friend who gets me…and I'm sure Martha has an amazing best friend as well who gets her. We don't have to be best friends just because our children are married to each other."

"I guess that's true," Castle replied; but he couldn't help but feel like he had somehow failed at something.

His mother-in-law smiled slightly and surprised him by reaching out and patting his cheek. "It'll be fine; trust me…go home and write about some terrible character getting thrown off a bridge, you'll feel better…name the character Melanie…let Erica do the throwing; make it somehow legally justified so Nikki doesn't have to arrest her."

"That wouldn't be a little self serving fantasy, would it?"

She shrugged. "We could both feel better if Erica threw Melanie off a bridge…for legal reasons…like self defense."

Castle chuckled quietly as he held the car door while she settled into the driver's seat. "If that scene should ever occur; I'll be sure to send it to you as soon as the last word is typed on the page."

"I'd appreciate it," she replied. "See you later."

"See you later," he told her; noting that she didn't often say the word "goodbye". She chose the more hopeful expression of "see you later" most times; just as he often chose a more hopeful expression at the end of a visit. He closed her door once her seat belt was buckled and he stepped back, returning her wave as she began to back out of her parking spot.

He leaned back against his own car as he watched her red mustang drive away. Perhaps she had been wronged in a lot of ways; especially where the wedding was concerned…and it only renewed his resolve that a grand gesture was needed. Surely a reunion with her sister would help ease the wounded feelings of a wronged mother of the bride. Yes; it was the only thing to do…he'd have to have a word with Mrs. Colleen Weston and see if he could persuade her to give her sister another chance…for the good of all of them.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 10

Later that afternoon, Castle stepped off the elevator and onto the fourth floor of Expressions Design Firm. The layout of the area was spacious and minimalist, monochromatic in color which didn't appeal to him; he preferred warmer tones but he figured his opinion on the firm's décor didn't matter much. What mattered was one of the senior partners, one Colleen McKenzie Weston. The floor was quiet, leading him to believe that he had chosen the right time of day for his visit as he wandered through the large waiting area and came upon a desk where a secretary was watching something intently on her computer screen.

"Excuse me," he said as he stepped in front of the desk.

The secretary looked up, her eyes growing wide as she did a double take. "Oh my God, aren't you Richard Castle?"

He smiled; perfect, he had a fan in the building. "I am," he replied offering his hand; "And who might you be?"

"Rhonda," the secretary replied. "I just love your books, Mr. Castle."

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, giving her hand a soft pat. "I'll have a few more out soon; I hope you'll enjoy them."

"Oh, I'm sure I will!" she exclaimed, fumbling for the paperback Nikki Heat novel that she read on her breaks. "Mr. Castle, will you please sign my book? If it's no trouble?"

"No trouble at all, I'd love to," he said with a smile as he accepted the book and grabbed a pen from the cup on her desk. He wrote a quick note commenting on her lovely smile and signed his name. "Here you go."

"Thank you," Rhonda replied as she accepted her book with reverence. "What can I help you with today, Mr. Castle?"

"I was hoping to see Mrs. Weston; is she in today?"

"Yes, she's here. She's one of our best decorators; you'll be very pleased with her."

"I'm not really here about that," he said quietly, leaning close as if he was sharing a secret with his new friend. "You see, Mrs. Weston is my wife's aunt; my mother-in-law's sister."

The secretary's eyes widened once more. "Colleen never mentioned that!"

"Shame on her," he said with a grin. "She's not expecting me but may I see her?"

"Of course, please follow me," she replied; rising from her desk, her book still clutched in her hand.

Castle followed behind Rhonda, ignoring those brief nagging ideas of second thoughts that floated through his mind. Rhonda paused at a door at the end of a short hallway and knocked.

"Come in," a voice called out.

The secretary opened the door and motioned for Castle to follow her. "Colleen, Mr. Castle is here to see you."

"Mr. Castle?" Colleen repeated.

Castle stepped into her view. "Hi, remember me?"

Colleen frowned. "Yes; I remember you…that will be all, Rhonda; thank you."

"It was so nice to meet you, Mr. Castle," Rhonda told him, smiling as she turned to head back to her desk.

"You too," he replied; stepping into the office and closing the door. "I hope I'm not disturbing you," he said to Colleen as she remained seated at her desk.

"Not yet," she remarked.

He smiled. "I can definitely tell who you're related to," he stated; although the resemblance didn't lie in Colleen's appearance for the most part. Colleen didn't share the dark hair of her siblings; instead her hair was light brown…and she had added blonde highlights that he didn't think suited her very well. Johanna's eyes were green and Colleen's were blue…she didn't have the same nose as her sister and niece…but the curve of her chin was the same as Johanna's and he noted that she seemed to have the same posture as her sister.

"Why are you here?" Colleen asked.

"I thought perhaps we could discuss a family matter."

Colleen shifted in her seat, a flicker of something akin to fear flickering in her eyes. "Is she sick?"

"Who?"

She swallowed; her mouth opening and closing twice before she could form the words. "My sister."

Castle regarded her with a studious gaze. "Would it matter to you? You did make a public statement saying that she'd be forever dead to you."

An odd sting of remorseful tears filled her eyes, her stomach tightening at the idea that maybe her sister was sick and that time was running out. "Is she dying? Just tell me the truth."

He shook his head. "No; I can honestly say that Johanna is the picture of health and wellness."

"You're sure?"

"Positive; I know for a fact that Jim drags her kicking and screaming to a yearly physical for insurance purposes; she's healthy, vital and active. I've seen her running on the treadmill; it's possible that she could outrun me."

A flicker of relief flashed in her eyes. "If she's okay, why are you here?"

"Because…I know she misses you."

Colleen shrugged. "So?"

"So I thought maybe you'd like to see her."

"Why?"

"I don't know…I thought maybe you missed her too."

"Yeah; well, I had a long time to get used to that, haven't I?"

"I know that's your favorite line but there's this rumor floating around that your husband is against you having a relationship with your sister."

Colleen frowned and swiveled in her chair slightly for a moment. "Paul says that we can't trust her…that we don't know what kind of trouble she brings with her. He said she's a blemish upon my family."

"And do you think she's a blemish?"

"I always knew that stupid job of hers would bite her in the ass one day," Colleen muttered.

"That doesn't answer my question," Castle replied. "Do you see her as a blemish upon your family?"

"I don't know," she murmured.

"How would you feel if your husband wasn't putting these ideas in your head? Because I can assure you that she's not bringing trouble. The danger that she was in has been dealt with; it's been done for a good while and she hasn't had any other problems. As for trust, you can't really think she enjoyed having to leave her family and her home, do you? You're her sister; surely you know how much she loves Jim…how much she loves Kate…the love she has for her siblings, nieces and nephews. You don't really believe that she did it for fun, do you? You do realize that someone wanted to kill her, that staying could've jeopardized her family. You understand that, right?"

Colleen bit into her bottom lip but gave a nod. "She's probably not the same though."

Castle's brow rose. "I haven't known her nearly as long as you have but based on what Kate and Jim say and what I know about her; I'd say she's the same woman she's always been…maybe a little quieter, easily hurt, but essentially the same. If she wasn't the sister you always loved, would she bake you a birthday cake and leave it on your porch?"

Her gaze dropped to the surface of her mahogany desk. "She's like Mom; she has to do something for an occasion no matter what."

"Is that a bad thing? The containers always come back empty; you do eat what she leaves for you…don't you?"

"Of course I do," she said tartly. "Those cakes and cookies are the ones our mother always made for me and when she was gone, Jo…"

"Jo what?" Castle asked as he sat down in the leather chair in front of the desk.

Colleen swallowed; a stubborn looking creeping across her features. "Johanna always made them once Mom was gone."

He nodded. "That's not hard to believe; you're her baby sister, with your parents gone, she would've felt it was her place to make sure you were taken care of…even if you were both grown with families of your own. I'm sure that also played into her decision to leave when that contract was out on her; it wasn't only Kate and Jim she worried for…she probably worried that they could get to any member of her family; that they might even find her little sister and lure her into some trap. She wanted you to keep you safe too, you know?"

"That may be; but she still lied…she still waited thirteen years to come home."

"She was waiting for the danger to be gone; and when she saw that Kate had been hurt, she knew the FBI wasn't keeping their end of the deal she made with them and she came home to end it herself…and she did; she and Kate ended it together. Now she's free. I know when we came to give you the news that we told you how she spent several months living under Kate's protection, do you recall that?"

"Yes."

"During that time, I had many conversations with Johanna; one of the things she always talked about was you; how much she missed her sister, how she couldn't wait to see you again if you'd forgive her enough. She told me about your beautiful singing voice, how you wanted to be a singer but your father squashed that dream. I know your favorite flowers are daisies. She told me about how the two of you would spend summer nights as young girls, camped out in her bed with a flashlight and a Nancy Drew novel that you'd read out loud to each other; those nights reading with you are among her fondest memories. Later on, she told me about how she remembered the day your mother brought you home from the hospital, dance recitals, walking to school together. She's told me how you always robbed her of the last cookie after school and how she helped you make the cheerleading squad. I've heard about the concerts and vacations, I've seen your wedding photos, heard about how she was in the delivery room with you for two of your children. If she had changed so much; would she recall those things so clearly, so fondly? If she didn't think about you or care, why does the mention of your name bring tears to her eyes? And if you're so sure that you're okay with her not being in your life; why did the thought that something was wrong with her bring tears to your eyes?"

"I don't want her to die," Colleen said, her voice taunt with emotion. "I was angry when I said…well when I gave that statement."

"Johanna doesn't begrudge anyone their anger over the situation; she was angry too…she was hurt too, you know?"

"I guess so," she murmured.

Castle met her gaze. "I know so…and surely you have some fond memories of her, don't you? They can't all be tainted just because she chose to stay alive so she could come back and be with the people she loves most."

She shrugged; her lips pressing into a thin line…a trait he'd seen Johanna exhibit many times.

He glanced around the office as silence filled the air and his gaze landed upon a picture frame that sat on one of the built in bookcases. He rose and moved toward it, reaching for the double sided gold frame. "You must have some fond memories and love for her still…you still have her picture in your office," he remarked; his gaze straying to the photo on the left side of the frame, an old black and white studio made portrait of Johanna and Colleen; if he had to hazard a guess, he'd peg his mother-in-law for being no more than five and Colleen three. Colleen was sitting on her sister's lap, smiles on both their faces, Johanna's small arms wrapped around her little sister's waist, holding on to her tightly. On the right side of the frame was a color photo; they were young, clad in bikini tops and shorts, smiling brightly, their arms around each other. He smiled. "God, she looks so much like Kate on this picture," he said aloud.

"Well, if Katie was a little shorter and had darker hair, she'd be her twin," Colleen remarked; her tone quiet.

He nodded. "No doubt about it. When was this picture taken? When she took you to Miami for your high school graduation gift?"

"What does my sister do; call a family story hour?" Colleen asked, her tone somewhat sharp.

Castle returned the frame to its place on the shelf and turned back to the desk. "No, she doesn't call story hour…but during the aftermath of her homecoming, I suggested that she write as a little bit of self therapy," he remarked as he pulled some folded up pages from his pocket that he had printed off the night before and stashed in the glove box of his car before going to Johanna's class and he slid them across the desk to her. "The first thing she wrote about was you…and if she knew I was giving you these pages, she'd probably kill me…but I think maybe you should read them, see how much she remembers, how much she loves you."

"She didn't send you?" Colleen asked.

"No; she doesn't know anything about this."

"If Johanna didn't send you, then why did you come?"

"I have my reasons."

"Which are?"

He suppressed an exasperate sigh. "I want to give her something she wants…"

"Why?"

"Because it's important to me…we've had our issues and I want our family to be better; I want it to be healed. I think there could be a lot of healing if you and Johanna were to reunite, so to speak."

Colleen scoffed. "Healing, huh…guess there wasn't any need for it when I wasn't invited to my niece's wedding."

"Don't blame Johanna for that; she had you on the list…Kate and I are the ones who took you off…Johanna fought Kate about it but she wouldn't budge. Your sister is completely innocent on that one; she did want you there but Kate didn't think it was a good idea and neither did I…and if I'm being completely honest; we pretty much vetoed a lot of Johanna's list when it came to guests and her ideas during the wedding planning; she kind of got pushed out in a lot of ways. There wasn't much healing for any of us during that process."

"She got pushed out of planning her only child's wedding?" Colleen asked.

"You could say that in a lot of ways," he replied; cringing as he remembered the small incidents that had pretty much shunned Johanna and her sense of tradition…and that big blow out in the dress shop when she'd finally been pushed around enough and temporarily boycotted attending.

"I bet she didn't take that well," Colleen remarked.

"Yeah," he said with a short humorless laugh; "There have been several things that she hasn't taken well…and I can admit that I am partly to blame."

"Uh huh…you shun me and cross my name of the guest list of my niece's wedding, admit to it to my face, basically imply that you don't treat my sister all that well yourself and you want to use me to score you some points with the mother-in-law?"

"No," Castle said with a shake of his head. "I'm not trying to use you and I'm not trying to score points. I just want to give her something to show that I care, that I want her to be happy; I want the family to be healed. Don't you want to see her? Talk to her? And by talking, I mean without the venom your previous meetings have had. Don't you want to hug her? Be glad that she's still alive and can be your sister again? I have to tell you, I think you do want it."

"Oh? And why do you think that?"

"Well, you haven't thrown me out of your office and you haven't been as hostile as the last time we met."

Colleen swiveled in her chair a little. "Maybe you caught me on a bad day; maybe I'm bored."

"The sketches on your desk suggest otherwise," he remarked. "I think you wanted to know; I think you want to talk to your sister, I think you want to see her but you're afraid to break away from your husband's thoughts and opinions. What's the worst that will happen if he finds out that you went and seen Johanna?"

"He won't like it."

"Will he hurt you?" Castle asked; "Is that the problem; because if he's that type of husband, we can get you out of that situation."

"No; he won't hit me," Colleen said; her gaze straying away from him; making him wonder if perhaps Paul hadn't been that type of husband at some point. "But he knows how to make life miserable."

"Who says you have to tell him that you've gone to see her? What if I arranged a lunch…I wouldn't even tell Johanna you were coming, just in case you backed out at the last minute. I wouldn't want her to be hurt if she knew in advance."

"She's always hurt by everything," Colleen said bitterly. "Our father always said that about her; he always said she was needy."

"I've heard that he could be a harsh man," Castle remarked.

She nodded. "Yeah…he hated her; and yet he was so damn proud of that stupid law degree. So very proud of the thing that almost caused her demise; I sometimes wonder what he would've thought if he had been alive when her so called death happened; would've he have called her stupid…or made a martyr out of her? Somehow I think it would've been option B…at least it would've been until her return and then I can guarantee you he would've raked her ass across the coals until there was nothing left."

"And yet it's been mentioned that you accuse her of being his favorite," he retorted.

"That's the strange thing about my father," Colleen replied; "He hated her…and yet it was like he saw more value in her than me. He was always so damn proud; he'd tell people, "my son is vice president of my company; I never have to worry about the future of the company with Frankie next in line and my daughter, Johanna; she's a very successful lawyer, you better be afraid to go up against my girl in court; and our youngest Colleen, she's a decorator."

"There's nothing wrong with being a decorator."

"Clearly it wasn't anything special to him…just like Frankie was 'my son' and Johanna was 'my daughter'…I was always 'our' youngest…like he didn't want to take all the blame alone for me so Mom got included; where his little prince and princess were 'his'."

Castle studied her intently for a long moment. "So you don't deny that he was harsh with Johanna; you claim he hated her, spoke badly of her personality and yet at the same time feel she was favored because of her career choice?"

"Yes."

"And yet you and Johanna had a good relationship in the past?"

She nodded. "Most of the time."

"But now suddenly this jealousy is an issue?"

"I'm not jealous!"

"It kind of seems like jealousy…and from what I've heard; Johanna thinks you were the favored daughter; that he didn't treat you as badly as he treated her."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Actually it does; but does any of it really matter? Is it safe to say that he wasn't the best father in the world to either one of you?"

"I suppose so."

"There's nothing that can be done about that now; he's been gone along time…both of your parents are gone; you only have Johanna and Frankie left; with the exception of an elderly aunt and numerous cousins. Wouldn't you rather have some peace with your siblings; be the family you used to be?"

"It's Johanna's fault that we're not; she's the one who left me! I didn't leave her, she left me! All my life she was there, she took care of me…and then she left me for thirteen years and then wants to come back and I'm just supposed to forgive her after I mourned over an empty grave…and no, I wouldn't rather that she really be in that grave despite what I said; but it still hurts. She left me; when she always promised that she'd be there…she's all I had!"

"I understand that you were hurt; but she didn't leave you on purpose," Castle told her. "I already mentioned that earlier; that she went to keep everyone she loved safe; she went so she could come back. She's not all you had; you have a brother and sister-in-law, you have nieces and nephews; most of all, you have a husband and children."

"They don't understand me," Colleen said sharply.

"But Johanna does?"

"She always did," she said, her voice cracking.

"Then wouldn't you like to have that understanding back?" he asked.

"Paul doesn't want her around."

"Who cares about Paul; you're your own person, she's your sister, she's known you a hell of a lot longer than he has. Don't tell him right away; like I said, you can come to lunch…no one is saying you have to be instant best friends. You can start slow with lunch once in awhile, get caught up, let the heavy stuff go for awhile if you need to…wouldn't you like that?"

"I don't know," Colleen murmured.

Castle tapped his finger against the folded up pages on her desk. "Maybe you'll feel differently after you read her memories of you…and whatever you do or decide, don't tell her that I came here…you know, just in case you get the urge to send a message to that secret email account she set up for you to send things to whenever you're of a mind to contact her."

"If it's so secret, how do you know about it?"

"She let it slip one day," he replied; "You see, I take my own advice; I meet her for lunch once or twice a week…trying to calm the waters, so to speak."

"Is it working?" Colleen asked.

"Depends on what topic I pick," Castle said honestly.

"She's always been a little picky about certain topics…but so am I."

"Must be a family thing."

"I guess so."

"So will you give it some thought?" he asked.

"I don't know."

Castle frowned as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and took out a card. He laid the card on top of the pages he had laid down. "My contact information is on the card if you'd decide that you'd want to join us for lunch one day…we meet on Tuesdays."

Colleen gave a nod. "Alright."

He conjured up a smile for her. "Thanks for letting me speak my piece; I'll let you get back to work."

"Wait…how's Katie?"

"She's fine," he told her. "I promise you that everyone is fine and healthy."

Colleen gave him a tightlipped smile. "Thanks for stopping by."

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Weston."

"It's Colleen; Mrs. Weston is my mother-in-law."

Castle smiled. "Ah, the joy of mother-in-laws."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Your mother-in-law happens to be my sister…you better watch it."

He gave her a nod. "Believe me; I'm trying to watch myself all the time…I'm just not always successful."

Colleen stared at the thick wooden door as it closed behind him, her mind racing with thoughts that she didn't really want to deal with. She forced her gaze away from the door and spotted the card and the folded pages he had laid down, but instead of reaching for them, she pulled open the middle desk drawer and took out an old hardback copy of a Nancy Drew novel. That first birthday cake that Johanna had left on her porch had came with a small box that contained the book and a card with a letter inside. Her sister had come across a few of the books she had kept and thought that she might like the remembrance of their childhood on the occasion of her sixtieth birthday.

Colleen frowned; God she hated that number…but she figured her sister hated it too. Paul hadn't been thrilled to discover Johanna's gifts, but she hadn't let him toss out the cake…and she kept the book at her office for safekeeping. She cracked open the cover, staring down at the 'This Book Belongs to' line where she and Johanna had written their names in their best grammar school handwriting. Colleen lightly brushed her fingers across the faded black ink and then lifted the book, holding it close to her nose as she breathed in the scent of aged pages…her mind recalling the soft scent of her sister as they huddled close together; back then they had both still smelled like Ivory soap and Johnson's shampoo. She could remember the smell of summer air through the open window.

She closed the book and clutched it to her chest, her gaze darting toward the picture on the bookcase taken on that trip to Miami…at eighteen and twenty they no longer had that soft smell of adolescence; by then she had smelled of Love's Baby Soft, Dove soap and Breck shampoo; while her big sister had fallen in love with a strawberry scented soap and shampoo and smelled of Charlie perfume. Colleen breathed deeply; the perfumes had changed over the years, money gave them the freedom to buy more expensive brands…but Johanna still smelled of that soft scent of strawberries while she preferred the scent of magnolias. It was funny how one could remember such things…how a whiff of those scents could bring comfort and take her home in some small way. She couldn't help but wonder how close to home she could get if she hugged her sister, breathed in the scent of strawberries…would it take her back, and if it did, would it break her? Could she handle going back? It was easier when she didn't have to think so much about it, Colleen thought to herself as finally laid the book back in the drawer and pushed it shut; her fingers reaching for the pages she had been given, unfolding them and settling back to read.

* * *

"I missed you," Johanna murmured as she snuggled against Jim that night.

"I missed you too," he replied; his lips brushing across her forehead as he tightened his hold on her. "It's good to be home with you…in my own bed."

She smiled against his shoulder. "The accommodations weren't up to your standards?"

"It's hard for anything to live up to the quality accommodations you provide here at Hotel Beckett."

She laughed. "So if I had been there to wash the sheets, it would've been alright?"

"Only if you were laying on them with me," he chuckled.

"That's a pretty smooth answer, Mr. Beckett."

Jim grinned as she angled her head to look at him. "Smooth but good as well."

"Mhmm, very good."

"I should hope that I've picked up a few good answers along the way," he laughed.

"I guess I trained you right, honey," she teased, her hand patting his chest.

"Of course you did; you wouldn't let me out into the world without you if I didn't have a certificate stating I completed my course at the husband training academy," he said lightly.

Johanna tweaked his side. "I can just imagine the woman bashing that went on while you and Zach were sitting in Albany last night enjoying your freedom."

"I'll have you know that Zach and I sat around pining for our wives and extolling their virtues while waiting for that beautiful moment when we'd get back home to them."

"Uh huh," she giggled. "You two were probably out playing pool somewhere."

"Only to ease our pain, sweetheart."

"I knew it," Johanna laughed. "Did you win?"

"A few games," he replied. "I lost the others because I was thinking about you."

"My, my; we're all about smooth answers tonight, aren't we?"

"Absence makes the heart grow even fonder, sweetheart."

"Uh huh, did you get in some kind of trouble I'm going to find out about?" she jested lightly.

Jim shook his head. "No; I was a very good boy."

"That didn't sound convincing at all," she laughed.

Her husband grinned. "Now you know I only do bad things when you're there to be my partner in crime."

"That's so if the cops show up, you can blame me."

"Not at all, sweetheart; I'd take the fall. You're too pretty for jail."

"I'd get you out," Johanna told him.

"I know; I wouldn't worry for a minute. I'd do the same for you."

"I know," she whispered.

His fingers toyed with her hair, curling it around his fingers. "We didn't really talk about your day."

"I was more interested in your trip and your work," she replied. "You were more interested in dinner and asking for seconds."

He laughed. "More proof that I missed you."

"You just want me around to feed you and make sure you're sleeping on clean sheets," she laughed.

"Those are just bonuses," Jim chuckled. "I want you around for every reasonable imaginable but mostly just for yourself….unlike you, who just wants me around to keep you warm while you're sleeping and to shovel out your car in the winter."

"You liar!" she exclaimed, smacking his chest. "You know that's not true at all."

"You're right, that's not true…I forgot that you also want me to kill spiders," he laughed.

She lightly smacked him again. "Keep that up and you're sleeping alone tonight."

"No; I did that last night," he replied; "I didn't like it. I kept reaching for you in the middle of the night."

"I know the feeling," she murmured, her fingers curling into his hip. "It's hard to fall asleep when I'm not touching you somehow…I never sleep well when you're not here."

"I know," he said quietly; knowing that it wasn't just because she missed him; but because she didn't feel quite as safe when he wasn't there with her. "But I'm home now and neither one of us to go to work for the next two days."

"I'm glad."

"You still haven't told me about your day," he replied.

"There's not much to tell," Johanna said with a sigh. "I got up, fed Scarlett, ate breakfast, talked to you and went to work."

"How were your classes?"

"They were fine; the kids in the Civil Rights class got their last warning about picking a topic for their papers so I'm probably being cussed by someone somewhere at this very moment…not that I care," she stated lightly. "In the other two classes; I paired them off for the first case building project."

"I saw there was an apple downstairs on the counter," Jim remarked.

"Don't be jealous," she laughed.

"I knew it was from your admirer," he teased.

"Should I tell him to be on the lookout for you?"

"No; I don't want your admirers to be warned…but I might have to stop by your class one day and make sure everyone knows you're married."

"You're more than welcome to come by, but I mention you quite often so I'm sure they all know."

"Uh huh; who did you pair Brady with in gratitude for his generosity?" Jim asked, a playful note in his tone.

"Brittany."

He angled his head to glance at her. "You're not trying to find her baby a new daddy, are you?"

Johanna narrowed her eyes slightly. "You're the second person today to accuse me of matchmaking."

"Well are you?" he laughed.

"I'm cultivating a friendship," she stated.

"Mhmm; I remember the last time you cultivated a friendship…I ended up in a church getting married."

Johanna smirked at him, trying to keep from laughing. "You are just asking for it tonight, aren't you?"

"It depends on what you want to give," he chuckled. "There a few things I wouldn't mind…but you've also got that mean streak lurking in there somewhere, and that side thinks up things I don't like when it's aimed at me."

"I'll have to give the matter some serious deliberation," she quipped.

"Choose wisely, sweetheart."

"Oh I always do."

"Who else accused you of matchmaking?"

"Rick."

"He showed up for your class?"

"Yeah."

"How was that?"

"It was fine."

"I guess that's how you ended up at another lunch with him?"

"Yeah…Katie better never say I don't love her."

"What was today's topic?"

"Today's topic was why I don't get along with Broadway."

Jim laughed. "I take it that you're not talking about the theater district."

"No; we both know who I'm talking about."

"Queen Martha," he stated.

"You got it."

"I'm guessing it's still all your fault?"

"Well of course, honey; I mean how dare anyone think that Martha is capable of making herself unlikable? It's all me, I'm the bad one."

"I like when you're bad," her husband said suggestively, giving her hip a soft squeeze.

She laughed softly. "You definitely have an agenda tonight, don't you?"

"No comment."

"Which says it all."

He laughed quietly. "Back to your lunch topic…"

"There's not much to say; Rick apparently thinks his mother and I should be best friends, having lunch and shopping together because we're 'family'," she stated.

"Technically, she's Katie's family," Jim stated. "We're not related to her. She's made it very clear that she doesn't think much of us…like all those things she said about baseball…and drinking black coffee…she was pretty much saying that I'm boring."

"Well that goes to show how little she knows," Johanna declared; "Because you're far from boring. If she only knew half the adventures we've had…and baseball is wonderful."

"It's the best sport there is," he said defensively. "And she called it dull…and for people lacking a pulse…and we know she meant that about me; I heard that tone in her voice when she said it."

"They're all lucky that I didn't dive across the table then and there," Johanna stated; "Because I seriously considered it."

"I know; I could feel it," he replied.

"I had a feeling you did…your hand clamped on my thigh was only thing holding me in that chair."

"If it makes you feel any better; sometimes I wish I had let you do it," he said with a grin.

"Sometimes I wish you had too."

Jim chuckled. "You got off a pretty good shot at her though in return…something about how an actress can't appreciate a game like baseball when her head is too full of award speeches she's never going to have to make."

"That was a beautiful moment," his wife replied; "I thought her eyes might pop right out of her head."

He laughed. "And then I believe she made a crack about you being a typical 1970s Tammy Wynette, Stand by Your Man, little woman."

"I loved the 70s and I do stand by my man," Johanna stated; "And I'll take on anyone who maligns you…but Martha has no idea how close she came to eating her teeth that night."

"At least you got her back by saying that at least you've had the same man since the 70s unlike some people," he replied with a grin.

"We were home early that night," she laughed.

"Yeah; we were…Katie was never so happy to be called into work."

Johanna brushed a kiss against her husband's cheek. No one insults you and gets away with it."

"You lived up to your nickname; it was a proud moment."

"Speaking of my nickname; thanks for my cup," Johanna said, thinking about the purple travel mug that her husband had brought home for her. Written upon it in swirly white script were the words 'Classy and Sassy'.

"I'm glad you like it; I knew it was meant to be yours as soon as I saw it. Make sure you have it with you one day when you're forced into a 'be better friends with Martha Rodgers lunch'."

"That day will not come," she declared. "I draw the line at that one. We come from different worlds; she doesn't like me and thinks she's a better mother to my daughter; and I'm not crazy about her. I go through this lunch business with Rick for Katie's sake but I will not go through this with Martha; absolutely not."

"I don't blame you, sweetheart."

"The wedding was mentioned," Johanna stated.

"I guess we're still the bad guys in that too for having the audacity to want to give our daughter what she wanted."

"Seems that way…I'm still old fashioned by the sound of it."

"You're not old fashioned…you just don't like nonsense," Jim replied. "Like a girl as best man."

"Don't even get me started on that again," she told him.

"The whole thing brought back memories of your suffering during Colleen's wedding."

"Mhmm; it was like Colleen: The Sequel."

"That's enough to put chills down your spine," he laughed.

Johanna laughed softly, raising up on her elbow so she could meet his gaze; her fingertips caressing the line of his jaw. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too," Jim murmured, drawing her closer for a kiss. "Just forget about all of it for now…let's just think about us."

"Now that's my favorite topic," she replied.

* * *

"We're going to change the name of morning sickness," Kate declared as she accepted the cold wash cloth her husband handed her.

"What are we going to call it?" he asked; reaching for her toothbrush so that he could put the toothpaste on it for her.

"We're calling it nighttime sickness," she replied.

"It does seem a little more fitting at times. On the bright side, with it occurring at night, no one is wandering around downstairs to hear it and pick up on the possibility of the cause."

She nodded as she began to brush her teeth and he retreated to the bedroom to straighten the bed. In her hurry to reach the bathroom in time, Kate had thrown the covers with a flourish and they were laying half on the floor. By the time he finished, she was making her way back to her side of the bed and climbing in with a weary sigh. "I'm sorry I wasn't awake when you got home," she told him as he tucked the covers around her.

Castle shook his head. "It's alright, you need your rest."

She smiled. "But still; I probably haven't been in bed at nine since I was a kid."

"It's alright, I won't tell anyone," he quipped, brushing a soft kiss against her lips.

"I appreciate it; but since I'm awake now. How did your reading go at that mystery writer's symposium?"

"I went well," Castle told her. "Personally I think it was much more entertaining than Patterson's reading."

"In your unbiased opinion?" she quipped with a grin.

"Of course. How did you do in court?"

"Fine; there weren't any issues. Paperwork kept me at the precinct until almost six though…and then Gates wanted to chat about the court hearing, that's why I missed your call before you took off for your event."

"It's alright; I figured you were busy."

Kate shifted a little to get more comfortable. "Did you go to Mom's class?"

"Yeah, I did…I stayed for the one that followed it too."

"Really?"

"Yeah; it was very interesting. She let me borrow the textbook; that and the notes I took while she was teaching helped me work through a scene I was having trouble with for the new series."

"I'm glad it helped. Did she have any issues with you watching her teach?"

"No, she didn't seem to…honestly, she's like a different person there."

"In what way?"

"Like she's…I don't really know how to explain it. She's just very focused and in control. She's good at what she does, she's firm and yet maternal towards her students…possibly matchmaking in the case of two of them…"

"That doesn't surprise me," Kate said with a soft laugh.

"Surprised me a little," he replied lightly. "I'm pretty sure one young man has a crush on her."

"Well, she's still a beautiful woman; how could men not have a crush on her?" she asked. "Although Dad would probably prefer that no one have a crush on her."

"I don't think he has to worry; the boy in question is the one she's matchmaking for."

"Wait, is it Brady?"

"Yeah; how did you know?"

"He's one of her favorite students. He took her class last semester but failed it because of his test scores. She sees something in him though; she says he has what it takes if he can just focus a little more on the tests."

"He brought her an apple."

"He usually does at least once a week," she remarked.

"One student brought her baby," Castle stated.

"Brittany?" Kate asked.

"You know?"

She met his eye. "Rick; I do talk to my mother. You said yourself she tells me more about her job than she tells you."

"I know…I guess I just didn't realize that you took in the details to the point of knowing the names."

"I do listen when she speaks," she remarked. "She's my mother, this is her work; those kids are important to her. She listens to me tell her about my job, it's only fair to listen in return. She's mentioned that Brittany brings her baby sometimes when she can't get a sitter."

"Today was one of those days," he went on. "Your mother carried the baby around the classroom with her for half the class."

A soft smile touched Kate's lips. "Mom's never met a baby she didn't want to hold."

"Little Sophie seemed very content with her."

"She's got a way with babies; she always has…wait until you see her as a grandmother; she's going to be so wonderful to our baby. She's going to love it so much…and spoil it rotten no matter what we say."

"I'm sure she will…on all accounts."

"What did you do after class?" Kate asked; sensing that he didn't want to hear her gushing about what a good grandmother her mother was going to be.

"I talked your mother into going to lunch."

Her brow rose. "She went…again?"

"She did."

"And?"

"I guess we crossed my mother off the list of topics," Castle stated.

"Sooo…does that mean it was a good lunch or a bad lunch?"

"I'm not really sure," he said honestly.

"What happened?"

"Like I said; we discussed mother."

"Once again I ask, and?"

He shrugged. "It seems to me that most of her issues with my mother are really issues with you that she blames on my mother."

Kate sighed. "Please tell me that you didn't tell her that and that she's now decided to be mad at me and isn't speaking to me."

Castle shook his head. "No; I didn't say it like that. I might've mentioned it once but she was adamant in her blaming of my mother."

"Good," she aloud without meaning to.

"What do you mean good?"

"I've spent enough time being on bad terms with my mom, Castle. Once they got back from London, I made the effort to smooth things over with her because I didn't like where our relationship was. She pulled away from me in a lot of ways…and it made me realize how much I didn't want her to be distant…so if she wants to think her issues are with Martha; and for all I know, they are; then I'm not going to obliterate my relationship with her to change that."

"You'd rather my mother take the fall?" he asked.

"They don't see each other all that often," she replied. "Besides; she does have legitimate gripes against Martha in some areas. For example, your mother should've never gone over there and told her she was ridiculous and gave her parenting advice. Martha brought that wrath on herself. Martha also makes it a point to pick at little things, like her career choice, her seriousness about certain matters. It's also been Martha who has said certain things that have provoked her ire and caused problems between all of us."

"But the root of all the issues is that she thinks my mother was somehow keeping you from her…that she was trying to take her place in your life and that is ridiculous."

"It's not to her, Castle," Kate stated. "Just because it seems that way to you…and Martha; doesn't mean she has to feel the same way."

"It's just stupid though; she's your mother, of course no one can take her place," he said in exasperation.

"She's not stupid," his wife said sharply as she sat up, her eyes narrowing at him.

"I didn't say _she_ was stupid; it's the _idea_ that's stupid."

"You can't tell her how to feel, Castle. She's allowed to feel whatever she wants; let her alone about it. So what, they're not going to have lunch together once a week and swap gossip; they don't have to. It's okay if they're not crazy about each other."

He sighed. "Yeah; that's what she said…which to me means that she has no desire to improve things in that area."

"You can't make them be friends; let it be."

"We're a family; we should be able to get along."

"They'll do fine; maybe one day it'll get better between them on it's own. It's not something you can make happen. There's hurt feelings involved in that mess and you don't have a magical cure all for that."

"The wedding was mentioned a lot in relation to my mother," Castle said, his fingers gripping the edge of the comforter. "She wasn't happy that Mother tagged along when you were dress shopping."

"That's because it was just supposed to be us," Kate replied as she laid back down. "I promised her that…but I didn't know how to tell Martha that she couldn't come. I tried to; I tried to hint that we wanted it to be a mother-daughter outing only but if she caught that idea, she brushed it aside and came along anyway. I love Martha…but looking back, you have to see that she did overtake a lot during the wedding process and it wasn't her place. I let her get away with it and in the process hurt my own mother…and we don't ever get to do that over. So many things went wrong with the wedding planning; we all took a lot away from her in that department."

"I know; she reminded me…of all the big things," he replied.

"Like the money?"

"Yeah…although I think for her it's more about defending your father's honor."

"We hurt them both," Kate whispered; regret in her voice. "We really blew the whole thing for them."

"You agreed that it was silly to have them pay for things," he remarked.

"I know…but if I could go back and change things now, I would," she admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeah…I'd let them pay for the wedding and I'd make sure my mother wasn't left out of things…and there wouldn't have been that big fiasco over the dress she wore. As long as she was there, I didn't give a damn what she wore."

"Yeah…the dress incident was mentioned too."

"I'm sure it was."

"She hopes Alexis does to me what we did to them."

"Mom is a firm believer in karma and justice," Kate replied. "The universe will probably agree with her and Alexis will elope in Vegas and send us a post card after the fact…or we'll read it on her Facebook page."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't say things like that…especially before I go to sleep. I'll have nightmares."

She smiled and patted his chest soothingly. "Well don't worry; maybe it won't be Alexis who does that…it might be our kid."

"You're still giving me nightmares, Kate."

"Sorry," she said with a soft laugh before turning serious; "But you see why it's so important that I tell her about the baby in just the right way, don't you? I have to give her this moment…we've made a lot of mistakes; we can't ruin this one."

"I know…and I assume you have a plan in mind for how you want to do it."

"I do; but I'm keeping it to myself for now," she told him.

"But why?"

"Because, I don't want you thinking you can come up with something better and making me doubt myself," Kate replied. "Now how mad was she after lunch? She sent me a text saying Dad got home but I didn't talk to her this evening…I didn't want to interrupt them."

"Funny thing is, she didn't seem mad," Castle replied. "She was a little defensive and miffed while discussing the issues that involved mother but she didn't seem annoyed with me when she left…of course she was hurrying off to the store to buy chicken. Your father called while we were having lunch…once she knew he was on his way back; she was off and running."

"Are you surprised?" she laughed. "You know they're crazy about each other."

"Oh I know; I knew he was the one calling without her even saying a word. Her whole face just lit up as she hurried to accept the call."

"It's always been that way," Kate remarked. "Sometimes he had to travel for work and even though she tried not to let on, it was easy to see that it drove her crazy when he was away. We always had to be home in time for his phone call and the night before he was due back, she'd be cleaning and baking and planning his favorite dinner to welcome home. Sometimes he'd sneak home early just to surprise her."

"How did she take that?"

"She would be very happy," she replied. "When he'd come home early; he'd go to her office and convince her to leave work early and they'd get me out of school early and we'd go out and have fun most of the evening."

"I'm sure he probably didn't have to do too much convincing to get her out of work for his homecoming," Castle replied.

"You'd probably be right about that," she said, stretching a little in an attempt to relax her muscles that were sore from being sick. "I'm glad you put that Colleen idea out of mind though; that would really screw up the progress you've made."

"How do you figure?" he asked; trying not to tense.

"Because this week alone you've gotten three lunches, a dinner and she let you set in on her class; I'd say that's major progress, Castle."

"She does those things for you," he remarked. "I get reminded of that every so often."

"She has her limits though; even when it comes to me. I even told her she could say no about letting you in her class and I wouldn't be mad…but she let you come so that has to be worth something."

"Maybe…or she's just humoring us to be rid of me."

"She's doing better than you give her credit for…you said she wasn't mad about today's topic."

"She wasn't but like I said, she seemed adamant that nothing was going to change between her and Mother…and she says that's okay."

"It is," Kate stated. "They don't have to be friends….and Mom isn't the only one who would need to change to make that friendship work. Martha would need to change too…it's not all on my mother, you know?"

"But she's the one who started it."

"I think they both started it, Rick. Your mother has her moments; she's not immune to pettiness and crossing lines and snarky remarks. With us, she's the loveable Martha Rodgers; with my mother, she's a diva…and Mom doesn't like people who put on airs…and when they're in a room together lately, they're trying to one up each other. You said your piece about it, I'm sure Mom said hers; now let it rest. It'll take care of itself if it's meant to be resolved"

"Again, that's what your mother said."

"We can't both be wrong."

"I guess we'll see…but still; I think a bigger gesture would speed things along."

Kate eyed him. "You did put Colleen from your mind, right?"

Castle forced himself not to squirm as he hesitated to answer. He didn't think that Colleen seemed too receptive to the idea of a reunion so he figured it was safe to give Kate the answer she wanted. "Of course."

"Good; because if you mess in that, Mom will have your head on a stake."

He grimaced; that wasn't a pleasant thought to go to sleep with.

Kate didn't notice the grimace on her husband's face as she sleepily brushed a kiss against his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured. "Get some sleep."

His wife nestled against his side and swiftly fell asleep while Castle laid awake and prayed that his visit to Colleen wouldn't come back to bite him.

* * *

"Are you really sure you want to tackle the Martha Stewart case?" Johanna asked the young woman who was standing by her desk at the front of the classroom.

"Yes; I'm sure," she replied. "Why shouldn't I?"

Johanna pulled her glasses off and laid them on the desk. "Kaitlyn, I admire your enthusiasm but turning the Martha Stewart case into a civil rights case might be a more difficult task than you think."

"Oh no, it's not," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm positive that her civil rights were violated."

"I'm pretty sure her lawyers would've noticed if they had been."

"What if they just missed it?" her student asked. "She went to jail and she might not have had to; her image and career were tarnished."

"I don't know about that," Johanna said; "When she got out of jail she had a talk show…I remember her cutting her ankle bracelet off on the air. Her jail term seemed to make her more relatable and expanded her fanbase…as odd as it seems; but that's how it goes sometimes. You'd be hard pressed to prove that her career suffered from the incident. She's still going strong; magazines, home décor, TV shows; her talk show is over but she does other shows and is still a popular segment guest."

"Okay, so her career didn't suffer a lot; but I think I can make the case that her rights could've been violated."

She sighed a little. "Alright, Kaitlyn; give it your best shot…but remember, you have to back up what you feel are violations with sources from established civil rights cases."

Kaitlyn smiled brightly. "I can do it, Mrs. Beckett; you'll see."

She gave her a smile. "Alright…but also remember that I give you the first week to try out your main topic and if it doesn't seem to be working out; you come see me and you can go to plan B."

"I remember, but I can handle it," she said, slinging her backpack over shoulder. "See you Wednesday."

"I'll be here," Johanna said, a smile clinging to her lips. Some of her students had to make it harder than it needed to be…but she couldn't help but admire some of them for it.

Seeing that she still had a few minutes before her next class was due to walk through the door, she grabbed her phone to check for messages from her husband. There wasn't anything there from Jim but there was a message that caught her attention and she opened it swiftly; her eyes scanning the lines that had been written. "Son of a bitch," she muttered as she finished reading, betrayal and anger beginning to course through her veins. She hurriedly composed a return message and sent it before putting the phone back on her desk and moving to the window to stare out at the campus for a few moments before her students arrived. Her anger would have to wait.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Kate asked her husband as he typed something on his phone.

"Sending your mother a reminder about our lunch tomorrow," Castle answered.

"I'm surprised she hasn't told you to stop doing that yet," she replied as she put her paperwork in a file that was then tossed to the corner of her desk.

His thumb had just hit send when he noticed the time. "Oh, I forgot I was supposed to wait until later in the day…she's at work now."

Kate smirked at him. "You just can't stay out of trouble, can you?"

"Apparently not," he stated, his phone buzzing in his hand. "Look, she's replied already, probably to read me the riot act."

"Most likely."

Castle opened the message and scanned the reply. _"Oh, I'm looking forward to it. I'll be there on time, don't you worry."_

He smiled. "We're both wrong; she says she's looking forward to lunch tomorrow."

Alarm bells went off in Kate's head. "How exactly did she phrase that statement?"

His brow rose inquisitively. "She says 'oh, I'm looking forward to it. I'll be there on time, don't you worry."

The alarm bell in her brain grew louder. "Oh my God, what did you do, Castle?"

Confusion colored his features. "What are you talking about?"

"She's looking forward to it," Kate stated. "No, more than that, she said 'Oh, I'm looking forward to it'…that doesn't sound like it bodes well for you. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything; we left lunch on good terms last Friday," he remarked. "Don't be so suspicious."

"Castle; I know my mother."

"What, you don't think she could look forward to lunch and my conversation?"

"Not with the tone that message implies."

"What tone?" he laughed; "It's a text message…there is no tone unless there's cursing or biting sarcasm. This message is void of both."

"You are so wrong," Kate said with a shake of her head. "You did something…I don't know what it is or when you did it, but you did something and she's going to tell you off. I know her tell off phrases; I know her…she's not looking forward to lunch and stimulating conversation…she's looking forward to telling you off about something."

Castle scoffed. "She has no reason to tell me off; it's going to be fine…you'll see."

"Yeah," Kate replied; "We'll see alright…we'll just see."


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 11

As Castle approached the usual booth in front of the window, he saw that his mother-in-law was already there, her spoon clanging against the ceramic cup as she stirred her tea to cool it. Kate's repeated warning kept ringing in his ears and he couldn't help but think that the clang of her spoon was somewhat menacing. Surely that wasn't the case though, surely everything was fine…maybe she really had looked forward to lunch; it wasn't so hard to believe.

He slid into the booth across from her and smiled. "You must've gotten here early," he commented.

"I said I'd be on time," Johanna remarked; her tone somewhat clipped.

"You didn't lie," he said with a nervous laugh. He couldn't exactly read her expression but there was tension in her jaw, rigidness to her posture.

"You don't look very happy today."

She gave him a malevolent smile. "It's nice to see that working with cops is paying off for you, Rick. You're able to guess a mood."

"And sarcastic," he added. "What's wrong?"

Johanna leaned back against the booth, her back straight and her arms crossed as she regarded him with a piercing look. "I have a question for you, Rick; what did you do after we had lunch Friday?"

Trepidation slid done his spine but he did his best to ignore it. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just answer the question."

His brow rose. "Are we playing courtroom?"

"Answer the question."

"Well…I went home, took care of some things and then went out and ran some errands. After that, I went back home, did some writing and then got ready to go to the mystery writers symposium. That was an evening long affair so after that I went home to my wife."

"Uh huh," she said; "While you were running errands, did you make any special stops?"

Castle hesitated. "No…not that I recall."

Johanna nodded. "You don't recall?"

"Was there something unflattering about me on the internet?" he asked; hoping that was all this was. "Because you shouldn't believe everything you read online."

"Oh, I don't…as a matter of fact; I'm finding it hard to believe some of these answers I'm getting from you at the moment. Now I'm going to give you one more chance. Did you do something on Friday that you shouldn't have done?"

"No…I don't think so," he said slowly; doing his best not to squirm.

She smiled but it lacked warmth, he noted. Her eyes glittered with the look of one who was strategically planning a battle. Castle watched as she reached into her bag and took out her phone, touching the screen and waking it. Worry gnawed at his gut as she tapped the screen a few times until she found what she was looking for.

"Would you like to tell me why I got this message from my sister yesterday morning?" Johanna asked as she held the phone out to him.

This was so not good, he thought to himself as he took the phone and looked down at the screen where a long email greeted his gaze.

" _Just thought you should know that your son-in-law came to my office Friday hoping to plot a little behind your back lunch date for us…at least he claims he was doing it behind your back. I'm not sure I totally believe that…you do have a tendency to be pushy sometimes but I admit, you don't usually send someone to do your dirty work. During his big spiel, he made it clear that the two of you don't get along and that he's obviously trying to get on your good side with this little scheme of his. He mentioned that you got shoved out your own daughter's wedding planning so I figure you're probably not too fond of him and probably felt as unwelcome as I did when I wasn't even invited._

 _Your son-in-law also gave me some pages he had printed off of some big essay you had written about me. Honestly, sissy; I don't appreciate you sharing our stories with some outsider…they may be your memories too but that doesn't mean you need to share them with someone who will probably make them into some sort of dribble for a book about murderous siblings or something._

 _Maybe you should be more careful about who you share things with; he doesn't seem to have any qualms about spilling your secrets. Watch your back, Sissy."_

Castle swallowed hard and allowed his finger to move the screen so that he could read Johanna's reply to her sister.

" _Colleen, I swear I know nothing about this. I had no idea that he'd take it into his head to track you down and try to force you into seeing me. I'm so sorry; please believe me when I say I didn't stage this. I know how things are, I know you don't them to change and I've made myself make my peace with it. I'm just thankful for the small amount of contact you allow. I assure you that I will take care of the issue; and just for the record, I did want you invited to the wedding. I'm sorry I got overruled; and I'm sorry that Rick bothered you…and I'm even more sorry that he shared something that I meant to stay private. I will be more careful with what I share and I thank you for still having my back despite everything. I love you, Bug._

His brow furrowed at the usage of nicknames between the two sisters who seemed to be so at odds and didn't even see each other. He moved the screen once more to see if Colleen had replied but instead found another message from Johanna to her sister.

" _Colleen, please answer me…just let me know that you believe I had nothing to do with his visit and that it won't ruin what we've been able to achieve. I don't want to lose this contact…I know I always leave it up to you to initiate so I don't bother you but I just need to know this time. Please."_

He found a third message, it too from Johanna. _"Don't shut me out completely again, Colleen. Please. I'm sorry, I'll deal with him, I swear. Just please answer me."_

He squeezed his eyes shut as his mother-in-law jerked the phone out of his hand. Damn that Colleen, he thought to himself. He specifically remembered asking her not to notify Johanna about his visit. What was it about the women in that family? Why did they have to be this way? Why did they have to be so damn complicated?

"Well," Johanna said sharply. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"She wasn't supposed to tell you," he mumbled.

She scoffed. "Well you see how that worked out for you…and if you didn't want me to know, then maybe it's something you shouldn't have been doing in the first place."

His tongue felt tied as he tried to form the right words beneath her fiery gaze. "Don't be mad."

"Too late, I'm already mad," Johanna replied. "I've been mad since 9:45 yesterday morning."

He shook his head. "You don't need to be mad."

Her gaze stayed pinned upon his. "Don't tell me what I need or how to feel. What the hell were you thinking when you took yourself down to my sister's office and went there with this half baked scheme of yours," she demanded to know. "Does Katie know about this?"

"No, Kate doesn't know."

"That's good; because I'm sure she's knows better and would've told you to keep your damn nose out of my business."

His wife had told him that…in gentler terms of course but he had been warned…and had lied to his wife; which she was sure to find out about once his irate mother-in-law got through with him if he had to hazard a guess.

"I was trying to help you," he stated.

"Help me with what?" she said tartly.

"With your sister."

"With my sister," Johanna repeated. "You really thought it was wise to go seek out my sister and try to instigate some kind of meeting, when I recall recently telling you that I didn't even want to discuss the topic of my sister. In what world does me not wanting to talk about it mean you go and stick your nose into it?"

Castle took a moment to try and think of the perfect way to explain it all…surely he could convince her that he'd only had her best interests in mind. "I just thought that if you could see your sister, you'd be happier."

"I'm happy as I am."

"I don't really think you are," he replied. "I see how you look when she's mentioned and I thought maybe if you had your sister back; it would make things easier for you."

"What things?" she asked sharply.

"Life," he replied somewhat sheepishly. "I just thought if you had your sister, you'd…"

"I'd what?"

"You'd be better?"

"Better at what!" she exclaimed.

"I don't know…everything? Maybe you'd be a happier person…more open to healing all aspects of life if that area was cleaned up."

A ripple of hurt pooled in her heart; her family really thought she was a terrible person; one who needed help to be a better person. He was always saying that he didn't have a low opinion of her and yet he just kept proving to her that he did.

"If I'm so terrible; why don't you just leave me alone?" she asked. "Why do you keep dragging me through all of this if you think I'm so awful and that I suck at life so much? And if I really am so terrible; what makes you think you can cure me? You think because you managed to charm my daughter that you can charm me? That you can change me? Make me into the person you think I should be? You don't get to play with my life, Rick. You don't get to say what I need or how I should feel or what I should do. Who the hell do you think you are? You wonder why I keep you at arms length? It's because every time I start to give in, you do something to remind me of why I shouldn't. You had no goddamn right to go to my sister on my behalf and do anything!"

"I didn't think it would be a big deal," Castle stated; "I just figured if she didn't like the idea, she wouldn't call me to arrange the meeting; and if she did, it would just be a nice surprise for you."

"Oh, I got surprised alright," Johanna declared; "And how dare you give her what I had written! What possessed you to do that?"

"I just thought if she read it, she'd remember how much you love her."

"You had no right to give those pages to her," she said; her eyes blazing. "I allowed you to read what I wrote because I trusted you! I gave it to you in confidence; as a thank you for letting me read a few scenes you had written for the book you were working on at that time. I trusted you…how could you do that to me?"

"I told her not to tell," Castle said; his defenses rising. "I just wanted her to see how much she meant to you. You didn't stamp the word document top secret, you know."

Johanna swallowed hard. "Who else has read it? Who else did you show those pages to?"

"Johanna," he sighed.

"No; you tell me…who did you show my work to? I think I have a right to know."

He raked an agitated hand through his hair. "Kate…I let Kate read the stuff you sent."

Her chin trembled slightly, her eyes feeling with tears of humiliation. "Who else?"

"Your sister obviously."

"Don't play games with me," she demanded. "You tell me."

"Alexis stumbled across the things you sent one day when she was using my laptop."

"Because it would've been too much like work for you to delete it after you had read it, right?" she asked. "You just kept it around in case you needed to use it some day? I didn't give you permission to share my words with anyone! How would you have liked it if I had leaked your scenes online and spoiled your book's plotline? How would that have made you feel? Would you feel betrayed, Rick?"

"I think that's a little different."

"Yeah; it always is when it's you, isn't it?" she asked.

"I was just trying to do something to help you," he stated tersely.

"I didn't ask for your help!" Johanna said. "I didn't want anyone meddling in my business with my sister. I don't even tell Jim everything her messages say. It's between us, we were slowly finding a way that works for us and you had to go stick your nose it and it'll most likely ruin everything. All you did was hand her something that she can use to ridicule me!"

"Why would she do that? You only wrote about your memories and your feelings."

"You don't get it," Johanna retorted; her voice thick with emotion and tears glittering in her eyes. "I love my sister with all my heart, but I'm not blind to her faults. She's very vindictive when it suits her, and those pages will be a vulnerability she can pick at and make bleed every time it pleases her. You didn't help anything, you only made it worse. No one asked you to go there, and knowing Colleen, she probably believes I had something to do with it. So thank you, because I'm sure you just obliterated any chance I had, because I've done sent her three messages trying to fix this mess and she's not responding, so again, thank you; and for now on, unless I ask you to do something; keep your nose out of my personal business."

His jaw tightened with anger. "I only wanted to give you something that you clearly wanted."

"It wasn't up to you to give! It was up to my sister!"

"Well clearly she wasn't going to give it without some motivation," he retorted.

"And you think you motivated her?" she asked. "Has she rang your phone to schedule this magical meeting that's going to change everyone's world?"

"Johanna."

"Answer me."

"No, she hasn't," he said tartly. "But I thought it might take some time…she wasn't as hostile as I expected."

"So you go into her office expecting her to be hostile and you still thought it was a good idea?" Johanna asked.

"Yes; because it means something to you."

"I don't need you arranging my life!"

"I wasn't arranging your life; I was trying to give you your sister."

"You can't wrap her up like a baby doll and present her to me like a Christmas gift, Rick! We're not toys, we're real people and you can't just stick your nose in and start messing with something you know nothing about!"

"Oh my God, you act like I committed a crime and all I was doing was trying to give you something nice; something you wanted…so you'd know I care."

"You don't prove you care by messing in things that you haven't been invited to poke your nose into," Johanna said. "And you don't show me you care by taking something I gave you in confidence and letting everyone read it. Those were my words; not yours. You don't get to share mine; that isn't right."

"I only did it to help you!"

"You didn't help me," she retorted; "And for that matter, I didn't ask for your help!"

Anger rushed through him and he spoke before he thought about what he was saying. "You know what, Johanna; no one can ever be nice to you. My mother's right, you are a pretentious snob who wants everything your way or no way. You can't even accept a simple gesture of kindness. Nothing ever pleases you; nothing is ever good enough!"

"That's funny; because that's how I feel about you," she told him. "I have came to every lunch, I came to the dinner you invited me to, put up with your mother's remarks, I let you sit in two of my classes, I've been talking about things I don't believe need picked at but I keep doing it and it doesn't seem to be enough for you either. I don't know why you suddenly wanted to do any of this, and at the moment, I don't even care about the reason anymore, because you stepped across a line you had no business going across. You don't know my sister, you don't know anything about our relationship and no one asked you to make a grand gesture. I trusted you and you broke my trust and that's not something I take lightly."

"Because you're always the victim, right?" he said sharply. "Someone is always doing something to you; poor pitiful you, right, Johanna? Because that's how it comes off. Even when someone is being nice to you, you turn it into being victimized."

Fury and emotion warred within her. "Well, Rick; let me ask you something; if you don't feel you did anything wrong; why didn't you tell me you were going to go talk to my sister? Why didn't you ask if I'd mind?"

"I wanted you to be surprised…and I didn't want you to be upset if she said no."

She scoffed. "Well I got to be both in the long run, didn't I? I got surprised and I've been upset ever since that message came in, and like I said, she's not answering my messages and she probably never will now unless she has a specific reason to…like ridicule. I know how she operates; I've known her for sixty-one years…I know how her brain works."

"If you know it all, then why don't we ask why she waited until Monday to say anything about it? Why would she do that?"

"Because she was deciding on how to play it, Rick," she said sharply. "What part of vindictive don't you understand? And let's not forget that I have no idea what all you said to her that she might've taken offense too…hell she might've taken offense to just the fact that you walked through her door; and how dare you go to her office and air our dirty laundry, for that matter!"

"The door was closed, no one heard."

"I don't give a damn if the door was closed; you had no right to go there and say anything!"

"Yeah, you've mentioned that. I'm sorry I tried to do something nice for you. It won't ever happen again, because clearly you're someone that no one can please, except Jim…because he's blind to your faults and everything he does for you is wrapped up in rainbows and roses. You're the reason this family isn't happy," he declared. "It's not me, it's not my mother, it's not Alexis, it's not Kate. It's you…and you know what; sometimes I do wish you had stayed in Wyoming, because our lives were a hell of a lot more peaceful when you weren't around to make an issue out of everything. Everyone has to jump through hoops for you. I've been going through this whole thing to clear the air, to make things better, because I didn't want a third bad in-law experience…but nothing is good enough for you."

"We would've been fine if you had just stayed out of this part of my business, Rick," Johanna stated. "My relationship with my sister is my personal business and you have no right to meddle in it. Stay out of my business and everything will be fine."

"Fine; Johanna, if that's how you want it. I'll stay out of your business…and you can stay out of ours. Does that suit you? Because I kind of think that's what you want. You like being distant so you can hang on to your martyr status. You only show up at these lunches for Kate's sake and because you think I have a hidden agenda…"

"I've never denied either one of those things," she stated.

"Of course not; that's that virtue of honesty you cling to…while ignoring the fact that you also lie…you've told big lies. You even lie about going to therapy. All I tried to do was be nice; tried to get your sister to come around, thinking it might make you see me in a better light, that you might be grateful and decide to accept me."

"I accepted you long ago," she said tersely; "And which story is it, Rick? You went to Colleen for me or you went to score some points for yourself? You can't seem to keep it straight."

Castle shook his head. "You know what; it doesn't matter, because no matter the reason; you can't see it for what it is. You can't just accept that I was trying to do something nice for you. You have to turn into some crime, another reason to be what you are now and what you've been for the last two years. You are definitely a mother-in-law, Johanna; no doubt about it."

She opened her mouth to defend herself, to remind him that today's incident was of his own making and he was trying to shove the blame onto her; but it felt like it would be futile. He had made up his mind about her long ago and they both knew it. She picked her phone up from the table and tucked it in her purse; pulling out a few dollars and laying them on the table as she did so to pay for her tea. She then hooked her purse over her shoulder and picked up her coat; sliding out of the booth without a word and walking away.

Castle didn't try to stop her; he knew it would be useless…knew he had crossed more than one line and had most likely single handily obliterated everything he had accomplished…just like Kate had said he would. He should've heeded Kate's warning about seeking out her aunt…but he hadn't really thought that Colleen would rat him out like that. He also hadn't figured that Johanna would see the act as a betrayal…especially where the words she had written were concerned. She'd probably be on the phone with Kate as soon as she got home…it was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Mr. Castle; we meet again," Colleen Weston stated as Castle stepped into her office and closed the door later that afternoon.

"Sooner than I thought and not in circumstances I expected," he remarked somewhat tartly.

"Are you in need of a decorator?" she asked; dropping her pen on her desk as she leaned back in her chair to regard him, a glitter of something he couldn't name sparkling in her eyes.

"No, I'm not; and I think you know that…besides, if I did need a decorator, I wouldn't pick one who has a reputation for bad taste."

"Oh, someone's testy today," Colleen quipped. "If you're not in need of my skills; what are you here for?"

"I think you know the answer to that too."

She shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not; maybe you better state your business so we can be sure."

Castle moved closer to her desk; his gaze boring into hers. "I specifically asked you not to tell Johanna that I had come here."

Colleen smiled. "I know."

"Then why did you tell her?"

"Well I figured if you were going to use me to score some points with your mother-in-law; I'd use you to score me some points with my sister."

"I wasn't using you," he retorted.

"You were," she replied. "If you were on good terms with Johanna, you wouldn't give me a second thought. You only came here because you think you can win her affection though me."

"That's not true! I just wanted to give her something she wants. What's your excuse for what you did?"

Colleen looked him in the eye. "I felt like my sister had a right to know that her trust was misplaced. I knew she'd appreciate me letting her know…because if there's one thing my sister hates, it's a liar…and if there's one thing I hate, it's being used. So I'd say you're probably paying for both crimes in one fell swoop."

"And that pleases you?" he asked.

She smiled. "I'm a little tickled about it, if you want the truth. I figure you must have a healthy dose of comeuppance coming for you, Mr. Castle…and I thought maybe I could serve it up in a way my sister can't. You see, I know Jo a lot better than you do…and I know her love for Katie probably keeps her lips zipped at certain times; but since you're not connected to any of my children, I don't have to feign loyalty to you. You stood here in my office and admitted that you've apparently earned my sister's ire; you even alluded to the fact that she was pushed out of her own daughter's wedding…and that you and my niece kicked me off the guest list even though my sister wanted me there. I found that quite hurtful, Mr. Castle; I do love my niece, and whatever there is between Jo and I, is ours; it has nothing to do with Katie. You could've sent the invitation; you could've let me decide if I came or not…and I would have; but you took the option away from me. You hurt my sister by shoving her away and disregarding her suggestions. Did it ever occur to you that maybe we might've spoken to each other at that wedding…that maybe it would've opened the door a little wider if I had known that I was welcome?"

"We just thought it would be best; we didn't want any drama…but ended up with a bunch anyway," Castle said irritably. "In fact, the memory still lingers."

Colleen grinned. "My sister forgets nothing…that's why she can remember clear back to the day I came home from the hospital…although you had no right to give me those pages she had written."

"I gave them to you so you'd know that she loves you," he seethed.

Colleen leaned forward, her blue eyes as cold as ice. "I already know that my sister loves me. I know it every time I open my door and find a package on my porch. I knew it went she set up an email account that doesn't have her name on it so that I can contact her when I want to. I knew it when she wrote her phone number in a birthday card. I've known it all my life; I know her in ways you can't even begin to imagine. I don't need you to tell me that my sister loves me; I know it as easily as I know the sky is blue. But when you printed off those pages and handed them to me, when she allowed you to see them in confidence, which you pretty much confirmed when you said she'd kill you if she knew; to me that was an act of betrayal toward her. That was like cracking open her diary and saying 'look what she said about you on this day; look what she said about this'. Those were her private thoughts…that she felt like she could share with you; and you betrayed her trust. She has a right to know that you go behind her back and do things that she wouldn't want you to do. So I think you're getting something now that's been a long time coming."

"How do you figure?" he said angrily. "Things were already bad between Johanna and I."

"I figure because of your desperation to give her a grand gesture…because you seem to think her affection is for sale. Well, let me tell you something, my sister doesn't sell her love, she gives it freely. If you've committed a multitude of sins to get you to this point with her, then you're not going to be able to 'buy' your way out of it so to speak. She's not stupid; she went to an Ivy League school; she dealt with crooks, cons and criminals in a courtroom all day and you think you can pull the wool over her eyes? Guess again, Mr. Castle. My sister doesn't get played for a fool too often…especially not by the likes of someone like you. You're not trying to do this for her or me; you're doing it for yourself."

"I wasn't trying to buy her affection. I was tying to fix things so she could be happy."

"I bet she's not too happy right now, is she?"

"No, she isn't," he said sharply; "And I guess you feel like you somehow won."

Colleen smiled. "Well, I did beat you at your own game and got myself a very nice note from my sister, thanking me for my information and for still having her back despite everything. I'm sure she didn't thank you…so yeah; I think I won."

He shook his head. "You and Johanna deserve each other, you know that?"

"Why is that, Mr. Castle?" she asked; "Because we don't fall at your feet and buy into your bullshit? My sister and I don't take anyone's bullshit; we never have; we're McKenzies, we don't beg, we don't crawl; we don't kiss anyone's ass. You're problem is, you thought you could bring her her little sister and she'd easily forget about any wrong you've done to her and you'd have her right where you want her, a nice docile mother-in-law who will sing your praises and be president of your fan club. Johanna McKenzie doesn't forget…and she doesn't do docile; so you're barking up the wrong pair of Jimmy Choo's for that. You can't bend her to your will and you can't bend me to your will…we're McKenzies, we don't bend for any man but the man we marry; the rest we tell to go to hell."

"I'm starting to see that the attitude must be a hereditary condition in your family," Castle said tartly; "Because if you dyed your hair dark and wore green contacts; I'd swear she was sitting in front of me right now."

"I hope you don't think I'm offended by the comparison," Colleen retorted; "Because I'm not. You're pissed off because you got busted. You're pissed off because you want to think that my sister and I are characters in one of your books and you can play with our lives and put us where you want, make us act how you want…well you can't. We're not your characters, our lives aren't your plotline; and we don't take your orders. You don't get to go around and betray her trust and have people say nothing about it. If you've screwed up so badly that she isn't fond of you, then you take it like a man and deal with it. You don't get back in her good graces by going behind her back and doing something she didn't give you permission to do on her behalf."

"Since when are you Johanna's advocate?" Castle asked. "You're the one who told a reporter that she was forever dead to you. You're the one that had one hissy fit after another when she first came home. You're the one who doesn't even try to make things better with her because you don't want to anger your husband who thinks she's a blemish upon your family…and you want to sit there and lecture me?"

"Johanna doesn't need an advocate," Colleen stated; "She takes care of herself…but when she can't, because she doesn't know someone is stabbing her in the back; then as her sister, I have to do it. Blood is thicker than water, Mr. Castle…she's my blood; you're nothing. She's my sister…you're just the man who apparently thinks he's better than her. You're not; just for the record. You think you know everything about Johanna and I; you don't know anything. You only want to reunite us, so to speak, because you think it means she'll wipe the slate clean and adore you as a saint or something."

"That's not true."

"I think it is…but Jo's not that easy," Colleen said with a shake of her head. "She's never been easy…she makes you work for what you want from her."

"I know all about Johanna's rules and tactics," he said sharply. "I was just trying to do something nice; something that would make her happy and bring more healing to the family. Did I hope that she might appreciate the effort, I made; yeah, I did hope so…just like I hoped that I could trust you to keep your mouth shut if you weren't going to come around and see her."

"You mean you trusted me like my sister trusted you?" she replied with a smirk. "Looks, like that came back to bite you."

Castle smirked at her. "You know; maybe she's better off without you. You'd probably stab her in the back yourself to get even with her for leaving you when she went into hiding. So you know what, leave things as they are, because Johanna has enough stubborn ideas without you egging her on and then hurting her all over again when you eventually turn on her to serve up more of your brand of comeuppance."

"If I want to see my sister, I will," Colleen stated. "You don't make the rules."

Castle shook his head. "I guess this what I get for being nice."

"No, it's what you get for doing things without asking first…and for not apologizing for the slights you helped to dole out."

"Really?" he asked; "You threw me under the bus because you're mad that you were scratched off the guest list for the wedding?"

"Partly," she replied honestly; "The rest of it was for Jo…because you're messing in things you have no business messing in…and I feel like I owed it her to have her back on this one."

Anger filled his veins as he stepped back from the desk. "Rest assured, Mrs. Weston; I'll never mess in your business again. I don't care if you and Johanna ever see each other; like I said, maybe she's better off without you…although I think you might be just like each other and you certainly deserve each other. It makes me glad I never met your parents."

"Don't blame our mother," Colleen stated. "Our father made us McKenzies…we don't lower our heads or bow down to anyone unless we want to."

"Keep your pride then," he spat; "You both can; you're both too damn stubborn for your own good. You don't want to change and neither does your sister. You two love animosity and drama; you thrive on it…it gives you something to bitch about, a woe is me tale to share with the girls on ladies night. You both like to play the victim."

A sardonic smile crossed her lips. "I have a feeling, Mr. Castle; that when things don't go your way, you feel like a victim yourself…don't you?"

His jaw tightened and he bit his tongue to keep from unleashing a torrent of words that would only add to Colleen's glee. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Mrs. Weston; it won't happen again…but the offer still stands if you decide you do want to see your sister."

"Have a nice day, Mr. Castle; please give my love to Katie," Colleen said lightly as if she was unbothered by the whole thing.

"I don't think she wants it," he replied as he opened the door. "Johanna might, but I don't think Kate cares either way."

Colleen shrugged. "It is what it is; my own daughter hates me, I don't lose sleep over it."

"I guess we're going to have to take back Johanna's mother of the year award and give it to you."

"Hey," Colleen said sharply; "Don't you ever insinuate that my sister is a bad mother! Next to Naomi McKenzie, Johanna Beckett is the best mother there is. She loves her daughter with every fiber of her being; she was made to be a mother. She offered to raise my baby if I didn't want to do it. I don't know who the hell you think you are but I hope you learn a few hard lessons one day and I hope my sister is the one who delivers them to you on a silver platter."

"I'm sure she'd jump at the chance," he remarked. "Have a nice day."

With that said, he slammed the door shut behind him and headed for the elevator.

* * *

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jim asked the evening as he sat down on the sofa and put an arm around his wife.

"Nothing," Johanna said softly.

"You look sad…and you know I hate when you look sad."

"I'm fine."

"I'm not so sure about that; you're doing on of your routines you have when you're sad."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You have a few little routines when you're sad," Jim replied. "You make brownies with peanut butter icing…and you've ate three of them so far, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it usually starts the bell ringing. You ordered food for dinner…and we ate it here in the living room. After dinner, you curled up here on the couch with your favorite blanket and Scarlett cuddled close…you're binge watching Dr Quinn."

She couldn't deny those things; after all, Scarlett was curled up on her lap, purring contently beneath her palm, Dr Quinn was on the TV screen…she was considering a fourth brownie and they had ordered food for dinner and ate it in the living room. "It's just been a bad day," she told her husband.

"You've been a little off since yesterday," he said, brushing back a lock of her hair.

"I guess I'm just tired."

Jim shook his head. "No, you're not…don't lie to me, Jo. It brings back bad memories and I'll think…."

"It's nothing like that!"

"Then what is it? You know can tell me. Is it work? One of the students, a colleague?"

"No; work is fine, the kids are good and my colleagues are respectful."

He thought for a moment. "Is it me? Did I do something to upset you?"

"No; you'd know if it was you," she remarked with a slight smile.

He gave a quiet laugh. "That's probably true. Is it Katie?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

Johanna carefully reached for her phone on the coffee table, doing her best not to disturb Scarlett who showed no signs of wanting to move, not that she minded. She pulled up Colleen's email and handed the phone to her husband. "From my sister," she murmured.

Jim read the message and Johanna's replies, begging her sister to respond and say that she believed her. There was no response so far, which he knew must be eating her alive, not to mention that clearly someone had meddled in her business.

"Did you ask Rick to talk to Colleen?" he asked; wanting to make sure he had the facts straight.

Johanna met his eye. "No; and when he wants to pick at that topic, I tell him I don't want to talk about it. I would've never asked him to do that…I don't even ask you to do it. I don't ask Frankie to do it, and if someone was going to go advocate on my behalf, our brother would probably be the first person to send…no offense."

"None takes; Frankie would make sense in that position; he's known both of you since the day you were born."

"Exactly; and I don't ask him to take that on either. I don't ask anyone…I figure that's my thing to handle…and I know she doesn't believe that I didn't send him."

"We don't know that for sure," he replied as he tugged her back into the circle of his arm.

"She won't answer my messages and I can't keep sending them because then I'll be pushy," she said; her voice thick with emotion.

"You know Colleen; she's probably trying to make you sweat it out."

She sniffled. "It's taken me two years to get to this place where we can trade the occasional email or text. I don't push…I take what she gives and I give what she allows. It wasn't perfect; the contact wasn't constant; just a message once a month or so…but at least I felt like I had a little piece of her…that there was hope for more one day. Now I might've lost that…for something I didn't even do."

"Did you confront Rick about it?"

"Yeah; today at lunch."

Jim nodded. "I forgot it was Tuesday. What happened?"

"He doesn't think I have a right to be upset that he went behind my back and did this; I shouldn't be upset that he gave what I wrote to her. He says he was just being nice and trying to give me something I wanted. I do want my sister but I didn't ask him to get involved and I didn't want him involved…and I sure as hell didn't give him permission to let everyone read what I had written."

"I know; you tried his advice and you let him read what you wrote in confidence…has he given it to anyone else?"

"Apparently Katie has read it and Alexis too."

"What about Martha?"

"She wasn't mentioned but it wouldn't surprise me. I asked him for a defense of what he had done and he just says 'she wasn't supposed to tell you'…like that makes it better."

"Did Katie know he was doing this?"

She shook her head. "No; she didn't know."

"Does she know now; did you call her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I figure by not calling her, he'll end up burying himself…because she'll ask about lunch; and if he lies, she'll know it and she'll force it out of him."

"Smart move," Jim commented as she shifted a bit to lay her head on his shoulder. "What else did he say during this confrontation?"

"He said he thought if I had my sister back; I'd be better?"

"Better?"

"Yeah," she whispered, a tear finally breaking free. "He said maybe if I had my sister, I'd be better at life…I'd be happier and more open to healing."

"I wasn't aware that you were unhappy and unhealed," Jim said, his voice taunt with tension.

"I wasn't aware of it either," she replied. "I've been very happy for awhile now…of course I want Colleen around but it's not like anything in my life hinges on it the way he makes it seem. When I brought up the pages I wrote about Colleen, he said it's not like I stamped top secret on the pages. Nothing in those pages is a secret, but they're my thoughts, memories and feelings…they're mine; no one else has a right to share what's mine…why am I being made out to be wrong about that? Like I told him, he wouldn't like it if I leaked something from his book; but he said that's different."

"Yeah; it always is with him, isn't it?"

"That's what I said. I tried to explain that Colleen is the type of person who could hold those pages over my head…because you know she will if it suits her."

"Oh I know," Jim agreed; "She's got that vindictive streak."

"We kept arguing about him going there and giving her what I wrote; he said I at like he committed a crime and that no one can ever do something for me. He said the only person I accept anything from is you and that's because you're blind to my faults and wrap everything up in rainbows and roses. He said Martha's right; I'm a pretentious snob who wants everything my way or no way. Nothing is ever good enough and nothing ever pleases me. He says I always play the victim and I'm the reason this family isn't happy…that sometimes he wishes I had stayed in Wyoming because life was more peaceful then."

Jim did his best to keep his anger in check…his anger could wait; for now he needed to take care of his wife. "He's wrong on so many levels," he stated; "And he's an ass for saying those things to you…and for the record; no one else wishes you were still in hiding; there wasn't peace without you. There was just a big empty hole in lives of the people who love you. You're not the reason for unhappiness in this family; because I know for a fact that you and I are pretty damn happy together…we've been checking off things on that list you made when you came home, we've been doing everything we said we'd be doing at this stage of our lives. I'm always happy when I'm with you; and I know you're happy with me."

"That's the truth," she whispered.

"You and Katie have been doing pretty good the last several months…I'd say she's happy with you; that the two of you have found a balance. I know your brother is happy to have you back, so is Valerie and your nieces and nephews…your brother-in-law; our friends. If there's some kind of unhappiness that he finds so unbearable; maybe he needs to look at himself and his actions before he starts assigning all the blame to you."

"He said everyone has to jump through hoops for me; that he started doing this lunch thing so he wouldn't have a third bad mother-in-law and nothing he does is good enough. Apparently nothing I do is good enough either…I've been showing up, I've been letting him pick at things that don't need picked. I went to dinner when invited; I've gone to extra lunches; I let him sit in my class…and it's like none of those things mean anything. I never have a right to my feelings in his mind. I'm always wrong."

"You're not always wrong," he consoled; "And you're not a pertinacious snob either; and if that's what Martha thinks, as he stated; she can go to hell. Did you tell him where to get off?"

"No…after I was told what a terrible person I am and that I'm definitely a mother-in-law; I got up and left. There didn't seem to be anything left to say."

"I'm glad you walked out on him," Jim said he pressed a kiss to her head. "I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry that your relationship with your sister now hangs in the balance. You should've told me sooner, sweetheart."

"I didn't want you to call Katie," Johanna said softly. "I didn't want him tipped off."

"I understand…but I am sorry you were hurt."

"You know; he said he was sorry…but it was one of those 'sorry I got caught and you're not taking it the way I think you should' type of apologies."

"I know the ones."

"If it had been a more sincere kind of apology, I would've accepted it…I'd still be upset because I feel like he broke my trust but I would've accepted the apology. But all he's worried about is telling me that he was just doing something nice and I turn it into a crime."

"You didn't ask him to do it," Jim stated; "Nor would you…if he wanted to do something nice for you, he could've found something that wasn't so sensitive of an issue."

"Yeah; well, that's us and apparently we're not with it or something…and remember; you're blind to my faults."

Her husband shook his head. "I don't think either one of us is blind to each other's faults…but those faults aren't deal breakers for us. We love each other, the good, the bad, the in between. I'm not blind and neither are you…we just know how to make things work, how to get past so called faults because we love each other unconditionally."

"At least we do something right," Johanna whispered. "We've been together in one way or another, for forty-one years now…married for thirty-seven of those years…so we must do something right."

"You're damn right we do," he replied; pressing another kiss to her hair. "But what can I do tonight to make you feel better? Because you know I hate to see my girl sad."

She raised her head to look at him. "Are you finished your work?"

"Yeah; it's taken care of, sweetheart."

"Then you could watch Dr Quinn with me and Scarlett."

He smiled. "Does Scarlett enjoy the good doctor?"

"Of course she does," Johanna said, petting her cat who must've sensed her distress as she had began to rub her head against her chest affectionately. "I'm so glad you picked her."

Jim reached out and petted the cat as well. "When I went into the shelter to find you a kitten; they asked me what kind of cat I was looking for. I said I wanted a kitten for my wife…one that would be playful because you'd want to play with the kitten; and one that would also love a lot of affection and would be happy on your lap. The woman took me back to this one cage and said I might find what I was looking for in that litter of kittens. As soon as I stepped up to the cage, Miss Scarlett here, jumped up in front of the door, meowing, like she was saying "pick me, pick me"," he said with a laugh. "I couldn't resist her…I knew you'd love her."

"I do…she's perfect," she said, catching his lips in a soft kiss as Scarlett rubbed her head against him as well, as if reminding him that she appreciated him picking her.

Jim stole another kiss and gave Scarlett an affectionate pat. "Can I grab a brownie before the next episode starts?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "Would you think less of me if I asked you to bring me one…even though I've already had three?"

"Hell no; it gives me an excuse to bring a whole plate full of brownies."

Johanna gave a soft laugh as she cuddled her cat close; Jim always knew how to make her feel better…he knew how to make all the bad things go away.

* * *

While Jim was in the kitchen, he pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped out a text to his son-in-law. _"I want to see you for lunch tomorrow; the place you meet Johanna will do just fine. Be there at noon."_

With his message sent, he set about putting brownies on the plate and getting fresh drinks. Tonight he'd tend to his wife…tomorrow; he'd set his son-in-law straight on a few things. He had stayed quiet long enough.

* * *

Castle was being unusually quiet that evening, Kate mused as she studied him from the doorway of his office. The conversation at dinner had been dominated by Martha and Alexis and afterwards he had retreated to his desk saying that he needed to get some work done…but he didn't seem to be writing like he had been the last few weeks. In fact the usual rapid clicking of keys that she had gotten accustomed to hearing was off balanced…a few clicks here and there…silence, the sharp tap, tap, tap of the backspace button, more silence, then clicking and more tapping. It was a disjointed symphony for sure. Her husband almost seemed like he was waiting for something…like maybe he was waiting for her to catch a new case that would give him some temporary distraction.

"Are you having trouble with your characters tonight?" she asked softly as she approached the desk.

"Hmm?" he asked, flinching slightly at the sudden sound of her voice.

"Are you having trouble with your characters?" she asked again, nodding at his laptop.

"Yeah," Castle answered; "I guess I'm not feeling very inspired tonight."

Kate gave him a small smile. "I know things have been slow with me being in court a lot and it seems to be a down time at the precinct, which is good for the lifespan of the citizens of New York, but somewhat boring for cops and their partners."

"It's to be expected," he replied; wondering why she hadn't chewed him out yet. Surely she knew…he had overlooked her not asking at dinner due to the presence of his mother and daughter but they were both out for the evening now. He hated the wait almost as much as he hated the fight.

Kate picked up a book on his desk. "Did you forget to give back Mom's book?"

"Yeah, I did," he said flatly; figuring he'd have to get it to her somehow. He really wished they could just get on with this.

"You didn't say much at dinner," she remarked as she flipped through the textbook. "Did you go to lunch with Mom?"

Here we go, he thought to himself. "I think you probably already know," he remarked.

Puzzlement flicked across her features and he realized that maybe she didn't know after all.

"What's that supposed to mean?" his wife asked.

His tongue felt awkward as he realized his mistake; he had been so quick to assume that Johanna would've called her immediately that he hadn't once considered that she wouldn't…and that by doing so, he'd end up shooting himself in the foot…which was probably more satisfying than if she loaded the gun herself. It was no wonder the woman had been an attorney; she knew how to play all sorts of games.

"Didn't she call you?" he finally asked.

Kate pinned her gaze upon him, her eyes narrowing slightly as she snapped the book shut and laid it down, her posture became rigid. "No, she didn't call me…why?"

"I just thought she would."

"Castle," she said, her tone becoming clipped. "What happened?"

He sighed. "We had a falling out."

"About what?" she demanded to know.

Castle hesitated. "About her sister."

Kate's jaw tightened. "What did you do? And don't tell me nothing, don't sugar coat it; just tell me all of it…now."

Castle braced himself for his wife's anger and told her everything. He told her about visiting Colleen's office on Friday afternoon and giving her the pages Johanna had written…and how he had asked Colleen not to tell her. He told her about the message that Colleen had sent Johanna…Johanna's unanswered replies and her anger with him. He told her about how he had gotten angry and frustrated by Johanna's lack of understanding that he was just trying to do something nice. He confessed the things he had said and how Johanna had left without even a final word.

When he finished, Kate's eyes blazed with anger. She opened and closed her mouth twice before finally forming a sentence that wasn't a blistering tirade of curse words. "So first of all, you lied to me Friday night when I asked you if you had forgotten that stupid idea about Colleen. You had already seen her that day and you laid there next to me and lied."

"I told you what you wanted to hear because I didn't think that I accomplished anything with Colleen and that she wouldn't contact anyone."

"Don't you give me that 'I told you what you wanted to hear' bull," she yelled. "Call it what it is, you lied to me! You want to call my mother a liar all the time and you're a liar yourself! You didn't tell me a lie because it's what I wanted to hear; you told it because you were hoping your ass was safe and it wasn't. I told you not to go to her. I told you! Why don't you ever listen!?"

"I just wanted to do something nice," Castle replied. "It was just supposed to be a nice gesture."

"I told you not to do it! You don't know Colleen like we do, you don't know how one minute she can be all sweet and loving and the next she's stabbing you in the back and ridiculing your life. Mom is right; when you handed her those papers she wrote, you gave her something to hold over her head. You had no right, Castle. You had no right to give her what Mom had written; that was private, she trusted you. You had no right to talk to Colleen, no right to meddle in their personal business!"

"Why does everyone keep trying to make this out to be some crime?" he bellowed. "What is wrong with your family that no one can accept a kind gesture?"

"A kind gesture is treating someone to a meal, it's letting them borrow a book or taking them somewhere they've always wanted to go. It's agreeing to follow someone home and make sure the house is secure because they're afraid to be out at night…it's not a kind gesture to poke your nose into someone's private business with their sibling. Do you know what you might've cost her?" she asked. "Do you realize that by you going there, you may have obliterated the minuscule relationship that my mother had with her sister, a relationship she was happy to have because it was better than nothing. Did you think about that at all? Do you ever think about anyone's feelings besides your own in that moment when you're concocting one of your schemes?"

"Yes; I was thinking she'd be happy!" he exclaimed.

"Only if it had worked, and it didn't! Why couldn't you just listen to me?"

"Because I didn't think it would be a big deal; if it went well, everyone would be happy and if she wasn't interested, then no one would be the wiser."

"Which just goes to prove that you know nothing about Colleen," Kate retorted. "No one meddles in that, Castle. Dad doesn't poke into it, I don't go messing in it, my uncle doesn't mess in it…that's between Mom and Colleen…and through two years of steady dedication, she got to the point where she could at least exchange an email with her sister. They leave each other notes in little care packages on the porch for special occasions…no, it isn't perfect, and I would think it has to still be somewhat hurtful for Mom…but as long as she's happy with something in that area, then I'm not going to go foul it up for her and you shouldn't have either!"

"I just wanted to help."

"No one asked you to help with that! That is one of those things where you need to wait to be asked…and if your wife says, no, don't do that; you don't go behind her back and do it!"

"I'm sorry," Castle replied; frustration in his tone. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you and I'm extremely sorry that I attempted to do something nice for your mother."

"You want to do something nice for her and then you sit there and you tell her she plays the victim, that you wished she stayed in Wyoming because life was more peaceful without her…that was the coldest thing you could've ever said, Castle! How dare you say something like that to her? You wonder why she doesn't like you, this is why. It's because of the way you treat her…and time and time again, she comes back and tries to do what you want her to do and the first time she gets upset about something and doesn't kiss your ass in gratitude like you think she should, you say hateful things like that to her. You tell her she's the reason for unhappiness in this family…and you have no right to do that; that's your opinion, not mine, you don't speak for me or my father or Alexis or your mother; although I'm sure Martha would agree with you just because she has her own axe to grind against my mother. You want to blame her for everything and you never take responsibility for your own faults in this department…like that time you stood in the hospital and told her she was the cause of everything bad in my life," Kate said, her voice growing strained as she fought against the emotions that were clawing at her.

"Well it does seem that way at times," he said tersely.

"You had no right to say that to her," she told him, a tear breaking free and she silently cursed her hormones for it. "She didn't come and see me for three weeks, Castle. She couldn't bear to look at me with that guilt on her shoulders…she couldn't even talk to me on the phone for more than five minutes. I had to finally go over there and let myself into the house…and I had to listen to her cry and blame herself for everything and it wasn't her fault, but that's what you did to her. You put it in her mind, you put the blame on her and she carries it, because that's how she is, that's how she's been conditioned since childhood. You set up on your high horse and you look down on her, just like she said…well let me tell you something; you're not better than her, you're not better than anyone in my family and it's time you start acting like you know it. You're the one that started this damn lunch campaign…and you keep finding ways to blow it."

"I'll fix it," he said tersely.

"I don't think you can, Castle," Kate replied. "I really don't think you can…and even if you could and she forgave you…you'd still find some fault within her or she'd say something you don't like and you'd be looking down your nose at her again…and I'm getting a little tired of it. I am tired of watching her carry everyone's baggage because she's worried if she doesn't that she'll lose her family. You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I picked up the phone to call her and you asked me not to; you asked me to wait, to give you a chance to fix things so our family would be in a better place by the time this baby was born. I did what you asked; I laid the phone down and said I'd give you time. It would be nice if for once, you could listen to me when I ask something of you…like when I asked you not to go looking for my aunt."

"I'm sorry," Castle replied. "I don't know what else to say, Kate. I'm sorry…I get aggravated with her when I feel like she's not listening."

"Then leave her alone, Rick. Consider your experiment done and leave her alone. You ruined the progress you had made, you possibly ruined her relationship with her sister…and you probably ruined the moment I was hoping to create when I give her our news. So I hope you're happy…your need to stick your nose where it doesn't belong is now the cause of unhappiness in this family," she said more tears sliding down her cheeks.

He figured that was most likely true. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"Yeah; I know," she replied; "I'm sorry too…sorry that you couldn't listen to me for once…especially when it concerns my own family."

"I won't ignore your warnings again," he promised.

She scoffed. "Yeah, you will; because that's who you are, Castle. Sometimes it's endearing…and sometimes it's a pain in the ass. Don't even think about crawling in bed with me tonight; because if you do, I might just shoot you in the ass," she said before storming to their bedroom.

"Kate," he called after her.

She reappeared at the door a moment later, dumping a pillow and blanket on the floor in his office before slamming the door shut and locking it.

Castle frowned as he got up and picked up his pillow and blanket; he knew she'd be mad but he hadn't expected to be put of his bedroom…which meant they'd reached a new milestone in their marriage; that always wonderful "sleep on the couch because you're not sleeping me" milestone. He blew out a breath and tossed his pillow and blanket on a chair for the time being. He wouldn't fight her on it tonight; she was upset and too much upsetting business could be bad for her and the baby and he didn't want that. He could withstand a night on the couch…her wouldn't like it, but he could take it. With that thought in mind, he returned to his desk just as his phone chimed. He grabbed it, grimacing as he saw the new text was from Jim. Upon opening the message, he saw his father-in-law's demand to meet with him the next afternoon. He sighed; when it rained it poured.


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 12

The next morning, Castle rubbed the back of his neck as he padded through the loft. His mother was perched on one of the bar stools at the counter, the entertainment section of the paper in hand and a cup of tea in within reach.

"It looks like the sofa didn't agree with you, kiddo," Martha declared, watching as her son poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah; seems to be the trend this week," he remarked. "Where's Kate?"

"She left awhile ago," his mother answered. "I'm supposed to tell you that you're not to show your face at the precinct."

Castle grimaced. "Not really a surprise."

"I guess you got yourself into a real jam this time."

"Don't I always?"

"You do make it your life's work," Martha replied. "But I did tell you that no good would come from this little lunch with Johanna campaign you insisted on starting."

"I know, Mother," he sighed. "I guess Kate told you."

"She gave me the highlights."

Castle blew out a breath. "I was just trying to do something nice."

"You can't be nice to that woman, Richard. She's too stuck up and set in her ways. She doesn't even get along with Kate all the time."

"Well…that's usually more on Kate than it is Johanna; but they've been doing pretty well since she and Jim got back from London."

"Yes, but Kate's making all the effort."

"Not really; they're both making the effort with more phone calls and visits…they're doing the things they always liked doing and it's making them close again."

Martha scoffed lightly. "For now; but odds are it won't last."

"I'm not so sure about that," he said as he picked up his cup for a long sip of coffee. He was sure that once Johanna knew her grandchild was on the way, nothing on God's green earth would keep her from Kate and that baby.

"You never have said why it's suddenly so important that you win Johanna over," his mother went on.

"I just want the family to be…better."

"Good luck with that," she muttered. "I think you'd be better off sending them brochures of condos in Florida…you might get lucky and have the kind of in-laws that move away; even if it's just a portion of the year."

"I don't think Kate would like having her parents living several hours away."

"Maybe not; but you'd probably like it if they were in a condo in Florida; wouldn't you?"

"I don't know, Mother, it depends…would you be living across the hallway from them in that building?"

Martha smirked at him. "Don't take your troubles out on me, buster. You're the one who went meddling apparently; you should've known she wouldn't be happy. I'm not sure anything really makes her happy besides Jim and Kate and her little yoga classes with that blonde she hangs around with; and of course her little job at Columbia"

"The blonde's name is Maggie; they've been friends a long time. As for her job, Johanna's a good teacher, she cares about her students…they seem to adore her in return."

"It's too bad she doesn't show that side of herself around here."

"You didn't exactly show a good side of yourself the last time she was here," Castle replied as he met his mother's eye. "You had your claws out before she even stepped inside the door."

"I wasn't in the mood for company."

"Then you should've taken your dinner upstairs like Alexis did."

"Richard; your problem is with Johanna; not me."

"I'm starting to think it's with all of you, Mother."

She gave a short laugh. "Kiddo; we didn't have these problems before Johanna came along with her attitude. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the woman is alive and that Kate has her mother; but you have to admit; she does throw a wrench into things when it suits her."

"You've been know to harbor that talent yourself, Mother…that's why you'll also receive a brochure if I decide to sign any of you up for a Condo in Florida mailing list."

"You'll wish you had sent out brochures one day," Martha remarked. "If you and Kate decide to have a child one day; you'll never be rid of Johanna. She will be all over that child; wanting to be involved in everything. You wait and see."

Castle flattened his palms against the counter. "Mother, if being all over a future grandchild will make that woman happy and get her off my back, she can have at it. She can do all the hands on grandma things she wants as long as it makes her happy."

"Really?" Martha laughed.

"Yes…why would I deny her that when I remember allowing you to whisk Alexis away on girls days whenever the mood suited you."

Martha eyed him. "I also remember you showing up on my doorstep to drop off Alexis without warning when it suited _you_."

"What's your point?"

"I don't know exactly; but I'm just saying…when the day comes that Kate has a child; Johanna is going to be around all the time…how are you going to feel about that? With the way she acts and her hoity toity attitudes."

He sighed deeply. "How are you going to feel one day when you have to share a grandchild with her?"

Martha laughed. "I think I'm going to be thankful that I already have Alexis because no one is going to be able to get around the Queen Bee; and really, I guess I wouldn't blame her for that. After all, I already have a grandchild and whenever you and Kate have a child, that will of course be her first grandchild and she's entitled to do all the things I did with Alexis…so while I will love that child; I won't stand in Johanna's way…especially considering that I live here and would still see the child every day anyway. Besides, she's younger than me, let her chase the toddler."

Castle laughed. "Did you just admit that you're older than someone? I wish I had recorded that moment for posterity."

Martha smirked at him. "It's no secret that I'm older than Johanna…it's not a large age difference but a few years are a few years…and my grandchild is in college…so yes, let her have the crying, the diapers, the running toddler…it's all hers. I mean, I will of course help out and babysit when she isn't available but, hey, let her go for it. I'm sure she's craving the experience so more power to her."

"When the time comes, can you do me a favor and make that a nicer sounding sentiment when it's mentioned to Kate; because she'll think you don't love your grandchild."

"I will adore any grandchildren you bless me with…I'm just more than happy to let Johanna do the grunt work. I did mine with Alexis; she gets the next one."

"I'm sure that will thrill Johanna right down to her painted toenails."

"I'm sure it will," Martha agreed. 'What are you up to today since Kate has banned you from the precinct? Will you be out sucking up to your mother-in-law and buying your wife some please forgive me trinkets?"

"I'm not sure how to play that one yet," he admitted. "But Jim has asked to see me for lunch."

"Uh oh…he's riding in to defend the honor of his Queen."

"Yeah," Castle said with a short laugh. "I can hardly wait. I thought about calling it off because I didn't sleep much and I'm in no mood for it but I figure why prolong it? Besides, he knows where I live, I wouldn't put it past him to just show up here if I bailed."

"The joy of extended family," Martha replied. "In-laws are like theater critics…a necessary evil."

Castle arched his brow at her. "You're an in-law yourself."

"Yes; but so far no one has any problems with me."

"Oh Johanna's got problems with you," he stated. "She hasn't forgotten a single one."

"I don't lose any sleep at night over it," Martha stated; "And I'm sure she doesn't lose any sleep over me. We started out well enough but somehow the train fell off the track…and honestly; I think we're both okay with it."

"What if I'm not okay with it?"

His mother shrugged. "You can't force us to do lunch, Richard; you can't send us out on a shopping trip…although if you want to pay, I'm willing to give it a try for your sake."

"The sake of my money, you mean?"

"Let's not quibble."

"Uh huh."

Martha smiled. "Not everyone gets along, kiddo. It's just the way of life. Maybe one day things will be different between Johanna and I…I'm not totally against it; but for now, we're not each other's cup of tea and that's okay."

"She said the same thing."

"We both can't be wrong, can we?" his mother asked.

"I don't know; apparently it's my week to be wrong in everyone's opinion so I'm not sure I can answer that."

"Richard; everyone feels the way they want…if you feel you were right, then defend your position. I'm not sure what Jim wants to see you about, besides the obvious that is, but whatever he has to say; you can stick to your opinions. It doesn't matter what they think; you're not married to them, you're married to Kate."

"Yes; and she's not speaking to me at the moment."

"She'll come around," Martha replied. "She always does."

That was true, Castle thought to himself…but he knew that for Kate to come around completely he was going to have to make the proper apology to her…and most likely to her mother…and he had no idea what lunch with Jim would hold and what blow up it might spawn. Maybe he was wrong; maybe they didn't need a close knit family.

* * *

Kate stood outside her mother's classroom, waiting impatiently for her last class to end. She glanced at her watch; she had slipped away a little early, hoping Gates wouldn't return from her meetings and notice that she had slipped out without a work related reason a half hour before her lunch break was to officially start…but she figured that if that did happen, she'd conjure up some excuse to make it acceptable. She had debated making this trip, wondering if she should just call later but she felt like that would be taking the coward's way and she didn't want to do that when things had been so much better between them lately. She could hear her mother's voice through the thick wooden door; it sounded closer than it had been and finally she heard her utter the words "Class dismissed."

Kate stepped back a step as students began to push through the door, making their escape or most likely hurrying off to the next class, she thought. A lull in the surge propelled her forward and she slipped into the room, making her way past the students who were still packing up their belongings and down to the front of the room where Johanna Beckett was shoving papers and books into her briefcase while giving one student last minute instructions.

Movement caught Johanna's eye and she glanced away from her student, finding her daughter heading in her direction. "Katie, this is a surprise," she smiled, before slight worry crept into her features. "Is something wrong?"

Kate conjured up a small smile, mindful of the curious glances coming from the remaining students. "No; nothing's wrong…I just figured that maybe I could convince my mother to share my lunch break with me."

The smile returned to Johanna's lips. "That would be nice."

"I thought you were going to be in your office?" her student complained.

Johanna glanced back at the young woman. "Cassidy, we have nothing else to discuss about your paper. You picked the topic; you do the work on it. I can't give you the answers. I have given you ideas of where to look for what you need; the rest is up to you. Now if there's something you want me to look at that you're not sure about, I'll be in my office after lunch and I'm only going to be there for an hour."

Cassidy huffed and stormed away; the other students following in her wake now that they had discerned that the guest in the room was Mrs. Beckett's daughter.

"Did I get you in trouble?" Kate asked, a slight smile playing on her lips.

Johanna waved a hand dismissively. "No; I'm not worried about her, she just wants me to hand her a paper that says 'here's where to find all of your answers' and that's not going to happen. I am going to be in my office later to deal with other issues about these papers but I did plan on having lunch first. Do you want to eat at the cafeteria or do you want to go somewhere?"

"Let's go to McDonalds," she suggested, a sudden craving for a Big Mac overwhelming her.

"Alright," Johanna said as she grabbed her purse and her phone. "When we get there, I need to call your father and let him know that I'll be home a little later today."

"Is Dad home today?" Kate asked as they left the classroom.

"No, he's working but I always let him know when I'm staying an extra hour or if I'm going somewhere else."

She nodded in understanding. "Let's take my car; it's probably closer."

Her mother gave her a knowing look. "Did you put that little card in the window announcing that you're the police so you could park closer?"

"Yes, I did," she said without shame. "And if you had a little card you could put in your window, you'd do the same thing."

"You're right, I would…do you want to get me a card?"

"If I could, I would, but I can't," she laughed. "I can only abuse that authority to a certain extent."

"Uh huh; you'll spare your legs and make your poor mother walk a mile."

Kate scoffed. "Please; you're in excellent shape, you have no problem walking…or running for that matter."

"Thank God," Johanna remarked. "Where's Rick?"

"He's not with me today," she replied, pointing in the direction of her car.

There was a certain lilt in that statement that Johanna heard but said nothing about. Suddenly she wondered if she should be worried about Katie's sudden appearance and request for a lunch date. "Are you okay?" she asked her.

"I'm fine…I just wanted to see you."

Johanna gave a nod as she followed Kate to the passenger side of the car; she'd buy that for now…lunch would probably bring about the truth of the matter.

* * *

Jim was already at the table when Castle entered the café, the textbook he had borrowed clutched in his hand. He blew out a breath and crossed the room to the booth, sliding in across from the man and laid the book down on the seat beside him so that he could hand it over at the end of the meal. He couldn't help but think about how similar this opening scene was to his lunch with Johanna the day before.

"I think this is how my last nightmare started," he muttered without thought as Jim sat down his coffee cup.

"By nightmare, I assume you mean my wife?" Jim asked pointedly. "Is that correct?"

"Oh good, we're going to play court too," he remarked.

Jim's blue eyes were full of steel as he pinned his son-in-law with a look. "You're already swimming in hot water…your attitude might cause it to boil and blister the hell out of you."

"I'm sorry," Castle replied. "It was a long night."

Jim gave a slight nod. "Does that mean that Katie knows what you did?"

"Yeah; she knows. I had to sleep on the couch."

"I'd say for Katie, that's pretty mild. It's a wonder she didn't make you sleep in your car."

"I'll be thankful for small favors in that case," he said a bit tartly. "I'm also not welcome at the precinct today and she's not speaking to me."

"Well, Rick; I'd say you had it coming."

"I'm glad I wasn't disillusioned enough to think you'd be supportive."

"I don't support anyone who hurts my wife," Jim replied.

Castle sighed as he signaled the waiter. "All I did was try to be nice."

"You have funny ways of being nice, Rick."

"And your wife has a way of blowing everything out of proportion."

"Once in awhile," Jim agreed; "All women do; but she's right this time."

"You think she's right about everything."

Jim smirked. "Yes; I've heard that you diagnosed my apparent blindness. It's good to know that my daughter not only married an author, she also married a cop with no badge, a psychiatrist, an optometrist, and all around know it all."

Castle gave a short laugh. "You and Johanna are a match made in heaven."

"We know," Jim replied; "And when someone hurts her, I can open up the gates of hell for them, so maybe you should keep that in mind."

"She just had to mention the blindness thing, didn't she?" he muttered. "She doesn't forget a damn thing, does she?"

"No, she doesn't…she's always had an eye for detail. You'd think a writer would appreciate that quality."

Castle was spared from responding as the waiter arrived to take his order for his drink. He ordered a cup of coffee and dismissed the idea of having anything to eat. He had a feeling this meeting would ruin his appetite anyway. He noticed that Jim ordered a sandwich and a refill of his coffee, so clearly taking him apart wasn't going to hinder his appetite.

"You should eat," his father-in-law told him. "I find that chewing often offers time to reflect with your mouth closed."

"Advice from Johanna?" he asked.

"No; it was advice from my mother," Jim remarked. "When I use it, I sometimes fare better in certain discussions."

"In that case; Fredrick," Castle called out to the retreating waiter.

"Yes, Mr. Castle?"

"I've changed my mind," he told the man. "Bring me the special."

Fredrick nodded and hurried away…Castle noticed the firm expression on his father-in-law's face and wondered if he should hurry away too.

* * *

Their food had no sooner arrived when Jim's phone rang. Castle was glad for the sound; he figured it would buy him a few extra minutes before his father-in-law laid into him.

"I have to take this, Rick; it's Johanna," Jim stated.

"No problem," he replied; thinking to himself that his mother-in-law probably knew about this little lunch and had thought of something that she didn't want her husband to forget.

"Hey, sweetheart," Jim said as he answered the phone. "Is everything alright?"

Castle observed his father-in-law, noting that the sound of his wife's voice on the phone seemed to bring a light to his eyes…relaxed the tension in his jaw.

"You're with Katie?" he said, pulling Castle's attention back to the words that were being spoken even though he couldn't hear Johanna's side of the call.

Jim smiled. "Surprised you, did she? Where are the two of you?"

Castle strained to hear the answer but he couldn't make out what Johanna had said.

"I'm glad you two are squeezing in a lunch date," Jim said to his wife. "I'm sure it made your day."

A smile curved his father-in-law's lips upwards, softness on his features. There was no denying that the man loved his wife, Castle thought. He was devoted to her and madly in love with her.

"Me?" Jim said; "I'm at lunch too…taking care of some business while I eat."

Castle grimaced slightly at the idea of him being the business that was going to be taken care of.

"No; you're not interrupting, the food just got here, its fine. Are you heading home after lunch?"

There was silence and then a smile. "You hate assigning that paper don't you?"

Castle couldn't help but smile a little as his father-in-law laughed at whatever the response was.

"Alright, sweetheart; go enjoy your lunch with Katie and let me know when you're leaving work."

Jim nodded as he listened to the response, a small smile clinging to his lips. "I love you too; yeah, I heard her, tell her I love her too."

He waited patiently as Jim ended his call and tucked his phone back into the pocket of his jacket. "Kate's with Johanna?" he questioned.

"Yes," Jim replied; "Apparently she was waiting for Jo when her last class dismissed; they're having lunch together."

"I notice you said you were at a business lunch?"

"I am," the older man stated. "I've got plenty of business to discuss with you."

"Johanna doesn't know you were meeting me today?"

"No…and I wasn't going to tell her when she was on the phone and have her worrying. If Katie made the trip to Columbia to surprise her mother for lunch, then I want them both to enjoy it and they won't if they're thinking about what's going on here."

"I guess that's true," he replied reluctantly. "So can we get on with this and get it over with?"

Jim eyed him and gave a nod. "Sure, we can get on with it; but it's probably not going to end your misery as soon as you'd like."

"Yeah; I was afraid of that," he mumbled as he took a quick bite of his sandwich.

"I'm going to tell you a few things, Rick. Overall I'm a patient, peaceful man…I don't go looking for fights or to start things; but I don't back down if they find their way to me or if I find a cause worthy. I always find the cause of my wife to be very worthy. Johanna likes to fight her own battles; and for the most part I let her because she's a strong, independent woman who doesn't always want to be rescued…but sometimes there's a battle that she just can't seem to win and that's when I step in. You seem to be one of those battles, Rick. It doesn't make me happy to say it, overall I liked you…and you might think I'm nothing to be worried about or feared; that I'm sedate and not as easily riled. For the most part you might be right; but there are two exceptions, my daughter is one…and the biggest one is my wife; because when you mess with the person I love most in this world, I will come for you and I don't care who you are, who you think you are, how much money you have, who you're married to, who you're friends with. When you hurt her, you answer to me," Jim stated; his tone firm and low, his gaze still pinned on the younger man. "Do you understand that?"

Castle nodded slowly. "Yeah; I think that's a pretty clear statement."

"Good. Now do you want to tell me what the hell your problem is with my wife? And don't sugar coat it; tell me all the nice things you tell her…don't leave anything out."

"I..uh…I don't think I follow."

"I think you do," Jim remarked. "You don't mind telling her to her face everything you think is wrong with her and you don't mind analyzing her and acting like you know what's best for everyone; so tell it to me…and then I'll tell you everything that's wrong with you," he replied.

"Great," Castle muttered.

"Come on, I don't have all day," his father-in-law stated; "Let's hear all about it, hell tell me what's wrong with everyone, anything else about me besides my blindness?"

He cringed slightly. "God I wish she hadn't mentioned that."

"If you don't want me to know what's said about me, then it's probably something you shouldn't be saying to my wife," Jim countered. "But for the record; I'm not blind to her faults and she's not blind to mine. We've always been very open and honest about those things with each other, even when we were dating. Flaws aren't deal breakers for us; we accept each other for the good and the bad…because that's what love is all about. Maybe you haven't learned that yet, because you always seem to want to change people…or act like an ass if they don't behave the way you think they should."

"That's not true."

"It is," he said. "A prime example I can remember is one day shortly before Johanna came home; Katie came over and in a rare moment of emotion cried to me about how you had suddenly turned on her and was flaunting some bimbo in her face with no explanation. Later on it came out that you were acting that way because you found out she had lied to you…and instead of confronting her and dealing with the issue; you decided it would be better to act like an ass and tell her that you needed 'fun and uncomplicated' in your life. So you see, Katie did something you didn't like and yes, she was in the wrong to lie; but you were wrong too. You should've been a man and talked to her instead of playing the cards you played but that seems to be your M.O. I also remember the time when she wanted to keep your relationship under wraps because of policy at the precinct and you took that as your cue to accept a date with another woman on live television."

He grimaced. "I see that your memory is as good as Johanna's."

"Lawyers have to have good memories," Jim remarked. "Now what's your issue with my wife?"

Castle sighed. "I don't know; she's impossible to get along with?"

"If that was true, she wouldn't have friends and family that adore her."

"Yeah, well, she's impossible to me. No matter what I do; it's not good enough for her."

"She feels that way about you."

"I know, she's mentioned it."

"You can't say she isn't honest," Jim remarked.

"Oh I'm sure I can say plenty about her track record of honesty…the thirteen years biding her time in witness protection leaps to mind…waiting to tell you about threatening notes she got at her hotel until there was five of them…telling Kate she goes to therapy and she doesn't…those are just off the top of my head; but I think it's a pretty good case for the fact that she's not as honest and virtuous as she likes to claim."

Jim's eyes narrowed at his son-in-law. "Those thirteen years she spent in hiding were to keep all of us safe…and she came home when she saw that the F.B.I. wasn't keeping their end of the deal…and that was to protect her family. You act like she had a choice; she didn't. It was run and survive and have a chance of coming home…or stay and let us bury her for real. If I had known her options in January of 99; I would have drove her to the agent's office myself and begged them to put her in the safest corner of the world even if I couldn't know where she was…because having her alive is more important than the lie that had to be told in order for her to come back to us. I'm sick and tired of you holding that over her head. You act like it was done to you personally; you weren't even a member of this family when that went down; and don't act like you're merely offended on Katie's behalf; you're not. You just want to stand in judgment of her because you think you wouldn't have done it that way and if someone does something in a way you disagree with, you label them as being wrong. Real life isn't one of your books, Rick; you don't get to choose from multiple endings and pick the one that suits you best. I think she's paid enough for the time she was away but you're the one who keeps dragging it up, lording it over her because it must make you feel good to do it. Well it's going to stop. Just like you told her you wish she was still in Wyoming because life was more peaceful without her. How dare you say something like that to her? How dare you act like you speak for someone other than yourself because let me tell you something; my life had no peace without Johanna. Without her all I had were demons and an empty house and going through the motions of life. I had nothing without her…so don't tell me it was peaceful. I don't think for a moment that you speak for Katie either; she and Johanna may have their ups and downs but she loves her mother and there isn't a single thing you can say or do that would ever convince me that she'd rather still believe that her mother is dead. You might wish it but we don't…and let me tell you something, Rick; if you ever look my wife in her face and say something that nasty to her again, because to me it was the same as wishing her dead; I will come and punch you right in your goddamn mouth for it and you'll never say it again, does that come through loud and clear for you, Mr. high moral standards for everyone but himself?"

"Yeah; it's crystal clear," he stated, shifting in his seat slightly. "But what do you mean by high moral standards for everyone but myself?"

"Well, Rick; I just think it's funny how quickly you stand in judgment of others when you don't have a sterling reputation yourself. You've been arrested a few times; disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, indecent exposure, public intoxication…jumping on a float at the Macy's parade, landing a hot air balloon in a park…which also brought about another indecent exposure charge, you see to have a thing for that."

"Misdemeanors," Castle stated. "I paid all the fines."

"An arrest is an arrest," Jim stated. "You were expelled from several schools, at times made a spectacle of yourself at the schools that kept you. You've been thrown out of hotels, casinos, and resorts. You've carried on a playboy image in the public eye, signing women's chests, a different girl every weekend…two failed marriages…"

Castle's jaw tightened. "How do you know all of this?"

Jim looked him in the eye. "Because when some man randomly decides to start following my daughter around, I make it my business to know who he is and what he's about…I had already lost my wife, I wasn't taking chances with my daughter. You're not the only one who knows people who can get things done."

"You really thought I was a threat to her?"

"I didn't know what you were about when it all started," Jim replied; "But as a father, I wanted to make sure you weren't anything besides a playboy author…not that that description overjoys a father; but it's better than some things you could be. My point though is that you're no saint yourself…you want to belittle my wife and you have black marks against you as well. You want to act like she isn't a good mother…well were you being a good father when you were out getting arrested? Because your child would've been quite young when you were stealing a police horse. Were you being a model father when you were out with a different woman every weekend? Those indecent exposure charges don't make you sound like an upstanding role model for a child either. Your ex-wife could've hauled you back into court for a new custody hearing if she had been of a mind to do so."

Castle leaned back in his chair and met Jim's eye. "I think I catch your drift."

"I hope you do," he replied. "Because with you being a public figure, your skeletons are shook out of the closet with ease; you're well documented."

"Thanks for the reminder, but that's all in the past."

"You're more than welcome," Jim said. "I would've never brought any of it up to you, Rick; but when you're looking down at my wife, I can't help but feel like you need a reminder that you're not a saint either. I find it funny how your misdeeds are labeled as 'in the past' but the things my wife had to do are brought up every time she breathes a way you don't like. So if you want to play that game, every time you bring up her past, I'm bringing up yours. Do you catch that drift, Rick?"

"I believe so."

"Good. Now what's your next issue?"

Castle took a sip of his coffee before answering. "Look, Jim; I was just trying to do something nice for Johanna by talking to her sister and she blew it out of proportion."

"No, I don't think she did," his father-in-law stated. "You may have good intentions but you had no right to meddle in that part of her life. You don't know Colleen; we do…we know what she's like and the tricks she likes to pull. She's not my cup of tea at times, but she's Jo's sister and she loves her, so I keep my mouth shut for the most part. I don't ask what's in the few messages that get passed back and forth; once in awhile she tells me a little tidbit but she keeps most of it to herself and that's fine. She's entitled to her privacy. Colleen is a highly sensitive issue for Johanna. Of course she'd like to have her in her life again; that's why she's worked so hard to get them to the point they were at. I don't meddle in it, that's hers to handle as she wishes. Katie doesn't meddle in it either. But you meddled…and now Colleen's not answering the messages and Johanna feels that her sister was offended by your visit and by the things she had written and shared with you in confidence. The relationship they've had for the last several months seems to be over at the moment…so you didn't help a damn thing."

"So I've been told," Castle remarked. "But she could've just appreciated that I tried to do something nice."

Jim gave a nod. "She's supposed to appreciate that you did something that she didn't ask you to do, that she didn't want you to do? She's supposed to appreciate that the tiny little sliver of relationship she had with her sister is now most likely demolished? She's just supposed to bow down, kiss your ring, pledge eternal gratitude for sticking your nose in her business? In what world does it make sense for her to be happy about you doing something that you shouldn't have done?"

"I know it went wrong," he said tartly; "But she could keep in mind that I was trying to be nice, trying to show I care."

"If you want to be nice, give her a scene to read…recommend a new author for her to try…accept one of her invitations to dinner. Autograph a book; get an autograph from someone she likes that you know…anything but pry into her personal business. She's not as hard to please as you think."

Castle scoffed. "Sure she isn't."

"She's not," Jim said firmly. "If she was hard to please, she wouldn't still be wearing a bracelet I gave her nearly forty years ago that didn't cost even a fraction of what I paid for her engagement ring. She values simple gestures; she's always been as pleased with a bouquet of flowers as she was with any gift I've ever given her. She's happy to accept cards, letters, knick knacks, any small gesture that's truly meaningful means more to her than some grand gesture that you're trying to pull off in effort to win her affection…especially when it blows up in your face. She's not for sale…and her relationship with her sister is a bond you know nothing about and you shouldn't have tried to use it for your personal gain."

"Fine; I screwed up," he stated. "I shouldn't have done it. I didn't realize it was going to crash and burn and turn into this big ordeal."

"Well when you saw it heading that way; did it occur to you to maybe apologize in a more sincere way instead of doing the exact same thing you often accuse my wife of doing?"

"And what would that be?" Castle asked.

"Taking it the wrong way and getting defensive," his father-in-law stated without missing a beat. "Seems to me some of those things that you don't like about her are traits you have yourself."

"I react that way because she reacts that way first."

"Oh, so even your personal reactions are her fault," Jim stated. "I don't know how she has time for a day job when she's so busy wrecking your life in one way or another. Until recently, you didn't even see her all that much."

"I know…and that seemed like a problem. Kate and I feel like she closes herself off from the family."

Jim gave a short laugh. "I can't imagine why she might do that…I mean I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that her son-in-law thinks of her as a liar, exasperating, impossible…oh, and my personal favorite, pretentious snob."

"I was angry when I said that…and technically, my mother said it first."

"Your mother shouldn't throw too many stones," Jim remarked. "She isn't without flaws and annoying character traits. How would she like it if she called my wife a snob in front of me and I countered with 'well at least Johanna knows who fathered her child'? I bet she wouldn't like that."

"No, she wouldn't," Castle agreed. "I'm surprised Johanna hasn't said that to her herself."

"Johanna wouldn't say that to her, not to spare Martha's feelings, but to spare yours…because she wouldn't hurt you by making that statement."

"But you didn't mind saying it?" he asked.

"Well, Rick; you've been running roughshod over my wife's feelings for a good while now and finally crossed one line too many, so at the moment, I don't give a damn about your feelings. My wife isn't a pretentious snob; she doesn't go around acting like she's better than anyone. She doesn't stick her nose up in the air at people; she doesn't deem anyone as being beneath her. That seems to be your job; and if you want a specific term for yourself, I believe if you look up sanctimonious in the dictionary, you'll find your picture there; because that's what you are, Rick; sanctimonious…and if anyone is a snob, it's you."

"I'm not sanctimonious."

"You are."

"I'm not," Castle said sharply. "I just see things for what they are…you, on the other hand, just want to defend her honor left and right; like you have to rescue her from every little thing in the world because you couldn't rescue her when it mattered most…you couldn't save her the one time she really needed saving. Let her stand on her own feet and deal with things."

Jim's eyes turned cold, his jaw tightening and his mouth set in a firm line. "You're right, I couldn't rescue her back then, because I missed the signs, because I wasn't paying enough attention, I wasn't listening enough. That's my regret and my 'what if' to live with for the rest of my life. I got a second chance to be with my wife, and you're damn right I'm going to protect her and defend her and save her from any goddamn thing in this world that's within my power…even if it's something as miniscule as you. If I don't like how someone treats her, I let them know and I don't care if they like it or not. I will always defend her. I will always protect her. That's my job…just like it's your job to protect your wife…and being that your wife is my daughter; you better make sure it's a job you do well."

"We do just fine," Castle said tartly.

"You seem to think that Johanna is to blame for everything…and yet if you remember correctly; things didn't always used to be this way. She liked you a great deal, enjoyed talking to you, was comfortable in your company…and then slowly, you picked away at that with your actions and somehow it's still her fault."

"She holds grudges," he replied.

Jim met his gaze. "It seems to me, that you hold a few grudges yourself. You don't like how she reacts to your behaviors so you get mad and hold anything from the past against her…including the fact that she's not so easily charmed and swayed; she's not one to be bought off, she's not one to be fooled. She smells something fishy with your sudden need to make things better; truth be told, so do I…but that doesn't matter. All that matters to me is how she gets treated. I am tired of you treating my wife like a second class citizen; acting like she has no right to her feelings or opinions. You act like she's been provided to be your personal punching bag, well she isn't. I don't like how you treat her…and I don't like that you betrayed her trust. She trusted you, Rick…have you been so busy making lists of things to fix and lists of her sins, to see that despite everything, she trusted you; that she felt safe with you."

"I find that hard to believe," Castle replied.

"Then you're the one who's blind," his father-in-law remarked. "She trusted you; that's why she let you read what she wrote in the first place. It's why she talks about things she wouldn't normally discuss with people that she hasn't known all that long. The other night, she accepted your invitation to dinner…and didn't hesitate to accept your offer to follow her home because she was alone. Shouldn't that tell you something? She trusted you, she knew you wouldn't let anything happen to her, she knew you'd make sure everything was fine before you left her in that house by herself. She felt safe. You had her trust…and then you broke it."

He figured that he hadn't exactly thought about it that way; Johanna's agreement to allow him to follow her home had only meant to him that he had wiggled his way into her good graces. He hadn't entertained the notion that she had felt safe with him…trusted him. He had only looked at it as softening her stance; that he was winning her over.

"I didn't mean to break her trust," he stated. "I just wanted to be nice."

"As I already mentioned; there are better ways to do it. Her trust wasn't only broken because you went to Colleen behind her back; you also broke it when you gave Colleen what she had written about her. That was out of line…and if someone took your words that you had shared in confidence and gave them to someone else, you'd probably be at your lawyer's office slapping a lawsuit on them. You had no right to share what she wrote. She gave that to you in confidence…and since you can't be trusted with the words she wrote, I want you to delete anything she wrote that you have saved."

"I…don't want to do that," Castle replied.

Jim eyed him sternly. "Why?"

"Because…they should be kept; they're her stories."

"That's right, they're hers, she has a copy and she regrets sharing them with you. I want them deleted. I don't want her to have to worry about who your making copies for. I can't steal your computer and do it myself, so I want to have some trust in you that you'll do the right thing and delete the things she sent you so that you're not tempted to do this again."

"I won't ever do it again," he stated.

"Make sure of it…delete whatever you have of hers," Jim said firmly. "I'm trying to be polite about that issue, Rick. She may have given you what she wrote, but she did not give you permission to share it…and she has a right to ask for it to be deleted."

"She's not asking, you are."

"I'm not only her husband, I'm her lawyer…and as her legal representative, I'm going to nicely suggest once again that you delete the things she sent you. If you don't, I'll have to find another way for the material to be removed from your possession."

"And what way would that be?"

"I guess I'd start by calling my daughter and asking her to dispose of it as a favor to her mother…and I have a feeling she'd make sure the job was done so why don't you just save us all some time and do it yourself. Be a man and do what needs to be done to prove to her that she doesn't have to worry about that happening again, delete the messages and let her know that they're gone."

Castle breathed deeply; he didn't want to delete Johanna's stories…they needed to be saved and preserved for her grandchildren. He couldn't just wipe them out completely…but he could make it look like he had. He could just print out a hard copy of them and put them in the safe…and save the digital copy on a flashdrive that would also go in the safe. "Alright," he stated once he had his plan in mind. "I'll delete the things she sent me."

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other about that. Now; let's move on to some other things on _my_ list. Let's see…you get all offended because she isn't comfortable in your home and yet you tell her that you don't like coming to our house and that's supposed to be okay and taken well. What did we do to you that makes you dislike coming to our home so much that you have my daughter lie about it?"

"No one did anything to me…it's just that Johanna doesn't always seem like the warmest host…unlike she was when she lived with Kate."

"Maybe that's because things have changed…maybe she didn't feel your judgment of her as strongly then as she does now. On the rare occasion that the two of you show up for dinner, I have been present. I've seen her provide meals that she knows you'll like based on what Kate has told her about your preferences, she asks about your work, she asks about your family. She invites you to come back…what isn't welcoming about any of that? If she didn't want you there, she wouldn't invite you."

"I'm invited because I'm married to Kate."

Jim met his eye. "If she didn't want you there, she wouldn't invite you…regardless of your marriage. Now what more do you want her to do when you're in our home? Do you want her to roll out a red carpet and have a reporter from Page Six stop by so you get a headline in the paper? What is it that you want her to do? I haven't seen her ignore you at these dinners, she hasn't been rude to you at them. She might be careful with what she says but that's because she sees how easily she rubs you the wrong way. She doesn't want to create more conflict so she sticks to the conversations that she knows mother-in-laws engage in. When I'd have dinner with Johanna's family; Naomi would ask me about work, ask me about my family; if there was some other event in my life that she knew about, she'd ask. After that, it was up to me to bring up some point of conversation with her and if I didn't have one, I could give my attention to Frank; who was always happy to discuss a sporting event or a business issue or something in the news. I never felt unwanted on occasions when my mother-in-law just didn't have a lot to say. Johanna was her baby, that's who she wanted and that was fine. I knew Naomi liked me and respected me, hell I even felt like the woman loved me as one of her own and I loved her too; but I didn't think she was being mean if she just didn't have a lot to say without some help on my part. Communication is a two way street, Rick. I don't see where you're overly interested in anything Johanna does that you could make conversation about. Why is it all on her? What more does she have to do to prove to you that she takes an interest in you? She reads every book you write, reads or watches every interview you give; reviews your books online to up your ratings. She's even let you and Katie talk her into going to some of those book release parties…and she even showed up at a book signing to show her support when people didn't like that turn that one Nikki Heat book took. No one asked her to do that, you know. She did it on her own…and even though she loathes speaking to the media, when a reporter who happened to be at the event asked her how she felt about the plot twist that was causing a stir, she told them that she supported your decision wholeheartedly; that she put her trust in you as an author to give the characters she loves the things they deserve in the way you see fit. She told them that she'd rather be upset by a plotline than to read a book that was written merely to please the audience without pleasing the writer…because a writer who doesn't write to please himself, doesn't leave his heart and soul on the pages…doesn't allow his characters to help dictate their destiny. Do you remember that, Rick?"

"Yeah, I remember," he said, his gaze focusing on the coffee in his cup.

"People kind of got off your back about that plotline after that, didn't they?" Jim asked.

He nodded reluctantly; it was true…Johanna had made that statement and some of the bitter sentiments that were being expressed were suddenly more muted; people who vowed to quit reading the series were saying they'd stick around to see how he'd work things out. He could even remember one fan tweeting him to tell that if the real Nikki Heat's mother was alright with that plotline and trusted him to fix things, then she could trust him too and would be anticipating the next release. The next book had been one of his biggest sellers…and when contacted for a response about the follow up book, his mother-in-law had given a sassy 'I told you so' and a glowing endorsement.

"Johanna doesn't have to be president of your fan club and stand around and wave pom-poms to prove that she takes an interest in your life and career; that she supports you. Back when the media was invading all of our lives, she made sure that anytime she had to speak to them that she denied any knowledge of a romantic relationship between you and Katie because she didn't want you to lose your place at the precinct. When Alexis was on the verge of burn out due to her slight rebellion, she tried to take care of her for you since she wasn't ready to come home…she made sure she had a hot meal and a place to stay if she didn't want to go home to that empty apartment. We made sure she was keeping up with her assignments, did her laundry and Jo drove her to school when she'd stay with us. You acted like we were trying to brainwash the girl and was keeping her from you. All we were doing was looking out for her since she didn't feel like she could come to you at that point…Johanna spent a lot of time convincing Alexis that you wouldn't hold her mistakes against her, that you'd let her come home without any qualms or gloating; she almost had her convinced; and then you had to blow your stack and obliterate the friendship they had; you accused her of trying to parent your child, of convincing Alexis to confide in others instead of you. You said a lot of hurtful things that day and Alexis overheard most of them…and she's never come around since then. She doesn't even want to be in the same room as us because you made everyone feel like they did something wrong. You and Katie want to harp that Johanna isn't fully involved with the family…well the one time she started to create a bond, you went and destroyed it, so she feels like she doesn't have much of a place. Let's not forget that you don't always make her feel very welcome in your home, always making fun of her for wanting to wash dishes and offering to help; you've got Martha there with her smart ass remarks. I don't see you trotting your mother out for some self improvement lunches…no, you think she's a saint and does no wrong. Johanna does all the wrong. Well guess what, you're wrong!"

"So you have a problem with my mother too?" Castle asked.

"Yeah; I have a problem with anyone who wants to act like they're high falutin and that my wife and I are beneath her and that our career choices and way of life are something to be ridiculed just because she needs an audience to make her feel special. I know your mother doesn't like me and I don't give a damn; she doesn't brighten up my world either but I don't care what she says or thinks about me. It's when she starts in on Johanna that I have a problem. She's not innocent, Rick; you know it…you've seen it…so maybe you ought to take her to a few little charm school lunches and work on straightening her out too. Or maybe, just maybe; think about inviting us to dinner on a night she won't be available to join us; it might surprise you how much smoother it'll go."

Castle bristled a bit at the implication. "You think it would go better if my mother isn't there?"

Jim nodded. "I'd be willing to bet on it…how can Johanna relax when your mother is always ready to pounce with one of her little 'jokes'…you talk about me needing to let Johanna stand on her own and deal with things, that I'm blind to her faults…well stop turning a blind eye to your mother and stop making excuses for her and let her answer to some of the drama that goes on in this family. She's stirred the pot just as much as anyone else and if you say otherwise, you're just being a fool; because you know the truth as well as I do."

"Fine; I know that Mother has her moments…some things have been out of line and she's not usually like that. It seems like Johanna brings out the worst in her."

"I think a better statement would be that they bring out the worst in each other…because this isn't all on Johanna…and I'm going to keep saying that until it gets into that thick skull of yours. Your mother likes to make her little remarks that she thinks are funny…and they're not; and yes, Johanna reacts to them at times. I'm not denying that she sometimes gets defensive, she does…and she always has a reason for it."

"I'm not so sure about that," Castle stated; "And it's hard to think that things aren't her fault when we didn't have these problems before…" he trailed off, seeing the hardness in Jim's gaze as the sentence silently filled itself in.

"Alright, Rick; it's Johanna's fault," Jim said. "It's her fault that some crooked cops decided to break the law they promised to uphold. It's her fault that an innocent man went to jail and it's her fault that he chose to write her a letter to handle his appeal. It's her fault that she stumbled on Bracken's radar while investigating, it's her fault that he was an evil son of a bitch who ordered a hit on her and somehow it's even her fault that she was spared thanks to a tip to the F.B.I. and it's her fault that she had to go into hiding. It's her fault I drank, her fault Katie became a cop and met you. It's her fault that you started poking into her case and got Katie looking into it again. It's her fault that Katie got on their radar and it's her fault that she got hurt. It's her fault that you kept a secret from Katie about some contact of Montgomery's who was making deals with that bastard…and it's her fault that she came home and messed up your little deal that wasn't going to last anyway. It's also her fault that you took it upon yourself to tell her that she didn't think about the consequences of her homecoming and her actions and ruined your deal."

"No, I…"

"No," Jim said with a shake of his head. "I'm not done, let me finish listing all the things that are her fault. It's Johanna's fault that the media invaded everyone's lives, its her fault you didn't invite us to the birthday parties you've thrown for Katie. It's her fault that she's been largely shunned on holidays because your traditions and family is more important than trying to get to know hers. It's Johanna's fault that Katie keeps being a cop and runs into things you don't like and it's her fault that you stood in a hospital hallway and told her that she's the cause of everything bad in Katie's life…I know she held the gun to your head and made you say those things, right?"

"No, of course not, but.."

"It's Johanna's fault that you don't like to acknowledge that we like being involved in our daughter's life. It's her fault that she was pushed out of the wedding planning and it's her fault that you were a jerk and denied us the right to give our daughter the wedding she wanted. That whole dress shop debacle where you felt you had a right to tell my wife what she can wear was her fault too; because clearly she missed the fact that you also apparently list fashion expert on your resume. I mean what was she thinking when she thought she could pick the color and style of dress she wore to her own daughter's wedding; I mean the audacity just blows the mind. She should've done the right thing and bowed down to your greatness. I suppose it's also Johanna's fault that you acted like an idiot because she befriended Alexis, and it's her fault you make fun of her and call her names and look down on her. Yeah, Rick; it's all her fault and you're just an innocent little lamb…I mean after all, if she had just quit her job before she got that letter from Pulgotti; she would've never been involved in that case, never had to leave, Katie would be a lawyer and you may have never met her…unless of course you hired her to defend you against one of those charges in your file. Oh, and let's not forget that when she was living with Katie, she was gently nudging her and helping her come to terms with her feelings for you and encouraging her to take the next step…so I guess that makes your marriage her fault too. One day when you have kids, I guess that will be her fault too for encouraging the dating that led to the marriage that led to the children. My girl is busy, I'm surprised she has time for me when she's out causing so much trouble for you."

"Okay, when you say it all like that, it sounds like some things are my fault…and I do take responsibility for the wedding stuff," Castle stated.

"You have more than just that to take responsibility for," Jim stated. "Or wait, let me guess, it's Johanna's fault you went to Colleen and gave her those pages that were given to you in confidence."

"Well…in a way," he said. "If I felt like she was more open to what I've been trying to do, I wouldn't feel the need to make a grand gesture."

Jim shook his head. "Rick; Johanna has shown up for every lunch you've wanted her to come to. She showed up for the dinner you invited her to, she let you follow her home, she showed you the car you wanted to see. She let you set in her classes, she lent you a textbook for more of your research. How is that being uncooperative to what you're doing?"

Castle couldn't fight that logic…Johanna had been relatively cooperative the week before. "Okay, so she cooperated that week."

"And instead of continuing on the path you were on that week, seeing that whatever you had done differently that week to put her at ease enough to accept an invitation, to allow access to her classes, she was telling you about her career because you asked for research purposes and she willingly gave it to you; instead of keeping things going in that direction, you decide to blow it up by going to her sister. She didn't ask you to do that and she has a right to be hurt and angry but you want to act like she doesn't have that right…that once again, she's just supposed to bow down to your way of thinking you know what's best for everyone. Well you don't…and since the progress you were making last week wasn't enough for you, I have a question; what the hell do you want from her. What more do you want her to do?"

He blew out a breath. "I just want her to accept me, I want her to be a fully involved member of this family, I want her to stop being how she is…"

"She does accept you!" Jim interrupted; "If she didn't, she would've objected at the wedding or wore black."

"Yeah; that's been mentioned."

"It's the truth," his father-in-law stated. "She accepts you; she likes you…when you're not being hurtful. She's proud of your successes; she feels Katie is well taken care of and that she's safer when you're at work with her. She thinks you're a good father and a good son and that you'll continue to be a good husband to our daughter. Was she supposed to sign a blood oath of allegiance to you or something?"

"No, of course not…but…"

"But nothing! If anyone doesn't accept someone, it's the other way around. You don't accept her. You don't understand her, you don't know how to handle her, you don't really know her and you have no desire to really know her."

"That's not true; I do know her."

"Not the way her family does," Jim countered. "You could if you wanted to but you don't…you just want her to fit the mold you want her to fit in…well let me tell you something; there's been plenty of people who've tried to shove her into a box they think she belongs in; people who didn't think she could do her job because she was a woman, people who thought that if she was a career woman then she must be some over the top feminist that hates men and everything else in the world. People who felt that she was an old maid because she wasn't married at twenty-one. People who felt she couldn't be both a lawyer and a mother. People who thought she should give up her career when she had a baby…people who think she should've walked into that alley and died instead of following orders to keep herself alive so she could come home. People who think she's selfish and should be shunned….there's been hundreds of little boxes that people want to put her in; and she's ripped apart every single one and proved that she's not a woman to be put in any box or backed in any corner or kept in a gilded cage…that she stands on her own and she fights anything that doesn't ring true to her. You like to call her a victim…and yes, she was a victim…but that's in the past, and now she's just a survivor. She fought and she survived and she has the scars to prove it. You call her a martyr…and you mean it as a negative term…but when I think of a martyr, I think of someone who stays firm in their beliefs regardless of what someone wants to push upon them…and in that respect, you're right, she is a martyr; because she stays true to her beliefs and feelings and she doesn't let someone tell her she's wrong for feeling a certain way. You don't get to tell her how she feels, you're not her; just like she doesn't get to tell you how you feel. You don't get to change her, just like she doesn't try to change you. As long as you show her respect, she'll respect you in return. As for this family; well who died and said you were the head of this family? I've been here longer than you, I believe that's my job, and as the founding member of this little branch of the family tree, I assure you that Johanna has been in it as a fully functioning member for longer than you have. If you want her to act differently in your home and be more comfortable with you, then quit acting like a sanctimonious ass and quit looking down your damn nose at her and quit judging her and holding the past over her head. Do you think you can do that, Rick? Do you need me to make you a list so you can keep it straight?"

"No; I don't think a list is required," he replied.

"Good; but if you need your memory refreshed; don't hesitate to call me," Jim stated. "Because I'd really hate to have to punch you…but if you keep hurting my wife, I will."

"I've gotten the message," Castle stated. "I'll try to do better."

"No, don't try, Rick…just do better, period."

"Right," he said with a nod. "I will do better."

"Make sure you do," his father-in-law replied. "I'd hate to have to take away the privilege of you being the only idiot Katie's brought home that I've liked."

He smiled. "I like you too, Jim."

"Don't expect me to go bragging about that anytime soon, Rick."

"Of course not," he said, picking up the book that was lying beside him. "Will you give this back to Johanna for me?"

Jim shook his head. "No."

"No?"

"No," he stated. "You're going to give it back to her yourself…you're going to look her in her face and give it back to her…and maybe while you're looking her in the face, you can bring yourself to apologize for costing her the little bit of relationship she had with her sister…and by apologize, I mean sincerely and not in the jackass way you did previously."

Castle knew that he was going to have to do that eventually, although he had hoped to let some time past but maybe that wasn't the best option after all. "Do you think she'll have lunch with me tomorrow? Because we kind of had a deal that if Tuesday lunches went badly, we'd regroup on Thursdays."

Jim met his gaze. "I can't say for certain if she'll come or not…there's only one way to find out. If she says no, respect it and try again next week…don't get mad and act like she's being a bitch; just accept that she's still hurt and needs a few more days if she says no."

"I can do that."

"She might be a little short with you…she tends to lash out when she's hurt…but she always apologizes for it later on when she's managed to work through it."

Castle gave a nod. "I understand…and I probably shouldn't make my complaint about the amount of apologies she makes…right?"

"Right," Jim replied. "It's just her nature to apologize for everything in the world; she's always been that way. She's not trying to take anything from anyone by doing it…she's just used to being blamed and she's used to being expected to be the one to apologize."

"I guess maybe I don't know as much about her as I thought," Castle conceded.

"Trust me, you don't…it takes time and effort to really know her. She doesn't always let people in easily; she's been hurt a lot, burned by people who are supposed to love her. Sometimes walls are hereditary…haven't you noticed that?"

"Yeah; I have in some ways…it's just that I excused one person's set of walls and held the other person's walls against her I guess."

"She's not the only one who has work to do, Rick," Jim stated.

He nodded. "Yeah; I'm starting to see that…and for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology…just don't make me have to have this talk with you again, because if I do, it's not going to end well…hell, it might not even start well."

"Got it," Castle stated with a nod. "I don't want to cross you."

"No you don't…especially where Johanna is concerned."

"I'll make it up to her."

"Oh God," Jim muttered. "Please do not go back to Colleen. I'm fighting my own urge to go tell her that she had nothing to do with this; and you fight your urge to do the same, okay? If you must do something, just tell her sincerely that you're sorry and buy her a book, okay?"

"I'll keep it simple," Castle agreed; wishing he had listened to Kate to begin with…because now he felt like he was back to square one with Johanna…and in danger of being mounted on his father-in-law's wall.

* * *

"That is so good," Kate said after taking a satisfying bite of her burger.

Johanna laughed softly. "You did look like you were savoring it."

"You look the same way with your chicken nuggets," her daughter remarked.

"I probably do," she conceded as she met her daughter's eye. "I don't want you to think I'm not happy to have lunch with you, because I am, it was a nice surprise, but I can't help feeling that maternal instinct that something is on your mind."

Kate took a sip of her soda to buy herself an extra moment. She never could get anything by her mother…well, with the exception of the secret currently residing in her womb, who was thankfully allowing her to eat lunch without issue. "I guess there is something on my mind."

"What is it?"

"It's about Castle."

Johanna sighed a little. "What about him?"

"He told me what he did…about how he went to see Colleen and that she told you that he had been there…and I got a run down of what happened at your lunch yesterday."

"Oh," she replied; she probably should've known that this surprise lunch was about that. "I know he thought he meant well, Katie; but he shouldn't have meddled in my personal business."

"I agree; I'm not here to dispute that at all. He was wrong to do what he did and you have every right to be mad…I just hope you won't be mad at me."

Johanna took a quick sip of her drink. "Why would I be mad at you? Rick told me that you didn't know that he had gone to see Colleen."

"I didn't know," she replied; "But the night before he went…he had mentioned the idea. I told him no; not to do it, not to mess in that business. I told him it was a bad idea and not to go looking for her. He said he wouldn't…but I should've known better. I know him; I should've known he was going to do it anyway…and I'm sorry."

"Katie; you don't have to be sorry. You didn't know he was going to do this."

"But I should have when he mentioned the idea."

"But like all wives, you probably thought that once you said no, he'd listen…and now you know that husbands don't always listen."

"I knew that before now," Kate muttered. "But I know how Castle is when he gets an idea; he never cares if someone tells him not to do it, he always does it anyway, so I should've known…I should've been able to stop it. I don't want you to be mad at me, but I wouldn't blame you if you were."

"Sweetheart; I'm not mad at you," she said softly. "You're not a mind reader anymore than I am. We can't always predict when our husbands are going to go against our wishes and advice…no matter how well we know them. You said that you tried to dissuade him, that you told him not to do it and I believe that. I really believe that you told him not to and that you would've stopped it if you had known that he cast aside your advice. You know how Colleen is so I have no doubt that you were against it. I'm not mad at you; you didn't do it. Rick did…and it did make me angry; but really it was more that he hurt me because I trusted him despite our apparent issues…and I feel like he betrayed that trust."

Kate silently cursed as she felt the sting of moisture in her eyes; these damn hormones were going to be the bane of her existence. "I understand why you feel that way…because he did betray your trust…and he lied to me. I asked him Friday night if he had forgotten that idea like I told him to and he said he had…but he had already talked to Colleen so he lied."

Johanna reached for her daughter's hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "I'm sorry, Katie."

"It's not your fault; you didn't tell him to lie…he did that all on his own."

"I know…but I feel like I'm going to be a problem in your marriage and I don't want that. I've tried to be un-intrusive…to keep my distance because I don't want to be seen as one of those meddling mothers who causes issues for her child."

Kate shook her head. "No; you're not a meddling mother; you're not an issue in my marriage."

"I am," Johanna replied. "I'm a huge issue…it seems like I can't find a balance with your husband and his family…and they don't like me, which is fine, but I know it causes problems for you and I feel terrible about that. I don't want to come between you and Rick."

"You don't," she assured, an irrational surge of panic in her stomach. "Yes, I'm mad at what he did, but I made him sleep on the couch because he lied to me."

"I get that," Johanna said; "Sleep on the couch is punishment number one in the wife handbook…but I do feel like I'm going to end up coming between you. He already has you lie for him to get out of dinner invitations, and I understand, really I do. Now there's been this lunch campaign and I've never really gotten the full reason behind it…I thought we were doing a little better and he pulled the rug out from under my feet…and gets mad at me about it because I'm not thanking him for his effort. I find it hard to find my footing with Rick; I try…but no matter what I do, I make him angry and I know you probably have to defend me and it's going to create a problem for you."

"No; it doesn't create a problem for me; if I feel you need defended, yes, I defend you. When I feel he needs defended, I defend him…but it doesn't interfere with my marriage. In that same vein of thinking, it could be said that he could come between our relationship as mother and daughter…because there have been things that created issues between us…but we don't let it take away our relationship. We've done a lot of work over the past two years…we've had bad times, good times, more bad times…and now I feel like we're getting to where we should be and I don't want you to pull away from me just because you and Castle sometimes have differences of opinions."

"I don't want that either," Johanna murmured; "But I'm not sure how to do this…I don't know how to find my balance. I thought I was starting to and then it all went to hell yesterday. I don't want to be the issue of your marriage…and I don't want to be distant from you; you're my daughter, I love you…and I want you to be happy and I just worry that you won't be completely happy as long as I'm an issue to your husband."

"Mom; I promise you that I'm happy…but if you pull away from me, I won't be. I want you around, I know we've had some very bad moments since you've come home, but I don't want you to be distant. I don't want to lose the progress we've made just because you and Castle are sometimes at odds. You don't have to be in perfect harmony with my husband…I mean look at you and Grandma Beckett; you two didn't always see eye to eye but it didn't come between you and Dad and I don't see where Dad's relationship with his mother suffered any, he loved his mom and she loved him. We were all okay…and I'm sure in time, when some of the pressure is eased, you and Castle will go back to getting along better."

"I'm not sure about that; I don't seem to do anything right in his eyes. Even when I apologize I make him angry. I feel like it was different between Elizabeth and I; she hated me at first sight, maybe that made it easier…or it was just somehow easier for us to have a disagreement and move on."

"Maybe it's different because it feels more personal when things are at odds between you and Castle."

Johanna looked skeptical. "I don't know…I mean I think Lizzie was being pretty personal when she was calling me a gold digging slut and saying I was nothing but trouble."

"Okay; point taken…to an extent."

"To an extent?" Johanna asked.

"Yeah…because I think it might be easier for you to be called a slut than to handle some of the things Castle has said to you. Grandma called you a slut; but you're not one, you knew you weren't one. Castle always brings up that you left for thirteen years…and you did, because you had to; and just for the record, no, I'm not still harboring hard feelings about that. Believe me, I want you to be alive and well. But you don't like to be reminded of it for obvious reasons and I don't blame you…and yet it's the first thing he goes for when things are off between the two of you. So it was easier to take 'slut' from Grandma…because Castle hits you in a place that never stopped hurting; because I know you still feel guilty to this day, even though you don't need to; you had to do what was best for all of us and that was to stay alive. But that's your soft spot, that's where people have power to hurt you…and believe me, I hate acknowledging that my own husband hits that spot at times. He shouldn't…he needs to stop; and I will find a way to make it stop. But that's what makes it different from Grandma; she didn't really hurt your feelings, not in a deep way; but Castle has."

There was a ring of truth in that, Johanna supposed. "He does have a habit of always throwing it in my face."

"I know; and I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault…and I guess it really isn't his fault either."

"How do you figure?"

"Because he can't help how he feels; he feels I was wrong to go away…and especially wrong for staying gone as long as I did. He would've done things differently; or so he thinks…because I really believe he thinks I had numerous options to choose from and the reality is, I had two options, live or die. I chose to live….and since I chose that option, it means I ran and hid. That makes me a coward in his eyes; and maybe I am…but being a coward means that I got to be at your wedding and I get to wake up next to my husband and do all the things we planned on. So I'm okay with it if my choices make me a coward…but he's not okay with it. He looks at me and he sees someone who abandoned her family; and even though she had their best interests at heart and was trying to keep them safe; all he sees is that I was gone…and how you reacted to that and what it caused for you. He doesn't know what it felt like for me, no one does…because no one has walked in my shoes…so he judges on how he thinks he would've done it; or how he would've wrote it in a book. But life isn't a book and I think sometimes he forgets that…the world isn't always just black and white; there are ten million shades of grey in between the black and white. I don't like what I had to do and it's taken me a long time to fully accept that even with all the guilt and hurt and pain, it was the right thing to do. But it's hard when other people don't accept it…and so I do try to avoid those situations because its easy for me to drown under the weight of it sometimes."

Kate swallowed the bite of her burger that she had taken. "I get that; and I'm going to do my best to make him understand that…but you might need to explain it that way to him yourself."

"I don't think it would matter; he's made up his mind about it. He said…" she began to say and then trailed off, because she was sure that Rick wouldn't have told Kate about the part of the conversation where he had said that he wished she hadn't come back from Wyoming.

"He said what?"

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "It doesn't matter; but I just feel like I've been doing what he's wanted and somehow it's still not enough so I don't know how to proceed. I don't know how to walk the line of keeping the closeness I want with you and staying out of his way so I don't keep annoying him. It's a difficult thing to figure out…but I will; for you…because I want you to be happy and I want you to have a happy marriage and I don't ever want to be the thing that comes between the two of you. So I'll find some way…I'll work something out."

"Mom; it's not a lawsuit…you can't just work out a settlement."

"I know that…but it doesn't mean I can't find some kind of agreement that would work for everyone."

"I feel like that agreement to you would mean fading into the background…and I don't want that. I just want you to be there…I don't want to have to feel like I have to make an appointment to see you," Kate stated.

"It's never been that way, Katie; and it never will. If you need me, I'm there and I don't give a damn who likes it or who doesn't. Rick says I'm hanging off the edge of the family and he seems to think I'm doing that because I want to…I'm don't…but I think I'm there because that's where he wants me to be. All of a sudden the tune has changed and he's on this 'be a better mother-in-law' kick and I'm still doing it wrong apparently. I just don't know what to do…I'm trying to think of something that will work. I'd apologize to him for everything I've said or done that he didn't like but it makes him mad when I apologize. Looking back at my relationship with my mother-in-law, I think what helped us was that we were okay with not being each other's sunshine. We didn't feel pressured to see eye to eye…because no on sees eye to eye all the time. We were just okay with not being okay…and eventually we settled and were able to have our good times along with our occasional bad times.

Kate nodded slowly. "Grandma didn't try to change you…and you didn't try to change Grandma…"

"Right."

"But with Castle; you feel pressured to fit the ideal of his choosing...you feel judged for your past and the present…you feel like you can't really be yourself and that you can't express your feelings or opinions because there's always an issue when you do."

"Yes."

"So again, it comes down to pressure."

Johanna nodded. "You could say that. I just…I feel like I don't fit in."

Kate sighed softly. "I remember once telling you that I felt like I didn't fit in when I became more immersed in Castle's world….the parties, the money, the fancy cars, big house in the Hamptons, the list goes on; but on that occasion he had taken me to some fancy party and I felt out of my depths in that world. All those super rich people and it just felt like they were all looking at me and wondering why he was with me and that I didn't belong there. I didn't feel good enough to be there. I know that I grew up with two parents who were well off…but you and Dad have never flaunted the fact that you have money. We had the same cars everyone else did, I went to public schools, I was taught that I didn't get everything I pointed at. Yes, you had and still have some designer labels hanging in your closet that you've paid a pretty penny for…but on the flip side, I've also seen you go into a thrift store and buy a purse you liked that was in the window. You've shopped in high end stores and the basic department stores and not too long ago, Dad told me you spent over an hour in a dollar store on your vacation…and came out with bags full of stuff. You and Dad worked hard, you gave me what I needed, and yeah, you also bought me stuff just because, spoiled me on holidays and birthdays…but you didn't spoil me to the extent that I was an entitled brat. I saw no difference between our family and a friend's family who didn't have your level of income…because you taught me that there was no difference. That people were people, no matter what they looked like, what they have in the bank, or what job they held. Nothing mattered but what kind of person they were…everything else was superficial. But like I said, in Castle's world, I felt out of my depths at those parties. I told you that when I was at that party at the mayor's home; I felt like I was being labeled as just some cop…Rick Castle's latest conquest…and that some of them might be assuming that I couldn't be anything more than a cop and a conquest. That maybe I didn't have the right background or what it took to be in that world."

"I remember," Johanna said softly.

Kate met her eye. "You told me not to worry about people who label me; because they don't know me and they weren't worth my notice if they couldn't take the time to discover my true worth. You told me that I didn't have to be anyone but Kate Beckett…that no one could make me be ashamed of what I was; that I worked for it while so many others were handed their prestige on a silver platter. You told me to never lower my head, to never compromise who I am just to fit in some box that someone wants to shove me in. You said I should never feel like I don't belong…that some people might not want to give me a place but that I always had the choice to make my own place to fit who I am and not what someone wants me to be. Do you remember that?"

"Yes," she murmured.

Kate's gaze remained locked on hers. "All you ever have to be is Johanna Beckett…because I love her for the person she is, the person she's always been. She's loving and compassionate; warm, funny, smart and sassy and a hundred other little things that make her wonderful; not to mention that she's a survivor, not a victim or a martyr…a survivor and a fighter. You don't have to fit into a box; nor do you have to be shoved into one. All you have to be is Johanna…daughter of Frank and Naomi; Frankie's little sister, wife of Jim, mother of Kate, favorite aunt of Greg, best friend of Maggie…and one day, grandmother of Baby Castle. That's all you ever have to be…it's all I expect you to be. You're already in this family, and you don't have to take the slot someone wants to push you in…you can make your own place to fit you…as long as that place means you're always there and not fading into the background in effort to please people who haven't given the full effort to discover your true worth. You just be Johanna…you just be my mom…and everything else will fall into place and if there's still someone who doesn't like it…like Martha, then that's her problem, not yours…and she's free to take her problem to her own apartment if she doesn't like who I bring into my home. So you just be Johanna…you be my Mom…and since we can't forget Dad, you be Jim's wife…and grandma in waiting…and that's all you have to do; the hell with the rest. There's no pressure; you take your time and you make your place…and if anyone tries to stop you; I'll take care of it…okay?"

Johanna nodded, her chin quivering as she tried to hold back her tears. "Okay," she whispered.

Kate's smile wobbled as she reached for her mother's hand and gripped her fingers from a moment. "If Castle pressures you about who you are or how you feel, you just do what you'd do to anyone else and tell him to back the hell off…and then call me, and he will back the hell off."

"He'd really hate me then," she said with a small laugh.

"He doesn't hate you; he just doesn't know how to handle a woman who isn't taken in by his charm…although I made a good effort for a few years."

She gave a short laugh. "They do give A's for effort sometimes."

"True…and we kind of got off track about what I wanted to talk to you about, not that I mind, because maybe that conversation needed to be had; but…"

"But what?" her mother asked.

"But I still feel bad about the Colleen issue and I wanted…"she trailed off, raking her hand through her hair as she tried to choose the right words.

"Wanted what? Just tell me, Katie. I'm not mad at you, I don't blame you for it, please don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault."

"I just…I thought that I could go tell Colleen that you had nothing to do with Castle coming to see her, that it wasn't your fault or idea. I thought about going to her office to tell her that but I didn't want to do it until I talked to you first…and if you're not okay with it, I won't do it."

Johanna shook her head. "Don't go to her, Katie; just let it be," she said gently. "I appreciate the offer and the sentiment but I know how Colleen is; it wouldn't do any good and I don't want her to be rude to you."

"Are you sure?" her daughter asked. "Because I don't mind doing it."

"I know you don't…but I'd just rather let her be. She still hasn't responded to any messages and I'm not going to pressure her about it. It's done now and I'll get over it," Johanna replied. "It hurts but…you know…I'll get over it."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Kate murmured, emotion in her tone. "I'm so sorry."

"Honey; it's not your fault…you can't help it that you're a meddler anymore than I can help that I'm married to a man who can't clean out his pockets to save his life," Johanna told her with a smile.

Kate gave a small laugh despite the fact that a few tears managed to break free and spill down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" her mother asked, concern on her face. "Sweetheart, are you alright? Don't take this the wrong way, because I love when you show your emotional side because then I figure I could get away with hugging you for an hour, but you have been kind of emotional lately…is something wrong? Do you need to come home? Because you can always just come home, you know that, right?"

"Yeah; I know that," she said, smiling through her tears. "Nothing's wrong; I feel bad about Castle fouling things up for you with Colleen…and I'm…hormonal," she said, swallowing the word she wanted to say; but at least she wasn't lying, hormones were at play.

Johanna gave a small smile. "That explains it; those damn hormones, they're a pain in the ass, aren't they?"

"Yeah," she laughed, wiping away her tears. "But I do always appreciate the reminder that I can come home."

Her mother chuckled softly. "It's what my mother always said to me…'you can always just come home'."

"Did you ever go home…for maybe a night or so if you were mad at Dad?"

Johanna nodded. "Yes; once when I was pregnant with you and once when you were little. I took you with me of course. I also took you with me to Bridget's for a weekend because I was mad at your father."

"You must've pretty mad to go an hour away."

"I was livid," she replied; "But that's a story for another day…and if you ever need a night away, your room is always available."

"I appreciate it," Kate replied. "I'm glad you could come to lunch with me."

Johanna smiled. "I wouldn't have missed it…especially when it means I get to delay the grumbling hour at my office."

Her daughter laughed. "Kind of sounds like bruised ego day at the precinct."

"Mhmm…they're dirty jobs but someone's got to do it…and someone out there decided that Beckett women are the ones."

Kate giggled. "Makes you wonder who we pissed off."

"Probably plenty of people," Johanna said with a grin as she picked up a fry from her tray. "But I am glad we got to have some time together today; it's made me feel better."

"I'm glad…I don't want to lose you," she said quietly.

Johanna got up from her place and rounded the table to slide into the booth next to her daughter, pulling her into a makeshift embrace. "I'm not going anywhere, baby; don't you worry…that's not a feat your husband can accomplish."

Kate held on to her tightly, breathing in the soft scent of strawberries…she was relieved to hear that sentiment.

* * *

It was after five when Jim unlocked the door and stepped into the kitchen, a perturbed meow from Scarlett greeting him. "I know, I'm late," he said to the cat. "I called."

Scarlett meowed once more as she approached him, sitting down in front of his feet. "What is it?" he asked, looking down, and then he saw that the small rope of yarn Johanna had made for her to play with was beneath his shoe. "Oh," he said as he lifted his foot and moved the soft blue rope aside. "I stepped on your toy. I'm sorry."

Scarlett snatched up her toy and brushed against his leg affectionately. "Where's your mommy?" he asked her.

With her toy still in her mouth, Scarlett headed for the doorway of the kitchen and he followed her, having a feeling that she would lead him to her owner. He smiled as he trailed behind her as she made her way toward the office. Sure enough Johanna was inside, seated at her desk with her laptop open and her reading glasses perched on her nose. "Hi, honey," she said as she glanced up and saw him enter the room.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Jim said as he dropped his briefcase on his desk before making his way to her side and leaning down to kiss her. "That deposition took longer than we had anticipated."

"I know how it goes sometimes," Johanna replied. "I just thought I'd check and see what kind of emails the kids have left for me about the group projects or the dreaded papers in the civil rights class."

He chuckled softly. "And what awaited you in your inbox?"

"Oh the usual, can I change my topic, I don't like working with this person, when is this due, I want to work alone…you know, all the fun stuff."

Jim kissed her temple. "Well the ones complaining about who they have to work with; tell them to get used to that; we've both had to work with colleagues that we didn't like and we didn't enjoy the experience but it had to be done."

"Oh I have told them that; I said it in class, I said it in the email…maybe I should bring you in one day and have you say it."

"If you think it'll help, I'll be there," he told her with a grin. "How was your lunch with Katie?"

"It was good," she replied. "I'm glad she came...it made me feel better."

"I'm glad," he murmured, a soft grin playing on his lips, his fingers reaching out and toying with a strand of her hair. "But I thought I made you feel better."

Johanna smiled up at him as she pulled off her reading glasses. "You know you did…but this was a bonus feel better kind of thing."

He laughed quietly. "I was just teasing; I'm glad you had some time with Katie today. She must've been missing you to show up out of the blue."

"Maybe…but mostly she feels bad about what Rick did…she feels like she should've known and stopped it."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth; that it's not her fault and I'm not mad at her. She can't help what he did; he took that upon himself."

"That's true, he did."

"She offered to go tell Colleen that I didn't have anything to do with it but I told her to just let it be. Clearly it's how Colleen wants it so I'm not going to pressure her."

"Knowing Colleen, she'll wait a few months to make you sweat it out and then she'll pop some small message into that inbox, acting like nothing ever happened."

"Maybe…maybe not…I thought about deleting the account," Johanna confessed.

Jim shook his head. "No, don't do that yet; wait awhile and see if she comes back."

"I'll give it a few months and then I'll delete it," she replied. "If I don't give myself a deadline to get rid of it, I'll dwell on checking it and I can't do that."

"I know, I don't want you to dwell on it either…give her until after Christmas, if you don't hear from her by New Year's, shut it down."

"Sounds like a reasonable timeframe," Johanna said, a small smile tugging on her lips. "I'm so glad I consulted my lawyer."

He grinned and stole a quick kiss. "You can pay my fee later."

"Don't I always?" she quipped.

"You sure do; that's why you're my favorite client."

"I better be your only client who pays my bill in those chosen methods," Johanna stated.

"You know you are. I only have one extra special client and that's you."

"It's a good damn thing. I didn't know you were having a business lunch today or I would've texted instead of calling."

"You didn't interrupt anything," Jim assured. "It wasn't the kind of business you're thinking."

"Oh?" she asked. "Then what kind was it…did you buy another car?"

"No," he laughed; "Andrew and I are still looking for the right Mustang."

"Is anything wrong?" Johanna asked; a touch of worry in her eyes.

"Nothing's wrong…I just had some business to handle with Rick."

Johanna sighed, her eyes closing for a moment. "So how much does he hate me now?"

He smiled as he pressed a kiss against her hair. "Trust me, sweetheart; I'm sure you look damn good compared to me right now."

"Jim…"

"No," he said; "I won't apologize for it…I only let people get away with things for so long and he crossed enough lines now. You're my wife…and if someone treats you in a way I don't like, I'm letting them know about it; son-in-law or not. He's had it coming, Jo; and today he got it. Now maybe he'll mind his manners a little more."

"Does Katie know you had this little meeting with her husband?"

"No; he can tell her, or you can tell her. I don't care, I'll call and tell her myself if you want me to."

She shook her head. "No; I think we'll just see if that one slides under the radar."

Jim gave her a small smile, his knuckle caressing the line of her jaw. "You know when it comes to you, I can't let things go, sweetheart."

"I know…you've always been my knight in shining armor," she replied softly. "I'm not mad; you know I just worry."

"Don't worry," he assured. "Everything is fine."

She captured his hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'm going to go change before dinner is ready."

Johanna nodded and allowed him to slip away. She didn't need to ask what he had said to Rick; she could imagine…and she didn't want to know her son-in-law's responses for that matter either. Some things she was just better off not knowing. She closed her email and had just shut the lid of her laptop when her phone chimed, alerting her to a new text.

"Speak of the devil," she muttered, seeing Castle's name on the message.

" _I want to stick to our deal; you know the one, if Tuesday lunch goes bad, we have lunch again Thursday…are you willing to do that?"_

In all honesty, she didn't want to…it felt too soon…she still felt hurt and wanted some time to pass before she had to look at him again. But if she said no, she'd hand him another reason to label her as being impossible…another reason to be angry with her…another black mark against her name in his book. She frowned; why did she feel like she didn't have the right to say no? She knew that wasn't really the case…she could say no and ask to wait until next week…she didn't really think Kate would hold it against her…but Rick would…because he held everything against her.

She sighed. There wasn't any way out…but maybe she could make herself more comfortable with the idea for a change. _"If you want to have lunch with me, come here tomorrow at the usual time."_

She pressed send and waited for the response, counting off a full two minutes before her phone chimed once again.

" _Why?"_ Castle had written. _"I thought the café was neutral ground and was better suited for our meetings."_

" _It didn't feel all that neutral on Tuesday,"_ she wrote back. _"Come here or wait until next week; the choice is yours. What are you afraid I'm going to do to you? Shoot you and bury you in my flower bed in the back yard?"_

" _One can never tell with you,"_ he replied.

" _Then don't show up if you're so afraid,"_ Johanna typed. _"But I'm not going out tomorrow; so it's either here or nowhere, makes no difference to me. I assure you that you'll be quite safe; the gun will be in the drawer and I won't hold you hostage, because believe me, you'd drive me crazy within the first hour and I won't poison your food…in fact if it'll make you feel better, feel free to bring your own food. The choice is yours; lunch here or I'll see you next Tuesday if I'm feeling inclined to do so."_

The phone was silent for another two minutes. _"Fine,"_ he wrote back. _"Have it your way this time; I'll come there…is Jim going to be there?"_

" _No, why? Are you that uncomfortable being alone with me that you think you need a chaperone? Believe me, I don't want you; Katie and I never did have the same taste in men."_

" _Rest assured, I never for a second entertained the notion that you'd want me at all…and please don't put things like that in my brain, you're practically my mother."_

" _Don't insult me by calling me Martha…I have better taste in clothes than she does."_

" _Okay; listen, I don't think you have any bad reasons for wanting me to come there, I just asked about Jim because I know I'm not his favorite person this week and I didn't want to get punched."_

" _You'll be fine, Rick…but if he'd pop up, rest assured, I have plenty of ice in the freezer if you'd require some."_

" _You're hospitable like that."_

" _My mother taught me well,"_ Johanna wrote. _"Again, the choice is yours. You can come here for lunch or wait until next week, I don't care. I just want to stay home tomorrow. I'll be here all day, so if you show up, fine, if not, that's fine too. I think I should be allowed to change the venue once in awhile."_

A minute passed and she rose from her chair to head for the kitchen, knowing the timer on the oven would be going off soon. The phone chimed in her hand.

" _See you tomorrow…will there be brownies?"_

" _No."_

" _If I asked nicely, could there be brownies?"_

" _We'll see how tomorrow goes first; and then, I might consider making you some brownies."_

" _I can live with that,"_ Castle responded.

" _I'll see you tomorrow,"_ Johanna wrote back; thinking to herself that she might fair a little better being in her own territory.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews as always!_

Chapter 13

"I'm having lunch with your mother tomorrow," Castle stated quietly as he stared at the bedroom ceiling that night. He couldn't help but find the silence of his wife oppressive… and her position of keeping her back to him somewhat unnerving. He supposed that he should be lucky that she didn't lock him out of the room for a second night…and he was almost tempted to ask why she didn't but he didn't want risk reminding her that it had been an option.

"Does she know that?" Kate asked flatly.

"Of course. I sent her a text and asked her…she's demanded that I go to the house though. She won't meet me in public tomorrow."

"Home field advantage," she mumbled as she snuggled against her pillow. "She's lost too many rounds in your chosen arena…she wants to be in her own territory where she'll feel secure."

"You make it sound like I threaten her."

"That's because you took security in the physical way of meaning. She doesn't fear you...she wants emotional security and she has that in her own home…along with a nice sized backyard if she whams you with an iron and needs somewhere to put you."

Castle cringed. "That's not a pleasant thought to go to sleep with."

"You haven't given many pleasant thoughts yourself lately."

"Point taken," he replied; a beat of silence following before he spoke once more. "Did you know that your dad had me investigated when I started shadowing you?"

"Who told you that?" she asked.

"Your father…he demanded to meet me for lunch today."

"Did he read you the riot act?"

"Several versions of it…you don't seem surprised that he requested this meeting. Did you know in advance…is that why you went and had lunch with your mother?"

"No, I didn't know in advance but I figured it wouldn't take too many reports about things you said and did to tick him off enough to come after you. As for my mother, I had lunch with her for several reasons; one, I wanted to; two, I wanted to apologize to her for the actions of my husband; and three, I wanted to offer to go to Colleen and clear up any doubts about Mom's involvement in what you did. She declined…and I respected her wishes…unlike some people."

He sighed. "I told you I was sorry, Kate; what more do you want?"

"I want you to listen to me when I tell you not to do something stupid," she said sharply. "I can just picture one day in the future, I'll come home to find out that our kid has a pet monkey because you'll think it's a great idea and won't listen to a word I say about how I'm not living with some filthy stinking monkey and I'll be the bad guy…all because you can't listen…or rather, you can listen, you just don't when it suits you."

"How did a monkey get in this conversation?" Castle asked.

"Because it's the kind of stupid thing I can see you doing…just like when you went to my aunt. I'm telling you right now, Castle; if I ever come home and find a monkey, we're divorced the next day."

"Okay; no pet monkeys and no talking to your aunt, I've got it," he sighed. "I've also got all of your father's lectures in mind so you don't need to give me anymore…he covered all the bases and threatened me with bodily harm. Your mother never has to doubt his devotion to her."

"She never has and she never will. Even with a thirteen year separation, they've never wavered in their love and devotion. You only cross so many lines with her before he steps in."

"Yeah…he made that clear…but back to my original question; did you know that he had me investigated?"

"Yes," Kate murmured. "He told me after the fact…he didn't find anything I didn't already know from my own investigation."

"Your own investigation?"

"Castle; did you really think I'd let someone I didn't know follow me around without checking more than just their rap sheet? It really shouldn't be a surprise to you."

"It was a surprise that your father did it."

"He's not overly trusting…for obvious reasons."

"Were you mad? Because that seems like something you'd be mad about…having him poking into your life like that."

"He wasn't poking into my life, he was poking into yours; and no I wasn't mad. I was still highly annoyed with you then and had hope that he had found something I could use to get rid of you."

Castle smiled, his hand reaching out and patting her hip. "Well, you see how that worked out for you."

"Don't rub it in, Castle…I'm still mad at you."

"Which brings me back to the topic…you weren't mad at him?"

"No, it didn't make me mad. He's my father; he was looking out for me. He knew I wasn't exactly thrilled with the arrangement and I think it worried him for a little while."

"And yet when I asked you to look into Alexis's date, you wouldn't do it and acted like it was wrong of me to want it done."

"That's because Alexis was a teenage girl going to prom with a little overachieving nerd who was probably terrified of the thought of meeting you for long enough to pick her up. You had nothing to worry about; she was going to be in a place with supervision of teachers and parents, not to mention at least a hundred other kids. In my father's case, we had already lost Mom to something we didn't understand…we didn't know who was behind it or connected to it…he wasn't taking a chance of losing me. I'm all he had…I'm a part of her, his link to her…if he had lost me, it would've been like losing her all over again along with me. So no, I couldn't be angry with him for being a concerned father and having my back. He's my Dad…he didn't investigate my prom date…just some writer who suddenly wanted to tag along with me at work. Are you offended that he did it?"

"A little…I mean there was nothing about me that indicated that I was a threat to you. People know who I am…"

"Yeah; people knew who William Bracken was too…thought he was a good man, family values, for the people…and he tried to kill my mother, he tried to kill me…just because you're known doesn't mean you can't be something other than you portray…you learned that lesson with Damien Westlake. You knew him, though he was above reproach…but he wasn't, he had his own father murdered. Dad didn't know you…I didn't know you outside of your books…how could he be sure that you were what we thought you were? Saying that people know you…that's an elitist attitude…and probably a reason why you clash with my mother, because she doesn't like when people act that way. You don't get a free pass just because your name in known. Dad had your background looked into for his own peace of mind…and if you want to suggest that I'm a hypocrite for saying it was okay for him and not for you…let me remind you that you're laying there doing the same thing…thinking it was okay for you and yet condemning my father for wanting to protect his daughter."

"You have a point about that," he said quietly. "A father will do everything in his power to make sure his child is safe…I guess especially after everything your father had been through."

"He didn't know you then…he knows you now."

"I don't think he's a fan…"

"Quit picking at his wife and he'll like you as much as he always did."

"I'm trying to improve."

"What do you intend to say or do when you see her tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"Apologize…and hopefully the right words will come when I get there. I'm sure she won't make it easy for me, she never does."

"Why should she when no one has ever made anything easy for her," she whispered.

"Can I ask why this pregnancy has suddenly made you even more protective of your mother than usual?" Castle asked.

Kate turned over to face him. "Why do you say it like it's a bad thing?"

He shrugged. "Just seems like a sudden about face…before I don't think you cared so much about what was said or done to her…you've said plenty of hurtful things to her."

"I'm aware of that," she said sharply; "And I regret it…I regret a lot of things about the last two years and I've been working hard to show her that I'm sorry, that I love her…and this baby…this grandchild she's been waiting on, it's going to bring us even closer together. I'm going to be a mother, Castle…and it's already been wished on me that I have a child just like me or worse…just like my grandmother wished it on my mother…and believe me, I'm worse than her…so I know I'm in for it. I'm going to pay for my sins when our kid dishes it back to me…and my mother…she's going to laugh…and then she'll console me in the way only mothers can. I need her…I'm not blowing the second chance we got. I need her, I love her, I want her to share in every moment of her grandchild's life. Yes, I am protective of her…because I don't want to lose her again. I look back and see the damage that's been done…but I know this baby will heal us all, especially her. So stepping on her and pushing her aside isn't an option anymore. Ignoring her isn't something I'm going to let happen like I was. I want us to be the mother and daughter that we always were…the one we started to be again during the chaos…before I started blowing every single thing I could with her because I was still angry and petty…and too worried about making sure you thought my world was completely you so you wouldn't leave me; because there were times when I felt like that's how it was…if you didn't have all of my attention, you might get distracted and decide I wasn't what you wanted after all. We took a lot of things from her…and it's time to make up for it…and I'm telling her about the baby next week."

"That wasn't the plan."

"I don't care about the plan anymore; I'm telling her next week…so make tomorrow count, Castle; make it count…because I'm telling her. I can't stand not telling her anymore. I'll make a new plan but she's going to know by the end of next week…and I'm sorry if that makes you angry but I can't wait on you to get done whatever it is you're trying to accomplish when you just keep setting back the progress you do make. If I do that; she'll find out on her own because she won't miss the baby bump. So I'm telling her and if you want to get mad, get mad, I don't care. You think for me it's just about giving her a moment…and it's not, it's about _me_ having a moment I never thought I'd have and I'm tired of waiting."

He gave a resigned nod. "I understand…especially in light of this week's circumstances."

"Are you going to be mad?" she asked.

"No; you have every right to tell her…you gave me a chance like you said you would…now I have an even more specific deadline. I've got a lot of sucking up to do and so little time to do it."

"Don't make it obvious," Kate replied as she turned back onto her side. "She knows a snow job when she sees it."

Castle blew out a quiet breath…he still wished he had a grand gesture to speed up the process.

* * *

The next afternoon, Castle parked in the Becketts driveway, a feeling of slight trepidation pressing down on his shoulders as he reached for the textbook lying on the passenger seat. He couldn't help but wonder what this lunch would bring…he had to admit that being in Johanna's territory was unnerving; this was her home, her domain…she ruled the roost and he wasn't guaranteed a fair trial away from the eyes of the public which always guaranteed that their voices be kept down and that their discussions look amicable to the outside world. Here, in her kitchen…she'd be allowed to have the last word, the right to toss him out on his ear. She had more power here…and he could admit to himself that it felt like a ridiculous thing to think; his mother-in-law carefully arranging things to gain more power as if she was a Tudor Queen who was strategically planning her battle.

He blew out a breath, Johanna Beckett was no Elizabeth I…but she did know how to accomplish things; and even if power was a ridiculous notion to hold in regard to the place where lunch was held, he felt the notion just the same. She wasn't a queen…although he was sure that he had classified her as Queen Johanna once or twice…and he was positive that she was a queen in his father-in-law's eyes…but the truth of the matter was that she wasn't a cunning queen. No; she wasn't that at all…it was much worse, she was a mother-in-law…even worse, she was a lawyer. She might not walk into courtrooms and try cases anymore…but she still knew how to go about winning her case. It wasn't just about the work done, it was about the presentation of that work; he had jotted down that phrase she had spoken in her class the week before. Johanna knew the importance of presentation…and so of course she'd pick her own home; her own kitchen to launch her next course of action.

Maybe it was a bad idea, Castle thought as he climbed the steps leading to the backdoor; in fact he was sure that it was a bad idea but he couldn't back out now. With a resigned breath, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. The first knock went unanswered, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was part of her plot; to invite him over and then let him stand on the porch, shunned and feeling like an idiot. He knocked again and then registered the sound of footsteps coming near the door. The curtain on the window of the door brushed aside for a nanosecond, checking his identity before the lock released and she pulled the door open.

"I was starting to think you had changed your mind," Castle remarked as he faced his mother-in-law.

"I took my basket of laundry upstairs," Johanna replied as she stooped down and scooped up Scarlett so that Castle wouldn't step on her small paws as he stepped inside.

"Oh," he replied, awkwardness setting in as he watched her set her cat down in a safe spot away from his feet. He noticed that her feet were bare…and it suddenly dawned on him that he had gotten unaccustomed to seeing her without three inch heels. The loss of height made her seem smaller…something he wouldn't think she'd want him to witness. The shoes were as much a part of her armor as they were Kate's…a piece of her confidence. It seemed odd…just as he was now unaccustomed to seeing his mother-in-law's face scrubbed clean of makeup…and she wasn't wearing any, he noticed; her lips were unpainted…her eyelids missing that dash of eyeshadow that highlighted her green eyes…no swipe of mascara detectable on her long ink colored lashes. No makeup, no heels…her hair pulled back in a ponytail; dressed in a thin blue long sleeved shirt and faded jeans so worn that material looked nearly white in some areas. She wasn't dressed like a woman prepared to wage her battle and it bothered him a little. Really it wasn't so odd, he figured…Johanna wouldn't feel the need to put on shoes and make up when she clearly had no intention of leaving the house…but still…it left him unbalanced to see her that way…without the heels to add attitude to her walk…the makeup serving as part of a mask. She seemed small…it made her seem different…it reminded him of when she lived with Kate and he had been slightly more sympathetic to her plight. Was it a part of her plot? A softer look and a location of her choosing…he shook his head. He was making her into one of those medieval monarchs again.

"Lunch will be ready in a few minutes," Johanna said as she gestured for him to take a seat at the table.

"I, uh, brought your book back," he said, holding out the textbook to her.

Johanna accepted the book and laid it on the counter. "I hope you found it helpful."

"I did, thank you," he remarked while taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair. He had a feeling that she wouldn't assist him with his research again.

She stayed quiet, moving to the sink to wash her hands in anticipation of the timer going off on the oven.

"Where's Jim?" Castle allowed himself to ask, his gaze darting toward the doorway of the kitchen.

"At work, like I told you he would be," Johanna replied. "You're safe."

"Does he know I was coming over?"

"Yes…why would I keep it from him?"

He shrugged. "I just thought he might not approve at the moment."

"He doesn't; he thinks I should be done with your lunch campaign but he said that decision is mine."

"And you don't agree with him yet?"

"You're here, aren't you?"

"Yes…although I keep wondering why it had to be _here_ ," Castle stated.

Johanna laid aside the dish towel she had dried her hands on and turned to face him although she remained near the sink. "I told you; I wasn't going out today. I like to stay home on the mornings when I don't work. Is there a problem with being here?"

"No…it's just that the café felt like neutral ground."

"So it's okay for me to come to your playground but you don't want to come to mine?"

His brow rose. "I'm not sure I catch your meaning?"

"I came to your home for dinner when you invited me last week…it won't kill you to have lunch in my home."

"Kate says this is home field advantage."

"She's a smart girl, I raised her that way."

"So you're not denying it?"

"No; I'm not denying that I wanted to stay home today…and that I really didn't give a damn if you liked the demand to come here if you wanted to see me. If that gives me so called 'home field advantage' so be it…because yes, I prefer to be in the comfort of my own home today. Now I've given all the reasons I'm going to give for my choice; if you didn't like it, you didn't have to come."

"Kate also mentioned that you have a nice backyard to bury me in," Castle remarked.

His mother-in-law smirked. "She must still be mad at you."

He nodded. "It's been a little chilly at home."

"I'm sorry I can't extend much sympathy to you about your plight…but you know, you should expect that since I'm evil mother-in-law number three," Johanna replied.

Castle smiled. "You're still mad too."

"No; I'm not mad…merely waiting on delivery of my sash and crown to go with the title…your last mother-in-law did return it, didn't she? I wouldn't want you to have to buy new just for me."

"Unfortunately I hadn't thought of gifting a crown and sash…Gina's mother probably would've liked that."

Johanna smiled a little. "Do you think she'd like to start a club with me?"

"No; I'd rather you not meet Gina's mother…she would taint you."

"And Meredith's?"

"You don't want to meet her either…just be a club of one. Why aren't you wearing makeup?"

Johanna's brow rose. "That was a fast subject change…and why is it of consequence that I'm not wearing makeup?"

"I'm just used to you wearing it."

"Does my face offend you without it?"

"No, of course not…you look like Kate."

"It's more like Katie looks like me…only I'm the older, dark haired version."

"You don't look all that much older…your family must have good genes."

"We do…at least in the way of aging…personality wise is up for debate I suppose."

"I don't think we should do that," Castle remarked somewhat quietly. That was definitely a can of worms he should avoid.

"Probably not. What would you like to drink?"

"Coffee's fine," he replied.

Johanna took down a mug from the cupboard and he watched as she prepared his coffee the way he liked it…which should probably tell him that she wasn't as detached as she sometimes seemed in regard to him. She sat the mug down on the table in front of him and then moved to back to the stove where she had water heated for a cup of tea for herself. He stayed quiet as she fixed her drink and placed it on the table, moving her reading glasses and her paperback book to the side where they'd be out of the way.

The timer went off on the oven and she grabbed a potholder and opened the door, pulling out the tray that had two sandwiches on it.

"Those look good," Castle commented. "What are they?"

"This sandwich is called a panini," Johanna replied as she put one on each plate.

"Store bought?"

"No; I found a recipe in a magazine. I tweaked it to mine and Jim's preferences. The bread is Italian; there are small chunks of chicken, crumbled bacon, cheese and a sauce that the recipe called for."

"Sounds good," he said sincerely as she placed the plate in front of him and then sat down her own before moving to the refrigerator and taking out two small salads.

"I hope you'll like it," she replied.

"I'm sure I will," he said as he picked up his knife to cut the sandwich in half.

Johanna settled down across from him and he didn't miss the fact that Scarlett hurried towards her and laid down near her feet.

"Scarlett likes to stay close," he commented.

"She loves me," Johanna replied while cutting her own sandwich. "She also knows that I love her."

Castle took a bite of his sandwich, hoping to buy himself some time to find the right words, but for the moment, his worries were forgotten. "This is really good," he said as the flavors of the sandwich hit his tongue.

"I'm glad you like it."

An awkward silence fell over the table for a few moments and he knew that he'd have to be the one to break it; to bring up the elephant in the room.

"Listen," Castle said; his tone quiet. "I'm sorry I fouled things up with your sister. I should've listened to Kate and left that part of your life alone."

Johanna gave a small nod. "Yeah; you should have. I know you thought you were doing the right thing…and you wanted me to be grateful…and I wasn't and can't find it in me to pretend I am to make you feel better. I can, however, put it in the past. At least I know now that nothing was ever going to change and I can quit trying. So, I guess I can thank you for closure. I know it's not the thank you that you wanted but it's the only one I can give."

Castle glanced down at his plate. Somehow having her excuse what he had done so easily was a feeling worse than her anger. "You're just letting me off the hook?" he asked.

"It looks that way."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Johanna asked. "What's the point in holding on to it? It's not going to make anything different…not where Colleen is concerned. It might make me more cautious about what I share with you…because you did break my trust and that's not something I can push aside easily. But I can put the rest in the past…I don't want to create more issues between us by holding on to it…I'm growing tired of this battle."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that I'm not what's important here…and neither are you. What's important is Katie. I don't want to be the issue of your marriage; I don't want to come between the two of you. I don't want her to spend her life thinking she has to choose between us…that she always has to be defending one or the other. She's not going to be happy in that situation. Her happiness is more important than me…and it's more important than you. I won't allow you to pick my box...but I will concede the battle to you."

"Concede the battle?" he asked.

Johanna nodded. "Yes, you win. I concede…I don't want to be in this fight anymore. I am who I am…and I won't change to suit you, nor would I ask you to change who you are."

Castle held up a hand to silence her. "There's a lot in that statement and I think maybe we should dissect it. I don't know if I like this 'concede the battle' message you're relaying. Is that how you view our relationship, a battle?"

"Yes," she said honestly. "Don't you? How can I not view it as a battle when I always seem to earn your ire or disdain no matter what I do. How can it not be a battle when I have so many traits and flaws that annoy you? Are you really going to tell me that you haven't likened it to a battle in your mind?"

He swallowed the bite he had taken and then took a sip of coffee. "No, I can't tell you that I haven't likened it to a battle…especially when I viewed your demand for this location as home field advantage and thought you must be plotting your battle…in a Tudor Queen like way."

Johanna swallowed a sip of her tea. "Tudor Queens, huh? I don't find it a fitting metaphor for me; after all, most Tudor Queens had terrible fates. The first Tudor Queen was Elizabeth of York, she had to marry her family's enemy, Henry Tudor and she died at thirty-seven after giving birth for the seventh time I believe, not mention suffering through the deaths of a few of her young children. The Queens of Henry the eighth, who was Elizabeth York's second son, also met bad ends. It's said that first wife Catherine of Aragon was poisoned, Anne Boleyn of course was beheaded, Jane Seymour died a few days after giving birth, Anne of Cleves was deemed too ugly which made it possible for her to get out alive; Catherine Howard was beheaded and his last wife, Catherine Parr managed to outlive him…seemed like a hard thing to do with those Tudor men. His children of course fared no better, his son died as a teenager, Mary became known as Bloody Mary during her reign. Elizabeth, however, reigned a long time but died unmarried and childless…and she wasn't spared her share of scandals. I don't think I'm anywhere near as bad as they were, despite my trials and tribulations."

"I didn't realize you were so well versed in Tudor history," Castle remarked.

"I like to read…remember, I like historical fiction as well as mysteries and romance."

He nodded. "I do remember that."

"I also spent time in London…Maggie and I filled our days with historical tours while our husbands were working."

"A real queen wouldn't concede the battle on a whim," he found himself saying.

Johanna met his eye. "A true queen rules with her heart and not just her mind. A true queen considers the welfare of everyone in her kingdom…and if conceding some small skirmish of a battle means her kingdom will be happier and fare better…she'll do so with few qualms."

"But for a queen to concede…it wouldn't look good to her subjects."

"There are always detractors…a queen never pleases all of her subjects and she knows that…she knows conceding would probably give cause for some subjects to call her weak; to question her position and her right to own the title. But concession isn't something any queen does without thought of the consequences. If it's a battle she feels destined to lose, then pulling away from a long tedious war might look better to the people in her realm. The majority will realize that she was sparing them the hardships a losing battle would bring. With a minor concession, she can make negotiations and treaties that benefit all parties instead of letting things progress and become worse on the battlefield."

"But there might still be those who think she gave up too easily."

"Some queens would prefer to be remembered for a concession…than a long drawn out battle that ended in hollow victory with casualties that she never wanted to acquire."

"But are those the kind of queens little girls aspire to be? The kind of queen who concedes in the midst of battle?"

Johanna's chin jutted up a notch. "A true queen isn't measured by the battles she waged and won…she's measured by the depths of her heart and what her people meant to her…and what she was willing to do for them, even if it meant self sacrifice. Some little girls do aspire to be a queen of hearts."

"Okay," Castle said with a nod; "I do get that…but I don't think concession is necessary here in this realm."

"Maybe it is…and just because I concede the battle, doesn't mean I concede everything. I don't concede to your thoughts concerning me."

"Meaning?"

"You don't accept me for who I am," Johanna remarked. "You think I need to fit some specific mold that you have in mind. You want to fix me…but I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, and if I did, you wouldn't be the person who could accomplish the feat. I'm the person I've always been. I'm not perfect; I make mistakes, I do things wrong, I have flaws. There are things in my past that I regret…things I wish I could change; but I can't change the past. What's done is done and it's taken me a long time to accept that and make my peace with it. I can't spend every day of my life dwelling on a sector of years when I was forced to do something I hated; something I felt I had no control over. I can't keep dwelling on it because then I drown. I can't let people wield that sword over me to shame me and put me in a box they feel is a suitable place for me…a box I already lived in for too long."

"I know, I…" Castle started to say.

"No," Johanna said with a shake of her head. "You're going to listen to all of it before you have your say."

He decided it would probably be best not to fight her…to allow her to speak her piece without interruption for the time being and so he nodded, giving way to her will.

Johanna met his eye. "You don't get to pick my box, Rick. You don't get to decide where I belong in this family and how I should act and what mold I should fit. I was created to fit the mold made specifically for me…not to be squeezed into one of your making. People have been shoving women into boxes since the beginning of time…even those Tudor Queens were shoved into boxes that maybe they didn't want to be in. Queens, first ladies, wives, mothers…actresses…lawyers…cops…no matter the decade, there's always someone somewhere trying to put us in the box they feel we belong in…but through the years we've learned to fight back and bust those boxes open and make our own place. You don't get to pick my box, you don't get to pick my spot or tell me where I get to stand in my own family. I do the choosing, not you…you can't pick a dress for me, let alone a box to contain me."

"It's not like that," he said, but she shook her head and he fell silent.

"It is like that," Johanna went on. "You think you know me, and really, you don't. You think you know what's best and that you'll decide the role that everyone plays…like we're characters in your books and you're outlining who is a villain and who is a hero. Reality isn't so neat and simple. You don't get to make all the choices. You don't get to pick my box and tell me how to live in it. You don't get to tell me what kind of woman to be, how to think, feel or behave. I've been a woman since before you were born; and I've been taking care of my own thoughts, feelings and actions for a very long time. You don't get to tell me how to be a mother…I've been one for over thirty years and she turned out pretty damn well so I don't think I did a bad job. You won't tell me how to be a grandmother when that day comes. You don't get to tell me what kind of mother-in-law I'm going to be. You don't make the choices. I make the choice; I pick my box and that box isn't narrow, it doesn't have a lid and its sides easily expand in accordance to my feelings and wishes."

'No; I wasn't trying to put you in a box. I just want you to be a good mother-in-law."

"Did it ever occur to you that I could be one on my own, in time? I haven't even held the job for a full year…and yet I've already received a failing grade and get the dubious honor of carrying the mantel of being the cause of unhappiness for the whole family."

"I was angry when I said that and I do apologize for it," Castle told her; "As for becoming a good mother-in-law in time…I was just hoping to speed up the process a little."

"Yes, I know…I just don't know the full reason for it. I think part of our issue is that we both interpret the title of mother-in-law differently. You see, to me, a mother-in-law continues to mother her own child while accepting that the new spouse is now a part of that child. A considerate mother-in-law knows that she needs to maintain certain boundaries so that she can't be accused of constantly being in their business. She will certainly offer moral support or advice if it's needed, but she knows to mind herself…because if she gets too mixed up in the martial business, the spouse might convince that mother's child that it's best to see less of her…because some spouses are able to exude that type of power. So I see the role as a bit of a balancing act; I have my own mother-in-law as an example, and my mother's example as well. My mother-in-law hated my guts and made no secret of it. The first time she laid eyes on me, she hated me and I wasn't even dating Jim at the time, but she hated me. She threw holy fits when she learned we were dating; called and demanded I cancel plans I made to help him celebrate his birthday, called me every name in the book, and accused me of being a gold digging slut. She learned I had a food allergy, put pecans in everything she served at Thanksgiving. When Jim gave her the news we were engaged, he took pictures of her outrage," she said with a laugh. "I still have them somewhere; she looked like she was on the verge of a stroke. She even took to her bed in distress at the thought he was going to marry me. She threw a number of fits during our engagement…even got into my head enough once that I called off the wedding. I came to my senses with some help…and she wore black on that day in August when I walked down the aisle. I knew going in that I had an adversary…but I didn't try to change her. I accepted that she was what she was. I'm not saying I didn't get pissed off at her, I did. I'm not saying we didn't fight, we did. We just didn't launch any campaigns to change one another. We had our fights, sometimes dinners were boycotted and sometimes I had to grudgingly apologize for whatever offense she felt I committed. But we accepted each other as is…and eventually, with time and a grandchild presented to her that has her hair color and smirk; we settled into a relationship that we could be comfortable with. Did we still annoy each other? God yes. Did we still fight? Occasionally. Did we have bad times? Yes. Did we have good times? We did…I have some very fond memories of Elizabeth; I mourned her, I still miss her…even though she did drive me crazy."

Castle took a sip of his coffee. "You keep wanting to make dysfunction sound healthy."

"Guess what, Rick; sometimes a little comfortable dysfunction is healthy. Sure Lizzie and I had our battles…but it didn't cause a rift in our family…it amused them more than anything; and hell, sometimes a good argument between us was a little like stress relief. Now my mother; she adored Jim…but she didn't try to mother him, because he already had a mother. She treated him kindly, showed interest in him, gave her blessing for our marriage, adored our child and said she could rest easy knowing he'd take care of me. They had an amicable relationship with no pressure to do so. My father and my grandmother; they got along for the most part…but there were times when they didn't get along…times when he hated being his mother-in-law's chauffer when my mother would insist that he go to Brooklyn and get her. Grandma never held back with Dad; she told him how it was whether he liked it or not. She expressed her opinions in a very matter of fact way and swore she could put the eye on people…she put it on Dad…he swears that's how he and Mom ended up with Colleen…which does seem fitting. They sometimes bickered at holiday meals; she hit him with a wooden spoon once for eating a whole container of her biscotti before he was allowed to…but overall, they were okay with each other…and if she said something he didn't like; well, he had to get over it, as my mother told him."

"What's your point in this trip through your family history?" Castle asked.

Johanna sighed. "My point is; it doesn't have to be all rainbows and skittles all the time. Families can have their issues and still be fine with one another. I was explaining to you the way I see my role the way I do; the way I've observed it, and the way it worked when I was a daughter-in-law. Do you really think I have nothing to offer in the way of human interactions? Do you think I've learned nothing through my life and my career? There's no such thing as a perfect family, Rick…that's my point. People don't get along all the time…you know that."

"I do…but…"

"But you view the title of mother-in-law differently," Johanna remarked. "I was getting to that, believe it or not…and I apologize for boring you with my family history. I realize that I have no celebrities hanging from the branches of my family tree to keep you entertained, but if it makes you feel any better, I did meet Katharine Hepburn once."

"Really?" he asked, his brow rising in interest.

"Yes; but I wouldn't want to bore you with the tale of a sixteen year old girl standing around a theater long past her curfew. Anyway…"

"Wait, you're not going to give me that story?"

"No," Johanna replied; "My story telling skills aren't up to par with your lofty standards."

He gave her a tight lipped smile. "Any chance you take after that grandmother you mentioned?"

"Perhaps," she remarked; "She did tell me that the one good thing about crossing the line into your sixties was that you could start saying whatever the hell you wanted…God knows she did…and I did take the lesson to heart because she was a fun lady and I figure if I can't be like Naomi McKenzie, then Sophia Calabrese will suit me just fine."

"Calabrese, I like that name," Castle remarked, turning it over in his mind, already mentally assigning it as the maiden name of Erica Bradley's mother in his new series. "Did your mother like her name?"

Johanna looked at him oddly. "What?"

"Did she like the name Naomi?"

She shrugged. "She always said she was just glad that she wasn't named Mary or Maria like most of the girls she grew up with."

"She never mentioned a name she would've liked to have had instead?"

"Why?"

"I just like names," he stated; "Writers hazard."

"She never really mentioned anything…she had originally planned to name me Melissa and she had planned on naming my sister Rachel but Dad didn't like that name so they chose Colleen. I do remember my grandmother saying that my grandfather wanted to name my mother Violet…but she preferred a biblical name to the name of a flower."

"Interesting," Castle stated; thinking to himself that Erica Bradley's mother was now officially Violet Calabrese.

"I'm glad that topic was more to your liking but you got me off track. We were discussing how we have different views about the title of mother-in-law. I think I know how you view the title, I'm sure you'll disagree with what I have to say on the topic but since it's my kitchen, I'll say it anyway."

"I knew that was the reason for this venue," he quipped.

"You're free to go anytime," Johanna replied. "I won't be angry."

"I'm not going to flee just yet," Castle remarked. "Please enlighten me."

Her eyes narrowed slightly and she bit back a retort; instead deciding to follow the course she had already set. "I believe when you think about the title of mother-in-law, you focus heavily on the word 'mother'. You want a mother-in-law who acts like a second mother. You want to be mothered, you like to be mothered. There's nothing wrong with that…but I'm not your mother. You want me to be like _your_ mother; but I'm not Martha. I can't mother someone who already has a mother who is involved in his life the way a mother should be. You already have a wonderful mother; you don't need a second one. I would never try to mother you; to me, that would be disrespectful to Martha…it would be like usurping her role. Don't get me wrong, I can love you, I can support you, I can be there for you in whatever you need…but I won't mother you. I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm saying it because I respect that Martha is your mother; the role is already taken."

"Okay," he said slowly, trying not to take what she said the wrong way…because he had a feeling that she really didn't mean it in a cruel way; just that it was some strange conviction that she held. "But there are people who have close relationships with their in-laws and even address their mother-in-law as 'mom' and treat her as if she was their own mother."

"I know; and I understand that some families find that perfectly acceptable. For me, it's not acceptable to bestow those titles…unless there's a circumstance where a parent is deceased or there's a major estrangement…and even then it doesn't feel all that good of an idea but it would be more acceptable in those cases. Just doing it for the sake of doing it has never felt right to me. I adored my father-in-law; he treated me better than my own father at times but I didn't call him 'Dad'…that role was already taken. My father was 'Dad'…and even though we had very terrible moments; I wouldn't disrespect him by giving his title to someone else. I called my father-in-law Robert; I called my mother-in-law Mrs. Beckett for the first year and a half or so because she demanded it and then I addressed her as Elizabeth, Liz or Lizzie. My father didn't call my grandmother 'mom' or 'mother'…he called her Sophia; my mother called his father Patrick. There was no bestowing of titles that someone else already held. Just like if I walked into your home one day and heard Katie calling Martha 'Mom'…there will be ass kicking; because I didn't throw up nearly every day for three months and suffer through twenty-two hours of labor without an epidural to hear her call someone else 'Mom'. That won't happen as long as I have breath in my body. There would be hell to pay…for both of them if Martha was willingly allowing it and not respecting my title as I respect hers in regard to you, because I wouldn't allow you to call me 'Mom' when you already have a mother."

"You don't like Mother's relationship with Kate, do you?"

"It's not that I don't like the idea of them having a good relationship. I'm glad that they get along. My issue is that Martha sometimes overtakes my role as Katie's mother…and she knows she does it, she has to, but it doesn't stop her. She makes it clear to me that she believes she's a better mother to my daughter than I am and that's not true. I am not a horrible mother; I raised her, I gave her everything I could give…yes, I had to leave her for awhile but in the eyes of the law, she was an adult, and I didn't do it just for kicks, I did it to keep us safe…and yet people want to classify me as a bad mother for something I didn't really have control over. So yeah; it does irk me when Martha's stepping all over my toes…like with the wedding planning. She took my role…and we all know it, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. My problem with Martha is that she doesn't really have any boundaries. She just takes over everything and when someone brings it up, you become her mortal enemy…which is fine, I can take her on anytime it pleases her, but I have a right to feel the way I do. I'm not saying she shouldn't love Katie; of course she should. How could she not? I'm not saying she shouldn't spend time with her…how can she not, she lives with you. I'm just saying that she could take a step back and remember that she's not her mother, I am. I know you think I'm stupid for feeling that way. I know you think everything I think and feel is stupid…but it is what it is, Rick…and I can't change the contents of my heart to suit you. I'm sorry. But I ask you to remember how you felt when Alexis was coming around here…you didn't like it. You felt like I was taking your role, even though I wasn't…all I was doing, was trying to take care of her for you, until she felt comfortable going home…which I was encouraging. You didn't like feeling like someone else was being in a parental role to her, and you don't see anything wrong with that…but you think it's wrong for me to feel the same way."

Castle nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right about that…maybe I am a little bit of a hypocrite in that department. There are times when Mother has no boundaries…but I'm used to that, and I'm sure you're not. I don't mean that in a bad way, for the record; just that your family life has been structured differently. I have no right to tell you that you can't be hurt or bothered by the feeling that Mother sometimes steps on your toes. I can't tell you not to feel like she tries to overtake your role. If you feel that way; I'm sure you have your reasons and you don't have to justify them to me."

"As I told you before, Rick; I don't hold any issue with your mother against you. I know you probably don't believe that, because you rarely believe anything I say…since I'm such a liar, as you often remind me, but it's the truth; I don't hold those things against you. I just wish you'd leave it where it belongs, between Martha and I…because neither one of us needs you to fight our battle for us."

He cringed a little. "I know you're not a compulsive liar, Johanna. If I've made you feel that I view you that way, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"I feel like maybe I have to worry about it," he replied.

"You don't," she assured. "If that's the way you feel about me, then it's your right to feel that way. Just don't expect me to constantly defend myself against the accusation…because as long as I know my truth, and my husband knows it, and my daughter at least gives me the courtesy of telling it to her, then that's all that matters. You don't have to like me, Rick. You might find this whole mother-in-law and son-in-law thing easier if you just take the pressure off yourself and accept that it's okay not to be a fan. I'm not going to be devastated over it…I'll be disappointed of course, but disappointment is easily gotten over. It's not that I don't want my daughter's husband to like me; of course I wanted whoever her spouse was to be to like me…but my life doesn't hinge on it. It's fine, really it is. Some people just don't mesh, and if were those people, it's okay. We can still get along in the same family just fine…and maybe somewhere down the road, you'll feel differently…but if you don't, it'll still be fine."

"I do like you Johanna," Castle stated. "I don't think you like me."

She shook her head. "I've always liked you, Rick. I've always thought you were a good man, a good father, a good son, a good person for Katie. I appreciated that you helped me find my footing with her when I first came home. I appreciated all the help you gave her through that whole ordeal. But little by little, you started to judge me…there were looks and comments and special talks…and for a long time I let them roll off my back because we were all in a stressful situation; but then the situation changed…and it felt like _everything_ changed. I still liked you, I approved of your marriage and you have my blessing. I just don't like the way you treat me…and I was always taught that you treat people the way they treat you…so when you treat me in a way I don't like, I tend to give it back to you."

"Yeah; there's no doubt about that," Castle remarked. "You give it with both barrels."

Her gaze met his. "I don't know how to give anything less than both barrels…because all my life I've had to fight one battle or another; whether it be my father or misogynic men in my profession, people who looked down on me for being a working mother…and then looked down on me for the period of time that I was a stay at home mother when I was between law firms. I had to fight my way back from exile, I had to slay a dragon to save my daughter…I've had to fight to regain every relationship I had that was left behind. Some I succeeded at, some I've failed…but I fought every step, win or lose…and don't you ever forget it."

He studied her silently for a moment, noting that her back was straight, that her eyes had been upon his as she spoke every word. Her chin was jutted up a notch…that trait that Kate often described as McKenzie arrogance…but in that moment he saw it more as McKenzie pride. She didn't need heels and makeup to go into battle; she didn't need her professional wardrobe. Johanna Beckett could fight her battles just fine with a clean face, in faded jeans and a plain shirt…barefoot with her cat napping beside her. She could fight them in a courtroom…in an empty hotel kitchen…in a city café or her own kitchen table. Perhaps he didn't give her enough credit. "I won't forget," he stated quietly.

"I know you think everyone was better off without me," Johanna said softly; "And maybe they were…maybe life was more peaceful without my presence. Katie doesn't really need me, she learned to get along without me…so did Jim…everyone did, as was to be expected. I didn't come home with the purpose of ruining everyone's lives. I came home to save my daughter…because the FBI wasn't keeping her safe; they broke the deal…I owed them nothing once they allowed that bullet to be fired into her body. I couldn't let her lose her life for me. I couldn't take the lies anymore. I couldn't take the loneliness. Life wasn't more peaceful for me…I wasn't better off without them…and if the greatest act of selfishness I ever committed was to come home…then I can live with that; because I wasn't better off…I'm nothing without them. My goal was always to come home…it was never meant to be a permanent absence. It took longer than I ever wanted…but I made it back. I'm sorry my presence has disrupted your life and your sense of peace…but I'm not sorry for coming home and I never will be."

"I should've never said what I said about you staying in Wyoming," Castle replied. "It was wrong and it was cruel and uncalled for. No one would prefer you to still be in hiding…and Kate does need you; she needs you a lot more than you think…I know, because she's told me so; and I don't think Jim ever learned to go along without you…it was more like he was going through the motions. You're supposed to be here, that's why you were saved. I'm sorry I hurt you with that statement."

She gave a nod of acknowledgement. "And I apologize for anything I've ever done that has hurt you…and I hope one day you will forgive me. If you don't that's okay too, I understand, but at least I've offered you my apology…even if you do hate when I say I'm sorry."

"It's not that I hate it; it's that I think you overuse the phrase and it loses its sentiment," Castle replied.

Her brow rose. "I'll respectfully disagree on that; but I will try to curb my apologies in the future so you don't have to feel that way."

"That feels like you're placating me."

Johanna sighed deeply. "Listen, Rick; I feel like I've said all I can say on today's topics; in closing, I'd like to add that I'm willing to put everything in the past and move forward without mentioning it again…and by that, I mean everything on your list. We can just leave it where it is and go on."

"That's a nice offer," Castle said slowly; "But I think there are things we still need to discuss."

"Really?" she asked incredulously. "I offer to forgive and forget, leave it all in the past…and you don't take the offer?"

"I feel like brushing things under the rug is a bad thing…and part of the reason we are in this current situation. I don't think we can pretend that things didn't happen."

"I didn't say pretend, I said 'forgive and forget'."

"I don't think we can forget," he replied; "If we could…we wouldn't have this acrimonious relationship."

Johanna shook her head at him. "You wouldn't have survived long in Tudor England."

"That's probably true," Castle remarked. "I wouldn't be able to go along with their penchant for lying and betrayal."

Johanna bit back the words that flooded toward her tongue; the words asking why 'liar' and 'betrayal' often found its way into any conversation they had…why he also looked at her that certain way when the words spilled from his lips; even after he apologized for saying it or expressing it before. Every response she could think of felt like a loaded gun, one that would set the next battle in play and so she remained silent, feeling like silence must always be an answer when her son-in-law was involved…because she couldn't stand the thought of being the thing to come between him and Katie. She couldn't allow him to come between her and her daughter. The only logical course was a tactical retreat…which she was trying to offer but he seemed adamant on declining.

"What were you going to say?" Castle asked; his gaze upon her, watching as she rejected each response that made her lips part in anticipation of speaking.

She gave a soft shake of her head. "Nothing; I wasn't going to say anything."

"Don't lie…I could see you swallowing the words."

Her jaw tightened, a flicker of anger flashing in her eyes. "I said it was nothing."

"And you're lying."

She smiled but it was warm and motherly…instead it was cold and bitter, and he had a feeling that he took the wrong step again.

"Can you ever go one full conversation without finding some way to call me a liar?" she asked; her tone low and clipped. "Is it some personal mission for you to say that word to me as much as possible…to keep turning that knife, like you have to remind me or I might forget? You apologize for it and turn around and do it again and again, it never stops."

"What are you talking about?" Castle asked.

"Don't play stupid, you know what you do, you know you always call me a liar, sometimes outright and sometimes in clever ways. You think I overuse the words 'I'm sorry', well you overuse 'liar'. I don't need you to remind me of what I am," she said sharply as she smacked her hand against the table. "I know what I am!"

He realized his mistake as he watched a sleepy Scarlett leap onto her owner's lap as if offer to comfort. He had made mention earlier that he had likened her to a Tudor Queen preparing for battle…and then remarked that he wouldn't survive in the Tudor world because he couldn't go along with their lies and betrayal. It had probably felt like a thinly veiled dig…that reminder she spoke of…the one he apparently always gave…even after apologizing and assuring her that he didn't view her as a compulsive liar.

"Is that what you think everyone sees you as?" he asked gently.

She laughed but it lacked humor. "Of course, how can I think otherwise? It's the first thing that always gets thrown at me…but that's my cross to bear for being one for thirteen years. I don't ever get to try and forget…because no one lets me, especially you. So I'll make you a new deal; I'll cut back on apologies, and maybe you can cut back on calling me a liar…and then I won't dread seeing you so much, okay? Does that suit you since my previous offer didn't?"

"That's what it is?" Castle said; "That's the reason you're not comfortable with me?"

"Yes," she replied; "You should already know that; haven't I told you enough times? It's part of that judgment thing I keep mentioning. When I start to get comfortable again, you bring that word out…you like stabbing me with it. Well I'm tired of feeling that knife plunge into me. You think I liked having to lie? I didn't. I hated it…it's not who I was. I wasn't a liar, not about anything important anyway…so what I lied to my husband about what a pair of boots cost at Bloomingdales…I just thought he might have a stroke or beat me with them if he knew they were almost two hundred dollars; all wives tell those lies. And yeah, I lied about a dent in the car…because Katie and I were both at fault for it and neither one of us wanted the lecture and the yelling because we had each already dented that car twice so we pretended not to know how it got there. I didn't lie about important things…until I had to. I didn't like it, I didn't want it, I don't want to keep hearing it and carrying it…I don't want to be known as the Queen Liar."

He studied her for a moment, watching as she softly ran her hand over Scarlett's fur, the cat purring beneath her touch, her small head rubbing against her affectionately. Her gaze lowered to her pet, accepting the love that Scarlett offered. Why did he keep hanging that banner of liar over her head? What did it gain him? So far, it had only gained him a mother-in-law who didn't like to be in his company because she knew a moment would come when he'd slap her face with her past misdeed; the one she had committed out of love, fear, and the need to protect. It wasn't right or fair. If he ever wanted things to be better between them, he had to stop doing it.

"I'm sorry, Johanna," he told her sincerely. "I realize that sometimes I am quick to throw that word at you and it isn't right…nor will it endear me to you. It's going to stop…I mean it. I know I already said it earlier and clearly made you feel like I went back on that apology as soon as you blinked, but I swear, I'm going to stop doing that to you. I'm not going to keep making you feel branded as a liar."

She scoffed softly but said nothing, her gaze still on her cat. "And please don't censor your thoughts or feelings," Castle added. "I'd rather hear something I don't like than have you suffocate yourself in effort to keep from stepping on my toes."

"It seems to be the only course of action I have left," she replied. "If I don't keep my mouth shut, eventually, I'll be a problem between you and Katie and I can't be the problem."

"You're not going to be a problem…I don't want you to take it into your head that you need to keep your distance or stay silent; we want you to be involved in the family. I still don't want to brush things under the rug; that's not going to help anything. I think we still need to discuss those things…but at the end of the day, no matter what is said between us…no one is going to allow it to become a marital issue…or an issue between you and Kate; because even though you don't really come right out and say it, I see it…you worry not only about coming between Kate and I…you worry that you'll anger me enough that I'll try to keep her from you…and I can assure you that day will never come. I would never ask her to stay away from her mother…and she'd never allow me to even think of making that demand; so you don't need to worry."

"Easier said than done."

"Most things are," Castle remarked.

Johanna's gaze met his once more. "So where do we go from here?"

It wasn't the question that Castle had expected and it hung heavy in the air between them. Where did they go from here? He knew where he'd like them to go; he'd like them to find their way back to an amicable mother-in-law/son-in-law relationship. But how were they supposed to get there? What was he supposed to do…what gesture was he supposed to make? Where did they go from here? On the spot with her studious green gaze upon him, he wasn't sure he had an answer…but he better find one before she changed her mind about coming along.

 _A/N: The answer to that question and the rest of their meeting will pick up in the next chapter._


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews._

Chapter 14

" _Where do we go from here?"_ The question continued to cycle through Castle's brain as he searched for an answer; one that would appease them both and put back a semblance of balance that he had started to create before he obliterated it with one wrong move.

"I don't really know," he finally replied. "Maybe we should start over."

"Start over?" Johanna questioned warily as Scarlett leaped down from her lap.

He nodded. "Start over…in terms of what we've been doing the last few weeks. We started to make a little progress and I upset that by doing something I shouldn't have. So I say that we should continue with the usual Tuesday lunches…with some minor tweaks."

"What kind of minor tweaks?"

"Maybe we need balance."

"In what way?"

Castle took a sip of his coffee before continuing. "There are things we still need to discuss…we can't just pretend certain events didn't happen and they're not going to go away no matter how hard we try to ignore them. But…maybe we should pick one list item for discussion…and then a more neutral topic to ease any tension the topic brings…that way it feels like a better balance between the good and the bad."

"Do you think that's possible?" Johanna asked; "Because some topics might sour the idea of a neutral topic before leaving. I'm not against the idea…I'm just not sure it could work."

"Well, we won't know unless we try," he replied, doing his best to keep tartness from his tone; "And I think we should add Thursday."

Johanna's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Why?"

"Because Thursday is reset day…remember, we made that deal."

"Yes; but it seemed like you were combining the reset into Tuesday."

"A reset for any bad feelings…but maybe Tuesday can be for the not so good stuff…and Thursday can be more neutral…you say I don't know you…how am I supposed to know you the way the rest of your family does if I don't spend time with you?"

Johanna sighed deeply and reached for her drink.

"Come on," he said with a grin; "It won't be so bad; Kate learned to like it."

"It's my understanding that the mayor and her Captain didn't give her much choice but to get used to you."

Castle smiled, trying to ease the tension that kept wanting to rise in the air, reminding them of discord they couldn't seem to shake. "I can call the mayor if it'll make you feel better. If I ask him, he'll pretend he's ordering you to do it."

Johanna shook her head. "I don't think I want to bother the mayor; hopefully he has better things to do…like running the city."

"So…does that mean you're game?"

"I suppose…but on a trial basis."

Puzzlement furrowed his brow. "Why on a trial basis?"

His mother-in-law met his eye. "Because you broke my trust."

"I know…but I apologized."

"I'm not talking just about going to my sister," Johanna remarked. "I'm talking about giving her what I wrote."

He breathed deeply. "There was nothing in your pages to be ashamed of; they're your memories."

"I'm not ashamed of them; and I'm aware of what they are…but I didn't give you leave to share it. It's hard for me to think about giving more in the terms of your 'get to know you better' segment you want to schedule now. It makes me wary…because I feel like I can't trust you as much as I did."

He felt his jaw tighten in aggravation. "I didn't publish what you wrote in the Ledger. I gave it to your sister."

"You had no right to give it to anyone…it's my property that I shared with you. Come on, Rick; I don't need to explain intellectual property laws to you, do I?" Johanna asked. "You should be well versed in all forms of that idea legally and morally."

"No, I don't need you to explain it to me…I just don't think it should be turned into something huge. It's not a sign that I'm not a trustworthy person."

"If I had let someone else read the scenes you gave me; wouldn't you have considered that a breach?"

"That's different."

She shook her head. "It's only different in your mind. You think your words should be guarded because you're a professional writer; but mine can be given away because I'm nothing. Well I don't see it that way; those were my words, my memories…it's something that was highly personal to me and you betrayed my trust when you allowed other people to read what I had written and shared with you in confidence."

He bit back a sharp retort; she was right after all, the words were her property and she didn't give him permission to share her work. "I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust; it won't happen again."

"I hope not…because Jim said he told you to delete anything else of mine that I had written and you agreed to that. Have you done that?"

He had saved them to a flashdrive first but he had deleted them. "Yes; I deleted them…I hated to do it though."

Johanna took another sip of her tea. "Well, I personally feel better knowing that they're no longer on your computer."

Castle felt a small measure of guilt about the fact that he had saved her work on a flashdrive but he had no intentions of allowing anyone access to it and she didn't need to know about it. "I'm glad you feel better about it."

"I know you think it's stupid," Johanna remarked. "You think most things I do, say or feel are stupid…but I can't help it. I don't live my life in the tabloids; I like my personal business kept within family confines or kept in confidence with the friends I choose."

"You have a right to feel how you want," he told her. "We're different kinds of people…I'm an open person; I don't care if people know things about me. I'm not overly bothered by what people say about me…I'm just bothered by what they say about my books at times."

"Because your books, although public, are highly personal to you," Johanna remarked. "Just like my rambling memories are personal to me…you don't want your books ridiculed. I don't want my sentimentally used against me."

The sentiment finally hit home for him and he met her gaze and gave a nod. "I understand…I'm sorry I put you in the position of having to worry about that. Any other grievances?"

Johanna shook her head. "No; I told you, I concede my half of the battle."

"That's not the deal."

"I said I'd go to lunch; I didn't say I'd argue with you."

"I don't want us to argue…but I said we weren't going to ignore issues, remember?"

"How can I forget, you keep telling me," she remarked. "How about you tell me why this has been a big deal the last few weeks? Let's be honest, Rick; you haven't had any interest in anything changing until recently. There has to be a reason."

"I'm sticking with family unity and harmony."

"Uh huh."

"You don't believe I want that?" Castle asked.

"Obviously you want it…I just don't know why it's suddenly become important for you to want it."

"Maybe I just like you."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure."

"You don't believe that either?"

"No," she said honestly; "And I'm not sure you'll ever convince me that you like me. Too much water under the bridge, Rick; but like I told you before, it's fine if you don't. I don't mind. It isn't like you'd be the first person not to like me; I assure you I can handle it. I'm a big girl."

"You say that a lot."

"Say what?"

"That you're a big girl…you always make that comment when you're putting on the tough girl façade," Castle remarked.

"I am a tough girl."

The comment reminded him of the lunch he had with Jim; his father-in-law had recounted a story about Johanna's tough girl act during her early days at her first law firm. "Sometimes you are," he replied; "By why does that "I'm a big girl" comment come up at times?"

"Habit," Johanna replied.

"Why?"

She sighed. "Daddy issues; move on."

His brow rose. "How does that relate to Daddy issues?"

Johanna met his gaze. "Quit sucking your thumb, you're a big girl. Quit crying, you're a big girl. Quit acting like a big baby; you're a big girl. You don't need anyone holding your hand, you're a big girl; act like a little lady. So what you skinned your knee, you're fine, you're a big girl, you don't need to bawl about it. So what the teacher was mean to you, you're a big girl, do as you're told, you won't have those problems. I'm taking your mother out tonight, take care of your sister, fix your brother something to eat when he gets home, keep the door locked; you'll be fine, you're a big girl."

"I see," he remarked. It was hard to fathom being the type of father that said such things. He would've never told Alexis not to cry. He fussed over his daughter's skinned knees even when Alexis wasn't bothered by them. He wouldn't have allowed an issue with a teacher to go unnoticed. He would've never denied his child a hand to hold.

"It's alright," Johanna said as he seemed lost in thought. "Some fathers are just like that…and it was a different world then."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that when parents weren't home, the eldest daughter was expected to keep the house in order, take care of the younger sibling, make sure the older one was fed when he came in from wherever he was. Its just how it was back then…nowadays you can't leave a ten year old home by themselves…or at least you're not supposed to; the law says thirteen; but back in the 60s, we were left home alone without qualms once I was old enough to take care of Colleen on my own; they deemed that at age ten."

"But you're not the oldest, your brother is."

"Yes; but I was the eldest daughter. The daughter takes care of the other children…my brother was encouraged to stay out playing ball and doing boy things until dark; he wasn't expected to come home to babysit us; it was my job to babysit Colleen."

"How old was your brother when you were ten?"

"Thirteen; Colleen was eight."

"He should've been in charge; he was the oldest."

She smiled a little. "Frankie wouldn't have taken care of us; he would've locked us in the closet and tore the house apart. He was going through his pig sty stage at thirteen, much to my mother's chagrin. But it wasn't something specific just to our house; a lot of people would leave the oldest girl in charge of the house and the younger children even if there was an older boy."

"I guess I can't say too much about it…Mother left me home alone at times; but…"

"But you were a boy so you feel it's different. Boys can be alone; girls need a bodyguard."

"It makes me seem sexist, but yes…although I hate to admit it."

"It's alright, Rick; that's just how men are engineered."

"How old was Kate when you started letting her stay home alone?" he asked.

"Thirteen; and then it was only for an hour or two at first so she could get used to it…and only a few days a week. I asked her to continue to go to Elizabeth's after school for at least two days a week to keep her grandmother company…she bought that excuse and didn't fight it."

Castle took another drink of his coffee. "Weren't you nervous being home alone with an eight year old?"

"Sometimes…but I knew Frankie would be home as soon as the street lights came on and I always felt safe with my brother; but honestly, no one ever bothered us; my grandfather lived down the street and we had an extremely nosy neighbor across the street so I'm sure she was keeping an eye on the house while my parents were out."

He nodded; it was a different time when she was growing up…and like he had already mentioned, his mother had left him home alone plenty of times, but he had grown up in apartments….he hadn't grown up in a house like Johanna did…like Kate did. Maybe Johanna was right, maybe they were from different worlds so to speak. He grew quiet, concentrating on the rest of his sandwich, wondering what he could possibly say next as he feared hitting the wrong nerve and starting another minor feud. His mother-in-law was silent as well and it allowed that veil of awkward tension fill the air between them once again. He wished they were at the café…silence didn't feel so damning in public; but here on her turf, it felt like something he couldn't explain and if there was one thing he hated, it was to feel like he didn't have a description for the moment at hand.

* * *

Johanna used the sudden silence to subtly study her son-in-law as he ate and kept his gaze focused away from her. She had thrown him off his game with her command that lunch be held in her kitchen. She didn't regret that decision; perhaps now he knew how it felt to squirm…how it felt to be put off balance with a demand that you didn't feel you could argue against. It sounded cruel…and in all honesty she hadn't done it to be cruel. She had done it for her own comfort, for the satisfaction of being in her own territory. His unbalance was just a bonus, a comeuppance of sorts that she felt he was in need of and the moment had been delivered without thought or intention. After all, if his mission was so important, then it wouldn't hurt him to come to her once in awhile.

She was, however, serious about being over this constant battle with him. She was tired of it and willing to give in for Katie's sake. She couldn't and wouldn't become an issue between them. Katie loved him, he made her happy and took care of her; she had no issue with their marriage and didn't want to cause any problems with it. Becoming an issue between her daughter and son-in-law would result in an issue between her and her daughter…and eventually Katie would have to choose between them. She would lose in that draw; Johanna knew that for a fact; after all it couldn't be any other way if it got to that point. The odds definitely weren't in her favor and as a seasoned lawyer; she knew all too well that when your case was destined to lose, the only option to save face was to start looking for a settlement that was agreeable to both parties.

The only problem was, Rick didn't want her concession…her willingness to forgo all of it and settle into the manner they all wanted; the mother-in-law who smiled despite certain comments, judgments and looks; one who acted the way they thought she should, who showed up for a few dinners a year with enthusiasm and told her friends perfectly pleasant anecdotes about her charming, successful son-in-law. She could easily do those things; it was a settlement she could live with if it meant the rest of the family was happy. After all, she had been given the illustrious title of being the one who brought unhappiness to the family, so she figured it was only right that she was the one to settle…and she could. But he didn't want her to. He couldn't seem to make up his mind about what he wanted.

Johanna suppressed a small sigh; that was the problem with negotiating settlements; sometimes one party wanted nothing to do with the idea; insisting on a long drawn out trial as if it was a matter of honor to win the hard way despite the win already being certain no matter the route taken. Personally, she'd had enough long battles to last her a lifetime; which was why she had chosen her distance method in regard to her daughter's new family that she had acquired through marriage. She thought distance would keep the discord at bay and yet here she was, being sentenced to weekly lunch dates that were in essence, a rehabilitation program that she called 'Build A Better Mother-In-Law'. She frowned as she picked up her drink to take a sip; she had gotten plenty of advice and warning about being a wife. She had gotten advice and warnings about motherhood. No one, however, had seen fit to warn her about the perils of being a mother-in-law. It figured, she mused…just like it figured that she'd have to navigate this stage of her life without the help of the two seasoned women who could've advised her. She missed her mother; missed her every day and longed for her comfort and love…and lately, she missed her mother-in-law too; their little spats and their comfortable conversation when the mood suited them; not to mention the peace of mind that they took each other for who they were without question or apology. Yes, she missed them both in moments like these and she wished they'd conjure up some sign to send her to tell her what to do.

* * *

As Castle searched for the next topic of conversation in effort to keep Johanna from subtly suggesting that he should leave now that his plate was empty, he glanced at the paperback book lying to the side of the table with her glasses. The purplish cover was tattered and worn, the pages holding the permanent crease of turned down corners; a book well loved and clearly re-read often. He recognized the title as the book she had told him about that time he had accompanied her to the market the day she bought her car. It was still difficult to think of her reading regency romance novels, although obviously she did…and why he found it an oddity, he didn't know. "Your book looks like its seen better days," he commented.

Johanna nodded. "It has…it's been around, from Wyoming to New York, to Hawaii, back to New York to London and back again. It's been shoved in purses and suitcases and its slot on the bookshelf. I've lost count of how many times I've read it."

"What is it about this book that makes you re-read it so much?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I just love it…it's a good book; I think every woman can relate to Penelope in one way or another; she feels overlooked, on the sidelines, unimportant. She learns that she's more than she thought she was. Colin feels at odds, he's looking for something to be his own like his older brothers have. Penelope has been in love with him since she was a teenager but while he was always kind to her, she was just his sister's friend…and then it changes and he sees her differently. There's also that plot I told you about before, they each write secretly...and one of them is endanger of having their secret exposed and it could cause a scandal. It's a romance; but there's also humor, suspense, drama, family interactions…it's everything I could want in a book. Penelope and Colin and the rest of the Bridgerton clan are like old friends; I love the whole series but this one in my favorite."

"I can tell," he said, his finger brushing against a tattered corner of the cover.

"Some books have the distinction of bringing comfort," Johanna remarked. "That book has always comforted me as much as a piece of cake does."

Castle smiled at the analogy and realized that Jim as right; if he had wanted to extend a gesture to Johanna, he should've just bought her a book. Maybe it wasn't too late though, maybe he could get her a new copy of her old favorite…better yet, perhaps an autographed copy. Surely someone he knew in the publishing world could help him get in contact with the author of the novel his mother-in-law so loved.

"You said you'd read one of her books sometime," Johanna remarked; drawing him out of his thoughts.

"I know…and I will."

She gave him an amused smirk. "I doubt it; you'd be worried about how it would look for you to read a romance novel."

"It might cross my mind," he admitted. "I'm sure Jim hasn't read romance novels."

"Not on his own accord; but when I have a migraine and want to read but can't, he reads me whatever book I'm reading at the time. He's read me several chapters from this book," she said, her fingertips tapping against her paperback.

"He reads to you?"

"Yes, when I don't feel well…he's done that for a long time; I think the first time was back when we were engaged; I had a terrible migraine that he had to take me to the hospital for and I was in bed for a day or two afterwards. It was one of my worst ones and I needed distraction…but the light of the TV was too much and I couldn't stand to read to myself so Jim quietly read to me…he's done it ever since. It doesn't bother him if it's a romance novel; all he cares about is that it makes me feel better."

He didn't doubt for a minute that his father-in-law would do anything in his power to make her feel better when she was ill.

"How is your writing going?" Johanna asked; wanting to show that she could still show interest in the things that were important to him despite the things between them.

"It's going well…juggling three stories at one time isn't always easy but I have to admit, I kind of like it."

"How come?"

"Because when I'm stuck on one; there's something else to work on that distracts me from the place I'm stuck at with the other. I try to balance it a bit; devote a day to each one…but sometimes I end up working on one all week and then going to another; and sometimes I work on two in one day. It just depends on what plotlines are brewing the most," he remarked.

"I can understand that," she replied; "And it probably keeps you on your toes a little more."

"In some cases," he said with a small grin. "I have more meetings about the new book next week."

"Oh? What about, if I may ask?"

"Honestly, the meetings are little unexpected in some ways," Castle remarked. "My last set of meetings had been to renew the other series and to give the green light for the new book; at least in e-book format because they liked the sample I submitted. I didn't expect to hear more about it so soon; I have a deadline for it and it's not until after the New Year."

"Do you think they've changed their minds?"

"No; there's mention of starting the cover art process…I have a feeling maybe they've decided to give it the full release treatment the rest of my books have."

She smiled. "Well that will be a good thing won't it?"

He returned her smile; wondering if she'd still feel that way when she found out what it was and when she was invited to the release party. "Yeah; it's a great thing…I'm just hoping they're not going to move up the deadline."

"Are they allowed to do that?" Johanna asked.

"They can move it if they have a good enough reason to do so…hopefully they don't. I'm not behind on the book but I do want to make sure it comes out just right."

"Of course," she said with a nod.

Usually conversations with her about his books felt easy and comforting, but today all he felt was awkwardness. It was awkward being there in her home after the mistake he had made that had caused her to leave their last lunch. It was awkward that she seemed to be pushing everything aside and acting as though nothing had really happened by taking up her usual questions about his work.

"I admit that I'm intrigued about the 70s angle of this book that you've been mentioning," Johanna remarked, drawing him from his thoughts. "Will it be a flashback sort of thing?"

"Well…no…I guess there's no harm in telling you that it's set in the 70s," he answered.

Her brow rose. 'That's a bit unexpected from you."

"I know…but I like the challenge of it," Castle stated; "It also helps that I know people who have the knowledge of the decade that I only know from a child's perspective."

"I miss that decade," she stated.

"You're good at talking about it…you give good information on the topic."

"I'm glad I could help…I guess I'm good for something at least."

He frowned slightly. "You're good for a lot of things…but I do like consulting with you about the 70s stuff so I get an authentic flare with the book."

"I'm sure it'll be fine…I'm looking forward to reading it."

Once again he wondered if she'd still feel that way once she found out it was Erica Bradley's book…because the whole world knew that Erica Bradley, who had been introduced as Nikki Heat's aunt and quickly became a reader favorite character, was in fact based on Johanna Beckett.

"Is something wrong, Rick?" Johanna asked.

"No; why?"

"You're just quieter than usual…it's a bit unnerving. Is Katie alright? Is she still sick?"

He shook his head. "Kate's fine, I swear that to you. I guess I'm just…trying to be careful. I don't want to cause anymore setbacks between us."

"I'm not going to lord my sister over you, Rick…you don't need to worry."

"I appreciate that, but…it's just kind of…off between us today."

She smirked a little. "To hear you tell it, it's never not off between us."

"We were doing some better lately," Castle replied.

"Yes, I know."

"I feel like that progress is gone now."

"It's not gone…just a little banged up."

"Yeah, but you made your concession speech and that just doesn't sit right with me."

Johanna sighed. "It wasn't a full concession, Rick; believe me if you did something major that I couldn't overlook, I'd still let you know about it."

"I don't want any concession."

"Fine, I don't concede; feel better?" she asked.

"Not really."

"I don't know what you want me to do," Johanna replied; "I didn't cause this latest issue but I told you I could put it in the past. I don't know what more I can do for you in that regard."

"I guess it's just something that will have to work itself out," Castle remarked.

His mother-in-law met his eye. "I am trying."

He nodded. "I know you are; and I appreciate it…because I know that recently I've given you plenty of reason to step away from this but you've agreed to keep going. I'm not sure you agreed for the reasons I had hoped, but you agreed and that's what matters."

"Why do you think I agreed?"

"Because of Kate," he answered.

"I won't insult you by denying that," Johanna replied; "But if it was something I was strongly against, I wouldn't do it even for Katie."

"Why can't you just do it for me?" Castle asked. "Why is just for Kate?"

"Because I don't know what your true motivation is, Rick; but I know that whatever it is, it has to do with Katie. I'm not trying to be harsh, but why would I do it for any reason but my daughter? You're a part of her now, so anything I do for you, I'm doing for her too. She's my baby, I'll always do for her in any way I can. I don't know what's going on, but if meeting you for lunch once a week means you'll be happy and Katie will be happy, then I'll be there; because her happiness matters most as I told you earlier. You make it seem like a bad thing that I do it for her…it's not…and I think we both know that you're doing this for her too…aren't you?"

"I'm doing it for the family."

"You're doing it for your wife."

He sighed. "Alright, I'm partly doing it for Kate and the rest is for me and the good of the family."

"You know, I never said I didn't like you. I never said I don't enjoy your company. I just don't always like the things you do…I don't always like the way you act toward me. Basically the same complaints you have against me."

"Fair enough," he said with a nod.

"Its nothing that time can't help as long as you get that judgment thing under control."

"It suddenly feels like you're trying to get out of the lunches."

She blew out an exasperated breath. "I'm not! I was just trying to make you feel better!"

"It didn't work…but maybe that's because you can't be motherly toward me," he remarked.

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Really?"

"Well, that's what you said."

"You have a mother who loves and adores you, Rick; it's plain to see every time she looks at you. You are her pride and joy just like Katie is mine. I can't be your second mother. I wouldn't do that to Martha. I will, however, be your mother-in-law for better or for worse."

"Let's hope the better is coming because we've had plenty of the worse," Castle remarked.

"The worse hasn't been a solo effort, you know?"

He nodded. "Yeah; I know…I've helped."

"You've helped a lot."

"You're not making me feel better, Johanna."

She sighed softly. "Let's just go back to books. We handle book conversations better."

He smiled a little; apparently she felt like books were the best safety net conversation too. "Do you have any law books or criminal justice books from the 70s? The textbook from your class was great and I know a lot of things have been in use for a very long time; but I'd like to see something from the era itself."

"Law books don't really change, Rick; new laws and cases get added but the old stuff doesn't change."

"So it's a no?"

Johanna thought for a moment. "I have a couple of my books from my last year of law school. I don't know why I've kept them all these years but I did. They're packed away in the attic but I'm sure I can get them out before I see you again…but make sure you don't lose them, I just can't part with them so I'm chalking it up to the sentimental value of relief that I made it through back then."

"I promise to treat them with the utmost care," he promised; "And I do appreciate your help, honestly."

"I know," she replied; trying to ignore the awkwardness that was staying in the air between them.

Castle drummed his fingers on the table for a moment. Maybe it was time to flee, after all, he hadn't gotten her agreement to continue meeting for lunch and he now had an idea for a gesture that wouldn't cause trouble. He should probably quit while he was ahead. He glanced at his watch and then pushed his chair back. "I should get going, I'm going to do some writing this afternoon while everyone is out of the loft…unless Kate calls with a case, then I'm going to the precinct."

Johanna nodded and rose from her chair. "Good luck with your writing. I always hope Katie doesn't catch a case just because I don't want her out on the streets being in danger."

He gave her an understanding smile. "Don't worry; she's good at what she does."

"Oh I know that…I just won't ever be able to not worry about what she does."

"I know…she's your baby."

"She is," she said softly. "I do feel better when you're with her though, if it's any comfort to you to know that."

"It is."

"It makes me hope that you won't stop following her until she moves up to some safer rank," Johanna allowed herself to admit.

"No need to worry; I have no plans to stop shadowing her…she's my muse, remember?"

"I remember…I just feel like she's safer when she isn't alone."

"I know; and listen, when I'm not there, she takes Ryan or Esposito with her if it's something to do with a suspect. Gates has rules about checking in and having backup; it's all under control."

Johanna managed a small smile. "Good to know…but I'll still worry."

"I know you will," he said while pulling on his coat. "See you Tuesday?"

"I'll be there," she answered; although she still wasn't anxious about the idea but it felt like it was too late to quit now.

"The usual café?"

"Sure…but it didn't kill you to come here, did it?"

Castle smiled. "No; I wasn't poisoned or hit with an iron."

She smirked at him. "And you thought I wasn't reforming as a mother-in-law."

"That feels like a dangerous statement to comment on so I'm going to let that go without a comment of my own."

"Oh good, you're reforming as a son-in-law too…and you thought there wasn't any progress today," she quipped.

He knew she was trying to put him at ease, but today it just wasn't working. Today he couldn't shake free of the awkwardness or the regret that was dogging him. "Hopefully we'll get back to progress on Tuesday."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Johanna replied. "Be careful getting home."

"I will be," he told her. "Lock up."

"I always do."

Castle said goodbye and stepped through the backdoor, a sense of relief filling him now that he was out of his mother-in-law's kitchen. He paused on the porch long enough to hear the locks snap into place, assuring himself of her safety for Kate's sake and then he made his way to his car. It hadn't been a disaster…but he wasn't sure it had been all that great either. Everything felt in limbo and he had to find a way to balance it quickly before Kate told her about the baby.

* * *

"So, you're still going along with it?" Jim asked that evening as the show he was watching went to commercial.

Johanna tore her gaze from the page she was reading to glance at him. "Going along with what?"

He picked up the remote from the arm of the recliner and turned the TV down low. "The lunch campaign."

"For now."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Because I don't really have a good reason not to…and because I still don't know what it's all about."

"I think you have plenty reasons not to," he replied.

"Maybe," she admitted; "But you know it would become a big deal if I listed those things as my reason for stopping. It would be something else to be used against me."

Jim's gaze met hers. "I just hate when you make yourself do things that you're not entirely comfortable with because you feel like you have to in order to please others."

"I know," she murmured, her eyes lowering to her book; "But sometimes I don't feel like I have a choice. I feel like I have to do it…I have to do it for Katie. I know something is going on and I don't know what it is…but I just can't shake the feeling that maybe she needs me and feels like I can't really be there for whatever it is unless I go along with this thing of Rick's. Believe me, I don't want to and I don't like it…but I like distance from my daughter even less. I feel like she's finally come back to me and I don't want to jeopardize it. I don't want to lose her again."

He nodded. "I know…but doesn't there have to be a line somewhere?"

"Yeah…but you know me, I never seem to find that line until I stumble across it and fall flat on my face," Johanna remarked.

Her husband gave her a small smile. "I just worry about you getting hurt more than you have been already."

She returned his smile. "Honestly, honey; I don't know if there's anything left in the hurt department that they can do."

"Usually when you think there's nothing left, that's when someone thinks up something new."

"I guess we're going to have to hope that isn't the case," Johanna replied.

"But what if it is?" he asked; hating to think about her taking another blow. She had made so much progress in two years; he didn't want anything to send her spiraling back into the clouds of depression and anguish.

"It won't be."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I won't let it be that way," she remarked. "Why are you so worried about it?"

He shrugged. "Because I love you."

"I know that," she answered as she rose from the sofa and crossed the room, settling down on his lap when she reached him. "I think it's something more."

"I just don't know what this is all about anymore than you do," Jim stated.

"And?"

"And I don't know if it's going to hurt you in the end…and if it does, how do I protect you from it when I can't see it coming?"

She gave him a small smile, her fingers reaching for him. "Maybe it's one of those times when you have to let me fight it on my own if it comes to it."

"I don't want you to have to fight anymore battles," he murmured. "I feel like you've had to do enough fighting to last a long time."

"I know…but we don't know for certain that there is a battle coming for either one of us to fight, now do we?"

"No…but I can't help being worried. I feel like for the most part, things have finally settled and Katie's been giving more effort to keep up her end of the relationship with you and I don't want that disturbed. I want you to be happy and you're happiest when Katie is willing to be around. I don't want you to be hurt again."

"We don't know that it'll come down to that."

"I know; but I can't help always wanting to be able to keep you from hurting…to keep you safe; and I don't mean that in a physical sense in this regard…I guess it's an emotional one in this case."

"I get that…and I know the feeling. I always want to protect you from things I think might hurt you too; but I guess sometimes we can't no matter how much we want to or how hard we try," Johanna said softly.

Jim blew out a breath. "I just don't know why they always have to do things this way; distract you with one idea so they can slide in the real one and hope the distraction warmed you up enough that you don't mind."

"Well…in Katie's case; that's probably my fault. She has seen me prepare plenty of steak dinners."

He smiled. "That's a marriage tactic, not an everyone in the universe tactic."

"But a tactic none the less," she replied.

"Do you feel like something is wrong…and it's what they're not telling us? Or that someone is going to do something unexpected and they're trying to prepare us for whatever it is so the 'family unity' card goes better in the public eye this time?" he asked.

"I don't really feel like anything is wrong in the sense you mean," his wife answered. "As for one of them being up to something…well, it's more like whatever it is, they'd be preparing me for it since I'm getting all these lunch appointments…which makes me feel like it might be something I won't necessarily like. On the other hand, going back to Katie; I do feel like she needs me…she said some things when she was here that one night."

"Like what?"

"It just kind of felt like subtle hints that she's trying to start a family…and I think maybe she's worried about it. Maybe she's worried it's taking too long or that she's waited too long or she's just worried about everything possible in that regard. She hasn't confessed anything to the point, just little hints I picked up on. Maybe she needs me…maybe she needs extra moral support in that area and they think I won't give it if things are off between Rick and I; but that's ridiculous, I'd never not be there for her no matter what her husband has said or done."

"But you know how they are," Jim replied.

"Right," she agreed; "And I could completely wrong; it's all speculation of course, no hard evidence to prove the theory…just a maternal instinct."

Her husband smiled and patted her hip. "Well you've always been good with those instincts. Maybe it is something along those lines…and I have no doubt that when the time comes and she decides to start a family, she's going to need you and want you there as much as possible."

"You sound sure of that," she replied, her fingers rubbing against his.

"I am…you always wanted your mother's opinion on things when you were pregnant. When you were in labor, and repeatedly telling me it wasn't time to go to the hospital yet, you wanted Naomi here. You had me call her…and she was here in what seemed like ten minutes."

She gave a soft laugh and relaxed against him. "I'm pretty sure she did some speeding…but she helped keep me calm…and she assigned you little projects so I wouldn't have to hit you."

He chuckled. "I remember it was pretty cold out there checking the oil in her car."

"It was for your own good," Johanna replied lightly. "It was better than you following me around, looking at me like I was a ticking time bomb and driving me a little bit crazy in the midst of contractions which were too far apart to go to the hospital."

"That's true…honestly I was driving myself a little crazy."

She brushed a kiss against his jaw. "It was all worth it though…we got our baby."

"We did," he agreed; "Just like I promised."

"Just like you promised," she murmured.

His arm wrapped around her tightly. "Whatever all this ends up being with Katie and Rick…we'll get through it."

"I know," Johanna replied. "As long as I have you, I can get through anything…I've proved that, haven't I?"

He nodded. "Yeah; you've proved a lot of things the last few years, sweetheart. You've proved that you always come back to me…you've proved your strength, you've proved that you can handle what life delivers."

"Then you know that whatever this is all about, I can handle it…whether it be bad or good. I'll be okay; because I've got you and I know you love me and I love you…and everything else eventually sorts itself out."

Jim smiled, his hand moving against her side. "Alright, Sassy; you've got it under control…but if you need me to step in, I'll be ready."

"I know, honey," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I know you've always got my back, no matter what."

"That's a promise I'll always keep," Jim remarked, his lips skimming against her cheek as he held her tightly. He'd just hope that whatever his daughter and son-in-law had in store would be something good this time around.

* * *

"Well," Kate said that night once she and her husband were alone in their bedroom; "I didn't get any phone calls about your lunch date…but then again, I didn't get a call the last time and it was a disaster…so I really can't make any assumptions based on a lack of phone call or text."

"It didn't go badly," Castle remarked. "It wasn't what one would call warm and inviting but it wasn't bad."

"Did you really expect warm and inviting?" she asked.

"No, not really," he admitted; "But I would've preferred the café…it felt awkward being there. I couldn't get comfortable…I don't know if it was from being in her house or because she didn't look prepared for battle and usually she does."

"Meaning?"

"She wasn't wearing makeup or shoes."

"She usually doesn't when she's not leaving the house," Kate replied. "Mom likes wearing makeup and she loves her shoes…but putting on her makeup is only a priority when she's going to work or going out to do something. I've known her not to wear makeup to go to the market; so I assure you that it wasn't an intimidation tactic."

He smirked at her. "It's hard to be intimidated by a woman who loses three and a half inches of height every time she takes her shoes off."

"Castle; if she wants to intimidate someone, I can assure you that she can do it barefoot…and you know it; because she does intimidate you sometimes."

"Maybe once in awhile," he relented.

Kate gave him a teasing smile. "Was she mean to you?"

"No," he replied as he leaned back against his pillows. "She told me that she concedes the battle."

Surprise flicked across her face. "Which battle?"

"With me…she said she concedes; that she's not important and I'm not important, but you are…and you matter the most. She seems to have taken it into her head that she's going to end up becoming an issue between us and she can't stand that thought."

"And what did you tell her?"

"I told her she wasn't an issue nor would she be…and that I wouldn't be an issue between you and her."

"I'm glad you were being smarter today," Kate remarked, her fingers curling around his.

"Believe me, I was carefully choosing the words. I told her there was no need to concede."

"And is she still conceding?"

"I guess only time will tell. She did give me a very nice lecture about how I don't 'pick her box' and that I don't get to tell her what kind of woman, mother or future grandmother to be."

"All true," Kate replied. "That's part of the problem between you; you judge her and it leads to you making comments about what kind of person she needs to be…and she doesn't need your help with that. She doesn't need any of us to do it…it's part of why things got so bad between her and I. I kept trying to tell her how to act, how to behave, what to do…she resented it and it was hurtful for her."

"I know," Castle said; "But she needed to be told. She thought she could make the media attention go away by shunning the public. She was hiding…she wasn't being what she needed to be to get the attention to ease, especially for you. You had no choice but to keep after her to do certain things."

"That was our opinion at the time," she remarked; "But looking back, I could've found better ways to do things concerning her…and I regret that I didn't. I think I was punishing her for whatever anger I still had left and I could've permanently obliterated our relationship. I was sure it was over when she temporarily boycotted the wedding…but she came…she always lets me come back, no matter what I do."

"Of course; you're her daughter. She'll never turn you away."

'I wouldn't have blamed her if she had," she said softly.

Castle met her eye. "That's never going to happen."

She gave him a small smile of gratitude that he believed that and then brought them back to the topic. "She got fed up with everyone that first winter…she surprised us all."

"Yeah; she did do that," he remarked.

"She blazed…Grandma always said she could blaze for days on end and she proved her mother right."

"I'd say she's done that a few times; but…"

"But nothing; no one can tell her who to be but her, she's her own person, she always has been. When the time is right, she does what she needs to do but she has to do things in her own way, Castle; and it might not be a way you like and sometimes it's not necessarily a way I like; but she's her own boss, not anyone else."

"I know."

"The more someone tries to make her change, the more stubborn she is about staying the way she is."

"You could've mentioned that sooner," her husband quipped.

Kate smiled. "Took me awhile to remember it myself…after all, I don't like being told what to do anymore than she does and yet I was doing that to her for a good while. I was telling her what to do and you judge her…and things became unbalanced. I feel like I've regained the balance…you were starting to, she was starting to relax around you a little more again and then you made your epic mistake."

'Wow, really? That's what we're calling it?"

Her brow rose. "Do you have a better name for it?"

"Mistake would've sufficed."

His wife shook her head. "Trust me, it was epic."

"Given that your mood swings are unpredictable now, I'll take a page from your mother's playbook and concede that battle."

"Bringing up my mood swings wasn't the best remark you could've made, Castle."

"Yeah," he said with a nod, "I figured that when your eyes started shooting daggers."

"It's your fault I have mood swings."

"Yes…but you didn't mind at the time…in fact you thoroughly enjoyed it."

"That doesn't mean I can't still blame you because I'm sure you started it."

He grinned. "Probably."

"Anyway," Kate replied; "Is your lunch campaign over?"

'No; she's agreed to continue; although she says it's against her better judgment. I also added Thursdays."

"Thursdays too?"

"Yeah; I'm trying to speed this process along."

"How did Mom take this Thursday edition being an every week thing?"

"She reluctant, that's why she said it's on a trial basis."

"Don't blow it, Castle."

"I won't, I promise…I'll get it right this time."

Kate met his eye. "I'm still telling her about the baby next week."

He nodded. "You can call and tell her right now if you want."

"No! I want to do it in person; I want to see her face when I tell her."

"Have you thought up a new plan?"

"No; I think I can stick to the original plan."

"Are you going to tell her before I have lunch with her again?" Castle asked.

"No. When are you going to tell her about the Erica Bradley book series?"

"I'll tell her after you tell her about the baby."

"Why?" Kate asked, a teasing grin tugging at her lips.

"Because then she'll be in a baby haze and it might escape her notice that I mention Erica having her own books."

She laughed. "Do you really think she's going to be that blinded by her promotion to grandmother?"

"I can hope," he replied.

"I don't think she'll be as against the idea as you think, Castle. Just tell her I've read the chapters you submitted with the proposal and that should…ease her mind."

He glanced at her. "That doesn't ease _my_ mind…make sure you sink her deep into that grandma euphoria."

She leaned close and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'll do my best…don't make her mad at you again next week; I really want her to be completely happy about our news and not upset about something from one of these lunches, okay? I know, I sound terrible saying that but please…just keep it simple and calm…for all of us," she said, taking his hand and laying it against her stomach.

He smiled; for now her stomach was still flat beneath his palm but he was anticipating the day when there would be a bump that would announce their baby to the world. "I promise, next week will go well…for you, for baby Castle, for grandma to be…and if all of you are happy, then I'm assured to be happy and not locked out of my bedroom."

Kate smiled. "Some lessons you have to learn the hard way."

"Yeah; I learned we need a more comfortable couch."

"You're supposed to learn not to do things that land you on it."

"That too," he remarked.

She was quiet for a moment before meeting his gaze once more. "It might be easier for you if she knows about the baby."

"I know…but I was hoping things would be better on my own merit, not just because she'll be grateful that she's getting a grandchild."

"It can still be the way you want it to be; I'm just saying that knowing about the baby might make her more open to moving the process along faster, like you want. It might make her more open, like you want. I might endear you to her a little more, like you want."

"That's a lot of mights with no guarantees."

Kate sighed and turned away, shifting to make herself comfortable. "Give her some credit, would you? She's not the evil queen."

"Please, don't say queen…somehow queens factored into the conversation today and it ended up biting me in the ass a little."

"I thought you said it didn't go badly."

"It didn't…it just had moments; but she agreed to more lunches anyway…so we're counting it as a win."

"Fine," she said, fatigue beginning to gnaw at her; "I'll call her tomorrow and get her side and see just how much you won."

Castle leaned over and kissed her. "Good idea; let me know how I fared on her scale of winning…I usually give myself a few compensation points."

"I'm not even going to ask what compensation points are because I'm too tired to really care."

"I'll explain it tomorrow."

"I'm counting the minutes," she said with a touch of sarcasm. "I hope this tiredness ends soon…I hate feeling tired so much."

"It's a common symptom in the first trimester," Castle replied.

"I know..."

"But?" he asked.

Kate shrugged and said nothing.

"The doctor even said so, you told me that yourself," he stated.

"I know…"

"And yet I'm still sensing a 'but'…do you feel like something is wrong? Do you want to go to the doctor, I know your appointment is next week but I'll take you sooner."

"No; I don't feel like anything is wrong," she murmured; "I just…"

"You just what?"

She sighed once again. "I want a woman's opinion…one who has gone through it."

Castle was quiet for a moment. "You want your mother's opinion."

"Yeah," she admitted softly.

Remorse filled him that he had asked her to keep their news a secret. "I'm sorry, Kate; I shouldn't have asked you to keep it just between us for now. It was selfish."

"I didn't have to agree to it."

"No…but you did, for me…and it wasn't fair to you. Asking you not to tell temporarily took away a piece of your support system that you need right now."

She shifted a little to see him better, her hand finding his once more. "I just…I do want her opinions on it like I said before but at the same time, I'm afraid you'll think I'm taking something away from you; and that's not my intent. You've been supportive in every way…but I get nervous about all of this, and I'm not saying you're not soothing; but…"

"But you need your mother because she has first hand experience."

"I do," she whispered.

"I know, and I understand that need. I don't feel like you're taking anything from me by needing her too, so please don't worry about that. I'm not lying to you when I say I get it, I really do; and no matter what, I think it's good that you're telling her sooner than we planned on because I want you to feel better and I know you will when you can just ask her all the things you want her opinion on."

"I should make a list."

He smiled and brushed her hair back from her face. "I'll help you make the list tomorrow."

Kate smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too…even when you make me sleep on the couch."

"Don't lie to me and do things you shouldn't and you won't have to sleep on the couch."

"Okay, this conversation feels like it could make a turn we don't want so I'm just going to kiss you goodnight and let you go to sleep because you need your rest."

"Smart move," Kate remarked.

"See, I'm learning."

"At least we hope so."

Castle blew out a soft breath; he hoped so too.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 15

Tuesday afternoon found Castle sitting at their usual table at the café waiting on Johanna. He picked up the white ceramic coffee mug and took a sip, his gaze darting to the sidewalk outside the window. She was late…not late enough to cause concern yet, but late just the same. He sighed quietly, setting his mug aside as he closed his small notebook that he had been writing in and tucked it back into his pocket with his pen. He'd give her five more minutes and then he'd call and inquire about her whereabouts. Surely she wasn't going to stand him up…if she hadn't in all this time, surely she wouldn't start now…would she?

He frowned, his gaze flicking to his watch once again; 12:07, and she hadn't called or sent a text saying she'd be delayed. But then again, she never did. It seemed to him that his mother-in-law was one of those women who was occasionally late, whether intentional or not, and yet, despite the technology that had advanced over her lifetime, she didn't pull out that smartphone she owned and notify anyone that she was running behind. Or at least she didn't notify him…he was sure if Jim was present that Jim would be notified but other than that, his mother-in-law didn't seem to feel she owed explanations before arriving at her destination.

Castle took another sip of his coffee, wondering if she had had car trouble again. Maybe she was stuck in traffic. Maybe she didn't feel well. Maybe she was just dragging her heels. Whatever the case, her lack of communication left too many maybes to be comfortable with, especially when she had disappeared from the lives of her loved ones once before. He frowned; that wasn't likely in this case…at least he'd like to think so…but New York City wasn't exactly known as the safest place in the world. With that thought in mind, he pulled his phone from his pocket and was about to dial her number when he caught a splash of blue out of the corner of his eye, pulling his gaze toward the window. He breathed easier, seeing Johanna hurrying toward the door in the blue jacket Kate had given her as a gift.

He studied her as she swept into the restaurant; her eyes were hidden behind her black sunglasses as always. It seemed she had a black theme going, he mused, taking note of the black suede ankle boots she wore and the black v-neck t-shirt that she had paired with jeans, her black Coach purse in hand. It dawned on him that he always studied what she wore, as if her wardrobe choice might tell him something about her mood or frame of mind. The heels of her boots gave her back the height he was accustomed to her having, the black of most of her apparel seemed to hint that she was either just dressed down or that she was in some sort of dark mood. As she drew near, she pulled off her sunglasses and he noticed that she wore her makeup this time, her lips painted a dark red, a subtle splash of purple across her eyelids to highlight her green eyes along with a careful sweep of mascara along the lashes. She wasn't flamboyant like his mother; she made her fashion statements in subtle ways. His mother would mix colors with wild abandon; Johanna seemed to pair hers carefully. His mother enjoyed large pieces of jewelry, the more worn at once the better in her mind at times; but Johanna kept it simple, today instead of hoops, she wore a pair of emerald earrings; she wore her usual diamond heart pendent necklace; her wedding rings and the emerald ring that Kate had worn on a chain for years before Johanna's return. The usual watch and dainty bracelet with its butterfly charm were on her wrist. She kept it simple, elegant, an air of quiet class. Her simplicity seemed to imply to him that getting ready for her day hadn't been cause of her delay.

She paused a few feet from the table when someone called her name. He watched closely, seeing her tense momentarily before smiling at the woman who approached her. "Hi, Karen," she said; and he noted that she relaxed slightly but he kept watch just the same, glad they were near enough that he could hear whatever was going to be said.

Castle studied the other woman, pegging her to be somewhere in the ballpark of Johanna's age; her hair was reddish brown, her eyes and smile kind, carrying no hint of maliciousness but he knew that Johanna wouldn't drop her guard too far, she never really did when she was in public.

"It's been a long time, Johanna," the woman stated.

"Yeah; it has been," Johanna agreed. "How are you doing?"

"Oh I'm good; thinking of retiring soon. How are you doing…you know, after your ordeal."

Castle cringed inside, hearing the words 'your ordeal' and he saw Johanna's posture tense again, her foot tapping against the floor once before she caught herself. "I'm fine; it's in the past and I do my best to leave it there."

"Of course," Karen replied, patting her arm sympathetically. "I'm glad you came through it alright."

A small, tight smile graced Johanna's lips. "Thank you; I'm glad all of us came through it."

"How's Jim?"

"The same as always," she said, her smile softening as it always did when she spoke of her husband. "He's snuck back into the courtroom a few times as co-counsel on a few cases."

"Any chance you'll be doing that?" Karen asked.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm happy with my job; I've been teaching law classes at Columbia…I enjoy it a great deal. How is Harry and your children?"

Smooth change of topic, Castle thought to himself as he subtly watched the scene.

"Harry's off on some fishing trip in Florida; I act like I mind because he likes thinking he's getting something over on me but honestly, I'm glad to get him out of the house for a few days."

Johanna laughed. "They do have to be sent out to play once in awhile."

"They do," her acquaintance agreed. "As for the kids, Parker is an accountant; he got married back in the spring. Shelly teaches preschool; she's been married for two years and just had a baby," Karen said, grandmotherly pride on her face as she lifted her phone to show Johanna a picture.

"He's adorable," Johanna said sincerely. "What's his name?"

"Tyler," she answered; "He's the sweetest thing. Do you have any grandchildren yet, Johanna?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "But Katie got married in May so hopefully she'll give me one soon, I've been waiting," she said with a laugh.

She would have her sought after grandchild before long, Castle thought; but technically, she did already have one through marriage…there was Alexis; but she didn't mention her.

"It's bound to happen," Karen remarked; "I saw her in the newspaper; she's so beautiful."

"She is," she said with maternal pride. "But of course I'm biased."

Karen laughed softly. "No one can blame you for that. She looks like you; she can't deny being your daughter."

"She's heard that once or twice."

"I bet; and you've got yourself a famous son-in-law," her friend said with a grin.

"Yeah," Johanna said; "It's not as much fun as it sounds."

Castle's head jerked upwards from his subtle watch, fully staring at the scene as the words hit his ears.

"Really?" Karen asked.

"Yeah…he's right over there," Johanna said, jerking a thumb in his direction; "Pretending he's not listening. Do you read his books?"

"Well of course; how can I not…I knew Nikki Heat when she was a little girl," Karen said with a joyous laugh.

"I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you Katie's favorite remark; that not everything in the books are like her."

"Oh I figured that; tell her the people who've known her all her life know to take these things with a grain of salt."

"I'll remind her of that; do you want his autograph, because he'll humor me…"

"You don't think he'd mind?"

"No, he won't mind…will you, Rick?"

"Of course not; any friend of yours, Johanna," he stated.

Johanna tugged Karen along with her to the table as Castle pulled a piece of paper from his notebook. "Rick; this is my friend Karen; Jim and I worked with her at Roche's firm."

"It's nice to meet you, Karen," he said with a smile; "And please, don't believe my mother-in-law; she has a lot of fun being related to me."

"Oh I'm sure she does," Karen replied, a star struck look on her face. "I may not have seen her in awhile but I still know when she's kidding."

He wrote a few lines on the paper and signed it as he had a quick discussion about the books before handing the page over to Karen.

"He has new books coming out soon," Johanna told her friend.

"I'll be looking forward to them," her friend said, a hint of excitement in her voice.

"He's going to have a new series too…which he won't tell me what it's about, because he's horrible like that," she remarked.

Karen laughed. "Isn't she funny? I always loved working with her."

"Yeah," Castle said, "She's a riot."

"Were still new to our mother-in-law/son-in-law relationship," Johanna quipped. "He's not sure about me yet."

Karen laughed; taking it as a jest. "Oh I'm sure he knows he couldn't ask for a better person for the job. You've always been warm and loving."

"I appreciate you saying that," Johanna remarked; her tone quiet and honest.

"I have to get going," Karen said; "And I'm keeping you from your lunch. It was nice seeing you."

"You too."

"Are you on Facebook?" Karen asked.

"Yes, I am; send me a friend request," Johanna told her.

"I'll do that as soon as I get home," her friend assured before saying her goodbyes and hurrying on her way.

"You're late," Castle remarked; his gaze pinned to her face as she shrugged out of her jacket.

"I know," Johanna replied; "I'm sorry."

"Where were you?"

"I had to take Scarlett to the vet," she answered, a flicker of what he assumed was worry making her frown. "It was unexpected."

"What's wrong? Is she alright?" he asked; praying that the cat was fine, or if ill, would survive whatever ailed it because he didn't think anyone would be able to stand the sight of her grieving over her pet.

"When I was getting ready to go out, she suddenly started favoring her one paw and limping a little," Johanna stated. "I checked it but didn't see anything wrong with it, she didn't cry or meow as if she was in pain but she kept favoring that paw. I called the vet and asked if they could squeeze her in as soon as possible and luckily they had an opening. I put her in her carrier, rushed her to the vet. We get called back to the room, I open the carrier, she prances out pretty as you please, no limp, no favoring the paw."

Castle's brow rose. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah," she stated; pausing long enough to glance at the waiter as he appeared at the table. She asked for her usual soda and when he was gone, she continued on with her story. "I tell the vet about how she acted at home, suddenly favoring the paw and a slight limp; that she made no sounds of pain. He said that sometimes cats try to hide the injury when they're at the vet, so he examines her. He checked the paw thoroughly, checked her leg. She made no sounds or indications of pain while pressing and checking everything. He put her down on the floor, she walked perfectly fine. He said he'd x-ray her leg if I wanted. I said yes, of course, I don't want to take chances with her. So he does the x-ray…it comes back fine, no breaks, no inflammation, no arthritis, no cracks, nothing. He checks the paw again, wanting to be sure he hadn't missed a splinter or something small imbedded in the paw. Again there was nothing. He looks at me and says "Mrs. Beckett, there's nothing wrong with her." I felt like an idiot."

Castle laughed. "There's nothing wrong with her?"

"No," she replied. "I had just had her in for her checkup a few weeks ago and everything they do for that came back normal, she's healthy inside and out. Like I said, the x-ray and exam showed nothing wrong with the paw or the leg. So I say to him, why was she acting like something was wrong? He asks me what I was doing when Scarlett exhibited this behavior. I tell him I was getting ready to go out and run some errands and that I had a lunch appointment. He then asks if it's possible Scarlett knew I was leaving. I said yes, she knows when I take my purse downstairs I'm going out…and I tell her I'm going out. He asked me if she's ever done this before. I said no. He asks if I had any anxiety about going out today; if I was going to do something that maybe I wasn't happy to have to do," she trailed off.

He smirked at her. "You said yes."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; I did…because these lunches never do give me a good feeling. The vet then asks if I'd consider Scarlett very attached to me. I said yes; she follows me around all the time, I baby her. He asks if she ever tries to offer me comfort. I said yes, she does usually jump up on my lap when I'm upset or bothered by something. The vet then says, "I think she just sensed that you didn't want to go do whatever it is you had to do and she was trying to give you a reason to stay home with her."

"Oh my God," Castle stated; "Your cat faked an injury to get you out of lunch with me."

His mother-in-law nodded. "That's what the vet says…costs me $300 to find out Scarlett was faking…although I'll keep an eye on her to make sure."

"I assume you took her home before coming here?"

"Of course."

"And when you let her out of the carrier, did she limp?"

"No," Johanna replied; "She ran over to her dish and got a bite to eat, got a drink, ran upstairs to get her toy and brought it back down to me. She thought I was staying home…she wasn't happy when she saw me pick up my purse to go out again."

"Did she limp again?"

"No; just gave her perturbed meow she always gives when she's annoyed," she replied.

The waiter returned to take their order and deliver her drink, sparing him from further comment for the time being. He ordered a cheeseburger and fries and his mother-in-law ordered a chicken sandwich and fries. "You don't eat burgers much, do you?" he asked. "You always go for chicken."

"I like a burger once in awhile," Johanna remarked; "But I have always preferred chicken for some reason."

Silence fell for a moment and she met his eye. "I only said it wasn't as fun as it sounds because I knew you were listening."

"Yeah; I know, I'm not stupid," he remarked; "I can figure some things out on my own."

Her gaze lowered, her fingers toying with the edge of the napkin. "I'm sorry."

"Two I'm sorrys and our meal isn't even on the table," Castle remarked.

She sighed. "I know; you don't like when I apologize…well I don't know what else to do. If I don't apologize, you'll think I'm a bitch. If I do, you think I'm insincere. I can't really win either way so I'm just going to do what comes natural to me; I apologize, you can accept my apology and move on or you can ignore it and add it to your list of misdeeds; whatever floats your boat."

"I'm just trying to remind you that it loses its sentiment when used so often."

"Fine, Rick; I'm not sorry. Do you feel better now?"

"No."

"Okay, I'm going to say your dreaded phrase," Johanna stated, her gaze meeting his. "I'm sorry I teased you in front of my friend…apparently it offended you; although I can just imagine what you say about me to your friends, because everyone loves a mother-in-law joke and you probably tell them you've got the biggest joke, and that's fine, I don't care. Like Karen said, she knows when I'm joking, she didn't take it seriously."

"Maybe not, but you're implying we don't have a good relationship."

"We don't," Johanna stated; "But if it was so bad, I wouldn't be here…and I wouldn't have made sure to tell her you have new books coming out, now would I?"

"You might."

She rubbed her fingers across her forehead. "I'm already getting a headache. Don't worry, as soon as Karen sends me a friend request, I will send her a message telling her that you're a wonderful, perfect son-in-law and assure her that I was merely trying to tease you today. God, you used to have a sense of humor."

He frowned; she was right…he usually took little comments like that for what they were, light hearted teasing that did no harm…and he'd made his share of cracks about her; in front of her and in private. Now he had put her on edge, she was tense again; he could always read it in her posture and he couldn't blame her for it when he seemed to have shifted attitudes so quickly. "You're right," he stated; "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. It's my fault; I can't ever keep my mouth shut like my father always said. Let's just get on with this, Rick; I don't really want to leave Scarlett home too long by herself just in case the doctor was wrong."

"I'm sure she's fine," Castle replied; "Cats like to gain attention…even though everyone knows she's lavished with it. She knew you were leaving, she didn't want you to go…so she got your attention."

The waiter arrived with their meals, allowing Johanna to stay quiet as he put the plates on the table and made sure they had everything they needed. Fredrick went on his way and she gave her attention to her food, lifting the bun of her chicken sandwich to make sure they didn't accidentally put a tomato on it as she always requested that they leave it off.

"So," Castle said casually. "You told your friend that you don't have any grandchildren."

Puzzlement flicked across her face as she glanced at him. "Well, I don't have any grandchildren yet…unless you know something I don't. Does Katie have a secret child hidden away somewhere? If so, I'm going to need to know the location so I can go and get it and take it home with me."

"No; she doesn't have any secret children."

"It's a good damn thing; I'd hate to have to yell her for keeping it from me…and for not keeping the child in the family."

"You don't have to worry about preparing that lecture; she hasn't hidden a child," he assured; although technically, the one she was carrying was still a secret for the time being.

"Then what's the problem with me telling Karen that I haven't joined the grandmother ranks yet?"

"Because…technically you do have a granddaughter."

She shook her head. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do…Alexis is your granddaughter by marriage."

Johanna sighed. "Is this going to be your topic today?"

"I think it's time we got it crossed off the list."

She shifted in her seat, growing quiet for several long moments as she felt the weight of her son-in-law's stare. "I know the technicalities of marriage," she said slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. "You have a child, you married Katie; Katie became her stepmother and that makes me a so called step-grandparent. But like I explained before, that role would be different if Alexis was a little girl…but she's not. She's in college; she has no need for me in that type of role."

Castle eyed her. "Say Kate and I have a child one day, does that mean when it becomes college age that you're just going to tune out of it's life because it's not little and needy anymore?"

"No! That would be an entirely different situation."

"Why?"

"Because when Katie has a child, I will be in that child's life from day one, as much as I'm allowed to be there. Alexis is grown; I didn't come into her life when she was an infant or a young child. I came after she graduated high school."

"So when you're asked about grandchildren, you're never going to claim Alexis?" he asked.

Johanna dipped a fry into some ketchup. "I don't think Alexis would want me to claim her as mine."

"Why?"

She scoffed. "I think you know why, Rick; but if you need a few examples, we can start with how she calls me Mrs. Beckett and flees the room when I'm around. It's like I'm the teacher she dislikes or something."

"She doesn't dislike you…if she did, she wouldn't have spent so much time with you."

"Yeah; well that time spent being friends is another reason I won't claim her…you made it very clear that I wasn't welcome to do so and so did Martha. Martha said if it wasn't for my influence, Alexis would've been confiding in her as always when she didn't feel she could confide in you. She said I was trying to take her place in her granddaughter's life; that I was trying to get even because Katie likes spending time with her more than she does me. I thought all of that was very rich coming from a woman who has called me ridiculous for feeling like someone was taking my role in my daughter's life; but I know how the world works; what's deemed wrong for one person is allowed to be right for another."

"It was a difficult time," Castle said as he reached for his coffee to take a sip. "It got out of hand and we never did really apologize for that."

Johanna shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It was a lesson I needed to learn apparently; and believe me, I learned it."

"What lesson was that?"

"Don't get involved with a kid who isn't yours by birth or other blood relation."

"I sat in two of your classes," Castle stated.

"What's your point?"

"I wouldn't say you're uninvolved with your students…and they're college age. You know where they work, who has a little sister in dance class that they're helping to support; you know who has a baby, you walk around the classroom holding that baby when need be. You know who has earned some type of honor; you know who is likely to be out partying instead of doing the work assigned. Those are just a few examples off the top of my head."

"That's different; they're my students…they're my kids for a semester. They need me…they need me to teach them what they want to learn. They need me to give advice. They need me when they just need someone to talk to for a few minutes. They have a need for me….they like me, they accept me…they respect me. It's my job to be involved with them, to make sure I'm getting through to each and every one of them so they go into their career knowing what they need to know."

"And buying things for dance class fundraisers and giving parenting advice are included in that job description?" he asked; knowing he was going to be pushing her buttons.

"They're my students; my kids…if they need me to buy a candy bar or hold a baby; yes, it's my job."

"They're not your kids though…you say they're yours but they're not."

"When they walk into my classroom, they're mine," she stated through clenched teeth. "They're my kids, and they treat me better than some people I know."

"Why?" he asked; "Because you think they need you? That seems to be a key word with you, need. You want people to need you and when they don't need you in the way you want, then you're going to be distant."

"That's not true."

"I think it is; Alexis doesn't need you as a grandmother; at least the way you think a grandmother should be needed, so you're not going to claim her. You think your students need you…but really, you need them, because you need to be needed all the time. You're a needy person, Johanna."

The remark brought back the memory of Frank McKenzie and she clenched her teeth together so hard she was afraid she might crack them. She had to remind herself that she had come to the decision to give up the battles between her and her son-in-law. She had to remind herself that Katie was more important than her wounded pride or the opinion of a man who could never walk a mile in her shoes. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and told herself to rise above it.

"I would be more comfortable claiming Alexis if I had her permission to do so…and if it wasn't an issue with her biological grandmother. I respect Martha's role in her life; she's been an excellent grandmother. She's been there for her all of her life and deserves the title, not just because of blood relation; but because she's done everything the role requires. Why should I claim what is hers? What would it prove to you? You didn't want me to have a role either; you made sure it was obliterated…and now suddenly it matters to you if I claim your daughter as my grandchild. Why is that, Rick? What is it that you need so badly, that you've changed your tune?"

He studied her, as he had been the entire time since his last comment, watching her swallow back the words that sprang to her tongue, watching as she closed her eyes and took a breath. She hadn't taken the bait, the little test he had set to see if she was sticking to her previous comments about giving up the battle. Apparently she had…but he had hurt her, he saw the glimmer of moisture in her eyes…a look he couldn't place, but he felt badly for it. "I'm sorry for what I said," he stated.

Her chin jutted up that extra notch, the trait that was so much a part of her that he realized the night before that he had given it to Erica Bradley as well.

She shrugged slightly. "It's no big deal; it's nothing I haven't heard before," she remarked. "My father started telling me I was needy when I was five years old. He told me all the time. Katie's said it too…it's nothing…I'm a big girl, I can take it."

Those daddy issues, Castle thought to himself; the ones she had mentioned the last time they had lunch. His little test had plunged right into that deep well of hurt she kept buried inside. "I know, you've told me…but I was baiting you…I wanted to see if you were still stuck on conceding the battle; apparently you are…because the mother-in-law I know would've told me where to get off for that remark."

"Yeah, well, you don't like her," Johanna replied; "So I'm giving you the new improved version. If you don't like this one, all I can suggest is that you just give up in the mother-in-law department and be content with everything else you have."

"I'd rather you just be the way you were when we first met."

"In a constant state of guilt and turmoil?"

"No…just…you know, relaxed and comfortable with me."

"I'm comfortable, Rick; but I swear, if you had been as picky with wives as you are with mother-in-laws, you might not be on your third go around."

Castle nodded. "I'll give you that one…and thank you for being yourself with that remark."

Johanna glanced at him. "When you say it like that I'm not sure if I need to apologize or not."

"You don't…I prefer you to be yourself."

"I wish you'd make up your mind," she sighed before picking up her sandwich.

"I'll work on it," Castle replied; "But let's get back to Alexis; no wait, first, I don't want you to think I believe you're overly needy, I really was goading you."

"Fine, I'll pretend I believe that so we can move on," Johanna replied.

"I'm serious though."

"Right, moving on."

Castle sighed a little. "It wasn't an easy time for me…it was the first time I ever felt disconnected from Alexis."

"It's not easy for any parent, Rick…we all go through it. You're lucky though, Alexis held out longer than most kids for rebellion; and honestly, her rebellion was pretty quiet. Her method wasn't hurtful to herself or anyone else in a physical sense."

He shook his head. "I'm sure there was…physicality."

She smirked a little in amusement. "If you mean sleeping with her boyfriend, of course there was; but I meant physical harm some kids do by experimenting with drugs; by getting drunk every night and partying. Getting involved in an abusive relationship. She wasn't committing crimes or getting arrested. Her grades didn't drop, she wasn't thrown out of school. She was trying to find herself. She was trying to figure out who she is besides your daughter; trying to grow…trying to figure out her place in a time when you were making decisions about your own life. She was trying to show you that she can stand on her own…and maybe she was trying to punish you a little for letting her out of the loop about things that affect her life too."

"And an idiotic boyfriend was supposed to accomplish all that?"

Johanna smiled a little. "You've never been a young woman caught between childhood and adulthood. We're held to different standards than boys. Boys are allowed to fumble their way into adulthood, make mistakes and have them laughed off as rites of passage or as a good story to tell one day. It's not the same for girls. We have to navigate the world with a different set of rules and it gets hard sometimes…what Alexis did wasn't unusual."

"No?"

"No…because when you're a girl, in that gray area of eighteen and nineteen, where you're suddenly supposed to be an adult and you still kind of feel like a kid at times; it can get confusing. You find out college is a different world than high school…that it isn't the same way television and books make it out to be. You start looking for something to hold on to and you feel like you're too old for it to be mommy and daddy. Your friends are scattered between various universities…new friends aren't quite the same yet and they have their own lives they're trying to figure out. So, we tend to find someone to hold on to; and if you're supposed to be an adult, in the mind of a young girl, that means you need a relationship. Alexis did what a lot of nineteen year old girls do; she found a boy, she let herself love him; she let herself believe it was right and perfect."

"It wasn't right or perfect," Castle muttered.

"In your mind it wasn't," she replied. "But you don't know how a young girl feels inside; how quickly she can convince herself of love just because a boy gives her the attention she thinks she needs…because he makes her feel a little less lonely. Just because you didn't like him doesn't mean it was wrong; it wasn't your choice, it was hers. Her choice. Her mistakes to make, her lessons learned."

He scoffed a little. "She wouldn't have made the mistake of bringing him home with her if she had discussed it with me."

"That's why she didn't discuss it with you; we don't want anyone messing with our special brand of logic when we're in love and it's new and exciting. We don't care what anyone thinks; all we care about is how we feel and how that person makes us feel. You could've talked until you were blue in the face before hand and she still would've brought him home. Once she was home and saw how much you hated him…well, Rick, you just made him look all the better."

"Why?" he asked.

Johanna smiled. "Because when we're young, any boy our fathers hate is exactly what we think we need in our life. We can be on the brink of breaking up with an idiot and a father can make a comment about how terrible he is and we'll stay with him another month. Trust me, I know…Katie dated an idiot for seven months when she was sixteen because Jim just could not listen to me and keep his opinions between us. At the time, it was the longest seven months of my life."

"Kate's mentioned that," he admitted.

"I bet she has…you should've listened to her; she knows what it's like. Just because she isn't a mother yet doesn't mean she doesn't have anything to offer. She's been a teenage girl. She's been a college student. She's got a wealth of knowledge about things that you don't concerning the workings of a young female mind."

That was probably true, he thought to himself. "Did you make that same mistake at nineteen?"

"Oh yeah," Johanna said, stabbing a fry into the ketchup once more. "I dated the biggest jackass in the universe for two years. I thought he loved me…I was a fool. He used me, he cheated on me, he dumped me and he made me a laughing stalk for anyone who wanted to listen about how foolish I had been to think he was going to marry me one day. It was a very difficult time."

"What did you father think of him."

"He hated him; said he was a no good son of a bitch…he was right…I always hated when he was right. Knowing he hated Cade helped keep him appealing. When it was over, my father told me, "I told you he was a no good son of a bitch; maybe next time you'll listen". Again, he was right…but what I really needed to hear from him at that time was 'it's alright, we all make that mistake at least once in our life'…but that was left up to my mother to say. That's why Alexis didn't come to you when she and Pi parted company…she didn't want to hear 'I told you so', she didn't want to hear about how unsuitable he had been for her, how you could've told her from the start that it was doomed. She didn't want her mistake rubbed in her face…and can you honestly say that you wouldn't have said those things? And before you answer, let's remember that you weren't in a very rational state of mind concerning her during that period."

"Okay, I probably would've said those things without really thinking about it," Castle admitted.

"Right…and it would've made it all hurt worse."

"But according to what I heard, she's the one who broke up with him."

"It doesn't matter, Rick; that's still a hard thing to do. It hurts to realize you don't love someone like you thought; that you made the wrong choice…to realize that you made the choice for wrong reasons. She made a home with him in that apartment; you don't just end that and feel nothing. Sure she was relieved to be out of a relationship that was starting to suffocate her…but then she felt alone again; alone in that home she was trying to create of her own because you were at odds with each other and she didn't want to just run home and cry to daddy like a little girl."

"But she could have."

"Yes, she could have…but again, it was her choice to make."

"She chose you," Castle remarked; doing his best to keep bitterness from his tone.

"Not actively; and she didn't choose anyone when it first happened. She stuck it out on her own for awhile. She took on odd jobs to pay for the apartment because she didn't want you to pay her bills. That's how she ended up in my neighborhood. She was tutoring a kid up the street; Jim saw her standing outside our house one day, looking up at the door. I had food on the stove, I told him to go out and get her, maybe something was wrong. He brought her inside, the poor girl was exhausted, she was running herself into the ground. She had a bag of laundry with her that she told me she needed to take to the laundry mat because the washer in the laundry room was broke. She hadn't had dinner. I made her sit down and eat with us; we coaxed more of her story out of her over dinner. You could tell she was burning herself out, trying to do everything…trying to hang on to her pride. She mentioned she hated being alone in the apartment all the time…and I honestly don't think she meant to say it out loud. I kept her talking for awhile, about school, what all she had been doing to earn money for the bills. I kept her talking until after eight and then I started suggesting that she just stay over and I'd take her to school the next morning because I had to go there for work anyway. She put on a little bit of a show of hesitating at first and then she agreed. I settled her in the guest room and she was so tired, she was asleep by 9:30…and then I went in and took her bag of laundry and went and washed it for her and had it back in the guest room before the night was over. When she got up the next morning, I made sure she had a good breakfast and drove her to school. Jim and I both hinted that when she was in the neighborhood, she was welcome to come to the house and have dinner…stay over in the guest room and she could ride to Columbia with me. We didn't see anything wrong with opening our home to her. We just thought we'd give her a place where she could feel safe and loved when she needed it since she was against going home to you."

"You've told me all that before," he remarked.

"I figured you wanted me to go over it again," Johanna replied. "I don't think she had it in mind to make me a confidante that day…she just kind of landed there and figured it was a good fit."

"But why?" Castle asked. "Why you instead of me or Mother?"

"Because you're her father…and she wasn't all that happy with you. You had criticized her boyfriend, you criticized the home she was trying to make. You were pushing too hard, you were doing all the things she didn't want you to do. She didn't go to Martha because she knows Martha tells you nearly everything. She didn't seek out Katie because she didn't want to put her in a bad position and honestly, I'm not entirely sure she was happy with her at that moment. I guess she felt I was a safer choice…I had some distance. She knew Katie and I weren't really getting along so there wasn't going to be much mentioned since we weren't talking a lot. She knew you and I don't get along all that well and I definitely don't get along with Martha so she felt she had nothing to worry about from me. I wasn't even sure she'd come back after that first evening…but then the next week she did…and it became a habit."

"That you didn't feel a need to share with me," he stated.

"No; I didn't…she's grown, she doesn't have to inform you of every move she makes anymore and being that she wasn't a minor, I wasn't obligated to tell you her business. When Katie mentioned in a conversation that you were worried, I told her to assure you that Alexis was fine and that she stayed with us at least once a week; that I was making sure she was taking care of herself and had what she needed; that she wasn't letting her school work suffer."

"You still should've told me," Castle said; "You knew more about her than I did at that time."

"So what? Is she not entitled to privacy? Is she not allowed to make her own decisions about who she can confide in and trust? I figured it was better for me to mention it to Katie; because that put a person between you and I, which would've comforted Alexis. She wouldn't have trusted me as much if she thought I was calling you every time I saw her. I didn't do anything wrong…all I did was give her a safe place when she wanted it. I gave her friendship. I gave her meals and rides to school and did her laundry a few times. We offered her advice about her classes for the next semester, listened to her debate majors. Jim helped her with some complicated chemistry assignment she had that was giving her a little trouble because she was wearing herself out. He was always good at that stuff; won awards for it in school. We just took care of her in the small ways she allowed. We made her a part of our family; we enjoyed her, we loved her. We never thought for a second that you'd have such a problem with her spending time with us."

Castle swallowed the bite of burger he had taken. "I just wanted her to come home."

"I was working on it," Johanna replied. "I almost had her convinced that she could go home, tell you that she was in over her head with that apartment, that she wanted to move back home. I almost had her convinced that you wouldn't serve up the judgments that she feared…that even if you did, it would only be because you love her and you hate to see her get hurt by the choices she made. I almost had her there…she was starting to come around to the idea; if you had just given me a little more time…but then you had to storm into my classroom that day and accuse me of stealing your child; of convincing her to stay away from you. You said I was using her to recapture the years I didn't get with Katie…you said I was using her because my own daughter didn't come around enough to suit me. You said I had no right to take her into my home and act like a parent toward her; that I wasn't her mother and I damn sure wasn't her grandmother, nor would I ever be. You said I was manipulative…that I was keeping her from you to get even with you because Katie chose you and your family over me. You told me what a terrible person I was…that I was the last person you wanted your daughter thinking of as a role model; because I had done nothing but lie and hurt people and you weren't going to stand for me turning your child into some copy of myself; nor would you let me use her to recapture my need of motherhood. You said she didn't need my kind of attention and mothering, because you couldn't think of a worse mother…that I was as bad as her own mother. You said I had no business being in her life that way; that if I had any respect for you, I would've called you immediately and had you come and get her…and you said it like I was some kind of evil monster that had tainted your daughter," Johanna said, her voice growing taunt with tears. "Those are just highlights of the accusations and things you threw at me that day…and Alexis heard most of them. She knew you didn't want her around me and she needed you more than me, so she went home and she never came back to my house. She never treated me the same again. She was finally calling me by my name…and in an instant I was back to 'Mrs. Beckett' and she kept as much distance as possible; still does. Martha, of course, had to give me her two cents as well as I mentioned earlier. I had already known that you didn't like me…but that was the day I realized you hated me."

"I don't hate you," Castle said with a shake of his head.

"You could've fooled me," she replied quietly. "It sure did feel like hate. You don't have any idea how much you hurt me that day."

Seeing the hurt that still lingered on her face without the cloud of his anger blinding him, he felt ashamed. "I did a lot of damage that day."

Johanna nodded. "That was the day I stopped caring."

"Caring about what?"

"About what I said or did around you. You already thought I was terrible so why should I keep trying to prove to you that I wasn't as bad as you thought? You had already made up your mind…I mean it's pretty bad when someone is so against you that they don't want you around their kid…that they think you'd actually be so cruel to use a kid for some personal gain. I wasn't using her for anything; and I damn sure wasn't trying to substitute her for my own daughter…I wasn't trying to live out the time I should've had with Katie through Alexis. It isn't possible to do that, nor would I want to. Alexis is a beautiful, intelligent girl…but she's not my Katie. No one can be a substitute for my own daughter and I'd never even try to find one or make someone into one…that would only cause hurt for everyone involved."

It had been cruel to say those things to her, Castle thought to himself; he had allowed his anger and frustration with his daughter's distance to leak out and hurt someone who had only been trying to help. But he had been jealous…insanely jealous that his daughter had seemed to prefer Johanna Beckett to him in those weeks. After all, he had raised her on his own…or rather, he had raised her mostly alone; he couldn't discount his mother's role in giving Alexis a female influence and added family stability. He didn't like to share his child…and suddenly he realized how Johanna must've felt when Kate had turned her down so often in favor of him or his family. It was a bitter pill to swallow; to realize that feelings he had criticized her for having were the same ones that had led him to cause so much damage with the woman who was to become his mother-in-law. She was right after all, she hadn't done anything wrong…all she had done was offer his daughter a safe haven; a shoulder to lean on, an ear willing to listen; things Alexis had needed and didn't feel she could get from him at the time…and hadn't it been better for her to go to someone she knew she'd be safe with? She had gone outside of her family but she hadn't gone far…she had gone to Kate's family, and even though they had only been engaged then, her family and his had already felt somewhat connected. But maybe what had bothered him most was that Alexis had sought out a woman…a woman who could mother…instead of going to her own father after everything they had conquered together in her life. She hadn't even thought of going to her own mother, and a part of him was always pleased that he outweighed any opinion Meredith could give her…but that time she had gone to Johanna; someone who actually knew what it was to be a full time, hands on mother. Maybe a mother was what she had needed during those weeks; she hadn't felt like she could put Kate in the role at that time, so she had chosen Kate's mother when their paths had crossed…and it had annoyed him, made him jealous because he thought he did pretty well at being both parents rolled into one. But even though he had done the job, Johanna was right; he didn't know the inner workings of a nineteen year old girl's mind and heart. He didn't have the same experiences to share, the understanding that came with once having the same feelings. She had needed a mother to help her lick her wounds that time…but she hadn't picked her grandmother for whatever reason. She had picked a different type of mother…and in hindsight, he realized that maybe he had felt threatened by it and he hadn't been able to handle it.

"I'm sorry," Castle said as he met her eye. "It doesn't seem like it's enough, but I am sorry. I hurt you, I was cruel…and my only reason for it was that I was jealous that Alexis could replace me so easily."

Johanna shook her head. "She can never replace you, Rick; nor does she want to. Those moments of breaking away and having distance, they're a part of life…we all go through it. I loved my mother with all my heart and yet there were times when I had to step away from her because we were at odds…its not a good feeling for either party, but it happens…all that matters is that whoever steps away comes back…and as daughters, we always come back. I always went back to my mother. I always went back to my father, even when I didn't want to, I did…and I used my mother as my excuse for it every time…but I went back because I loved them both. Katie and I, we have our moments…sometimes I let her go; she comes back to me when she's ready. You're going to have to learn to do the same with Alexis. Sometimes she needs room to try her wings; you can't clip them just because you're afraid she won't come back or that she'll confide in someone you haven't approved. Those things will only make her stay away longer. I think you've already learned a bit of that lesson."

"Yeah; I guess I have."

"You can't tell her who to fall in love with; you can't tell her who to be friends with. You can't have the control that you're used to having…those days are over."

"I know," he said quietly.

"She's going to make mistakes…she's going to pick the wrong guys…but you have to make mistakes to figure it all out. Everyone knows that Pi wasn't right for her; but at that moment in time, she felt like he was. He served a purpose in her life in that moment…and then the haze faded and she realized that it wasn't really love; that she was just trying to fill that void she felt. That she wanted to show you that she could make decisions without you too…because you hurt her by leaving her out of the loop when you proposed to Katie…and when you're that age, and you're used to your parent consulting you on things, you feel a little shunned…so she thought she'd just get her own relationship, make her own home, show you that she didn't need you either. She was being a teenager, Rick…and Pi was a lesson that will serve her well later in life."

"How do you figure?"

Johanna smiled. "Because she'll look back and see all that was wrong with it; she'll see how she used the wrong reasons…see that maybe he used her a little too…and then one day when she uses the right reasons, with the right man, she'll appreciate him even more. I know my lesson made me appreciate finding the right man all the more. It made me see things that maybe I wouldn't have if I hadn't learned some hard lessons."

"Like what, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Things like the right man respects you, gives you consideration. The right man makes everything about both of you, not just him. The right man cares more about what he's giving than what he's taking. If you don't take a few wrong turns, you don't realize those things when the right one comes along."

"I guess that's true," he replied; "I hadn't thought of that."

"That's because you haven't been a woman," she explained; "Its different for women…I know that sounds cliché; but it is…we analyze things and store lessons differently."

He nodded. "I can agree with that assessment without offense on behalf of my gender."

"Good to know; the last thing I want to do is add more offenses to my list."

Castle sighed heavily. "How do I fix it?"

"You can't fix Alexis; you just have to let her grow into the woman she wants to be…it's a bumpy road at times but she's a good girl, she'll make it. You just have to remember that your intense dislike of her boyfriends only makes them more attractive to her."

"That's good advice…but not what I meant."

'Then what do you mean?"

"How do I fix the damage I did the day I came to your classroom and acted like an ass?"

Johanna took a sip of her soda as she carefully considered the question. "I'm not sure there's a fix for that. It was done and you can't go back and change it…you just have to learn to make your peace with it; at least that's what I've had to learn to do with certain things in my life. Some words can't be forgotten and the only thing you can do is let it lie where it is and move on."

"But can it really be moved on from? It's always going to be there…it was a very bad moment between us."

"It was," she agreed. "And it's why I worry about the place I'll have in my future grandchildren's lives. Katie tries to assure me that I'll have an active role…but then I wonder what happens if one of you or both of you get mad at me. Will my grandchildren be kept from me as my punishment until the anger passes? What if you plan on doing something with that child and she tells you she wants to see me? Because kids do that at times; they want to see grandma or play with cousins…Katie had those moments at times. I remember a time when I had a terrible week at work and just wanted to spend time with my little girl that weekend…and all she wanted to do was go have a sleepover with her cousin Claire. It stung, but I let her go; her happiness was more important than my need. It was more important for her to love everyone in her world and to be loved by them. So I can't help but wonder; what if my grandchild looks at you one day and says she wants me? Are you going to be angry and keep her away because you think she's too attached to me? Will you keep her away because of a momentary sting of jealousy that she wants someone else in that moment?"

A part of him wanted to tell her that she was ridiculous for harboring such worries…but he felt that she was justified, all things considered. Besides, he knew the feelings she spoke of; there had been times when Alexis just wanted her grandmother. There had been time when she was four and had been angry with him for telling her no about something and she had cried for her mommy. In fact, she had cried for Meredith several times when she had been little…until one day she realized that Meredith wouldn't drop what she was doing to fly across country…that he didn't always call, knowing that she'd chat with their child for a few minutes and then disappoint her by not coming to soothe her hurts. But that was a different time, a different relationship. He had no doubt that one day his child would look at him and Kate and demand to see her grandmother for whatever reason came to mind; despite whatever plans they made. It was a part of parenthood…it was evidence that your child knew he or she was loved by someone other than its parents.

"No, I wouldn't keep your grandchild from you in a moment of jealousy," Castle answered. "I do know what you mean by those moments; I had them with Alexis and I never kept her from Mother when she'd make a small demand to be taken to her. Mother was, apparently, better at tea party than I was."

She smiled a little. "Well, knowing you, you probably asked if the tea had been poisoned by spies trying to steal the crown from the young princess."

He met her eye. "Did Alexis tell you that?"

"No," she laughed; "It just seemed like something you'd do."

"I was just trying to liven it up."

"I'm sure; but I see why Alexis would've preferred Martha for that game. I'm sure Martha made it feel classy and sophisticated in that way little girls like."

He nodded. "There were feather boas."

"Mhmm…I'm guessing pink wasn't your color."

"I'm more of a blue…and she always took the blue."

'Isn't it terrible when kids don't play fair and take all the good stuff?"

"Actually, I meant Mother…I joined them a few times; she always took the blue boa."

"Well, blue is Martha's color," Johanna remarked. "It goes well with her eyes and hair color."

"But still, she could've shared."

"Poor you," she laughed.

"It's always poor me," he replied with a small smile; "But, honestly, I know when Kate and I have a child, there will be moments when that child demands you…not only because it will love you, but because I'm sure it will know you will always side with it and give it whatever we said no about."

"Most likely true."

"I figured as much; but I won't allow any momentary jealousy to keep me from calling to see if you're available for a visit or a phone call, or whatever it is your grandchild wants in regard to you. I promise you that."

"Alright," she replied; "What about the question about if one of you are mad at me?"

He shook his head. "We won't punish you by keeping your grandchild from you. If you and Kate are having one of those weeks where you're off balance; I'll bring the child to see you, or do the drop off/pick up for babysitting, whatever the case is. If we're having a bad moment between us, which hopefully we won't be, Kate will bring it. I promise you that your grandchild will never be used as a pawn against you. That wouldn't be fair to you…and it wouldn't be fair to the baby," he said, and then froze, realizing the word he had said.

Johanna looked at him oddly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing; I just meant to say child."

She shrugged. "A baby is a child."

'I know…I mean…it's nothing, just a slip of the tongue."

"One that shouldn't really bother you as much as it is," Johanna stated. "Do you have babies on your mind?"

Castle laughed, nerves kicking beneath his skin. "No, of course not; why would I?"

She eyed him, studying him intently. "Well…you're married."

"I am; I'm a lucky man."

"Yes, you are…but maybe you're thinking about babies."

"Well of course I am, you're talking about grandchildren…and if you're going to have grandchildren then Kate and I have to provide a baby," he said; hoping he wasn't talking as fast as he thought he was.

"Yeah; that's usually how it works," she stated, still eyeing him. "I think maybe Katie wants a baby sometime soon."

"Oh yeah? What makes you say that? Because not too long ago you weren't sure she wanted any."

"We've had some discussions since then," Johanna replied; "I think maybe she's thinking about it…and you said in a round about way that you've discussed it."

"Yeah…a little…but you know, those things take time."

"I'm aware of that," she laughed. "I did have a baby of my own."

'Yeah; you did, and she's great, you did a good job," he told her.

"Thank you, but I didn't do it alone…there was Jim."

"He did a good job too."

"He always does. So…are you both thinking about it?"

This was dangerous territory, Castle thought to himself. Kate would kill him if he slipped up and relieved the news. There would be no mercy if he stole her moment. "All I'm willing to say is that we do discuss it."

His mother-in-law smiled; so she was right, Katie was trying to have a baby. "Discussion isn't how you get them."

He smirked at her in amusement. "Yeah; to hear you tell it, it requires champagne and a hotel room in another state."

"Well…it was snowing and there was nothing to do but to celebrate my good fortune of missing that damn reunion…but you know, winter is on the way, I'm sure it'll bring snow days."

"You want a grandchild really bad, don't you?"

"Desperately," Johanna replied; "And while I'm still young enough to have the energy to chase a toddler."

He smiled. "We'll see what we can do for you."

"Please do, the sooner the better."

It would definitely be sooner than she thought, he mused but he wisely kept the thought to himself. "So, getting back to Alexis."

Her nose wrinkled. "I thought we were done with that."

"No; not entirely." He replied. "I know I can't change what happened, but I am sorry for the way I treated you."

She gave a slight nod. "I'm sorry I overstepped by taking her in."

"You didn't…I'm glad she chose a place where she'd be protected and taken care of in the little ways she needed. I'm glad she felt that comfortable with you and Jim that she kept going back. I'm sorry that I ruined that relationship; it wasn't fair to any of you."

Johanna met his gaze. "I didn't only take her in for her sake…I didn't only do it because I like her and enjoyed her being around. I did it for you…I knew you'd find out eventually that she was hanging around. I thought you'd trust me…that you'd know that I would keep her safe until she was ready to come home. I thought you'd trust me with your daughter because I trust you to protect mine even when she thinks she doesn't need it."

Oh…there was a piece of the puzzle that he hadn't even considered; and he didn't know what to say in regard to it but he knew he had to think of something. "It was never an issue of not trusting you, Johanna…I would trust Alexis and any future child I have into your care. I told you, it was about jealousy and being in uncertain waters. I admit that I never once thought about it in the terms you just used; that you took care of mine because I take care of yours. I guess I never allowed myself to see that you were doing it for Alexis and for me…and you may not believe it, but I am glad you were there for her when she needed someone."

"I'm always glad that you're there for Katie…especially during those times when she won't let me be there."

"I think those days are in the past, Johanna. I think things are going to be a lot better between you and Kate…I know you both want it to be that way and I think you've been achieving it."

"Things have been better the last few months…and I'm glad for it; and no matter what you think, I am glad she has you, that she has the person she was meant to be with," Johanna stated. "I want her to be happy and loved; I want her to have a family of her own…I just want to keep my place in it."

"You will," he said with conviction; "I'm never going to stand in your way…nor do I expect you to let me."

"I would fight against it," she assured.

"Good…now what can I do to make things better for you in regard to Alexis? How can I help repair that?"

"I don't think you can right now," Johanna replied; "I don't want her pressured to act differently toward me. I know you have some goal in mind with all this; but I don't want her to feel obligated. I'm not going to push; I don't have any right to in that area. I do love her, I do want you to know that, but I won't claim her with the specific term mentioned earlier unless that's alright with her one day…because right now it wouldn't be; not for her and not for Martha. Maybe one day she'll feel better about being around me again…and maybe she won't, but the choice is hers."

"So you don't want me to talk to her?"

"Rick, I can't tell you not to talk to your daughter about the subjects of your choosing. If you want to talk to her about how you felt during that time period, please do so, it might clear away any lingering feelings about the whole thing…but don't pressure her into thinking she has to have a relationship with me because she doesn't have to. That ball is in her court."

"Alright," he stated; "But what about me? Are you going to forgive me…even though some things can't be forgotten?"

"I'll forgive you…"

"Good," Castle smiled.

"On one condition…"

"Oh, I missed the silent 'but' in that answer," he quipped; "What do I have to do?"

Johanna smiled. "I'm going to need that grandchild."

"That's all?"

"Yes."

"Consider it done," he grinned.

Her brow rose. "Won't Katie have something to say about that?"

"Oh don't worry her, I'm sure she'll go along with it…I mean, we're talking family unity here, she's all for that. Don't worry; we'll get that grandchild to you."

"You sound like you're going to order it on Amazon and have it shipped to me," Johanna replied.

He shook his head. "That's not as much fun."

"I don't need the details, Rick."

"Just the end result," he said with a nod; "Don't worry, my forgiveness is secured."

She studied him intently again, wondering if that was some sort of slip up as she quietly gathered evidence. "Then can we check this topic off your list and leave it in the past where it belongs?"

"That depends; are we as okay as we can be on the topic."

"I'm fine," she answered. "Are you?"

He nodded. "I think we have a better understanding of the issues and can move past it now."

"Then by all means, let's check it off and move past it," Johanna told him.

"Alright, I'll check that one off…and hey, we're still on speaking terms; that's progress right?"

"I suppose so…you won't have to worry about your wife being mad at you."

"Yes; that's always a plus," he stated. "And I won't have to worry about an angry father-in-law…right?"

"Right," she answered.

"Good…because I think he could hurt me if he really wanted to."

"Count on it," Johanna replied.

Castle smiled. "So we're going to call this lunch a success."

"You can call it whatever makes you happy, Rick."

"You'll be back Thursday?"

"I guess so since you seem to want to stick to that."

"You said you'd try," he reminded her.

"I'll be here," she said, picking up her glass to finish her drink. "I am going to head home now though; I want to check on Scarlett and make sure she's still fine."

He gave a nod. "I understand, let me get the check and I'll walk you to your car."

"I know the drill," his mother-in-law answered as she pulled her keys and sunglasses from her purse.

* * *

After he paid the check, Castle walked Johanna to her car, hoping he had finally found the right path to stay on with her. The topic he had chosen that day could've gone very badly in light of all the wounded feelings involved but it hadn't. They hadn't lost their tempers. She hadn't left before the meal was over. Maybe he was finding his balance.

"Will you let me how Scarlett is?" he asked as she unlocked her car door.

"Sure, I'll send you a text later and let you know," Johanna replied. "I'm hoping the doctor was right and she was just putting on a little show to get me to stay home."

"It might come with the name you gave her," Castle said; "Scarlett O'Hara could be dramatic when it suited her."

"Yeah, she could be…but she's still one of my favorite characters."

"Apparently so…why did you name the cat after her?"

"Because I was re-reading Gone with the Wind when Jim gave her to me…and because she has green eyes and Scarlett O'Hara had green eyes….and Scarlett's full name is Katie Scarlett O'Hara; I already have a Katie, so I figured I may as well have a Scarlett too."

He smiled. "When you put it that way, it seems fitting. Do you have name suggestions picked out for your future grandchildren?"

"I might have a few things in mind if Katie ever needs a suggestion. Should I start making a list?"

"Knowing you, you probably already have," Castle said lightly; "But I was just making conversation."

"I've got my list stored right here," she said, tapping her temple. "Are you going to the precinct now?"

"Yeah; do you need something first?"

"No; just give my love to Katie."

"I will."

"Is she feeling any better?"

"She's doing fine," he answered; not wanting to say that she still wasn't feeling her best; he was sure he had already raised his mother-in-law's suspicions enough.

"Good; I worry."

"I know you do; but she's fine, I make sure of it."

"I hold you to that."

"It's a promise I can keep," he said as she opened her door and got in the car. "Be careful getting home; let me know how Scarlett is."

"I will," she told him; "Have a nice day."

"You too," he remarked before closing her door for her.

Johanna pulled her seatbelt around her and hooked it while her son-in-law stood on the sidewalk, watching and waiting for her to pull away from the curb as always. They weren't fooling her…there were babies on the brain; either they were trying as she suspected…or there was already one on the way…she just wasn't sure which answer it was. She gave him a smile and a wave before pulling into traffic; she'd have to present her evidence to her husband and see which theory he agreed with…and then she'd have to figure out how to get the truth of the matter to prove the theory right.

 _A/N: Next up; setting the stage for the big reveal…and possibly the reveal too but I might need to move it back one, it depends on word count._


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 16

After arriving at the precinct and finding his wife's desk void of her presence, Castle wandered the hallways in search of her and finally spotted her at a vending machine, pressing the button for a can of Ginger Ale. "Hey," Kate said, looking up as she felt his gaze upon her.

"Hey," replied; moving to her side quickly so that he could steal a kiss while they didn't have an audience. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Just a little queasy," she said as she popped the tab of her drink.

"Morning sickness?" he whispered.

"I don't really know for sure; it might be the take out I had for lunch. I felt fine until I ate…which means it could be either thing or both. It's hard to tell these days."

"Yeah, I can see why it would be," Castle replied, a frown touching his lips as he wished he could tell her to just go home and rest. "If you start feeling worse, I want you to go home."

"I'll be fine," Kate told him after swallowing a sip of her drink.

He knew better than to argue so he moved on to the next topic. "Anything new on the case?"

She shook her head with a sigh. "No; we've hit a wall with it for right now. We're going to have to go through everything again and see if there's some angle we missed. "We'll wait on Ryan and Esposito to get back from lunch first though; we're going to split up the case again, trade the areas we've each been working on."

"Good idea; we've had success with that before."

She nodded. "I remember; that's why I thought we'd give it a try again."

His brow furrowed with slight concern as she stifled a yawn; she was tired easily these days…a normal symptom of the first trimester but it made him worry that she wasn't getting enough rest. "Your mother sends her love."

Kate smiled. "That's always nice to have. Let's go sit down and you can tell me how lunch was before the boys get back."

"Well, she's still speaking to me," he quipped lightly as they made her way to her desk.

'That's always good to hear," she said with a soft laugh.

"It's good to experience too," he said with a nod. "She was late."

"Why?"

"Emergency vet trip."

"Oh God," Kate said; "Don't tell me the cat's dying."

"No; she apparently faked injury to keep Johanna home with her. The vet said she picked up on your mother's anxiety about going out today and tried to give her a reason to stay home."

"I thought Mom only had anxiety about going out at night…I thought she was over the daytime stuff; she drives herself to work three days a week."

Castle smiled as he settled down in his chair. "The fine print of the statement is that she gets anxiety about having lunch with me."

"Oh, I see…that I understand."

"Yeah…so I guess the cat has decided to go against me and fake injury to save her owner."

She laughed quietly. "Well the furball does love her…and Dad always tells her that Mom is her mommy…so…I think she believes that."

"That's probably true."

"So what else happened?" Kate asked. "What was today's topic."

He met her eye. "Alexis…you know, the great debacle."

She nodded. "Bet she loved that one."

"It went better than I expected, honestly. I think I understand her motivations at the time and they weren't what I thought when that all went down."

"I told you that then," his wife replied. "I told you that you should've just let her continue doing whatever she was doing because I knew she was gently persuading Alexis to come talk to you…Mom has a way of doing that so you'll think it's your idea and not hers. She would've got her home, Rick; she really would have."

"I know," he murmured. "I did a lot of damage."

"Yeah, you did."

"She said it was the day she stopped caring about what she said and did around me."

"I believe that but it had already been heading to that point anyway…not that it excuses the things you said to her that day."

"I know it doesn't…and I apologized to her…again."

"Did she forgive you?"

"She said she would…but there's a condition."

Kate's brow rose. "What condition?"

He gave a quiet nervous laugh. "Um…well…I slipped a little bit when she was speaking of the things she worries about in regard to her future grandchildren."

Kate's heart dropped as her jaw tensed. "Tell me you didn't tell her…because if you did, I swear to God, I'm going to take my gun out and shoot you right in the ass."

"I didn't tell her…and thank you for not shooting from the front, that would make this our only child," he remarked.

"Don't try to get cute," she retorted. "What did you say?"

"We were talking about her worries that sprung up because of the thing with Alexis; she wanted to know if we would punish her with not seeing her grandchild if one of us was mad at her. I told her no, we wouldn't use her grandchild as a pawn against her…that it wouldn't be fair to her or the baby. I meant to say child as I had been the whole conversation but then I said baby and I panicked a little…and I think she might be a little suspicious."

"Why do you think she's suspicious?"

"Well, some of it is your fault apparently."

"My fault!?"

"Yes; you see after I slipped a little and she caught my panic…we had a brief discussion about if I was thinking of babies and then she said she thought you wanted a baby based on recent conversations. She asked if we were both thinking about it…so I'm sure she thinks we're trying at least…I told her all I was willing to say was that we discuss it at times. She told me discussion isn't how you get them."

Kate put her head down on the desk. "Oh God," she muttered; "You've probably set off twenty little alarms in her head; her lawyer side has been activated; she's probably gathering evidence and analyzing every conversation we've had the last few weeks."

"She probably just thinks we're trying."

"She's out buying booties right now, I bet you."

Castle shook his head. "No…I don't think she's that convinced; just a little suspicious that we might be planning it, or trying to achieve it. I can prove it; when I asked if she forgave me and she said there was a condition; I asked what it was and she said she needed a grandchild. If she thought there was one already on the way she probably wouldn't have said that."

"And what did you say to her in regard to that statement."

"I told her to consider it done," he quipped.

"Consider it done!" Kate exclaimed softly; "Are you crazy!"

"What?"

"You said 'consider it done' to a lawyer…a very good lawyer, might I add…she's going to be all over that statement."

"I don't think she took it that literally."

"That's what she wants you to think…she'll try to trip you up the next time she sees you…and I swear, Castle; if you end up telling her or if you made her put the pieces together herself and I'm robbed of the moment I've been waiting for…you're not going to have peace for a very long time."

"I'm sure she thinks we're just trying."

"Consider it done implies a guarantee," Kate said, through clenched teeth. "If we were just trying, you couldn't guarantee success of the effort. Consider it done implies you know that it will be a done deal."

"I don't think she took it like that."

"I don't think you realize that she's a highly intelligent woman…one that graduated in the top ten of her class from Columbia with a law degree."

"It'll be fine…she's just mildly suspicious."

Kate opened her mouth to speak but then closed it, frustration written across her face as she reached out and flicked him in the forehead.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what it's for," she said tersely. "I should've never let you talk to her until after she knew. I should've known you'd slip up and blow it or make her suspicious."

"These hormones of yours make it hard for me to win with you."

"Castle; I don't need to be hormonal to tell you when you've screwed up."

"But it was a good lunch; I should get points for that. I didn't make her hate me more than she already does. Do I at least get points for that? I also assured her that her future grandchildren won't be used as pawns against her if one of us is mad at her. We ended it on good terms," he said, his phone chiming in his pocket. He reached for it and checked the screen. "And look, she's even done what I asked, she's texted me a report about Scarlett; the cat's still fine so far. So see, we're good…just a minor little slip of the tongue but it's all fine."

Kate huffed in aggravation. "We'll discuss it later."

"There's not much to discuss; I didn't confirm anything…I mean she didn't specifically ask if you were…she just said she thinks you want a baby. I'm sure if she's suspicious it's only in the 'trying' area of the field and not the 'already on board' field."

"Uh huh."

"I'm sure it's fine," he went on, knowing he was rambling but unable to stop himself. "But you are still telling her this week, right?"

"Yes, Castle; I definitely am. I already said I was…and knowing she's suspicious just makes me need to do it all the more."

"Good…you should do it soon…before you have to shoot me."

Kate caught sight of Ryan and Esposito making their way through the bullpen and decided not to voice her next comment. "We'll talk about all of it when we get home; and believe me, I won't forget about it."

He nodded. "You've got your mother's memory…it's a steel trap that never let's anything free of its grip."

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you trying to start a fight with me? You managed to get through lunch with my mother without one so you want to bring it to me now?"

"No! God no. See, what I mean, mood swing."

"Keep it up, Castle, and the swing is going to knock you out."

He smiled. "I'm just going to set here and be quiet for a little while…you know, reflect a little."

"Uh huh…that will last a whole five minutes."

"Then maybe you should give me some work to do."

"I'm going to do better than that," she said, motioning for Ryan and Esposito to join them. "I'm putting us all to work."

"Good idea…work will distract us both…and then you won't shoot anyone," he remarked.

"Unless you continue to try my patience."

"I've been doing that for years, you've haven't shot me yet."

"Keep it up and your luck will run out," she replied; "And I'd really hate to do that…it's a lot of paperwork."

He smiled. "I love you too."

She couldn't help the smile that crept to her lips. "I'll try to curb the mood swings."

"It's okay, I understand," he said sincerely. "We'll talk more about lunch at home."

"Deal," she replied as her colleagues approached her desk. For now she'd have to put her worries about her mother's suspicions on the back burner and solve the case at hand…and then she could worry about if she needed to do damage control in some way or adjust her plans for telling the news.

* * *

"How's Scarlett?" Jim asked that evening after stepping through the back door.

"She's been fine all day; running, walking, playing, eating," Johanna answered as she put a plate of bread on the table and then made her way back to the stove where she was finishing dinner.

"No limping?"

"None; no favoring of the paw either."

As if she knew she was the topic of their discussion, Scarlett abandoned her dinner and made her way toward Jim, sitting down at his feet as he shrugged out of his jacket and laid it aside. He stooped down and petted her, gently lifting the paw that Johanna had told him about on the phone that morning. He examined it carefully, noting that their pet didn't offer any hesitation or signs of distress. "So what's this business of faking, Miss Scarlett?" he asked. "Were you trying to get your mommy to stay home with you?"

Scarlett meowed and he nodded. "Well you see where that got you; a trip to the doctor and a three hundred dollar bill for me because you had to have x-rays along with the exam. That's coming out of your allowance for cat treats."

Johanna laughed. "It is not, it's her first offense."

Jim nodded, his gaze still on the cat. "Alright, you've hired a good lawyer; we'll let the first one go…but don't make it a habit."

The cat turned and ran back to her dinner while Jim rose and went to the sink to wash his hands. When he finished, he caught hold of his wife on one of her return trips to the stove and stole a kiss.

Johanna smiled. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too. I missed you."

Her arms slipped around him, holding him tightly. "I missed you too."

He brushed a kiss against her hair and held on to her for a moment before reluctantly pulling away so she could finish getting dinner put on the table. "What's for dinner tonight?"

"Spaghetti," she answered; "It's ready."

Jim waited while she fixed him a plate and then he carried it to the table and sat down as she did the same with her plate. "How was work?" she asked him.

"It went pretty well today; the case is coming together."

A smile touched her lips. "That's good…are you going into the courtroom with Zach for it?"

A sheepish grin touched his lips. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Okay, probably."

Johanna laughed softly. "For a man who claimed he didn't miss the courtroom, he sure is sneaking in at times."

"Well I didn't miss it for awhile…but sometimes there's a case I like to see through with whoever I'm working with."

"It seems that Zach's cases are the ones that get you back in there."

"What can I say, sweetheart; he's a bad influence on me."

She smiled. "He probably says the same thing about you."

"I wouldn't doubt it," he laughed; "Maybe you should ask Monica the next time you talk to her."

"I might do that. Do you think about going back full time…having your own clients?" she asked; finally voicing a question she'd had for awhile now.

Jim shook his head. "No; not really. I'm alright with things the way they are. I work with several colleagues, and in the matter of Zach, I get invited to go into the courtroom on his and I take the opportunity when it interests me…but I don't want to rejoin in the firm in a bigger way. It's enough that I'm kept on the payroll as consultant and occasional second chair."

"I wouldn't be mad if you wanted your own clients," she told him.

"I know…but I have more flexibility this way and that's important to me, especially since you came home. If I took on my own clients, I'd worry I wasn't here enough with you…and honestly, I don't want the hassle again of my own clients. I like doing the building, I even like being second chair…but as for carrying it all alone; I'm good with being done with that part."

"Just asking," she replied, a smile on her lips to soften the comment.

"I know, sweetheart. How did your lunch date go?"

"Well I had to explain why I was late…it kind of reminded me of my father."

"Only kind of?"

"Yeah, the only thing missing was the 'you were even born late' part of the sentiment."

Jim laughed. "Was your excuse okay or do I need to give you a note saying you did go to the vet with the cat?"

"The reason was allowed. I ran into Karen when I got there."

"Oh yeah? I haven't seen her since she left Roche's firm and went to work with Devonshire; that's been awhile."

"She asked about you, I told her you were the same as always."

"How dare you," Jim said, teasing in his voice. "You should've built me up a little."

"Well I would have," she laughed; "but Rick was listening."

"Of course."

"She asked how I've been since my 'ordeal'," she told him. "I know it's silly but I hate getting that question. I just want to leave it where it belongs, in the past."

"I know, sweetheart; I still get that one at times too. It's not as often though, so maybe one day sometime soon, we'll just get the standard 'how are you' without all the rest attached to it."

"That will be nice. She said Katie is beautiful."

"She is; takes after her mother."

"That was mentioned. She brought up my famous son-in-law; I told her it wasn't as fun as it sounds."

"That's the truth but I bet Rick loved that."

"That's why I said it," she laughed; "But he did get a little offended about it even though I only meant it as a joke and Karen took it that way."

"Rick gets a little touchy sometimes."

"Karen got his autograph."

"Did you help with that?"

"It might've been my idea."

"I had a feeling it was."

"She sent me a friend request on Facebook; I accepted. She's a grandmother now."

"Yeah? Which kid came through for her?"

"Shelly; she has a baby boy."

"That's nice."

"She asked me if I'm a grandmother yet."

He smiled. "Not yet."

"That's what I told her…Rick got a little offended."

Jim met her eye. "Why? Did Katie have a kid we don't know about?"

"That's what I asked him, he said no…but that Alexis is technically my granddaughter by marriage."

"Oh, now he wants us to claim her," her husband stated. "Why is she suddenly ours after that big hissy fit he threw about her spending time here with us."

"I suppose it's all a part of the big agenda, darling."

"I want to know what this agenda is."

"Me too; but if you haven't guessed, Alexis became the topic of today's lunch."

Jim swallowed the bite of his dinner he had taken. "How did that go?"

She shrugged. "Alright I guess…I went over it for the hundredth time. He says he's sorry and he was wrong to ruin the relationship we built with Alexis."

"He was wrong; we didn't do anything to her…but he wanted to act like we tainted her or brainwashed her."

"I believe I'm the one who got that accusation."

"But still, I was here with you so we'd both be guilty."

She smiled; he was always willing to take the fall with her…even when they were being unfairly accused of something. "He says he's sorry and I think he was implying that he understands."

"What brought about that sudden development?"

"I don't know; I guess whatever is going on that I'm in the dark about. He asked for my forgiveness."

'What did you say?"

"I said I would; but there would be a condition."

"What's the condition?"

"I'll get to that in a minute," Johanna replied; "During the discussion about Alexis, I mentioned how that debacle is why I worry about what role I'll be allowed in my future grandchildren's lives…like if the child will be kept away from me if one of them is mad and things like that."

Jim nodded. "That's an understandable worry all things considered."

"Yeah, and he was assuring me that wouldn't be the case, saying the child would be brought around; and he kept saying child; but then he got to this part where he said 'it wouldn't be fair to you or the baby' and he kind of froze."

His brow rose. "He froze?"

"Yeah; like he had said something he shouldn't have. So I asked what was wrong and he said nothing, he was trying to play it off, that he had just misspoke and meant to say child. I said a baby is a child, it shouldn't be an issue which word he said. I asked if he had babies on his mind and he said no."

"But you don't believe him?"

"No; he was too guilty about saying the word baby."

"Did you try to wheedle it out of him?"

"A little," she admitted. "I mentioned that I think Katie wants a baby…remember I told you I think maybe she's trying."

He nodded. "Yeah; I remember."

"He asked me what made me say that and I told him because of certain things during recent conversations although I didn't say what those things were. So I asked if they were both thinking about babies."

"And what did he say?"

"He said all he was willing to say was that they've discussed it at times. I told him that's not how they get them."

Jim laughed. "Well that's true."

"Very true; but he tried to get the conversation back around to Alexis and he asked my forgiveness. I said on one condition and when he asked what it was I said I was going to need a grandchild."

"What was the verdict?"

"He said consider it done."

"Consider it done?" Jim repeated.

"Yeah…how do you take that?"

"Well; I could take it a couple ways," he mused. "The most obvious is that the job is done…which would imply that you better get used to being called Grandma. On the other hand, Rick is one of those people who thinks everything will happen his way just because of who he is…"

"That's true, I've thought of that as well. He says it like a guarantee it'll happen, but there are no guarantees with having a child. Look at us, we had a baby…and then when she was three, I stopped taking birth control and we didn't do anything to prevent pregnancy from happening and yet we didn't have anymore children. So there's no guarantee you'll get one if you're trying or not."

"Exactly," Jim remarked; "But like I said, he could think they will just because he says so."

"I agree."

"So which way do you think it is?"

Johanna shrugged. "I don't know…I mean I don't really see Katie keeping it from me if she was already pregnant."

"Well, I'd like to agree about that but you know how she is with telling us things we should know."

"I know…but this would be different. This would be good news."

"Okay," her husband said, "I'll concede that point to you."

"At least I hope she'd tell me," Johanna said; "But maybe there's nothing to tell yet. I do believe they're trying, because of the way Katie's been acting."

"That's a good possibility; she might think her age is going against her, not that I think of her as being old but you know how they act of the news…like women in their thirties are doomed."

Johanna gave a short laugh. "You're right about that; they do act that way, unless it's a celebrity and then it's a different story."

"Do you think they're trying for a baby and that's what this whole thing with you is about? Rick's trying to mend fences because they need you to babysit?"

"Possibly," she said; "But I'd do that no matter what he thought of me."

'We know that…but this is Katie and Rick we're talking about," her husband replied; "They have their own world of logic."

"That's the truth," Johanna muttered. "Katie's been sick…or she was…she said she had a virus."

"Well, it is flu season," Jim replied; "It's not really evidence you can use to support anything at this point."

"Agreed…but do you think they're trying?"

"Oh I'd say so; and I say it's the reason behind these little lunch dates for you. They're trying to have a baby…and you need to be nice and mellow so you'll happily accept those 'Mom, I need a babysitter' calls."

"They don't have to call, I volunteer."

Jim laughed. "I don't doubt that."

She smiled. "I want to be a hands on grandmother."

"Sweetheart; I'm sure when the time comes, you'll have your hands on that baby as much as possible."

"It would be nice though, wouldn't it? To have a grandbaby?"

He smiled. "Of course it would be."

A teasing smile touched her lips. "Are you prepared to be a grandfather?"

Jim chuckled lightly. "Well if Michael and Frankie can do it, so can I."

"No doubt in my mind."

"Being the grandfather has advantages that being a father didn't," he remarked.

Johanna swallowed the sip she had taken. "Do tell."

"The big one is that when you're done playing with the child, you can send it home…I couldn't do that with Katie; we had to keep her."

His wife laughed. "I guess you have a point about that."

"Of course I do. If it has too many tantrums, we send it home to be its parents problem…with maybe a dollar in its pocket to do the job real well to pay back it's mother for that time we took her to the toy store and she laid down in the middle of the aisle kicking and screaming because we wouldn't buy her a 6ft stuffed unicorn that cost a hundred dollars."

"Hell, I might pay five dollars to get even with her for that one," Johanna declared. "That was…a hellish nightmare of epic proportions."

He nodded. "It was also the day she got her ass smacked in the parking lot and taken home without anything."

"Yeah, I remember that old woman in the parking lot telling us we were bad parents because you smacked her ass and I told her she was sitting on time out when we got home."

"She needed discipline and she got it," Jim said; "It didn't hurt her a bit; getting a swat across her backside was a rare occurrence for her; it only happened when she was really bad…like that day."

"I know, but we were judged for it."

"Who cares; it was our kid, we didn't hurt her…she learned a lesson."

"That's true."

"So, are you prepared to be a grandmother?" he asked, a teasing glint in his eyes.

Johanna nodded. "I think so…I think it would be nice."

"I'm sure it will be, when the time comes."

"Maybe it'll come sometime soon," she remarked.

Jim nodded. "That would be nice; we're still young enough to enjoy it."

"That's what I told Rick."

"What did he say?"

"He said they'll see what they can do."

"He kind of gives conflicting messages, doesn't he? In some ways he implies it's a done deal…in others, it's still up to chance."

"Yeah; that's why I wanted to share the theory with you. I'm more inclined to believe that they're at the 'trying' stage but who knows."

"Well, sweetheart; all we can do is hope…and maybe go ahead and get used to the idea of being grandparents…and you should go ahead and get used to the idea of calls to be a babysitter…you know, just in case it all works out."

"I volunteered for babysitting long ago…but you know, when I was being assured the child wouldn't be used as a pawn, Rick did mention picking up and dropping off for babysitting."

"Uh huh, that's why he wants to be on your good side…they're going to need you," her husband laughed. "They're going to need you a lot."

"I don't mind doing a lot of babysitting," she declared before pausing for a moment. "You don't think Rick will stop going to work with Katie, do you? I would worry more if he didn't go with her…and it would cut into my babysitting time."

"I don't really think he would give it up completely; he might stay home a few days but I don't see him quitting altogether because he does get a lot of ideas for his books from the cases they work and the procedures and all that…plus there's going to be times when he does need to stay home and write and he might want you to have the baby here while he does that so he can concentrate."

She nodded. "That sounds logical…but would it be wrong for me to pose the question hypothetically at the next lunch?"

"No, I don't think so…I hope he continues to go with Katie as well, because I do feel she's safer that way…so, you know, mention that."

"Subtle encouragement, I like it," Johanna said as she twirled some spaghetti onto her fork. "That means more babysitting for me."

"What about your job though?"

"I'll switch to Tuesdays and Thursdays and be available in afternoons if need be."

Jim smiled. "I see you've thought about it."

"Of course. Maybe we should look at the crib one day and see if it needs repainted or anything."

He glanced at her. "Where are we putting the crib?"

"We'll put it in Katie's room…we'll have to rearrange the room and maybe take something out but not the bed. I want to keep the bed in there in case Katie would need to stay for some reason. I'm sure she'd rather be in her old room than the guest room."

"We could take the desk out and move the bed over by the window; that would give some room for the crib on the other side of the room closest to the door."

"Yeah, we could do that; we could take out a nightstand too if need be."

"True…but what about a changing table? Are we going to need one of those; because we got rid of Katie's when she stopped using it to put her toys on."

"Well a changing table does make changing easier on the back," Johanna remarked. "I guess we should get a new one…when the need arises."

"But where will we put it?"

Johanna thought for a moment. "There's nothing hanging in the closet, Katie keeps her spare clothes in two of the dresser drawers. I've seen in magazines that moving the dresser into the closet is a space saving idea. So we could do that, put it in the closet and then I could use the other two drawers for baby clothes…and then we'll have space for a changing table."

"We'd have to make sure the dresser fits in there first….and cart those boxes of Katie's in there up to the attic."

"If it doesn't fit, we can put it in the guest room; there's room in there."

"Why don't we just make the guest room a nursery?" Jim suggested.

"Because…I want it to be in Katie's room…her baby in her old room. That's one of the things I always liked about going to my grandmother's. She'd always put me in my mother's old bed and tell me it was hers…and when Katie would stay with Mom, she'd put her in my bed in my old room. It's just…I don't know, special I guess."

He smiled. "Alright, we'll put it in Katie's room. We'll figure it out somehow."

"If we can't, then I'll reconsider the guest room."

Jim gave a soft laugh. "We could be getting ahead of ourselves though."

"Yeah, we probably are…but at least we have a plan if it should happen," she replied with a quiet laugh of her own.

They were silent for a few moments and then Jim met her eye. "We'll need a car seat."

"Definitely; and a highchair."

"I liked those little ones that Greg and Sammi bring when you babysit occasionally; I like that they just hook onto the regular chair."

"I do too," Johanna replied; "I'd definitely rather have one of those."

"But still, we're getting ahead of ourselves."

"We are," she said with a nod; "But I just look at it as planning for the future."

"We should probably stop," Jim replied; "Or you'll be in there ordering onesies and baby shoes before the night is out."

"I wouldn't order anything until I know there's a confirmed baby…and I don't think it's there yet…but we're hoping it will be soon."

"Agreed," her husband replied, a smile coming to his lips. "You'll be a beautiful grandmother."

Johanna laughed. "And you'll be a handsome grandfather."

He smiled. "But for now, we'll just be us."

She nodded. "There's no one I'd rather be than us."

* * *

That evening, Kate paced the bedroom while waiting on her husband to finish his phone call that he was conducting at his desk. She caught herself gnawing on her thumbnail and forced herself to quit; after all, she had more or less kicked that habit when she was seven…when Elizabeth Beckett had put that gross tasting sauce on her fingertips. She grimaced thinking about it, the memory of the taste making her stomach churn and she had to take a few breaths to keep it from rebelling once again. God she hoped morning sickness would pass soon, she mused; before her thoughts returned to the issue at hand. How had they let this happen?

Before Kate could ponder it longer, Castle stepped into the bedroom and closed the door, laying his phone on the dresser. "They won't change my meetings," he told her, regret in his tone."

"Why?" she asked, hoping it didn't sound as anguished to his ears as it did to hers.

"Because they want to get the ball rolling with the new series, discuss cover art, when I can have the final draft done; all the platforms it'll be released on; which I figure means it's getting the full treatment instead of just e-book. They want to get things set up for the release of the first Nikki Heat e-book novella, the cover for that, updates on the Derrick Storm book. I guess they want to get everything set in stone before the holidays set in. I couldn't really give them a good reason for rescheduling because I don't want our news leaked to the media right now…we discussed that and want it kept under wraps until you're further along," he explained.

"I know," Kate replied; "And I still agree with that choice; the longer we can keep it contained with family and friends, the better…but I can't reschedule the sonogram again…I already did that twice because of work and they won't do it a third time. The nurse said it needs to be done…it should've already been done; they want to confirm the due date, see if it needs adjusted to earlier or later in May and make sure everything is on track."

"I know," he answered; "And I did try to get the meetings moved, Kate…I can't believe I forgot that was the date of your appointment when I was told that they wanted these meetings."

"It's alright," she soothed; "I forgot about the appointment until I got the text alert reminding me. I guess I was caught up in the case. But what are we going to do?"

He gave her a small smile. "You're just going to have to keep the appointment and go without me."

Kate frowned. "I hate to do that, Rick."

"I know…but we don't seem to have another option. You can't reschedule and neither can I. It's okay if you go, I want you to go. I want to know the baby is doing alright and have the confirmation for the due date."

"I do too…I just feel like I'm taking something away from you."

He tugged her into his arms. "You're not; don't feel that way. There will be other sonograms; and I'll make sure I'm there for the next one, I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"I swear to you I'll be there for the next one," he replied quietly; "I do feel like I'm letting you down this time though."

Kate shook her head. "No, don't feel that way; you're not letting me down. I'd rather you could come with me but I understand that sometimes things come up…look how many times I've had to walk out the door when we've had plans or are in the middle of dinner…parties, lazy days off. We can't always control the demands our jobs make on us."

"That's true, but it doesn't make us feel any better about it, does it?"

"No," she sighed. "I just…I guess I feel a little selfish having it all to myself tomorrow…and I didn't really want to go alone."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, brushing a kiss against temple.

"It's not your fault; your hands were tied."

They were tied, he thought with a frown, but then an idea came to mind that had him pushing her back a pace so that he could see her face. "You don't have to go alone."

"I don't?"

He shook his head. "I know you had a plan, and I'm sure it was a good one…but you should take your mom…what better way to tell her that she's going to be a grandmother than by letting her get a little sneak peek?"

A smile began to tug at her lips. "Really?"

"Yes, take your mother," Castle stated. "I'd feel better if you did."

"You really wouldn't mind her being there when you can't?"

"No, of course not…who better to be there if I can't be?" he asked; "Besides, I think I owe her this one."

Kate's eyes glimmered with tears. "As your grand gesture? I thought you had an autographed copy of one of her favorite books on the way to her?"

"Actually, I have the whole autographed series on it's way to her but that's just a little gift," Castle replied; "This would be a gesture, but not the one you mean…it'll be my way of showing her that I want her exactly where she wants to be, in our lives, being a hands on grandmother. I'm not trying to usurp your plans for the moment…but I think you should take her with you."

"You're sure?"

"Positive; I'll feel a lot better knowing she's there with you, that you have someone to share the moment with who will appreciate it."

Kate caught his lips in a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. You should call her and make sure she's available."

She hesitated for a moment. "I can't tell her why though…I don't want her to know until we get there and I can't say doctor appointment or she'll have those alarm bells ringing again…especially after your slipups today."

"Good point…just send a text, ask if she's available when she gets off work tomorrow."

"What do I say when she asks why?"

Castle paced a few steps as he tried to think up an excuse. "I don't know…I've got nothing."

"Seriously!"

He shrugged. "Sorry."

"It's a fine time for your brain to short out," she muttered.

"It was doing alright a few minutes ago though, wasn't it?" he quipped.

"It was," she agreed; "Sorry…I just want this to go right."

His hand slipped into hers. "I do too…I feel like I took your plan away though."

Kate shook her head. "No, actually you didn't, I can do both."

"How?"

"Well, I had planned to get her a copy of the sonogram and frame it. I was going to wrap it and give it to her and when she'd open it, she'd know. I'll just give her the frame before we go in for the sonogram…both ideas are combined that way; because knowing her, she'll definitely frame the sonograms until she has a baby picture to frame."

He smiled. "I can see her doing that."

"So there's no harm done with your idea…and I like your idea, I will feel better if she's there with me since you can't be and it'll be a nice way to tell her. I just have to think of an excuse."

"Tell her you're getting off work early…you have to use some personal time."

Kate nodded slowly. "Yeah…I can say that…I can say maybe we can go out and spend some time together."

Her husband smiled. "That's good; she can't resist mother-daughter girl time."

"That's true," she agreed as she moved to the nightstand to get her phone. She sat down on the edge of the bed and he sat down beside her as she tapped out her first message to her mother.

" _Hey, are you free tomorrow after work?"_

"What if she isn't free?" Castle asked.

"We'll have to figure out a way to make her free," she answered, her eyes glued to her phone, waiting for a response.

"How would you accomplish that?"

"I don't know honestly; but let's hope we don't have to cross that bridge…because it would probably involve a lot of lying."

He laughed. "That doesn't sound like a bridge we want to cross."

"Definitely not….come on, Mom; answer," she muttered.

"She'll answer, she always does…she might be in the shower."

"That would just figure," Kate stated; "Or playing with Scarlett."

"Or someone else in the house," he remarked, glancing away.

She nodded. "Yeah; I wouldn't doubt that either…that seems to be their hobby at times."

He laughed. "True…but hey, good for them still being interested at this stage of their lives."

"True; it gives us all hope for the future doesn't it?" she laughed.

"It does," he replied as her phone chimed.

" _I don't have any plans after work; why?"_ Kate read out loud.

"Oh good, we don't have to walk across the lying bridge," Castle remarked as she hurriedly typed her next message.

" _I'm getting off work early tomorrow, I thought maybe we could go out a little bit, have some girl time."_

"Did that sound alright?" she asked after pressing send, wondering if she should've thought of a better excuse.

"It's good, it sounds genuine."

" _That sounds nice; how come you're getting off work early?"_

"Personal time," he reminded his wife after she read him the message.

" _I've got some personal time I need to start using up,"_ she typed. _"What time will you be home from work?"_

" _I'm home by one; what time did you have in mind?"_

" _Can I pick you up at one-thirty?"_

" _Yeah; that's fine. What do you have in mind for us to do?"_

"Oh my God, what do I say?" Kate asked, panicking and shoving her phone at her husband.

"Why are you giving me the phone?" he laughed; "It's like it's suddenly a time bomb to you and you're getting rid of it."

"Because I didn't expect that question and you always think you have all the answers!"

He put the phone back in her hands. "You don't have to give her specifics…just say you have some things in mind…and she'll find out tomorrow."

Kate's brow rose. "Leave her with suspense?"

"Yes; it might make her forget anything I said at lunch that she's suspicious about."

"Good point," she replied; settling her mind as she began to type her response. _"Oh I have a few things in mind, you'll find out tomorrow. Don't worry, they're fun, you'll like it."_

She pressed send and then panicked. "Did I say too much?"

"No, I think that's just right…that will have her anticipating the day and she'll know it's nothing to stress about. It's all good, you've got this."

The phone chimed and they both glanced at the screen. _"I'm intrigued but won't press for more so you don't change your mind,"_ Johanna had written. _"I'm looking forward to it though."_

" _Me too; see you tomorrow afternoon."_

" _See you tomorrow, sweetheart. I love you, goodnight."_

" _I love you too, goodnight."_

Castle patted her knee as she put her phone back on the nightstand. "See, that wasn't so bad, she didn't try to pry it out of you. It's all going according to our hastily prepared plan."

"Thank God."

"Oh I am."

Kate smiled at him, her hand covering his. "I guess this is the last night that it's just our little secret."

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess so…but that's okay, it feels like it's meant to be this way."

"You think so?"

"Yeah; I think it's going to be a good moment for both of you."

"I hope so…but it's been kind of nice having a little secret just between us."

Castle smiled. "It has been…but it's time."

"It is," she agreed; "But we still have tonight to have it all to ourselves."

"True," he said, brushing back a lock of her hair before capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "Should we have some sort of celebration, marking the end of our period of intense secrecy?"

Kate smiled, her hand caressing his face. "I think we should…especially since I'm feeling pretty good at the moment."

"Hmm, you don't think there will be any interruption?"

"No, I think we're good to go this time…I think the baby understands that it's an important occasion."

"Smart kid," he quipped; "Must get it from me."

"No, it's definitely from me."

"We'll debate that another time," he replied; "Let's just agree that it'll be perfect."

She smiled as she leaned close to kiss him once more. "It'll be perfect…just because it's ours, it'll be the most perfect little being there ever was."

"And that's definitely worth celebrating," her husband remarked before silencing any further words with a kiss.

* * *

"I might not be home when you get off work tomorrow," Johanna said as her husband returned to the living room, carrying a drink for each one of them.

"How come?"

"Katie sent me a message; she's off tomorrow afternoon; she wants us to go out for a little while."

Jim smiled as he put the drinks on the coffee table and settled back down beside her. "That sounds nice; what does she have in mind?"

"I don't know, she won't tell me," she answered. "All she said was that she had a few ideas and that I'll like them."

"Must be shopping," Jim quipped as he picked up the bowl of popcorn they were sharing while they watched a movie.

"Maybe so," Johanna replied, a smile on her lips; "So I don't know when we'll get back…I can't promise dinner will be waiting on you when you get home."

He put his arm around her and tugged her against his side. "That's alright, sweetheart; you go out with Katie and have a good time. I can fend for myself until you get back."

"I know, but…I guess I always feel a little guilty if I'm not here when you get home."

Jim shook his head. "No need for that; especially when it's Katie. I'm glad you two have been getting to spend more time together lately."

"Me too…I feel like we've been getting back our closeness."

"You have been and it's good to see; I think you both have found your balance…it gets better all the time."

"I'm glad…and relieved; we've had so much bad between us and I hated it."

"I know you did," he replied, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "But it looks like you two have better days ahead; it's going to be the way you always wanted it."

"That would be nice."

"It'll happen, I'm sure of it. How come she's off tomorrow afternoon?"

"She said she has to start using up some of her personal time."

"Oh," he said with an understanding nod; "She's probably got to get all of that used by the end of the year so she's starting now."

"I'm not complaining," Johanna quipped; "Maybe we'll have a few more girls days because of it."

"Maybe so; and don't feel bad about any of them. I know you'll be home to me when you girls are through with your fun…and you always let me know your stops."

"Take care of Scarlett if I'm not back in time to have dinner; you'll have to feed her so she stays on her dinner schedule."

"I'll feed Scarlett," he assured. "You just have fun with Katie; you two deserve a little after work downtime."

"I'm looking forward to seeing what she has in mind…and why it's a secret."

Jim chuckled. "Oh she's probably doing that so you'll think about it a lot and anticipate it. She knows how you are with surprises."

She laughed softly. "That's probably true…it's a sign of those better days, right?"

He nodded. "That's right."

Johanna snuggled against his side; she'd take all the better days and girl time with her daughter that she could get.

 _A/N: Next chapter…you all know what it is ;)_


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 17

The next afternoon, Johanna hurried into the house and made her way to the office to drop her briefcase at her desk, Scarlett meowing at her heels as she went. "I know," she said as sat down the briefcase and then moved back to the door. "I didn't love you up as soon as I got in the door but you'll have to wait a minute."

More meows followed her as she headed upstairs, pulling off her dress coat as she went. "I hear you," she assured; "But I'm running late, Katie's coming."

Her pet didn't seem to care and didn't stop her protests until Johanna stooped down and petted her. "You know I love you, but I'm really running behind. We'll play later okay?" she asked her.

Scarlett gave her what she could only describe as a look of annoyance and then stalked across the bedroom to curl up on the floor in a patch of sunlight that pierced through the curtains. Johanna tossed her coat and purse on the bed and went to the bathroom and then came back, kicking her shoes off by the dresser. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand; she didn't have a lot of time to spare, she thought to herself as she pulled open a drawer and took out a pair of black jeans. She hoped Katie's plans didn't have a dress code, she really didn't want to be out in her work clothes all day. She wanted to be comfortable…and not think about the cool autumn air hitting her legs if she went in the skirt she had worn to work.

She quickly exchanged the skirt for the pair of jeans and then decided the emerald colored silk blouse had to go too. She peeled it off and grabbed a thin pink sweater from the closet and pulled it on, her gaze darting to the clock every few seconds. It would just figure that the day she had plans meant that it would be a day when she had to solve various issues for students. It also figured that the delay her students managed to create for her landed her in traffic as people escaped for their lunch hour. Oh well, there was nothing to be done about it now, she mused as she grabbed a pair of socks and her black suede boots and moved to the chair to put them on.

"Mom," a voice called out from downstairs, the sound of the front door closing echoing behind it.

"I'm upstairs, Katie," Johanna called back, her gaze flicking to the clock again. Her daughter was a little early, she must be anxious.

As she pulled on her socks, she heard her daughter's footsteps on the stairs. Kate soon appeared in the doorway as she pulled on a boot and zipped it. "Sorry, Katie; I'm running a little behind," she said as she looked up and met her daughter's gaze.

"It's alright, I'm a little early," she said as she walked into the room and sat down on the foot of the bed. "Finish doing whatever you have to do."

Johanna pulled on her other boot as Scarlett got up from her place on the floor and trotted over to Kate, meowing as she rubbed against her leg. "Hello to you too, fur ball," Kate said as she reached down and petted her.

"She's mad at me because she knows I'm going out again."

Kate smirked at the cat. "You'll just have to get over it…she was my mommy first; I get dibs."

Johanna laughed as she moved to her vanity to touch up her makeup. "You love telling her that, don't you?"

"Yes; she must always remember that I was here first," Kate said as Scarlett put her paws against her denim clad leg and stood, sniffing her hands.

"She must think you brought her a treat again."

"No treats today, Scarlett. I'll bring you something next time."

The cat meowed and rubbed against her leg once more before retreating back to the patch of sun she had been curled up in. "She loves you," Johanna remarked with a grin.

"I think she's just hoping I bring her more food," Kate remarked.

"No, she loves you.

"She loves you," her daughter replied. "That's why she gets miffed if you disrupt your routine."

Johanna gave a soft laugh as she went to the closet and grabbed a jacket to put on. She zipped it and then moved to the bed to grab her purse, checking to see that her phone and keys were where she remembered shoving them.

"Do you have your glasses if you should need them?" Kate asked.

She nodded. "You know I leave a pair in my purse."

"I know, but you were at work; I assume you have to put them on at times."

"Once in awhile but they're in there. I'm ready to go if you are."

"I'm ready," Kate replied; feeling the flutter of nerves in her stomach. Soon her mother would know her secret…and it occurred to her that the drive to the doctor's office would be the last time that her mother thought of herself as solely a mother…on the trip back, she'd be a mother and a grandmother. Things were changing, for both of them…and in some small ways, their relationship would be changed too; hopefully in better ways although she did feel like they were better than they had been.

"You okay?" Johanna asked, touching Kate's chin as her daughter remained seated.

"Yeah; I was just thinking, that's all. Bye, Scarlett; see you when we get back," she said as she rose from the bed.

The cat raised her head and stared at them. "I promise I'm in for the night when I get back," Johanna said.

Kate couldn't help but laugh as they left the room. "It's pretty bad that you have to explain yourself to the cat."

"Well…she doesn't understand why everyone can't stay home and play with her all day. I have to tell her I'm going out."

"Why? She might worry?"

"You never know, she might," her mother remarked; "Speaking of which, I need to text your father once we get in the car and let him know that you've picked me up."

"Does it ever bother you that he still wants you to report every move?" Kate asked, keeping her tone soft so that her mother wouldn't take it the wrong way.

"No," she answered as they reached the bottom of the stairs and headed for the door. "It's what he needs for his peace of mind and I'm okay with that…it makes me feel more secure too."

"Does he still have the tracker on your phone?"

"Yes; but only because I've asked him to keep the tracking app. I don't think he checks it as often as he did when he first got it; but I don't want him to get rid of it. It makes me feel safe."

"Then he should keep it," Kate said with a nod. "It doesn't seem so bad since it isn't a secret like it was."

"True," her mother said as they stepped out on the porch and she pulled the door shut and made sure it locked.

They grew quiet as they made their way to the car and Kate once again felt the kick of her nerves; hoping this would all go well…that she'd be happy with the news…but she couldn't imagine that she wouldn't be. She'd be happy…it couldn't be any other way.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Johanna asked once they were in the car. "You seem like you have something on your mind."

"I'm fine," she said as she put the key in the ignition.

"You and Rick didn't have words, did you?"

"No, we're fine. He's at meetings today with the publisher about the new series and the Nikki Heat e-book novellas."

Johanna nodded as she took her phone from her purse and texted Jim that she and Kate were leaving the house. "I remember he mentioned to me that he had meetings this week; he said he was hoping they weren't moving up the date for the new book."

"Yeah; I kind of have a feeling they are but we'll see. What had you running behind today?"

She sighed as they pulled away from the house. "Students with issues."

"That paper again?"

"No, today it was the ones who are doing the case projects. Some of them have gotten to that 'bicker with your partner' stage of the project and you know, they want new partners or they want to do it separately and I had to mediate the issue between one group. Then by the time I got done sorting out all of that, I hit traffic coming home."

Kate smiled. "They drive you crazy, don't they?"

"Sometimes."

"But you like the job?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; I still like it. I just don't like it on days when I have plans. I didn't want to make you wait."

"I would've understood, I was early."

"We're you anxious?"

Yes, but she wasn't about to tell her that at the moment. "No, I just got finished getting ready a little sooner than I had expected and decided to come on over. I noticed that Scarlett wasn't limping…I heard about her trip to the vet yesterday."

"Yeah; the little faker," her mother replied. "She's been perfectly fine ever since; which I'm glad for but I didn't really appreciate the three hundred dollar vet bill."

"I'm sure Dad didn't either."

"He told her it's coming out of her cat treat allowance."

"No wonder she was sniffing me, she's hoping I smuggle some in for her," Kate replied with a laugh.

"Most likely."

"Did you text Dad?"

"Yes. Where are we off to first?"

Her stomach churned with nerves and the usual queasiness that she was getting accustomed to. "You'll find out soon enough."

"You're keeping it a secret?"

"Yes, but we'll be there soon. Did Frankie and Valerie get back from their cruise yet?" she asked, figuring she better keep the conversation going or her mother would ask more questions that she wasn't ready to answer yet.

* * *

A brief lapse in their conversation allowed Johanna to realize that Kate was pulling into the garage of a medical complex. "Katie, why are we at a medical building?"

"Because we have something to do here," Kate replied, grateful that a parking space presented itself quickly.

"What?"

"You'll know soon enough," she told her.

Unease began to fill Johanna as she unhooked her seatbelt. Why would her daughter be taking her to a medical building? She said their outing would be something she liked…anything to do with doctors couldn't be good.

"Katie, what's this about?" she asked as they got out of the car and made their way to the elevator.

"I told you, you'll see soon enough," Kate stated, glad that a listing of doctors in the building wasn't posted near the elevator in the garage as it was in the main lobby of the building. They could bypass that completely and go straight to the third floor, keeping her mother in the dark a little longer.

Johanna tapped her foot the whole elevator ride, agitation filling her as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. "What are we doing here?" she asked her daughter as she followed her down the hallway, her worry distracting her from the nameplates near the doors they past and the one they finally came to that Kate pushed open.

"I have an appointment," she replied; "Sit down while I check in."

Johanna did as she was told but she felt queasy as her worries made her think the worst. She barely registered the sound of Kate giving her name at the window and being told that they'd be with her in a few minutes. Something was going on…and she didn't know what it was but she couldn't stand being in the dark about it especially if something was wrong with her daughter.

Kate moved away from the window and settled down in the chair next to her mother, glad to see that there were only two other people in the spacious waiting room.

"Katie; why are we here? Does this have to do with you being sick so much lately?"

"You could say that."

Impatience flickered in Johanna's eyes. "If something's wrong, I want to know about it now…don't do this to me."

"Nothing's wrong, Mom; I promise."

"Then why are we here and what does it have to do with you being sick? Are we waiting on test results? What do they think it is? Whatever it is, we'll get a second opinion."

She gave a soft laugh. "Relax, Mom; I'm fine…we have a reason for being here but it's not a bad one."

"Then what the hell is it?' she asked, an ounce of motherly firmness seeping into her tone.

Kate opened up her purse and took out a small object wrapped in tissue paper. "Here, I got you a present."

Puzzlement furrowed Johanna's brow as she took the gift out of reflex. "I'm asking you why we're here and you're changing the subject?"

"Just open it," she told her; "Trust me."

Johanna blew out a soft breath of irritation as she pulled at the tape holding the pink tissue paper in place. When it finally fell away, she found herself holding a small silver picture frame. "A picture frame?" she asked. "It's very nice…but I'm not sure I understand."

Kate smiled. "I figured you'd need it."

"Why?"

"Because I figure you'll be the type of grandmother who will frame the sonogram," she answered, a smile spreading across her lips.

Johanna stared at her for the space of a heartbeat; surely she had heard that wrong. "What?"

"You'll be that type of grandmother, won't you? The type who frames the sonogram until you have an actual baby picture to put in the frame?"

She opened her mouth to speak twice but words wouldn't come to her lips as the words sunk into her brain. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" she asked, her heart starting to pound.

Kate took her hand and placed it against her stomach. "Yes…you're going to be a grandmother…just like you've been wanting."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Really?"

"Really," she answered. "You don't know how hard it's been to wait until the right moment to tell you."

"You're going to have a baby," Johanna murmured, her gaze dropping to the hand that Kate still held pressed between hers and her stomach.

"Yes, that's what the doctor told me," she laughed.

"I'm going to be a grandmother?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah…what do you think?"

A soft sob tore from her throat even as a smile touched her lips. "I think it's wonderful…the best news I can imagine," Johanna said as she pulled her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you, sweetheart."

"And happy for you?" she quipped.

"Definitely happy for me," her mother said, her voice clogged with emotion. "How long have you known?"

"Well…it's been a few weeks."

"A few weeks!" Johanna declared pulling back from her. "You've known for weeks and you're just now telling me?"

She had to play with her a little, she couldn't help herself. "When was I supposed to tell you?"

"As soon as the stick turned blue."

"The one I used had two lines."

"Then you should've told me then!" she exclaimed. "Am I the last to know?"

"No! I told Rick no one could know until I told you…you're the first to know besides us. I wanted to tell you right away but he asked me not to…"

"I'll kill him," Johanna stated.

Kate laughed. "You can't do that, my baby needs its father."

"Then why didn't he want me to know?"

"Because he wanted time to fix things with you."

Johanna sighed. "So that's what it's been? The reason for the lunches?"

"Yeah."

"He could've saved himself a lot of money and just let you tell me that I'm getting a grandbaby."

"He didn't think that would solve anything."

"Yes, it would have; I can forgive almost anything as long as I'm compensated with grandchildren."

"I kind of mentioned that," Kate admitted. "He said he wanted it to be for the right reasons…but I got tired of waiting, especially with his setbacks on his little campaign and I told him I was telling you this week."

Johanna shook her head, her fingertips brushing across the picture frame on her lap, it was hard to believe…something that had seemed in the distance only last night was now here…and she couldn't be any happier about it.

"You're not mad are you?" her daughter asked.

"No," she smiled; "Of course not…I'm just…it's just the last thing I was expecting at the moment and I'm trying to let it sink in. I thought from the way you were talking the last few weeks that you were trying for a baby."

"I know, I guess I did give that impression…I almost slipped up a few times and told you; it really wasn't easy for me to keep it from you…but do you remember when you told me that it happens when you least expect it?"

"Yeah."

"You were right."

Johanna smiled. "You were surprised too, huh?"

"Very."

"It's the best surprise though, right?" her mother asked.

She smiled somewhat shyly. "Yeah; it is…also a little terrifying."

Johanna took her hand. "I remember that feeling well…and it's okay to feel that way. When are we going to meet her?"

"Her?"

Johanna gave her a sheepish smile. "The baby…when are we going to meet her? When is she due?"

"We don't know that it's a she," Kate replied.

"It will be if wishes come true…and clearly wishes come true," her mother quipped. "Now, give me a date."

"May; but the reason we're here is for the first sonogram to confirm the due date, she originally told me May 18th but she told me that could change based on the sonogram."

Happiness bubbled up within her. "Am I going to see it with you?"

"Of course you're going to see it; I didn't bring you to leave you sit in the waiting room," Kate laughed. "I want you to be right there with me."

She pulled her into another hug. "I'm so happy about this baby…and that I get to go back with you and see it…so to speak."

"I'm glad you're here too, Mom," she whispered, hugging her tighter as she thought about the years she had spent thinking she'd go through these milestones without her.

"Will Rick be mad that you brought me?" Johanna asked; "Or is he on his way so he can be here too?"

Kate shook her head. "He couldn't make this appointment because of his meetings with the publishers; they wouldn't reschedule because he couldn't give them a good reason…we decided to keep it among family and friends for awhile so we don't want his publisher to know yet in case they'd leak the information."

"I understand that…but he might get upset."

"No, he won't; when we discussed the fact that he couldn't be here, he told me to bring you, it was his idea. He said there was no one better to be here with me than you if he can't be here himself. He said he owed you one…that you'd see that he really does want you here in the baby's life, in our lives."

Her chin quivered with emotion. "Okay, I forgive him for telling you not to tell me."

Kate laughed softly. "That will be a relief to him; but honestly, it was his idea…I had my own idea for how to tell you; I was going to have the sonogram in the frame when I gave it to you but he said it was better for you to get a sneak peek in person."

"Do I still get a copy of it?"

"Yes; you have to have a copy to put in the frame…you're crying your makeup off."

"I don't care," Johanna declared as she reached into her purse for tissues to wipe her face. "They're happy tears…and I haven't had enough of those is a long time."

"You're really happy?" her daughter asked; the soft note of needing reassurance in her tone.

"Of course I am, sweetheart; how could I not be? I've been looking forward to this for a long time, you know that."

She smiled, leaning into her mother once more. "I just wanted to be sure."

"My happiness and love for this baby will know no bounds," Johanna murmured as she pressed a kiss against her daughter's hair. "I'm going to love it just as much as I love you…and that's more love than you can possibly imagine."

"You're going to make me cry," Kate whispered as her eyes welled with tears.

"Good, then I won't be crying alone and looking like a crazy person."

She laughed. "Maybe we should not cry until after we're through with the sonogram."

"I'll try to pull it together but I'm not making any promises once I see that baby on the screen," Johanna replied. "And you're probably going to cry too when you see it…I know I cried when I saw you on that screen."

"I do seem to cry easily lately," Kate admitted.

"Hormones."

"Yeah, they're a bitch."

"They are…but so worth it," her mother replied. "Just think, we we're a mother-daughter duo; and now we're going to be a trio."

"We don't know if it's a girl."

"Don't ruin my moment, Katie."

She grinned. "You're spending too much time around Rick; that's a similar version of one of his all time favorites; don't ruin my story with your logic."

"In this case, I'm going to side with him on that," she replied.

"Are you going to be disappointed if it turns out to be a boy?"

"No, of course not; I'll love it just as much…and I can just see your father tossing him a ball as soon as he learns to stand."

"That sounds like something he would do."

"It will be…he was teaching you as soon as you could stand."

Before Kate could comment further, the door opened and the nurse called her name. "Come on," she said, grabbing her mother's hand. "It's time for our sneak peek."

* * *

Johanna stayed quiet as she and Kate followed the nurse into the room where the sonogram would be done. "Who do you have with you today," the nurse asked Kate after asking her the standard questions about her wellbeing.

"My Mom," Kate answered, a small smile on her lips.

The nurse smiled. "Grandmothers are always anxious to get a peek."

"Bringing her was my way of telling her she's going to be a grandmother," Kate replied, squeezing her mother's hand.

"That's a sweet way to do it," the nurse said, her gaze moving to Johanna. "Were you surprised?"

"Very," Johanna replied; "But it's the best surprise I've had in a long time."

"Is it your first grandchild?"

"Yes," she said, unable to keep the smile from spreading across her lips.

"That makes it even more special," the nurse stated. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Johanna answered, taking Kate's purse and jacket as her daughter handed them to her.

"The doctor will be in in a few minutes, Kate," the nurse told her.

"We'll be here," she replied.

Johanna settled down in the chair as Kate perched on the bed. "Are you excited?" she asked her daughter softly.

"Yeah…but kind of nervous too."

She reached for her hand. "What's worrying you?"

Kate shrugged, feeling a surge of emotion. "Just…what if she finds something wrong once she sees the baby on the screen?"

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "Nothing's going to be wrong, honey; everything will be fine. Have you had any issues that make you feel like something might be wrong? Any bleeding or pain?"

"No; nothing like that, I would've gone to the hospital."

"Okay, then nothing to worry about in that area. You've been sick and telling me it's a virus, but I'm assuming it's been morning sickness."

"Yeah, but at the moment it seems to strike a lot at night."

Johanna smiled. "Yeah, the name is a bit deceiving, isn't it?"

"Definitely."

"I thought it should be called all day sickness," her mother replied. "But I've always heard that if you're sick a lot in the beginning, it means a healthy baby."

"I'd say I'm sick a lot at night," Kate stated.

"I'm sure it's going to be a healthy baby," Johanna assured, giving her hand a soft squeeze. "But it's normal to be nervous…every time I went to the doctor, I was a nervous wreck when he'd look for your heartbeat…even when I could feel you moving while he was doing it, I'd worry about it. It's all a part of the job, sweetheart. The worries start now and they never go away…not even when it's all grown up and having a baby of its own."

Kate gave her a wobbly smile. "You've been waiting on my payback, haven't you?"

"Yes," Johanna said with a smile but her eyes glistened with tears. "But Grandmothers worry too."

"I figured as much."

"It's always worth it though," she stated.

Kate met her eye. "I'm probably going to drive you crazy."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because…every little symptom so far, all I've been able to think, despite what I was told at my last appointment and Castle's Googling, was that I wanted you…I wanted to ask you, I wanted your reassurance…"

"You should've called me."

"I wanted to…but Castle asked me to wait…and a part of me hated agreeing to it but he really wanted to try."

"I understand that," Johanna replied; "But as a wife myself, I just want you to know that when your husband tells you not to do something, that's usually when you should do it."

She laughed softly. "Like when Dad told you not to bring home more shoes so you went out and bought two pairs of heels and a pair of boots?"

"Yes, exactly like that. He gets funny every now and then and tries to tell me what to do. Before we were married, he hated this one outfit of mine I used to wear to work. He kept telling me to throw it out, it was too prissy, he hated it. He couldn't stand it, don't wear it anymore…and I kept wearing it until…"

"Until what?" Kate asked.

"Until he took it."

Her brow rose. "How he'd do that?"

Johanna shook her head. "I shouldn't have told that story, I just remembered how it ended."

"Which means what?" Kate asked.

"You don't want to know."

"You can't start a story and end it like that."

"Not in front of the baby."

"I don't even know if the baby has ears yet," her daughter retorted; "But either way, I'm sure it won't remember the conversation."

"He took it," Johanna stated.

"He took it? Like he broke into your apartment and took it?"

"No."

Kate studied her for a moment and then closed her eyes. "Oh…he took it off of you…in a literal sense."

"Yeah…and then threw it away before I got up in the morning."

"For God's sake," her daughter muttered. "Are you two going to get a new hobby now that you're going to be grandparents?"

"Hell no," Johanna replied; "Eventually this is all going to sink in an age related way and I'm probably going to need to be consoled…and prove that I'm not old."

"Oh my God," Kate murmured as she shook her head. "I think you two have been proving it ever since you got back from Wyoming."

"We're lawyers, we like proof."

"Yeah, apparently that's not all you like."

Johanna blushed. "Shut up; you're the one who's pregnant. You didn't get that way from drinking out of the same cup."

Kate laughed. "You were pregnant once."

"I know, the reminder is laughing at me and telling me to get new hobbies…not that I'm listening to her."

"Dad will be happy to hear that."

"You can bet on that."

"Since I already know the worst of it; how did you feel when you learned the outfit was gone?"

"Well…it was kind of a challenge thing that he won and so that was his prize," she said, her gaze darting away.

"And you didn't mind that he saw it through?"

"No; I'd say he earned it."

Kate sighed. "I've got to stop asking questions."

"I think I might've told you that one day when you were three; clearly you didn't listen."

"Asking questions is in the blood; it comes from having lawyers as parents."

"Sure, blame it on us," Johanna replied; "Just give it a few years and that baby who may or may not be able to hear us at the moment will be blaming you for something and I'm going to laugh."

"Oh I have no doubt," Kate said with a smile.

A knock sounded on the door and then the doctor pushed it open and stepped inside. "How are you doing today, Kate?" Doctor Jensen asked.

"I'm okay," she answered; "Just a little anxious to do this."

"That's understandable," she replied before glancing at Johanna. "This must be your mother, you look just like her."

"Yeah; she is…I get that a lot."

"I bet you do," the doctor said before introducing herself to Johanna. "How do you feel about becoming a grandmother?"

"I'm very happy…I've been waiting patiently," Johanna replied.

Doctor Jensen glanced at Kate. "Is that true, has she been patient?"

She nodded. "Yes, she has been patient…she's mentioned it once in awhile but not in a pushy way."

"It's not often I hear that," the doctor admitted with a smile. "Will your husband be joining us, do we need to wait?"

"No; he can't make it this time. He has meetings he couldn't get out of."

"I see," Doctor Jensen replied; "So Grandma got called in for the first glimpse of this little one."

"Yeah, she just found out in the waiting room that she's getting her wish to be a grandmother," Kate remarked.

"I guess that explains why you both look like you've been crying."

"Happy tears," Johanna replied with a smile.

"Oh I'm sure of that," the woman replied before instructing Kate to lay down and how to arrange her clothes as she settled down on the stool on the other side of the bed and turned on the equipment.

Kate stretched her fingers out to her mother as the doctor spread the gel across her bare stomach. Johanna took her hand, holding it tightly as they watched the doctor pick up the handheld device and put it against her stomach. "We're going to see if we can find the heartbeat," the doctor stated.

Kate nodded; her hand tightening around Johanna's even more as the doctor slowly moved the probe against her stomach. Nerves filled them both as they waited silently. Finally, a sound filled the air and Johanna's breath caught. "There it is," she murmured.

The doctor smiled and gave a nod as Kate's gaze sought her. "There it is."

"Oh," Kate breathed, taking in the sound. It didn't sound as she had expected and her brow creased with worry. "Is it supposed to sound like that?"

"Yes," the doctor replied; "I assure you it's the normal sound."

Nerves still fluttered in her stomach as she saw her mother reaching for her phone with her unoccupied hand. "Is it…is it a good heartbeat?"

"Yes," Doctor Jensen replied. "It's a good heartbeat, in the normal range for this stage of pregnancy."

"Mom, what are you doing?" she asked as she glanced at her mother.

"Recording the sound so you can play it for Rick," Johanna answered. "He should hear it too even though he didn't get to be here…I'm sure he wanted to be."

"That's a sweet idea, thank you."

"I owe him one," she replied before they all grew quiet so she could get an uninterrupted recording of the baby's heartbeat. When she finished, she slipped the phone into the pocket of her jacket.

"Now for the really fun part," Doctor Jensen said as she turned the screen she had been looking at so they could see it. "Here's your baby," she told Kate as she pointed to the screen.

A smile broke across her lips as she felt the pressure of her mother's fingers tightening around hers in an affectionate squeeze. "That's my baby," she murmured in awe, tears springing to her eyes despite her best efforts to keep some control over her emotions.

Doctor Jensen smiled. "Yes; and development is going well and is on track. I'm sure you can tell, but here's the head," she said pointing to it; "And here's an arm; and a leg."

"It looks like it's moving," Kate stated as she stared at the image.

"It is," her doctor replied.

"I don't feel anything though."

"You won't be able to feel it for awhile yet," Doctor Jensen stated. "But I assure you, it's moving; it's practicing those kicks."

Kate turned her head to glance at her mother. "What do you think, Mom?" she asked softly.

Johanna struggled to hold back tears as she stared at the image of her grandchild on the screen but a tear broke free and spilled down her cheek anyway. A few years ago, when she was still in Wyoming, she had thought that she would never have these moments; that she wouldn't be there for her daughter's wedding; that she wouldn't see her through a pregnancy. She had thought that she'd never get to hold her grandchild; that she wouldn't get to share the joys of being a grandparent with Jim. She could remember how lonely and empty life had felt then…the hell they'd all gone through during her absence and through her homecoming. She thought of all the pain she'd gone through the last couple years as she fought to rebuild her life…and as she looked at the tiny baby on the screen, all she could think about was that whatever pain she had suffered had been worth it. The fight to survive, to win, to reclaim…the struggles to find balance with Kate in the long aftermath of their victory over Bracken…it was all worth it; it always had been of course, but even more so now that she could see the proof of her grandchild on the screen. The baby she thought she'd never see, the one whose life she never thought she'd be a part of. She was overwhelmed with love for her grandchild and her daughter, gratitude that God had allowed her to make it back to her family so that she wasn't robbed of these moments because of another person's sins.

"Mom," Kate prodded, her hand squeezing hers.

"She's perfect," Johanna whispered, before leaning close to kiss her daughter's cheek. "Just like you were."

Kate swiped at her own tears, a soft laugh crossing her lips. "You don't know it's a girl."

"I knew you were a girl," her mother replied, her fingers sweeping across her cheek as she tried to bring her emotions under control.

Kate glanced at the doctor. "Can we tell what it is yet?"

Doctor Jensen shook her head. "No, not yet. We'll be able to tell at your next sonogram."

Johanna tore her gaze away from the image and met her daughter's eye. "You will tell me, won't you? Even if Rick tells you to make me wait until it's born…you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes," she answered; "I promise I'll tell you."

"Now for the due date," the doctor said. "I believe I originally told you May 18th, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to move it up a little," she told them. "I think you're a little further along than I thought based on the baby's development and size; not by much but I am going to bump you up a few days. Let's say May 13th…but remember that you can be two weeks early or two weeks late."

Kate nodded. "Everything would be fine if I was two weeks early?"

"Yes, everything would be fine."

"You're probably more likely to be late, Katie," Johanna stated; "You were…you took five extra days."

"Yes, I know; you've mentioned it," she laughed.

"Well…I was starting to think you weren't coming out; and believe me, I wanted you out…you'll find out what I mean."

"She's right," Doctor Jensen said with a laugh. "You'll find out."

"You should've warned me before I got into this," Kate quipped.

"I said the same thing to your grandmother; she told me no way, I owed her a grandchild."

"You only gave her one."

"She had others," Johanna replied; "I would've welcomed another one but it just didn't happen. It's alright though; I was always content just having you, like I told you a few weeks ago. God gave me the best he had, how could I ask for more?"

"You're going to make me cry again," Kate chastened.

"It's alright, I'm probably going to cry on and off all day," Johanna confessed.

"I'm going to freeze the image," the doctor stated; "And get you some copies; I assume you'll want several?"

"Yes, please," Kate answered.

"Sure thing," Doctor Jensen said, handing Kate some wipes so she could clean off her stomach. The doctor pushed a few buttons, freezing the image and telling the machine to send the image to the printer. "I'll be right back with the first baby pictures."

Johanna helped Kate clean off the gel and threw away the wipes as her daughter sat up on the bed. When she returned to her, she pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for letting me be here, Katie," she said softly, pressing a kiss against her head.

"You're welcome…I'm glad you were here for it; and that you're happy."

"I could never be anything but happy about it," she told her, her eyes on the frozen image on the screen as she hugged her tighter. "Do you remember what you said about driving me crazy?"

"Yeah."

"You'll think you're driving me crazy but you won't be…because these are the moments I've been waiting for," Johanna stated.

Kate allowed a soft cry to spill from her lips that she had meant to be a laugh. "Remember that when I call you at two in the morning when Rick can't ease my mind about some symptom or feeling."

"It won't be an issue to me…I've helped you do math homework in the small hours of the morning, so I definitely won't mind this."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she told her as the doctor opened the door and slipped inside, carrying copies of the sonogram.

"Here you go, ladies; the first baby pictures."

Johanna smiled as she accepted her copy. "And I've already got a frame for it; which I think I forgot to thank you for, Katie."

Her daughter smiled. "Your grandma euphoria was thanks enough."

She smiled and gathered up their belongings as the doctor went over normal symptoms and things to watch for that would indicate a problem before instructing her to make her next appointment on the way out.

They left the room and made their way back to the waiting room, Johanna drifting off to a chair as Kate went to the window to schedule her appointment as instructed. As she waited, Johanna laid her copy of the sonogram on the stand by her chair and clicked a picture of it with her phone and was in the process of setting it as the wallpaper on her phone when Kate approached her.

"Wow; already putting it on your phone," she quipped.

"Of course," Johanna replied as she carefully tucked her picture into her purse for safekeeping. "Don't you know that grandmothers always have a picture of their grandchildren as the wallpaper on their phone?"

"Apparently I missed that memo," she teased lightly. "We're good to go now; what would you like to do, because honestly, I was too nervous to plan for anything beyond this part."

"We need to celebrate," Johanna told her. "I think we need to go to one of those bakeries that you can dine in and have a cupcake."

Kate grinned. "Cupcakes do sound good…I've kind of had a craving for them but I don't know if that's baby related at this point or just me."

"Could be both," her mother said; "But let's go get our celebratory cupcakes…and tomorrow I'll bake you a whole batch of cupcakes that you don't have to share with anyone."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"Consider it done, sweetheart."

* * *

"Isn't it a little presumptuous for us to have cupcakes with pink icing and white sprinkles?" Kate asked as they settled down at their table at the bakery they had chosen.

"Of course not," Johanna replied. "Why would it be presumptuous?"

She smiled. "Because you're still assuming it's a girl."

"Well, technically, at this point it is," her mother stated; "All babies start out as a girl…the y chromosome doesn't kick in until close to the fourth month if it's going to be a boy…but it won't be."

"There's a fifty percent chance that it will be," she told her.

Johanna shook her head, pointing at her with the fork. "That's my girl in there."

"Your girl?"

"Mhmm, my granddaughter."

"What if it's a grandson?"

"I'll love him just the same but this one is my girl…you can give me a grandson the next time."

Kate's brow rose. "Next time? Can I deliver this one first?"

"Of course, sweetheart; there's no rush…but this one will be our girl."

"Now it's our girl?"

"Yes," Johanna said with a smile. "We'll be a little dynasty."

Her daughter laughed. "A McKenzie-Beckett-Castle dynasty?"

"Yes; it has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Oh of course…why do I have a feeling you'll buy it a tiara if it's a girl?"

"Because I will," Johanna replied; "A play one when she's old enough."

"You're going to wait until she's a toddler, that's amazing restraint on your behalf."

"I've been known to have restraint…after all, you didn't get that six foot stuffed unicorn, did you?"

"No…but I have a feeling you'd buy it for your granddaughter."

She smiled. "Only if it was on sale…a hundred dollars is a little steep for a stuffed animal."

"Dad would thank you for waiting for a sale price."

"Sale prices are my favorite thing to tell him," Johanna remarked. "But honestly; I'll be happy either way…but I know it's a girl…just like you or worse."

Kate sunk her fork into her cupcake. "Just because Grandma cursed you doesn't mean you need to curse me."

"Oh but it does," her mother replied; "You should know the suffering."

"Is that the thanks I get for providing you with a grandchild?"

Johanna grinned. "Honey, I don't make the rules, I just enforce the ones I like."

She laughed. "I don't know about you."

"What don't you know?"

Kate shook her head, her gaze on her cupcake for a moment before she met her mother's gaze. "How you made it look easy."

Puzzlement flicked across her face. "Made what look easy?"

"Doing it all…wife, mother, lawyer…you were never not there when I needed you. If I had a field trip, you somehow managed to be there. I had to have my tonsils taken out, you stayed home until I was better. You made it to every softball game, every little dinky school play they made us do in elementary school. You had work, and Dad and the house, me…fifty things going on all at once and you could still bust me in a lie, still know what I was up to…know what tests I had the next day and when my reports were due. You just always made it look so easy…like you had it all together."

Johanna shook her head. "It's not easy, not by a long shot. It was a little easier when you were a teenager because I had years of experience by then and you were more self sufficient and your father had settled into being an equal partner awhile before that. Believe me, when you were a baby, I felt like everything was a mess. I was a mess, the house was a mess, your father wasn't as helpful as I thought he'd be, especially if you were crying. You didn't like to sleep…which reminds me, you should sleep a lot now," she told her. "Take all the naps you can, go to bed early, sleep late…soak it up while you can because you're not going to get much of it after the baby is born."

She smiled. "That's hard to do with work."

"Speaking of that," Johanna stated; "What are you going to do about work? I mean…I don't imagine they're going to let you stay out in the field once you get to a certain point…right?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah; I'm going to have to tell Gates sometime soon…maybe not this week…but soon."

"You're hesitating."

"I'm not exactly ready to be chained to my desk yet…I mean I know I'll still be working cases but I won't be out in the field as you said, at least not further than looking at a crime scene, if I'm lucky…so I might hold off until I start to show and then I'll tell her and she'll decide when to put me at my desk."

Johanna chose her words carefully. "That's probably going to be sooner than you think."

"Why do you say that?"

She smiled softly. "Honey, when you pulled your shirt up so the doctor could put the gel on your stomach, I could tell it isn't as completely flat as it used to be. You're starting to gain a little, which you should be, and you can't tell when your shirt is covering it…but you're going to have a little bump there before you know it…and you might get away with hiding it for a few weeks but then it's going to suddenly be noticeable to everyone. Trust me I know, one day I was changing clothes after work and could suddenly tell there was a little bump there that I hadn't been able to notice through my work clothes…and a few weeks later, I could tell no matter what I had on…and if your Captain notices before you actually tell her…you might find yourself in hot water."

Kate frowned but nodded. "You're right, she'd probably rake my ass across the coals for that one. I just…I don't want to be pulled yet…it probably sounds selfish."

"No," her mother said with a shake of her head. "It's not selfish, it's just that you start realizing that you have to give up some things for awhile and it's hard to do that when it's been a part of you for so long…but remember what you said, you'll still be working on cases, you'll still be a part of things, it's just that you'll have to delegate other riskier things to Ryan and Esposito…you can boss them around, can't you?"

She smiled a little. "Yeah, I can do that…I enjoy it too."

"See, there's a silver lining and they'll be able to prove themselves a little more, that'll be good for their egos," Johanna said lightly.

"I'm not sure I want them to have bigger egos," she laughed.

"Well we'll just say that's a hazard of the situation. But it'll be okay…I do understand how you feel about it," her mother was quick to assure; "But when the moment comes, just know that it's the right thing for both of you; not only safety wise but physically and emotionally…because you're going to be all over the map emotionally."

"Yeah, I think I already am," Kate remarked; "Like I said before, I cry a lot lately."

Her mother nodded. "That's not going away anytime soon, just so you know."

"I was wondering about that," she admitted; "Castle says I have mood swings."

"You probably do…but just do what I did."

"What's that?"

"Ask him how he can distinguish between pregnancy mood swings and the mood swings brought on by husbands."

Kate grinned. "Oh, I like that."

"It broke your father of saying 'mood swing' so often…because he couldn't give me an answer to that question, and believe me, I kept asking for one half the night."

She laughed. "I'm sure you did…but um…what did you mean by it being best for me to be at my desk physically and emotionally?"

"Well, emotionally is kind of self explanatory in a way; you admit your emotions are already amped up…you can't control it as well as you're used to and you have to think about how that would affect you in the field in an intense situation. I'm not saying you couldn't handle it," Johanna said hurriedly; "But those emotions could come into play at a moment when you don't want them to…does that make sense? I'm trying to make it come out right because I don't want to upset you and have you thinking things that I don't mean."

"No, I get it what you're saying," her daughter replied; "I could make myself vulnerable by not being fully in control of my emotions."

"Yes; and that's the last thing you want in your line of work…I already worry about you…I'll worry about you even more now until you are at your desk…I'll worry about both of you. As for the other part of your question, I meant psychically because as your pregnancy continues, you're going to ache…sometimes it'll be your back, sometimes your feet, your legs…sometimes it feels like your whole body. If you're at your desk, at least you can sit and lean back in the chair when need be…kick your shoes off under the desk if you're anything like I was," Johanna said with a small laugh; "You can get up and move around when you need to. Best of all, you've got vending machines there when you want a snack."

"That does sound like a plus," Kate agreed; "It's too bad I can't take a nap there."

Johanna gave her a sympathetic smile. "Tired a lot?"

"I've never been so tired."

Her mother nodded. "I remember the feeling…but it'll get better after you're out of the first trimester."

"Really?" she asked; relief flicking across her face.

"Yes; you'll feel better in the second trimester…that's the best one out of the three. I thought of another bonus for being at your desk a lot."

"What?"

"Bathrooms nearby," Johanna answered; "Because you'll feel like you have to pee every ten minutes."

"I feel like I'm already peeing a lot," she whispered. "Not every ten minutes but more than usual."

"That's normal."

"That's what Castle said…he Googles things," she said, her graze dropping to her plate for a moment before darting back to her mother's face. "But I'd rather ask you…you've been through it."

"I sure have," she replied; "And you ask me anything, I told you that."

Kate's chin trembled as her eyes filled with tears. "I had a list and I forget where I put it."

"You had a list?"

"Yeah, of things I wanted to ask you once you knew about this…and I couldn't find it this morning. I can't remember where I put it."

Johanna laughed softly. "Forgetfulness is one of those pregnancy symptoms…as for the list, it'll come back to you, I'm sure…and you can ask me anything; if one comes to you in the middle of the night, hurry up and text it; if the phone doesn't wake me up, I'll answer it first thing in the morning, I promise. If you feel like something isn't right, call me, keep calling until the phone wakes me if I don't get it after the first two or three rings, okay?"

She nodded but tears remained in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" her mother asked.

Kate shook her head slightly. "It's just that…there was a time when I didn't think we'd get to have this moment."

Johanna swallowed hard, tears of her own coming to her eyes. "I know…me too," she whispered. "But we are having it…it was meant to be for us to have these moments. We were robbed of a lot of years…but we came back around for years that are even more important…I got to see you get married…and I'll hold my grandchild. Missing those things were some of my greatest fears…and I don't take it for granted, Katie; not a second of it."

"I know you don't…you probably feel like I have at times though…things haven't always been good between us."

"Baby, that's just the way of mothers and daughters," she said softly. "We push away, we pull each other back…we fight, we bond, we need space, we need closeness…it's nothing specific to just us. There were times when I stepped away from my mother…times when I drove her crazy. We've had bad things happen to us that makes the push and pull seem worse at times…because sometimes those bad things are the cause, or they're the excuse and it magnifies things…but all that matters is that we get past it and come back together…and you know I'm always waiting."

"I know…but sometimes I'd worry that you'd give up on me."

"Never," Johanna told her. "I'd never give up on you. I've let you go a few times because it's what you wanted, but I did it with the hope and faith that you'd come back…and you always do. You'll see one day…you'll see that no matter how mad or hurt you get, you never give up on your baby."

"I just…I don't know…I've been trying to make things better, even before I found out I was pregnant, because I want it to be good again between us."

"It is," she assured. "We're doing a lot better…it's like old times."

"But even when it was bad…I still loved you," Kate told her.

"I know; I loved you too; that never changes."

"I'm a mess," her daughter replied as she grabbed a napkin to wipe her tears.

"It's alright, so am I," Johanna said as she swiped at her own tears. "You're a pregnant mess…and I'm a mess because I'm going to be a grandmother…and I just want to go buy baby clothes and lose myself in a haze of shopping happiness."

A giggle crossed Kate's lips despite the tears still on her cheeks. "The haze would break as soon as Dad got that alert on his phone for the credit card usage."

"I'd use the other one that doesn't send him an alert."

"Good thinking."

"I do it a lot…we could go shopping after we eat our cupcakes."

Kate smiled. "Mom; I think it's a little soon to buy things."

"Yeah, maybe…but that doesn't mean we can't look," Johanna replied. "Does it?"

A shy smile touched her lips. "No, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look…I probably should, just to get some ideas of everything I'll need."

"Right; it's like when Rick does research for books…you're researching to be a mommy."

Kate nodded. "I think we can work with that excuse…what are you researching?"

"Being the grandmother who will spoil the child."

"Two good topics to research," Kate remarked. "We kind of have to go now…because we need to know these things."

"We do…I mean it's not out of the ordinary to just take a look around. I didn't even know you were pregnant last night, although I had suspicions it was going to happen in the near future, but your father and I were already discussing where to put the crib and what we need for the baby at our house."

"Really?"

"Yeah; we're going to rearrange your room a bit to put the crib in there and get a changing table…don't worry; I'm keeping your bed in there in case you'd need to stay sometime."

"Good to know…do you think Dad will be happy?" she asked somewhat shyly.

Johanna smiled. "He'll be so happy…he's looking forward to being a grandfather, he says it has bonuses that being a father doesn't."

"Like what?"

"He can send it home when he's done playing with it."

Kate laughed. "That sounds like Dad."

"And he was right there helping me mentally arrange the furniture and mentioning that we'll need a car seat…so I know he's going to be very happy and excited for this baby just like I am."

"I hope so."

"He will be, trust me," Johanna told her. "But we definitely should go to one of those baby stores after our cupcakes…in the name of research of course."

Kate nodded. "We'll go…because research is very important."

"Indeed…and the shopping kind is best kind," Johanna replied; "Especially baby shopping."

"I haven't had much experience at that, with the exception of picking out a few outfits for cousins and friends who've had a baby."

"Don't worry, it's better when it's for your own baby."

Her daughter smiled. "I'm glad we're having a whole part of the day for this…this better than my original plan…more special."

"It is," Johanna agreed; "And just think, we can tell the baby all about how we celebrated with cupcakes and went shopping once I knew she was on the way."

"Or he."

"Yeah, but still, it's a good story to tell one day…he or she will know she's been loved by all of us from the beginning."

"I agree," Kate murmured; her heart full of love for her baby; and love and a deeper appreciation for her mother. She was so glad Castle had told her it was alright to take her mother to the sonogram…it had created a better memory for them; and she was sure it had probably scored him a few points in the son-in-law category.

* * *

As they walked into a baby boutique, Kate felt a little overwhelmed by all of the baby paraphernalia that would soon be part of her life. "Babies need so much stuff," she murmured.

Her mother took her hand and gave it a consoling squeeze. "It's a little overwhelming at first, isn't it?"

She nodded. "Yeah…I just…I've never really thought about exactly how much stuff they require."

"It does seem like a lot…and in some ways, it is a lot," Johanna agreed; "But it's something you can ease into. We're just looking, but you might see something you like that you'll want to keep in mind when you're further along and ready to buy things for a nursery."

"A nursery," Kate repeated; "The baby's room will have to be upstairs and we're downstairs…what if I don't hear it?" she asked, a small measure of panic in her voice.

"Baby monitors, sweetheart. You'll hear her…you were across the hallway from us and we still had a baby monitor because I was worried I might not hear you."

"And they're better now than when I was a baby," Kate stated.

"Right; and knowing Rick; he'll buy you the ones that have a little camera so you can actually see the baby in the room," Johanna remarked. "I wish they'd had those when you were a baby."

"That kind would be nice," she agreed, a part of her still in disbelief that this was all happening even though she'd had weeks to get used to the idea. "I think I'd like the camera ones."

"I think they're a good idea and I'm sure Rick will get them if you mention it."

"He probably will," she said with a small smile. "But I'll still worry about it."

"Of course you will, you'll be a mommy…mommies worry a lot. Your father and I kept you in our room in the cradle for awhile because we were worried about not hearing you, even though we had the monitors…and you just seemed too little to be over there in that room all by yourself," her mother said, a soft smile on her lips.

"It is a little hard to think of such a little baby being upstairs alone every time she's asleep," Kate said.

Johanna smothered a smile as she realized her daughter said 'she'. "That's why they invented bassinets," she said, guiding her toward a few on display. "I loved yours, it had wheels and I could pull you along with me from the living room to the kitchen. I honestly think I would've been lost without it. We kept it downstairs and had the cradle upstairs for you to sleep in our room for awhile…but with your bedroom being downstairs, a bassinet would serve you well not only because the loft is pretty open, but because if you want the baby to sleep in your room for a few weeks, you can just push the bassinet in there and take it back out in the morning and have it in the living room for your downstairs usage."

"I like that idea," her daughter replied, allowing her fingertips to reach out and skim across the soft material of one of the bassinets on display. "How long would I be able to use it? I know I can't use it for its whole infancy but…how long on average?"

"A good four months," Johanna replied; "Your grandmother told me to stop using yours when you started to roll, you needed more room…so then I got a play pen so you could nap in it when we were downstairs…and it also kept you contained once you started to crawl and I needed you stay put for a few minutes so I could accomplish something. You definitely don't want to still be using it when the baby is able to sit up."

"Safety hazard," Kate remarked.

"Exactly; some people think they're not worth the money because you don't get to use them long…but I wouldn't have traded yours for anything those first months. I don't think they're a waste of money…you can always put it away in case another baby comes along; no I'm not rushing, just saying."

She nodded as she gave a soft laugh. "I know, Mom. I think I will want one, I think we'd use it a lot."

Johanna slipped her arm around her daughter's waist. "Well, when you're ready to get one, you let me know and your father and I will get it as a gift for you and the baby."

"You don't have to do that."

"We want to."

"Dad doesn't even know yet," she laughed.

"He wants to, trust me," Johanna said with a smile; "And we'll make him put it together, because he'll want to contribute to his grandchild. You don't want to deny him that, do you?"

"Oh of course not," she quipped.

"Alright then, we'll go shopping for it one day when you're ready and it'll be our gift to you…not the only gift of course, but the bigger gift."

After denying her parents the opportunity to pay for her wedding, Kate wasn't about to deny them the chance to buy their grandchild a bassinet if they wanted to…she owed them that much for all the hurt she had caused with her wedding. She wouldn't hurt them again by declining their gift to her child. "Okay," she said with a smile, her arm wrapping around her mother. "I'd like that."

"Wow, you must have pregnancy hormones, I didn't have to argue with you about it," Johanna teased.

She laughed quietly. "Maybe I knew it was a battle I'd lose."

Her mother caught her eye. "You won't really mind, will you…if we buy the bassinet?"

"No, Mom; of course not…I think it's nice…I didn't think for a single second of fighting against it," she said honestly. "I want you to be a part of this…all of it; not that I expect you buy gifts; but I do want you a part of this…I want you with me every step of the way."

"I'll be there," Johanna promised; "And I'm still buying gifts."

"Yeah, I didn't doubt that."

"Rick won't mind that we made that little deal about the bassinet, will he?"

Kate shook her head. "No; he won't mind…we'll have the crib to buy."

"Then the baby bed situation is evenly divided then, isn't it?"

"Yes, so we'll all be happy. Honestly, I'm kind of liking that one over there," Kate said, pointing to a bassinet that was white and trimmed with a soft grey, a pattern of tiny elephants on the sides and a detachable mobile that had three baby elephants dangling from it.

"It is adorable," Johanna agreed, tugging her along to get a better look at it. "It's on wheels too, you'd be able to pull or push it wherever you need…and look, there's a little basket underneath where you can put diapers and things, that's very nice."

"I like the little elephants," Kate said, reaching out and capturing one of the little plush elephants dangling over the bassinet.

"They're very cute."

"They remind me of your elephants…the ones on my desk that used to be on yours; and how you always said they were a family like me and you and Dad."

"I remember," Johanna replied as she too captured on of the soft little elephants.

"This one would be okay for a girl too, wouldn't it?" she asked softly.

"Of course it would; little girls can love elephants," Johanna replied; "I always did…so did you. There's no reason why a little girl couldn't use this."

Kate smiled, surprised at the anxiousness building within her. "Do you think they'll still have it in a few months? Because…I want this one."

Her mother smiled. "I could just buy it today."

"No…not until I'm past the first trimester…what if something happened?"

"Nothing's going to happen, honey. You're going to have a beautiful healthy baby," Johanna assured; "But I'll wait…maybe we can put one on hold; we can ask…even if I have to put down a deposit on it, that would be okay, wouldn't it?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, that would be okay."

"Alright, we'll talk to someone about it before we leave," Johanna told her. "Let's see what else we can find."

They moved through the store, commenting on cribs and rocking chairs, baby bottles and toys…and finally they reached the large section of clothing, which made Johanna smile brightly. "Here's the fun stuff," she declared pulling her daughter along with her.

"I can tell, you're all excited."

"I like buying baby clothes," her mother replied, picking up a tiny sleeper that had butterflies on it. "Isn't this adorable?"

"It is," Kate agreed as she reached for a tiny hat pink hat. "It's so little."

"It is…and their little heads don't fit in those hats for long."

Kate sighed and put the hat back on the self. "Something wrong?" Johanna asked; "Are you getting tired?"

"No…it's just…I was never into all this baby fuss and all that…and now suddenly everything is cute and I…I don't know, it's like I'm different now."

Her mother patted her cheek. "You are different; you're a mommy now."

"Well…I guess not really until the baby is here."

She shook her head. "I'm going to tell you what Elizabeth Beckett told me; you became a mommy the second that baby was conceived, it doesn't matter that you haven't held it in your arms yet…you're sheltering it in your body; your body is giving it nourishment…you're a mommy, trust me."

"Why did Grandma tell you that?" she asked out of curiosity.

"It was Mother's Day," Johanna recalled; "I was three months pregnant and your father made a fuss; he bought me roses and made me breakfast, took me out to lunch…told me he had a word with you while I was sleeping, telling you not to make me sick on my special day…and you'll say it's a coincidence but I did get through the day with just mild queasiness at moments. We went to a movie and then we stopped by my parents house so I could give my mother her gift and I was gushing about how my husband was making my first Mother's Day special…and your grandfather said I wasn't a mother yet and had no business celebrating the occasion until you were born. Your grandmother was always a bit suppositious and she said it wasn't right to be celebrating when I was still in the first trimester, I could jinx things…and needless to say, because I'm sure you're finding out, pregnancy makes you a little sensitive and they kind of rained on my parade."

Kate nodded. "Sounds like a lot of rain for a day Dad was trying to make special for you."

"It was, and we didn't stay long. We had been invited to his parents house for dinner; Robert had invited everyone and was having food brought in because he always treated Lizzie like a queen on Mother's Day. I stayed with her while Jim, Robert and Andrew went to pick up the food. No one else was there yet and she was in a pretty good mood…which was always a little surprising but I was glad. We were at the kitchen table and she got this little gift bag out of the cupboard and gave it to me. I asked her what it was and she said it was a Mother's Day present. I opened it and it was a tiny little white sleeper that had a little teddy bear embroidered on it…it's the sleeper you wore home from the hospital; but anyway, I told her the things my parents said and that's when she told me it didn't matter if you were born yet or not; I was carrying you and I was definitely a mommy."

She smiled. "That was nice of Grandma to tell you that…and to give you a present."

Johanna nodded. "That was a good day between us…you're what settled us some…we had many good times once you were here. But getting back to your statement, everything always looks cuter when it's for your own baby…everything is going to feel different; you are different. You're never going to be exactly the same again; because now you have a baby to think of…and a new kind of love to experience."

"It's felt kind of unreal the last few weeks," she admitted; "Despite the throwing up…"

"Yeah, that always brings it home," her mother laughed.

"In so many ways," Kate agreed; "But then today, seeing it on that little screen…I felt even more love…and also overwhelmed…I keep saying that word and maybe it's not the right word. I mean, I want this, I really do…it's just…I guess I didn't think it would happen this soon."

"It's okay to feel a little overwhelmed, Katie. Everyone does; it's a big adjustment to make, not just for your body but for your mind and your heart. It's okay to be nervous, it's okay to have those moments when it feels strange…it's okay to be a little miffed about having to give up your heels at a certain point…"

"Wait, what?" her daughter said at the mention of giving up her shoes.

Johanna nodded. "The doctor will tell you to switch to flats at a certain stage of your pregnancy…probably around five months, I think that's about what I was when I got that bad news; and I'm going to be honest, I ignored the doctor the first time he told me to get rid of them…but then your father went with me to see the sonogram, which was just starting to be made a normal part of prenatal appointments at that time, and the doctor told me again right in front of him and that was the end of my heels…your father laid down the law and took great pleasure in throwing my shoes into a box and taping it shut."

"Damn," Kate muttered; "I hadn't heard anyone mention that."

"Yeah; it's a nasty little surprise," her mother remarked; "I was very unhappy."

"I don't blame you."

"Your father thought buying me three new pairs of flats would ease the pain but it didn't…especially in light of his glee of throwing my shoes in a box."

"I'm surprised you didn't hurt him."

"I thought about it but I was afraid I'd knock him out so I just sat in bed and watched, narrating to you how terrible your father was; I'm sure your kicks were signs of agreement."

"Definitely," her daughter replied. "Talk about cruelty."

"I know, right? All the hormones and throwing up and crying jags, food cravings and then you lose your favorite shoes…in the name of safety and comfort of course, but still…it kind of hits you where it hurts."

"I'm glad you warned me; I'll try to prepare in advance," Kate told her.

"We'll go shoe shopping sometime soon and start your pregnancy collection," Johanna remarked. "But for now, look at these cute baby shoes," she said, grabbing a pair of pink sparkly shoes that would fit in the palm of your hand. "Your baby is going to need these."

"Unless it's a boy…and then he's not going to want pink sparkly shoes."

"It's a girl…and as soon as it's confirmed, I'm buying these," Johanna declared; "And probably the red ones too, they look like ruby slippers; oh my God, they have them in purple too…we'll just get a pair in every color."

"Look at these socks," Kate said, picking up a tiny pair, allowing herself to turn a bit mushy as she gushed over them. "They look like little ballet slippers."

Johanna nodded. "She's going to need those too…and those little black patent leather shoes with the bow on them, they are precious."

"Oh, Mom," she breathed as she turned to another rack; "They've got little boots…look at them."

Johanna's gaze found the row of small black boots, all equally adorable and so fitting for her grandchild given that its mother and grandmother adored boots. "We're going to have to buy them all," she stated.

"I want them all," Kate said with a nod.

"See, that's why we have to have a girl….that's why it will be a girl; because the universe would not tease us with little tiny baby girl boots and not give us a little girl to wear them."

"I don't know what's happening to me," Kate said; "Now all I'm going to think about is little baby boots."

"I told you, you're a mommy…and now cute baby shoes will make you mushy."

"This is really going to hurt my image," she mused out loud.

Johanna shook her head. "No; you'll hide it at work."

"I can do that."

"Problem solved; oh there's a table of onesies; I love those, they always have cute little sayings."

"You're making a shopping list in your mind, aren't you?" Kate asked.

"Yes," Johanna replied as they stepped up to the table. "It's part of my fun as the grandmother."

"Are you going to let the baby call you Grandma or are you going to think up some other name like other women do?"

Johanna wrinkled her nose. "No, I'm not going to make up some other name. I'm the grandmother, she'll call me Grandma…just like I called my grandmother Grandma; you called my mother Grandma and when you were little, you called Elizabeth Grammy because it was less confusing for you that way, and it was a term you started calling her on your own; it wasn't one she gave you."

"Just checking," Kate replied. "What about Dad; what term do you think he'll prefer?"

"Probably Grandpa, because that's what he called his grandfather and that's what you called your grandfathers."

"He'll be happy?"

Johanna smiled. "I promise you that your father will be thrilled; why are you worried?"

"I don't know, honestly. I guess I remember how hard some things were for him when I hit certain milestones growing up…I know he loves me, but I just want him to be happy to be a grandfather."

"He will be; he'll be so happy…I told you we were discussing it the other night; he said it would be nice for us to have a grandbaby. We're ready for the job; we have the plans to rearrange furniture so everything is ready when it's time for me to babysit…because I'm babysitting…right?"

"Yes, Mom; you're babysitting."

"Good, because we'd have a problem if I wasn't."

"Oh I know, and I don't even want to think about that kind of problem," she laughed. "But…I do want you to watch the baby while I'm at work…but what about your job?"

"I told you before; I'll switch to Tuesdays and Thursdays; I'll still be done by afternoon if I'd need to take over from someone. Maybe Martha would want those mornings…my concern was if Rick is going to stop going to work with you…because I feel a little better knowing he's with you; it helps keep my worries at a lower level."

"No; we've talked about that…I still want him with me and he still wants to be there too; he's my partner and a lot of things he gets for the books come from being on the job with me. So we figured that he would go a few days a week; like the days you're not working; and then the days you have the baby he can come with me. There are of course times when he stays home for a few days to write, but he'll probably want you to take the baby for a few hours so he can do that without having to stop so often; so those would probably be half days; unless I'm off on some of those days…I'm making it sound like I'm never going to be there," she said, a small amount of tension seeping into her body as she thought about juggling baby and job.

Johanna laid a soothing hand against her back. "Relax, Katie," she said softly; "We both know it's not like that. You were with babysitters five days a week before you went to school; with the exception of vacations, sick days, snow days and the few months between law firms. Sometimes I felt bad about it too; but I was home with you as much as I could be and I think we were pretty close, don't you?"

"Yeah; I do…I knew I was loved and that you wanted to be with me but that you had to go to work during the day."

"And your baby will know the same thing, I promise. I was only asking about the babysitting because you know I've been looking forward to it and I know I'm probably in a better position to provide it than Martha because she has her school to run and she's still doing plays and has rehearsals which don't wrap up within an hour. I'm sure she'll take her turns, but I can have a better schedule for you both to work with…and I wanted to know Rick would still be with you a good bit because like I said, it makes me feel better to know he's with you. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't; I understand why you'd feel that way about Rick being with me…it just suddenly sounded like I wasn't going to be around a lot and I know that's not true…I guess it's one of those, overly emotional things creeping up on me again."

Johanna rubbed her back. "It'll be fine; you'll find a balance with it all…but I'm telling you now, it takes some time, Katie. I've been there…it's hard when you first go back to work and it takes some time to figure out how to juggle it all and not feel like you've cheated one thing or another. It'll all work out, but you have to be patient when the time comes."

She gave in to the urge to hug her mother. "I'm glad you'll be there with me…to help me know these things are okay…I know Rick would tell me they were and he'll help me; but some things are going to be better coming from you because you have first hand experience."

"That's true; and I'm here for you, for both of you, whether he believes that or not."

"You can hit him with your purse if you need to drive home a point," Kate said, forcing herself to blink back tears.

"Don't tempt me," she laughed as she released her. "But don't worry, no matter what, everything will be fine…now forget those worries and look at the cute onesies."

"I love you," Kate murmured.

Johanna smiled. "I love you too…and I love this one," she said, patting her daughter's stomach. "Nickname to be determined later."

"You've got so much to do," she quipped; "A shopping list and a nickname, rearranging your work schedule when the time comes."

"I don't mind a bit…oh look at this one, I'm buying this one today," Johanna declared; holding up a black onesie that had a moon and stars on it and written in fancy silver script were the words 'My Grandma Loves Me to the Moon and Back'.

"I thought we were just looking," Kate replied.

"We are; we're looking, and I've found something to purchase…oh, I'm going to have to buy this one too," she stated; holding up a mint green onesie that said 'If Mommy says No, Ask Grandma'.

She smiled. "It's probably too soon to be buying onesies."

"It would only be too soon if you weren't pregnant," Johanna declared; "I've got to get this one too; its says Grandpa loves me; we can't have him feeling left out."

"Oh of course not…although I have a feeling he better sit down to open the bills in the coming months."

"Don't worry, I'll beat him to the mailbox."

"You have before."

'True; and I can not leave here without this onesie, look at it."

Kate smiled as she read the quote on the white onesie her mother had picked up. "That is perfect…you might need to come back and buy that in several sizes."

"No problem, I will," Johanna replied.

"How long did you wait before you bought stuff for me?"

Johanna smiled wistfully. "Honestly, I bought you something before you were conceived."

"Really?"

"Yes," she replied; thinking of the baby booties she had bought during a pregnancy scare before she and Jim had gotten engaged. "I'll tell you about it at home…I'll show you."

"Okay," Kate said with a small smile; her breath catching at the sight of a onesie she couldn't resist. "Oh, Mom; look at this one," she said picking up a newborn sized white onesie that said Mommy Loves Me and had a row of little elephants beneath the words.

"It's white, it's gender neutral…you should buy it," Johanna told her with a smile. "It's cute."

"But isn't it too soon?"

"For furniture, we'll say yes…for a little onesie, no. Get it, it'll be fine. I'm buying onesies," she said, picking up another one that bore the words 'I'm Telling Grandma'. "Wear that one on the baby when Rick has it on his own," she teased.

Kate laughed, clutching the onesie she had chosen. "I will; it'll make him think."

They browsed awhile longer and then moved to the front of the store, making their purchases and putting a hold and a deposit on the bassinet that Kate had picked out. "Where to next?" Johanna asked once they were outside.

"How about we head home so we can tell Dad…and you can tell me what you bought me before I was conceived."

Her mother smiled. "Good idea; let's head home, we've had a good celebration."

Kate smiled as they made their way to the car; it had been a good celebration…and despite her emotions being all over the map, she felt warm and loved; even happier than she had been now that she had gotten to share her secret with her mother.

* * *

"Jim," Johanna called out as she and Kate stepped into the entryway.

"In the living room," he answered; "Consoling your cat."

Johanna shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on the hook before carrying her purse and shopping bag into the living room. Scarlett jumped down from Jim's lap at the sight of her owner, meowing and hurrying towards her. Johanna gave her a quick loving pat and then perched on the arm of Jim's chair, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I was starting to worry," he admitted. "I haven't heard from you since you sent the text saying you and Katie had left."

"I'm sorry, I forgot to check in," Johanna replied, a smile clinging to her lips. "But I have a good reason."

A smile tugged at his lips. "Shopping haze?" he asked, nodding at the bag she had sat on the coffee table.

"Better."

"How much did 'better' cost?"

"Not a thing; look what we're getting," she said, excitement in her voice as she handed him the sonogram picture.

Jim took the picture from her hand and studied it for a moment. "I thought you said that ship had sailed and wasn't coming back?"

"It's not mine!" she said giving his shoulder a smack as their daughter struggled not to laugh.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Well then maybe you'll also be glad to hear that this little tiny baby," she said pointing to the image in his hand, "Is our grandchild."

A smile broke across Jim's face, his gaze seeking out his daughter. "Really?"

"Yeah," Kate replied. "Are you okay with getting promoted to grandfather?"

"Of course I am," he answered as he got up from his chair to pull her into a hug. "It's wonderful news, Katie. Is everything alright, you're both healthy?"

"Yes, we're fine," she answered, hugging him tightly.

"Good…when will the baby be here?"

"The doctor moved my due date up a few days today at the sonogram appointment, which is where I took Mom and why she forgot to text you; the baby's due May 13th now."

"That should be around Mother's Day," he commented as he released her. "That would be fitting for you and your mother."

"It's a gift she couldn't return," she quipped.

"Not that she'd want to," Jim remarked as he wrapped an arm around his wife. "I guess we were off in our discussion of the evidence last night; we must've missed something."

"She finally got one over on us," Johanna replied.

"We'll call that the sad note of today," he jested. "We must be slipping."

"We won't let it happen again," his wife replied; "But she was worried you wouldn't be happy."

"Why wouldn't I be happy, Princess?" Jim asked. "I want you to have a family of your own…I want you to experience the torment like I did."

"Mom's already cursed me, Dad," she said with a smirk.

Jim pressed a kiss against Johanna's head. "Good girl."

"It had to be done…my mother did it to me."

"The torch must be passed," he stated; "But honestly, Katie; I'm happy for you and Rick…I'm happy for us too, we're looking forward to being grandparents…I'm guessing your mother started shopping as soon as you left the doctor office."

"That's not true," Johanna replied; "We had cupcakes first."

"Pink cupcakes," Kate added.

"Is it a girl?" he asked with a smile as he looked at the sonogram again.

"No, your wife is just determined that will be."

"Well, she was right before…you're a girl."

"It's been mentioned," his daughter remarked. "And you've already bought me a gift…in a way; it's on hold."

"Really?" Jim said, his gaze falling to Johanna. "What gift did we purchase?"

"While we were browsing in a baby store, we were talking about how I was so glad to have a bassinet when she was a baby and she said she wanted one too so I told her that when she found one she wanted, we would get it as a gift for her and the baby. She saw one she loved but she doesn't want any furniture bought until she's past the first trimester, which I understand, so the store said they would hold one if I put down a small deposit."

Jim nodded. "I think that's a good gift…but are you sure about whichever one you picked out, Katie? Don't you want to look around more?"

"No, I really like the one we saw today…it has baby elephants on it."

He smiled, knowing that she and Johanna had a fondness for elephants. "Then that's the one you'll have, we'll make sure of it."

"Look what else we got," Johanna said, grabbing her shopping bag and pulling out the onesies to show him. "Why does only one acknowledge me and the others are you?" he asked.

"It just worked out that way," she replied; "That was the only one I saw that could be for either gender that said anything about grandfathers, but don't worry, I'm sure I'll find more online."

"There goes the credit card balance," Jim said with a laugh.

"Sorry, Dad," Kate said lightly.

He pulled her into another hug. "Oh that's alright; it's our first grandchild…it has to be spoiled and I wouldn't dare infringe on your mother's need to shop for it."

"That's good of you."

He grinned. "She'd starve me if I said otherwise; you know your mother is big on kitchen warfare."

Johanna smirked at him. "Watch it, Grandpa."

Jim tweaked her side. "Maybe we'll teach the baby to call you Grandma Sassy."

"I wouldn't be offended if that's what you're hoping."

"I figured that," he replied.

"Maybe we'll just let the baby decide what to call you both," Kate quipped.

"I feel like something's being implied," Jim remarked as he glanced at his wife. "I'm not sure we want to know what it is."

"Probably not. You should've heard what she said earlier."

"What?"

"She asked if we were going to get a new hobby now that we're grandparents…in place of one of our other hobbies."

"Which one?" he asked with suspicion.

"Our favorite one."

Jim shook his head. "We're not giving that up until we absolutely have to…and that day isn't in sight."

"That's what I told her."

He glanced at his daughter, teasing in his gaze as he shook his head. "How dare you try to deny us part of life's happiness."

Kate laughed. "I don't think you have to worry, Dad; she said 'hell no' when I asked. Apparently it proves to her that she's not old so I wouldn't dare suggest she give up anything that proves to her that her age is just a number."

Jim pressed a kiss against Johanna's temple. "You cursed her as well as your mother cursed you, right?"

"Definitely," she answered with a nod.

Their daughter smirked at them both and then gave her attention to her mother. "Weren't you going to show me what you bought me before I was conceived?"

"Yes," she said rising from the arm of the chair and taking her hand. "Come with me."

"Is this our copy?" Jim called after them, holding up the sonogram.

"That's your copy, Dad; Mom has her own," Kate answered, smiling as she saw the soft smile of his own on his lips.

"Good, I'll put it on my desk."

Kate and Johanna were quiet as they moved upstairs and then down the hallway to the door that lead to the attic. Johanna opened the door and turned on the light before they climbed the stairs.

"I still like your little reading nook/library you have up here," Kate said as she drifted to the far corner of the right hand side of the attic and settled down in the white wingback chair.

"Me too," Johanna replied from the other side of the attic. "When your father has his friends over to watch sports games, Scarlett and I retreat up here for peace of mind."

"I should retreat here once in awhile," her daughter replied.

"Anytime you want, come on over…I'll even get another chair."

"Beckett women hideaway," Kate quipped.

"Exactly," she replied as she carried a pink storage tote across the attic and sat it down on the rug as she sat down on the lid of her sturdy old trunk. Johanna pulled the lid off the tote and smiled as she reached for a wrapped object. "Here's something you'll remember," she said, unwrapping the object.

"Bunny," Kate said with a smile as she saw her well loved pink bunny that her grandfather had given her when she was a baby.

"I told you I kept it," her mother said as she rewrapped it.

"I'm glad; I loved Bunny."

"I know you did; and your grandfather made a special visit on his own to deliver it to you," Johanna remarked; recalling the day she had opened the door and found her father on the porch, gift bag in hand. "Here's the little sleeper Elizabeth gave me that you wore home from the hospital. It's hard to believe you were that tiny, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Kate replied as she took the small sleeper from her mother's hands and studied it. "Do you think my baby will be this size?"

"Probably," her mother answered. "Babies in our family tend to be in the seven pound range but I'm not really sure if heredity plays into birth weight, if it does, it'll depend on if it gets that gene from you or Rick; any idea what he weighed when he was born?"

"I think I remember Martha saying he was eight pounds and there were ounces but I forget how many…but boys might be bigger than girls, right?"

"Honestly, honey, I don't really know the full science of that. I know my brother was bigger than me and my sister. I also know that Elizabeth told me that your father was eight pounds seven ounces. You were seven pounds six ounces and I was seven pounds five ounces. So I'd say your baby will probably fall between seven and eight pounds; that's usually the average weight."

Kate nodded as she handed the sleeper back. "I think I'll hope for seven; eight seems like it might hurt more."

Johanna laughed. "Well, that could be true, but since I only had one, I can't tell you for sure. Here's the sweater you wore home, my mother got you that; and Grandma Sophia got you the little hat you wore. I wrapped you up in this blanket," she said, her hand falling against a crocheted baby blanket. "Grandma Lilly made that."

"Grandma Lilly had a long life; she was special."

"She was," Johanna agreed. "She made it past her hundredth birthday…and I know they said she passed due to natural causes, but I still say it was losing Robert that did her in."

"Yeah…it happened pretty soon after we lost Grandpa."

"It did…she couldn't bear it; but enough of that, we're having happy thoughts today," she remarked as she finally found the baggie that held a pair of small white booties that had multi-colored blocks that spelled out BABY on the sides. "I bought these for you before you were conceived," Johanna stated, as she pulled them from the baggie.

"How long before?"

"Well…I bought them in October of 1976."

"1976," Kate repeated. "I was born in November of 79…that's three years."

She nodded. "I know."

"Why did you buy them?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "When I bought them, I thought I might be pregnant. I was getting the results that day and I was scared and yet I had already convinced myself that there was a baby there and that I loved it and I'd work everything out as it came. I went into a baby boutique while wandering the city until it was time for my appointment and I found these…and I just had to buy them. They were in my purse when I found out I wasn't pregnant. I was relieved in a way…but I was also very sad; I felt like I had lost something that hadn't even been there to begin with."

"That must've been hard for you."

"It was…and when I finally told your father everything, because I didn't tell him my suspicions, but he got fed up with my strange mood and disappearing act that week and demanded the truth. We fought…but when he finally came back and we talked, I showed him these booties and told him how I had felt and that I'd have to take them back. He told me I couldn't; he said they were for our baby, we had to keep them, we'd need them some day. So I kept them…and even though I put that sleeper on you to wear home from the hospital, I still slipped these booties on your feet over the sleeper and you wore them home. You wore them a few other times as well, but what mattered most to me was that you wore them for your homecoming."

Katie smiled as she held one of the booties. "They're so small."

"Yeah, they are…there's nothing cuter than tiny little baby feet," Johanna remarked. "But that's the gift I bought you…three years too early, but your father promised me we'd have a baby who'd wear them…and we did. They're a symbol of a promise kept…and also that I waited for you."

Her daughter's smile wobbled and then tears broke free. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm scared," Kate whispered.

"Of what?"

Her tearful eyes met her mother's. "What if I'm not cut out for this? What if I'm no good at it?"

"Oh, honey; you don't need to worry; you're going to do just fine. You're going to be a great mommy."

"How can you be so sure?" she cried. "I mean…I'm not exactly the warmest person in the world."

"Katie," Johanna said, her hand falling to her daughter's knee. "That's not true; you're warm and loving…and I know you already love your baby, I could see it on your face and hear it in your voice as you looked at it on that screen today. I don't believe I was seeing things, was I?"

"No, I do love it already."

"Alright then, you're already off to a good start, you love your baby. Are you taking care of yourself so that you'll have a healthy pregnancy? Have you cut out the caffeine; are you eating regularly, being alert to the things going on in your body?"

"Yeah, I'm doing all of that."

"Then you're already taking care of your baby. Earlier you were talking about worrying about hearing her cries; discussing the baby monitors you'd want, asking how long you can safely use a bassinet. Those are all questions a good mother asks."

"Yeah; but what about when I said I didn't want put on a desk yet; you said it wasn't being selfish but it feels like it is."

"It's not selfish, Katie; you're just going through adjustments. Elizabeth Beckett called me selfish because I gave you formula instead of breastfeeding you; but it was the choice that felt right for me…I didn't want to worry about leaking or pumping enough milk all the time. Do you think I was selfish for that decision?"

"No; it's not like you did something that hurt me. A lot of kids take formula and I was pretty healthy, still am…but I'd like to discuss that topic further one day when I'm further along," Kate said as she swiped at her cheeks.

"We can do that," Johanna told her. "Are you on the fence about the idea?"

"Yeah…I'm probably going to feel selfish about that too…and about any possible judgments about what I decide."

"Katie, as long as you do what's comfortable for you, it'll be the right decision. If you're comfortable with whichever option you pick, your baby will be comfortable too. We can definitely talk more about it though when you want to, you just say the word, okay?"

"Okay."

"What else is worrying you?"

"What if I mess up?" she cried. "What if I make a mistake?"

Johanna smiled. "We all make mistakes along the way, baby; none of us are perfect parents. When you were a month old, I was so afraid you'd be cold when I took you out that I overdressed you, wrapped you in blankets and had the heat on full blast in the car. By the time we got to my mother's, you were overheated and miserable. I cried while your grandmother tended to you; I felt like the worst mother in the world…but my mother told me it was an easy mistake to make and that no real harm was done, just to be more careful and not so afraid of a little air touching you…and most of all, to relax and not be so hard on myself. It's not an easy job, Katie; but you've always tackled every challenge that came your way; you won't be defeated by a little baby. You'll make little mistakes, but it's okay…and if there's something you're not sure about, you can call and ask me. If there's something you and Rick don't agree on that has to do with tending to the baby, you can call and I'll give you a second opinion."

Kate sniffled a little. "I'm just…worried about everything."

Her mother patted her knee. "Welcome to motherhood; the worries kick in as soon as the results are read; but maternal instincts will kick in too, you'll see. Everything you're feeling is normal; all new mothers are scared."

"But you've always been good with babies…and I've always been nervous around them."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "Let me tell you, I did a lot of babysitting and felt comfortable with babies…but when it came to having my own; I was terrified of you. My hands shook as I dressed you to bring you home; I was worried if I didn't get everything on right they might not let me keep you. No matter how much experience you have, you're still nervous when it's your own. You did some babysitting of your own though in your teenage years."

"Yeah; but Mark and Cathy's little girls were four and five when I started watching them; I never took any sitting jobs that involved a baby, I was too nervous."

"I know," her mother replied; "But it'll be fine, you'll see."

"I hope so."

Johanna smiled. "I know so," she said, her gaze dropping to the bootie she still held. "I'd like to see my grandchild wear these…I think it would be nice for it to wear something its mommy wore when she was a baby."

Kate nodded. 'It would be."

"Then you take them home and when the time comes, maybe your baby can wear them home from the hospital."

"I'd like that," she replied, wiping away a stray tear; 'But would you hang on to them until then? I'm afraid I'd lose them and I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of that."

"I'll take them downstairs and put them in one of my dresser drawers, and then when it's time for you and the baby to go home from the hospital, I'll bring them to you."

"Okay," she said as she tried to get herself under control.

Johanna rose and moved toward her, drawing her into a makeshift hug. "It's going to be fine."

"I just want to be a good mother like you've always been," Kate said, her tears soaking through her mother's thin sweater as her head rested against her.

"You will be, Katie," Jim said as he stepped into the attic. "You had a good teacher, and she's still a good teacher. You're not going to have to do anything alone."

"He's right," Johanna remarked; "You're not alone; you have your husband, you have us, you'll have Alexis and Martha; you'll have your friends, you have an aunt and uncle, you have cousins who have children and wouldn't be afraid to offer advice if you asked for it. You're going to have a big support system…and you need to know that you can't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I know that's hard for you sometimes, but you'll have to get past it…because there will be times when you need help. There will be times when you and Rick need a break, and don't hesitate to call us to come get the baby so you can have some time to regroup, okay?"

"Okay," she murmured.

"We're here for you, Katie," Jim said as he moved closer. "Anything you need, all you have to do is ask. I know Rick has to go on book tours at times, if you'd feel nervous about staying with the baby on your own, you can come stay with us, it wouldn't be a problem and no one would think less of you for it."

"He's right about that too," Johanna said.

"Being a grandmother must agree with your mother," Jim quipped. "She hasn't declared me right so many times in years."

The comment was just what their daughter needed and she laughed as she continued to hug her mother. Johanna gave Jim a wink and played along with him. "Don't get used to it, you'll be wrong again before the week is over."

Kate reluctantly pulled away from her mother. "I love you both, you know?"

"We know," her mother said; "We love you too; and we love our grandchild."

"This would be the part where Castle would ask about himself," Kate replied with a laugh.

Her mother smiled. "We love him too…it's just that he makes it difficult sometimes."

"That's true," Kate said; "But he'd probably say the same about me."

"I'm sure he's probably said it about all of us; but it's okay…all that matters is that this baby is loved; and we already know it is," Johanna remarked. "Everything's going to be fine, you'll see."

Kate nodded, for the first time in a long time, she truly believed that.

* * *

"There you are," Castle said as Kate walked into the loft later on that evening. "I was just getting ready to call you, I was worried."

"I'm sorry; I guess Mom and I kind of got caught up in the moments as they came."

He smiled. "It's alright; before we get to the Johanna part, tell me everything about the appointment."

Kate sat her two shopping bags on the counter and then pulled a copy of the sonogram from her purse. "Here's our baby," she murmured, excitement glimmering in her eyes even as shyness touched her voice.

Castle's smile widened as he accepted the image. "It's already adorable; we're going to have the cutest baby on the planet."

"I think so too," she agreed with a grin.

"Is everything okay with it?"

She nodded. "The doctor said the development and size are on track and normal for this stage. She did move my due date up from May 18th to May 13th; she thinks I'm a little further along than she originally thought."

"That's great," her husband said enthusiastically; "The sooner the better."

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to push it out," Kate quipped.

"But I'll be there while you do it."

She smiled and then remembered the recording on her phone. "Oh, I almost forgot," she said, plucking her phone from her purse. "Mom recorded the heartbeat for you."

Surprise lit up his face. "She did?"

"Yeah; she said you should hear it even though you didn't get to be there, she knows you wanted to be, and she owed you one."

"For what?"

"I'm assuming for telling me it was fine to take her with me to the appointment."

"Play it for me," he said with a nod at the phone.

Kate played the recording, the conversation between her and Johanna about it leading off and then there was the uninterrupted whoosing sound of the heartbeat, and she smiled, allowing the sound to saturate her mind once again.

"That's got to be one of the most beautiful sounds in the world," Castle remarked; moisture glimmering in his eyes.

Kate caught his lips in a kiss. "I couldn't agree more."

"I'll have to thank her for thinking of that; it was very sweet of her,' he remarked; his voice taunt with emotion. "How did she take the news?"

His wife smiled brightly. "She's on cloud nine; there was crying and hugging and then the 'why didn't you tell me!' but she forgives you for your role in that."

"That's good to know," he said with a laugh.

"She cried even more when she saw the baby on the screen…but I cried a little too," she admitted. "We had celebratory cupcakes; she ordered pink ones because she's sure it's a girl."

He laughed quietly. "I guess all grandmas want a granddaughter."

"Most likely…we had more crying; we cried a lot when you get down to it."

"I'm not really surprised," he said; "But I'm sure it was happy crying."

"It was…and she's being very supportive and has started answering all those questions I wanted her opinion on."

Castle wrapped his arms around her. "Does that make you feel better now?"

"Yes; honestly it does…it makes me feel a little more settled."

"Good; I'm glad to hear that…I'm glad you decided to tell her this week. Was it everything you hoped for?"

"Oh yeah; it was wonderful…and she renewed the curse for me to have a daughter just like me or worse and then convinced me we should go look at baby stuff. They're buying us a bassinet, I hope you don't mind…I saw one I really liked and she wanted to make it a gift from her and Dad. I told her I didn't want to get furniture until after the first trimester so she put down a deposit and they're holding one. I didn't want to deny them that after all the things we denied them with the wedding; I hope that's alright?"

"It is," Castle stated, brushing a kiss against lips as she pulled back from him to gauge his reaction. "I wouldn't deny them the right to give their grandchild something and a bassinet is something we'll need in addition to the crib."

"I'm glad you feel that way," she admitted.

"I'm not going to hurt their feelings that way again, Kate. When we denied them the right to help with the wedding, we took a little bit of their pride and maybe we can give it back this way."

Kate stole another kiss and then opened up one of the shopping bags. "She bought onesies," she said, showing him the first three and then grinning as she pulled out the fourth. "This is my favorite one, I told her we need it in several sizes."

"Don't drop me, my Grandma is a lawyer," Castle read aloud from the onesie. "That's perfect, I love that…we definitely want that in several sizes."

"She'll probably be out getting them tomorrow."

"Did you remind her about lunch with me tomorrow?"

"No, I forgot…like I said, we were caught up in the moments."

"That's alright," he smiled, enjoying the sight of her excitement, the glow surrounding her. "I'll send her a text. What's in the other bag?"

She smiled a little sheepishly. "I kept saying it was too soon to buy things but I saw this and I had to have it…and apparently my mother is a bad influence on me," she laughed as she pulled the onesie she had chosen from the bag.

"Mommy Loves Me," Castle read aloud. "That's adorable, Kate."

"I know I should've waited…but I couldn't resist it."

He kissed her. "I don't blame you for buying it; it's just a onesie…but where's one that says Daddy?"

Kate glanced at him, that sheepish smile on her lips once more. "I…well…it was just kind of a mommy day and I didn't think about it, but I'll get you one next time, I promise."

Castle laughed. "I know, I was just teasing…I'm glad you had a mommy day…or rather, a mommy and grandma day. Did you tell your father?"

"I let Mom tell him but I was there, he's happy for us and happy to be a grandfather."

"Good; I'm glad they're happy and that you feel better now that they know."

She smiled as she buried herself in his arms. "I feel like everything's going to be okay."

Castle held her tightly, nuzzling her hair. "I'll make sure of it, I promise…we're going to be a happy family again just like we wanted."

 _A/N: Next chapter is the next lunch among other things._


	18. Chapter 18

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews; sorry for the delay. I really did intend to get back to this story long before now but the disaster of my Halloween story kind of put me off writing for awhile; which is why I jumped into my Christmas story when the idea came to mind. Thanks for your patience and understanding. Also, there are some elements from the episode Belly of the Beast mentioned in this chapter; I have taken some liberties with the details of that episode so please remember that before typing 'you got it wrong' in the review box._

Chapter 18

The next afternoon, Castle sat in the restaurant waiting on his mother-in-law somewhat impatiently. It was five minutes after twelve; she was late…again. He hated waiting and he couldn't help wondering if she delayed her arrivals purposely just to annoy him. Knowing Johanna, that was highly possible. She probably had to get her kicks somehow as retaliation for making her do this every week. He sighed; for some reason he had thought that the news of her promotion to grandmother might inspire her to be on time today…that somehow things would be different now that she knew their biggest secret. But thinking that the news would make her different somehow meant that his lunch campaign would've been for nothing…after all, he had started it to make things better before the news was revealed because he had wanted to earn that difference on his own merit and not just because he had participated in giving the woman a grandchild.

And yet he had spent the last several hours somewhat convinced that things had changed and would be different now that she knew about the baby. But clearly nothing was different because she was now six minutes late. Castle blew out a breath, so much for a magical transformation, he thought as he reached for his phone. Before he could find her number, he caught sight of Johanna as she walked past the window on her way to the door.

Johanna swept into the restaurant, pulling off her sunglasses as she made her way to the booth where her son-in-law waited.

"Why are you always late?" Castle asked as he met her eye while she shrugged out of her coat.

"I'm not always late," Johanna replied as she sat down.

"Nine times out of ten, you're late," he remarked.

"I'm sorry," she said as glanced at her watch; "But I'm not even a full ten minutes late so I don't really see the problem. Even Jim gives me a ten minute grace period."

"Late is late."

"You didn't have to wait," she replied while putting her sunglasses in her purse. "You could've left at 12:02 if you wanted."

"Why can't you just be on time?" Castle asked.

"If I'm late, it's because something delayed me that I had no control over. I'm here now so relax."

'Why can't you pick up a phone when you're going to be late?" he questioned. "You could at least text."

"I don't text and drive; that's dangerous."

'You text Jim every location you go to."

"Yes; I do…as soon as I've parked the car and turned it off. I'm a responsible driver."

"Except for when you're speeding."

"I don't speed as much as I used to; and besides, I don't have to answer to you. You're not my husband," Johanna remarked.

"Thank God," he muttered.

"I thank God enough for both of us," she responded. "If you didn't feel up to doing this today, you could've just canceled. I would've gone on and finished my errands."

"No; I just get annoyed when I'm waiting on someone who is late."

"Oh my God; what is your problem today?" she asked. "Did you get booted out of the precinct because of a classified case or something?"

"No."

"Is your wife neglecting you?"

"No."

"Is your daughter not telling you every single thing in her life again? Because she doesn't have to at her age."

"No," Castle replied.

"Your mother is driving you crazy?"

"No; my mother-in-law and her chronic lateness."

Johanna smiled. "If I'm always late as you claim, then you should automatically expect me ten minutes past the appointed time…which would mean that I'm on time in the big scheme of things."

"Or you could just show up on time."

Johanna sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, okay? I was in line at a store and the woman who was ahead of the person in front of me, had trouble with her credit card and it took several minutes to resolve before the line could move forward. Next time, I will just drop my items on the floor, race to my car and speed the whole way here so that I will be here on the exact stroke of twelve. Or better yet, I won't run my errands before lunch anymore so you don't have to sit there looking like you're sucking on a lemon."

Castle released a breath. "Did it ever occur to you that when you're late, people worry…given your past history."

"Do you have to bring up my so called 'past history' every time you see me?" she asked. "Christ, I manage to put it behind me and you're always there trying to shove it back in my face like I'm going to forget. Well I haven't forgotten and I know people worry about me, that's why I allow my husband to track my phone. I swear, the next time I'm a second late, I will notify you even if I have to pull over to do it; but seven minutes isn't a big deal. If you're so worried, why didn't you ring my phone?"

"I was about to when I saw you walk by the window."

"If you were really concerned, you would've called after five minutes."

Castle closed his eyes for a moment, trying to dial back the situation that he had admittedly created by jumping her case as soon as she got to the table. "Okay, let's just stop that line of conversation. I'm sorry; you're right, I'm not your husband, you don't have to answer to me about what you were doing that delayed you…but I would appreciate notice if you are running behind because people do worry. I don't want to have to call Kate and tell her that I don't know where you are because you didn't show up. I'm sure that would bring back bad memories for her and that's the last thing she needs at this moment, don't you think."

Johanna shook her head. "You just did it again."

"It's hard not to bring up your past, Johanna."

"No, actually it isn't…I get through many occasions without people bringing up my past. It always seems to be you who does it. You talk about me not getting past things…seems like you can't get past a few yourself."

"I thought we were stopping this conversation," Castle said.

"By all means."

The waiter appeared at their table and took their order, promising to be back with the drinks in a minute.

"So," Castle said as the silence stretched out between them.

"So?"

He breathed deeply and smiled. "You're going to be a grandmother."

Johanna smiled. "I am. Are you ready for your second trip through fatherhood."

"No sweat," he replied. "I'm prepared."

Johanna laughed. "Honey, do you realize how long it's been since you've had to take care of a newborn? I mean of course you don't forget things you've learned but its been awhile and you're older now. You might want to be prepared to be more tired than you remember."

"I'm not worried."

"Yeah; I'll check back with you on that around the six week mark after the baby is here…and don't worry; I'll take the baby home with me so you and Katie can take a nap."

"It's good to know that you've got plans."

"Yeah; you can also plan on me laughing and saying I told you so as I buckle the baby into her carseat."

"We don't know it's a girl, Johanna."

"It's a girl," she said with confidence.

"What makes you so sure?"

"I'm the grandmother, I know these things."

"I guess we'll see," he said lightly.

"I guess we will. You're probably hoping for a boy though since you already have a girl."

"I'm fine with either," he replied.

"I know you'll be fine with either; but men usually want sons."

"Did Jim want a son?"

"Oh he was sure Katie was a boy…or at least he tried to convince himself during the whole pregnancy."

"Was he disappointed?"

"God no," she laughed. "He was wrapped around her finger as soon as he laid eyes on her."

"Why didn't you have more children?" Castle asked.

Johanna shrugged. "I guess it just wasn't in the cards for us. We didn't do anything to prevent another pregnancy after Katie was a few years old but it just didn't happen. I felt complete though once we had Katie…and according to my husband, he was happy with just one and I believe that. Even before we got married he told me two was his limit."

"Even though you were content with just one; do you ever wish there had been another one?"

"Yes; but that's usually when my daughter is unhappy with me and ignoring my calls."

"I see," he replied as their drinks arrived along with the promise that their meals would be ready soon.

"Jim and I will be happy to accept any number of grandchildren though," Johanna remarked.

"We'll keep that in mind. Thank you for recording the heartbeat at Kate's appointment; I did appreciate that."

"You're welcome; thank you for allowing me to go to her appointment since you were unable."

"No problem."

"So," Johanna said; "Since I know your big secret does that mean this lunch thing can end now?"

"No; we still have work to do, don't you think?"

"No, I think you could've saved yourself a lot of money and just let Katie call me as soon as the lines appeared on the stick."

He smiled. "Somehow I knew I wasn't going to get off the hook for the 'don't tell your mother yet' thing."

"Yeah," Johanna said with a smile of her own. "Don't do that again."

"I had good intentions."

"I'll always be happier with the good news than being made a project, Rick."

"I just wanted to make things better before you found out that way it would be a natural thing and not a baby induced thing."

"Rick; it's no secret that sometimes babies settle things in a family. My mother-in-law hated me…and then I gave her a granddaughter and things settled for the most part. Liz and I had many happy moments together once Katie was in our lives. We still had our battles at times; but for the most part, Katie kept things calm between us. My father and I didn't get along all that well as you know…but once Katie was born, things settled…there wasn't as much blatant discord; and what discord we did have was more muted and kept away from her…but she was common ground for us. He loved her to pieces and wanted to be in her life and I wanted him to be in her life so we learned to keep our differences at a minimum for her sake."

"I understand that babies can unify a family…but I just feel like it's better if things are worked out before a baby arrives…because if you wait until after, it seems like the people involved are only doing it because they want to be involved in the baby's life…and not necessarily the lives of the people they have discord with."

"That's not true," Johanna replied. "Just because my father and I didn't get along doesn't mean that he wasn't involved in my life before Katie was born because he was. He demanded to meet my fiancé, questioned him like he was on trial and deemed him good enough for me. He paid for my education, encouraged me to pursue the law; he paid for my wedding and gave me no restrictions. He walked me down the aisle, gave me away and indulged in my need to prolong the father daughter dance by having them play the song twice. When I was in labor, he was in the waiting room with my mother and didn't leave until he had gotten a look at Katie through the nursery window and had been assured that I was fine and had no complications. He then came back later that day, by himself, when he was supposed to be at work, to check on me and see his granddaughter."

'There are exceptions of course," Castle replied. "But I think we still have work to do…I don't want to go through life thinking you're only being nice to me so you can have continued access to your grandchildren."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Believe me, Rick; if I have a big enough problem with you, I'll let you know regardless of our family situation."

"Yeah; I don't really doubt that…but I don't want to feel like there's an air of fakeness just because there's a baby you want to see whenever you want."

She sighed. "I'm not really capable of the level of fakeness that you seem to think I am…I mean if I was that capable, we probably wouldn't be sitting here. We'd go on as if a cross word had never been between us. I know the secret, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones and move on."

"We need to continue this," Castle remarked. "We still have topics on my list."

"Can't we forget about that list? Let's talk about the baby. Did Katie tell you she picked out a bassinet? I put a deposit down on it; it's adorable."

"Yes, she told me."

"Don't tell her I told you this, but she wants those baby monitors that have a little camera so you can see the baby. She's already worrying about it being upstairs while she's downstairs. I know she probably hasn't mentioned it to you yet, but maybe you could go ahead and start looking into that kind and see what's available."

"I will definitely do that; I'll get her the best one there is and I won't mention that you said a word about it."

"Good; pregnant women are sensitive, she might get upset that I said anything about it."

"Yeah; I've met her new sensitivities."

"I'm sure you have; but that kind of baby monitor will put her mind at ease some."

"I think she's mainly looking for you to put her mind at ease," Castle replied. "I've heard a lot of 'I want to discuss it with my mother' the last few weeks."

Johanna hesitated, wondering if that was going to cause additional issues with her son-in-law. "Is that going to be a problem for you?" she asked; "Because honestly, it's nothing against you; all women want their mothers when they're pregnant. They want their husbands too of course, but husbands don't have the first hand accounts of pregnancy that mothers do."

Castle shook his head. "No; it's not going to be a problem. I'm glad she has you and that she can take her concerns to you for that first hand account. You're right about that, you know about pregnancy in a way I don't."

"It doesn't mean that she doesn't value you or your opinions any less," Johanna stated. "Women just need the counsel of other women at times; especially if that woman is her mother."

"I know; it's fine. Please don't worry about it, I want you to be there for her as much as needs you to be."

She nodded. "Okay; and next time there's a pregnancy, you won't tell her not to tell me."

He smiled. "Did you tell your mother right away?"

"My mother was with me when I got the results, she knew before Jim."

"How did Jim feel about that?"

"It didn't bother him; I told him the same day. He was too happy to care that my mother had heard the news a few hours before him."

"How did your mother-in-law take it?"

"That's a different story."

"She took it bad?"

"Well…I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before her birthday and so Jim wanted to wait and tell her on her birthday and make it special for her…but Lizzie wasn't one to be fooled for long and she figured it out before her birthday and threw fits. It wasn't the moment we hoped to give her and Jim was really disappointed to be robbed of that."

The waiter arrived and put their meals on the table in front of them and then left them alone once more. Castle watched as Johanna picked up her spoon and began to stir her soup in effort to cool it faster. He wanted to move on to the next topic on his list and he felt like the time had come now that their lunch was on the table.

"Shall we move on to our next topic on my list?" he asked.

Johanna's nose wrinkled. "Why can't we just keep talking like we were?"

"Because we have other things to talk about and clear up."

She sighed. "And what's on your mind today?"

"I…I think it's time we talk about that incident at the hospital," Castle stated.

Johanna tensed, her spoon pausing, the soup sloshing around it in the bowl. "No."

"We have to talk about it."

Her gaze met his. "No, we don't. Leave it in the past where it belongs."

"I don't think we can let it there if we don't put it to rest," he said gently.

"It's been put to rest," Johanna remarked. "It happened and we've moved on."

"Have we?" he questioned.

"Yes…if we hadn't moved on, I wouldn't be sitting here; now would I?" she asked.

Castle nodded. "Yeah; you would be…for Kate."

"I do have my limits of what I'll do for her," she replied as she resumed stirring her soup.

"You say that but we haven't found them yet," he quipped.

Her green eyes narrowed slightly. "You sometimes stumble very close to them."

Castle figured that was probably true but he'd take the risk. "I really do think we need to discuss the hospital incident."

"Why?" she asked, a touch of bitterness in her tone. "Can't you just let me enjoy being a grandmother?"

"Technically you're still a grandmother in waiting…it's just not as long of a wait as you had thought it would be."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, allow me to enjoy my waiting, please."

"But while you wait; we could cross more things off my list," Castle stated. "I really want to cross that one off."

"So cross it off and leave it where it belongs; in the past. I don't want to rehash it, Rick."

"I think I need to rehash it…I want to clear the air; you are the one who mentioned it at our first meeting, I believe."

"So I mentioned it; what's your point?"

"My point is that it's something that could come up again if it's not properly dealt with."

"Rick; you apologized and I accepted. Let's leave it at that and discuss baby names or paint colors for a nursery."

"Too early for names and paint colors," he replied.

Johanna raked a hand through her hair, wishing she was still at Macy's as she had been before lunch. "Why do you have to do this?"

"Do what?" Castle asked.

"Pick at things that I don't want picked at. Why do you want to rip the scab off and make it bleed again?" Johanna asked.

"Because sometimes it doesn't heal right unless you reopen the wound and disinfect it," he remarked.

"My wound has healed just fine; if yours needs reopened, perhaps you need to talk to a therapist about it; they're good at wanting to pick things open."

"I think a therapist would feel that it was an issue I needed to discuss with you since it involved you. We can't just pretend it didn't happen…especially when it's on my list because you're the one who mentioned it."

"Fine, Rick," she said sharply, yanking her spoon from her bowl and dropping it to the table. "Do it. Say what you have to say about it and get it over with, okay? I already accepted two apologies from you over it, but by all means, let's do it all again…instead of discussing something better, like my grandchild."

Castle studied her as she leaned back against the booth, her back straight and her arms crossed. She'd rather talk about babies…names and paint colors, furniture, onesies with cute sayings. She wanted to stay firmly in her bubble of impending grandmother-hood. But he wanted this item crossed off the list. "I know I've apologized before for the incident; but you said you didn't believe the first apology."

"I didn't. I was more accepting of the more recent second one," Johanna remarked; "And to save you time, I accept your third one in advance."

He smiled, feeling his patience already beginning to stretch as she tried to defy the agenda he'd had in mind for their lunch. "Kate wasn't supposed to be working on that case," he remarked. "She wasn't even supposed to be on duty that day…but they called her in."

"I know."

"They needed a woman who was fluent in Russian…and she was the only name that came up."

"I find it hard to believe that in the state of New York she was the only female officer with a background in Russian," Johanna remarked. "I just really find it hard to swallow…and I wish my daughter had too. As a side note, I don't know why the hell she ever wanted to learn Russian anyway. I told her to take Italian and keep up with the language of her ancestors, but no, she had to take Russian for reasons that I still haven't figured out."

"Well…I guess it came in handy when she did a semester abroad in college."

"She could've done a semester in Italy."

"Well that's neither here nor there; she took Russian…from what I hear, because she wanted to take a language that isn't as popular," Castle remarked; "But they asked her to go undercover for this case…Gates said she didn't have to but she went…"

"Yes, I know…and I hope that now that she's going to be a mother, that the thought of her child will curb her willingness to volunteer," Johanna replied.

"You and me both," he admitted quietly.

"We'll hope there aren't any other opportunities for her to volunteer in the future."

"Yeah; we'll hope," Castle agreed; "But, uh, on this case, she ran into Vulcan Simmons."

"I know what happened, Rick. I really don't need a summary."

He ignored her remark. "This wasn't the first run in she had with him…she ran across him while investigating your case."

"I didn't know at the time of the incident that she had run into him previously," Johanna said, her tone tense.

"I know…I don't know why she didn't mention it; maybe because it didn't seem to matter as he wasn't the person who put out a hit on you like she had thought…given that he wasn't a fan of you."

"I'm aware that he wasn't a fan…I wasn't a fan of his either."

"What made you take up that project of trying to clean up Washington Heights?" Castle asked. "Why did you get involved?"

Johanna glanced away, her gaze on the window and the scenery outside. "I lost a student," she said quietly. "A student who happened to be the child of a colleague."

His brow furrowed. "I don't think I'm following."

"My student, Joel Philips…he had a lot of potential," she remarked, a soft, sad smile on her lips; "But he just couldn't get away from the drugs. He had a brilliant mind…a wonderful sense of humor, a loving heart. But he just couldn't get away from it no matter how hard he tried. He lived in Washington Heights…and he died there…from an overdose. Everyone talked about how bad it was; how kids were being lost to it…so my colleagues and I decided that we would try to take back that neighborhood with various ideas and methods. Mr. Simmons wasn't a fan of course…hurt his business a little bit. We did a lot of projects and activities in the neighborhood…I ran into him once, he told me that rich bitches live longer if they mind their own business. Jim was with me that day, heard what he said…and he asked me to back off because he was worried. I did as he asked; I backed off and went back to more behind the scenes type of things for the campaign, organizing the fundraising and doing the legal work. I never heard from him again."

"But Kate found him while investigating your case…he remembered you…even called you a rich bitch in that conversation."

"So I've heard," Johanna replied. "Katie told me about it after this incident of hers."

Castle nodded. "When Kate was found, she was hurt; she had been water boarded and she had been beaten badly."

"I know," Johanna stated for what felt like the millionth time since the conversation had began. "I was there when Jim got the call; we got to the hospital as quickly as we could."

"I know you did…but she didn't tell anyone to contact her parents. She was conscious and I was there."

"Yes, well, apparently Captain Gates felt we had a right to know…and you weren't her husband at the time. Protocol is to contact the next of kin when there's an injury that results in hospitalization…until she said I do, we were her next of kin and the captain had every right to contact us."

She was becoming defensive, Castle thought; they were nearing the sore point of the topic and she was going to be as prickly as possible about it. "Yes, I know that you had a right to know, but Kate didn't want the two of you to see her like that."

Johanna shifted in her seat. "And I didn't see her…I was denied entry to her room…on your command."

"It's what she wanted."

"Then it should've been her telling the staff; not you. You weren't her husband, you had no right to call the shots but they didn't hesitate to jump and do your bidding. They didn't even bother to go in and verify with her that it was her wish and not yours. They just took your word for it."

"Well…I was her fiancé at the time and we are known…the probably figured my word held merit."

"It didn't hold much merit with me at that moment. Jim was allowed in."

He nodded. "It was mainly you that she didn't want to see…because she knew you would take the sight of bruises and the injuries badly. She wasn't up to dealing with you and your reactions.'

"But you didn't relay the message that way," Johanna stated. "You started on me the second you saw me. You implied that she didn't want to see me because she was blaming me for what happened because it was Simmons that she had run into on this case."

Castle breathed deeply. "I was upset. I was the one who was blaming you."

"I got the memo…although I did notice that you waited until my husband was in the room with Katie before you unleashed your full train of thought," she replied. "You didn't have the guts to say it in front of Jim."

"No; I didn't say it in front of Jim because he had gone into the room and you were still bothered by the fact that you couldn't go in…so I told you why I felt it was best that Kate's wish be carried out."

"No; you told me your personal opinions," she stated. "You told me that every bad thing in her life was my fault."

"I said it because it does seem like the bad things cycle back to you. The bad decisions you've made seem to come back to haunt her. You took Pulgotti's case, got mixed up in that mess of dirty cops and politicians and the F.B.I. has to fake your death and put you in hiding. Kate pursued it, wanting justice for you, which put her on the radar of your enemy…who sent people after her, shot her…then you come home, and the enemy comes again; you're both threatened, she was in a car accident because of it, you were both shot at; her apartment was shot to hell and back. Back in the day; you piss off Vulcan Simmons with your campaign to clean up a neighborhood, which was noble and I understand that you lost a student and that affected you…but once again, that came back on Kate because she connected him to you, she went after him so then she was on his radar too."

Johanna's stomach twisted and the smell of her untouched lunch suddenly made her feel nauseous. "I'm aware of the connections," she stated, her voice trembling. "But Katie made her decisions, not me."

"But she made them because of you…and that's all I was thinking about. Your choices and bad decisions come back to haunt her."

She scoffed even as she began to twist a napkin into pieces. "You don't think I'm haunted? I live every day with the knowledge of my bad decisions and what they've caused the people I love…but Katie bears some of her own responsibility. She's the one who made the choice to chase it…with your encouragement."

"I encouraged her because I wanted her to have closure so she could move on with her life," Castle replied. "She wouldn't allow herself to move on without the truth about your case."

'Well now she knows, it's been settled and we're all moving on to a better part of life together. So drop this subject now."

"I can't do that, Johanna."

"Why?" she asked; her eyes stinging; "Because you get some sort of sick satisfaction out of tormenting me with things I already know? Things I've struggled to get past so I can move on and have happiness in my life again. Are you really so afraid that I'm going to go unpunished that you have to keep doing this to me? Do you hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you," he replied. "I'm not trying to punish you. I'm trying to clear up things that have happened."

"Why can't we just talk about the baby?"

"There's not much to talk about in that area, Johanna. Kate's not even showing yet."

"She will be soon; I could tell her stomach isn't as flat as it usually is. I can think of a hundred different things to talk about in regard to the baby. Names, nicknames, outfits, nursery ideas, babysitting; I could go on and on."

"Not today," Castle said. "Let's finish the topic at hand."

She swallowed hard; she didn't want to finish it. She already felt the blackness and the heaviness of those days sweeping in, suffocating her. "I don't need to rehash this; it took me long enough to get past it when it happened…I forgave you for what you said, so let it go. Please."

"I don't think you forgave it…how could you? It was cruel."

"So is this."

"We're just clearing the air, Johanna."

Spoken like someone who hadn't dealt with bouts of depression and anxiety. There was no clearing the air when it came to things that could bring back that black cloud. Once those things had been worked out and gotten past, she needed them to stay in the box she put them in and her son-in-law just didn't grasp that concept.

"We already cleared it. I believe you're sorry, I forgive you, okay? And I'm sorry that I'm the cause of bad things in my daughter's life; it's not an easy thing to live with. It's not easy to know that you're a danger to your own child after you spent the first nineteen years of her life doing everything in your power to keep her safe, warm, loved, and everything else under the sun. It's not easy to shake that feeling even after the danger is gone…especially when someone stands in front of you and says that you should make a list of your enemies so they can be watching for them…I'm afraid I haven't made you that list yet, Rick; because I'm not all that sure who all should be on it."

"Is it really that long of a list?"

"I don't know," she replied, her tone trembling. "I was a lawyer for twenty-five years; I've angered plenty of people. I've angered clients whose cases I lost. The cases I won, I'm sure the people on the other side were angry. There were people I had to take apart on the witness stand. Men I rejected. There were colleagues who didn't like me...my sister…Jim's sister; two of his brothers…former friends. It's hard to say who could be a possible enemy. It could be a long list when you get down to it."

"That's comforting," he muttered.

The idea didn't make her feel all the great either, Johanna thought to herself as her stomach churned. Sure the main menace in her life was gone and she had so far been going on about her life unbothered by anyone else from the past…but that didn't mean that someone couldn't pop up. Someone who had a grudge could see her on the street and be inspired to take revenge for something she didn't even remember doing, figuring she had cheated fate once and wouldn't be so lucky a second time. The sense of safety she had been building up over time suddenly felt shaky and the thought of her grandchild entered her mind. Was she a danger to that innocent baby? She was glad she hadn't taken a bite of her lunch because the thought of bringing danger to her grandchild made her stomach want to rebel.

"You know," she said quietly as she pushed her bowl away; "You think that it's bad for me to be distant…but maybe it's a good thing. Maybe you're all safer if I am at a distance. There haven't been any threats but that doesn't mean there can't be one day. I don't know who all hates me; like I said, it's probably a long list. I'm not a very likeable person I guess."

"That's not true, Johanna," Castle said, gentling his tone as he noticed that her face had paled a little.

"It is," she whispered. "You're better off with me being distant…because I don't know what could happen at any given time. I don't know when some past grudge can come back to haunt me. A long list of enemies wasn't something I set out for in life. I wasn't a crooked lawyer, I believed in what I was doing and I didn't cheat anyone…and yet I'm the one it all backfired on."

"No, distance isn't best," Castle said with a shake of his head. "I should've never said those things that day. I said more than we've mentioned so far, but I shouldn't have said any of it. The danger that was in your life has been dealt with. It's not likely that any past grudge is going to rise to that level or even come back."

Johanna was silent; replaying that day in the hospital hallway in her mind, hearing her then future son-in-law tell her that she was the worst kind of parent; that she apparently only thought of herself and never of the consequences for anything she had done. He asked how many times Kate would have to pay for the sins of her mother…and she hadn't had an answer; just a crushing sense of self loathing and the feeling that her child had been better off without her and that it would probably be best for all involved if she cut ties and let her daughter go live her life in peace. They hadn't been on good terms when the incident happened…being denied access to her in the hospital had only driven home the point that she was unwelcome in her life. The blame, the guilt, the regrets, the hurt, the memories, it had all converged and sent her tumbling into a black hole that had been difficult to crawl out of….but she had crawled out of it, because Jim had dragged her every step of the way…and after three weeks of avoiding their daughter, he forced her into the same room with her and put an end to it.

"Johanna," Castle said, his hand tapping hers.

She flinched, jerking her hand away from him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said the danger wasn't coming back; which I think you heard but then I seemed to lose you."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she murmured.

"I know you don't want to talk about it; but we haven't cleared up anything."

"What is there to clear up?" she asked. "It's how you felt in that moment. You said you were sorry and I've accepted it and now I'd like to forget it ever happened."

He sighed a little; she was always so difficult. "You've never said how it made you feel."

"I think you know how I felt; I started crying and walked away from you…but I guess since you want an in depth analysis, I'll tell you that I felt like the scum of the earth. I felt like the worst mother in history. I felt like my daughter had been better off without me in her life. I felt angry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask you who the hell you thought you were. I wanted to remind you that you're not a saint and you have no right to judge me when you haven't walked in my shoes; and yes, for that moment in time, I hated you. But I got over it; I forgave and I put it behind me…and I need it to stay behind me. So I don't want to hear about it again after today; and if that makes me an uncooperative bitch, I guess that's just how it'll have to be…because I know what's best for me."

"I don't think it's best to keep things bottled up," Castle replied.

"I don't keep it bottled up," she said tensely. "I go through it in every way imaginable; I go through the anger and the mourning and the regret and the what ifs. I go through the depression and every mood between that and normalcy…and then when I've gone through it enough, and my husband has talked it all out with me, I make my peace and I put it away. Please let it in the box I put it in…if you have an ounce of respect for me, you'll do that for me. Can you do that one thing for me?"

"I'll feel like we didn't accomplish anything on the topic," he stated.

"Maybe this is one of those times when you just have to take one for the team, Rick. I could've made a bigger deal out of you costing me the sliver of relationship I had with my sister; but I forgave after a short amount of time and put it behind me. You could do that for me just once, don't you think?"

This one did feel like a losing battle, Castle thought to himself. He had hoped to somehow have more resolution on the topic but it didn't seem to be possible. Johanna was set against this one…and maybe this time he did have to respect her wishes even if he did want to keep pushing to hash it all out. But she was asking this time…with the word 'respect' attached to the request and maybe if he showed her that he could respect her wishes once in awhile, it would go further than any rehashing of the topic he had chosen.

"Alright," he said with a nod. "We'll let this one go."

"Thank you," she murmured.

He could see some of the tension ease from her body as she fell silent. "You should eat your lunch," he encouraged.

Her nose wrinkled. "I'm not hungry…I should get going anyway; I need to drop off something to Jim that he needs for later today."

She was lying, Castle thought, she didn't have to drop anything off, she just wanted to escape…but he disregarded the notion of trying to talk her out of it. "Okay; I'll pay the check and walk you to your car."

She stayed quiet as he paid for the check and assured Fredrick that nothing had been wrong with his mother-in-law's order, that she just wasn't feeling all that well today. The quietness lingered as he walked her to her car and held her door as she got in as fastened her seatbelt. "See you Thursday?" he asked.

Johanna sighed a little. "Rick; I know the secret that was the reason for all this."

"Yeah; but that doesn't mean we should quit…and besides, maybe there's more to it than just the baby."

"I was at the sonogram, there's only one baby in there so no chance of twins and I don't know what else there could be."

"I guess you better keep showing up to find out," he remarked; knowing that sooner or later he was going to have to tell her about the Erica Bradley series. "Maybe we'll have better topics for Thursday."

"Fine, Rick," she said as she started the car up before reaching over to the passenger seat and picked up a small white gift bag. "Here, this is for you."

"You got me a gift?" he asked as he accepted the bag.

"It was just something I thought you might like," Johanna said as she reached for her door. "See you later."

Castle said goodbye, allowing her to close her door as she clearly wasn't going to stick around to watch him open whatever it was she had gotten him. He gave her a small wave as she pulled out into traffic and then he headed for his own car, curiosity gnawing at him. He pulled his keys from his pocket and unlocked his door, settling into the driver's seat and then shutting the door. He couldn't wait a second long and opened the bag, pulling out a newborn sized onesie that had the words 'Future Bestselling Author' printed above a small stack of books and a quill pen and inkwell.

A smile tugged at his lips along with a sense of regret. He had a feeling he was holding the reason that she had been late to lunch…and he had a feeling that if he hadn't started on his tirade about her lateness, he would've seen her in the midst of her grandma euphoria…and maybe that would've made him think twice about dimming her light with his choice of topic for the day.

Castle blew out a breath as he put the onesie back in the bag; feeling like he had blown the good intentions she had probably originally planned to show up with…and he had sent her home with a mood that was far from the baby bubble of happiness she had most likely been living in since the moment she had gotten the news. He was going to have to make Thursday better, there wasn't any doubt about that.

* * *

"When are they going to paint your name on the door and make it official?"

Jim's head jerked upwards at the sound of his wife's voice and he turned toward the door and found her standing there. A smile crossed his lips. "Hey, Sassy; what are you doing here?"

Johanna shrugged as she moved into the office. "I didn't feel like going home yet…I…I just wanted to see you for a minute I guess. Are you too busy for a short visit?"

"You know I'm never too busy for you," he said, beckoning her closer.

She made her way to him, accepting his kiss before she perched on the edge of his desk. "You didn't answer my question; when are they putting your name on the door?"

"They're not," Jim laughed. "I'm just using the space because it's available. I don't always like using one of the conference rooms."

"Uh huh," she teased. "I guess that's why when I saw Antonio downstairs and asked where you were, he said "he's in his office" and I said which office? And he told me the one I'm accustomed to finding you in…and that's exactly where I found you; in your old office."

He smiled sheepishly. "Okay; I work here enough that they said I can have my office while it's not being used…and they're not looking to fill any positions right now so basically it's mine for the foreseeable future. They're not going to put the name back on though."

Johanna laughed softly. "I knew it was yours."

"Well…it's a little like home…we have a few fond memories in here," he said, his hand falling against her leg in a caress.

"Don't even get started," she said, shaking her head even as a smile lingered on her lips.

"Why not?" her husband teased. "I thought you needed some consoling about being a grandmother…you know, proof that you're not old just because you're getting a grandchild; remember we had that discussion early this morning when the word grandmother sunk in. You needed proof and consoling, sweetheart."

"I'm pretty sure we proved it sufficiently this morning," she said with a grin.

"You might need more proof."

Johanna smiled, her fingers caressing the line of his jaw. "I think I can wait until later…in the comfort of our own home…after business hours."

"You always were big on 'after business hours'," he quipped.

She smiled but her thoughts were weighing heavily on her; that dark cloud floating over her, hovering and waiting to descend upon her.

Jim's hand settled on her knee, reading her features and determining that there was something out of sorts. "What's wrong, sweetheart? What happened at lunch?"

Johanna shrugged slightly. "Just picking at wounds I'd rather leave alone."

"Which one this time?"

"The hospital incident when Katie was hurt…you know, the 'everything that's bad in her life is your fault' speech."

"It's not," Jim stated, his hand tightening around her knee. "It's not your fault that Katie took on an undercover job that she wasn't obligated to do. It's not your fault that she ran into that creep. You didn't put Simmons in her path; she found him all on her own when she was investigating your case."

"Yeah…my case…me…"

"Jo; the only connection you had to that piece of scum was that you were doing charity work in his neighborhood where he wanted as many people addicted to his drugs as possible. Yes, you ran in to him once and he made remarks I didn't like. I asked you to back off and you did, you went back behind the scenes, organizing and doing the legal work and you never heard from him again; nor was his name mentioned in any of your papers or in connection to any case you handled. Katie found him on her own and tried to connect him to your case. That was her, not you. That undercover assignment that put her in that room with him was her, not you…and you know that; because we've been over it many times and you know that it was not your fault in any way."

She felt her throat growing tight as she glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. "The logical part of me knows that," she admitted. "But ever since this topic came up and he wouldn't let me out of discussing it…I could just feel that dark cloud sweeping in…and I don't want it hanging over me again. I don't want to spend the next few days under that cloud. I don't like that place."

That was why she had come to him at work, Jim thought to himself as he carefully chose his words. "I won't let that cloud get you," he promised.

"Every time I think I'm away from it; someone or something has to send it sailing back across my sky," Johanna remarked quietly.

"Dark clouds float across the sky," her husband replied; "But they don't always bring rain."

She smiled a little. "I just had to come see you…I just didn't want to wait until you got home…because I was afraid it would be a downpour by then."

"I'm glad you came so we can make it go away," Jim stated. "What was said about the incident?"

"The usual apologies…followed by somewhat backhanded remarks; like 'well you have to admit, the bad things she's gone through, do seem to cycle back to you'. I think there were also remarks about my bad decisions always coming back to haunt her…and I'm sitting there feeling like it's true although I didn't tell her to chase my case. I didn't make that decision, she did."

"That's right, she did; and she has to carry her portion of responsibility…and so does Rick, because he was there encouraging her."

"That was so she could have closure and move on with her life; that's what he told me today."

"No; I think it's because Rick wanted to help close it so he could be her hero and win her…he didn't realize that he had already won, he just needed to be patient. I worried constantly about her following it and the only thing that made all that worry worth it is that you ended up coming home to us and now it's all over."

"Yeah; that's over…and Vulcan Simmons is dead after that raid when they went looking for Katie…but you know that night at the hospital, Rick made that statement that maybe I should make a list of my enemies for him so he could be on the look out for them to keep Katie safe from them…and I can't help thinking that I probably do have more enemies out there somewhere."

"Who doesn't?" Jim asked. "We all have enemies. I know I have enemies that I made over the course of my career; just as you do…and so does every other person in the legal field."

"I know that's true," she said softly; "But I was sitting there thinking about it all over again and then thinking about my grandchild and the thought came to mind, am I a danger to her? Does having me in her life put her in danger? Would she be safer if I kept my distance?"

Jim patted her leg. "Come here."

Johanna moved off the desk and onto his lap to be closer as he wanted. He wrapped one arm around her as his free hand took one of her hands and held it tightly. "Our grandchild is not endangered by having you in his or her life…our grandchild will be enriched by having you in its life. The danger you were in has been eliminated and it's not coming back. Yes, you made enemies during your career, just as I have…but there's no danger. This won't make you feel any better to hear, but it's the truth and I'm going to say it anyway; I'm certain that Katie has more enemies than both of us combined. She's a cop; she's pissed off more people than we have being lawyers. I'm sure Rick has enemies too…and if, God forbid, danger would ever come, chances are it's going to come from their world; not yours."

"You're right, it doesn't make me feel any better."

He squeezed her hand in response. "It doesn't make me feel good either; but you know it's true, don't you?"

Johanna nodded. 'Yeah; I guess so…I just don't like to think of what her list of enemies looks like."

"Neither do I; but she has one…everyone does. You're not a danger to anyone…and you're not going to distance yourself from our grandchild because of an irrational fear that someone unleashed in your head because they can't leave the past where it belongs. You've been looking forward to this stage of our lives, don't let thoughts like that take away your excitement. Don't let it inspire you to put a wall between yourself and this baby that I know you already love as much as you love our own child. You told me how when you were in Wyoming, you'd think about missing out on your grandchildren…but you're home now and you're not going to miss out. You're going to be there, just like you promised Katie you would be. Don't waste another minute thinking that you're a danger or that the baby would be better off being at a distance from you, because that's not true at all, okay?"

"It was hard not to think about it while this conversation was taking place," she said softly. "I'm always going to feel like I have Katie's blood on my hands…I don't want to have…"

"No," Jim said cutting her off. "You're hands are clean and nothing like that is going to happen. You have nothing to fear. The bad things that have happened have been settled. There's no threat to you and no threat to the baby; put that thought out of your mind. When there's a topic that you're very uncomfortable with, like this one, you need to stick to your guns and tell Rick that you're not dragging it out of the past and rehashing it. You're allowed to say no and you don't have to be pushed into something that you know is going to drag you down. I know you're still going through this lunch thing for Katie's sake but I also know that some part of you probably thinks if you don't go along with things, that you won't get to see the baby; but Katie's not going to let that happen, so don't be afraid to say no."

Johanna breathed deeply. "It's been hard for me to put some things in the past and let go of them…you know I've always had a hard time with that."

Jim nodded. "I know…but I also know that you get there in your own time and way. You've learned to deal with the time you were away and everything that came with coming home. You've learned to put it behind you and you've been doing well with that. You've come a long way, sweetheart; and I'm proud of you for it."

"Insisting on this topic when all I wanted to do was talk about babies…it just threw everything off balance it felt like," she remarked quietly. "I was happy and safe and thinking about a baby…and then all of those dark, terrible feelings had to come back and dim the light. "It took me awhile to get past that incident when it first happened."

"I know," he replied. "It knocked the wind out of you but we got past it."

She nodded. "I wanted it left where it was."

"Put it back where it was," Jim told her; "And don't let anyone pull it out again unless it's something you want. You know it's not your fault that Katie got hurt. You know that the only person responsible for Katie's actions and decisions is Katie. There was nothing that you could do to prevent her from getting hurt that day. We didn't know anything about her taking an undercover assignment. We didn't know she'd run into an enemy that she made while investigating your case…and I have a feeling that even if she had never crossed Simmons's path before, the outcome would've been the same…because in my opinion, Katie is too well known for undercover missions."

"I've had that thought myself," Johanna admitted. "She is known and it's not a good idea for her to be in those roles. She's been a cop for over a decade; worked hundreds of cases that have brought her into contact with any number of people involved in various crime syndicates. She's worked high profile cases; she makes the news for those cases. She makes the news for being Nikki Heat. She's in the news for her marriage to Rick. She's not likely to be forgotten…and it's always possible that she's going to be recognized…so in my opinion, selecting her for that mission, regardless of the fact that she spoke the language needed was stupid…and the NYPD has to share the blame for her getting hurt on a mission she should've never been on."

Jim smiled as he squeezed her hand. "I rest my case."

She leaned her forehead against his. "You always know how to get me back where I need to be."

He patted her hip. "All it takes is laying out a subtle case and making you think like a lawyer."

"I love you," she murmured before brushing a kiss against his lips.

"I love you too…and I think you should go buy a new dress."

Her brow furrowed. "What for?"

"So we can go out to dinner tonight as a little celebration for our impending grandparent-hood," Jim replied. "I'll take you somewhere nice."

"You always take me to nice places."

"Okay, I'll take you to one of the nice places you can dress up for," he told her. "Get a dress…and shoes too."

She grinned. "Shoes too?"

"Yes," he laughed; "I wouldn't deprive you of that joy; and just for the record, I know they will not be grandmotherly in any way."

"You're damn straight they won't be; God, don't even put that thought of ugly shoes in my mind," she said with a shudder.

Jim laughed. "Never, sweetheart. Only the best, most fashionable shoes for you."

Her brow rose. "Oh yeah? Does my promotion to grandmother mean I can have a pair of Louboutins?"

"No," he chuckled. "I love you; but I'm not paying six hundred dollars for a pair of shoes."

Johanna laughed. "Not even for a special occasion like this?"

"Not happening, sweetheart. If I'm going to spend that kind of money, it'll be on jewelry."

"I'll have a pair one day; I watch for clearance sales…I'll get some, you watch and see."

"I hope it's coming out of your paycheck," he teased.

"You know it would," she laughed.

"So…does this discussion of shoe shopping mean you're on board with going out tonight?"

Johanna smiled. "I'm always on board when it comes to going on a date with you," she said, her voice dropping an octave as her fingertips caressed his chin.

He caught her lips in a kiss. "You want to lock the door and relive some of those fond memories?" he asked.

She laughed softly. "You know the rule; dinner first."

"I've been known to get around that rule once or twice," he quipped.

"Not this time…I think we've pushed our luck enough in this office."

Jim laughed. "One time we pushed it in yours."

"I remember," she said, a light blush staining her cheeks. "Is anyone in my office?"

"I don't know, sweetheart; I honestly haven't paid much attention…all I know is that you're not in it so I have no reason to go near it."

"Hey," Jim's friend Craig said as he stepped into the office. "How come I don't get a woman sitting on my lap in my office?"

Jim smiled. "Because you're not special, Craig; I've told you that many times."

The other man laughed. "Well I don't think it's quite fair that you get some pretty girl inhere sitting on your lap and all I have in my office is cold coffee."

"Those are the breaks," Jim told him; "Some of us got it and some us don't…I guess you don't. I didn't even have to request her, she just showed up."

Craig shook his head. "You just have all the luck."

"I know, I've already talked her into going to dinner with me tonight."

Craig smiled as he caught Johanna's eye. "How much begging did Jim have to do to get you to marry him? Because I'm sure you had more options."

She laughed. "None I was willing to consider…but he did keep following me home from work so I figured I better marry him to save my reputation."

"Lies," Jim said. "All lies; she begged me."

"Sure," Craig scoffed with amusement. "A beautiful woman like her needed to beg? I don't think so."

Jim smiled, his gaze sliding to his wife as he patted her hip. "She is beautiful isn't she?"

"She is."

"Stop it, both of you," Johanna said as he cheeks warmed once again.

"Don't be modest, sweetheart," her husband stated. You're beautiful and everyone knows it…and don't you think she'll be a beautiful grandmother, Craig?"

"Grandmother?" his friend said with a smile. "Did you two finally get promoted?"

"Yes," she smiled; "But don't spread it around, I don't think Katie's ready for too many people to know."

"Oh I won't say anything," he promised. "It's still early, I assume?"

"Still the first trimester," she confirmed.

"Well congratulations to both of you," Craig told them. "I'm sure it'll be a beautiful baby as long as it takes after it's mother and grandmother and not it's grandfather," he teased.

"Hey," Johanna laughed; "That baby's grandfather is very handsome and don't you forget it."

"Yeah," Jim stated; "That's why I have a woman in my office and you don't."

"Alright, I can't battle both of you," Craig laughed. "I came down here to tell you that the meeting we had scheduled for tomorrow for the deposition is going to be in two hours; we had to reschedule it."

"Okay," he replied; "I'll get things together for it."

Craig nodded. "It was nice to see you, Johanna."

"You too," she told him before he left them alone once more. "I guess I better get going."

Jim sighed. "It's too bad…I like having you here, it's like old times."

"Yeah, it is…but we've got tonight to look forward to."

"Yes, we do, you need to go buy that dress," he said before kissing her. "I'll walk you to your car."

Johanna rose from his lap and picked her purse up from his desk before she slipped her hand in his. "Thanks for making me feel better," she murmured as she caught his eye.

Jim stole another kiss. "That's my job; I take it seriously."

She squeezed his hand as they left the office; he always did his job very well and she was grateful for that among other things. He had swept away the dark feelings lunch had inspired…and she felt like she'd be able to show up to the next lunch without that cloud hanging over her…as long as her son-in-law kept his word about better topics being on the agenda.

 _Author's Note: Kate returns in the next chapter._


	19. Chapter 19

_Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 19

Late Thursday morning, Johanna was sitting at her desk in her office at Columbia, pondering the lunch date she was supposed to have with her son-in-law at noon. She sighed softly, allowing her pen to fall from her fingers and onto her notebook. She didn't want to go. Their Tuesday meeting with his incessant picking at old wounds had left her out of sorts this time. Jim had helped her push past the majority of the bad feelings that had been unleashed; but she was still sorting through a few…working on shoving them back into the box they belonged in so she could put them away once again. She was wary too; she wasn't sure she could trust Rick to let the issue of the infamous hospital debacle rest.

Her son-in-law was pushy when it suited him…and it always seemed to suit him when he was near her. All the things they could talk about and he had to pick that one; he just couldn't let it where it belonged. He couldn't let go of anything…just like he often accused her of doing. They could've talked about the baby…she had firmly been in the bubble of impeding grandmother-hood happiness; she would've been thrilled to talk about names, nursery colors, little baby shoes…anything baby. But no; he had to pop her bubble…make her question things…make her hurt all over again.

And for what?

Johanna drummed her fingers against her desk for a moment; for his so called mission of family unity…unity that he wanted on his terms and having nothing to do with the baby that would be coming into their world come May. He didn't seem to understand that unity wasn't something you forced. Sometimes you just had to make quiet effort, let the dust settle, let it happen in its own time and way…and if a baby brought that unity, there wasn't anything wrong with that. It didn't mean that it was for the wrong reasons. All it meant was that people of varying opinions and feelings all agreed to love one tiny being no matter what. The baby was common ground…just as her own baby had been her common ground with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth would've beaten her with a skillet before being dragged to 'be a better mother-in-law' lunches. There hadn't been any need for that between them; they hadn't tried to change each other…but then Katie had came and things changed little by little and they found a way to work. They had good times…they had still had bad times…but they managed. There was unity. There was happiness. There was even their own brand of love for each other mixed up in all the other things they inspired in each other.

Her son-in-law just needed to relax; he needed to let past incidents in the past. He needed to get over this need to rehash every single thing that had been said or done since her return from Wyoming. She didn't have to wave pom poms to prove that she had no issue with him being in her family did she?

Johanna sighed; some days she just didn't understand what he wanted from her. She tried to mind her business, not be too invasive when it came to her daughter's marriage…tried to mind her place in the new scheme of things. She didn't like having to rehash everything…especially wounds that ran deep like that damn hospital incident and she just wasn't sure she could trust him not to bring it up again today.

He had broken her trust before…when he went to Colleen and botched the miniscule relationship she had with her sister. She frowned; she had checked their secret email account that morning and Colleen still hadn't responded to any of her messages…she was sure that she never would now. But she wouldn't mention that to him; it was done and that was all there was to it. She wished he could take that stance about past events.

The clock at the bottom corner of her computer screen turned, reminding her that the lunch hour was drawing closer and closer with every minute. She just didn't want to do this today. She didn't feel that she should have to do it. She didn't like being told that she had to be somewhere she didn't want to be…didn't she already fight that war with Katie a few years ago? Hadn't she made it clear that she didn't like being told what to do, where to go, how to act, how to feel?

Johanna took a breath; she wasn't going to do it today. She needed time. She needed some space from her son-in-law and his agenda. She also needed an excuse to give him. Looking at the sack of work on her desk and her open laptop, she had plenty of excuses. She needed to post a quiz on her class site. She needed to type and print out hard copies of further instructions for the group project. She still had a few papers to finish grading; lesson plans to go over. She had plenty of reasons to stay in her office for awhile longer today.

With that thought in mind, Johanna grabbed her phone and tapped out a text to her son-in-law. _"Not going to make it to lunch today. I'm swamped with work at my office. Sorry. Catch you next time."_

She pressed send and felt a weight lift off of her shoulders. Now she could breathe easier…now she'd be able to concentrate on her work and get it done. She'd have the space she needed and she'd be ready to face Rick again come next Tuesday if he insisted on carrying on his campaign. He'd probably be a little miffed but she wasn't lying, she did have work to do and she wanted to get it done. She sent another quick text to Jim, letting him know that she had canceled for lunch and that she'd be staying in her office for awhile longer. With that taken care of, she laid her phone down and picked up her pen so she could get back to grading papers.

* * *

"Oh look," Castle said as he read the message on the screen of his phone. "Your mother is bailing on me."

Kate glanced up from the file she was studying. "What?"

"Your mother is bailing on me," he repeated.

"Does she say why?"

Castle handed her the phone so that she could read the message herself. "She's working," Kate replied; "That's a legitimate excuse."

"Seems kind of convenient, don't you think? I told you about what happened on Tuesday."

"I know…and I told you that she might need some time. That was a very difficult time for her, Castle; she doesn't like to talk about it. You should've dropped it as soon as she asked you to."

"That's why nothing ever gets resolved," he replied. "Nobody in your family ever wants to talk about anything."

Kate's eyes narrowed at him. "Maybe we have reasons for not wanting to talk about certain things; did you ever consider that?"

"Yes…but that incident we discussed Tuesday bothers me so I want it cleared up."

"Castle; you're just going to have to learn to make your peace with that…and you're going to have to respect her need not to discuss it further. You can't change what happened; you can't change what you said to her that day and she's never going to forget it. You apologized, she accepted; and she's asked you not to bring it up anymore. So just respect that and move on. I talked to her yesterday and I could tell she was still bothered by it a little, so please, please, don't bring it up again the next time you see her."

"That's why she's bailing on me…she's going back behind the wall."

Kate met his eye. "She said she's working."

"Do you really think she's suddenly got a massive amount of work to do when she usually only spends a couples hours in her office on Thursday mornings?"

"It's not unlikely; she does have three classes full of kids."

"She's avoiding me."

She rubbed her fingers against her forehead. "You only have yourself to blame on that one. When she asked you not to go to that topic and seemed adamant about it, you should have listened. You're so big on wanting to fix everyone else's problems that you forget to fix your own…you need to work on listening."

He sighed. "I didn't think she'd get as upset about it as she did; that's why I pushed. I just thought it was her usual, 'I don't need to discuss it' type thing."

"Well it wasn't; that one is off limits…and thanks so much for dimming her happiness this week. You really know how to take the wind out of a girl's sails, Castle."

"Is that the hormones talking?" he asked lightly.

"No; this is me growing tired of you botching your own mission and then getting offended when people need space from you."

"I intended to apologize but I can't do that when she bails on me."

Kate sighed. "Castle, did you really think there wouldn't be a time when she wouldn't bail on you? I think you're lucky that it hasn't happened before now."

"She doesn't make this easy," he muttered.

"Neither do you," she reminded him. "You could've just let her be happy that day. Maybe you should ask yourself why you had to take that from her. There was only one topic she cared about that day…she even had that little gift for you."

"I know," Castle replied.

"It should've meant something to you."

"She didn't give it to me until she was leaving."

"It doesn't matter when she gave it to you; the fact that she gave you one at all should've meant something…you know, like that acceptance that you claim she doesn't give you? But no, you haven't thought about what it meant at all."

"I did send her a text to thank her but she didn't respond."

"I'm not surprised. You got into her head this time…in places that need to be left alone for her sake and everyone else's. From what I heard from my Dad, and if you repeat it, you'll regret it like I told you last night; you had her wondering if the baby would be safer if she kept her distance. That's a really nice sentiment to inspire in her the day after she gets the news."

"I told you I was sorry!" he exclaimed in a hushed voice. "I didn't think she'd take the conversation down that road of thought."

"How can she not when she's sitting there wondering if she has more enemies thanks to you bringing up a conversation where you asked her for a list of them!"

Frustration flicked across his face. "I just wanted to talk about it so she'd know that I was sorry and that I wasn't really thinking when I said those things to her."

"No; it wasn't for her, it was for you," Kate remarked. "You had to drag it up for yourself because you can't let that one go…but you know what, you're going to have to live with the guilt you have for that one, Castle. Making my mother accept apology after apology and rehashing it fifty times isn't going to change it; it's not going to make either one of you feel better. All it does is make her feel worse. You're just going to have to carry that one."

"I thought it would be easier to carry if we discussed it."

"Well now you know it wasn't a good idea. She has her limits; just like I do. There are things I don't like to talk about and I don't being brought up."

"Yes, I know," he stated. "I sometimes feel like the Beckett women should've came with an instruction book."

Kate's brow rose. "You didn't have to marry into the family; you're the one who proposed."

"Yes; because I love you."

She gave a nod. "Well since you love me, could you stop driving me crazy today?"

"I haven't done anything I don't always do…your hormones are just magnifying it."

"Could you please quit talking about my hormones?"

"I'll try," he replied. "Since your mother has bailed on me, and you'll notice that I refrained from responding to her message, we can go to lunch."

"No, I'm good for now. I'm not hungry yet."

"You need to eat, Kate."

"I told you I'm not hungry yet."

"Just because you don't feel hungry doesn't mean that someone else in there isn't hungry," he said quietly.

"We're fine."

"You didn't eat much at breakfast."

"Castle; that's a lie. I ate a normal portion of food. You had my plate piled so high that there was no way I was going to be able to eat all of that."

"Well, I figured that since you weren't sick, you should eat up and I want to make sure you have enough food. Food is very important right now."

"I know how to feed myself. I ate breakfast and an hour ago I ate two doughnuts in the break room. I'm not ready for lunch, now drop it."

"Usually when you say that, you end up not eating lunch at all and I can't allow that."

"You can't allow that?" she said sharply; fury rushing through her veins. "Since when do you _allow_ me to do anything?! Who do you think you're married to!?"

Castle held up a hand. "Okay; bad choice of words…but you can't skip meals."

"I'm not skipping, I'm waiting until later."

"Later will turn into skipping and as a concerned husband and father I can't let that happen, so let's go get lunch."

"I said no; I'm not a child who needs to be told when to eat! What is with you today?"

"I'm taking care of you."

"No, you're annoying me."

Castle sighed and pulled his phone from his pocket. "Fine, I know you require proof about things so I will give you evidence about why it's a bad idea to skip meals."

"I'm going to eat later, I promise, so please, don't go all Google on me."

"If you ate something, you'd be less cranky right now," he commented as he came across an article; "See, this article here says you need to make it a priority not to skip meals."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I'm not having this argument with you and I'm not going to stuff myself to prove something to you."

"In order to take care of the baby, you have to take care of yourself and you're not doing that if you don't eat regularly."

"I eat regularly!"

"Yes, and you need to continue that. This article says you need to eat an extra three hundred calories a day."

"I'm not counting calories every day of my life; I didn't do that before this pregnancy and I'm not doing it now. I'm a healthy person, Castle. I'm fine."

"I know you're fine, but I want you to stay fine."

He kept droning on in his hushed voice about what she needed to do and what she should do until she felt like his words were bouncing around in her head like little ping pong balls with the words 'bad mother-to-be- painted on them. It didn't help that they were colliding with her own, most likely irrational, worries. She thought of her mother…she needed a second opinion and she wanted it to come from her mother. With that thought in mind, she grabbed her phone from the desk and shoved her chair back.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To the bathroom; do I have permission for bathroom breaks, Master?" she asked, a touch of sarcasm in her tone.

Castle smiled. "Of course; and I am sorry for the poor choice of words; it wasn't what I meant at all."

"Uh huh," she said as she stormed away, praying the bathroom would be empty so she wouldn't have to slip out of the building to call her mother.

* * *

After entering the bathroom, Kate checked the stalls, finding them all empty as she had hoped. She hurriedly sent a text to her mother. _"I'm going to call you; it's not about your text to Rick. Please answer."_

She waited a few seconds for her mother to get her message and then she called her. "What's wrong?" Johanna asked as she answered on the first ring.

"Is it a pregnancy law that I have to eat lunch even if I'm not hungry?" she asked.

"That depends; did you eat breakfast? If you did, how much and did you keep it down?"

"I ate two pancakes and hash browns and one of those little sausage links. I also drank a glass of orange juice."

"That's a pretty good breakfast for you to have; did it stay down?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Have you ate anything since then?"

"Yes; someone brought in doughnuts and I ate two of them a little over an hour ago."

"Did they stay down?"

"Yeah."

"Then you're fine for now," Johanna replied. "If you're not hungry right now then don't force yourself to eat, you might make yourself sick. Just make sure you at least get a little snack later in the afternoon to keep your blood sugar up."

"So it's okay if I just grab something small in a few hours?"

"Yes, you'll be fine; I don't know if you'll be at your desk all day but if you are, just grab something around two. You might want to think about keeping something in your car, Katie; like some packs of those peanut butter crackers you always liked to eat when you were a kid; you could put some of those in the glove box and then you'd always have something, even if you're on the road."

"That's a good idea; I hadn't thought about that. Castle thinks I need to force lunch down my throat at noon even though I'm not hungry. He started pulling up all these articles on his phone about how bad it is to skip a meal while pregnant…and I feel like I'm blowing this already," she said, her voice cracking a little.

"You're not," Johanna soothed. "It's not like you haven't eaten anything at all today; you have. You had a good breakfast, you can call the doughnuts brunch…you'll be fine for awhile. I'm sure you plan on eating dinner tonight, right?"

"Yeah; I'm always hungry after work."

"Well then you'll be fine. Do you know what I ate for breakfast when I was in my first trimester with you?"

"No; what?"

"Crackers; and when I was sick of crackers, dry toast…and you know I'm not a fan of dry toast…and then when I got in my third month, I could eat hashbrowns…but they had to be specific hashbrowns."

"Specific hashbrowns?"

"Yes," Johanna said with a laugh. "When your father and I were dating, there was this little diner down the street from his apartment and a lot of times on Saturday mornings when I'd be staying with him, we'd go there for a late breakfast or he'd get takeout for us. I loved their hashbrowns…and for whatever reason, in the third month, you were willing to let me eat those specific hashbrowns…no other kind; I tried others, they were not accepted by you. Your father bought me a lot of hashbrowns from that diner."

Kate laughed softly. "I'm sure they appreciated the business."

"I'm sure they did; but you're fine…tell your husband to relax."

"Easier said than done…he's probably pulling up ten more articles as we speak."

"Does that mean you're hiding in the bathroom again?"

"Yes; it's my favorite hiding place at work; I'm just glad it's empty."

Johanna was quiet for a moment. "Anything else on your mind?" she asked softly.

There was, but it wasn't what her mother probably thought it was. "I'm worried," Kate admitted softly; her voice breaking once more.

"About what?" her mother asked.

"I haven't been sick today," she cried.

Johanna chose her words with care. "I think you mentioned that most of your sickness has been at nighttime."

"I do have it a lot at night but I always throw up at least twice in the early morning and today I haven't…and I'm worried that it means something is wrong."

"Sweetheart; you're okay," Johanna said soothingly.

"But why haven't I been sick?"

"Your hormones fluctuate, you might just be a little more settled this morning…and the day is still young; you might throw up an hour from now; or after dinner. You might throw up half the night; you don't know that you won't be sick at all today."

"I looked online," Kate said tearfully; "It says that vanishing symptoms can be a sign of a miscarriage."

"Honey, please don't accept the worst case scenario that Google always brings up first."

"But what if that's what it is?" she cried.

"It's not. Are you having any pain or cramping?"

"No."

"Any bleeding?"

"No."

"No clots or anything like that?"

"No."

"Okay, that's good; and just because you haven't thrown up today doesn't mean that your symptoms have vanished. I'm sure morning sickness isn't your only symptom, is it?"

"No; but what if…"

"Katie, you're fine," she said softly. "You don't have to feel every symptom every single day; it can change as you go along. You're allowed to have good days…I had days when I didn't throw up, and I know it can be worrisome when you suddenly have a day when it isn't there but it can come back at any moment."

"I'm just…" Kate said, tears clogging her voice.

"Scared," Johanna supplied; "And that's okay too but I'm sure you're fine. I can tell you're still emotional so that's probably a good sign, right?"

"Yeah; maybe so," she agreed as she sniffled.

"Have you mentioned to Rick that you're having this worry today?"

"No; he's too busy trying to force feed me all day," she replied. "At breakfast all I heard was that since I wasn't being sick, I should eat as much as possible and now he was griping about lunch and pulling up articles and making me feel like a bad mother already."

"Okay," Johanna said; "Listen, since you're not hungry right now, why don't you take your break and come to my office and sit with me for a little while. We'll talk it all through and you'll feel better."

"I thought you had a lot of work to do?"

"I'm never too busy for you; you know that…and most of this I can do at home…I just…needed to not see your husband today," her mother explained. "I'm sure that's got me another black mark next to my name but I just need a little more time to get past the last one."

"I get that," Kate told her; "I really do, I didn't blame you a bit for it…but he's going to want to know where I'm going…"

"So tell him the truth; you're going to see your mother…and no, he's not invited; he needs to spend some time with his friends. So send him off with the boys; he needs to go talk guy things and relax. It'll be good for him."

"He probably won't see it that way."

Maybe not at first but he might afterwards. So what do you say? Are you going to come see me? My office is much more comfortable than your desk at the precinct."

Kate smiled and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. "Yeah; I'll take my break at noon and I'll be there."

"Alright, sweetheart. Wash your face and try to calm down, everything will be fine. I'll see you here shortly."

"Okay," she said as she got herself under control. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They said goodbye and Kate ended the call, shoving her phone into her pocket before she turned to the sink and washed her face. She took a few steadying breaths and then made her way to the door of the bathroom. She pushed through it and found her husband leaning against the wall across from the door. "Castle, what are you doing?"

"You were gone for awhile," he answered; "I was debating coming in."

"I was on the phone," she told him.

"Oh?"

"Yes; with my mother."

Castle nodded. "Did you talk her into keeping our lunch appointment so you can be rid of me for an hour?"

"No; of course not. I wanted to ask her if it was necessary for me to eat this very second and she said it's not so we can now officially drop that subject."

"Why would she tell you that!" he exclaimed.

"Because I told her what all I've ate today and she said I'm fine for now and to get something later," she remarked.

"I think you should try to have a little lunch."

"I'm not hungry yet."

"I know, but you should take advantage of these days when you aren't feeling sick," he whispered.

"Castle; I haven't lost the ability to know when I need fed, okay? I'm fine right now. I'm going to take my break and go see my mother at her office. Why don't you go to lunch with Ryan and Espo? You haven't done that in awhile, I think it would be good for you."

"I thought your mother was working."

"She is."

"And yet you're going to see her when she was too busy to talk to me?"

"Yes," Kate replied; "Because she's never too busy for _me_."

"I could go with you; all three of us could have lunch together."

Her patience was stretching thin. "No!" she hissed. "I want to talk to my mother about pregnancy things and I want to do it alone. Please, go have lunch with the guys…you really need to; don't you want to go talk about guy things?"

"I can do that anytime."

"Then do it now because you're not coming with me," she said firmly. "I want to talk to my mom and you're not going and making her break and mine about you and your need to push things. She clearly needs space from you right now so respect that and respect that I want to spend my break with her today. Go be with your friends for a little while…it'll be good for you and good for me because you've been driving me crazy all morning!"

"Well excuse the hell out of me for being a concerned husband and father," he hissed. "I know what's best for you."

"Really? I didn't realize that you had been pregnant before. You really are a jack of all trades."

"Funny," he smirked. "But I do have a child; which means that I once had a pregnant wife."

"And Meredith did everything you told her, right?"

"I read the books, she trusted my word…you should read the books. I'll get you some books," Castle stated.

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect like Meredith…you know, the wife who cheated on and essentially abandoned your child; but hey, we can't all be that fabulous."

"Kate," he sighed; "I didn't mean it like that."

"You already have me pegged as a terrible mother," she stated, her eyes filling with tears. "You hate my mother and you think I'm going to be a terrible mother."

"No, no, no; you're not going to be a terrible mother. You'll be a wonderful mother and I don't hate your mother at all."

"You don't trust me to know how to take care of myself and anything my mother does, you instantly brand her a liar."

"I know you can take care of yourself. I know that your mother isn't always lying."

"She doesn't lie nearly as much as you think she does!"

"Okay," he replied; "Maybe I do judge her a little harshly at times…and if you want to go spend your break with her today, that's fine, go ahead."

"Like I need your permission," she said tartly.

"You're very hormonal today," he said with a smile.

"Yes; a hormonal woman with a gun," Kate told him, her voice low as her eyes stayed upon him.

Castle nodded. "You should go see your mom."

"Oh, now you think it's a good idea."

"Lunch with Ryan and Espo seems less dangerous at the moment…and I…understand that you're…shall we say, moody, and that I'm not helping that at the moment. So yeah; you should have a girls break; I'll have a guys break…we'll all come back happier."

"You could go home after lunch if you want," she remarked.

"Kate, don't be mad at me, I didn't do anything."

"You have, you just want to chalk it up to hormones and ignore it."

"This is going to be a long pregnancy," he murmured.

She scoffed. "Only if you help make it that way."

"Give my regards to your very busy mother who has time for lunch meetings with you and not me," he said as they headed back toward her desk.

"She has time for me because I'm her daughter; you're just her son-in-law who likes to pick open old wounds and judge her; so yeah, I can see why she sometimes doesn't have time for you."

"Well when you put it like that," he quipped, a small smile tugging at his lips as he hoped to lighten the mood. "Do you want to ask her when she might have a minute to talk to me?"

"No."

"Do you want to ask her if she's going to show up for lunch on Tuesday?"

"No; you can text her and ask her Monday," Kate remarked.

"You're not going to help me at all today despite knowing the guilt I carry about Tuesday's lunch?" he asked.

"No, it doesn't look like it…I'm not all that sure you feel as guilty as you claim. I know you, Rick; you like to push things…and I think you'd still like to push that one with her and I'm telling you right now, don't."

Castle gave a nod. "Fine; apparently the Beckett ladies need a breather for lunch today."

"Yeah…we could use some alcohol too but I can't have any and she rarely allows herself the treat so, we have to carry on in the best way possible," Kate stated.

* * *

Johanna was writing one final comment on the last paper she had to grade when she heard her secretary greeting Kate. She hurriedly finished her thought and shoved the paper into the folder with the others as her daughter entered the room. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she got up and rounded her desk to embrace her daughter.

Kate shrugged as she sank into her mother's hug. "The same."

"Let's sit down," Johanna said as she nudged her toward the small white loveseat off to the side of the room. "You're still worried?"

"A little and I don't know how to stop," she replied as she took off her jacket and sat her purse on the floor. "I'd feel better if I just threw up like usual."

Her mother smiled at her. "You're okay; symptoms sometimes come and go. If I thought something was wrong, I would've told you to head for the hospital and I would've met you and Rick there."

"I know…it's just throwing me off balance. I wasn't sick as much yesterday and then today so far there's been nothing…and I shouldn't have gone online…"

"No, you probably shouldn't have," Johanna agreed. "I've made that mistake a time or two myself. But listen, in all probability, your morning sickness will be back. It's okay for it to ease up now and then. Your body is probably getting fully settled into the new normal for you right now. You might be coming to the end of your morning sickness cycle."

"But I think you mentioned that you were still sick at four months."

"Mine did linger into the fourth month but every woman is different; you might be done with it before your fourth month and that's fine. It doesn't mean that you're not having a healthy pregnancy. Some women have sickness the whole nine months, some for three or four…some have none at all. It's going to be fine and like I said, most likely, it'll be back tomorrow."

"The logical side of me understands that…the other side of me that saw the word miscarriage won't let go."

"You'd have other symptoms if it was a miscarriage. You're not having any symptoms that we discussed or any kind of symptom that you haven't experienced previously that would hint at that outcome, are you?"

"No."

"Then you have to try and relax and I know that isn't easy. We all fear anything that can be touted as a sign of a miscarriage…and a lot of stuff out there, online and in magazines can lean toward the fear mongering side, honey. You have to take some of the information with a grain of salt when it comes to things online, which I know you know that, you're a smart girl, always have been…but right now, when it comes to this, it's easy for you to be scared and so you might want to take a little more care with what you read online."

"I know…it gets stuck in your head. The worst case scenario always seems to be the first thing to pop up."

"That's true," Johanna said softly as she took her hand; "But, sweetheart; worrying about having one and keeping yourself worked up about it isn't good for you either. I know it's scary, I know you're off balance today but you have to push past it and keep telling yourself that you don't have those symptoms and that you're going to have a healthy, normal, pregnancy. You have to think positive. It's going to be okay."

Kate moved closer, giving in to the urge to curl up against her mother. "It's hard not to think about it now that I read about it."

"I know; it's very scary especially when you're in the first trimester and it's considered the danger zone for it; but it's not going to happen."

"If it did…I wouldn't know what I did wrong and I'd never forgive myself," Kate sniffled.

"Katie, if, God forbid, that happened, it wouldn't be your fault. It wouldn't be something that you did. It just happens sometimes…I don't think anyone really fully understands why but it wouldn't be your fault. It's not going to happen though."

"How can you be so sure?" she asked tearfully.

"Because I said so," Johanna replied.

Kate laughed softly despite herself. "Your word is law?"

"As always," she said lightly, giving her daughter's hip a pat. "Besides, it's meant to be, I know it in my heart. See that little silver frame on my desk?"

"Yeah."

"I made a copy of my first official baby picture of my grandchild so I could have her here at work with me."

"Really?"

"Yes; your father has his copy in our office at home and I have mine in our room…and I needed one here; so she's there on my desk where I can see her while I'm working."

"You don't know it's a girl."

"I'm pretty sure it is," Johanna replied; "But more importantly, I know she's meant to be…which is why I have her little picture at home and here…because she's my sunshine; I had a lot of bleak, grey days and now the storms have passed and she's going to be my sunshine. I think we've both been through enough and God is giving us sunshine now, he wouldn't take her away from us. I know that in my heart. I want you to know it in yours too."

Kate hugged her tightly. "For some reason that makes me feel better…that it'll be fine because you said so and I know the universe doesn't have to respect your law…but it always makes me feel better," she murmured.

"I'm glad," she told her softly. "It's in my job description as mother."

"Sometimes I'm not sure I can handle this," she whispered; "Suddenly worrying over every tiny little thing in my body. I usually brush a lot of stuff off and now I worry that if I feel anything it's going to be something wrong with the baby."

"You can handle it," her mother assured; "Worrying about every single thing is a part of the game, Katie. You'll settle some as you get further along but the worry is never going to go away; that's yours for life now."

"Oh God."

"I know…it's daunting to think about but eventually it's just a part of your life and you carry it like you do everything else. That's what mothers do, sweetheart. We just learn to carry it like everything else; but you're going to be fine. As for the things you're going to feel in your body, honey, you're going to have aches and twinges and sometimes little pains, soreness…but you'll learn to know what is just a symptom of an advancing pregnancy and what needs checked out by your doctor."

"I just sometimes feel stupid for getting upset or worried over every little thing."

"You're not stupid, Katie. This is the first time you've gone through this, it's new, it's scary and exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. I told you, you can call me or come see me about anything you need to talk about; and if something is really bugging you and you need extra peace of mind, don't hesitate to go see your doctor even if you're between appointments. They won't mind; you're not the first nervous mother they'd see and you won't be the last, so don't ever hesitate to go get checked to put your mind at ease, okay?"

"Yeah," she said with a nod.

"And if Rick for some reason wouldn't be able to go with you, call, and I'll come and get you and take you."

Kate sniffed as she swiped the tears off her cheeks. "Okay; I appreciate that."

"It's not a problem," Johanna replied as her daughter sat up and kicked off her shoes before pulling her legs up towards her as she shifted to face her.

"Did you have any scares when you were pregnant with me?"

She gave her a soft smile. "Sometimes it felt like I was always scared of something. I was worried if I wasn't sick much; worried I was sick too much at times. I worried that if I took a sip of soda or coffee once in awhile that I was sabotaging your birth weight because there was this article in a magazine at that time saying caffeine could lower birth weight and that sent me off the deep end a little; and I know you're supposed to avoid it but sometimes I needed a little to get through the day. I worried that it was taking longer to feel you move compared to other women I had talked to…and then finally when you were ready, you moved, but not before I got very upset about it."

'Sorry," her daughter said with a soft laugh.

"It's alright," she told her as she patted her knee. "I had a really bad scare, at least to me, when I was in the second trimester. I had some light spotting and that scared the hell out of me like you wouldn't believe."

"What happened?" Kate asked.

"Well, it was a Saturday morning, I got up and went to the bathroom and there was just a light spot. I kind of brushed it off at first because I had gone to the doctor after work the evening before; I figured it was from the exam. Your father was going to a ballgame with your grandfathers and uncles, so I didn't say anything; I didn't want to worry him over one pinkish colored spot. He dropped me off at my mother's and I told her; she agreed it was probably from my appointment and that all was well. But I saw it a few more times and started to panic even though it wasn't a lot…and I thought the worst even though I could feel you moving around as usual. Your grandmother kept assuring me that I was fine; that she had it happen during her pregnancies but I was terrified so she took me to my doctor and he checked me; he said we were fine, that the amount I had seen was nowhere near dangerous levels. He even did a sonogram to give me peace of mind that you were fine…your grandmother liked that, she liked getting to see you on the little screen, she was all excited despite my distress at that moment," Johanna said with a quiet laugh.

Kate smiled, thinking about her grandmother's excitement in the midst of her mother's turmoil. "Did the doctor give any specific causes for why you had some spotting?" she asked, figuring she might need the information for future reference.

"I remember him explaining it as an irritation of the cervix which can come from being examined and also from sex…and there was something else but I can't really remember what it was, it's been awhile…I just focused on the exam part, because I had been examined the day before and he was confident that it came from that."

"Did you tell Dad when he got back?"

"Yes, because even though the doctor said we were fine, I was still scared because the doctor also gave that standard 'if you have pain or the spotting turns into bleeding go to the hospital' speech…so, my mind couldn't really settle. Your grandmother made me lay on the couch most of the day. She said the best thing to do was to be still and have my feet up…I don't know what the hell that was supposed to do but I followed her word religiously out of desperation to make it go away. Your father took it to heart too; as soon as we got home that evening, I got my shower and he made me get in bed and I wasn't allowed to get up unless it was to go to the bathroom."

"I bet that he was upset about not being with you that day."

"He was very upset; but he did his best to try not to let me see how worried he was because he didn't want to upset me further but I could see it. The spotting stopped that evening but I worried still…and I made him talk to you even though you were moving around because you were always even more active when he'd talk to you. It took me a few days to stop worrying about that event."

"Any other scares?"

"Oh yeah, there was the heart palpitations one evening…I don't know what scared me more, the palpation or your father's driving on the way to the hospital."

Kate laughed. "That bad?"

"Oh yeah; then on Halloween, I thought I was going into labor because I was having pains; so we left the firm's Halloween party, which I didn't want to be at anyway, and we spent the majority of the evening in the emergency room until finally a doctor came in and told us it was a false alarm…which suited me just fine because, as I told your father, I wasn't having my baby on Halloween."

"Why not?"

"I just didn't like the idea of it," Johanna replied. "I saw Halloween themed birthday parties in my future in that scenario and I just didn't want that for you. You weren't due yet anyway. So," she said as she patted her daughter's knee; "Yes, you gave me plenty of scares from within the womb but we're both here and fine so clearly we got through it, and I forgave you."

"Good to know," she said with a smile.

"I'm sure you already knew," Johanna remarked. "Do you mind if I get my lunch out?"

"No, of course not, Mom. You should have your lunch; we can move over to your desk so you don't have to hold it," Kate replied.

"Alright," she said as she rose from the loveseat and made her way across the room to the small black dorm sized fridge. "Do you want a drink? I have Sprite."

"Yeah; that would be fine," Kate replied as she moved one of the chairs to the side of her mother's desk so she could remain close to her as she had her lunch. "Where did you get the fridge? I don't think you had that the last time I came to your office."

"Your father saw it on sale somewhere and got it for me," Johanna answered as she sat two cans of Sprite on the desk and then went back to get her salad. "He said I needed it; I'm not sure why but it is convenient."

"He probably doesn't want you hanging around a break room; men might look at you," Kate teased as she opened her drink.

"I hadn't thought of that," she laughed as she look the plastic lid off of her salad and settled down in her chair before picking up the packet of dressing.

Kate looked at the salad with interest, noting the strips of chicken laying across the salad and the creamy looking dressy her mother was pouring over it. She hadn't been hungry…but suddenly, she'd like to have that salad. "That looks good," she commented.

"Do you want a bite, sweetheart?" Johanna asked; figuring that her plan of eating in front of her daughter might work the way she thought and inspire her to have a few bites so she could report it to her husband and he'd leave her alone. "I have another fork; we can share."

Kate nodded. "Yeah; I might try a bite or two…it just looks really good."

"They do have good salads here," Johanna said as she opened one of her desk drawers and took out the plastic wrapped fork and handed it to her daughter, noting her questioning gaze. "I have a supply because sometimes your father will come eat lunch with me if I'm staying here for most of the day."

She smiled as she opened the package and took out her fork. "Castle's under the impression that you don't spend much time here."

"Sometimes I don't…but it's also not unusual for me to stay the majority of the day if I have a lot to do and know I'll get distracted with other things if I stay home. How mad is he that I skipped lunch? He didn't respond to the message."

"He thinks you're avoiding him."

"Well…I guess I kind of am today but it's not that I'm trying to hurt his feelings; I just need some space and time to get past the last one."

"I figured you might," Kate said around the bite of salad. "God that's good."

"There's plenty for both of us, Katie; eat as much of it as you want."

"I wasn't even hungry."

"I've felt like that before and then ended up eating when something good caught my eye," her mother replied.

"I told Castle you probably just need a little time."

"What did he say?"

"That he'd rather get it out of the way, you know how he is, but I wouldn't say he was mad, he's too busy bugging me today."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Kate exhaled a huff. "He just won't stop sometimes! And I know some of it is me being more…annoyed…by things than usual because of hormones, which I hate to say because he brings up that word all the time!"

"Men do seem to bring that word up at the wrong moments; whether it's about pregnancy or periods."

"Yeah; and they need to stop. Sometimes I'm mad just because I've been annoyed and people can't take a hint."

"I know that feeling," Johanna remarked as she picked up a bite of her salad.

"It's like all morning all he's done is tell me what to do, how much to eat, when to eat, and various other things all morning long but the eating thing was driving me crazy the most and he's brought up a lot that I'm not sick today and I'm already bugged about that so being reminded isn't helping but I haven't told him I'm bugged because I don't want him getting started on that either."

"I understand," her mother said; "Husbands have to go through adjustments too when pregnancy enters the picture…they think you're being crazy and they're being just as crazy themselves."

Kate glanced at her mother with a look of commiseration. "Dad drove you crazy too, didn't he?"

"Once in awhile…but there were times before and after pregnancy when he's done that."

"Yeah; but I'm getting the idea that the craziness is worse during the pregnancy."

Johanna gave a nod. "That's probably true; too many emotions and adjustments going on. He's got to calm down and you'll have to be as patient as you can manage…and yell when you need to."

"Yeah; I see yelling in my future. In the midst of his lecture about my eating habits, he brings up Meredith and how he read all the pregnancy books and she trusted his word and did what he told her to do."

"Then he probably should've told her not to be a cheater."

"Exactly! And because he's read the books and had a pregnant wife before, he apparently thinks he's an expert on the topic. Well I'm not Meredith!"

"No, you're not...and bringing up the first wife to the current, pregnant wife, isn't a smart move for any man to make; especially when it's being applied that you're wrong compared to Meredith."

"Thank you," Kate said; "I knew it couldn't just be my hormones that found that slightly offensive."

"Believe me, sweetheart; I wouldn't have liked that either if I had been in your shoes," Johanna replied; knowing her daughter had more to rant about.

"Then, he says 'I'll get you some books'…and I know he probably didn't mean it the way it sounded, but with the tone he used, I felt like he was saying 'I'll buy you books because you're stupid and know nothing'," she said, her voice cracking; "And I know it's irrational, but I'm standing there feeling stupid because I felt like he was saying I was."

She had to choose her words carefully here, Johanna thought as she allowed silence to fall for the time it took her to chew and swallow. "First of all, you're not stupid in any way but I totally understand why you would feel the way you did about it, Katie; because most women would probably feel that way, especially if there was a certain tone of voice, so I don't blame you for being upset about it. But I also know that Rick loves you and that he knows you're a highly intelligent person. I think he's just trying to adjust too and I think everyone knows that he fancies himself an expert at most things…so he wants to help you and he picked a bad way to bring up giving you a book about the topic of pregnancy."

She nodded. "I know he probably didn't mean it the way it seemed…it just hurt; and still stings…and I don't want him to come home with fifty books because that will overwhelm me."

"Then explain that to him," Johanna replied; "Tonight, after you've had some time to calm down about things today…or even wait until tomorrow, just tell him how he made you feel and explain that you don't want a ton of books…but also don't shun the idea completely. Don't think of it as him questioning your intelligence, because I know he's not…think of it more as a little gift he wants to give you to help you. Tell him a number of books you're willing to accept and when he brings that number home, accept it and read it as you go through your pregnancy. Just because you have a book doesn't mean that you can't still talk about your concerns with me or your friends or cousins, whoever you want. Books are great and full of knowledge but first hand accounts are too; so take both, sweetheart; but just let him know how you felt so he can be more careful next time…I know he doesn't want to hurt you."

"I know," she murmured; "And I don't mean to take everything the wrong way lately…it just seems to happen."

"That's to be expected…but you can always do what I did."

"What?"

"Just say you're sorry afterwards…husbands are forgiving about these things."

Kate gave her a smile. "I hope so."

"They are, trust me. One day I'll tell you about some of the disagreements and misunderstandings your father and I had when I was pregnant with you."

"I would like to hear those stories."

"We'll get around to them," Johanna promised.

"I think I'm eating more of your salad than you," her daughter commented.

"I don't mind," she laughed. "I'm glad you're enjoying it and I'm glad we're sharing our break together today."

"Me too," Kate smiled. "You made me feel better about a lot of things."

Johanna reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm glad…and I'm willing to do that anytime you need me to."

"You're probably going to have plenty of opportunities."

"I'm okay with that," her mother replied with a smile. A lot of things had gotten taken away from her, but she felt secure in the knowledge that she wasn't going to get pushed out of the way when it came to her daughter's pregnancy and it gave her a sense of peace and happiness.

* * *

Castle wandered down the pristine looking hallways of the law facility at Columbia later that afternoon, carefully following the instructions that Alexis had texted him so that he could find his mother-in-law's office. Eventually he rounded enough corners and found himself in the wing that housed the law faculty offices. He moved down the hallway slowly, reading the name plates, finally finding the one that bore the words _Mrs. Johanna Beckett_ next to the third door on the right. He slipped his phone into his pocket and stepped inside the door, finding the secretary at her desk, the door leading to the inner office slightly ajar.

"Can I help you?" the secretary asked, a slight Spanish accent flavoring her words.

"Yes," Castle said with a smile, noting her name plate that read _Carla Lopez_. "Is Mrs. Beckett in?"

"Is she expecting you?" Carla asked.

"No, it's a surprise. Is she here?"

Carla regarded him warily. "Mrs. Beckett is busy. May I take a message?"

"I'd really rather see her," he replied. "I'm her son-in-law."

"I'll see if Mrs. Beckett is available," Carla said as she rose from her chair.

"Can't I just go to the door?" he asked; "I am family."

"May I have your name?"

He gave her a grin, turning on the full wattage of his charm. "Rick Castle."

The woman gave no indication of whether she knew his name or not, merely nodded. "I'll see if Mrs. Beckett can see you now."

"Does she make you call her Mrs. Beckett?" he asked; "Because for the most part, she's a first name basis type of girl."

"She does not require it," Carla replied. "I just choose to show her proper respect when we are not alone. It's the professional thing to do."

He smiled. "I don't mind if you call her Johanna; that's what I call her…I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I could even ask her."

"No," Carla said, her hands fluttering a little. "Don't do that; Mrs. Beckett knows how I am and she's very kind to me. I don't want any trouble; I was very happy to be assigned to her."

Castle raised a hand of surrender. "No problem; but I would like to see her…can't I just surprise her since I'm family? She's probably heard me out here anyway."

"No; the only people I allow in without notice is Mr. Beckett and Ms. Beckett."

"Technically it's Mrs. Castle."

"She identifies herself as Kate Beckett and therefore I address her as Ms. Beckett; I am aware that she is married though."

He gave a nod and a smile. "Okay, it's all business here, I get that. Please let my mother-in-law know that I'm here."

Carla moved to the door of the inner office and slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. Castle waited, watching the second hand of the clock tick by a full thirty seconds before the door reopened and the secretary returned. "Mrs. Beckett will see you know, Mr. Castle."

"Thank you," he replied as he moved toward the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him in case Carla was the type of secretary that eavesdropped. "Well, I see your working hard," he said as he caught sight of his mother-in-law at her desk, her chair swiveled to the side, shoes kicked off and feet propped up on a small ottoman as she tapped at something on the screen of her phone.

Johanna glanced at him. "I am working."

"Oh yeah?" he asked as he neared her; "On what? Racy texts to Jim?"

"No; I try not to get him too excited when he has to take a deposition in the afternoon," she replied; "Besides, we prefer being racy in person; it's more fun and convenient that way."

Castle gave a short laugh. "The way you two are; you've probably had more phone sex than most people."

"No, not really; we prefer the real thing; in person…and besides, I don't have to go through all that effort of getting him worked up; all I have to say is let's go upstairs and it's a done deal."

He smirked a little in amusement, surprised that she had allowed him to get away with that comment so easily. "If it isn't racy texts, than what are you working on on your phone?" he asked as he maneuvered himself to see the screen. "Oh, Candy Crush…yes, that's highly important work."

"It's a hard level," Johanna replied. "It takes a lot of work and concentration."

"That's not really the work I had you in mind for doing when I got your message this morning…but then again, I knew you couldn't be too busy when you allowed Kate to stop by for the lunch hour."

"Katie needed me so of course I dropped what I was doing for her; she's my daughter. I'll walk out of my classroom for her if she needs me to," she remarked.

"What exactly did she need?" he asked.

"She had some questions; that's all."

"About what?"

Johanna glanced up from her phone. "We're not going to do that, Rick."

"Do what?"

"I'm not going to give you extensive details of my conversations with my daughter. She had questions about pregnancy, I answered. She's fine, nothing to worry about. If there is something I feel you need to know, I'll tell you, other than that, it's not happening."

"Okay…so you want to tell me why you bailed on me today?" Castle asked.

"Can you not tower over me?" Johanna asked. "Go sit down if you insist on being here."

He backed away, figuring he was invading her personal space and Johanna wasn't one that liked to have her space invaded unless it was someone she loved and felt comfortable with. He moved to one of the chairs in front of her desk and sat down. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"You want to put the phone down and answer my question?"

"I almost have this level done, just let me use my remaining five moves."

"Yeah; you're really working hard today."

"Rick; if you must know, I'm playing a game on my phone because I'm waiting for someone to come fix my printer so I can print out the pages I need to distribute to my classes tomorrow," Johanna said as she closed her game and put her phone down before swiveling her chair to face him.

"Oh," he replied, feeling at a loss for words for a moment. "What's wrong with your printer?"

"It won't print. It has ink, it has paper, it's plugged in, it's not jammed. Everything seems to be the way it should be but it's not working."

"I could look at it," he volunteered.

"Be my guest," Johanna told him as she pointed to the printer on a stand a short distance away.

"Can you pull up whatever it was you were trying to print and send the command again so I can see what happens. I know you were probably making multiple copies, but just put in for one copy so we can see."

"Okay," she answered as she woke up her computer and once again commanded it to print the page she had typed up for her class. "I hit print but it's not doing anything."

"Yeah, I can see that," he said, his brow furrowing as he regarded the printer. The lights on the machine didn't indicate a problem. He double checked to make sure there wasn't a jam, checked the ink and the placement of the paper. There was no indication that the problem was with the printer itself. "Did you try turning it off and turning it on again?"

"Yes; I tried everything I could think of. I even hit it like Jim does to everything when it doesn't work."

"How much success has Jim had with that?"

"Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

"I'm thinking your issue isn't with the printer; it's coming from the computer," Castle remarked.

"Great," Johanna muttered. "Just what I need."

"Don't panic yet," he replied. "May I look at the computer?"

Johanna rose from her chair, allowing him to take her place so he could try to find the problem.

"Okay; let's clear out all of these botched printing commands that are hanging there doing nothing," he said as he canceled each failed command that she had placed.

"Did I try too many times?" Johanna asked.

"No; but if you don't clear them out, when the printer starts to work, you'll have five hundred copies and I doubt you need that many."

"God no, I only need sixty."

"Why don't you just print one copy and then go run it off on the copy machine?"

"Because there's always a line for the copier," she answered.

"I'm sure there's more than one on campus."

"Why should I have to walk all over campus to find one when I have a printer that can do the same thing?"

"Okay, I'll give you that one," Castle replied as he opened up the settings for the printer and made a few changes. "Let's try it now."

Castle hit the command to print her document and the printer sprang to life. "You fixed it, thank God," Johanna declared. "What was the problem?"

"Probably a system glitch or an update threw off your settings for your printer. It should be fine now but we'll section off the number of copies you need to make sure," he said as he commanded the printer to print ten more copies.

The printer whirled to life once more and Johanna smiled. "Thanks for fixing it, Rick. I appreciate it."

"No problem," he told her, but before he could pick up his original line of conversation, Johanna went to the door to tell Carla to cancel the tech call.

"Your secretary guards you," he said quietly as he made the next command to the printer.

"I like that in a secretary," she replied. "And just so you know, she does occasionally call me by my given name."

"So you did hear me outside."

"My eyes might require reading glasses for small print but my hearing is perfectly fine."

"Clearly," he remarked. "You better put some more paper in the printer for the next set."

Johanna collected the pages that had already printed and refilled the paper. "We've got twenty-one copies; I need thirty-nine more."

"I sent the command for the next ten," he said as he rose from her chair. "You can take over from here."

"I'm glad you got it fixed; techs rarely ever show up the same day."

"See, I'm not so bad to have around," Castle replied.

"I never said you were bad to have around."

"And yet you bailed on me today."

"Yes; I did…and I'm glad I did since Katie needed to see me for awhile."

"That doesn't explain why you lied to me though."

"Rick; I didn't lie about being at work; I am…you came to my office and I'm here. You see some of my work being printed out right now. I have been working all day except for while Katie was here. I've seen students, I've graded papers, wrote up this second edition of instructions for my students group projects, that's the paper that's being printed. I have to create a quiz and post it for my other class. I did, and still do, have work to do."

"Yeah; but you're entitled to a lunch break."

"That doesn't mean I need to leave my office. I assure you that I've spent many lunch breaks at my desk in the past. I had Carla go to the cafeteria and get us salads…and just so you know; your wife ate the majority of mine so get off her back about her eating habits today because she's fine."

He smiled. "She ate your lunch?"

"Yes."

"Good; see I told her she needed lunch."

"Rick; she knows when she needs to eat, don't get started on the path you were on this morning with her."

"I have to do what's best for her."

"I agree; if she hasn't eaten anything at all for the day; then yes, make her eat. If she has ate and she's just not hungry yet for anything else; let her be and wait a few hours and offer her a snack, okay?"

"It's dangerous to skip meals."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, if you do it all the time; but having a small snack later in the place of lunch is perfectly fine. Don't become overbearing, Rick. She does have a gun."

"She reminded me of that earlier."

"You should heed the warning; I don't want to have to explain to my grandchild that we're living our lives on the run because Mommy shot Daddy and Grandma broke her out of jail. That's no life for a kid, Rick. Don't make us do that."

"Now that I know you've clearly got a plan in mind of how to handle that situation, I'll try to toe the line," he replied.

"Good; that would be a very difficult story to tell…and I'm not crazy about having to uproot my life again."

He was surprised that she'd make a statement like that, even if it was in jest but he said nothing about it, letting it go without comment. "I see you have your copy of the sonogram on your desk…I thought you'd keep it at home so you could see it every day."

"My original copy is at home; I made this one from the scanner on the printer at home so I could have one at work. I want to make sure I see her wherever I'm at."

"Could be a boy."

"Could be but I'm not getting that vibe."

Castle's gaze moved around her office, the bookshelves were full of books and workbooks; little knickknacks placed on the shelves to break up the monotony of book spines, along with a picture of her and her mother, a picture of Kate when she was little, a wedding picture of her and Jim. A casual family photo from Kate's teenage days. When he had been seated at her desk, he had taken notice of the framed sonogram of course, but also the framed photo of her and Jim from one of their vacations, and a framed photo of Kate. There were small pieces of artwork on the walls; purple throw pillows on the small white loveseat. There were small little things scattered about that made the space hers, but he noticed one thing it lacked.

"How come you don't have a wedding picture in here?" he asked.

"I do," she said, pointing behind her to the one of her and Jim.

"I meant mine and Kate's."

"As you know, I have one hanging on the wall in the living room at home…or maybe you don't know since you avoid my invitations."

He smirked at her. "Yes; I've noticed it on the wall…but we gave you a whole envelope of wedding photos."

Johanna eyed him. "Is this your way of saying that you're offended that you haven't found your way into my office photo collection?"

He shrugged. "Well…you've got pictures of my wife."

"Your wife is my daughter; of course I have pictures of her everywhere. I still carry her baby pictures in my wallet. I'm a mother it's what I do."

"You have a picture of one of my two children," he said nodding to the sonogram.

"One of your two children is my grandchild. As for your other child; I have no pictures of Alexis and I don't think she'd like to be displayed in my office as if she was my grandchild."

"Technically she is by marriage."

Johanna sighed. "Rick; we're not having that discussion again, but if it will make you feel better; when I get home, I will find a wedding picture to bring into my office, okay?"

"Only if you want to…but you know, then maybe your secretary will know who I am."

"She knows who you are; she just isn't impressed by your celebrity status."

Castle eyed her. "What did you tell her about me?"

She smiled a little. "That's confidential between a woman and her secretary."

"And here I thought you weren't friends with your secretary."

"Why would you think that?"

"From the way you sound when you talk about work…like you don't have friends here."

"I consider Carla a friend; I like her a great deal and I'm happy to work with her. I count my colleagues as acquaintances for the most part. Everyone has been kind to me here, I don't have any problems. Just because I don't go on and on about it doesn't mean I'm not friends with people here."

He nodded as she printed out the next set of her papers. "You still haven't told me the real reason you bailed on me…you seem to keep side stepping it."

"I intended to come but as the hour drew closer…I just couldn't do it."

"Why?"

"I just wasn't ready to come back yet," she admitted.

"Why? Tuesday didn't go all that badly; we didn't accomplish anything but at least we discussed an issue as much as you'd allow and then I left you off the hook for it like you asked. So why bail on me?"

"You think we didn't accomplish anything?" Johanna asked. "We accomplished sending me back to a very bad time…and I feel like I kind of had to beg to be let out of it but by the time you stopped; it was too late; I already had a hundred doubts running rampant in my mind; all of that darkness coming back. I had to go see my husband at work and have him talk me through it so it wouldn't drown me again. That's what we accomplished."

"I know you don't like hearing this, but if a topic about a bad day can put you so firmly in a bad place that your husband has to talk you out of your head, then you probably should've stayed in therapy," he said gently.

"You don't get it!" she cried in exasperation. "Therapy doesn't work for me because they don't know me; they don't know what I need. Jim knows me. Jim knows what I need; how to talk to me, how to make that cloud of depression go away. He's not only my husband; he's my best friend, my therapist, my partner in crime and everything else under the sun. My statement wasn't meant for you to tell me what you think I need; it was me telling you that sometimes I can't go back because it drowns me…and instead of listening to that and allowing it to sink in, I get a comment about staying in therapy. I don't need your version of therapy, Rick. What I need is for you to learn how to take a hint sometimes."

"I did take a hint, I allowed the subject to drop!"

"You should've taken the hint that I didn't want the topic to begin in the first place!"

"You're like that about every topic!" Castle said in exasperation.

"No, I'm not!"

"You are the majority of the time."

She blew out a breath. "Rick; sometimes I just can't go back…did you hear me a minute ago when I said that I can't always go back because it drowns me? It's not something I like; but it's something that's a part of me now…and I know you like to yell 'therapy' but that part of me isn't going to go away no matter who I talk to. I have worked hard to get past everything that's happened…and there are some things that I need to leave in the box I pack it in so that I can stay on track. The incident we discussed Tuesday is one of them…and I just wasn't ready to see you again. I did have a ton of work to do and it afforded me an excuse to skip lunch today. I'm sorry if I offended you or hurt you by doing so but I just wasn't ready to come back."

Castle tried to choose his words carefully. "I understand why the last lunch upset you…but you've been upset by a lot of things we've talked about so I don't know why you couldn't just come today like usual."

"Because I needed space!" she exclaimed. "I just needed some space…which is why I've been in my office all day because I just need to be here right now. I didn't want to be home dreading that lunch, wondering if you were going to try to pick that wound again and then as it got closer, I just couldn't do it. I need some space."

"Oh my God," Castle said; "Now I know where she gets it from…she gets it from her mother…it all makes sense now. You Beckett women need so much space that you should've joined NASA."

Her eyes narrowed. "Maybe we need space because people like you exasperate us."

"Yes, blame anyone but yourselves…that's how it goes right? Believe me, I know, because your daughter is big on space when she doesn't like how things are. Like mother, like daughter…it's all so clear now," he said with a laugh.

"Well then you better get a good look at me, Rick; because this is who your wife is going to be in about thirty years."

"Suddenly I feel like crying," he quipped.

"There's a box of tissues over there on the shelf," Johanna said with a casual flick of her wrist. "And if there's any justice in this world; it won't be just like mother, like daughter; it'll be like mother, like daughter, like granddaughter…a little dynasty of women to drive you insane."

"That's not nice, Johanna."

"Sometimes you're not nice either," she muttered.

He breathed deeply, giving himself a few moments to pick the right words…to lose the attitude that so often came out when he shared airspace with her. "Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted space?"

Johanna met his eye. "I didn't think you'd accept that…but apparently it doesn't matter what excuse I give, you don't accept any of them…because here you are."

"You probably should've expected it."

"I had hope that you'd avoid my office. Now I know I'm wrong, so that's my learning experience for today."

"If you had came to lunch, I would've apologized for Tuesday," he told her.

"I know."

His brow furrowed. "But you don't want my apology as usual?"

"No; it's not that. I just worried that after you issued it, you'd backtrack and try to pick up Tuesday's conversation again and I just couldn't do it again. I'm sorry. I just didn't trust you to leave it alone…and I didn't know how to get out of today's lunch because I didn't think you'd accept that I needed more time before seeing you again…and I had a desk full of work in front of me so that seemed like the best option for an excuse."

"Okay," Castle said; his tone softer. "I understand."

Her gaze was slightly wary. "You do?"

"Yeah; I pushed too far last time, ignoring that you do react differently to that topic than you do others. I should've let it go…but as you know, I apparently have a difficult time doing that."

Johanna nodded. "I might have noticed a little."

"I'd say probably a lot, but, I'm going to do my best to do better so that I don't push you into one of those topics you need left alone. Contrary to popular belief, I don't want you to be unhappy, Johanna; and I don't want to be the person to send you to a dark place when you've spent enough time under black clouds. So…I'm sorry I pushed you too hard Tuesday and I hope we can get past it."

"We can get past it," she said with a nod; "I just needed time…I intended to show up Tuesday, it was far enough away to give me time. That's all I wanted, just a little time and space…I wasn't trying to be difficult, I just have to get the last one put back in the box."

"Fair enough," Castle stated. "If I should slip up and push the wrong topic, next time just tell me the truth and I'll respect your need for space, okay?"

"Alright," Johanna replied.

"So are we good?" he asked.

"Yeah; we're fine," she said as she pushed a few keys on her computer and made the printer spit out a few more of the copies she needed. "Thanks for fixing the printer."

"Anytime," Castle said as he rose from the chair. "Now that I've annoyed two out of the four women in my life; I'll leave you to your work and track down the two I haven't tackled yet…Alexis is closest," he said with a grin.

Johanna glanced at the clock. "She's in a lecture right now, Rick."

"How do you know?"

She met his eye. "I know."

She still subtly kept tabs on his daughter, he realized; and he couldn't help but feel a little grateful for it despite the debacle they had gone through concerning her involvement in Alexis's life. "Then I better catch her later."

"That would be best."

"I should probably go back to the precinct anyway," he commented; "Make sure Kate's fine."

Johanna waged a small internal debate and then decided to ease her restrictions just this once. "Rick," she called to him before he could open the door.

"Yeah?"

"You might want to refrain from mentioning so much that Katie isn't sick today," she told him.

Confusion flicked across his face. "Why? It's got to be a relief to her."

"It's not," Johanna said slowly.

"Why not?"

"Because when you're used to being sick a lot and then suddenly you're not…it's a little worrying," she explained.

Castle moved back toward her desk. "What do you mean?"

"It means that when you suddenly have a day without morning sickness, you wonder if something is wrong."

"Oh," he breathed; "I…I didn't realize that she'd think anything bad of it. I just thought she'd be relieved."

"Pregnant women don't like sudden changes in their symptoms, Rick. It makes an already somewhat scary experience even more scary."

"That's why she came to see you," he murmured.

"Yes…and I assured her that it's normal and that everything is fine; she doesn't have any symptoms of something being wrong. She was just worried…so maybe you should stop bringing it up so she can not be so entirely focused on it; because like I told her, it can come back at any minute…but I'm sure your reminders aren't helping her relax about the lack of throwing up."

Castle nodded. "Yeah; I'll definitely stop doing that, thank you."

Johanna held his gaze. "Don't tell her that I told you anything about it…it would be easy for her to get mad at me and decide to push me away again…and I don't want to go through that again; especially now."

He shook his head. "I swear to you that I won't say a word, Johanna. I won't mention that you said anything about what she talked about with you. I'll just not bring up her lack of sickness. I guess I was too focused on the eating thing to realize that she had other things on her mind, but I'm glad she brought that concern to you instead of keeping it bottled up, so trust me, I'm not going to jeopardize that."

"I appreciate that," she said sincerely. "And ease up on the eating thing, she's fine…and she really did eat the majority of my salad…which I admit I opened in front of her because I figured it would appeal to her and then she'd tell you she ate and you'd get off her back."

"Understood," Castle replied; "Are you still hungry, because I could get you something since you sacrificed most of your lunch."

"I could go for a bag of Doritos from the vending machine."

He smiled. "Done; where's the vending machine?"

"At the end of the hall."

"Do you need a soda to go with it?"

"No, I've got soda in my fridge," she said, pointing to the small black dorm sized fridge that was near the stand with the printer on it.

"Gift from Jim?"

"Yeah, he likes to make sure I'm comfortable."

"I'll be back with your chips."

"I'll be here," Johanna said as she got up to collect the papers from the printer so she could count and see how many more she needed since she had lost track.

Castle returned after a few minutes and handed her her bag of chips. "There you go; one bag of Doritos."

"Thank you," she replied.

"No problem; I'll let you get back to work now and I'll go rejoin my wife and not drive her crazy."

"Good idea…and what else?"

"And I won't mention that you said anything about your conversation with her."

"Good. See you Tuesday."

A smile touched his lips; she had brought it up without any prompting…maybe that was a good sign. "See you Tuesday," he told her before turning to leave.

* * *

Castle offered his wife a smile as he settled down in his chair next to her desk a short while later.

"Where were you?" Kate asked, studying him intently.

"I went to lunch with Ryan and Esposito like you suggested."

"They were back long before you."

"I ran a few errands."

"Oh? What kind?"

"Picked up the dry cleaning, took it home; things like that."

She eyed him sternly. "Did you go to my mother's office after I asked you not to?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because I know you."

He shifted in his chair. "Did she call you?"

"No…but if I call and ask her, will she say you had been there?"

He gave her a small smile. "Maybe."

"Castle!" she exclaimed in a hushed voice. "Do you ever listen?"

"Yes."

"Really? You could've fooled me."

"It's okay," he told her. "She's not mad. I fixed her printer and bought her a bag of Doritos from the vending machine. We're good."

Confusion knitted her brow. "What?"

"When I got there…and past her guard of a secretary; she was having issues with her printer and I fixed it."

"And how did my mother feel about you being there?"

He shrugged. "She was happy to have the printer fixed. She wasn't hostile…nor did she seem very surprised that I showed up."

"Did you push Tuesday's issue again?"

"No, I just asked why she bailed on me. She explained and I listened…and she explained again and I listened better. I apologized…and she apologized for not giving me her entire reason for bailing in her text. There was no yelling, no crying. She didn't throw me out. So…I think it went well."

"She wasn't upset?"

"No; she's fine. I promise."

Kate gave a nod, her temper settling. "How did Doritos enter the equation?"

"I mentioned you and she made it a point to tell me that she split her lunch with you…and that I should get off your back."

She smiled a little. "That doesn't explain the chips."

"Once I knew she had shared her lunch with you, I told her I'd pick her up something if she was still hungry. She said she wanted a bag of Doritos from the vending machine so I got them."

"I'm glad…I think I ate more than half of her salad. I wasn't hungry until I saw it and then it was like my brain screamed 'I need that'."

Castle laughed. "Well you have the kind of mother who will willingly let you eat her lunch if you want it."

She nodded. "Yeah; she's always been that way."

"So…you're not mad at me for going over there to her office, are you?"

"No, you said everything is fine and I trust your word on that. Did she say anything else about me being there?"

"Just that she was glad you came and you had some questions that she answered; she didn't offer further details," he replied; keeping his word to Johanna that he wouldn't let Kate know that she had tipped him off about her worries.

"Do feel better now that you talked over Tuesday's issue with her?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I do," Castle replied; "You're right, I'm never going to feel better about what I said to her that day at the hospital…but I have to make my peace with it and put it to rest for all our sakes."

"I'm glad to hear that," she said sincerely.

He smiled. "Do you know what your mother said before I left?"

"What?"

"She said 'see you Tuesday'."

Kate gave him an odd look. "And that's significant because?"

"Because I didn't prompt it," he replied.

She smiled. "So she's on board for Tuesday and you didn't have to ask…that must feel like progress to you."

"Yeah; it does."

"See, she's not so unreasonable, Castle."

"That or I need to start sending you in ahead of me as the warm up act; you might have mellowed her."

Kate rolled her eyes, a smile tugging her at lips. "Maybe you need to learn how to mellow people."

"I wonder if there's an app for that?"

She laughed. "I don't know but I'm sure if there is, you'll find it."

He smiled. "Did you have a good time with your mom?"

"Yeah," Kate answered sincerely. "It was good…maybe she can work me into the lunch date rotation."

"I'm sure for you, she'd drop anything to work you in," Castle stated.

"I know…she always has," she replied.

He leaned close and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee, do you want some water or Sprite or anything?"

"Sprite would be good."

"You got it," he told her as he got up from his chair, feeling a little better about the state of things. His mother-in-law wasn't mad at him and his wife seemed a little more settled…maybe the day was turning around.

* * *

"You okay?" Castle asked as Kate stepped out of the bathroom that night.

"Yeah…just the usual, you know?"

"Morning sickness has reared its ugly head at nighttime once again?" he asked.

"Yeah, it sure has," she replied, a small smile tugging at her lips that he didn't miss.

"It's, uh, probably a little disappointing after you went all day without anything," Castle said cautiously.

Kate shrugged. "No, it's fine…it's all a part of the game right now, right?"

"Yeah; but you've been sick a good bit; sometimes more than others, but still at least a little every day so I figured it was probably a relief to have nothing for the majority of the day," he said, watching as she picked up her phone from the nightstand and started tapping against the screen. "What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to say goodnight to my mom," she replied as she hit the send button and laid her phone back down.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked; hoping she'd confide her worries now that he figured her mind was eased.

"I'm fine; believe me, it doesn't bug me that the sickness came back. I'd rather have it than not," she stated as she set about pulling back the covers on her side of the bed.

"Really?"

"Yeah; that's not so terrible, is it?"

"No, of course not…you've just seemed a little off at times today."

Kate turned to face him. "Did Mom tell you?"

"I told you, the only thing your mother said about your visit was that she was glad you came, that she shared her salad with you and she answered a few questions that you had. She wouldn't give me specifics and I didn't push for any because that's between the two of you and when you told me you were going to see her, you said you wanted to talk about pregnancy stuff with her so I figured the questions you had that she answered was about that and I left it alone so I could pursue my own agenda."

She nodded, twisting her hands a little as she did so. "Even if she did mention it, it's not like I swore her to secrecy or expected you to go there."

Castle shook his head. "I told you what she told me and I'm sure she only told me that much because she wanted to make sure I knew you ate so she could tell me to get off your back about it," he said with a small smile. "And I did get off your back about it."

"You did," Kate replied with a small smile of her own. "I'm glad you listened to her."

"Me too; I was afraid you might maim me."

"I'm sorry, Castle; I don't mean to be so moody at times."

"Hey, I know you can't help it much right now and I was driving you crazy and that doesn't help. You seemed more settled after seeing your mom so I figured you just needed some girl time. But if there's something you want to talk about, we can…or if it's something you discussed with your mom and you want to leave it there, that's okay too as long as you're fine."

"I'm fine…I just…it bothered me that I wasn't sick," she admitted. "I don't want you to think I was trying to keep it from you…I just…"

"We weren't having a good day and I was already bugging you?" he supplied as she sat down on the foot of the bed with him.

"Yeah…I'm sorry."

"It's okay; I understand."

"I should've been relieved to have some time off from throwing up, and the logical part of my brain told me it was probably fine that I wasn't but the other side thought maybe it meant something was wrong…and I made a huge mistake of Googling it…and you know how Google is…there's always the 'its nothing' result and the 'panic, its bad' result…and my mind choose to dwell on the bad one despite not having the symptoms associated with it."

"Google isn't our friend today," Castle remarked.

"Yeah, that's why I didn't want to hear your Google results about delaying lunch today."

"We'll lay off of Google for awhile."

"Part of me did want to tell you…but like you said, we were kind of having a bad day and as it went on, you were on the kick about my eating habits and bringing up your ex-wife and talking about buying me books, and that me feel a little stupid as irrational as that sounds…"

"Kate, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that or hurt your feelings," he said as he took her hand.

"I know; some of it is just me and my out of whack hormones. If you want to buy me a book, that's fine…but don't buy me a ton of them because nine times out of ten, I'm still going to go with my mother's advice about specific things that I want to know in that area."

"There's nothing wrong with that; and I'll just get you the one book, the one every expectant mother seems to get. What to Expect When You're Expecting."

"Okay," she said with a smile. "I will happily accept one book."

"So; was your worry about not being sick today why you decided to go see Johanna?"

"Yeah; it was her idea actually. I started crying on the phone and she told me to come over and sit with her and we'd talk about it…and I asked her what I was supposed to do with you and she said you needed to spend time with your guy friends," she said with a short laugh.

Castle chuckled lightly. "Well, it wasn't a bad idea; I did enjoy lunch with the guys."

"She said you'd like it better afterwards than you would before hand."

"She's probably been down that road with your dad."

"Probably; but I went and we talked about it and she told me I was fine and that I wasn't having any symptoms of something being wrong. She told me everything would be fine, but if I still wasn't sick tomorrow and it was still making me nervous, to go see my doctor for peace of mind…but she eased the majority of my worries and now that I have been sick, I feel a lot better about the whole thing. I just got a little scared…and I needed her."

"I'm glad she bailed on me in this case," Castle remarked; "It meant she was available to be there for you when you needed her, so I'm glad she needed space today…even if I did go invade it."

Kate laughed. "At least she's still speaking to you though so that's progress, right?"

"I think so."

"We had a good talk about little scares that pop up in pregnancy," she went on; "And she said that everything is going to be fine…and she always says those things like her word is law…which always makes me feel better for some reason; because if she says it's going to be that way, I can't imagine it being any other way."

"Johanna's law," he quipped.

"Exactly…and speaking of that; when are you going to tell her about Erica's Law?"

"Not yet," Castle replied; "I feel like we somehow got somewhere today and that it's a good spot so I'm going to try to stay there for a little while and then I'll spring that on her."

"You better do it before it gets a press release or you're really going to be in trouble then."

"I'll definitely have it done before then…I'm not saying how far in advance of it, but it'll be done before then."

Kate leaned into him. "You're not mad at me for not telling you what was bugging me…you know; besides you, today?"

Castle tipped her chin up so he could kiss her. "No, I'm not mad. I'm glad you told me, but I'm not mad that you got advice from your mother first. You are feeling better now though?"

"Yeah; I feel much better now that I've thrown up twice…as crazy as that sounds."

"Not crazy at all; it's the new normal for you so of course you're a bit relieved that it's come back."

"I guess it's going to take me some time to get used to things," Kate murmured.

"It'll take time for both of us but we'll get through it," he replied as he brushed a kiss against her hair. "It'll be okay…remember, your mother said so and she's the law."

She laughed softly. "That's right; we just don't tell her that too often or we'll never get away with anything."

Castle laughed with her. "True; but I'm glad you're feeling better…despite the throwing up."

Kate breathed deeply as she pulled away from him. "Yeah; speaking of that, I think it's time for round three."

Castle got up from the bed and followed behind her as she made her frantic dash for the bathroom. He knew the drill, re-soak the washcloth is cool water for her face; have her toothbrush ready for her and offer her anything that might make her feel better and get her through the night.

* * *

"I think you have a message on your phone," Jim said as Johanna entered their bedroom with her glass of water that she had gone to get.

"You could've checked it," she replied as she made her way to the nightstand and sat down her glass.

"I don't poke my nose in your phone," her husband stated as he laid the remote aside once he had settled on something to watch.

"I know; but it's not like I'd get mad."

"I know you wouldn't, but you don't check mine unless I ask you to so I return the favor."

Johanna gave him a smile as she grabbed her phone and settled into bed beside him. "It's from Katie."

"What's our girl up to tonight?"

"She threw up," she replied.

Jim looked at her oddly. "And she notified you because?"

Johanna smiled. "You know, you had so much ranting to do at dinner and then you raced off to your poker game that we never really talked about my day."

He nodded. "I know, I felt guilty for neglecting you the whole night."

"Uh huh; that's why you won, right?"

"Of course, I had to ease my guilt my bringing home the loot."

She kissed him and settled against him for a moment. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, sweetheart…I'm sorry I monopolized dinner with the ranting and you didn't get your turn."

"It's alright," she laughed; "I don't mind."

"So why is Katie letting you know that she's thrown up? I figure that's a daily part of her life right now."

"It is a normal part of her life right now but she called me a little before lunch time and she was upset because she hadn't been sick all day…and she was afraid it meant something was wrong."

"Oh," Jim said with a nod. "It made her nervous…things like that made you nervous too."

"Yeah; so I told her to take her break and come over to my office and we'd talk about it."

"Did she come?"

"Yes; I think I got her mostly convinced that she was fine, that the symptoms can change; that the morning sickness could come back at any moment…but she feels better now that she's throwing up again. Now I have to figure out how to respond to that message."

"I guess you could say I told you so."

"God no; that's the worst thing I could say to her for the time being," Johanna replied. "She's sensitive; I don't want to upset her or make her mad."

Her husband nodded. "True. Just tell her to keep up the good work."

She laughed. "I don't think that's the right remark either."

"I'm not sure I have anything else to offer for responses."

Johanna sighed. "I'll try this ' _I'm_ _sorry that you're sick, but I know it's probably making you feel better and easing your worries, so we'll be glad that you're throwing up this time. Eat some crackers to settle your stomach and get some rest, sweetheart. Call me before work and let me know how you are. I love you."_

"That's pretty good," Jim remarked.

"Thank you…I'm trying to be careful with words," she confessed.

"I don't blame you; I remember when I wasn't careful with words when you were pregnant."

"Yeah, me too," she quipped.

"I'm still sorry," he laughed.

"It's okay; I forgave you long ago, honey."

"I know," he said as he gave her a soft squeeze. "I didn't get around to asking you how Rick took it when you canceled lunch."

"Well…he didn't respond to my text so I figured maybe it would pass without much fanfare…but he showed up at my office awhile after Katie left."

"You probably should've seen that coming."

"Yeah, probably…I just didn't think he'd come to my office."

"Now you know otherwise."

"That's the truth."

"So how it go?"

"It went okay," she said before explaining the conversation.

Jim rubbed his hand against her arm. "You're okay with how it went?" he asked when she finished.

"Yeah…I think maybe he understands now that there are some things I just can't go back to."

"I hope he does understand that. I don't want you to feel the way you felt Tuesday again. I don't want anyone dragging you back under those clouds."

"I don't want that either…but hopefully he gets that now."

"Are you going back Tuesday?" Jim asked.

"Yeah."

"You're sure you're ready?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay…and I don't want him to think that I'm unwilling to give him another chance. I've got enough black marks against me."

"I understand," Jim murmured. "But you know I worry about you…I know it's easy for you to be hurt and I hate when you're in a situation where that always seems possible."

"I know; but it'll be fine," she replied as her buzzed again.

"Katie?" Jim asked.

"Yes."

"Is she okay?"

"There's been more throwing up but she's eating the crackers and drinking Ginger Ale now. She'll call in the morning with an update."

He laughed softly. "I guess this is a new stage of our lives, sweetheart; waiting on the morning sickness updates."

Johanna nodded. "I don't mind; it just means we get a baby to hold when it's all said and done."

Jim smiled as he pressed a kiss against her head. "Not just any baby; our grandchild."

"Yeah," she replied, a touch of awe in her voice. "Our sunshine after all the rain."

"That's right…and you're going to be such a wonderful grandmother."

"You're going to be a wonderful grandfather."

"I hope so," he replied. "I was thinking we should take my winnings from tonight and go pay off that bassinet this weekend and just hide it away. I know you put a deposit down but I still worry they might sell it and Katie won't end up with the one she wants."

"I have that worry too," Johanna replied. "I think it's a good idea. We don't have to tell her that we have it until she's further along."

"Right; so you want to do that this weekend?"

"Yeah, let's do that. I'd feel better if we had it here."

"Alright; then we'll go get it Saturday…and you can look around and see what you get tempted to buy next."

"Hey," Johanna laughed; "You just volunteered to take me into the baby store…maybe you want to baby shop."

He laughed. "You never know, I might see something I want to buy my grandchild."

"That would be nice, something just from you."

"I wonder what kind of stuffed animal the baby would like?" he mused.

"I think the baby will be happy with whichever one you pick for it."

Jim patted her arm. "I have this feeling we're going to have a reputation for spoiling our grandchild."

"I'm okay with that," Johanna replied lightly.

"Me too, sweetheart."

Johanna put her phone on the nightstand and then snuggled back against her husband, allowing thoughts of her soon to be grandchild to float across her mind instead of worrying about what topic her son-in-law might think up next.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 20

Tuesday afternoon, Castle sat in the usual booth at the café, waiting patiently for his mother-in-law…or at least he felt like he was giving a good imitation of being patient. She wasn't late, at least not yet, he thought to himself as he glanced at his watch. She still had four minutes until she was officially late…and really lateness wouldn't be out of the norm. She did seem to run between five to ten minutes late for these occasions so really, with an extra five to ten factored in, she probably wasn't as close to being late as it seemed. He probably should start factoring in that grace period she had spoken of before. The thought still didn't make him feel any better; he didn't want to be stood up again…that would feel like they were backsliding in progress although there were times when he wasn't sure if they had made any at all.

A deep sigh crossed his lips…but what if she was bailing again? She had gotten away with it once, she might want to make it a trend…and then he'd never succeed in his mission. Castle drummed his fingers on the table, ignoring the hot cup of coffee Fredrick had sat down in front of him minutes before. Maybe he should call her and make sure she was coming, Castle thought, his fingers stretching toward his phone…but then he pulled them back. No, he wouldn't call…not yet. Calling before official lateness and the expiration of her grace period would seem…desperate? He frowned, he didn't like the thought of that. He expelled another breath; if Johanna thought these meetings were stressful for her and not for him, she was mistaken. He might not allow it to get to him as much as she did but it was there just the same…especially today. He sighed; he felt unsure this time, at least in some ways. Their last lunch had apparently sent her back to a dark place…had brought back bad feelings that had led to Thursday's cancellation. He wasn't proud of that; despite the fact that he was a person who preferred to hash things out.

But apparently there had to be a boundary line…and in his usual fashion, he had found it and stumbled across it; ignoring the warning signs as usual. He couldn't afford to do that again…Kate needed her mother more than ever and he wanted her to feel free to indulge in the need to seek her out for advice and comfort that he wasn't in a position to give. He also wanted Johanna to feel comfortable accepting that Kate was going to want her around a lot now. He didn't want either one of them to think that he was standing in the way.

Castle glanced at his watch again; she now had a minute before she was late…and then her grace period would begin. He had no sooner had the thought when the door of the café opened and Johanna Beckett swept inside, phone pressed to her ear. That couldn't be good, he thought as she made her way toward him. As usual, he tried to gauge her mood by what she wore, but he gained no insight from the light wash jeans and black leather jacket she wore. She had on her usual black suede ankle boots and her favorite sunglasses, which he noted she was pulling off as she drew near, his ears picking up her conversation.

"…no, they can't be fixed; they're too damaged for that…no, the warranty won't cover it," Johanna said as she dropped her handbag onto the table and gave Castle a small wave of greeting while listening to the voice on the other end of the phone.

Castle offered her a small smile as she reached for the silver zipper on her jacket. "They said the warranty wouldn't cover it because it was my negligence."

Castle's interest was piqued, his ears straining, trying to hear the other side of the conversation.

"They don't care," Johanna went on as she slipped one arm out of her jacket and then switched the phone to her opposite hand. "Apparently anything that's caused by you, me, or Scarlett is considered my negligence…."

She freed herself from her jacket and then slid into the booth with a sigh. "Honey, the warranty doesn't cover husband and cat damage; there was nothing I could do about it. I argued the case a little and then gave it up because it wasn't going to work."

Even more interesting, Castle thought to himself, catching sight of the waiter as he headed their way. Johanna noticed him to as she met his eye. "Order me my soda, Rick; I'm almost finished."

"Sure thing," he replied, hoping he wouldn't miss any details as he ordered her Coke.

"I had to pay to order the replacement pair," Johanna went on. "They cost seventy-five dollars so at least it wasn't as major as it could've been. I put it on the credit card, is that alright?"

He figured that was probably a silly question; he couldn't imagine Jim being upset about her charging anything.

"I know," she said; "I didn't think you'd have a problem with it but I could've just used the bank card and had it taken out of the account but you know I hate using that with all those reports about people fixing the card machines to steal your information. The credit card has fraud protection so I always feel safer using it."

He didn't blame her for that, Castle thought. It was something he and Kate had been doing more often too in attempt to keep their banking information safeguarded.

"They said seven to ten days," Johanna went on. "It was an accident, honey; you really don't need to feel bad. Really it was Scarlett's fault. I know…yeah, I need to go too. I'll see you in a little while…I love you too."

"At the risk of being nosy," Castle said as she put her phone away; "What was that all about?"

Johanna blew out a breath. "First, let me say that I really did try to get here on time."

"You were actually very close to it."

"At least that's something," she remarked. "As for the phone call, I let Jim know I had gotten here with my usual text and he called to see if I had taken my glasses to the eye doctor's office."

"What's wrong with your glasses?"

"Scarlett wasn't happy with me yesterday. I played with her for awhile and she went off to get a drink and I settled down with my book. She wanted me to play more and I wanted to read a little. She was highly annoyed. After awhile, I laid my book and glasses on the stand to go check the food I had in the oven for dinner. While I was doing that, she jumped up on the stand…despite knowing we don't allow her to do that; and she knocked my glasses onto the floor. As she was pushing my book off the stand, Jim came into the room and saw her; he went to get her off the stand, didn't notice my glasses on the floor and stepped on them. That was the end of them."

"Wow," Castle said. "Who knew Scarlett had a vindictive side?"

"It was a well kept secret," she stated. "She got yelled at and hasn't gotten any treats…that's driving her crazy. Jim, on the other hand feels guilty but it wasn't his fault; he didn't notice them. He thought maybe they could fix the frames and just replace the cracked lens but the frame was too bent."

"And they don't want to honor your warranty?"

"No; they say the glasses broke due to my negligence. I'm responsible for the actions of cat and husband," Johanna replied. "I think it's a bit stupid but that's how it is."

Castle nodded. "Yeah…what are you supposed to do, read the cat's mind?"

"The woman at the desk informed me that I shouldn't leave my glasses where my cat or my husband can get to them…so I guess I should hang them from the ceiling when I'm not using them."

He laughed. "They'll say anything not to honor a warranty."

"That's the truth," she agreed.

"You have another pair though, right? You don't have to do without do you?"

"No; I have another pair. The pair that broke was the pair I carry in my purse for work."

"I'm glad you have another pair to use."

Fredrick returned to the table with her soda and to take their order and after he had gone, Johanna met Castle's eye. "So…what topic did you pick for today?"

Castle breathed deeply. "I didn't pick any topic…I thought maybe we needed a break from the list. If something comes up in conversation, we'll see it through; if not, that's fine too."

"Then what are we going to talk about?"

"Whatever comes to mind…I figure that's something we should get accustomed to."

He was changing tactics, Johanna thought to herself; that was an interesting turn of events…one that left her feeling mildly relieved. "Okay…you go first."

"Why?"

"I just feel better that way," she admitted.

"Alright," Castle said, figuring he couldn't blame her for being wary.

Silence fell across the table as he tried to think of a topic while she took a sip of her soda. He could hear her foot tapping softly against the floor, telling him that she still viewed him with some apprehension. He supposed he couldn't really blame her for that either. Finally, he decided on a topic that he was sure was safe.

"So, have you told your friends about your impending grandmother-hood?" he asked.

She smiled a little. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't know if I should. I know Katie hasn't told her Captain…and I didn't know if it was alright to share yet…as far as I know, you've only told the immediate family."

"That's true," Castle replied. "But no one would be mad if you and Jim wanted to tell your closest, most trusted friends."

"Don't worry, I wasn't planning on a big Facebook announcement," Johanna said; "At least not until I'm sure it's alright to mention it. I'm sure my page is being monitored."

Castle smiled. "I may have glanced at it last night."

"And you didn't find anything, did you?"

"No, nothing baby related…I did see all the stuff I missed while you had me blocked."

"I didn't have you blocked."

"Yes, you did…you had Kate blocked too…and don't say it was an accident because we both know it wasn't."

"If I had blocked you, you wouldn't have still been on my friends list."

"That's because you were using that 'share with friends except' feature," Castle remarked. "We wouldn't have even realized it if Kate hadn't ran in to her cousin who mentioned how happy you looked in your photos from London that you had been posting. I looked at those last night; you did look happy."

"I was," Johanna answered. "I really enjoyed London."

"I'm glad; but getting back to Facebook; once you returned, Kate mentioned what her cousin said and the next day, we could see everything on your page again."

"Magic," she said with a small smile.

"No, it's called unblocking us."

"Could've been a glitch."

He smiled. "You blocked us."

"Only a little," Johanna replied.

"Why?"

"I'm guessing it was because I wasn't a big fan of either one of you at that moment in time."

"So you blocked us!?"

She shrugged. "Isn't that what people do nowadays when there's family discord?"

"Some people do."

"Apparently I'm one of those people."

"Apparently so."

"I unblocked you, that's all that matters."

"I didn't see any wedding pictures on your page," he remarked.

"You have a hang up about your wedding pictures, don't you?"

"Most mothers post pictures of their child's wedding."

"I didn't really enjoy my child's wedding so I didn't feel a need to share," she said honestly.

He nodded. "And yet you took a picture of you and Jim in your wedding apparel and captioned it 'The nightmare is almost over…'."

"Wow; you've been fully examining my Facebook page. How have you had time to do that?"

"I couldn't sleep; Kate was throwing up half the night."

Concern flicked across her face. "Is she okay? Is she getting enough liquids? You have to make sure she gets a lot of liquids when she's sick, you can't let her dehydrate."

"Don't worry; she's fine…we've got the hydration thing under control."

"I'll have to find her that tea that my mother gave me when I was pregnant; it did help at settling the stomach…that's how I got through work most days by having that tea. I'll find it, even if I have to order it," Johanna replied, picking up her phone and typing out a reminder to herself to do a search for it.

"A tea?" he asked.

"Yeah; it's a ginger tea; it was very good and it helped a lot. I'll find her some."

He almost said that he would go find it himself but he swallowed the words…he would let her do it; he wouldn't take away that small need to take care of her child. They had taken enough from her as Kate always said, he didn't need to run out and steal her thunder by finding this tea that had helped her in the past. "It won't keep her awake if she drinks it in the evening, will it?" he asked instead.

"No," Johanna said with a shake of her head. "If it settles her stomach like it did mine, it'll probably relax her and she'll sleep better."

"That would be good; I hope you find it," he replied.

"I will; I promise."

"I have no doubt," Castle said; "But getting back to that picture…what did you mean by 'the nightmare is almost over?"

"Are you sure she's fine? She might've just said that so you wouldn't worry so much," Johanna asked, ignoring the question.

"She's fine… she just had a rough night."

"Did she get any sleep?"

"Not much."

"She shouldn't be going to work after being so sick and not having much sleep," Johanna fretted.

"Kate didn't go to work; she called in sick."

"My daughter is home sick and you're sitting here!" she exclaimed. "Why aren't you home with her!?"

"Because she told me to come," he replied.

"She's sick; you should be with her, not sitting here grilling me about Facebook!" Johanna told him. "Go home!"

Castle shook his head. "She's fine; she hadn't been sick in a few hours and she was getting cranky and I think I was starting to annoy her…don't tell her I told you this but she told me 'please go bother my mother for an hour'."

"You still should've stayed home," she replied.

"Kate's fine…but you're welcome to stop by after lunch and check for yourself," he offered.

Johanna bit into her bottom lip. "Is your mother there?"

"No; Mother is away for a few days on a spa retreat."

She nodded. "Then I think I'll stop in and check on my daughter."

"Please do," he told her, holding off on conversation until Fredrick placed their meals in front of them and went on his way. "Now back to Facebook."

"Why?"

"Because I found your page interesting," Castle replied; "And you didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"I asked you what you meant by 'the nightmare is almost over'."

"I should think it's obvious, Rick; we were leaving for the wedding…therefore the nightmare was almost over."

"Our wedding was a nightmare?"

"The months leading up to it were," she replied. "I was just glad the day had come so it would be over."

'The only other wedding related photo was of you, Jim, Jeff and Maggie that someone must have taken for you."

"My brother-in-law took it."

"It had the comment 'can't wait for tomorrow when we're London bound'."

"What's wrong with that? I was excited."

"You could've pretended to be excited for the wedding."

"Despite my time spent in school drama club; I'm not that good of an actress, Rick," she replied. "By the time your wedding got here, there was no chance of my being excited…all I had was relief that it was over and that I wouldn't have to look at either one of for six weeks."

"Wow; overwhelming maternal feelings there, Johanna."

"Well, sweetie; sometimes mothers get fed up and need a break and I needed a break from a lot of things at that moment. You think my mother never told me to get out of her sight? She did and I always went…I also always went back when the time was right. Your wedding wasn't a good time as we all know. London was good for me…very therapeutic; it gave us all the space we needed."

"You've shared some interesting quotes and comments during the timeframe leading up to the wedding…you must've had us blocked for awhile."

Johanna shrugged. "Only about three months; no big deal."

Castle laughed. "Three months isn't a big deal?"

"No; it's not like it was three years…and if I said anything that alluded to that difficult time, it was only because I was looking for support from my friends and family who also happen to be the parents of adult children and in-laws to their significant others."

"Yes; your friends and family were very supportive in your comments."

"When you analyze something, you really do it, don't you?"

"Writers like details, Johanna."

"So do lawyers but you don't see me analyzing your personal Facebook page."

"I'm sure you will later," he replied; "You're like that, one of those an eye for eye, a Facebook page for a Facebook page type of girls."

"I'm really not that bored, Rick. I have reports to read later."

"Okay, so you might not get to it today; but eventually you will. Anyway; while awake last night, in between keeping my wife hydrated and her hair pulled back; I did scroll through your Facebook page…just to see if I was still 'un-blocked' and that's how I saw these things that I've missed. Like I said, I found it interesting."

"I feel like this is about the lack of wedding pictures."

"No, not really; just little comments you made."

"How were you able to take care of my daughter when you were so busy reading my Facebook page?" Johanna demanded to know.

"I did take care of her…a little too much…I might have annoyed her and during her 'quiet' moments, she requested that I just be quiet."

"Didn't I tell you not to drive her crazy? What were you doing to her?"

"Relax; I wasn't force feeding her between episodes of sickness."

"What were you doing?"

"I kept questioning if she was being sick too much…because she seemed to be having it less, than last night she was having it like she was in the beginning and she was sure it was because the Chinese food was greasy."

"Chinese food!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing giving her Chinese food!?"

He eyed her warily. "Because she likes Chinese food…it wasn't any raw fish."

"Rick; I know Katie likes that stuff, although why is beyond me; but try to steer her away from that while she's pregnant. There are just too many mixed reports about which Chinese foods are safe during pregnancy so I say just stay away from all of them."

"But…women in China have healthy pregnancies," he remarked.

"Those women aren't my daughter and their babies aren't my grandchild…and if she was that sick after eating it, she shouldn't be having it," Johanna replied. "She's probably not going to be able to tolerate it during her pregnancy. There's plenty of other takeout in the world when she has a craving; or if you're both that desperate not to cook, call me, I'll make her a meal and bring it over."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just come to you instead of you driving it over?" Castle asked.

"Probably but you don't like coming to my house so I'll gladly drive her meal over to her."

"What about my meal?"

"I don't know if my cooking is up to your standards," she replied.

"I've ate your cooking before," Castle remarked. "Why would you think it's not up to my standards?"

She shrugged. "You've never really said before if you liked anything I've made that you've ate, besides baked goods."

"I told you when I came to your house for lunch that I liked the sandwiches you made."

"Okay; you like one thing plus the baked goods."

"I'm sure I've mentioned other things."

"No; you haven't…but you and Katie don't often accept invitations so you've probably had a limited sampling, although I do always ask her what to make that she thinks you'll like. You don't comment so either she doesn't really know or you don't like it all that much; which is fine. I wasn't fishing for compliments, just stating a fact."

"Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I don't like it."

"You never ask for seconds."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"If someone doesn't want more, then they probably didn't like what they had," she replied.

"Who told you that?"

"My grandmother."

"Maybe she was wrong."

"You didn't know my grandmother so you can't make that judgment," Johanna stated.

"You can't say I don't like the food you cook just because I never asked for seconds…seconds are usually frowned upon in this day and age."

"Since when?" she asked. "I've never known a man who didn't occasionally ask for seconds."

"Well I guess you know one now."

Johanna shook her head. "You wouldn't have lasted ten minutes with my mother."

"Why?"

"Because she would've been sure you hated her," she answered. "If someone didn't ask for seconds or at least say that they enjoyed the meal, declined the offer of leftovers to take home, then you were telling her that she had failed at providing a good meal for her guests. She would've been devastated…and then she would've been a bit miffed and you would've been subtly marked for life."

"Hmm," Castle said with a nod; "I'm guessing you didn't inherit her knack for subtlety?"

"Like I said, I wasn't fishing for compliments, just stating a fact. If you don't like it, you don't like it. I'm not going to lose sleep over it…just like there are some of the Derrick Storm novels that weren't always up to your usual standard and I'm sure people have told you so but it doesn't bother you, you keep writing."

"Well of course…wait..what?" he asked. "Which books?!"

"You know which ones, Rick."

"No; I don't think I do…come on, out with it; I want to know which ones you think suck."

"I didn't say they sucked; they just weren't up to your standards."

"Tell me!"

"Okay; that one with the weatherman…that whole plotline was…well…it just wasn't one of your best; and for God's sake, Rick; what is with your love of weather inspired names? It's only cute the first few times and then after that, not so much. I hope you've run out of them."

"Wow," Castle said; "I had no idea you were holding that back."

"Well; come on, you have to admit, you overdo the weather related names; Storm, Heat, Winter, Strike, April Showers…I really hated that name; I mean seriously; that's just lazy and you're better than that. What's next, you're going to name a character Summer Dewdrop or something?"

"No; I might save that for the baby," he remarked.

"I'll hurt you," she replied. "You name my grandchild something stupid and I will make you wish you hadn't been born."

"Somehow I don't doubt that," he quipped.

"Are you sure Katie doesn't have food poisoning from the Chinese food?"

"I ate the same food and I'm fine," he told her. "It just didn't agree with her and on top of the morning sickness, it was, like I said, a bad night…and you're still free to stop by and check on her to ease your mind."

"I have to now that I know you fed her Chinese food and then left her home alone while she's sick."

"I told you, she hadn't been sick in a few hours; she told me to come."

"I don't care," Johanna stated. "Your place is with her."

"She'll be fine until I get back…and you can follow me over."

"I will…I'll just stop in for a minute to make sure she's feeling better."

"You don't have to rush; not that I think she'll let you run in and right back out," Castle remarked; "You can stay awhile."

"We'll see; she might not be up to company."

"A visit from friends, probably not…but you're her mother; she always wants to see you."

Johanna gave her attention to her lunch, refraining from saying that not too long ago it hadn't seemed that way at all.

Castle allowed a few beats of silence to linger as he took a few bites of his lunch but then he decided to go back to his original topic. "I feel like the Facebook topic got quietly stonewalled," he remarked; "So I'll move on from it."

"Has my Facebook offended you, Rick?" Johanna asked.

"Honestly; no," he admitted. "I was mostly amused by the subtle hints that you hated every moment of the wedding planning. A few months ago I probably would've been offended."

"That's why I blocked you."

"We'll look at the blocking as the cooling off period," he quipped.

"Okay, we can call it that," she replied; after all, she didn't really want to analyze her Facebook page.

Castle took a drink of his coffee. "I am surprised that you haven't shared your news with Maggie…she is your best friend. I figure there isn't much you don't tell her."

"I would like to tell Maggie," Johanna admitted.

"So tell her. She's your best friend, she's trustworthy. Kate and I won't be mad if you want to tell her."

"It's not really that…it's that I have to find the right way to tell her."

Puzzlement flicked across his face. "Why?"

"Because Maggie has a grandson and she doesn't get to be a part of his life and that's very painful for her. She'd love nothing more than to be apart of his life…and hearing that I'm getting a grandchild that I'll get to see, at least I hope it stays that way, might be a little sad for her."

"I'm sure she'll be happy for you."

"I know she'll be happy or me…I just want to tell her in a way that respects her feelings. I'm overjoyed to be getting a grandchild of my own but I don't want to come off as too…"

"Exuberant?" he supplied.

"Yeah…and it's hard to find that balance between excitement and disinterest. I don't want to rub her face in it. She's my best friend; I know how hard it is for her to be excluded from Noah's life. It hurts her every day. She's been there for me through a lot…I don't want this to change our friendship."

"I really don't think you have to worry," Castle replied. "Maggie's not going to begrudge you your happiness."

"I know she won't begrudge it; but like I said, I don't want to feel like I'm rubbing her face in it. I want to tell her while also respecting her pain."

He nodded. "I understand…but you know, you can let her know that she can be included in your grandchild's life. Every baby needs honorary aunts, right?"

"The more the merrier…and I'm sure she'll like that but it won't be the same as being included in her own grandchild's life."

"I know," he replied; and then a thought occurred to him. "Question; Jeff is Kate's godfather, right?"

"Yes."

"But Maggie isn't her godmother?"

"No; Sharon is."

"Why is that?"

"It was supposed to be Maggie," Johanna stated; "Everything was planned and then about two days before Katie's christening, Maggie's paternal grandmother had a bad stroke and wasn't expected to make it, which she didn't, and she had to fly out to California. Maggie's father didn't like Jeff and didn't want him there so he stayed behind, although he hated to send Maggie alone. Maggie told Jim and I that she didn't want us to have to cancel the plans for Katie's christening and that there wouldn't be any hard feelings if we chose someone else so we could go through with things as scheduled…so I asked Sharon and she accepted."

"I see; that makes sense now. Are you a godparent to any of Jeff and Maggie's children?"

"Yes; Christina."

"And she's the one with a baby?"

"Yes; Noah."

"Maggie's never seen her grandson?"

"The closest she ever got to him was seeing him through the nursery window when he was born. Chrissy wouldn't allow her into the hospital room to visit. She won't allow her into her home. She doesn't visit Jeff and Maggie's home. If Jeff wants to see her and little Noah; he has to go to them. Maggie was barred from Chrissy's wedding; she was barred from Noah's first birthday party last month."

"Did Jeff go?"

"Yes, of course. Maggie insists that he go to anything Chrissy invites him to; birthday parties, dinners, holiday gatherings. He goes and he takes pictures and videos of the baby to show her when he gets home."

"That's…sad," he said for lack of better words.

"It is…Maggie would be a wonderful grandmother if Chrissy would give her a chance…but she's determined to keep punishing Maggie for the past. The few times they've come face to face, all Christina did was remind Maggie that she had an affair and ruined her marriage…as if she's in danger of forgetting."

Castle swallowed a bite of his sandwich. "But on the flip side, I guess it's hard for her daughter to forget the hurt that was caused by Maggie's choices."

"No one has asked her to forget. Maggie has apologized; she's tried to explain what she was going through at that time…she didn't ask Chrissy to forgive her; she just asked her for a chance to show her that she's still the person she was before all that happened. That she loves her and still wants to be her mother, wants to be a grandmother. Like I said; Chrissy barred her from her wedding, from the baby's birthday party. If there's a family gathering that Chrissy wants to attend, Maggie can't go or Chrissy throws a fit and accuses people of siding against her. Maggie's involvement with her own family seems to hinge on where Christina is going to be because she thinks she rules the world. She acts like Maggie killed someone and got away with it."

"An affair that rips your family apart isn't easily gotten over or forgiven," Castle remarked. "She doesn't get a free pass just because she's your friend, Johanna."

"No one said it had to be easily forgiven…no one said she should have a free pass. I didn't approve of her having an affair; it was wrong. I didn't condone it in any way. When that idiot she ran off with convinced her to keep the kids from Jeff, I went after her myself…Jeff got to see his kids after that but it cost me my friendship. Maggie wasn't herself in those days; she wasn't the woman any of us knew. It blindsided everyone. She did tear her family apart; she did hurt people. She made the wrong choices…and she's paid for those choices. In the end, she was alone and full of regrets. She's been punished in ways a lot of people don't realize…believe me, she learned the hard way."

Castle wasn't sure he believed that but he didn't say so for the moment. "What was her excuse for the affair?"

"I believe it would be termed as a midlife crisis," Johanna replied. "She wasn't happy with herself…she didn't know how to fix what was wrong; didn't know how to talk about it or how to ask for help. She felt like everything was wrong. The kids were getting older, didn't need the constant attention and care that younger kids need. Jeff was traveling a lot for work. She was lonely in some ways…she was bored with her work. She took a teaching position at NYU and that's where she met David. From what I've been told, it seems like he picked up on her vulnerability. He pursued her and egged her on…and the affair happened. She married him, moved to the Hamptons and the marriage unraveled over the few years they were together. They divorced shortly after Jeff and Melanie got married. Before you say it, no, those things don't excuse what she did…but she had a long hard fall to the bottom…just like I did; and there has to be a time when the past can be in the past and you can move on."

"Maybe in a perfect world," he remarked; "But this isn't a perfect world and everyone's past can't just be forgotten."

"No says it has to be forgotten…it could just be left where it belongs. How long are people supposed to pay? You're sitting there judging Maggie for what she did…and yet from what I've heard; you had no problem, shall we say, hooking up, with the wife who cheated on you every time she rolled into town…so apparently you were able to look past the hurt she caused her family. You've even allowed her to stay in your home…while in a relationship with my daughter; which just for the record, I didn't think very much of; it seemed a little disrespectful, but that's just me."

"Meredith was there for Alexis. Alexis was sick."

"Alexis was eighteen…and her mother clearly didn't care to nurse her through any other illness in her life…but she suddenly decides to play mommy when she learns your girlfriend is staying there…seems a little suspicious to me; but again, that could just be me."

"Kate didn't have a problem with it."

Johanna's brow rose. "Are you sure about that?"

He thought it over. "Okay, not much of a problem with it."

"Rick."

"There may have been some comments…and a demand that she stays at a hotel for future visits if Alexis is still under our roof."

"That's what I thought."

"Let's go back to talking about your friend," he stated.

"Why?"

"Because she's your best friend and I'm interested in this story. Has Jeff advocated on her behalf to the daughter."

"Of course he does; he spends half his life advocating for Maggie. He told Chrissy if he could forgive her, surely she could get past it. Chrissy didn't care for that statement."

"Well…she probably doesn't understand how he could take her back after what she's done."

"He loves her; he never stopped."

"Yeah…but…"

Johanna brushed back a lock of her hair. "You know, Rick; when Maggie and I would sit in the Crystal bar after work at times back before we were married and had kids and major life mistakes; this wasn't how we envisioned our lives. This isn't what we pictured or dreamed about. We didn't sit there and say 'I can't wait to open the wrong letter and have to end up in witness protection; or I can't wait to destroy a good marriage with an affair because I got bored and lonely'. All we wanted was to marry the men we loved, have babies, have successful careers, retire with more wins than losses…see our kids get married and have babies of their own; see the world with our husbands…we just wanted the dream that everyone wants. We never thought about it all falling apart…never thought it would be our own hands that would tear it all down. I take a case…a case that was just supposed to be like the hundreds of other cases; a little more challenging maybe but a case none the less…and in an instant, my world is spiraling out of control and everything is destroyed. I'm ripped away from my family, my friends, my job, my life, even my name. I didn't go into that case thinking something like that was going to happen. Maggie didn't just wake up one day and say 'today's the day I have an affair to shake things up'…things happen…bad things, wrong things, things we don't understand, sometimes things we can't control. In our 20s, we built our careers, met the men we loved and married; in our 30s we were mothers; in our 40s we went from dreading the inevitable empty nest to our lives falling apart after having it together for so long…and then we woke up one day in our early 60s just trying to find our way back home again. That's all we had wanted for years; just to get back home…I came home. Maggie came home…and here we were, sliding down the backside of middle age, rebuilding marriages, trying to rebuild relationships with children who are now adults…trying to make amends, trying to rebuild friendships, trying to take on new roles, like being a grandmother; atone for sins…just trying to get people to realize that we're still the women we were before we lost control. It's not how we pictured this stage of our lives…but we get up every day and we do it; because we don't have a choice. We know there are people who don't understand either one of our situations, reasons, choices. We know we're both judged for choices we made…we know there's always going to be that one person who never let's you forget what you did. But we made it home and I think we're both a lot better than we were two years ago…is there room for improvement? Yes. Things we'd still like to change? Yes. But we do the best we can…and laugh about the problems those former 20-somethings thought they had," she said with a wistful laugh. "Those girls at the Crystal bar thought they had it tough at times…they had no idea what they were in for."

"I guess that's probably true for most people," Castle remarked. "Nothing ever goes exactly according to plan."

"That's right, it doesn't…and everyone makes mistakes along the way. What Maggie did was wrong, but she's paid the price for it. I know how she feels…there are a lot of people who feel I was wrong for going with the F.B.I. and allowing them to fake my death. They don't get that it wasn't something I enjoyed or wanted…they don't get that I've been punished for my mistakes in more ways than they can imagine. For some people, it just doesn't matter; no matter how many apologies or explanations you try to give, they don't want to give you a second chance. You don't have much choice but to get used to that; but that doesn't mean it ever stops hurting or goes away…it doesn't mean you stop wondering if things could change…if you'll ever be through with paying for the past. See, Maggie and I; we've got a lot of debts to pay and a people who don't want to accept payment…and it's hard to make your peace with knowing that you'll never be able to pay it off completely."

"I guess it's a good thing you two were able to become friends again," he stated.

Johanna nodded. "I thank God for it every day."

"How did you meet Maggie?"

"We worked at the same law firm, you know that."

"Yeah; but how did you become friends?"

Johanna shrugged a little. "We were both hired at the same time right after graduation. Roche always had a little orientation type of thing when he'd have a group of new employees coming in, and that year he did. I met Maggie at that meeting. Our offices were on the same floor and we'd run into each other in the breakroom and talk. Then not long after we were hired, we had to work on a case together and we were friends ever since."

"And Sharon was with you then too?"

"Yes, she was my secretary from day one and all through my career…although she pushed her luck at times."

"You thought of firing her?" Castle asked.

"Many times."

"What stopped you?"

She glanced down at her plate. "Misguided loyalty I suppose."

Castle allowed that statement to hang in the air, figuring that he wouldn't go down that road today…after all they both knew that Sharon didn't share that same sense of loyalty. "So which friend ended up being your maid of honor?" he asked instead.

"Maggie."

"Why not Sharon?"

"Because she didn't deserve the title."

His brow rose. "No?"

"No."

"But Maggie did?"

She nodded. "Yeah; Maggie did. I didn't always realize it back then, mainly due to that misguided loyalty; but Maggie was always a better friend than Sharon was in those days. Once Sharon became entangled with Phil, she changed and our friendship was never the same. Maggie was always there for me when I needed her. She's the type of person who will drop what she's doing to be there if you need her; she'll listen to you cry, she'll rant and rave with you, she's more than happy to jump into a fight with you and would gladly go to jail with you for it if you can't escape the cops. Sharon, on the other hand, would rather stand around crying that she doesn't feel like going to jail…even though you were once her alibi when she was slashing her ex-boyfriend's tires."

Castle's eyes brightened, a grin touching his lips. "You lied to the cops!" he exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

"I had to," she replied.

"Why?"

"I didn't want Sharon to go to jail…and I didn't want to be charged as an accessory, my father would've killed me. Besides; they couldn't prove we weren't in our dorm room like I said."

"How would you have been an accessory?"

"I was there when she slashed the tires."

"You were there!"

"Yeah...but slashing the tires wasn't my idea. I just said key the car."

"So…you've lied to the cops in the past; does that mean you and Maggie might have gone to jail once? Because I feel like it might've been alluded to and that Sharon was a chicken and didn't go with you."

"No; we didn't go to jail…we were just willing to…there was a scuffle in a bathroom at the law firm New Year's Eve party one year."

"This is great," Castle said; "Tell me all about it…who was scuffling?"

"Me and a bimbo."

"Who was the bimbo?"

"Melanie," Johanna said, venom in her voice.

"Even better," he exclaimed; "Now I can really picture it…how much scuffle was there?"

"Well there was some name calling, trash talking, shoving, hair pulling, scratching…that type of thing and Maggie got into with Melanie's little shadow Callie and said she was more than willing to take her on. I had just drew back to hit Melanie when Sharon jumped in and stopped it…the coward. I don't think I've ever really forgiven her for robbing me of that moment."

"Maybe you should've hit Sharon," Castle replied.

"I wish I had."

He laughed. "What caused this holiday scuffle between you and Melanie?"

"She got her hooks into my date and kept him talking to her for forty-five minutes while I'm sitting alone at our table. I was pissed, to say the least. Maggie, Sharon and I were in the bathroom touching up our makeup when Melanie, Callie and Jillian came in to run their mouths. She had to inform me that I didn't have what it took to hold on to a man; that I wasn't his type, he was never going to be mine…God I wanted to deck her."

"Who was your date?"

Johanna glanced at him. "Jim."

"Oh, this just got even better," he murmured, interest gleaming in his eyes. "Jim was distracted by a bimbo while on a date with you? That seems so unlike him."

"Well, Rick; he was young and easily distracted back then like most men are at that age…and we weren't dating…not that that mattered to me, I figured if I went with him, then he was officially mine for the night and I did not appreciate him allowing that whore to get in the way; especially when he knew how I felt about her."

"Epic fail on his part," he agreed; "Maybe you should've punched him."

"I slapped him the next morning."

"What!?" he exclaimed.

She sighed. "It wasn't one of my finer moments, Rick. I'm not nice when I'm hungover…especially when I was already angry before I got drunk."

"Why did you slap him?"

"Because I didn't want to be kissed at that moment in time and he didn't get the hint until I slapped him."

"Yeah; that gets a hint across," Castle agreed. "Sounds like a hell of a New Year's."

"It was…although there are parts of it I don't remember because we got very drunk after we left the law firm party."

"You probably wouldn't have had to drink so much if Sharon hadn't interrupted your fight."

"That's probably true…every time I think of her interference, I just want to drive to her house, knock on the door and punch her when she opens it."

"Fight the urge; you've got family in the police department now."

"Yeah…Katie's badge is the reason I've fought a lot of urges the last few years."

Castle laughed. "I'm sure she appreciates it…but getting back to Maggie; I guess she's what they term a ride or die friend."

"Yeah," Johanna said with a nod. "She is; always has been, always will be…and she believes in second chances."

"Then you really shouldn't worry about telling her your news," he replied. "She's still going to be your friend; she's not going to bail on you just because you're going to get to be a part of your grandchild's life."

Johanna pushed the last bite of her food around on her plate. "I know it's irrational…I know she'll be happy for me…I just don't want her to be distant because of her own situation. I'm not saying she will be…just that I worry about it a little…because I don't know exactly how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I mean I'd be happy for her of course; but I'd also be sad for myself…I just…I don't know; I worry about stupid things. I always have."

"No, I get it," Castle said; "You worry about being too excited and making her feel the ache of missing her grandchild more acutely…and maybe you're not just worried about how it could change your friendship with Maggie; because I really don't think it will…I think maybe you're just a little nervous about becoming a grandmother."

"Why be nervous about that?" Johanna asked. "I'm just getting promoted from mother to grandmother."

"It's a job you never held before…things are changing; maybe it makes you nervous, despite being happy about it; so you focus on it in the aspect of it affecting your friendship with Maggie."

She shrugged. "I don't know about all that; I haven't really thought about it a lot in terms of change."

"Are you sure about that? Or do you start to think about it and stop and look at cute baby clothes online because the baby part is easy to focus on and not the other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

"Like changing family dynamics…about being a first time grandmother; about how the word grandmother is perceived…"

"I don't feel old," Johanna remarked; "I don't feel my age at all and I don't dwell on the number. I want to be a grandmother; I don't have a problem with a baby calling me Grandma."

"I know you want the job; but I think it would be natural to have some nerves about it…all things considered."

She met his eye. "I don't really want to think about it in terms of nerves because there's nothing for me to be nervous about."

"Okay," he said; figuring it was best to let that conversation end for now. Things were going well and he was sure he had her convinced to pay Kate a visit so he didn't want to rock the boat.

"Thanks for lunch," Johanna said after she had swallowed the last bite.

"You're welcome…how was the no list topic thing? Did that work for you?"

Johanna breathed deeply. "Well, I don't feel a need for alcohol, Advil or anti-depressants, so I'd say it was a lot better than some lunches we've had so far."

"Good," Castle replied. "I'm glad I picked the right plan…I never can tell with you sometimes."

She smiled a little. "Don't worry, Rick; I'll still regard lunch topics with slight suspicion."

He nodded. "I'm going to consider that a point of normalcy and take the win. Do you want dessert to celebrate a successful meal?"

"No; you need to go home to my daughter. She's been alone long enough; you didn't even call and check on her."

"She's fine," he assured; "And remember, you're going too and see her for yourself."

"Yeah," Johanna said with a nod; "I'll stop in and check on her and tell her no more Chinese food until after the baby is born."

"I told you, you can stay for longer than a minute. Mother isn't there; she isn't due back until the end of the week. Alexis isn't there either, she's at school. It's just Kate and I."

"I'll see if she's up to a visit of longer than a few minutes."

"I'm sure for you she will be," he stated; "Besides, she might need some of that maternal comfort."

"I'm sure you comforted her just fine," she replied; a part of her still feeling like she was struggling with balance, wanting to be there for her daughter for everything but also not wanting to get in her son-in-law's way.

"Yeah, from the husband angle; but you know, comfort from her mother is always good for her to have too. The more comfort the better, right?"

"Yes, I guess that's true…I just don't want to intrude too much."

"You're not," he promised as he signaled for the check; "You've been invited…so I'll get the check and we'll go see Kate, okay?"

"Okay," Johanna said as she picked up her jacket to slip on; wondering if she'd ever feel like she had the balance thing figured out…but she did want to see Katie; wanted to make sure she was alright; that she was getting enough fluids and had gotten something in her stomach that would stay down. She wanted to give comfort and love and reassurance…even if only for a few minutes. At least Martha wouldn't be there, that would take some stress off the idea of visiting.

"You ready?" Castle asked; breaking into her thoughts.

"Yeah; I'm ready…sorry, I guess I was daydreaming."

He gave her a knowing smile. "I have a feeling it was more like contemplating if visiting was alright, and it is…so I guess really we are working on a list topic."

Her brow furrowed as she slid out of the booth. "And what would that be?"

"Making you know that visiting is something you're welcome to do," Castle stated as she grabbed her purse. "See, even when I'm not trying, the mission continues on its own. It's a sign from the universe, we're meant to have family unity."

Johanna glanced at him. "Don't make me start craving wine this late in the game, Rick."

"Right; we're going with subtlety today…but just know that I respect the universe."

"I know…you've told me."

"Hey; at least the visit thing is one of those hands on topics…we're not really discussing it; it's an action that's being carried out."

"It's a visit to my daughter who is home from work because she's sick," she replied. "Let's just call it that…keeps the pressure off, you know what I mean?"

"Yes," he answered; she didn't want to feel like she was being tested…but perhaps in a small way it was a test; one that she was passing so far by agreeing to come over…and if she stayed for longer than five minutes; he'd say she passed the second part and they could work on getting her to the third phase…visiting on her own without multiple assurances that she was truly welcome there; but until then, he'd hang onto the victory that they had gotten through lunch without a specific topic at hand and that he'd convinced her to visit this time.

 _A/N: Next chapter we'll see that visit to Kate and some mother/daughter moments!_


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 21

After parking his car in the garage, Castle got out and waited for Johanna to exit her own car. He couldn't help but wonder if she was stalling as he watched her fiddle with things in the car and then check her purse. Was she really that uncomfortable visiting their home? He thought that knowing that his mother and Alexis weren't there would take the pressure off of her…but maybe not…after all, he was still there and that seemed to be a different type of pressure, one he hadn't found a cure for. He wished it wasn't that way and despite his bravado, he wasn't exactly sure how to make her feel more comfortable about the idea of visiting. They couldn't force her to come over…they couldn't guarantee there wouldn't be any faux pas or incidents. It was something that would need thought and concentrated effort. He was good at those things; at least he thought so. The problem was, Johanna Beckett didn't always cooperate.

Castle breathed deeply as her car door opened; he was surprised he had gotten her to come by today. That felt like slight progress…and he had to be careful not to blow it. Johanna got out of her car, closing the door and locking it before dropping her keys into her purse. Castle watched her as she glanced around the parking garage before walking toward him.

"Does the garage make you nervous?" he asked.

"A little…too many shadows for people to hide in," Johanna answered.

"Is that a feeling you've always had or does it stem from…," he trailed off, unsure of what to call it. The Bracken debacle? The incident? The Wyoming era? The past? Nothing seemed quite right; especially when it was a painful period of time to refer to in the first place.

"It's something I've always felt," she remarked. "My mother never liked them either. I've probably watched too many cop shows over the course of my life…and as a woman, my mother and grandmother always warned me about places to be wary of as they might pose the risk of danger."

"Your father didn't warn you about places like parking garages?"

"No; he only warned me about backseats."

"Backseats?" Castle repeated.

"Yeah; he told me to stay out of them."

He smirked a little in amusement. "Did you listen?" he couldn't help but ask.

She glanced at him. "For a good while."

"And then?"

"None of your business."

Castle laughed. "That pretty much points to guilt. Does Jim know about this?" he teased.

"I certainly hope so; he's the one who finally talked me into it," she stated as she started walking across the garage in the direction of the elevator.

"Somehow I knew I shouldn't have gone down that road," he remarked lightly as he caught up to her.

"You never learn, Rick."

"Apparently not," he replied, figuring he better find another topic and keep her talking, thinking that it might keep her relaxed about stopping by. Returning to their lunch topic seemed like a safe avenue. "So, do you talk about me to Maggie?"

"Yes," his mother-in-law replied.

He smiled. "Do you brag about me really well?"

"Who said I brag?" she asked. "I don't recall saying that at all."

He eyed her warily. "What do you tell her?"

Johanna smiled. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes," he said as they reached the elevator. "Are you telling her bad things about me?"

"I tell her things I feel a need to share."

"Why?" Castle asked as he pushed the button.

"Well, for one thing, she's my best friend. Second, Maggie doesn't get to know her son-in-law so I have to make her feel better by letting her know that they're not as much fun as they sound like in books and on TV."

He smirked in amusement. "And how do you accomplish making her feel better about that?"

"I tell her to look on the bright side; at least she doesn't have to go to 'be a better mother-in-law' lunches."

The elevator doors slid open and they stepped inside. "What does Maggie say about that?"

"She says she wouldn't go and that I must be mellowing with age…because if this was the 70s, I would've done smacked the stupid out of you."

Castle laughed as he pushed the button for his floor. "I see why you and Maggie are such good friends…and you're not all that mellow."

"That's what I told her."

"What does she say to that?"

Johanna gripped her purse strap tightly. "She always asks why I go and I tell her the truth…I only have one child and I'm desperate to stay in her life in any way I'm allowed. Chrissy might hate Maggie but Maggie also still has two other children who don't hate her…so, she's not totally abandoned in the children scheme of things."

Castle allowed that sentiment to settle as the elevator began to rise. "Kate always wants you, even when things are difficult."

"I would like for the difficult times to be few and far between…that's why I try to find a comfortable balance."

"I think maybe you do a little better with that than you think."

She glanced at him. "If that was true, I wouldn't be attending 'be a better mother-in-law lunches."

He smiled. "You really like calling them that; don't you?"

"I call it as I see it," she replied; "And I've only bailed once so you can't say I haven't cooperated with it."

"Is that a loose definition of cooperate that you're using?"

"Don't start," Johanna warned.

Castle nodded. "Right. We're going to have a nice visit."

She hoped so, Johanna thought to herself; but she wouldn't let her guard down too much just in case.

* * *

While Castle had been gone, Kate had managed a small nap but the emptiness of her stomach had kept her from sleeping as long as she would've liked. She sighed a little as she stood in the kitchen, contemplating what her stomach could handle. She was getting sick of saltines that was for sure. She glanced toward the refrigerator; she'd probably be able to find something easier if she opened the door and looked inside to take stock of what they had but she knew the cartons of leftover Chinese food were in there…and just the sight of them would probably make her sick.

Kate grimaced at the thought of being sick again; her muscles ached from being so sick the night before and she couldn't help worrying if that would impact the baby…although she was sure the baby was accustomed to her throwing up. Another sigh crossed her lips as her stomach grumbled; really she knew what she wanted to eat…she had been craving it on and off all morning but wasn't sure she could stand to cook it herself.

The scrape of a key in the lock pulled her from her thoughts as the door opened. "Castle?" she called out.

"It's me," her husband answered. "I brought you something."

"If it's takeout, go throw it away," she replied; "I think I'm off takeout for awhile."

"Nope, not takeout," Castle said as he stepped into her view, Johanna trailing behind him. "I caused your mother concern for your wellbeing and persuaded her to come check on you."

Kate smiled as her eyes met her mother's, her feet carrying her forward to embrace her. "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, sweetheart," Johanna said as she hugged her tightly. "How are you feeling?" she asked, pulling back just enough to lay her hand against her daughter's forehead and cheek, checking for signs of fever.

"Better than last night," Kate answered.

"You're pale," her mother remarked. "We need to get some color back into your cheeks."

"I know; I look like hell. I was sick a lot."

"I know, Rick told me. No more Chinese food," Johanna stated.

"Yeah; that's what the doctor said too."

"You called the doctor?" Castle asked.

"Yeah," his wife answered; "I just wanted to see if she thought it was the food too…she agreed and said no more Chinese food…and believe me, I don't think I ever want to eat Chinese food again."

"Yeah, might've put me off of it too," Castle remarked with a grimace.

"I really am sorry about your shoes," Kate said.

"Not your fault," he told her. "I'm the one who took them off outside the bathroom door and left them there."

"I know; but I feel bad for getting sick on them before I made it to the sink."

"It's fine," he said with a smile. "Don't worry about it. I've got other shoes."

"Yeah; but you had to clean up the mess."

"You're my wife, cleaning up when your sick isn't a big deal. Besides, you're not the first person I've had to clean up after."

"I know…but I got cranky too…"

"It's okay; I'm getting used to your mood swings," he said and then seeing Johanna grimace slightly, he smiled sheepishly; "I probably should've worded that better."

"It's fine," Kate said; "I know, I'm a bitch."

"You're not!" he said, his eyes widening. "I never thought that."

"It's okay if you do…I know I am; I hear myself."

Castle glanced to Johanna. "Help me," he whispered.

She smiled a little, her hand rubbing against her daughter's back. "You're not a bitch, sweetheart; you're just pregnant…and remember, I told you, husbands understand mood swings and they forgive them in this circumstance…right, Rick?"

"Yes, absolutely; I don't take it personally at all…besides, it's partially my fault…you didn't get this way alone."

"That's true," Kate stated.

"Yes…and sometimes I don't heed your warnings when you're feeling a little moody and I just keep going…"

"He does have that habit," Johanna agreed.

"See," Castle said with a smile; "Even your mother can agree me with me on this topic so we must be right."

A small smile tugged at Kate's lips. "I just feel like a mess today."

"Well it's no wonder," Johanna consoled. "You shouldn't have sent Rick to lunch; he should've been here with you."

"I was having a moment," her daughter replied. "I needed him to go."

Castle smiled at his mother-in-law. "See, I told you…she yelled at me to come home, Kate."

"Well of course she did," his wife stated. "Did she hit you with her purse? Because she's been known to do that on occasion."

"No, but thanks for the warning," he answered. "Speaking of which, Johanna, why don't you let me put your purse and jacket in the closet so you can stay awhile."

"I just wanted to check on Katie," she said; "I don't want to intrude when Katie's home from work today."

"You're not intruding; I told you that."

"I know; but I figure you probably don't get a lot of time alone here, especially on a week day and I know I value my time alone with my husband and I assume Katie values her time as well," Johanna remarked.

"We have a lot of time together," Kate remarked.

"She's right," Castle stated; "So, again, you're not intruding…you'd be doing me a favor if you stay actually."

"How's that?" his mother-in-law asked.

"If you stay, you can keep her company while I do some writing; I have a deadline for one of the Nikki Heat novellas and I need to get some work done…so really you'd be doing me a favor and keeping me from feeling like a neglectful husband."

Johanna glanced to Kate who had slipped her hand into hers. "Yeah, why don't you stay for awhile? We can watch Temptation Lane together like we always did on sick days."

Her mother smiled and squeezed her hand. "Okay, I'll stay," she told her, although she still wasn't sure it was the best thing to do.

"You didn't have anything else to do, did you?" Kate asked.

"No; I didn't have any other plans for today. I already ran my errands and I did my grading last night. I'm free to keep you company."

"Good," she said with a smile. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too," Johanna replied as she handed her purse to Castle and then her jacket as well.

"Did you get a new jacket?" Kate asked.

"Yeah; it's a little heavier than the blue one you got me. That one was on sale over the weekend while your father and I were out, he got it for me."

"I like it; it looks nice on you too."

"Thank you. Have you ate anything today?"

"Just some crackers."

"Were you sick while I was out," Castle asked as he returned to the kitchen.

"No; I've been fine," she answered.

"You should try to eat something a little more substantial if it's been awhile since the last time you were sick," Johanna said. "I know you probably don't feel like it, but you need to for the baby this time."

"Actually, I am starting to feel a little hungry," Kate replied; a small smile on her lips. "I know what I want but I don't know if I can cook it without turning my stomach."

"What do you want?" her mother asked.

"Scrambled eggs," she answered; "Will you make me scrambled eggs?"

"Of course I will," Johanna remarked; but then glimpsing her son-in-law, she thought that maybe she shouldn't be so quick to volunteer; she didn't want to step on his toes. He was her husband; he'd want to take care of her. "Unless Rick wants to do that."

Castle shook his head, knowing that she was being cautious, trying not to overstep. "No; it's fine, you can do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah; I make her breakfast all the time lately; you're free to take a shift," he replied lightly. "You're on the breakfast for lunch shift."

A smile crossed her lips. "Alright; I'll gladly take that shift. Do you want some toast with it, Katie?"

"Yeah…and I want strawberry jelly on it."

Johanna regarded her with a raised brow. "I thought you preferred grape? I know I had to start buying you grape once you got attached to it at your grandmother's house when you were little."

"I know, but I just have this craving for strawberry jelly on toast and scrambled eggs," Kate replied. "Is it too early to be getting cravings?"

"No; you're right on schedule," Johanna replied. "Rick; you want to help me get the things I need together? I don't want to go poking through your fridge and the cupboards."

"We have nothing to hide in the fridge or the cupboards," he remarked as he moved further into the kitchen and got her a skillet and the utensils she needed, along with the required dishes.

"We don't have any strawberry jelly," Kate said as she looked through the cupboard; a small hint of disappointment in her voice.

"I can run to the store up the street and get you strawberry jelly," Castle remarked; "It's not a problem."

"But you have work to do on your book; I should've checked and called before you got home."

"Kate; it's not a problem to run to the store; it won't take long. Do we need anything else?"

"How about some orange juice, Katie? It might help you feel better and it'll get some more vitamins into you."

She nodded. "Get us more orange juice; the bottle in the fridge is almost empty."

Castle took his notebook from his pocket and started jotting the items down. "Anything else we need or want?"

Kate thought for a moment. "Mom, what were those crackers Grandma Liz always gave everyone when they had an upset stomach? I've been trying to remember and meant to ask you; I haven't had them in a long time."

"Graham crackers," Johanna answered. "Get her a box of those, Rick; that way she can have an alternative to saltines so she doesn't get tired of them."

"Got it," he said as he wrote it down.

"Get some more Sprite too," Kate added; "And that should do it for now…except there is one thing I want you to do for me."

"Name it," her husband replied.

"Those leftovers from last night…please take them out of the fridge…and out of the loft and throw them away. I can't bring myself to open the fridge because I know they're in there and looking at them is going to make me sick," she stated.

"No problem," Castle said as he got a trash bag. "Johanna, hold the bag open; Kate turn your back and maybe walk a few feet away just in case."

"Count on it," she said as she walked to the other end of the loft, keeping her back to the kitchen as Castle hoped the fridge and took out the containers, tossing them into the bag Johanna held open for him. When he finished, she tied the bag shut and handed it to him.

"Okay; it's in the bag and I'm leaving to get rid of it and then run to the store; I'll be right back," he stated.

"We'll be here," Kate told him, keeping her back to him as he headed to the door.

"Rick; let us know when you're on your way back and I'll start the eggs then," Johanna stated.

"No problem," he said before opening the door and slipping outside.

"Alright, Katie; it's safe," Johanna said.

Kate turned around and made her way back to the kitchen, slipping onto one of the bar stools at the counter. "So, how was lunch?"

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yes."

Kate eyed her mother. "Are you sure about that?"

Johanna met her gaze. "I'm here aren't I? Would I be here in your home if things hadn't been fine?"

"You might be if you were worried enough," she replied.

"I was worried but I could've called. It was fine."

"Okay," Kate replied. "What was today's topic?"

"Nothing really," Johanna said. "He talked about you being sick and I told him no more Chinese food. I also told him I'd find you the tea your grandmother gave me; it should help with the sickness."

"That would be nice…last night I felt really stupid for being upset about not being sick a few days ago."

"I told you it would be back."

"I know…and I'm sure it makes you happy to say I told you so."

"It doesn't make me happy that you're sick but some things I know."

"Yeah; I know…you've been telling me that all my life."

Johanna smiled. "And one day you're child will hate it when you do the same thing…God I hope it's a girl."

"I've gotten that memo too," Kate replied, a smile tugging at her lips. "I don't know what you're going to do if it's a boy."

"I'll cry a little but I'll love it just the same and hope for a girl for the next time."

"Whatever the case may be; I don't think my child is going to like Chinese food so apparently it's already taking after you."

Johanna narrowed her eyes at her slightly, a gleam of amusement shining in them. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Oh I'd never do that," Kate said dramatically.

"Uh huh; but if I was you, I'd avoid all Asian food until after the baby is born."

"Believe me, I don't even want to see a menu for a Chinese place," she replied with a grimace.

"I know the feeling; you put me off hot dogs for years…and really, I still don't eat them all that often. It's a shame too; I always liked having a hot dog at a baseball game or at a picnic."

"That explains why you declined them so often," Kate remarked. "I just always figured you were a little bit of a picky eater."

"No; pregnancy ruined them for me but it's alright; they're not all that good for you anyway. At least that's what they claim, who really knows?"

Kate smiled a little. "So what else did you discuss at lunch today?"

Johanna rolled her eyes. "When I blocked him on Facebook. Can I have a drink?"

"The fridge is four steps away from you, Mom; help yourself."

Johanna went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. She opened it and took a long drink as her daughter eyed her.

"I think your topic was probably more about when you blocked _us_ on Facebook," Kate remarked. "I still can't believe you blocked me!"

"Oh please; you didn't even notice. You would've never known if you hadn't ran into Alicia," her mother replied. "You had already been blocked for three months."

"I can't believe you blocked me for three months!"

Johanna shrugged. "It's not like I disowned you."

"I think Facebook blocking is the first step in the process," Kate stated; "And after I was unblocked; I did see that cute little quote you shared about ungrateful daughters."

"I was having a moment," her mother replied. "It struck a chord when I saw it."

"Mhmm…I suppose you can say the same for the quote about children who don't come around unless they want something."

She nodded. "Yeah; I was still having a moment…I had some very long moments during those months."

"Yeah; I really liked the picture of you and Dad dressed up for the wedding and the remark that 'the nightmare is almost over'."

"I heard about that one at lunch; you can ask your husband for a recap on that one," Johanna replied. "Sorry if it offended you."

"Oh no, it didn't offend me…why be offended three months later?" she asked. "After all, I think I pretty much knew your feelings about the situation at the time."

"It was good that your father had to go to London for that research project," Johanna replied. "I got to go with him, get away from everything…you were away…we didn't associate for six weeks. It was a little reset button and you're unblocked on Facebook; all is well."

"Sounds like you don't want to discuss this topic," Kate said lightly.

"Nothing to discuss; it's my page, it's private, only people I trust are on my friends list and I can post what I want."

Kate laughed. "Yeah; that's avoidance along with a defense argument for the jury."

"Call it what you want," Johanna replied. "It's still the truth."

"Mhmm. I was shocked though that you blocked me."

"Well if it makes you feel any better; I was surprised that you hadn't blocked me before I blocked you."

"I wouldn't block you."

Johanna eyed her knowingly. "You didn't block me because you didn't think of it."

Kate smirked at her. "I did have other things on my mind at the time."

"I know…just like I know it was petty to block you but it was just one of those things, you know? I just needed to know I did something even if it was stupid."

"The yelling and threats of boycott weren't enough?"

"No; they barely scratched the surface," Johanna replied. "Really I wanted to smack the hell out of you but I was afraid I'd bruise you and that wouldn't look good on your wedding pictures."

Kate laughed. "So Facebook blocking was your way of showing restraint?"

"Something like that. It was a difficult time."

"Yeah, I know…I was there."

Johanna took a seat on the stool beside her. "It's over now though; things are better now."

Her daughter nodded. "Yeah…but I wasn't sure they ever would be at the time."

"Yeah, me neither…but we don't need to talk about that today."

A change of topic did seem like a good idea, Kate thought to herself. They didn't need to review the melee of the early portion of the year. "How's work?"

"It's good," she answered; "How about yours?"

"Slow the last few weeks but I shouldn't complain about that…not only for myself but for the human race."

"True," Johanna remarked. "I know I'm always glad when you're having a slow week."

"I know, Mom…but it hasn't been six months since your last 'find a safer job' comment."

"Yes; but now you're pregnant so I can move that up if I so chose."

"Choose not to move it up."

"It's been wiped from my mind," Johanna replied, waving her with a graceful flourish. I should have you come to my class when we run through our mock cases; you could play the cop they have to have on the stand."

"That would be fun…but I unfortunately don't have the time for that with my real job as a cop."

"That's why I wish you could be there; you're a real cop…instead of having to have one of the students take that role. Any chance you could finagle it? Your Captain wouldn't mind you participating in educating the next set of legal minds would she?"

"I think she'd want me to do my job…but you can take Rick; he's been to court before and he likes to play cop."

"It's not the same," she sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because; I thought it would be nice if it was you…we'd get to work together for a very brief period."

"I know…but I don't think Gates would give me time to do it."

"It would only be two hours a morning for a few days."

"She definitely won't go for days….take Rick; he'll do it."

Johanna frowned. "I'll think about it."

"Who do you bring in to be the judge; Dad?"

"No; I get to be the judge!"

Kate laughed. "I should've known."

"That's right; my class, I get to be the judge," Johanna quipped. "I should bring him in to be the defense attorney…then I wouldn't have to be the defense attorney."

"Wait a minute, you're the judge and defense attorney? That doesn't sound very fair."

"It's my classroom; I'll be the defense attorney if I want to."

"I thought the kids were supposed to be the defense attorneys?"

"On this set of cases, they're in the role of prosecutor. They have to prepare the case and present it. On the next set, after we finish up these; they'll take the defense attorney role."

"I see; give them a taste of each side."

"Right…and if you should become available to play my cop; I'd be happy to have you come in."

"Martha might have some acting students who could play a cop for you."

"That's alright; I'll have one of the kids do it."

Kate smiled a little. "So you don't want me to ask Martha when she gets back."

"No; if I really need someone, I'll just ask my son-in-law to make himself useful."

"He'll be so happy to know that I got him on the list by bringing up his mother."

"He doesn't need to know everything; keep a little mystery in the marriage, Katie; it'll last that way."

Kate smirked at her. "I'm sure there aren't any mysteries left between you and Dad."

"Oh, I don't know…I still don't know how he can hit something and make it work and I can't."

"And that's part of the glue that holds you together?"

"That and the fact that he doesn't understand how I can eat ketchup but not tomatoes."

She laughed. "I'm not sure those things are holding you two together."

"Probably not; love holds us together."

"That's it?" she asked lightly.

"Love and the fact that he likes my cooking and wants to eat on a regular basis."

Kate chuckled. "Love and cooking are the glue that holds a marriage together?"

She nodded. "That and sex."

"Can't really argue with that," Kate admitted; "But I'm not going to go there."

"Please don't; I can't drink since I'm driving home and you can't drink because some of that marriage glue led to you being pregnant."

Her daughter laughed. "Is that going to be our new word for it; marriage glue?"

"I would be happy to hear that replace laundry service."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure you would," she replied; "But I'm never letting you live that one down."

"That's because you're a horrible little girl," Johanna remarked.

"But you love me anyway."

"Yes, I do; never doubt that."

"I don't," Kate said softly as her phone buzzed on the counter. She grabbed it and read the message on the screen. "Castle's on his way back."

Johanna nodded. "I'll start the eggs then…you might want to go in the other room while I make them, sweetheart. We don't want to chance upsetting your stomach again."

"You won't mind if I put some distance between me and kitchen while you do that?"

"No; not at all. I've been through this stage of wanting eggs but not being able to be near them during cooking," her mother replied. "It's fine; go watch TV; I'll let you know when it's done."

"Thanks, Mom."

"It's no problem…I like taking care of you when I get the chance."

"I know," Kate said as she leaned across the counter to kiss her mother's cheek. "Sometimes I like letting you do it."

Johanna smiled as she watched her go; she was just glad that she was allowed to do it once in awhile…and that her daughter liked it when she did. There had been too many times in the past few years when she had felt cut off and unwanted by her child and she hoped that maybe they were going to stay out of that dark area for a good long time.

* * *

"I'm back," Castle announced as he opened the door.

"And we're still here," Johanna announced from the kitchen.

He made his way to the kitchen with the bags, his eyes scanning the area for his wife. "Where's Kate? She didn't get sick again, did she?"

"No; we took precaution and she's watching TV while I cook," she answered as she dropped two slices of toast into the toaster. "Did you get the jelly?"

"I did," he said as he sat the bags on the counter and fished out the jar. He opened it for her and sat it near the plate she was putting the eggs on.

"Thank you," she told him.

"No problem," Castle replied, returning to the bags to put away the rest of his purchases. "How has she been?"

"She's fine…I'm just hoping that when she eats it'll stay down."

"I'm hoping that too."

"Either way; make sure you get her to eat some more later," Johanna replied. "Maybe some soup for dinner; she should be able to handle that."

"Any specific soup I should give her?" he asked; wanting to show her that he could listen to her advice.

"Maybe just stick with the cliché, Rick."

He smiled. "Chicken noodle?"

"Yeah; can't really go wrong with that one," she agreed, a smile of her own on her lips. "If she's up to it, give her a sandwich with it; if not, maybe more toast."

"Got it," he said before lowering his voice; "Any idea when the mood swings dwindle?"

"No real timeframe for that," she murmured; "Just hang in there."

He nodded. "I can do that."

"I'm sure you can," Johanna replied as she took the toast from the toaster and grabbed a knife to put the jelly on it; "Go get her and tell her that her food is ready."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Don't ma'am me," she told him, wrinkling her nose. "You know I hate being called that."

Castle grinned. "When I come back I can ask for ID to make sure you're of age to be out without a chaperone if that will make you feel better."

"That's more like it," she quipped.

He chuckled a little as he went off to get his wife while Johanna carried her plate and silverware to the table before going back to the kitchen to pour her a glass of juice.

"Still feeling okay, Katie?" she asked as she caught sight of her daughter.

"Yeah; just hungry," Kate replied as she sat down at the table. "I hope that means the baby is hungry and will allow the food to stay in there."

"We're hoping for the best," Johanna said, lacing her glass of juice by her plate before she took a seat at the table.

"You girls all settled?" Castle asked. "Does anyone need anything else?"

"I think we're fine," Kate told him; "Thanks for running to the store."

"I told you it wasn't a problem; it's part of my job," he said, kissing her forehead.

"I appreciate it anyway."

"I know; Johanna, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

"She needs someone to play a cop for her students mock cases," Kate announced around a bite of her eggs.

Castle's eyes lit up. "Me! Pick me!"

Johanna shot her daughter an amused smirk. "You had to do it, didn't you?"

"Well, you said you'd like to have someone and I know Gates won't give me the time to do it…but she's always happy to see my husband occupied for a few hours."

"Hey; she's warming up to me," he remarked; "She doesn't give me the death glare nearly as much as she used to."

"That's true," Kate said with a nod; "But your availability is still more open than mine."

"I'm game," he said; "Should I rent a cop costume?"

"No," Johanna replied; "No need for that."

"But I want to be authentic to the role."

"I didn't give you the role yet."

"But if you did, I could get a costume."

"No costume, Rick; this is a learning exercise, not Broadway."

"But all TV courts have a cop in uniform."

"I'm not looking for a bailiff, Rick; my kids need to question a 'cop' on the stand for their cases…you know, the arresting officer."

"Even better, am I one of those hard nosed cops that give smart ass answers?"

"Only when you're with your mother-in-law," Johanna quipped.

He grinned as he glanced at his wife. "See, we had a nice lunch so she's teasing me like a fun mother-in-law."

"You probably shouldn't say it that way," Kate replied; "You might not get to play the cop."

"I haven't assigned the role yet," Johanna stated.

"Yeah; but you should pick me," he stated; "I have experience…I can totally ad lib a testimony."

"Actually; you'll be given an outline of what should be in your responses," Johanna replied.

He thought it over for a moment. "I can work with that."

"See," Kate said as she glanced at her mother. "I told you he'd do it."

"I'll do it," Castle echoed. "Come on, you say we never have fun together."

Johanna rubbed her fingers across her forehead. "I feel like I'm going to regret bringing up this discussion earlier."

"I won't make you regret it," he told her. "I came to your class before, I followed the rules…I bought you chicken nuggets afterwards!"

She sighed a little. "Alright, Rick; you can be the cop. I'll let you know when I need you there."

"Great," he said, clapping his hands in response. "I won't let you down."

"I know…now don't you have a book to write so my grandchild will have a college fund?"

He smiled. "I assure you that your grandchild will be able to attend any university that it wants."

"Good; we'll aim for Columbia," Johanna remarked.

"I went to Stanford and NYU," Kate stated; "Maybe it'll want to go to one of those."

"Stanford's too far away," her mother retorted; "I didn't like letting you go there…I wanted you to go to Columbia like I did, but no, you had to be different."

"I heard the Stanford guilt trip enough when I was eighteen, Mom."

"The memory lingers."

"I think we'll change the subject."

"I'm going to go write that book," Castle stated; "You ladies change your subject and enjoy yourselves. Yell if you need me."

"We will but I'm sure we'll be fine," Kate replied. "Go write; I know you didn't get anything done last night."

"He probably could have if he had stayed off my Facebook page," Johanna stated.

"Wouldn't have been as much fun though," he said lightly as he headed toward his office.

Silence fell for a few moments as Kate nibbled at her food, praying all the while that it would stay down. "So was there any other topic for lunch today?" she finally asked.

Johanna shrugged. "Maggie in some ways which I'm not sure how she became a topic."

"How did Maggie come up?"

"Rick asked me if I told my friends about the baby; which I haven't…and he said he'd thought I'd at least tell Maggie."

"But you haven't?"

"No…I didn't know if I was allowed."

Kate shifted a little. "Maybe hold off for awhile; I don't want word getting around when I haven't told them at work yet."

"When will you be doing that?"

"I don't know yet."

"Then you might want to tell your husband that he shouldn't be telling people they can tell their most trusted friends," Johanna replied; "Because he said I could tell Maggie."

"Wait a little longer. I haven't even told my own friends," she remarked. "Has Dad told anyone?"

"Not that I know of," Johanna said, although she knew that Jim had mentioned their promotion to grandparents to his friend Craig…but they had also sworn Craig to secrecy so she wasn't worried.

"Well maybe tell him that he should keep it to himself for awhile longer just in case."

"I'll do that," she told her daughter.

"What was said about Maggie?"

"Well he asked why I hadn't told her and I said that when I do tell her, I want to do it in the right way. I don't rub it in her face that I'm getting a grandchild when I know it hurts her that she doesn't get to see her grandson."

"That's not on you," Kate replied. "Maggie doesn't get to see her grandson because of what she did."

"She cheated on Jeff…she didn't murder someone," Johanna stated. "If Jeff can get over it then Christina should find a way to get over it. She's ridiculous the way she acts. Maggie couldn't even go to that picnic celebrating Jeff's mother's birthday because Chrissy was going to be there and she threw holy fits about Maggie being invited and threatened not to come if her mother was in attendance. Jeff's mother wanted to see the baby, so of course Maggie had to be the one to stay home and it isn't the first time. It's not fair; she's paid for her mistakes and she shouldn't have to continue to be punished."

"Just because Jeff is crazy enough to forgive her doesn't mean Chrissy has to," Kate replied. "I really can't believe Jeff remarried her after what she did to him…that just blew my mind."

"Yeah, well, there are people who think your father is crazy for taking me back into his life too…but you know what, it's no one's business. Your father loves me and forgave me; I love him and we belong together. Jeff loves Maggie and forgave her; Maggie loves Jeff and they belong together. That's all that matters."

"There's a difference between you and Maggie…you didn't have an affair and leave Dad for another man."

"No; but I get judged as if I had left him on some whim like that. Take your Uncle Michael for instance…your father was in the hospital having surgery and he's there telling the nurses that he didn't believe that I was legally his brother's wife and that they shouldn't allow me to make any medical decisions…do you know what that was like? I had to call Agent Jenkins from the waiting room and have him fax proof that my identity was reestablished and that my marriage was valid and legal."

"I know…but still…Maggie destroyed her family and she has to take the consequences. I know she's your best friend and you love her…but come on, Mom; you can't expect people to overlook what she did."

"Oh believe me; I don't expect anyone to overlook what she did…how can I when no one can overlook anything I had to do? I just believe that people deserve second chances. I got mine and I wish Maggie could have hers with her daughter and be allowed to enjoy her grandson. It's not like she's a danger to Noah. I could see keeping her away if she was violent, a drug addict, abusive…but she's not those things. She had an affair; no it wasn't right but she's been trying to make amends."

"She may as well give up with Chrissy; she's never going to forgive her and she's never going to change her mind about blacklisting Maggie from every part of her life…and really, why would Jeff's mother want Maggie at her birthday party anyway? Maggie cheated on her son and left him."

"Brenda Campbell is a forgiving woman," Johanna remarked. "She always liked Maggie and she was happy when she and Jeff got back together. She's forgiven her; all that matters to her is that Jeff is happy."

"Some people might think that's a little too forgiving," Kate replied.

"I know you don't care much for Maggie because of what she did in the past," her mother replied; "But you haven't known her for as long as I have. I can't throw away our whole history just because she made a mistake. I know it's easy for some people to do that but not me…I believe in second chances."

"I don't have anything against you being friends with Maggie," she remarked. "I just don't think she should expect Chrissy to just forgive and forget."

"She didn't ask her to forgive and forget. She asked her to listen; she asked her to accept her apology and she asked her for a second chance."

"I don't think she's going to get one."

"Maybe you could talk to Chrissy," Johanna suggested; "Tell her it wasn't easy for you to give me a second chance either."

"Chrissy already thinks I'm crazy for forgiving you," she replied. "She says she wouldn't have done it."

"She really is being a little bitch," Johanna muttered. "Maggie and Jeff didn't raise her to be so uppity."

"You just called your Goddaughter a little bitch."

"So? It's not like she's my biological daughter."

Kate eyed her. "I'm sure you've probably used the word in relation to me."

"No, I don't think so…you, on the other hand, have called me a bitch to my face…more than once."

"The first time I got slapped; the other time I apologized."

"Mhmm; I can't wait until you have a daughter…you've got comeuppance coming for you in spades, my dear."

"I know; you've told me…I'll try not to take your glee personally."

"That's nice of you. I'm just glad you haven't followed Chrissy's example of a non forgiving life."

"I'm not Chrissy and you're not Maggie."

"I know…but there were times when…"

"We said we weren't going to discuss that," Kate remarked.

"I wasn't going to," Johanna replied. "Do you mind if I get my phone out of my purse?"

"No; why would I mind?"

"My purse is in your closet over there; I don't just take it upon myself to go opening other people's closets."

"It's not a big deal, Mom; go get it. What do you think we're hiding?"

"Nothing…I just respect your home."

"Well pretend it's your home and go get your phone. You don't need an engraved invitation and a pass code."

"Rick's right; you are cranky," Johanna said as she went to the closet to retrieve her phone. "Are you sure you want me to stay?"

Kate nodded, a small measure of remorse filling her. "Yeah; I'm sure. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she replied as she returned to the table with her phone. "Is anything bothering you besides not feeling well?"

She shrugged a little. "I worried that being sick so much last night might take a toll on the baby."

"The baby's fine, Katie. Just make sure you stay hydrated and that you get some food into you when the bouts of sickness end. How is your stomach feeling now that you're getting some food back into it?"

"Better," she admitted. "I'm not sure scrambled eggs ever tasted so good."

Johanna laughed softly. "And the toast?"

"Good too; I think I'll stick with jelly for awhile instead of butter. The jelly doesn't seem to be bothering me."

"Good choice; butter will be easier for you to handle in the second trimester."

"I'm glad to hear that; I do like butter."

"Yeah; that's a family thing," Johanna quipped. "Anything else on your mind?"

Kate took a sip of her juice and then breathed deeply. "Gates is probably getting suspicious. I've called off sick three times in the last eight weeks."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing really…which is what makes me feel like she's suspicious. I passed today's illness off as food poisoning…and prayed she wouldn't say I needed a doctor's note."

"You're going to have to tell her sooner or later."

"Later sounds good to me," she replied. "I just hope I don't have to call off anymore for awhile."

"I can't say you won't have to; but the morning sickness phase will be over soon…and if you stay away from take out for a few weeks, that might help too."

"Trust me; I'm staying away from it. Thanks for making me eggs," Kate said, a smile on her lips.

"It wasn't a problem; I'll make anything for you that you want; all you have to do is let me know."

"I will," Kate replied; "Let's go watch Temptation Lane."

Johanna smiled. "Perfect way to round off your sick day."

"My thoughts exactly."

* * *

They settled in together to watch their favorite soap opera, small talk and commentary springing up between them as they watched but toward the end of the show, Kate decided to broach a more important question she had been thinking about. "When do you think I'll start to show?" she asked.

"It's typically between the third and fourth month," Johanna answered. "I was about four months when you started to be noticeable; and then I could really only see it when I was changing clothes."

"Meaning it was hard to notice through the clothes for awhile?"

"Yes, for awhile it was still hard to tell; even though I knew it was there."

"Good," Kate murmured.

"Don't get used to it," her mother remarked. "It doesn't seem to last long."

"But it is possible to conceal it for awhile when it first starts to show?"

"When it first starts to show, depending on what you wear, it won't be all that noticeable; but like I said, it doesn't last long. Then the only option is to wear looser clothing if you're determined to keep it under wraps."

"How long can you get away with that?"

"I don't know," Johanna replied; "I would think not long…but I never tried to hide my pregnancy so I can't really say."

"You didn't try to hide it at work at all?"

"No…why would I?"

"Because," Kate said; "Didn't you worry about what people might say?"

"No…I was married and everyone knew I was madly in love with my husband so there was no question about the paternity of my child."

"That's not what I meant…I meant; didn't you worry the boss or clients might think a pregnant woman didn't belong in the courtroom? It might have been the late 70s but that kind of discrimination still existed back then."

Johanna shook her head. "I didn't worry about telling Roche that I was pregnant; it wasn't like I was the first woman in the building to get pregnant. Roche had a very good reputation for how he dealt with pregnant employees…you could even make the argument that he was a bit ahead of his time in that area and that was thanks to his wife's influence. He offered an eight week maternity leave opposed to the standard six. He allowed me to work up until two days before you were due; which was when my last open case wrapped up. I had a lot of personal days that I hadn't used so the work days I was off leading up to your birth, he marked as personal days. You were born on Saturday morning so he started my maternity leave that following Monday. I still had vacation time I hadn't used that was supposed to expire at the end of the year but he tacked that onto my maternity leave which gave me ten weeks home with you. When I told him I was pregnant and my due date; he started gradually lightening my case load so I wouldn't be under too much stress. He stopped assigning me new clients in late August so I could concentrate on wrapping up the cases that were on my schedule leading up to your due date. He couldn't have treated me any better."

"Are you sure he did that for everyone or did he just accommodate you because he liked you?"

"Roche did his best to accommodate every expectant mother that he employed. Sharon was given an eight week leave and given the option to tack her vacation time onto it as well but she declined that; she wanted to keep her vacation separate. Maggie had eight week leaves and I know at least once she tacked her vacation on to it. Like I said; he had a good reputation for handling pregnant employees. I didn't worry about telling him…and after you were born, he was accommodating again when I said no more out of town cases and asked to close my office at four instead of five. He worked with mothers and usually agreed to any reasonable request."

"So no one said anything?"

"I had a few clients who didn't think a pregnant woman was capable of taking their case to court. They were informed that they were free to find another lawyer. One of them did; the other two shut up and let me do my job. If you're thinking someone is going to say a pregnant woman doesn't belong at the precinct, you're right, they will; but you'll have to overlook it like you overlook other remarks I'm sure you've heard over the course of your career."

"I'm not really worried so much about what people will say…I just don't want to be chained to my desk yet so I'm hoping to hide it for as long as possible."

"Katie," Johanna said cautiously; "What about your Captain? You said earlier you think she might be getting suspicious because you've called in sick several times."

"I can hold her off," she said confidently.

"But maybe if you talked to her, she could explain the protocol about pregnant officers and then you'll know what's coming and when."

"I don't need to talk to her."

"You're going to have to tell her eventually, Katie."

"I know that," she snapped, her voice sharper than intended. "I'm just not ready. I don't want to be on desk duty yet; I told you that before."

"I know," Johanna said slowly; "And I understand that it's hard for you to think about that day coming so soon…but I don't think she's going to pull you out of the game the same day you tell her, now is she? I'm sure there's paperwork and stuff that would have to be done. That's why you need to talk to her; she needs to know when you're due so it's already in the books in what month you're going to be going on maternity leave; she can explain things to you and ease your mind about work."

"I don't need anything explained to me; I already know the protocol."

"Well then what is it?"

"Protocol says that pregnant officers are put on desk duty either at the second trimester or when the pregnancy becomes visible."

"Which is pretty much the same thing as second trimester," Johanna remarked; "So…you're just going to have to face it, sweetheart; the day is coming and it's coming soon. I know it'll be hard for you but it'll be okay, you'll get used to it."

Kate huffed a little. "But if I'm able to hide it; maybe I can hold off until the fifth month."

"Maybe…but should you?" her mother asked.

"Why not? If I can get away with it, why not do it?"

"Because the longer you're in the field, the more chances you're taking, Katie."

"I'm careful," her daughter retorted.

"I'm sure you are," Johanna said cautiously; "But you're underestimating how long you can conceal your pregnancy; it's going to be noticeable at five months…and you're not going to be able to be out in the field. You're not going to be able to do everything you do right now, Katie; and you shouldn't. It's dangerous."

"It's a dangerous job even when I'm not pregnant," Kate retorted.

"Yes, I know…it's why I'm sure I'll have an ulcer before long," her mother replied. "But it's different now, Katie. You have to think of the baby…your life isn't just about you anymore; you have to make decisions about what's best for both of you…not just based on your desires. There has to be the moment when you ask yourself if prolonging your stay in the field is worth the risk."

"So let me get this straight, when I told you I wasn't ready for desk duty before you said I wasn't selfish…but now suddenly I am a selfish bitch who is unconcerned for her child?" Kate stated.

"No; that's not what I said at all," Johanna replied. "I don't think you're selfish for being nervous about temporarily giving up a part of your job…"

"I'm not nervous!"

"It's okay if you are; things are changing and it's effecting your job and your job has been a big part of you for a long time so of course it's scary for you to think about being out of the field for so long…"

"I'm not scared!"

Johanna breathed deeply. "Sweetheart; I think you are a little…worried…about being taken out of the field but you're still going to be working, just in a slightly limited capacity for awhile."

"Slightly limited?" she repeated. "I'm going to be sitting at a desk every day, all day long."

"A lot of people sit at desks all day long," her mother replied; "When I wasn't in court I was at a desk for the most part."

"That's you, not me! If I can shorten my time at a desk, I will."

"At the risk of the baby's safety?" Johanna asked; "Because that's what you're doing…you're putting your needs before your baby's needs."

"Like you never put yourself before me? Because you weren't thinking about me when you took the case of a mobster….you know, the case that deprived me of a mother for thirteen years?"

She closed her eyes, there it was…it was always there waiting to come back and slap her in the face. "Katherine, you were nineteen years old; in the eyes of the law, I had raised you to adulthood so don't act like you were nine years old and I wasn't there for you growing up, because I was. I got you through everything from ear infections, loose teeth, tonsil removal, training bras, first period, sex talk and paid for the birth control pills you took to college with you without your father knowing about it…so don't act like I didn't do my job, I did. I'm not saying you didn't need me just because you were nineteen when I had to leave…but you were grown, and I did everything in my power to keep you safe."

"And you don't think I'm concerned about my child's safety?"

"No; that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that there are some things in the field that are out of your control…you may think you're being perfectly careful; but what if some suspect attacks you? What if you fall while chasing after someone? What if someone has a knife or a gun? I know you face those things all the time…it's your job…but it's not the baby's job and while you're carrying her, she has the right to have her mother in a safer environment so both of you can be safe."

"So basically, like I said, you're saying I'm selfish and an unfit mother."

"No, that's not what I said…you're the one who implies that about your mother," Johanna stated; "But I'm not saying that about you at all. I know you love your baby but I know it's also hard for you to step back from certain aspects of your job. It's not selfish to be upset about it…but you can't just keep putting it off because then you're jeopardizing both of you and I don't think you'd be able to live with yourself if something happened to the baby because you were out in the field when you really weren't supposed to be…and if, God forbid, something did happen and the Captain finds out about your pregnancy that way…well, then you might not have a desk to be chained to because you might be unemployed. I doubt the NYPD would take it lightly that you concealed your pregnancy from them and risked your baby's welfare on the job. They don't want to be responsible for that, Katie; that's why there's a set protocol and you need to follow it. I understand waiting out your first trimester; but you need to tell Captain Gates when you reach the fourth month mark…and if that means you're on desk duty from that day forward than so be it; but at least you'll know you did the right thing for you and the baby."

"No; you want me to do what you would do; shout it from the roof tops and sit quietly in the corner until I go into labor."

Johanna scoffed. "Oh please; you've never sat quietly in a corner…if you did, I took your temperature. I didn't set in a corner my whole pregnancy either but my job didn't hold the danger that yours does. When we talked about this before, I told you some of the things you're going to experience as examples of why being at your desk isn't going to be the curse you think it is. Your body is going to have aches and pains, your ankles can swell, you need to pee every ten minutes it seems like; you're just not going to be physically able to go running around chasing people down like you are now. That's not me trying to get you out of your job; it's the truth. I know you hate the thought of desk duty but it's what is best for you and the baby."

"If I can hold off on it, I'm going to hold off on it," Kate said tersely.

"Of course you will," Johanna said; "And you'll have to live with the consequences of that action."

"You're so sure something bad will happen!" her daughter all but yelled; "But it might be that everything would be perfectly fine just like it always is!"

"I know that…it could be fine…you could be Wonder Woman and not feel any of the effects of an advancing pregnancy and take down criminals all day long…but your Captain is still going to be pissed that you didn't tell her when you were supposed to and you're going to find your ass in a very hot fire, Katie. She's not a stupid woman…she has children of her own and if you already think she might be suspicious about your sick days lately; she probably is…she's going to figure it out on her own, either from your sudden illnesses or she's going to see a baby bump…or, God forbid, something is going to happen that will give you no choice but to tell her. You need to start thinking about that. I know you're nervous about all this…but you really need to think about what you're doing before you jeopardize not only your baby, but yourself and your career."

"I know what I'm doing, Mother."

"Alright, sweetheart; you do what you have to do," Johanna replied; figuring it would be best not to continue the battle.

"Don't patronize me!"

"I'm not. I'm just not going to say anything else about it; you're a grown woman, you have a family of your own, your decisions are yours to make. I only gave you my opinion."

"Thanks for coming by," Kate stated, her jaw tight and her voice clipped.

"Am I leaving?" Johanna asked.

"Well, the show's over," her daughter said with a nod at the TV; "And I'm sure you need to be getting home so you can play Suzy Homemaker for Dad and value that time alone you two have together."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; that does sound like I'm leaving," she said as she reached for her boots and put them back on.

"Have a safe trip home," Kate remarked. "I'm going to take a nap so don't feel like you have to let me know you got there."

"Okay," her mother said, picking up her phone from the coffee table. I'm sorry I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear, Katie."

"Yeah; well, you're good at saying things people don't want to hear and didn't ask for."

The comment stung but Johanna did her best not to let it show. "It wasn't my intent to hurt you."

"If only I had a dollar for every time I've heard you say that," Kate stated.

"Rick," Johanna called out. "I'm leaving."

"Already?" Castle asked as he entered the room, trying to pretend as though he hadn't been eavesdropping.

"I've kind of been asked to go," she replied, heading toward the closet where he had put her jacket and purse.

Castle glanced to his wife who shrugged. "I don't need a babysitter while you write; I can take care of myself."

That felt like a comment best left alone, he thought to himself. "I…uh…I'm going to walk your mother to her car."

"Fine."

He headed toward Johanna, seeing the look on her face that hinted that she wished she hadn't let him talk her into coming. "This is why I don't visit," Johanna told him. "I either get insulted or threw out."

"I'm starting to see that," he admitted. "We'll work on it."

"Oh that's alright," Johanna replied; "Visiting would probably get in the way of me playing Suzy Homemaker at home."

He grimaced and noted that his wife kept her gaze on the television. "The best laid plans of mice and men," he muttered.

Johanna retrieved her jacket and purse and opened the door of the loft. "You don't have to walk me out, Rick. I'll see you later. Bye, Katie; I love you."

Her daughter said nothing and she tried not to let it bother her as she stepped into the hallway; after all, she should be used to it. Katie always withheld affection when she was angry.

"I'll walk you to your car," Castle said once more as he stepped into the hallway with her and closed the door.

He followed his mother-in-law to the elevator and pushed the button as she pulled on her jacket. "Listen," he said quietly; "I don't want it to sound like I was eavesdropping…"

"But you were?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "I was going to get a drink but I heard her bring up the topic of work…and the topic of how pregnancy is going to affect her job isn't one she likes to discuss with me much at the moment…she likes to shut that topic down as soon as it comes up."

"It's your home, Rick; you're allowed to listen in if you want," she said as they boarded the elevator.

"I just wanted to hear what she had to say about it."

"I'm sorry," Johanna stated; "I shouldn't have said anything to her about it. I understand that it's hard to fathom all the changes and it's hard to get used to the idea that you're life isn't your own anymore. I shouldn't have said anything about her desire to keep it concealed as long as possible."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I agree with what you said to her."

"You do?" she asked; a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Yeah…and I think that's why she keeps shutting me down when I try to discuss it with her. I don't want her trying to hide her pregnancy so she can stay in the field for as long as possible," Castle admitted. "The thought of her chasing a suspect down the street at four or five months pregnant is terrifying. I'm worried enough now as is it and we've been having slow weeks and thankfully mundane cases when they do come up…part of me wishes she was already on desk duty though."

"Have you told her that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Castle looked at her. "You just met her mood swings. I'd like to live long enough to see my child."

Johanna nodded. "Understandable. Send me a picture of it…I'm sure I just got kicked off the visitation list."

"That's not true."

"Wouldn't surprise me if it is," she replied. "I just can't keep my mouth shut just like my father always said. It's like some kind of disease. I just never know when to say nothing. I really am stupid."

"You're not stupid," Castle told her. "You just told her the truth…and I love her, honestly I do…"

"I know you do."

"Good, because I do…but Kate isn't always a big fan of hearing the truth when she's set on something that she knows probably isn't the best idea."

"Oh believe me; I know…which is why I should've known to keep my mouth shut."

"No, you did the right thing," he replied.

"Like that ever gets me anywhere," Johanna muttered. "I should've known we were getting along too well."

"It'll be alright; she'll get over it."

"I should've gone home," she remarked. "I'm better at minding my own business at home."

Castle sighed. "I'll never get you to visit again, will I?"

"It'll probably depend on the circumstance."

"I'm sorry," he told her.

"No need to be sorry, Rick; it's not your fault. It's mine."

"Honestly, you didn't do anything wrong," he said as the elevator stopped.

Apparently she had, Johanna thought to herself; her daughter had just told her to leave and had made those parting shots at her. She was sure Kate would never confide in her again…it had been fun while it lasted.

"You're just a concerned mother and grandmother," Castle said as the silence lingered as they began the walk to her car; "And she's just moody today…and nearly every day lately but that's just between us. She'll realize she was being that way later and she'll call you. Trust me, I know; ever since the test came back positive, I've spent half my time accepting mood swing apologies."

"You're her husband; she has to apologize to you. She needs you," Johanna replied. "I'm just her mother…and I've been told before that I'm not needed. Besides, I'm the one who said the wrong thing. I should've kept my opinion to myself…she'll hide it and stay in the field longer just to prove to me that she can and that she's invincible just because she's Detective Kate Beckett. It's a mistake I should've learned from long ago."

"It's my fault," Castle said. "I'm the one who convinced you to stay."

"It's alright; you had good intentions…so did I and yet as usual, I blew it," she replied as she fished her keys out of her purse.

"No; you didn't blow it…Kate blew it," he stated.

She smiled a little. "No, it was me…I should've changed the subject or just agreed with her. Like I said, I should've known better. I'm sure she won't ask me anything else…so you better pick up those books you wanted to buy her; she'll want them now."

"Oh I doubt that; besides; I promised I'd only buy her one book…and I ordered it online so no one would see me buying it in a store…so it won't end up on social media or the actual media which would then out her pregnancy to Gates…and everyone else we know."

"And you just want to shout it from rooftops?" Johanna asked.

"A little bit," he said with a nod; "I'm happy…I like being a father…and I hate keeping things a secret for reasons that don't always set right."

"I understand…and I know the feeling."

"I know," he murmured; knowing that she was referring to her past which Kate had slapped in her face.

"Well, Rick; I guess I better get going, I've cause enough trouble for one day. You better get back up there to Katherine the Mad."

Castle laughed. "I'm not sure I want to."

"You married her, you don't have a choice."

"Yeah; but I didn't realize she was going to get mood swings this bad."

Johanna managed a smile. "There's always something in the fine print, Rick."

"Apparently so."

"She'll probably be mad that you brought me home with you this afternoon," she remarked; "So make it easy on yourself and tell her it was my idea. She's already mad at me anyway so I'll take the blame…I'm used to it."

"No, I'll own up to it being my idea…she'll be over all this by tomorrow…and then we'll move on to remorseful crying…so you know, keep your phone nearby for that call."

Johanna scoffed. "I won't hold my breath."

"Trust me; she'll feel bad about all this tomorrow," he assured. "You'll see."

She conjured up a smile but it was tinged with sadness. "I guess we'll see…but I am sorry."

"I know," he replied; figuring he may as well accept the apology she was desperate to give although she hadn't done anything wrong. "Be careful getting home."

"I will be," she said as she unlocked her car door.

"I know Kate told you not to check in but…let me know you got there safely so I can tell her so if she brings it up later."

"Alright," Johanna replied while sliding into the driver's seat. "See you later."

"See you later," he remarked, closing her car door for her. He stood by, watching as she buckled her seatbelt and started the car; giving her a wave as she pulled out of her parking spot and drove off. He didn't miss the look of remorse on her face and he couldn't help feeling like even when he tried to do something he was sure she'd like, like having time with her daughter, it still blew up in his face.

* * *

Kate was still on the couch when Castle returned to the loft. He sighed deeply as he approached her, knowing he was about to throw himself on a live grenade in a manner of speaking. "Why did you have to do that, Kate?"

"Do what?" she asked.

"Toss your mother out of here," he replied. "I considered it a sign of progress that I actually got her to come over here…with no begging and minimal assurances…thinking it would be good for her to see that we do want her to visit and that it would be good for you to spend some time with your mom…and then you basically throw her out."

"You didn't hear what she said to me!"

"Actually I did…I was listening."

Anger flickered in her eyes. "Excuse me? You were listening to my conversation?"

"Yeah, I was…I hadn't intended to but I was on my way to get a drink and I heard you talking about work. It's not a topic you like to discuss with me so I was curious to hear what you had to say."

"That's an invasion of my privacy!"

"I know, I shouldn't have eavesdropped…but on the other hand, you are in the living room so you should expect that something might be overheard."

"Well since you had your big ears tuned in, then you heard what she said to me."

"Yes, I did hear what she said to you…and I agree with her."

"What?" she nearly yelled.

"I agree with Johanna," Castle repeated; "There does have to be that moment when you figure out if it's worth the risk…and she's right…it's not just your life anymore, Kate…it's our baby's life too."

"Do you really think I'm not aware of that, Castle!?"

"I know you're aware of it…but when you're talking about prolonging your stay in the field, it doesn't seem like you're as aware of it as you should be…that's how you get when you're so set on what you want instead of thinking about the risk. Or baby's life is worth more than you having a few more weeks in the field."

"There's a risk no matter what," Kate said tartly; "I can get hurt just as easily at home as I can at work."

"I know there's always a risk…just like I know that there's always a risk of you getting hurt at work whether you're pregnant or not…but you are pregnant and it does worry me when you're out there. A minor injury you sustain when you're not pregnant may seem like it's no big deal; but that same minor injury while you're pregnant…that could be a big deal. That could be fatal to our baby and I know you don't want that."

"Of course I don't! But I know how to be careful; I know how to limit myself in the field!" Kate exclaimed. "I don't want to be wrapped in bubble wrap just because I'm pregnant."

"I'm not trying to bubble wrap you and neither is your mother but she's right about some things being out of your control…they're always out of your control. I don't ever want you to be hurt, I don't ever want to lose you…but I also don't want to lose our baby, Kate. Johanna wasn't trying to hurt you with the things she said; she was only telling you the truth…she was just trying to make you realize that it can't just be about what you want anymore. You have to do what's best for the baby and that means following the rules and stepping back when protocol says you're supposed to…and in the long run, that's going to be the best thing for you too; you'll be more comfortable, probably less worried…and your job won't be on the line for lying to your Captain."

Kate scoffed as she shook her head. "I can't believe you're siding with my mother…you don't even like her!"

"I like Johanna just fine…but I can't say you were right to put her out of here because all she did was tell you the truth about your work situation. You see those months at your desk as torture and a bad thing…but for the people who love you and love our baby; those months mean less stress and worry about your wellbeing and the baby's wellbeing. You might even find that it's less stress and worry for you too, Kate. No one is asking you to retire from the force; we're just asking you to follow the rules and step back when you hit the fourth month…not just for the baby's sake but for your sake."

"You think I'm going to be a terrible mother."

"I think you're going to be a wonderful mother; I just think that when it comes to work right now, sugar coating it isn't going to help you make the right decision."

"Well it is my decision to make you know," Kate said tearfully. "It's none of my mother's business what I do at work and if you're so desperate to suck up to her that you start taking her side on everything, then call her up and ask if her guest room is available and go move in with her."

"I don't think she'd like that," Castle replied. "I can't even get her to hug me goodbye let alone let me stay in her guest room. Really, I'm surprised that we're on a first name basis if you want the truth but that's beside the point. No one thinks you're a bad mother; no one thinks you're selfish…you're just nervous about these changes and I get that."

"Yeah; sure you do," she scoffed.

"I do…and maybe you'd feel better if you just talked about it and admitted to what this really is; which is what I thought you were going to do with your mother but as soon as she didn't say what you wanted to hear, you started throwing daggers and then told her to leave."

"She didn't fight it."

"Of course not…she gave up fighting us months ago, Kate. That's what this whole thing has been about, trying to bring her back into the fold for her grandchild…for you… because she's just been dangling off the edges for a long time. She doesn't fight us anymore; she just packs up and goes and waits for the next round. But if you think she wasn't upset when she left here, you're wrong. I got to listen to her apologies the whole way to her car, along with her calling herself stupid and making mention that she probably just got kicked off the visitation list."

"Well I didn't ask for her opinion; I only asked when I'd start to show…that's all I wanted to know, I didn't need her two cents."

"Yeah; well, she probably didn't need you bringing up her taking Pulgotti's case but you did and she sat there and took it, didn't she?"

"I know I shouldn't have gone there but she mad me angry…it's not like she was the perfect mother."

"No one is," Castle remarked; "But we both could've done a lot worse when it came to mothers…maybe Johanna Beckett and Martha Rodgers aren't perfect…maybe there were things they could've done better; but I think we both turned out alright so they must've done the job right despite a few mistakes and slip ups along the way."

"No one's disputing that," his wife retorted. "It just felt like she was acting like she was perfect and I'm some selfish bitch who doesn't care about my baby."

He shook his head. "She wasn't saying that at all; she was just trying to make you see that you have to accept that desk duty is coming and that it's for the best. She was trying to make you realize that hiding the pregnancy so you can stay out there means taking more risks, not just with the baby but your career as well…because let's face it, Kate; Gates is a stickler for by the book; you piss her off too much and she just might boot you out."

"I can handle Gates," she replied; "She knows what it's like, she'd understand."

Castle breathed deeply; she was like talking to a brick wall today. "So we're just supposed to keep hiding your pregnancy from everyone except our parents and Alexis until you're ready to sit at your desk…because that's what we'll have to keep doing so you can stay in the field; we can't tell our friends at the precinct because they might let it slip or when we're found out, they'll be in trouble as well. We can't tell our friends and extended family because, again, they might let something slip somewhere that will be found out at work. I guess we'll also have to stay in more once you start to show because the media might get a picture of us out and someone might notice the baby bump and then we'll be found out that way…my mother can't share the news with people she cares about; your parents can't tell their friends that they're getting a grandchild. We're all supposed to just sit on our hands and act like it's a dirty little secret until you're ready to fess up at work, right?"

"It's not a dirty little secret," she snapped.

"Well it feels like it when we have to hide it from everyone we care about! Christ, Kate; it gets old," he said tartly. "When we first got together, we had to hide our relationship until Gates finally figured it out on her own. We didn't publicly announce our engagement until rumors started that I was getting back together with Gina…now you're pregnant and we're supposed to hide that too. What's next? When the baby's born we'll bring it home under the cover of darkness and hide it in the nursery when people visit?"

"If I'm such a terrible person, why did you marry me!" Kate cried.

"You're not a terrible person and I married you because I love you…I just hate hiding things. This is a joyful moment in our lives and we can't even share it with anyone besides the immediate family."

"The people who need to know have been informed; the rest can wait. I'm not like you, Castle; I don't need my personal business shared everywhere."

"Fine, Kate; do it your way…you always do; you always have to have it your way."

"You're a good one to talk; you want everything your way…that's why you drag my mother to lunch twice a week so you can indoctrinate her into being the type of mother-in-law you want."

"I'm not trying to indoctrinate her; I'm trying to make things better…and today, I thought I had made some progress at that but you pretty much shot a hole right through it so thank you for that. I made a gesture to her today, inviting her into our home, stepping back to let her tend to you a little so I can show her that I respect her place in your life like she respects mine…and then you throw her out and I felt responsible for that. I managed to get through lunch without insulting her, upsetting her, offending her…I bring her here to her daughter, thinking I'm being nice to both of you and you throw her out…and I had to see the look on her face when she got into the car. I know you don't feel well, I know you're moody…I know you don't like seeing desk duty in your future; but today the person that hurt your mother was you. You're the one who is going to have to apologize this time."

"She should apologize to me."

"I'm sure she will…even though she didn't do anything wrong; but if there's one thing I know about your mother, it's that she'll apologize for everything under the sun if you want her to….and sometimes even when you don't want her to she'll still do it."

Kate pushed herself off the sofa, knowing in her heart that she had hurt her mother but she was still angry about the things she said…and angry with her husband for siding with her. "I'm tired; I'm going to go lay down…that is if that's okay with you? If it is, feel free to post on your social media accounts an announcement that your wife has been allowed to nap today."

He smiled. "Maybe the announcement should be that my wife is sarcastic today."

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Go take your nap, Kate; is there anything I can get for you?"

"No; I'm fine…I can take care of myself."

"Yes; we all know that," he stated; "I hope you feel better when you wake up."

"No, you're probably hoping I'll wake up feeling guilty and proclaiming everyone right but me; like I don't know what's best for myself anymore just because I'm pregnant."

"No one has said that."

"Sure do act like it," she retorted.

Castle sighed. "You're starting to make your mother's guest room sound good, Kate."

"Call her up and ask her for it; she also has a nice couch in her recently remolded basement if you don't want to be on the same floor as her."

"Sweet dreams, honey," he told her, giving her a tight lipped smile.

"Yeah; whatever."

Castle sighed as his wife headed for the bedroom; so much for today's brief lull of peace and tranquility.

* * *

"Oh good, I got home just in time," Jim remarked later that afternoon as he walked into the bedroom.

"In time for what?" Johanna asked.

"To see the strip show," he said with a grin.

Johanna smirked at him as she slipped off her blouse. "Don't go getting excited."

"Too late," he quipped as he took his wallet out of his pocket and laid it on the dresser. "Any time I come home and find you stripping, I get excited."

"Well you better just try to rein in that excitement," she remarked as she stripped off her jeans. "I'm not taking everything off."

"Some welcome home that is," Jim teased. "You let me find you half dressed and then won't give me the rest. Don't you know it's not nice to be a tease?"

"Oh you might have mentioned it once or twice," Johanna replied while pulling on her most comfortable pair of leggings. "But apparently the information didn't sink in."

"I guess I'll have to teach you a lesson later," he said lightly, tossing his suit jacket on the chair and reaching for his tie.

"You do that," she said as she opened a drawer and took out a shirt.

"That's my shirt," Jim remarked, watching as she pulled on the soft grey shirt.

"I know, I'm borrowing it…do you suddenly have a sharing problem?" she asked, amusement in her tone.

"No, I'll share with you, sweetheart; but in return, next time I find you stripping, you have to go through the whole show."

She laughed. "Are you going to throw money?"

"I might have a few dollars in my pocket."

"Dollars!" she exclaimed. "I'm not taking off my shoes let alone anything else for dollars."

Jim laughed. "I might be able to find some tens."

His wife shook her head. "You better find some twenties."

"Only twenties? I thought you'd go for fifties."

"Well if you insist," Johanna remarked as she moved toward him and stole a kiss. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," he replied, his arms slipping around her, allowing her to settle against his chest. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. You're home earlier than usual."

"I know; the person we were supposed to talk to suddenly isn't available until tomorrow."

"Sounds convenient," Johanna said; "Did they need the extra time to take care of something that might not make them look good?"

"That's the popular theory," Jim replied. "But it usually comes out anyway so they're probably wasting their time."

"That's true."

"I notice Scarlett isn't up here with you," he remarked as he set about changing out of his work clothes.

"She's still mad at me," she answered while taking off her earrings.

"I don't think she's all that happy with me either; I told her hello downstairs and she turned her back to me."

She smiled a little. "She commits the crime and yet we're the bad ones."

Jim nodded. "Yeah; it's like having another kid…only slightly better because Scarlett can't talk back."

"You got that right," she replied, moving around him to the dresser to put her earrings and bracelet in the jewelry box.

"Now we know what she thinks of you reading."

Johanna laughed. "Yeah; apparently I have to get her permission first. She's on a roll lately; you know she faked injury which resulted in a three hundred dollar vet trip and then she causes my glasses to get broke which is another seventy-five."

"She's definitely like having another kid," he said as he finished changing his clothes. "I didn't have much lunch today…what are we having for dinner?"

She sighed a little. "Would you mind something simple?"

"No, what do you have in mind?"

"TV dinners."

"Do we have any with chicken?"

"Yes, honey; we have the ones with fried chicken in them."

Jim smiled. "Good."

"You know they take almost an hour though; will you be able to hold off starvation that long?"

"Yes," he laughed. "Any chance you might make me some cole slaw to go with it?"

She pressed a kiss to his lips. "Yes, I'll make you some cole slaw. We also have that jar gravy you like when I'm not making the real thing; I'll heat it up for your potatoes."

"Sounds good," he said as he followed her out of the room. "How was your visit to Katie?"

"It started off alright."

"But it didn't end alright?"

"You could say that."

"What happened? Did you and Martha have words?"

"No; Martha wasn't there. She's out of town for a few days."

"You and Rick had words?" Jim asked as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"No; we were able to remain on good terms today," she said as she headed for the kitchen.

"That only leaves Katie."

"We have a winner," his wife announced.

Jim sighed, pausing as he noticed Scarlett slinking into the hallway. "Come on," he told her. "You need to make up with your mommy; your sister must've veered off course again."

He headed toward the kitchen, Scarlett following along side him. "Look who decided to join us," he stated as he entered the room.

Johanna glanced away from the open freezer to see her cat sitting by her husband's feet. "Of course; she knows I'm making dinner; she wants to be fed."

"At least we know she isn't on a hunger strike."

"That's true," Johanna said as she took the dinners from the freezer and laid them on the counter so she could turn the oven on.

"So, it ended badly with Katie?" Jim asked.

"She asked me to leave," his wife replied while getting out a cookie sheet to put the dinners on when they were ready to go into the oven.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't say what she wanted to hear."

"About what?"

Johanna explained the conversation to him, telling him about Kate's determination to stay in the field as long as possible. She told him what she had said in response and the digs their daughter had taken at her before telling her to go.

He breathed deeply, studying his wife's face as she slit the plastic on the dinners as the directions said and then checked the oven to see if the pre-heat cycle was finished yet. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah; I'm fine…why wouldn't I be?"

"For obvious reasons."

Johanna shrugged a little as she returned to the fridge to get out the cole slaw mix. "In the past two years I'm sure she's been more mad at me than happy with me so you know, I should be pretty used to it."

"Jo."

"What?" she asked, moving back to the counter just as the oven beeped.

"I know you're not fine."

She slid their dinners into the oven and set the timer. "I'm as fine as I can be; like I said, I'm used to Katie being mad at me. It's my fault; I should've changed the subject or kept my mouth shut. You know I've always struggled with that…I wish they had a pill for it."

"Not me; I like hearing what's on your mind," her husband replied. "You didn't do anything wrong, Jo; all you did was give her some hard truths. She needs to think about what she's doing…and staying out there longer than she should be is reckless and not worth it just so she can stave off some boredom. What does Rick think of her wanting to hide it so she can stay in the field longer?"

"According to what he told me; he doesn't like it. He wants her to go on desk duty when she's supposed to…he said he wishes she was already on it because he worries."

"Has he told her that? Is that why she got mad? Because she's already heard it from her husband and then you backed it up?"

"No; he said he hadn't said any of that to her…he says she shuts him down when he tries to bring it up. I wasn't trying to imply that she was selfish or any of the things that she thinks; I was just trying to get her to see that she's taking a lot of risks; that it's not good for her or the baby…and in the long run, it's not good for her career either because when they find out she's been hiding a pregnancy, I think she's going to be in hot water."

"You can count on it," Jim replied; "Captain Gates doesn't seem to be a woman who would take that lightly. Katie needs to slow down and think about what she's doing. She's putting her baby at risk; she's putting herself more at risk and she's putting her career on the line just because she wants to be stubborn."

"Yeah; well me telling her not to do pretty much guarantees that she will so I really screwed up today. You know how she is; if I say don't do it; she does it just to prove that she can."

"Maybe Rick will talk some sense into her about that topic," Jim remarked.

"I hope so…but she won't be happy knowing he feels the same way. I'm sure she'll take his head off when he does broach that topic."

"No doubt."

"I'm sure I won't hear from her anytime soon. I'm probably kicked off the visitation list."

Jim rose from his chair and moved to the counter where she was mixing up the cole slaw in a bowl. "I'm sure it's not as bad as all that."

"I was reminded that I lost my status as a good mother," Johanna stated. "I was asked to leave…it's not looking good."

"It'll be alright, sweetheart. You know how Katie is; she flies off the handle sometimes…and now she's pregnant so there's hormones making her crazy. They made you crazy sometimes. I remember one time I didn't come home when I was supposed to and you thought I was out having an affair."

"I didn't say you were having an affair…I just asked if certain bimbos were present where you were that night."

"Okay, basically that's true…and there were no bimbos; but things got out of control that night; which was partially my fault but I don't think it would've gotten as bad as it did if it hadn't been for those hormones."

"I know…it wasn't a good night for us…and neither were the following few days when we didn't speak to each other."

"We got through it though…and Katie will come around; she always does."

"Maybe…but she probably won't confide in me anymore about anything pregnancy related; not that she has to…but she was and I liked it…it felt like I got to be a part of things and I don't often feel that way when it comes to her. I wanted to have this one…but I won't if I don't learn to keep my mouth shut."

"You won't be doing her or the baby any good if you don't tell her the truth, Jo."

"Maybe not but at least they'll be in my life," she replied as she gathered what she needed to make the dressing for the cole slaw.

Jim moved into place behind her, slipping his arms around her waist as he kissed the back of her head. "Don't twist yourself into knots, sweetheart; it's most likely not going to be as bad as you think. She'll come around, she always does."

"I guess we'll see," Johanna murmured. "Her birthday is in a few days."

"I know."

"I guess it'll be yet another one I don't see her on. I'll have to order her some flowers."

"Why don't you just buy her a gift?"

"You know how Katie feels about me giving her gifts on birthdays and holidays. I already learned that lesson…that's why I just send her flowers on her birthday. It seems a bit stupid but it's all I can think of to do."

"I know," he murmured; thinking to himself that she probably wasn't up for a discussion about breaking away from Katie's rules that had been set a few years ago. "Personally, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. You did get the turkey, didn't you?"

"Yes; it's in the freezer in the basement. Have you decided what all you want on the menu?"

"No; not yet, but don't worry; I'll have it figured out by the time you're ready to go to the market to so serious Thanksgiving shopping."

Johanna laughed softly as she gently pulled away from his embrace to put the bowl of cole slaw in the fridge. "You will be joining me on that pilgrimage as usual, right?"

"Absolutely; that's my favorite market trip; I wouldn't miss that," he said lightly. "Are we inviting anyone this year or is it going to just be us?"

"I don't know…what are Andrew and Gabby doing?"

"They're going to Maine; Gabby's grandparents invited them to dinner there. What about Samantha?"

"When we talked the other day, she said she and Dylan were going to Virginia for the week of Thanksgiving to be with Lindsey, John and baby Emma."

"Anyone else need a place to go for Thanksgiving?"

Johanna shook her head. "I think it might just be you and I this year, honey."

He smiled. "Don't get me wrong; I like when we have family over…but I'm okay with it just being us this year. It might be the last time…we'll have a grandchild next year, maybe Katie and the baby will be here."

"I doubt that…we've never had Thanksgiving together since I came home and I really don't see that changing when she has a baby."

"What are we going to do about Christmas when we have a grandchild? We might have to tweak our traditions."

"We'll worry about it when the time comes, Jim; for now we'll just do things as we always do."

Jim decided it was best not to pursue that topic further at the moment; after all, they had plenty of time to figure out how to work holidays with a grandchild in the mix…that was depending on what role they were allowed to have in the child's life.

"I didn't mean for it to sound like I was putting you off," Johanna said softly; "I just don't really want to think about it today when I'm not sure how much I screwed up today."

"I understand," he replied. "Besides; we've got a lot of time before we have to think about holidays with a baby."

Johanna breathed deeply. "I have two degrees from Columbia and yet I'm so damn stupid."

"You're not stupid, sweetheart."

"I feel stupid," she muttered. "I thought I was doing so good with her…which probably should've been my first clue that I was going to screw it up."

"It's going to be fine," he assured. "It's not your fault that Katie doesn't like hearing the truth about certain things. She'll get over it and everything will settle back down, I promise."

She nodded; knowing it was expected of her. "I'll just have to choose my words more carefully."

"And smack her every time she makes that Suzy Homemaker crack," Jim remarked.

Johanna smiled. "I'd like to…but you know; she'd probably arrest me."

"I'll have you bailed out in five minutes or less…and then I'll smack her and you can bail me out."

She laughed as she opened a cupboard and took out the soft pouch of cat treats. "I'm sure we could find better things to do with our time besides taking turns being arrested and bailed out."

"Most likely; what are you doing? Taking Scarlett off probation?"

"Well I can't have her and Katie both mad at me," she said as she opened the pouch. "Do you want a treat, Scarlett?"

Scarlett meowed as she hurried toward her owner, sitting down at her feet and looking up at her longingly. "Here, sweetie; punishment is over," she told her as she gave her a treat.

Jim chuckled as he watched Scarlett devour her treat and then rub against Johanna's legs affectionately. "It looks like you're forgiven, Jo."

"Yeah," she said as she stooped down to pet her cat. "If only it was that easy with Katie."

"Don't worry, sweetheart; it'll blow over in a day or two."

"I hope so…we haven't had any fights since we got back from London; I thought maybe the tide had turned and those days of snipping at each other were in the past…especially with the baby coming. I feel so stupid, Jim."

"Honey, relax," he told her. "One little tiff isn't going to spoil everything."

"But you know how she can be."

"I know; but it's going to work out, trust me. She'll be mad for a few days and then she'll get over it and most likely realize you were right."

"She really hates that."

"Only because she hates to be wrong."

"I know," Johanna replied; "I'll wait a day or two for her to cool off and then I'll send her an apology text…she can't hang up on me that way."

"Maybe she'll surprise you and call you before that."

That would be nice, Johanna thought to herself but she wouldn't get her hopes up. Too many of these little tiffs with Katie had left her well versed on her daughter's tactics and with pregnancy hormones factored in, she'd probably be lucky to hear from her by New Year's.

 _A/N: I have the next chapter's idea in mind so I'm probably going to run with it and go right into the next chapter._


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! This chapter is a little different than usual._

Chapter 22

The next afternoon, Johanna was browsing in Macy's, doing her best to try and ignore the lingering upset of how things had gone the day before during her visit with Katie. Maggie had met her when she got off work and they had headed to their favorite shopping destination to forget their troubles. It had been working for the most part but then Maggie had ran into a friend from school and she was left to browse on her own as Maggie chatted with her school friend. She drifted toward a rack of sleepers that caught her eye despite trying to resist but her feet moved in their direction, ignoring the warning from her brain. Johanna plucked the small pink newborn sleeper from the rack and admired it, marveling over how tiny it was. Sometimes it was hard to believe that her daughter had ever been that small…it seemed like a lifetime ago in some ways; and in others it seemed like she had blinked and her baby had grown up in mere seconds. She sighed a little, her fingers rubbing against the small foot of the sleeper. There was just something about tiny little baby feet, she thought to herself, a wistful smile on her lips. Having a little baby to cuddle on a regular basis would be so nice…if she was given the privilege.

Johanna sighed once more; she wouldn't have the privilege if she kept screwing up. She was trying to do better with her son-in-law; thought she was doing leaps and bounds better with her daughter…but it never took much to send that train off the track. A mere few words of opinion and things could spiral out of control faster than a spool of thread could unravel. She hadn't heard from Katie…she hadn't expected to; not enough time had passed for her to be over her anger. She hadn't tried to contact her either, fearful of making things worse before a proper cool down period had been observed.

"Are you thinking of having another one?" Maggie asked, startling her as she appeared at her side.

"No; that ship has sailed," Johanna replied as she put the sleeper back on the rack. "If it hadn't sailed; I'd probably consider it."

"I know the feeling," her friend said as she toyed with the sleeve of the sleeper. "Cute little things like this make you wish you could have another one."

"I know…babies are nice."

"They are…much easier than teenagers and adult children."

"That's the damn truth," Johanna remarked.

Maggie smiled. "You should buy that sleeper."

"For what?" she laughed. "I'm not having any babies."

"Buy it for Katie."

"Why would I do that?"

Maggie eyed her. "Because she's having one."

Johanna held her gaze for a long moment. "What makes you think that?"

Her friend smiled. "Do you really think Jim didn't tell Jeff?"

"I hadn't really thought about it in all honesty."

"Well you should know by now that there isn't much they don't tell each other. I mean Jim even told Jeff about you being home long before he was supposed to so why wouldn't he tell him about an impending grandchild?"

"I don't know…I haven't thought about it."

"Besides, I caught a glimpse of your phone screen; it's a sonogram and I know it's not yours; because as you said, that ship has sailed. So I'm pretty sure I have concrete evidence that you're going to be a Grandma," Maggie said with a grin.

Johanna gave her a sheepish grin. "I guess the evidence is kind of hard to dispute."

"Mhmm," her friend replied with a nod. "I've just been waiting on you to tell me yourself."

"I wanted to tell you," she admitted. "I was just trying to find the right way to do it."

"What do you mean?"

Johanna sighed a little. "I know how much it hurts you not to see your grandson and I didn't want to be…too…I…I just was afraid I'd somehow come off as too excited…or that I wouldn't take your feelings into consideration."

Maggie sighed a little. "I had a feeling it was something like that…because anything else you usually tell me right away. You even sent me a screenshot of the text to your first 'Be a Better Mother-In-Law lunch'."

"I know; but I felt like I needed to handle this news in a better way…and now we know the reason for the be a better mother-in-law lunch."

'That definitely explains it," Maggie laughed. "They're already thinking about who they need to babysit that kid and you won."

She laughed. "That's about what Jim said; not that I mind babysitting but you know…I'm still not sure the lunch thing is necessary."

"I know; especially when he has that list you've told me about; but getting back to your news, you didn't think that I wouldn't be happy for you, did you?"

"No, I never thought that. I just thought it might make you temporarily feel a little worse about your situation."

"I'm always going to hurt over missing out on Noah's life. He's already sixteen months old and I've never even gotten to hold him. Jeff takes pictures and videos when he visits…ticks Chrissy off by showing the baby pictures of me on his phone…but he's never going to know me and it's always going to hurt. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to have a grandchild in your life to enjoy."

"I know…I just get irrational fears," Johanna replied.

"About what?" Maggie asked as they stepped toward another rack of baby clothes.

"Things changing," she admitted quietly.

"It's not going to change anything, Jo; not between us anyway. Why would it?"

"I don't know; you know I think stupid things sometimes."

"Don't we all?"

"Yeah; I guess," she replied, a small smile touching her lips. "But you know how it is…when you've lost a lot in the past, you're always worried about losing more in the present."

Maggie nodded. "Yeah; I do know that feeling…but I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm happy for you; you're going to be a wonderful grandmother…and I'll be happy to hold your grandchild when I come visit when it's at your house."

"If I'm still on the babysitting list," Johanna muttered as she admired a tiny white dress. "I'm pretty sure I blew it yesterday."

"Why, what happened?"

She sighed a little; explaining that things had been good between her and Katie; that her daughter had even been coming to her with her pregnancy questions but that things had gone off the rails when she had told her that it wasn't right for her to prolong her stay in the field by hiding her pregnancy. She told Maggie how Kate had basically put her out of the apartment and that she hadn't heard from her or her son-in-law.

"Don't worry, Jo; she'll come around," Maggie said when she finished.

"I'm all that sure of that…you know how bad things tend to get between us. It doesn't take much to send her running from me. I should've kept my mouth shut."

"Keeping your mouth shut doesn't teach her anything other than the fact that she can hold her temper tantrums over your head…and I thought you broke that cycle."

"I know," she sighed; "I can't help thinking about what I stand to lose though. They keep telling me they'd never keep my grandchildren from me…but there's always that part of me that doubts it, no matter how hard I try not to; I always have that little whisper in the back of my mind saying 'you know they will as soon as you piss one of them off'."

"I don't blame you for feeling that way," Maggie remarked; "You haven't had an easy road with either one of them…and the wedding planning was one slap in your face after another. When you went the whole six weeks in London without having any contact with her, I was a little surprised…I know how hard it is for you to let go of her occasionally."

Johanna nodded. "I think I needed those six weeks…and really I didn't speak to her for a little over a week after we got home too…when she finally got up the nerve to text and ask if we had made it back."

"She started coming around…things started to settle for you and her; and it'll happen again; I'm sure of it…as soon as her hormones calm down."

"That's the problem though…hormones or not, I always seem to piss her off," she replied. "I put in the effort, try to do things right…I get what I want and then I open my mouth and screw it up."

"You didn't screw it up."

"I feel like I did…and I feel like it's going to cost me. She probably won't confide in me anymore whenever she decides to speak to me again."

"You don't know that for sure."

"And if she thinks I'm accusing her of being an uncaring mother already, which I'm not accusing her of that; she won't let me around the baby as much as she would if I had kept my mouth shut."

"Jo, you're thinking the worst possible scenarios," Maggie said soothingly.

"I know and I hate that…but it feels like I always have to with them, you know?"

"Yeah; I get it."

"And part of me thinks that if I was going to blow it, it's better that I did it now…before I get too attached. It's not so hard when you're still used to being numb."

Maggie gave her a small smile. "Maybe at first, but not in the long run…and I think we both know that."

"Probably," she admitted; "But it's nice to pretend that I can keep it at bay."

"Katie will come around…she always does eventually."

Johanna sighed deeply. "No one prepared us for stubborn daughters who like to punish."

"That's the truth," Maggie replied.

"So what do we do?"

"Same thing as always…wait, try again, hope for the best…and don't even pretend to be surprised when the phone doesn't ring."

She laughed softly. "We've got plenty of experience with those things."

"Yeah; we do. Speaking of daughters, there's mine," Maggie said, an ache in her voice as she nodded toward the young woman at a rack of clothes.

Johanna glanced across the store, spying Christina as she looked at a skirt, her hand on the handle of a stroller. "Her hair isn't curly anymore," she commented, noting the long blonde ponytail of her goddaughter.

"She had it straightened…she didn't want it to look like mine."

"She's got the baby with her," Johanna remarked.

"I see him," Maggie murmured, tears filling her eyes. "He's so cute; can you see Jeff in that grin on his face?"

"I do," she replied; "And you in the blonde hair."

Maggie sniffled a little. "Chrissy and her husband are going away for a week as an early Christmas gift to each other. Jeff offered to keep Noah for them…Chrissy said the only way she'd let him watch Noah for the week was if I wasn't in the house."

"Oh for God's sake," Johanna stated; "She's beyond ridiculous."

"I know…but there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I say or do gets through. I try to apologize. I try to make amends, try to bargain…nothing works."

"I've got a strong urge to go over there and have a word with her," Johanna told her; "But I won't if you don't want me to."

Maggie shrugged. "What does it matter? It's not like I have anything to lose. Maybe you can ask her if I can just walk over there and walk past so I can see the baby close up. I won't talk to her if she doesn't want me to."

"I'll be back," she declared before turning and heading across the floor to where her goddaughter was.

"Christina," Johanna stated as she neared her.

Chrissy looked up at her. "Johanna," she said flatly.

"How are you?" she asked; her gaze dropping to Noah who was smiling up at her. "Hi, sweetie," she cooed at him, her fingers brushing across his blonde hair.

"Whatever Margaret sent you over here for; forget it and go on your way," Chrissy stated.

Johanna smirked, so Christina had been aware of their presence. "Don't call your mother Margaret…or I'll be forced to call your Christina Amanda; and I know how much you hate to be middle named."

"What do you want?" her goddaughter huffed.

"First of all, your mother didn't send me over here."

"And yet she's standing there waiting on you."

"She's standing over there staring at her grandson who she'd like to see."

"That's too bad for Margaret."

"Don't you think you're being ridiculous, Christina Amanda?"

Chrissy frowned. "Don't call me that."

"The question still stands…don't you think you're being a little ridiculous? A little overboard?"

"I don't want to hear it, Johanna."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want you to throw up on me when you were six…but you did…and I didn't get mad. I had to throw my dress away but it wasn't a big deal…so you know, you can afford to indulge your godmother a little."

"Don't even play the godmother card," Chrissy stated. "I got ripped off in the mother and godmother department. The mother is a liar and a cheater; the godmother a liar and death faker. You're not high on my list of people either."

"Take a number and get in line," Johanna replied; "As for the lying and death faking; it wasn't my idea. I would've much rather been here with my family…and only fools believe otherwise. As for your mother, no one denies that she did wrong and I understand that you're still angry at her…but it's been nearly twenty years. Isn't it time to ease up? If your father can forgive her and remarry her, then don't you think you could try to let go a little?"

"I love my father but he's a fool…she'll just break him again."

"No, she won't," Johanna told her; "And he's not a fool for loving her and giving her another chance."

"That's a matter of opinion," Chrissy stated.

"She's never said that you had to forgive her," she went on; "But she does still love you, you know? She didn't leave you…you left her; but she still loves you. She'd still like to be apart of your life…she'd like to be a grandmother to her grandson."

"Not my problem."

"Chrissy, come on," Johanna said in exasperation; "Is it really fair to deprive your son the right of knowing his grandmother?"

"He has a grandmother, he sees her often."

"He has two grandmothers…and they both deserve the right to love him. How is it wrong for him to have as many people loving him as possible? He knows his grandfather…he should know his grandmother too."

"I don't want her in my child's life."

"Give me a good reason," Johanna replied; "Besides the fact that she had an affair nearly twenty years ago."

Chrissy's lips pressed into a thin line; silence filling the air between them.

"I'm waiting," Johanna said; "What's the good reason? Is your mother violent?"

"Johanna," she sighed.

"Is she?" she asked, pressing the question.

"No."

"Is she abusive?"

"No."

"Is she some sort of child predator?"

"No; of course not!"

"Is she a drug addict?"

"No!"

"Is she drunk every day?"

"No."

"So what you're saying is that she poses no real threat to your child…so why can't she have a relationship with him? Okay if you don't want her in your life…but why take her away from your son? The things she did happened long before his time; it has nothing to do with him. She loves her grandson…it hurts her every day not to be a part of his life. I know you want to punish her…but you're punishing Noah too. You're taking away someone who loves him. You're keeping him from knowing that side of his family. What are you going to tell him when he gets older and starts to ask why he's allowed to see his grandfather but not his grandmother? What are you going to tell him when he asks if he can meet her and you say no? How are you going to explain the reason for keeping them apart when you can't even think of one good reason to give me in the middle of Macys?"

"I don't want to let her in my life," Chrissy stated.

"Fine; don't…but why keep her out of Noah's? You could let your father take him to see his grandmother. Don't you think he's going to wonder one day why he never gets to go to his grandpa's house? Kids think of those things, honey; they come up with questions you never imagined…and the more you keep her away and shun answering…it'll just make her more alluring to your kids; they'll be desperate to find her."

"Maybe I'm willing to risk it."

"No, you're just willing to stay stuck in the past," Johanna declared. "Everyone else has moved on; your mother, your father, your brothers, your grandmother. They've accepted, they've made their peace, they've moved on from it and they're a family…and then there's you, who throws fits and declares that people are against you if your mother is included in family functions. She's a prisoner to your will and it isn't fair…it isn't fair to anyone in your family to have to choose between you. It's not fair to deny Noah his grandmother when you know she's of no danger to him; you do know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do," she retorted. "I know she wouldn't hurt him."

"So what are you going to do, Christina? Wait until it's too late and she's gone? Let's face it; none of us is getting any younger…we don't know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. Do you want to keep your kids from your mother and then one day get a phone call and find out you can't ever change your mind? Do you want to keep being angry all your life and let it spill over to your kids? Do you want them to grow up to hate you for keeping them away from their grandparents? Your father and grandfather didn't get along but he never kept you from him, did he?"

"No."

"Then act like a grown up and think about what the hell you're doing. Your mother had an affair; she ruined her marriage…and she's paid for it in ways you can't imagine. She's been punished for a very long time…you don't need to keep doing it. You don't want this to be your life, Chrissy; living with bitterness and hate…because one day you're going to wake up with a whole lot of regrets, wishing you had let her be there…and it'll be too late."

"I don't want to hear this," Chrissy retorted; stubbornly keeping her gaze lowered but Johanna heard the small crack in her voice.

"Your mother knows that you don't want her around you; knows you don't want to speak to her…but she would like to see the baby…and when I told her I was going to speak to you; she asked if I would ask you if you'd just allow her to walk past the stroller so she can see the baby close up. She won't speak if you don't want her to…she just wants to see her grandson. She knows you're never going to open the door to her…she wishes you would…or at the very least that she could have some sort of visitation so to speak with Noah. Can she at least walk by today and see him for a second?"

Chrissy said nothing but Johanna didn't make any move to leave, instead shifting her attention to the little boy in the stroller. "What do you think, Noah; you want to see Grandma in person instead of just the picture on Grandpa's phone?" she asked him.

"Pa!" Noah exclaimed.

"Yeah, you can see Grandma if Mommy will just let go a little…she'll feel better…she doesn't believe me, but when she starts letting that weight fall off her shoulders she'll feel a lot better inside. It's hard to keep carrying around baggage like that…trust me, I know."

Chrissy huffed out a breath, shoving the skirt she was looking at back on the rack and leaning down to the stroller, quickly unbuckling Noah and lifting him from his seat, thrusting him at Johanna. "Here," she said, annoyance in her tone. "I'm tired of listening to everyone bitch about this so take him over; she's got five minutes and it doesn't change anything!"

Johanna eyed her as she shifted Noah on to her hip. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she spat.

"So if I walk away from you with the baby on my hip, you're not going to scream kidnapping? Because if you do, I'm going to beat the hell out of you, goddaughter or not."

"No; I'm not going to do that," Chrissy retorted. "Just go; five minutes."

"Okay," Johanna said, turning away. "Come on, Noah; let's go see Grandma. Are you excited?"

Noah babbled a mixture of words and baby language as she headed across the store, Maggie's gaze widening as she saw Johanna coming toward her with the baby.

"We've got five minutes," Johanna said as she neared her.

"Really?" Maggie murmured.

"Yes," she said as she held the little boy out to her. "Here, Noah; here's Grandma."

Maggie choked on a sob as she took her grandson into her arms. "Hi, sweetheart," she murmured tearfully to him as he studied her curiously. "How are you? You're getting so big already…you're already one and this is the first time I've gotten to hold you…but it's not because I didn't want to," she told him as she cuddled him close, kissing his soft cheek. Noah patted her cheeks, smiling at her. "You're so handsome," she told him; "Just like Grandpa."

"Pa!" Noah exclaimed.

"I think it's safe to say he loves his Grandpa," Johanna commented as she took pictures with her phone.

Maggie slipped her phone out of her pocket and touched the screen so she could show Noah the picture. "Look, Noah; here's Grandpa on my phone."

"Pa!" he said, his tiny finger touching the image of Jeff and then moving to Maggie's image he exclaimed "My-Ma!"

"What?" Maggie giggled.

"My-Ma!" Noah said again, his gaze going from the picture to Maggie's face, realization breaking across his face. "My-Ma!" he exclaimed as he patted her cheeks. "My-Ma."

"My-Ma?" Johanna repeated; "Oh…Maggie, he recognizes you from Jeff always showing him your picture and now you've showed him one and it's clicked in his little brain…he probably tells him, 'here's your grandma' and Noah makes it 'my-ma'."

A soft sob escaped Maggie's lips as she hugged the boy to her. "That's right, sweetheart; I'm your Grandma. I love you so much; I want you to know that. I don't know if I'll ever get to see you again after this, but I want you to know I love you, Noah…and I love your mommy even if she doesn't love me anymore."

Noah giggled at her, pressing a wet kiss to her face that made her laugh despite her tears. "You're such a sweet boy."

"Don't cry, Maggie," Johanna murmured to her.

"I can't help it," she sniffed, a smile on her lips as she kept her gaze glued to her grandson. "I know this is the only chance I'll ever have."

"My-Ma!" Noah said once again, his small hand toying with Maggie's earring.

"That's right, my sweet boy…I'm Grandma…I wish I could spend some time with you…play with you; give you cookies and cuddles…so many things."

"Five minutes is up," Chrissy stated from across the aisle.

Johanna felt her friend's pain as Maggie's eyes closed, her chin quivering as she hugged her grandson close, pressing kisses to his hair. "Alright, sweetie," she cried, "Aunt Johanna has to take you back to Mommy now. I love you…can I have a kiss?"

Noah laughed, pressing his hands against her face as he kissed her. She gave a soft laugh, pressing another kiss of her own to his face. "I love you…be a good boy," she told him as she reluctantly handed him back to Johanna.

Noah frowned, his arms reaching for her. "My-ma!" he cried.

"I'm sorry, honey," Johanna told him; "You have to go back to Mommy now; that was the deal."

The little boy kept stretching his arms toward Maggie, a cry crossing his lips as Johanna carried him away. "Grandma loves you," Johanna told him as she neared Chrissy. "Maybe Mommy will let her see you again one day."

"I didn't make any promises," Chrissy stated.

"I know…but he likes her…and she loves him. He deserves to make memories with his grandmother," Johanna told her before she kissed Noah's cheek. "Bye, sweetie; I hope I see you again sometime…and I hope you get to see your Grandma too."

"My-Ma," Noah said, his gaze seeking Maggie across the aisle as Chrissy hooked him back into the stroller. "I know she's your grandma," she muttered as she tucked a blanket around him.

"Thank you, Chrissy," Maggie called out as Christina started to push the stroller away from them.

"It doesn't change anything," her daughter retorted, her pace quickening as if she feared that Maggie might attempt deeper conversation with her.

Johanna returned to her friend's side and wrapped her in a hug. "You'll see him again, Maggie," she told her.

"I'm not so sure of that."

"I think you will…once Jeff knows she allowed it once, he'll keep after her…and maybe we'll run into her again. Eventually she'll realize it's futile."

Maggie scoffed softly as she hugged her. "How did you manage it this time?"

Johanna released her friend. "Honestly, I don't know which statement sealed it. I just told her it's been almost twenty years, it's time to let it go…and that it wasn't right to deny Noah his grandmother…and other things that were meant to make her think about how she might end up a bitter person. She told me she was tired of hearing people complain about her keeping him away so she took his out of the stroller and gave him to me…I think maybe she's starting to crack…she probably needs more babysitters…we're going to get you in there, don't worry."

Maggie gave her a wobbly smile. "That would be nice but I won't hold my breath…thanks for today though. I don't know how you managed it but I'm glad you did."

"Me too; come on, let's go get lunch and I'll text you the pictures I took."

Maggie nodded and they left the store, Johanna hoping that a scene like that wasn't in the future for her and her own daughter.

* * *

"How was your shopping trip with Maggie?" Jim asked that evening at dinner.

"It was good," Johanna replied. "I got you a few shirts for work; they were on sale."

He gave her a grin. "Is that your thinly veiled hint that my wardrobe needs refreshing?"

She laughed. "No; that wasn't my intent but when I saw them but you do have a few older ones that you could retire."

Jim nodded. "That's true. You didn't buy me any girly colors, did you?"

"Have I ever bought you girly colors?"

"No, but I like to be sure. You know Monica bought Zach a pink shirt not too long ago and he's still occasionally distressed by it."

"Yes, I know; Monica mentioned it the last time I saw her. She won't ever make the mistake again. I, on the other hand, would never, ever buy you a pink shirt in the first place. You are completely safe. I bought you a very nice dark red one, a royal blue one that's going to look so nice with your beautiful blue eyes…"

"Dressing me up for you, huh?" he teased.

"Oh yes, you might be so irresistible in that one that you might not get out of the house," she replied with a grin.

"I'll make sure I wear that one first," Jim quipped. "I can't wait for you keep me home."

She laughed softly. "I also got you two new white shirts."

"Sounds good. What did you get for you?" he asked.

"A sweater; a couple blouses for work and two pair of dress pants. I saw a skirt I liked and got it too."

"Is that all? Was it a slow shopping day?" Jim teased.

She smirked at him in amusement. "I also bought Scarlett a new ball since we can't find the one she lost; I saw that book you wanted and got it for you and I got me a book."

He smiled. "I guess we all got something then; except Katie."

"I put in the order for her birthday flowers," Johanna replied.

"You could've gotten her something small like a bottle of perfume to see how she'd take it," Jim said as he scooped up a bite of pasta.

"She's already mad at me. I don't want to make it worse by breaking the rules."

"You should've never allowed those rules to take root in the first place."

She eyed her husband. "Jim; let's not have this discussion tonight."

"Alright," he said; catching the note in her tone that implied that he should back off that avenue of thought. "I guess you haven't heard from her?"

"No; not a word…but I'm not surprised. It's only been a day."

"Have you tried texting her?"

"No; you know she hates it when I don't allow enough time to pass when she's mad. I'm not sure if I should wait three days or give the full week like I do most of the time."

"Why don't you just do it tonight and get it over with?"

Johanna glanced at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means why don't you just send her some sort of casual text that will end the standoff so you don't have to tie yourself up in knots all week about it."

"I'm not tied up in knots," she retorted as she reached for her drink. "I'm fine; I'm used to this. I don't lose sleep over it anymore."

"I don't know…you seemed a little restless last night."

"I apologize; I'll try not to disturb your slumber tonight," Johanna replied, her chin jutting upwards in offense.

Jim sighed. "Don't go get your feathers ruffled; you didn't bother me. I just know that when you're at odds with Katie it eats at you. You didn't do anything wrong…but you know she doesn't like to make the first move, so eventually you're going to have to be the one to reach out."

"I know that and I will…but I want to give her time to cool off. She threw me out of her home, Jim; do you really think she got over being angry that quickly?"

"She could have; you know how those pregnancy mood swings are."

"Yeah; and I know how our daughter is too…she never gets over anything in a day. Maybe a week but not a day or two."

"Alright, sweetheart; handle it your way. I just thought maybe it could be resolved more quickly if you just went ahead and reached out…because we all know it won't be her, it's always you so you ought to save yourself some time and worry."

"I'm sorry I screwed up once again and caused you distress, Jim."

He breathed deeply. "I didn't mean to imply that at all."

"Then what are you implying because I feel like you're implying something."

Jim met her eye. "I just hate to see you unhappy again that's all. Things have been better between the two of you and you've been happy."

"I'm happy with you!"

He had fouled this up, Jim thought to himself. He hadn't chosen his words with care and hadn't paid attention to the tone he spoke the words with. "I know you're happy with me…but you're even happier with Katie around. I just don't want you to let her shut you out again."

"You say that like I ever have a choice in the matter," Johanna said, her voice becoming strained as emotion started to pull at her. "You know it's never up to me; when she makes up her mind to shove me out, she shoves hard and fast and locks the door before I can even get turned around."

He shouldn't have started this conversation…it was going to get him in trouble and upset his wife further. Why did he have to open his big mouth? "It's not going to be like that this time…I'm sure she'll come around. She always does."

"Yeah; until the next time," she muttered; "Because this is how it's going to be the rest of my life; letting me in and then throwing me out when I breathe wrong. I just always have to screw everything up; it's like a sickness, I just can't help myself."

"Sweetheart; you didn't do anything. All you did was tell her the truth."

"Yeah; the truth," Johanna scoffed; "You'd think by now that I'd know that she doesn't like hearing the truth…and that if I say not to do something, she's going to do it all the more. How stupid can I be? If I had any sense I would've agreed with her and then her idea wouldn't have been appealing to her anymore and I wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Honey; I didn't mean to start something," Jim told her sincerely. "It's not your fault that Katie was feeling sensitive yesterday. It'll work out, I promise it will. You were just trying to help her make a good decision and there's nothing stupid about that. It'll be alright…stick with your plan, wait a few days and then send a message; probably by then she'll have forgotten about it and everything will be fine."

"She rarely ever forgets," she muttered.

Jim smiled. "She kind of gets that from her mother."

Johann frowned at him. "Did that really seem like the best thing to say?"

"In hindsight, no," he admitted; "But it'll be fine…I promise."

"I don't know…Rick hasn't even sent his lunch reminder text for tomorrow."

"I'm sure it'll show up sometime this evening. Rick isn't going to let you off the hook that easy. He did show up at your office the day you tried to get out of it."

"Yeah; I know. I probably should've seen that one coming. Next time I'll have to relocate to throw him off."

Jim laughed lightly. "You can come hide with me."

She gave him a small smile. "You are my favorite person to hide with."

"I hope so; because that's mutual."

"You're the only one I'd want to hide with."

He smiled, figuring a subject change was probably needed now that he felt he had steered them out of rocky waters. "How did you get Chrissy to let Maggie see Noah today?"

"How do you know about that?" Johanna said, allowing him to change the subject without comment.

"Maggie sent Jeff a picture that you took of her holding the baby. He's very grateful that you made that happen…and now inquiring minds would like to know how you accomplished it."

"Honestly; I don't know," Johanna admitted. "I told her it's been nearly twenty years; it's time to get over it. I told her no one is getting any younger. I reminded her that her mother isn't a criminal and poses no danger to her grandson. I told her it was wrong to deny Noah his grandmother. I basically just harped at her. She did mention that she's sick of hearing people bitch about it so I assume I didn't say anything that she doesn't hear on a regular basis…but for some reason today, she gave in a little. Maybe just to get rid of me but at least Maggie got to hold him."

"I think Chrissy wants to leave the baby with Jeff when she goes away; she keeps asking him if he's willing to do it on her terms and he keeps telling her that he's not going to put his wife out of the house for her; no matter how much he loves Noah and would like to have him. Maybe letting Maggie see him today was some sort of test…maybe she'll give in and let them keep him while she's gone."

"That would be nice," she replied; "Even if she wanted to stick some kind of stipulation on it about Maggie not speaking to her; I'm sure she'd go along just so she could have that time with Noah and Jeff."

"Maybe she's going to ease up," Jim remarked; "She probably needs more babysitters…and if she can leave him with her parents, even if she has to find a way to still avoid Maggie; I wouldn't put it past her."

"Maggie would probably take what she could get."

"I'm sure she would…and I'm sure she's grateful to you today for getting her those few minutes with Noah."

"She is," Johanna replied; "Maybe one day we'll run into Katie in Macy's and she can return the favor."

Jim gave her a sympathetic smile. "Sweetheart; it's not going to come to that."

"You never know…you know how things go between Katie and I. It's never far from my mind that I could end up in the same boat as Maggie."

"You won't," he assured. "Did you buy anything for the baby today?"

"No," she murmured; "There was a little sleeper but I put it back."

"Why?"

She shrugged a little. "How come you didn't tell me that you told Jeff about the baby?"

"I don't know; I guess it just slipped my mind. Why?"

"Because I hadn't told Maggie yet and she informed me that she already knew."

"Sorry, sweetheart; I didn't mean to spoil it for you."

Johanna shook her head. "You didn't; I wanted to tell her; I was just worried about making her uncomfortable with the news given her own situation…having her already know took the pressure off that. But you know, Katie didn't want us to tell anyone yet."

"Then she should've told us that as soon as she told us," Jim replied; "But there's nothing to worry about; you know I told Craig and I told Jeff…who told Maggie; but I'm sure that's as far as it's gone. If anything comes of it; I'll take full responsibility. I won't let her blame you."

"I'm not worried about it; I know we can trust our friends."

"So why didn't you buy the sleeper you saw?"

"Because," she said softly.

"Because why?"

Johanna took a sip of her drink, hoping to avoid the question but her husband kept his gaze pinned to her. "Why, Jo?"

"Because…," she answered; swallowing hard. "Part of me is afraid of getting too attached too quickly. I'm already thinking about this baby…letting love for it form…wanting to buy things and rearrange a room…wanting to daydream about all the things you get to do with a grandchild and a part of me keeps yelling 'stop; slow down…don't get so attached just yet because you don't know if you're really going to be allowed in…and for how long if you are."

"Jo," he murmured. "You're thinking worst case scenarios because of this thing with Katie."

"I can't help it," she said as she got up from the table, carrying her plate to the sink. "I feel like I have to. She asked me to leave her home because she didn't like an opinion…so why should I think that my place is guaranteed? Sure everything started off okay…but then I say the wrong thing and screw it up like always," she said, her voice cracking. "You know me; you know I have a habit of saying the wrong thing. This won't be the last time I screw up…it never is…and even though they keep saying they'll never keep my grandchildren from me; a part of me isn't always convinced of it and thinks about us ending up like Jeff and Maggie. You'll be allowed to visit and I'll have to stay home and wait for you to bring me pictures so I know what the kid looks like."

Jim rose from his chair and moved toward her, pulling her into his arms. "Sweetheart; that's not going to happen, I promise. Everything is going to be fine; you and Katie will work things out. She'll see that you only had her best interests in mind when you told her to think about what she was doing work wise. It's going to be okay…you're going to see our grandchild, I promise."

She allowed herself to cry as she settled into his embrace. "I'll try to do better to make sure of it."

"Honey; you're not always the one who needs to do better. I know Katie and Rick seem to have you trained to think you are, but you're not. Sometimes Katie has to be the one to do better. Sometimes Rick has to be the one to do better. Don't take everyone's blame. Everything's going to work out, okay? I'm sure Rick will give you an update tomorrow about Katie's mood; if it's improved, then maybe you can send her a little message just asking how she's feeling and she'll come around like usual. Don't go thinking the worst; this is just a little bump in the road. We've gotten through bigger ones; you and Katie will get through this one, okay?"

Johanna sniffled a little as she nodded against him. "It's just hard sometimes," she murmured.

"I know, sweetheart. You had a nice balance and Katie had to go and shake the beam you were standing on…she gets that from my mother; you know."

"Oh yeah, I know. I just took it better from Lizzie."

He smiled as he pressed a kiss against her hair. "I know; but she didn't have your heart in the palm of her hand. It's going to work out though; I know it will," he said as he pulled back a little to see her face. "No more tears tonight; it'll look better tomorrow, I promise."

She smiled up at him despite her tears. "I hope so."

"It will; now come on, we'll put those topics away. I didn't mean to upset you by bringing it all up. What do you want to do tonight?"

She breathed deeply, doing her best to settle her emotions. "I just want to curl up with you, watch some old show on TV…think happier thoughts."

Jim nodded as he pressed a kiss against her lips. "I'm sure we can accomplish that, sweetheart. I'll help you with the dishes and then we'll go relax…get those grey clouds away from you."

Her fingertips caressed the line of his jaw as she kissed him. "You'll make them go away, you always do," she told him before settling back against his chest for a moment, thankful that he never gave up on her no matter how many times she messed things up.

* * *

It was a little after eleven the next morning when Johanna glanced at the time on her computer as she sat at her desk in her office at Columbia. She frowned a little and then grabbed her phone to make sure she hadn't missed any messages a short while earlier when she had stepped out to talk to her secretary. There weren't any missed calls or texts…it wasn't something that was unusual…but it was unusual that Rick hadn't sent his usual reminder about lunch the evening before. She thought for sure he'd send one that morning but he hadn't and she wasn't sure if she was supposed to show up or not. She also wasn't sure if she should text and ask either. On one hand, she didn't mind if he had forgotten it was Thursday and she didn't mind having another break from the whole thing. She didn't really want to rehash what had happened with Katie during her visit…and she wasn't really feeling up to a list topic either. She felt some better than she had last night; so why ruin the feeling? A little break would be fine.

But on the other hand, what if this was some kind of test?

Johanna worried her bottom lip as she stared at her phone; what if he had deliberately not sent his usual reminder just to see if she would take the initiative and contact him and ask? If she didn't, she might fail the test and it would end up as another topic on the list. She didn't want that…but this lunch thing was his idea, why should she have to stay on top of it? It wasn't like she was the one who had asked for it…so really, should she ask?

But what if it was a test? What if something was wrong? She still hadn't heard from Katie so she assumed she was still mad at her…and she hadn't tried to contact her either out of fear of making it worse. She usually gave her a week to cool off; past history had taught her not to make the first move too early when it came to her daughter. Maybe Katie had convinced Rick to be mad too…or he had thought things over and became offended on his own and she was once again public enemy number one. But of course she wasn't sure she had ever really stopped being public enemy number one to him in the first place.

Johanna sighed, what she supposed to do? She didn't want to show up for nothing. She also didn't want a complaint about not showing up at all either…it was possible he would be at the café and had just forgotten to send his text reminding her. If she didn't show up and he waited for her, she would never hear the end of it. She laid her phone down in annoyance; she hated when people did this to her. There wasn't much work at the office to keep her busy that morning, if she didn't need to go to lunch, she could head on home and do a few things around the house and then relax for awhile before it was time to start dinner.

She glanced at the phone, maybe she should check in…make sure everything was fine. Surely if something was wrong with Katie someone would've let her know…but then again, maybe not. Her daughter didn't like for her to know when things were wrong…she had gotten a brutal lesson in that…right along with those brutal comments from Rick in the middle of the hospital hallway. Yeah; she was sure she'd never be notified again; especially now that Katie was married and Rick was officially her next of kin. Nerves knotted her stomach; maybe she would send a text just asking about lunch…and to see if anything else was mentioned.

Johanna picked up her phone and tapped out a message to her son-in-law. " _So is this lunch thing happening today or not? I haven't heard from anyone…"_

With the message sent, she laid the phone down and got up from her desk to put some papers in the file cabinet. There was no sense hanging around her office when there wasn't anything major to be done, she figured as she moved around putting things away…trying not to worry as minutes ticked off without a response to her text. She picked up her planner and her lesson plan book and shoved them into her briefcase along with a few things she could look over at home. She shut down her computer and gave Carla instructions to give any student who happened to show up despite knowing her office hours ended at eleven-thirty.

Johanna had her briefcase packed, her purse sitting beside it and was pulling on her coat when her phone finally chimed.

" _Can't make lunch today,"_ Castle had written; _"We're working on a case and I want to see it through."_

A part of her wondered if a case was really the reason…after all, he hadn't let work stop his agenda before. Maybe it was because she had angered Katie and therefore probably caused trouble for him as well since he was the one who talked her into visiting.

" _Is Katie okay?"_ she wrote back.

" _Moody but fine."_

Johanna frowned; her son-in-law was a man of few words today. She debated pushing for a better answer but was afraid to rock the boat; after all, she seemed to have a reputation for that in the family. In fact, she had been deemed the cause of unhappiness on one occasion. Yes, it was best just to let it alone, she figured as she closed the message and called her husband.

"Hello," Jim answered.

"Hey, handsome," she replied.

Her husband laughed a little. "What did you buy and how much did it cost?"

Johanna laughed. "I didn't buy anything; I'm still in my office."

"What do you plan on buying?" he teased.

"Nothing," she answered. "But I am free for lunch if you're looking for a date."

"I thought it was 'be a better mother-in-law' day," Jim replied.

"I'm being stood up," she said lightly. "They're working on a case…at least that's the story for publication."

"You have doubts?"

"I don't know…just seems a little coincidental coming on the heels of Katie throwing me out and her silence…but that's probably just me being paranoid because you know how things go for me when it comes to our daughter and her family."

"I know; but it probably is work related. He's not the type to let his wife get in the way of his agenda…even at the risk of pissing her off."

"That's most likely true…so…lunch?"

"I thought you were already spoken for for lunch so I kind of already made plans with the guys but I cancel them and go with you."

"Don't be silly," Johanna said with a laugh; "Go with your friends; I'm not going to be offended that you already made plans."

"I can cancel though; it's not a problem."

"No; I wouldn't have called if I had known you had plans. It's not a big deal; I just figured I'd see if you were available while I was still out. I'll go get the dry cleaning and head home; do a little cleaning."

"The house is already clean…I'll go to lunch with you; it's not a problem to ditch the guys."

"Honey; it's fine, really it is," she told him. "I'm going to get the dry cleaning and go home. There's always something to be done there."

"Why don't you just take the rest of the day off, relax…read…that is if Scarlett is napping; you don't want her to break your other pair of glasses."

She laughed. "I've been trying to make sure I put my glasses in the case when I'm not using them. But speaking of Scarlett; I'm sure she'll be more than happy to keep me company…and maybe I will just be lazy until dinner. Maybe I'll watch a show or something."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," Johanna assured lightly. "Go with your friends, I'm not mad and I'm not going to make you feel guilty. I'll see you at home. Anything in particular that you want for dinner?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't mind a steak…you know, one without a side of surprise," Jim quipped. "It's easier to chew that way."

She laughed softly. "I'll make you a non-guilt steak; what do you want with it?"

"Baked potatoes."

"Alright; after I get the dry cleaning I'm going to stop at the store and get some ice cream. I wanted some last night and we don't have any."

"I want mint chocolate chip," her husband declared.

"Alright, mint for you, vanilla for me…anything else?"

"Surprise me," Jim stated; "No, wait, we're having steak; don't surprise me."

Johanna laughed. "I promise you're steak will come in peace."

"That's all I ask, sweetheart," he chuckled. "Are you sure you don't mind me not bailing on the guys?"

"Yes! I'm going to head out now. I'll let you know when I'm home."

"Alright; I love you."

"I love you too; I'll see you in a little while."

After saying their goodbyes, Johanna slipped her phone into her purse and hooked the bag over her shoulder before grabbing her briefcase and keys and leaving her office, closing the door behind her as she said goodbye to Carla. She made her way out of the building, shivering a little as the chill in the air slapped her in the face. Fall was slowly fading into winter even though the calendar claimed that it was several weeks away. She hurried to her car, unlocking it and getting in, hoping to finish her errands quickly and head home to the warmth of her house. She could almost hear a hot cup of tea calling her name and she imagined she could easily coax Scarlett onto her lap as she relaxed in front of a show on TV. Skipping her mother-in-law improvement lunch wasn't a bad thing after all, she mused. She could have a nice relaxing afternoon at home and then a nice meal with her husband and spend the evening wrapped up in him. It would be a well rounded, peaceful day.

* * *

"Who was it?" Kate asked with a nod at her husband's phone when he returned to her side at the white board.

"Your mother," Castle answered.

She stiffened a little. "What did she want?"

"She wanted to know if lunch was still on for today. I forgot to text her last night and tell her that we have a case."

"You can go if you want," Kate remarked. "Maybe the two of you can agree on some more things about me."

"Kate," he sighed.

"What?" she asked with a shrug. "One minute you don't even like her, the next you're declaring her the Queen of right."

"First of all, I've never said that I don't like her…"

"You didn't have to; it showed," his wife interrupted.

"So I've been told…by your mother…and for the record, you're just like her in a lot of ways and I figure I can say that now since you're already mad at me. Second; I may have called her the Queen at times…but it was never Queen of right…and it was never said nicely…which is why she doesn't like me but I've been trying to fix that and now you're trying to blow it after your own months of stellar effort at repairing things with her."

"You just want to suck up to her so she won't be mad that you're writing a book for Erica Bradley."

"You know that's not true," he stated; his voice tense as his patience stretched to the limit. "You know as well as I do that I'm trying to make things better for the baby's sake. When is this mood swing of yours going to be over, Kate? It's been days now; is there any end in sight?"

His wife glared at him. "No, I don't think there is."

"You're being ridiculous, you know? I'm allowed to tell you that I have concerns…and if they're the same concerns that your mother brought up; then maybe it's something you need to think more about…but you don't want to do that because you're convinced that _you're_ the Queen of right."

"Keep going, Castle; and you'll be the King of divorce."

He smirked at her. "Why don't you just take a break and call your mother for a few minutes? I think you'd probably feel better if you got over this thing."

"I'm not calling her."

"So you're not speaking to her anymore?"

"I'll speak to her when she calls me and apologizes for acting like I'm a selfish, unfit mother," Kate stated firmly.

"She didn't say that at all, Kate; and you know it," he retorted. "All she said was that there has to be a time where you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk. That's not calling you selfish. It's not calling you unfit. It's telling you to think…but you don't want to because you're convinced your right…well you're not…and I think you know that and that's what you're mad about but you'd rather be mad at your mother and me. It's not exactly fair but I'm used to it…and I'm sure your mother is too."

"All of a sudden you're so sympathetic to her…when not too long ago, you were threatening to keep her grandchildren from her influence because she didn't play this lunch game the way you liked."

Castle sighed in frustration. "I'm sympathetic to her this time because she didn't do anything wrong. You brought up the work stuff, she told you how advancing pregnancy is and that you were taking a risk by continuing to hide it and you took that in ways she didn't mean at all…I know, because I heard everything she said."

"Because you were eavesdropping."

"Yes, I was; because you always shut me down when I want to talk about what happens work wise once your pregnancy is known. So, yeah, I was curious about what you had to say about it so I didn't retreat. If that makes me terrible; so be it I guess…at least now I know. I'm sure your mother will apologize; that's her nature…but she's probably waiting until she feels it's safe and you've calmed down."

"I don't want to discuss it anymore; I have work to do," she said as she turned away from the board and went back to her desk to see if the records she had requested had shown up on her computer yet.

"She asked about you," Castle said as he settled down in his chair. "She wanted to know if you were okay."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her you were moody but fine."

"What did she say to that?"

"Nothing. She didn't respond to it; she probably figures we're busy since I told her we have a case."

"Like I said; you could've gone to lunch. That way you could get away from my moodiness," she said sarcastically.

"I'm not going; I'm staying here with you and working the case. She mentioned she hadn't heard from either one of us so she was probably worried that something was wrong. Call her tonight and get past this, Kate. I think somewhere inside you know she didn't mean it the way you think she did. She worries about you…and now she worries about the baby too. She just wants you to be safe…is that so terrible?"

"No; but she didn't have to say it like I'm selfish."

"She didn't but I'm sick of arguing the point with you," Castle remarked. "I just hope you get over this soon because you've been taking everyone's head off for the last two days…and it's getting old."

"Yeah, well, you acting like a know it all gets old too but I don't say anything."

Castle breathed deeply. "I'm just not going to say anything for awhile…it doesn't do me any good anyway. It just makes you madder so I'm just going to shut up."

"Fine with me," Kate replied as she raked her hair back from her face. She knew she was probably being irrational but she couldn't help it. She felt hurt and angry…she felt like she had made a mistake confiding in her mother and she hated feeling that way. It wasn't as easy to get over as her husband thought.

* * *

"So, how did you enjoy your steak without a side of surprise?" Johanna asked that evening as she stacked the dishes after dinner.

"I enjoyed it a great deal," Jim replied, brushing a kiss against her cheek. "It goes down a lot easier without the surprise."

She laughed. "I'm glad…I have to admit; it felt a little odd not to make a pie to go with it."

"Yeah; a part of me kept expecting cherry pie to show up," he replied with a nod; "But it's okay that it didn't."

"Did you want one?" she asked. "You should have mentioned it."

"No, sweetheart; I told you what I wanted and you provided it. It was a wonderful meal."

"I'm glad you liked it," she replied, giving him a soft kiss.

"I always do…well, you know, except for when it's served with one of those unpleasant surprises," he said with a laugh.

"I know," she agreed with a laugh of her own. "I understand completely."

His arms slipped around her. "Do you want to go out to a movie?"

Johanna looped her arms around him. "No…I'd rather stay here, find a movie in our collection to watch…see where the night takes us," she told him, a coy smile on her lips.

Jim kissed her. "I like the sound of that."

"I'm sure you do," she teased. "It kind of keeps with our steak dinner theme…only without the 'please forgive me, let's make up' vibe."

He laughed. "That is a highlight; you better be careful, you might be subtly retraining my brain not to regard steak with suspicion."

"Oh no, your brain is much too smart for that," she teased. "I got the ice cream at the store…we can have that for dessert during our movie."

"Sounds good," he said before kissing her once more. "What kind of movie do we want to watch tonight?"

"Something that isn't too heavy," Johanna replied. "Maybe something that has a little bit of fun to it."

"Does that mean I can pick an old favorite?"

"Which one?"

He grinned. "Smokey and the Bandit."

Johanna laughed. "Yeah; you can pick that one. I like that one too…I remember when we saw it when it came out in the theaters. It came out while we were engaged."

"I know…it was just what we needed in the midst of wedding planning. I think we went and saw it about four times just so we'd have a place to hide out where your mother couldn't call."

"That's true," she laughed. "We went to a lot of movies in the summer of 1977…because it was the only place we were safe."

Jim chuckled. "Those are good memories though."

"Yeah, they are," she said before stealing a kiss. "It'll be nice to revisit that one tonight."

"I agree."

Their lips had just touched in a kiss when her phone rang on the counter. "You could ignore that," her husband said lightly.

"I better check who it is before I make that decision," Johanna replied as she reluctantly pulled away from his embrace so that she could grab her phone off the counter. "It's Rick," she stated.

"He's probably calling to reschedule that lunch," Jim remarked.

A knot formed in her stomach; her son-in-law rarely called her. He always sent a text. "I better answer and find out," she said softly as she accepted the call. "Hello?"

"Johanna, are you home?" Castle asked; a serious note in his tone.

"Yeah, I'm home. Do you and Katie want to stop by?"

"No…is Jim with you?"

She glanced at her husband, worry filling her. "Yes, he's with me…why?

Jim stepped closer to her, his hand slipping into hers as she waited for her son-in-law to speak.

"Don't panic," Castle stated.

"Oh God," she said; her stomach turning nauseous. "What is it? What's wrong? Did something happen to Katie?"

Castle took a breath. "Um…there's been a little accident…and I thought maybe you should come to the hospital."

Johanna closed her eyes, feeling like the world was crashing down on her. "We're on our way," she managed to say as her stomach churned.

… _to be continued_


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 23

"Why would you call her?" Kate asked sharply as tears continued to slide down her cheeks.

Castle breathed deeply, trying to hold back his own feelings of frustration, worry and fear. "I called her for a few reasons. One, as a courtesy because she's your mother and you know that your parents get upset when you don't tell them things. Two, because I figured if I didn't call and tell her; someone else would and I think it's better for all of us if she got the call from me instead of Ryan or Esposito…or Gates again. Three, because the doctor said you need to calm down and I'm not having any success at helping you do that so I thought maybe your mother would be able to help calm you down."

"What, by coming in here and saying I told you so?" she cried. "Because she will. I can already hear it; 'I told you so, Katie. I told you this could happen'. She's probably in the car saying it to Dad right now; telling him that she warned me. She probably jinxed me by saying it the other day."

"No, she didn't," Castle replied; "And for the love of God, don't say that to her when she gets here because if you do, you'll probably never see her again because she won't be able to handle the guilt and no amount of begging will bring her back around. She didn't jinx you anymore than you jinxed yourself by saying you're careful. She's not going to say I told you so. She doesn't even know what happened yet. Her concern is going to be you…not saying I told you so."

"You don't know my mother," she sniffed. "She always says it. It's her four favorite words."

He sighed deeply. "She's won't…you talk about me always thinking the worst of her and look at you, you do the same thing. All she's going to be worried about is you; not trying to prove that anyone was right or wrong."

Kate scoffed; her mother liked being right too much to ignore pointing it out at some point.

Castle took her hand, smoothing his thumb against her skin. "Kate, you need to stop. You heard the doctor; you need to calm down."

"How can I be calm?" she asked tearfully.

"Because you know you have to be; it's what's best for you right now."

She sniffed, swiping at the tears on her cheek. "You're probably waiting to say I told you so too…after all, you were agreeing with her the other day."

Anger flicked across her husband's face. "Really, Kate," he asked sharply. "You really think that's the main concern on my mind right now? Waiting for the right moment to say, hey, told you something could happen? Really?"

"Well…you want me out of the field; you made that clear…ever since the test came back positive you act like I can't take care of myself…like I can't make decisions for myself."

His jaw tightened and he tried to keep from losing his temper. He knew she was upset, scared…trying hard to avoid the knowledge that she had been wrong. But he was worried and scared too and his patience was stretched thin. "All I've tried to do is take care of you. I'll I've done is express some concerns at times…because you're my wife…and it isn't just your baby, it's also mine. Yeah; I try to make sure you eat well and regularly. I try to make sure you get enough rest. I brought your mother home to you when you were sick, thinking it would make you feel better to have her comfort. But nothing I do is good enough. You just want to do everything your way, you don't want help, you don't want taken care of. You want to be big bad Detective Beckett at all times; you want to do what you want and you don't want to hear anyone say a word about it."

"That's not true."

"Yeah, it is…everyone is just supposed to stay out of your way and fall in line with want you believe."

"Castle," she started to say.

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "No; I'm not going to do this with you right now. I'm not going to fight with you. I'm not going to do what you fear and say I told you so, not because you brought it up, but because I wouldn't ever do that in a situation like this and you should know that by now. I'm going out in hallway and wait for your parents so I can let them know what's going on. I'll send your mother in after she's been informed…and don't bother telling me not to; because I am. I'm not going to drag her down here and then turn her away at the door…so you just prepare yourself, because she's coming in. Yell if you need me."

Kate watched her husband stalk away; feeling like her world was in danger of falling apart. She shouldn't have accused him of waiting to tell her that he was right…but she had been worried about hearing the words…the truth always hurt when it got slapped in your face. She didn't want to feel that sting…not when she had so many other things to feel and worry about. She sucked at being a good person…she sucked at doing the right things. She was going to blow everything just like she always did. Maybe while she was at the hospital she could see if they had a cure for that…but she had a feeling that there was no cure in her case; it was far too severe to be cured.

* * *

Johanna was severely regretting the fact that she had ate dinner that evening. Her stomach felt like it was twisted into so many knots that she was sure it must look like a pretzel. In the car, she had tasted the bitterness of bile rising in her throat, forcing her to take deep breaths to hold it at bay as she cracked the window, allowing cold air to sting her cheeks. The sounds of the hospital seemed somewhat muted to her ears as she and Jim made their way through the maze of hallways, his hand holding hers tightly. She was grateful for his strong, tight grip…the soothing words he had murmured in the car, trying to assure her that everything would be fine. His words had been a comfort but she wasn't fully convinced. All Rick had said was that there had been an accident. There hadn't been any elaboration about what kind…of how it had happened or why. Her daughter's job was hell on her nerves and she had a feeling that this accident was job related. Rick had told her earlier that they had a case…it wasn't a far leap to connect the dots...but still she couldn't be certain. Nothing was certain at the moment.

She took a breath, praying that Katie wasn't hurt badly…that her grandchild had survived whatever had happened. Her stomach clenched; God what if they had lost that tiny baby that she had seen on the monitor during the sonogram? The baby that was her little ray of hope…the baby who's heartbeat was still recorded on her phone. The baby who's bassinet was tucked away in their attic, waiting for May when it would be needed. Her throat tightened, what if she had been telling Jim that she was afraid of getting attached at the very moment that the baby had been in jeopardy?

"Please God," she prayed silently. "Let Katie be okay…don't take the baby…don't take her from us, please. Even if it means that they keep her from me; please let Katie have her baby."

"Breathe," Jim murmured quietly.

Johanna breathed deeply and exhaled slowly; it had been a long time since her husband had to give her that gentle reminder. "I should've demanded more information," she said softly.

"He told you not to panic…which guaranteed that you would panic," Jim replied gently. "It's going to be alright; we'll have answers in a minute. If it was as bad as we briefly allowed ourselves to envision, he would've been more distraught on the phone. We talked about that in the car."

"I know…I just hate this," she murmured. "I feel like it's my fault."

"Sweetheart, how is it your fault?" Jim asked. "You've been home since a little before one. I've been with you since four-thirty. You weren't anywhere near her."

"I know…but you know she's mad at me about bringing up the risk she was taking by wanting to keep it hidden. I put it out there…"

"Jo, don't even think about falling into that pit. Just because you told her the truth doesn't mean you caused this to happen. You don't control the universe."

"I know…but it feels like the universe always has a way of coming back and biting me…and I don't want my grandchild to be the casualty of it."

'This isn't your fault," Jim stated; "You need to know that and believe it. We don't know that anything is wrong with the baby; it may be perfectly fine. Don't go thinking the worst."

"I'm trying not to but it's hard," she murmured.

"I know, sweetheart; but you have to try," Jim said as he caught sight of his son-in-law a few feet away. "Rick; what's the situation?" he asked.

"Let's go over here to the waiting room," Castle replied as he led them across the hall from Kate's room to the small waiting room.

"Is Katie alright?" Johanna asked, anguish creeping into her tone. "What happened?"

"We were apprehending suspects for the case," Castle began as he rubbed his fingers across his forehead, trying to settle himself enough to tell the story coherently. "There were two suspects; they ran of course when confronted. Ryan and Espo went after one; we took the other. He took the stairs in the building we were in; we chased him down three floors and Kate managed to grab him on the last landing at the top of the smaller flight of stairs going to the ground floor. She told me to call Ryan and let him know our location. As I was doing that, she was cuffing the guy…he decided to fight it, breaking out of her grasp which shoved her back and caused her to fall down the stairs."

"Oh my God," Johanna murmured. "How bad is she hurt?"

Castle breathed deeply. "Her ribs are bruised…she's got a bump on her forehead…other bruises and scrapes from falling. She twisted her ankle but nothing's broken in it. The doctor says she's lucky she didn't end up with a back injury."

"What about the baby?" Jim asked.

"So far the baby is fine. She doesn't have any bleeding or pain. They've been monitoring the baby's heartbeat and they've done a sonogram. The doctor said everything is normal…but we don't know if that could change. Kate's bordering on hysterical. She can't stop crying…she's convinced that she's going to lose the baby. The doctor told her that there's no indication that she's going to miscarry; that all they can do is continue to monitor her for any changes but so far the baby is fine…she just doesn't believe it. She had her vest on…I think that probably helped protect the baby as she fell. They're keeping her for awhile for observation; not just for the baby but mainly to keep an eye on the head injury. She doesn't show signs of a concussion but they want to make sure…that's their main thing honestly. They don't seem particularly worried about the baby and that's keeping her agitated too. The doctor wants her to calm down…I can't get her to calm down," he said, looking to Johanna. "I thought maybe you could calm her… I keep trying…and it's not working. She's scared and she's mad and it's not helping…and I'm…I'm frustrated with her, as terrible as it is to say that right now."

"No, it's not terrible," Johanna replied with a shake of her head. "You're worried and you want her to do what the doctor says is best and she's fighting it, probably some of it she can't help, but I understand why you feel frustrated and in need of a reprieve."

Castle expelled a soft breath, a small amount of weight lifting from his shoulders at the knowledge that he wasn't misunderstood for his feelings. "Will you go in there with her?" he asked quietly. "I just need a break…I just need a little while and maybe you can do better."

She nodded. "Yes; I'll go sit with her…I can't promise she won't throw me out as soon as she sees me but I'll go."

"Don't let her throw you out," Jim stated. "You've got this."

Johanna gave him a small smile. "You want to come with me?"

"I'll keep Rick company for a little while and then I'll be in," he replied. "Tell her I'm here; that it'll be okay."

"Sending me into the lion's den alone," she commented, trying to lighten the mood but she knew none of them found it as amusing as they normally would.

"You can do it," Jim said as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Go on; it'll be fine."

Johanna took a steadying breath and then left the waiting room, making her way across the hallway to the room her daughter was in. She pushed the door open and slipped inside, her gaze seeking her child. "Katie," she said softly as she saw her looking forlorn in the hospital bed.

Kate glanced at her and burst into tears, her hands covering her face.

Johanna hurried toward her, dropping her purse on the chair and quickly shrugging out of her coat and tossing it there as well before reaching for her daughter, gently pulling her into a makeshift hug. "Shhh," she murmured; "It's going to be alright."

"No, it isn't," she cried.

"Shh," Johanna said, rocking her gently as best she could as she allowed her daughter to sob for a few minutes, hoping it would make her more receptive to comfort. Eventually she felt Kate's hands slip away from her face, allowing her to settle more fully into her mother's arms. "It's okay, I've got you," Johanna murmured.

Kate's sobs started to ease as she sank against her mother, exhaustion sweeping through her.

"It's alright, Katie," her mother said; her hand running over the back of her head. "It's going to be fine; you just need to calm down a little. I know it's hard but you need to."

"I can't," she said tearfully as she clung to her.

"You can…you have to for the baby," Johanna told her. "It's not good for either one of you to be so upset."

"I know, but I can't stop."

"Tell me why."

"Because I hurt her…I know I'm going to lose her."

"Why do you believe that?" Johanna asked.

"Because I fell down the stairs…isn't that how it usually happens?" she cried. "Isn't that fatal to a baby at this stage?"

"In movies, yes; in real life, no," Johanna said gently. "Are you having any pain or bleeding?"

"No."

"Then that's a good sign. Rick told us that they did a sonogram and that they're monitoring the baby's heartbeat. He said everything is normal."

"Yeah, for now," Kate said tearfully. "But maybe it takes time for the trauma to take toll. They care more about the damn bump on my head than the baby…what if they send me home and it happens then?"

"It's not going to happen. If the baby had been hurt in any way, they would know by now."

"What if they do and they're not telling me?"

"That's against the law, Katie; you know that as well as I do. They're not going to risk that kind of lawsuit…especially with you being a cop…and since you and Rick are known and we still suffer some infamy, it's a safe bet that it's known that you are the daughter of two lawyers. They're not going to lie to you for anything."

"That could be true," Kate admitted softly.

"Of course it is; if they say the baby is fine, then she's fine. Believe me, honey, you'd know if something was wrong…you'd have pain, there would be bleeding."

Kate's fingers dug into her mother's shoulder. "I'd never be able to live with myself if I lost her," she cried. "I'd feel like I killed her…I couldn't live with that. I'd never be able to face Rick again. I wouldn't be able to face anyone. It would be my fault."

"It's not your fault," Johanna remarked. "It's the fault of the person who caused you to lose your balance. It wasn't anything you did."

"It wouldn't have happened if I had been at my desk," Kate said quietly; her voice still choked with tears.

"Honey; if you were meant to fall, it could've happened anywhere. It could've happened at the precinct; at home; while visiting me. You could've fallen down stairs anywhere."

"It happened because I was in the field. I lost control of the suspect and it might cost me my baby. I don't know why you aren't saying I told you so," she said, a fresh sob breaking free.

Johanna pulled back from her so she could meet her eye. "Why would I say that?"

"Because you warned me about the risk…and I said if I could get away with it I would…you said I'd have to live with the consequences…and now it feels like the consequences are here."

"Katie, this was an accident that could have happened anywhere regardless of what you were doing. When we were discussing your work this was a scenario that never came to my mind…and even if it had, I still wouldn't say those words to you."

"Why not?" she asked tearfully. "Don't I deserve them?"

"I wouldn't say them because I love you…because you're already hurting and you're scared. It doesn't matter what was said the other day; what matters is that this wasn't as bad as it could've been…and believe me, I envisioned all kinds of terrible things in the car…but you're going to be fine and the baby is going to be fine. Rick said you were wearing your vest so I'm sure that was extra protection for the baby when you fell."

"It doesn't change anything though…I put her in jeopardy…that suspect could've done worse than just knocking me off balance."

"You're right, he could have…but he didn't," Johanna replied. "We're all thankful for that."

"Rick's mad at me," she murmured; "I know he's waiting to say I told you so…I can feel it."

"He's not angry with you," her mother soothed; "He's worried, just like you are…and I get the impression that the two of you have been at odds so he's feeling a little frustrated."

"I'm a terrible wife," Kate cried.

Johanna cupped her cheek, swiping at the tears with her thumb. "You're not, Katie; marriages are full of these moments where you're frustrated with each other…especially when you're pregnant and things are changing."

"I feel like everything is a mess."

"I know, baby," Johanna said quietly as she pulled her back into her arms. "But it won't be like this forever; it'll get better, I promise."

"What am I going to do?" her daughter whispered tearfully.

"First, I'm just going to hold you and let you cry a little without someone telling you to stop…and then you're going to calm down and we'll talk about whatever is on your mind. Okay?"

Kate held on to her tightly. "Okay…I'll try."

She brushed a soft kiss against her daughter's hair. "It's going to be alright," she told her as she rubbed her back soothingly; hoping that she had hit on the best course of action for handling this situation…and that she would be right and everything would be fine.

* * *

"I tried to grab her," Castle stated after he and Jim had been settled in the waiting room for a few minutes.

"Do you think I don't know that?" Jim asked.

"I didn't mention it when I told you what happened."

"You didn't have to. I didn't think for a minute that you just stood there and did nothing."

"I was only a few steps away from her…the landing wasn't all that big…and I still couldn't grab her in time," Castle stated. "My fingers barely grazed her…I couldn't get a hold of her…couldn't even grab hold of her vest."

"Those things happen quickly, Rick," Jim replied. "You can't always stop it from happening no matter how close you are. I felt bad when I was teaching her how to ride a bike and she fell off…she was so determined that she didn't need me to hold on to the bike after the first two minutes that I let go…and then couldn't catch her in time when she went down despite being right there."

"I know it can't always be stopped…but if something happens to the baby, I'll feel like it's my fault because I wasn't fast enough…because I wasn't close enough to make a difference."

"It's not your fault," his father-in-law stated. "Accidents happen. No one would ever doubt that you would keep it from happening if you could. You said the baby is fine…I'm sure it'll stay that way."

"What if it doesn't?" he muttered.

"You have to have faith that it will. I think if something was going to happen it would've most likely happened by now."

"We can't be sure though," Castle replied; "And even if something does happen…I'm not sure there's anything they can do about at it at this stage."

"You just have to think positive, Rick," Jim replied. "I'd tell you not to worry but you're going to do that anyway…just like I'm going to worry anyway…just like I know Johanna won't sleep for a day or two and we'll flinch every time the phone rings thinking it's the worst scenario."

Castle blew out a breath. "I spent ten minutes debating which one of you to call. I didn't know if I should call you and let you tell Johanna or if I should just call her directly."

"What made up your mind for you?"

"I don't know," he remarked, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I guess I figured it was minor for the moment so I could just tell her myself…if it had been worse, I definitely would've called you and let you tell her."

"Thanks a lot," Jim said with a short laugh.

Castle managed a small smile. "I made sure you were there before I told her."

"Yeah; I know…I think that's when my heart hit my toes," Jim confessed. "I know it was the moment my wife lost all the color in her face…and telling her not to panic only guaranteed panic…we're riding around in November with the windows rolled down in the car because she was sure she was going to throw up on the way here."

"Sorry…I realized in hindsight that the 'don't panic' thing probably meant that she was going to panic all the more. I wasn't thinking."

"It's alright, I understand…but you can't blame yourself for Katie falling; you didn't do it. Johanna thinks she did it by discussing the work risk with her the other day; she thinks she put it out there in the universe and that it's her fault."

"Kate thinks I'm waiting to tell her I told you so because I agreed with Johanna about the things she said on that topic."

"It's not your fault. It's not Johanna's fault. If anyone is to blame, it's me," Jim stated.

"You?" his son-in-law asked in surprise. "How could it be you?"

"Because I had steak for dinner," he replied. "When Johanna found out she didn't have to meet you for lunch, she called to let me know she was going to run a few errands and head home. She asked me what I wanted for dinner and I said I'd like to have a steak that didn't come with a side of surprise. So she made me steak…and then we got your call…so see, it was me; I tempted the universe by asking for a steak free of surprise and it just doesn't work that way in my world unless I eat it at a restaurant."

Castle gave a quiet laugh. "No more non-restaurant steaks for you, Jim."

He nodded. "That's what I'm thinking…unless of course it's the usual please forgive me I ran up the credit card or dinged the car steak from my wife."

"How did she get in that habit of a please forgive me steak dinner?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't really know honestly. It was something she didn't make for me a lot unless it was a special occasion and we wanted to eat at home instead of going out to celebrate. I think the first time I got a forgive me steak was several months after we got married. The credit card bill from her Christmas shopping had rolled in and it was a lot higher than she told me to expect…so she made me a nice dinner to break the news and to apologize, telling me she had been a shopping haze and hadn't realized what she had done and that she'd pay the bill from her bonus at work."

"How did you take the news?" Castle asked.

"Oh I thought she was probably exaggerating at first and then she slid the bill across the table and I saw the total and started yelling."

"What did she do?"

"She started crying."

"Did that make you stop yelling?"

"Hell no; I yelled even more then. I told her there was damn excuse for it."

"Then what happened?" Castle asked.

"That's when she brought out the cherry pie my grandmother taught her to make."

"So then you quit yelling?"

"No, I yelled while I ate the pie and she kept crying."

"When did she stop crying?" His son-in-law asked.

"When she realized sex was an effective weapon."

Castle laughed. "So you got over the credit card bill then?"

"I wouldn't say I was totally over it but…you know…it didn't seem as important anymore."

"Understandable. Were any of your steak dinner surprises good?"

"Yeah; the one where she told me she was pregnant was a good one," Jim replied.

"She told you over steak?"

He nodded. "Yeah…and I wasn't in the best of moods so I was instantly suspicious and started interrogating what she might have done and she said she hadn't done anything, she just wanted to give me a nice meal. I could tell I upset her by the way I acted so I let it go, figuring I was just being a jackass. I spent half the meal ranting and raving about a case that was being a pain in my ass that week and in the midst of it she blurted out that she was pregnant."

"Did you take it better than the credit card?" Castle asked lightly.

"Yeah; that one went a lot better," Jim said with a smile.

Silence for a few moments until Castle glanced at his father-in-law. "Did you ever feel frustrated with Johanna when she was pregnant?"

"Yes," he answered; "It's a part of marriage. You've been through it before, you should know the drill."

"Yeah…but Meredith was different. Nothing really phased her…not that I'm implying that that was a good thing because it wasn't at times; but she didn't get mad about reminders to eat regularly, to slow down, to rest. She didn't mind being taken care of…and her mood swings were nowhere near Kate's."

"Katie's not Meredith."

"I know…but I didn't think it would be this different."

"Maybe Meredith was more docile to your ways because she did have that don't care attitude; why take care of herself when you'd do it for her? I'm not saying you're wrong to take care of your wife; I take care of mine to the best of my ability…but sometimes, they just want to take care of themselves because they know they can. Maybe Meredith liked being waited on hand and foot. Katie's different; she likes a certain level of independence. She doesn't want to feel like she has a nursemaid or a third parent instead of a husband," Jim remarked; "And when you're going around insisting on eating at a certain second and probably telling her to clean her plate; she probably feels like you're being a parent more than a husband…and she's already got two parents; I know because I'm one of them."

"I just want to take care of her," Castle said in exasperation.

"You can take care of her without going overboard," Jim replied. "She knows when to eat, when to rest…and after tonight's episode, she probably knows she has to step back from some aspects of the job. You need to realize that she's not going to change who she is overnight just because the stick turned blue."

"But everything changes when the stick turns blue," Castle remarked.

"Yes, the scope of your world changes to include one more," his father-in-law stated; "But you don't change at the core just because there's now a baby. You can't make Katie change who she is deep down…just like you can't make Johanna change by taking her to lunch and waving around a list of topics."

"People do change, Jim."

"Yeah; they do…in time, in their own way…not because someone else felt it was time and forced their hand. Change comes on its own…I've never tried to change Johanna; I love her exactly the way she is, I always have. Is she exactly the same as she was the day I met her? No; she isn't…because she's not twenty-three, single and living on her own for the first time. She matured and grew on her own, not because I forced her to do things the way I thought she should. I've matured and grown on my own too; again, not because she was pulling the strings. It happens on its own. You can't just create it like it's a plot in your book, Rick. When Katie becomes a mother, parts of her will change…because it'll be time; not because it's your will."

"She's going to be a mother; she does have to change in some ways."

"She will when the baby comes; until then she's adjusting to the new scheme of things and you need to allow her time to do that, Rick. Did you ever think that maybe her mood swings would settle down if you settled down some?" Jim asked.

"Me!?" he exclaimed.

"Yes; you…like I told you, you're not acting like her husband, you're acting like her parent. You need to ease up; I know you're nervous but your insecurities only magnify hers and make things worse…and being that she's hormonal, you have to be the one to be level headed about some things."

"I'm not nervous," Castle stated; "I already have a child. What do I have to be nervous about?"

Jim smiled. "Rick; I know you already have a child but that child is in college…that's a big gap between babies. You're older now; and while babies haven't changed, some things regarding them have. You're also not going to be a single parent this time; and I know, last time Meredith was there for awhile but from what we've been told, you were really largely a single parent from day one. I wouldn't blame you for feeling a little nervous about sharing a duty you're used to handling solo…because there's no way in hell that Katie's just going to let you take over the baby and push her to the sideline just because you think you know it all about childrearing because you've done it before. Every kid is different; that baby isn't going to come out as a clone of Alexis. This baby has Beckett and McKenzie genes…it's probably going to be a whole new ball game for you," he laughed.

"I'm not nervous," Castle said firmly.

"Keep telling yourself that, Rick; but you are…and I think your insecurities are what's making you act parental toward your wife at times…and that's most likely playing on her insecurities and making those mood swings worse. You need to relax…you'll find that if you relax a little; she'll relax a little too and then maybe things won't feel so out of sorts for you."

"So you're blaming Kate's mood swings on me?" he asked, a touch of offense in his voice.

Jim laughed. "No; I didn't blame them on you; I said you could be making them worse with some of your actions…but if you want to get technical, I guess I could blame them on you; you are the one who got her pregnant."

Castle smirked a little. "Well your wife wanted grandchildren."

He nodded. "Yes, I know; I want them too…so we consider mood swings a small price to pay as long as we get to babysit."

"Never match wits with a lawyer," Castle remarked.

"It's not so much the law that's made me this way; it's life experience," Jim replied. "I've been through the pregnant wife experience. I know it isn't easy…that sometimes you forget it isn't easy for her either; you have to go through adjustments…and sometimes it gets difficult but it's worth it in the end."

His son-in-law breathed deeply. "Did you and Johanna fight while she was pregnant?"

"Yes," he answered honestly. "We had our arguments just like always…and yes, like I said earlier, there were times when I was frustrated with her; and even knowing that things I was frustrated by weren't her fault didn't make it easier…it just made me act like a jackass at times."

"What were you frustrated by?"

"How tired she was in those early months," Jim replied. "I know it sounds stupid…and it felt stupid…but I was used to my wife being a borderline insomniac; she could stay up half the night when it suited her and still hit the ground running when it was time for work. When it came to fatigue, I was used to her being a little more tired when it was that time of the month…but the fatigue she had in her early months of pregnancy just drove me crazy. It would be eight o'clock and she'd be asleep on the couch a lot of nights…and I knew it was because of the baby, because she was working a full time job…but I missed the way things were because nighttime was our time, especially later in the evening; no one usually called after nine, work was always put away before then…it was just us and we'd watch a few shows, talk, just be together and I missed that. Some nights were better than others…and she'd try so hard to fight it at times; but it always seemed like she'd end up falling asleep on me. She also had a lot of morning sickness…so that puts a damper on your love life, which I'm sure you know but don't tell me, she's my daughter."

Castle laughed quietly. "I wasn't going to say a word other than that I understand that one completely."

Jim smiled. "She also couldn't stand to cook…and while I can cook enough to survive, it's nowhere as good as my wife's cooking…so I was probably also reacting to hunger for the meals I was accustomed to. I guess at times it felt like she was suddenly so different…and really she wasn't; she was just a very tired version of my wife; but it was hard for me to deal with. I felt bad for feeling the way I did…and I didn't think I could talk to her about it so that didn't help things…it made me a bit of a jackass at times…which made her more sensitive to everything and I didn't realize that then."

"Did it cause a fight?"

"Oh yeah," he laughed; "I woke her up for work one morning and she said she didn't remember going to bed and I told her she fell asleep on the couch around eight-thirty again and that I had carried her to bed. She felt bad…she always felt badly for falling asleep early and she promised me that she was going to stay awake that night; that she was going to make a nice dinner and we were going to have the evening together. I told her not to worry about it, I had a meeting after work. She said she'd just start dinner a little later, it would be done at seven…I didn't believe a word she was saying but agreed to humor her so she'd get moving so we wouldn't be late for work. That evening after my meeting, the guys decided to go out for drinks and I was invited to go too…so I went, figuring Johanna was home asleep on the couch and wouldn't know anything about it."

"You were wrong?" Castle asked.

"I was so wrong," Jim said with a nod. "I didn't get home until eleven and she was wide awake and livid."

He smiled. "I'm surprised you're around to tell this story."

"It felt like it could've gone either way," his father-in-law said with a laugh. "I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal…and she wasn't having that. She had made dinner and it was now in the garbage…she had taken a few small sips of coffee to help her stay awake so she had probably jeopardized her baby's birth weight for me…I didn't even call…and then I made the mistake of saying I figured she'd be asleep anyway…and that busted my excuse of losing track of time."

"Wow…it must've been one hell of an apology gift for you to still be married, Jim."

He chuckled lightly. "Oh the fight wasn't over yet; she started yelling that I did it on purpose, that she knew I had been mad that morning because she had fallen asleep the night before; that she wasn't stupid, she knew I was tired of her…she had started crying about this time…and then she started demanding to know who I was with…and if Melanie was there."

"Please tell me she wasn't," Castle stated, hanging on every word.

"She wasn't."

"Lucky for you."

"Lucky for all of us," Jim quipped. "I was pretty sure at that moment that she had lost her mind…and I told her she was being ridiculous."

"Big mistake," Castle quipped.

"Yeah…that's not a word she likes thrown at her…especially in that moment. She's crying that I just didn't want to come home to her, that she jeopardized the baby's birth weight with the sips of coffee; that I hadn't thought about her or the baby all night, that I didn't appreciate the effort she made. She was furious…and then I made it worse."

"Oh my God, how?!"

"I implied that she acted like all I was supposed to do was go to work and go home and sit; and I told her sometimes I just wanted to be with my friends…which in her defense, she never told me I couldn't spend time with my friends; she'd never do that…but she did like to know beforehand…and it wasn't a fair statement for me to make to her that night. It didn't help things…it only made her believe that I didn't want to be with her."

"Yeah; that's definitely making it worse," his son-in-law quipped.

"I realized that as soon as I did it and I tried to apologize but she was too angry for apologies by then…she went in the bedroom and locked the door; told me I could go sleep in the hallway for all she cared; she said she didn't want me to feel like I was forced to sleep at home with her. We went back and forth about it through the closed door but she wouldn't budge; wouldn't even let me in long enough to get ready for bed. I had to sleep on the couch…the next morning she got up earlier than usual, made her tea and toast herself…ignored me completely…didn't even ride to work with me; she had Maggie pick her up. Somewhere between the cold shoulder and her answers of how she was getting to work, I called her petty and she told me I was insensitive…which I guess I was. We barely spoke to each other for the next two days."

"How did it get resolved?" Castle asked.

Jim breathed deeply. "Well; as odd as it seems, I had a talk with my mother…and then on the second day, I got wind that Jo went home from work early so I was worried about her and went home to check on her. She was fine; her schedule was just light that day so she decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. I asked her if we could talk and she was ready for that. I apologized for what I did and she apologized for flying off the handle…told me that if I had just told her that I needed a night to blow off some steam and be with friends, she would've understood and wouldn't have had a problem…but that she liked to know where I was because of the baby…in case something happened and she was alone. It was part of why she was worked up into a tizzy when I had gotten home that night; she felt like I didn't care enough to let her know that I was fine…that I didn't care enough about her to let her know where I was in case of emergency. She told me how she felt that day and night…how the way I had acted at both points in the day had made her feel…how it made her take things in a way that maybe I hadn't meant them. She nudged me into telling her all the things that had been on my mind and nagging at me; reminded me that she wasn't fragile just because she was pregnant and that we could still talk like we always had…and that I should know that she'd always rather me discuss things with her than to keep them from her. I told her about how I felt a little frustrated with some of the effects of her pregnancy and that I hated feeling that way because it wasn't her fault…and she told me that those things frustrated her too. We had a really good talk about a lot of things…and we got past it."

Castle nodded. "So was that the only one you had during that timeframe?"

"No," Jim said with a shake of his head. "We had other disagreements…like when it was time to take her heels away from her. She wasn't happy the day she lost that battle."

"I can imagine," he remarked. "I'm certain that's where Kate gets her shoe fetish."

"Most definitely. As soon as she was up walking she was sticking her feet into Johanna's shoes when she'd find them. As for other fights Jo and I had while she was pregnant; we had a few about money during that time…because buying a house made me very uptight," Jim admitted. "Every time she bought something I about lost my mind about it. She'd talk about things the house would need, things the baby would need in its room…and all I saw was accumulating dollar signs. I tore into her, telling her that she acted like she could spend money like I was printing it in the basement. I started yelling about the house payment we were going to have, the utilities, the baby and everything it required. By the time I was done, I had her in tears and convinced that we were broke and had made a mistake in buying the house."

"I have a feeling this wasn't a quickly resolved issue."

"No, it wasn't," Jim replied; "We were at my parents house when it happened…and my mother was chiming in her two cents that this is what happened when you had a high maintenance wife, that she'd bleed me dry…needless to say but it didn't help matters. Being at my parents house only made it all worse. My father asked me to go out to the garage with him, which was code for an incoming lecture and while I was out there, Jo called a cab and went to her mother's…and stayed there until the next evening."

Castle grinned. "She went home to her mother!?"

"She sure did…and she didn't tell my mother where she was going when she left so it took me about an hour to find her because I was stupid enough to think she wouldn't go to her parents house being upset. Naomi informed me during my phone call that I wasn't to even think of putting a single toe on her porch because for the time being, I wasn't welcome there and if need be, Frank would deal with me. I didn't like the sound of that so I stayed home."

He laughed. "That was probably wise."

"I thought so," Jim quipped. "I didn't want to tangle with Frank…he wasn't the best father to Jo that he could've been…he didn't give her the affection she deserved, he was hard on her…but he wouldn't let anyone hurt her. I always felt a little torn when it came to Frank; as a man I liked him, he was good to have a conversation with, to go to a ball game with, to get advice from…and then on the other hand, as the person who loves Johanna; I didn't like him because of the way he made her grow up…the way he still held her at arms length even in adulthood. I saw her cry too many times because of him and I always felt badly when I'd enjoy his company…and despite it all, I knew he loved her; I just hated that he never gave her reason to believe it."

"He sounds like a difficult man," Castle replied.

"He was…he was complicated…a trait that you probably know runs in our family. He wasn't all bad; he was a wonderful grandfather to Katie…and when he wanted to, he and Johanna could get along just fine and co-exist peacefully; especially after Katie was born…but even in good times he wasn't as demonstrative as he could've been toward her…he could've made her believe that she had his love if he had given a little more effort. Frank McKenzie wasn't a man who changed his ways too often. His grandchildren mellowed him a bit…but he didn't often bend in any other sector of life. He was who he was and you had to take him as he was. He had his bad traits…but he was also protective of his family, did what he had to do for them when he was needed to step in; and you didn't hurt one of his kids and get away with it. He had that McKenzie pride…a sharp tongue and a quick temper; but he was also devoted to Naomi, spoiled his grandchildren and loved his kids even if they didn't always know it."

"He was difficult and flawed," Castle stated; "But overall a good man?"

Jim nodded. "Yes; overall he was a good man despite his flaws and hang-ups."

Castle considered the description of Johanna's father carefully. "It sounds like Johanna has some of his traits."

"Oh she does," Jim laughed. "She's got his temper…she's got it in spades but don't ever tell her that. Nothing pisses her off more than being told that she's like her father in some ways. When Johanna and Naomi would bicker, Naomi would always say to her 'you're just like your daddy' and then she'd really be pissed. She's got his temper, his hair color…his chin…and that habit of jutting it upwards when she's getting mad. She's just as stubborn as he was too…but if you repeat any of that I'll call you a liar and she'll believe me."

He laughed quietly. "I won't spill the beans, I promise."

Jim smiled. "She's got a lot of Naomi in her too though; she's a pretty good blend of both of them; but she only likes to acknowledge Naomi's half."

"I think I can understand why," Castle replied; "But how did you get through that argument that happened at your parents house?"

"That wasn't easy," his father-in-law said with a sigh. "Her father brought her home the next evening, which was a Sunday…and she came with a box of her mother's curtains, placemats and tablecloths. We didn't talk much…I didn't really know what to say and I figured she probably didn't want to hear it even if I did. It was several days of awkwardness…she started taking her lunch to work instead of going out with me to eat. She was collecting household hand-me downs from anyone who volunteered them…boxes of baby clothes from her sister. Zach came to me about two days after this all went down and asked me why we changed our minds about buying the house; I told him we hadn't; we were supposed to move in two weeks. He tells me that Johanna had come into his office and was asking about how we could get out of the sale. I told him it was just a misunderstanding, that we didn't want out. I knew then I had to fix this situation I had made."

"What did you do?"

"Well; when I was in the process of losing my mind about money, Johanna kept mentioning this bassinet she wanted for the baby so she could keep her downstairs during nap times for those first few months. I was being an ass, kept telling her we didn't need a damn bassinet, we needed a crib and my mother had already given us a cradle for in our room to use for the first several weeks. She had a crib picked out but she still wanted the bassinet for the downstairs of our new house. I thought it was ridiculous and told her so but she said she was buying it when she got her next paycheck. The paycheck came but the bassinet didn't show up…so I figured it would make a nice peace offering. I went to the store and got it and a few other little things for the baby and took it home to her. She told me to take it back."

"Really?"

Jim nodded. "I did such a good job of convincing her that we were in dire straights that she was out looking for nursery furniture in second hand stores and had found a crib. She told me to take the bassinet and the other things back; we needed that money for the crib; that the store told her they could hold it until the next day if she wanted it. That's when I really realized what an idiot I had been. She wanted out of buying the house that she was in love with; she had cast aside the notion of the baby furniture she had already picked out and was finding cheaper replacements. I did a really good number on her that time…and it wasn't easy to convince her that we were fine; but I eventually managed it."

"Did she keep the bassinet?"

"Yes; she kept it…and I made her cancel the hold she had on the crib at the second hand store," he said with a laugh. "She was in the biggest penny pinching mode of her life…going further with it than she normally would have. She's a rational woman, she knew our finances; but you know, factor in the pregnancy hormones and she was off and running."

Castle laughed. "It doesn't seem to take much to cause that in pregnant wives."

"No, it doesn't," Jim replied; "But you got to be careful not to get the ball rolling over things that shouldn't be an issue. The more you act up; the more she'll act up, not because she wants to but because she can't really help it…and then you're in more trouble than you would have normally been in."

His son-in-law was quiet for a moment. "So you're saying I need to chill out about some things?"

"Pretty much; I mean pregnancy doesn't mean that Katie's lost the function of her brain. Don't treat her like she's your kid; treat her like your wife…you can still take care of her; you just have to do it the ways she needs. You have to learn when to pull back a little and just let her work through a mood…it's alright to wait and let her seek you out when she's ready to talk or be comforted. She will seek those things when she needs them, you know? Just like she seeks out her mother when she needs her brand of comfort and advice."

"You're saying I'm impatient?"

"Very," Jim answered. "I used to be very impatient too but if you try hard enough for a worthy cause, you'll find that you can be more patient if you really want to be."

"You're the most patient man I know, Jim; it's hard to really believe you were ever very impatient."

"Oh I was," he replied; "But you know, I've been with Johanna in one way or another for forty-one years; she's put a lot of work into me…your training is barely started."

Castle chuckled lightly. "So you didn't just learn to be patient on your own; Johanna helped you into it?"

"Helped is a nice word," Jim said lightly; "She'd like that better than me saying she occasionally demanded it."

"What else has she helped you into?"

"Marriage," he said without missing a beat. "I was just minding my business and she caught me in her net."

"I've heard you put up a struggle," Castle remarked.

He nodded. "I didn't want to ruin her fun by making it easy for her; she wouldn't have any good stories to tell if I had made it easy."

"That's true."

"It is…and besides, she's been rewarded; I promised her a house and a baby; she got both."

"In the same year," Castle quipped.

"I'm good like that," Jim replied.

He laughed, his chest not feeling as tight as it had been when they had first sat down. "So these little bumps in the road now that Kate's pregnant…they're just par for the course?"

"Yes; it's perfectly normal…but if you calm down some, she'll calm down too, Rick. That's all it ever took for Johanna; if I settled, she'd settle. You have to pick your battles; you have to not be afraid of talking about things that concern you but you should do it in a way where it doesn't feel like you're issuing an order or criticizing…you shouldn't let it fester until it comes out in a less than desirable way because that doesn't do either one of you any good and she'll be determined not to listen. You can't rush the process of the changes that are happening; it has to happen on it's own in its own time. When Johanna was pregnant we had our bad moments, like I gave you a few examples of…but it was also a time when I felt like we were even closer than we had been. It can be the same way for you; you just have to let things settle; respect the fact that she's frustrated and nervous too…because you are nervous whether you want to admit it or not. You just have to find your footing, Rick; once you have that, it'll feel easier."

"Sometimes finding your footing is harder than you think it will be," Castle remarked.

"I know…but you just have to keep trying; and one piece of advice, don't get into that habit of comparing relationships, because if you do, one day you're going to say it out loud and you're going to be in serious trouble," Jim said with a laugh. "Then we might be sitting here in this waiting room waiting to hear if they removed the bullet from your ass."

He laughed quietly. "Yeah; that's probably a possibility; I'll try to watch that tendency."

"It would be a wise idea," his father-in-law agreed; "But honestly; you'll find your balance a lot easier if you just relax a little and remember what ways works and what ways don't when it comes to your wife. I know it feels like they're different when pregnancy enters the picture; but they're not…aside from the hormones. You need to remember that; you need to be a little more subtle sometimes and just relax. It's all going to be fine in the end."

Castle gave a nod; it did seem like logical advice that he should take into consideration. "I'm going to try harder…I know it's not just her; it's me too."

"That's right; it's both of you…but right now, you're more able to control spur of moment emotions so you're going to have to be the level headed one and know when to step back."

"I'm going to do better," he promised.

"I know you will," Jim replied; "It's just a period of adjustment, everyone goes through it…and you know, you could always ask someone who has been through it before."

"Like you?"

"Yeah; I'm not just here to dress the set," Jim quipped. "I've been through a lot of things; I'm sure I have something to offer for most occasions."

"I have no doubt about that," Castle replied with a smile; "And I'll definitely keep it in mind."

* * *

A short while later, Johanna felt as though she had her daughter calmer than she had been when she arrived. There were still tears but the broken sobs had eased and so had the trembling that had wracked her frame while she held her. She had murmured soft words to her, doing her best to soothe her and they had now worked their way up to discussing the things that was on Kate's mind; mostly the baby's condition and how she felt that the doctor wasn't as concerned as she felt he should be.

"They're more concerned about the bump on my head than the baby," Kate cried. "My head is fine; they need to be concerned about my baby."

"I understand that you feel that they're not concerned and that it's frustrating you…I would feel that way too," Johanna said gently; "But Rick said they checked the baby and are monitoring the heartbeat…so right now, they're doing everything that they can do. They can't do more when nothing's wrong."

"I just…"

"You just what?"

"I just worry that something will change and there still won't be anything they can do."

"Sweetheart, you just have to think positive; so far she's fine…there's no reason to believe she won't stay that way."

"They come in here and check me for signs of concussion but they don't say anything about my baby," Kate said tearfully. "I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about my baby."

"Okay," her mother soothed; "The next time they come in, we're going to ask about the baby…but you have to be taken care of too."

"I don't matter; my baby matters."

"Yes, you do matter," Johanna stated, her hand falling against her daughter's stomach. "You matter very much to her…you're her mommy; she needs you to be strong and healthy. She's completely dependent on you right now. She needs you, Katie; she needs you to be as calm as you can be. She needs you to rest and heal. If you take care of yourself, you'll be taking care of her too. You're a package deal; everything you need to do to take care of yourself you have to do for her too. You also matter to me and your father; you're our baby and we want you to stay strong and healthy; we want the same for our grandchild. You matter to Rick because he loves you too."

"He's getting tired of me," she sniffled.

"No, he's not. He's just worried and frustrated right now, that's all."

"Sometimes it feels like we fight a lot lately."

"That's because your hormones are out of whack, honey; they make you more sensitive and easily annoyed…and let's face it, sometimes your husband doesn't know when to quit."

"That's the truth," she scoffed.

Johanna smiled, her fingers brushing softly across her daughter's forehead, being mindful of the bump that marred it above her right eye. "You know, pregnancy is a happy time in a marriage…but it's also difficult at times and that's okay."

"How can it be okay?" Kate asked.

"It's okay because getting through rough spots makes you stronger; there's not a couple in this world that doesn't have arguments…and pregnancy doesn't make that tendency go away. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they don't drive you crazy once in awhile…especially when you're pregnant. You've never been through this before, Katie; it scares you and you don't like to be scared; neither do I. You're scared and you get frustrated, hormones put you through the ringer and it feels like everything is changing fast. Rick doesn't want to admit it but he's nervous too…and he has that tendency to act like a know it all so of course you're going to clash sometimes; but you'll get through it."

"It's just hard sometimes…one minute he's being sweet and the next he's going overboard and before I can stop myself I'm snapping at him and I'm annoyed and then he gets mad and I feel like a terrible person."

"You're not a terrible person; this is just part of the game right now, Katie. Your father and I had our fights when I was pregnant…there were times when he annoyed me."

"Really?"

Johanna smiled. "Yes; when I first found out I was pregnant with you, he didn't want me doing anything. I'd get up from the table to wash dishes and he'd be there telling me I shouldn't be on my feet so much, I should be resting. I picked up a basket of laundry and he was grabbing it out of my hands, saying I shouldn't be lifting things…and while on one hand I found it sweet that he was so protective, on the other, there were times when it drove me crazy. Then when the fatigue started hitting me pretty hard and all I wanted to do after work was lay down…and most nights I was falling asleep before nine; he got frustrated with me. He kept saying he wasn't but it wasn't hard to figure out that he was. I was tired, I was sick, I couldn't really cook because the smell of food made me sick…and I knew it was bothering him but he wouldn't admit it. One morning I promised him I was going to make dinner and I was going to stay awake so we could have time together. He told me not to worry about it; he had a meeting after work. I told him I was making dinner, I'd have it ready when he got home which he said would be around seven…he didn't come home at seven…or eight. I'm pacing the floors wondering if something happened to him, he's not answering at his office. I'm thinking the worst. I call Sharon, Phil hadn't come home either. I call Maggie, Jeff was also unaccounted for. I call Claudia; Zach's not home either…and that's when I knew that my husband had totally disregarded my efforts and was out having fun with his friends while I worried myself sick."

"What did you do?" Kate asked.

"I set there waiting on him to come home…growing highly irrational and ballistic; imaging that he's out in the bar with his friends and a pack of bimbos who were more appealing than me."

"Dad wouldn't do that to you…not the bimbo part anyway."

"Rational me knew that…hormonal me wasn't so sure," Johanna admitted with a laugh. "I kept thinking about how he knew I was making dinner for him, that I wanted to spend time with him…that I had put your birth weight in jeopardy because I took a few sips of coffee to keep me awake and he didn't even care enough to come home. It was after eleven when he finally came home; telling me he forgot to call…and then saying he figured I'd be asleep and it wouldn't matter."

"Did you blow up at him?"

"You better believe it," Johanna replied as she perched on the edge of Kate's bed. "I let him have it and he starts saying he didn't know he wasn't allowed to have a life; he didn't know he was supposed to only go to work and then go home and sit. Then I was convinced that he was tired of being married and no longer excited about impending fatherhood. I went in the bedroom and locked the door and wouldn't let him in…I told him he could go sleep in the hallway and that I hoped someone would step on him…among other things. I was really hurt that night…the dinner I had made was in the garbage, we didn't have the time together I wanted…and I had been excited for him to come home that evening," she said with a wistful smile. "When I had gotten home that day and was changing clothes, I noticed for the first time that there was the slightest hint of a swell indicating your presence…and he had been waiting for the moment when I'd start to show; he'd ask every few days when it was going to happen. I couldn't wait for him to come home so I could show him…and it was ruined."

"You didn't tell him?"

Johanna shook her head. "Not that night. We didn't speak for a few days until he found out I left work early one day and he came home to check on me. We talked about a lot of things that afternoon; about fears and frustrations that we both had…he apologized for giving me the brush off and I apologized for being crazy. We talked it all out…and then I showed him that very small bump he had been waiting to see; and the look on his face was all I needed to convince me that he was still just as excited as he was the night I told him we were having you."

"What were your fears?" Kate asked, her fingers curling around her mother's.

"I had the same fear everyone has, I was afraid I wouldn't be a good mother; that I'd do something wrong. I was thrilled to be having a baby but I was also worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was also frustrated by the fact that I didn't have the energy I was used to having; that I was sick so much. It limited the things I liked to do, like cooking…and enjoying all aspects of my marriage. I felt like I was being a bad wife because my husband was having to cook meals…because I couldn't stay up half the night with him…because I had to turn him down at times because I didn't feel well. He didn't complain…but I felt badly."

"Did you tell him that?" her daughter asked.

"Yeah; I did that afternoon when we talked and he assured me that he didn't think I was being neglectful, that he knew I couldn't help it…that he felt bad for getting frustrated at times when he knew it wasn't something I was deliberately doing. A lot of his frustration came down to two things; one, he wasn't used to having to share me, so to speak; and two, he was worried about my symptoms. He was so worried about things that he did something I would have never expected him to do."

"What was that?"

Johanna laughed softly. "He went and talked to his mother about it."

Kate's eyes widened. "He talked to Grandma about it?"

She nodded. "Yes; and Elizabeth assured him that everything I was going through was normal; told him I'd feel better in the second trimester…that he just needed to be patient; that everything would be fine. That made him feel better…and we both felt a lot better after we talked. Sometimes when I was pregnant, he'd be afraid to tell me things…he treated me like a fragile china tea cup that would break at the slightest bump. He was afraid of upsetting me, that if it was something that would make me upset that it would harm me and you. He was having a problem at work in my fifth month and I knew he wanted to talk about it but he kept holding back…I had to occasionally remind him that he could still talk to me like he always had, that no harm would come from it."

"Would he tell you things then, like his work problems?"

"Yes, and I could see his stress level plummet once he'd tell me and we'd talk about it. He just worried…he worried the whole time I was carrying you…and sometimes it made him just as crazy as I was when the hormones would grab hold."

Kate laughed softly. "Maybe men have their own pregnancy related hormones."

"That could be," her mother laughed. "There were times when he drove me up the wall when I was pregnant. He wanted me to give up my heels soon after I found out I was pregnant; I wasn't doing it…I made it to the fifth month and then he went to the doctor with me and found out that the doctor had told me to give them up and that was the night he took them from me…throwing in that you were more important than my need of cute shoes and a few extra inches of height."

"Like you were selfish," Kate murmured.

"Yeah; it felt that way when the comment was made; but I had to remind myself that while I was unhappy to give up my shoes, that your father hadn't meant to make me feel like I was selfish for holding on as long as I wanted. He just didn't want me to fall; he didn't want us to get hurt. I realized that before I flew off the handle completely but it still stung a little."

"I understand that."

"That wasn't the last time he drove me crazy though during pregnancy. My labor started on November 16th at about five in the morning…as soon as I told him I had a contraction, he was off and running; I'm telling him to get back in bed, I had one, it could be false labor again. A half hour later, I had another one; he's ready to load the car. I had to keep telling him not yet. He hovered over me all day, staring at me like a ticking time bomb, asking every ten minutes if it was time to go to the hospital; telling me to rest and so on. I was already nervous about the prospect of delivery and eventually asked him to call my mother to come over; he was still driving me crazy when she got there; she sent him out to check the oil in her car and anything else he could find under the hood."

She laughed. "Really?"

"Yes, and I was truly thankful because I thought I might have to punch him at one point," she said lightly. "It was a very long day and night…and I said a lot of things in the delivery room that he didn't take personally, thank God; because I didn't mean any of it; it was just the pain talking…which brings me to the suggestion that when the time comes, don't be stupid like your mother, take the drugs, sweetheart; it'll be better that way."

Kate gave a small wobbly smile. "I just hope I get there," she whispered.

"You will," her mother said with conviction, her hand softly moving across Kate's stomach. "She'll stay, Katie. It's going to be okay."

"I wish I could be as sure of that as you are…how can you be so sure?"

Johanna smiled. "Because we're not that easy to get rid of, honey. Look at our lives…people have tried and we're still here…and this one; she may be a Castle but she's also a Beckett and a McKenzie. She'll stay…just like us."

"It might be a boy."

She shook her head. "No; that's our girl; you can have a boy the next time."

Kate sniffled a little, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. "You say that like you get a choice."

"Well you know how it is…McKenzies get what they want."

"Legally you're a Beckett."

"Becketts too," Johanna stated. "But I'm a McKenzie by birth, that doesn't go away just because of a marriage…you're married and you're still a Beckett aren't you?"

"Always," Kate remarked.

"Then the statement stands."

A tear leaked free and slid down Kate's cheek. "I'm not going to feel like she's safe until a few days have passed."

"I don't blame you for that."

"I just want to feel better about it," her daughter cried.

"Shh," Johanna said, wiping away the tears as they fell on her cheeks. "It's going to be fine. You have to think positive."

"That feels hard to do," she admitted; her voice hoarse.

Her mother gave her a smile as she rubbed her arm consolingly. "You're due in May; so that means a year from tonight, your baby will be about six months old," she stated. "She'll be starting to crawl…she might even already be doing it on this night a year from now. She'll at least be scooting around, getting the hang of being mobile…and she's going to be curious…getting into anything she can reach and you're going to be running around baby proofing; making sure there's nothing small on the floor for her to put in her mouth…making sure outlets are covered and cords are out of reach, the cupboard doors can't be pulled open. She's going to be crawling behind you; and if she's anything like her mommy, as soon as you open the stove drawer to get a pot to cook in, she's going to demand one to beat on with a spoon…and you'll let her, because you know she'll laugh while doing it. She'll be giggling and cooing…she might even be getting her first tooth. You won't be thinking about this night when everything in the world seemed wrong…you'll be thinking about her, her giggle and the way her eyes light up when she sees you; the slobbery kisses when you get home, the way she curls into you when she's sleepy. You'll be thinking about her first Thanksgiving, about how she'll be old enough to at least have some mashed potatoes and gravy…you'll be thinking about her first Christmas; how she'll be enthralled by the lights…helping her rip the wrapping paper off her presents. Tonight will be a distant memory…a bump in the road that you got past and every moment with her will be worth the fear and the worries and everything in between."

"When you talk about it like that, I can almost see her," Kate murmured.

"Close your eyes and see her," Johanna said softly; her fingertips brushing across Kate's forehead. "She's going to be beautiful…her hair will probably be curly like yours was when you were little."

"And yours," Kate whispered as her eyes closed.

"Yeah, like mine was too. She'll be into everything as soon as she gets moving…she'll be like her father in that respect."

She laughed softly. "Yeah; that would definitely be Castle's gene pool."

"She'll be smart," Johanna went on; "And adorable…spoiled rotten."

"By her grandparents?"

"It's only rumored; no concrete proof of it."

"Mhmm, I bet."

Johanna smiled. "She's going to be very loved…she's going to fill your world and make you feel a love you've never felt before. She's going to love you so much and you're going to love her more than anything."

Kate's hand gripped her mother's. "Mom?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about the other day."

"I know, baby; it's okay…I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to hurt you and I surely didn't mean to imply the things you thought I did."

"I know…I was just being crazy," she said, her emotions surging forward once more. "I've been crazy for days…and I don't think it's just hormones."

Johanna nodded. "I figured that…I figure some of it is fear; things are changing and you're not sure how to feel about it; especially in regard to work."

"I'm being selfish," Kate stated.

"No; you're being human…and if I made you feel like you were being selfish, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intent. I only wanted to encourage you to think about what prolonging your stay in the field meant…because you do have a dangerous job…and as your mother, I worry about you constantly…and as a grandmother in waiting, I worry even more…you'll have to forgive me for that."

"I always do," her daughter replied.

She gave her hand a squeeze. "Tell me what it is about the changes in your work status that bothers you so much. What exactly will you be allowed to do besides paperwork?"

"I'll be able to work on cases…just not out in the field; I won't be allowed to make arrests…I probably won't be interrogating people in case they become volatile. When it comes to case work, I'll be able to look at evidence and search records and things like that."

"But you won't be out conducting searches and hunting for suspects?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah; I'll be taking a back seat and Ryan and Espo will be taking the wheel."

"What worries you the most about this?" Johanna asked. "What really bothers you about it?"

Kate breathed deeply, wincing a little as her ribs ached. "I'm afraid I'll be bored…I hate to be bored."

"I know the feeling; when I first left Roche and went in with Cathy and Mark; business was very slow for several months…you probably don't remember much of that time because you were just little; but I was home early a lot of times in those months. I loved having the extra time with you…but at work I was bored and it drove me crazy. I was used to be being way more busy and it was hard to be patient as I waited for things to pick up. I felt very sensitive about losing my position at Roche and your father started traveling more for work that same year so he wasn't there as much. It was a hard time…but eventually things picked up and everything worked out. Boredom is always temporary, sweetheart. It's annoying but it is temporary…and then you have moments when you're swamped and you think to yourself that you shouldn't have complained."

"I worry that being out of the field for so long will make me…I don't know the word for it," she said softly; "Like I won't be as good at it when I come back."

"I know that feeling too," Johanna replied. "Like I told you, Roche was very generous with maternity leave, much more generous than many employers of that time and I was glad to get ten weeks off with you…but I worried too that I would lose my edge, that I'd get back to work and wouldn't be as good at my job as I had been because I had been gone for awhile…and it was a little rough at first, not because I didn't still know how to do my job but because I was tired…and I wasn't used to being away from you and I missed you and had mommy guilt for leaving you even though you were perfectly fine with your grandmother. It also wasn't easy because I had to learn to balance with a baby in the picture. It took time to feel like I had it back together…but my first time back to court after having you, I won my case and I knew I still had what it took. It'll be the same way for you; a little hard at first but you'll find your balance and you'll get back in the swing of things."

"You think so?"

She smiled. "I know so."

Kate sniffed. "Gates will know now…she'll get a report because of me being hurt on the job…she's going to be pissed."

Johanna nodded. "I wouldn't doubt that…but maybe she'll give you a chance to explain why you were waiting."

"I don't think she's going to care why…all she's going to care about is the fast that I didn't tell her."

She took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "You're going to have to take your lumps for this one, Katie."

"I already have one on my head, shouldn't that count for something?"

Her mother laughed softly. "Your Captain might ask if it knocked sense into you…because I'm sure she is going to be a bit unhappy with you; and no, I don't like to say that. I don't want you to be in trouble at work."

"It's trouble of my own making though, isn't it?"

"Yes…but it's not the first time you've made your own trouble."

"I know," Kate said softly; "But this is different."

"It is," Johanna agreed. "You'll have to grin and bear the consequences…if I was you, I would keep those hormones reined in and take what gets dished out with an air of remorse and apology for leaving her out of the loop."

She nodded. "I'm going to have to take it."

"You are…what do you expect to happen? Will you just get a nice lecture or a few days suspension?"

"I don't know…I figure I'm probably going to be off for a few days because of this…so she might just lecture me…and possibly go ahead and put me on desk duty."

"How are you going to feel about that if she does?"

Kate took a breath. "I still hate the thought of it…but it'll be what's best. I don't want to put my baby in jeopardy…like I already have…if she doesn't stay fine, I…"

"No," Johanna said as her daughter's voice cracked. "No; don't go thinking that way. She's going to be fine."

Kate's fingers squeezed her mother's hand. "You won't leave, will you?" she asked tearfully.

"No, sweetheart; I'm not going anywhere until you're cleared to go home," she promised.

"What if I haven't been discharged before you have to go to work?"

"I'll post assignments online and cancel my classes," Johanna remarked; "It won't be a problem."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course I would; you should know that…I've walked out of work for you many times; you know that. It's what mothers do, Katie. As long as you're here, I'm here. When Rick gets to take you home, I'll go home…or go to work; but I promise you that if you're home in time for me to go to work, my phone will be on, I won't put it on silent, so if you need me, all you have to do is call or have Rick call and I'll be there, okay?"

"Okay," she replied, feeling slightly better about things…but she wished for more confidence when it came to the fate of her baby.

* * *

Later on, the doctor had come into Kate's room to check her once more for signs of concussion. "I want to know how my baby is," she said when he finished.

The doctor sighed deeply. "I've told you that the fetus was fine when it was checked."

Kate's jaw tightened. "It's not a fetus, it's my baby."

"Medically speaking, it's a fetus," the doctor said impatiently; "And whatever you want to call it doesn't change the fact that I've already told you three times that it's fine. I don't know what you want us to do; we can't do anything when nothing is wrong with it. You need to relax and not be a hysterical female. If something is wrong, you'll be the first to know it…and there's nothing I can do to prevent miscarriage if it's bound to happen so worrying about it isn't doing you any good. If you had been more careful, you wouldn't have to worry about the fetus and you wouldn't be here."

Anger flooded Johanna's body as she saw the tears pool in Kate's eyes. "I didn't know a woman could predict when she was going to have an accident," she snapped. "I didn't know we had the ability to stop those accidents on the spot. You, sir, need to understand that this is her first baby and she's worried about her child as any mother would be. You tell her to relax and not be hysterical while you're standing there acting like a sanctimonious jackass who has forgotten that doctors are supposed to offer compassion and understanding; not a cold hearted sentiment that if your pregnancy ends too bad for you and it must be your fault. How dare you treat her that way?!"

"She's getting treated that way because we're tired of her hysterics and demands," the doctor retorted. "She's been bawling since she was wheeled in here and has made it plain that she doesn't think we're doing enough to accommodate her."

"If you can't handle a patient being upset about her baby and the ramifications an injury can pose to her pregnancy, then you need to get out of the business. I've been in here with her for the past two hours and when the nurses have come in, she has not been demanding. She merely asks questions which is her right. She's been hurt and she's worried about her child; she's allowed to cry; it doesn't give you any right to treat her like garbage."

"And just who are you?" the doctor snapped.

"I'm her mother," Johanna said, her gaze cool and her chin jutting up a notch as she kept her eyes pinned on him; "And that baby that you don't give a damn about is my grandchild…and in my spare time, I'm her lawyer. My husband, her father, is also a lawyer and he's right outside in the waiting room."

"Are you threatening me somehow?" he demanded to know.

"No; I'm just putting you on notice," she retorted; "And I'm going to speak to my son-in-law and ask him to find another doctor; one that can give my daughter the reassurance and compassion that she needs from a medical professional. Now get the hell out of her room and don't come back."

The doctor stormed out of the room and Johanna gave her attention to Kate. "Katie; I'm going to go out and talk to Rick and have him ask for a different doctor to tend to you. I'll only be a minute; will you be okay?"

"Tell him I don't trust that doctor," she cried. "He doesn't care about the baby…he didn't even let me see the screen when he did the sonogram…what if something is wrong and he's not saying because there's nothing that can be done anyway?"

"Then he's going to have a lawsuit slapped on him come morning," Johanna replied; "But don't think the worst; I'm sure the baby is fine; you haven't had any pain or bleeding so that's a good sign but we're going to get you another doctor who can ease your mind and not act like an ass toward you, okay? Will you be fine for a minute?"

"I'll be okay," Kate told her. "Go tell Rick to get someone else."

Johanna kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back," she told her before leaving the room.

"Rick," Johanna said as she stepped out of Katie's room and drifted toward the waiting room, catching sight of the doctor as he stood up the hallway at the nurses station.

Castle and Jim surged to their feet, meeting her in the hallway. "What's wrong?" Castle asked.

"You need to demand another doctor," she told him; "Because that idiot just treated my daughter like trash and I'm not going to stand for it. I had Katie calmed down and then he's in there making his smart ass comments and has her upset again. She told me to tell you that she doesn't trust him; she wants someone else."

"What happened?" Jim asked; "What did he say?"

Johanna explained the situation, seeing the anger flick across both men's faces. "While we all know it's true that there probably couldn't be anything done if something went wrong with the baby," she said softly; "He didn't need to say it to her like that; he didn't need to make degrading comments about her being a hysterical, demanding woman and then blame her for what happened because she wasn't 'careful enough'. Katie's all upset again, she brought up that he wouldn't let her see the screen during the sonogram so now she's afraid he was lying to her. She needs another doctor, Rick; one that can give her a second opinion and assure her that the baby is fine."

"You know, I thought the guy was a jerk when we first came in," Castle stated; "She was crying and wanted me with her during the sonogram and he wouldn't let me go in. I thought I was just seeing him as a major league jerk because I was on edge but now that you've seen it too, I know it isn't just me; so please go back in there, calm her down again and tell her that I'm finding someone else and I'll be in as soon as I know another doctor is on the way."

"Alright," Johanna replied; "Knowing you're taking care of it should help calm her. Jim, go with him in case he needs a law degree to throw around."

Jim smiled. "I already intended to, sweetheart; I'll throw yours too if need be. Tell Katie I'll be in to see her too once things are taken care of with this situation."

"I'll tell her," she stated; "Go take care of it; I'll go take care of her."

"We're on it," Castle stated as he and Jim headed down the hallway.

* * *

Johanna returned to Kate's room and made her way back to her bed. "Rick's taking care of the doctor situation right now," she told her as their eyes met. "Your father has gone with him in case he needs law degree leverage. They'll both be in once they have another doctor on the way."

"Okay," Kate said as she sniffed a little.

"It's going to be alright, Katie," she promised for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Is Rick mad?"

"At you? No. At the doctor; yes…he hasn't liked him all along but thought he felt that way because he was worried and on edge; he didn't hesitate."

"He doesn't think I'm being crazy?"

"No, sweetheart; not at all. He's going to take care of it. Try and calm down again…have you thought about names yet?" she asked; hoping to distract her with better topics about the baby.

"No, not really…I have said no to naming it Cosmo though."

"Cosmo?!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Yeah; my husband thinks that's a cute name."

"He's mistaken."

Kate nodded. "That's what I told him."

"What girls names do you like?"

"I don't really know…I've never really thought about it a lot and I know I need to. I kind of like Ava…but I don't think Ava Castle sounds good together."

"Ava is a cute name," Johanna agreed. "Maybe it would sound better with the middle name."

"I'm not sure what name would fit with Ava as a middle name; that seems like a hard name to work with. I like Sophia, especially because of great grandma…but that name has gained popularity in the past few years and I want something that isn't used a lot but also isn't weird."

Johanna nodded. "I get that; Sophia would be nice but you're right, it is used a lot right now…as is Emily and Emma."

"Yeah; those are definitely out. Olivia is nice."

"You can't use Olivia; your cousin Danny's one daughter is named Olivia."

"Oh, yeah; I almost forgot about that," Kate replied. "I've got so many cousins that a lot of names are out of contention."

Johanna laughed softly. "You should've heard your father and I discussing names for you…we had to list all the names it couldn't be first."

"I thought you always wanted it to be Katherine."

"I did; but I was open to other names if there was something your father liked better…but he vetoed every one I named and stuck to wanting it to be Katherine too."

She smiled a little. "What names did you offer?"

"Nicole, Michelle, Amy…he didn't like any of those. He offered up Ashley, Heather and Courtney and I wasn't a fan of those."

Kate smiled. "Thank you for not making me the tenth Ashley in my class at school."

"You're welcome," Johanna replied with a grin. "I'm sure I spared you from being the fifth Heather too."

"Yeah; you did; I appreciate it."

"What about boys names?" her mother asked; "What do you like for a boy?"

"Mostly names that my cousins have already taken," she admitted. "I like Landen though…it's a bit different; I've heard kids named that but not as much as Matthew, Liam, and Jacob."

"Landen is cute; it's different but not outlandish."

"I like Caleb too," Kate said, a small smile tugging at her lips; "But I can tell by the look on your face that you don't."

Johanna laughed softly. "It doesn't matter if I like it or not, if that's the name you choose, that's the one you felt was right."

"I want to find a name that Rick and I both like but that our families like too," Kate replied. "What do you think of Dakota?"

"I'm sure it's a nice state; both North and South," Johanna remarked.

Her daughter laughed softly. "Not a fan?"

"No, not really…I like Shawn though…I thought of Shawn for you if you had been a boy but your father didn't like it as much as I did."

Kate pondered it for a moment. "Shawn's not bad…I don't think I like it as much as Landen but I do like it enough to consider it."

"I have to admit; Landen's growing on me for when you have a boy," her mother stated.

She smiled. "You're just determined that this one is a girl."

"She is; even you have been calling her a girl…and I like Grace…just for the record."

"I'll keep that in mind," Kate said as she took a breath, feeling the familiar sensation of nausea."

"Are you okay?" Johanna asked.

"I feel nauseated."

"Morning sickness nausea or head injury kind of sick?"

"It feels more like I do when morning sickness strikes…this is usually about the time of night it happens."

She nodded. "Okay; let me go ask the nurse if she can get you some ginger ale and some crackers; we'll see if we can hold it off…because your ribs are going to hurt like hell if you have to throw up, sweetheart."

"I know…I'm not looking forward to the pain."

Johanna left the room and approached an older woman who had been kinder than the others at the nurses station and asked for the ginger ale and crackers. The nurse promised to be in momentarily and she returned to her daughter's side; wondering where Jim and Rick had gone and what was happening but she wouldn't mention it to Kate; they'd be along once they had matters resolved.

She struck up some small talk while trying to help keep her daughter's mind off her queasy stomach but she knew it wasn't going so well. "Take a few breaths, Katie," she coaxed.

The door of the room opened and the nurse slipped inside carrying a pack of crackers and a Styrofoam cup containing ice and Ginger Ale. "Here you go, honey," she said as she handed Kate the cup. "Go ahead and take a sip and then I'll have to check you for signs of concussion; I know you're getting tired of that but with you being nauseous I have to even though you're pregnant."

"I understand," Kate said after swallowing a sip of her drink.

The nurse shined the light in her eyes and questioned her about any other symptoms that might hint at a concussion. "Do you usually have morning sickness in the evening?" she asked once she finished questioning about concussion related symptoms.

"Yes; the majority of it hits me at night," she replied; "It's usually around this time."

The nurse smiled. "You still don't show any signs of a concussion and if this is the normal time that you usually feel morning sickness coming on, then I'm sure that's all it is. Drink your Ginger Ale and eat your crackers; if you need more, let me know and I'll bring it in. I'll be back to check on you in a little while."

"Thank you," Kate told her.

Johanna opened the pack of crackers and held one out to her daughter. "Eat."

Kate nodded and took the cracker. "Do you think it's a good sign if I'm having morning sickness?"

"Yes, I do," she said honestly. "I think it's a very good sign. Hopefully we'll get a new doctor in here soon and he or she will recheck everything and you'll feel more assured."

"I hope so," Kate said quietly. "I just want to know the baby is really okay and go home."

"It won't be long, honey; we'll get you home," Johanna promised; it was going to be a long night, but she prayed it would have the outcome they all wanted.

… _to be continued_


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry for the delay; life has been crazy and sometimes it doesn't inspire a lot of writing much to my dismay as it's my favorite stress reliever._

Chapter 24

The crackers and ginger ale hadn't been enough to hold off a bout of sickness, leaving Kate in tears from the pain in her ribs and the embarrassment of having to have her mother hold a pan for her to get sick in. The nurse had come in and disposed of the mess before helping her into the bathroom to clean up with her mother's assistance.

"Shouldn't they be back by now?" Kate asked once she was clad in a fresh hospital gown and settled back into bed, another cup of ginger ale within reach. It seemed like her husband and father had gone off on their errand long ago.

"I'm sure they'll be along soon," Johanna replied as she opened another pack of crackers. "Sip some more of your drink."

"I'm sorry I got sick in front of you," she said softly.

Johanna gave a quiet laugh. "It's not like it's the first time, Katie. I've seen you get sick more times than you can imagine. You spit up on me on your second day home from the hospital…which made me a basket case. I thought I made you sick somehow or something was wrong with you. I tried to call my mother but she wasn't home…so in desperation, I called Elizabeth. After she got done laughing, she informed me that spit up was as common as dirty diapers and that as long as it wasn't excessive and constant, you were fine."

Kate's smile wobbled a little. "It's embarrassing in your thirties though."

"I'm your mother; it's fine, don't worry about it. I took it as the baby saying all was well."

"I hope so."

"Eat another cracker, sweetheart. How are your ribs?"

"They hurt like hell now."

"I don't doubt that. Maybe when we get another doctor in here he can give you something; Tylenol is supposed to be safe during pregnancy; maybe that would take the edge off."

"That would be nice," Kate admitted. "But only if they're sure it won't hurt her."

"They'll tell you what's safe to take. You're lucky; they have lists of safe over the counter medications now. When I was pregnant, I couldn't take anything…and that was a bitch when I had a headache," Johanna confessed.

"Did you get any of those migraines while you were pregnant?" her daughter asked.

"Honestly, I didn't," Johanna remarked; "And believe me, I prayed the whole time I wouldn't because I couldn't take anything and it would've been even more miserable than usual. I don't know what kept them at bay but I was glad. I just got the run of the mill headache from work."

"And Dad forgetting to come home."

"That too."

Kate breathed deeply, wincing a little as her bruised ribs protested. "Are you okay; are you going to be sick again?" her mother asked.

"No, I'm okay for the moment…I just feel like I've been here for days."

Johanna nodded. "Hospitals are good for that; they have a way of slowing down time."

"How long were you in the hospital when you had me?"

"Three days," she answered. "You'll most likely be home in two days when you have your baby. I remember my mother telling me I was lucky to go home after three days; she was in the hospital for a week after having Colleen."

"Why? Did she have complications?"

"No; that was just the norm back then. She was in the hospital for Easter; Grandma Sophia had to run to the store the night before and get me and Frankie a small Easter basket and a toy."

"You really remember when Colleen was born?"

"Yeah; I remember pieces of that time…it was a big to do in my world back then, I think it's why it's my earliest memories. Frankie and I were packed up and shipped off to Brooklyn to Grandma so she could take care of us. Dad had to work and didn't want to shuffle us back and forth…and even if he hadn't had to work; which being the boss he probably could've taken a few days off; he would've still sent us away."

"Why?"

"Because he couldn't handle us…he hated to be on his own with us. When Colleen got to be a toddler; Mom went back to teaching piano at times; so two evenings a week he was alone with us…and by the time she got home, more often than not, one of us had done had our ass smacked…or on rare occasions, all three of us. He'd put Colleen to bed at seven and let her scream her head off until she fell asleep. Even when we were teenagers he couldn't stand it."

"Was Grandpa a product of his time or of the way he was raised?"

"I think it was both," Johanna answered. "But at least the cycle didn't continue; Frankie wasn't like that to his kids and I wasn't like that to you…Colleen…well she never wanted kids in the first place so if she could get rid of them for awhile, she would."

"I wasn't sure I wanted to have kids for a long time," Kate admitted softly.

"Why?"

"I didn't want to do it without you…because I knew how much it would hurt not to have you to talk to about things…not to have you there to help me…I felt like the ache would be a hundred times greater."

"You know that I wouldn't have wanted that for you, don't you? That even if things were different, I'd want you to have a family of your own."

"I know…but it was hard to think about. I also thought about my job…how I didn't want to leave my kid without a mom. I still worry about that one…but now that you're home, the idea didn't seem so bad when I'd think about whether or not I wanted kids."

"Katie…nothing in life is guaranteed. I know you worry about your job causing you to be…absent," she said, not wanting to say the word they both knew she meant; "But that absence can result because of something outside the job."

"I know…it's just the way things have been for us."

Johanna took her hand. "We're still here…waiting on the next edition to join us in May."

Kate gave her a wobbly smile. "When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy…but a little part of me was still a little unsure if I wanted this…because I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon…I hadn't planned it; and I know it sounds terrible…"

"No," her mother said softly as she shook her head. "It's a natural reaction a lot of people have at first, Katie. It's okay."

She swallowed hard. "Every now and then that little piece of my brain that I hate reminds me of how unsure I felt when the lines appeared on the test…but when I fell, all I could think about was that I'd do anything, promise anything, give anything up just to keep her."

Johanna gently pulled her into an embrace. "That's how you know you're going to be a good mommy," she told her.

"I want her so badly," she murmured tearfully.

"You're going to have her, sweetheart."

"It still scares me though…she scares me. Babies always made me nervous…I wouldn't even babysit infants by myself; they had to be two and up unless it was an emergency."

"I know," Johanna said softly. "It's normal to be scared. I did babysit infants but I was still afraid of you when you were born."

"Why?"

"Because you were mine. It's always different when it's your own baby. The day we were being released from the hospital, the nurse brought you in for me to dress. She left us alone and I laid you on the bed and unwrapped your blanket. You were wearing your diaper and hospital undershirt…and suddenly you looked even smaller and more fragile than I thought. I stood there with that tiny sleeper in my hands wondering how I was going to get you into it; terrified I'd move and arm or a leg the wrong way and hurt you. My hands were shaking a little as I carefully finagled you into that sleeper, promising you the whole time that I'd get better at it…afraid that if I screwed up they wouldn't let me keep you and that just wasn't an option. Your hand curled around my finger while I was snapping up your sleeper and you looked at me like you had faith in me…despite my rambling and clumsy feeling fingers."

"I'm sure I had faith in you," Kate replied. "And they let you keep me."

She smiled. "They did. I got you into the sleeper and your little hat and sweater. I slipped those booties on your feet even though you had a sleeper on and I wrapped you in your receiving blanket and the pretty blanket your Grandma Lilly made for you. It wasn't a quick process…I was slow as a snail because I was trying to be so careful…but we got through it."

"You weren't afraid of me after that?"

"I didn't say that," Johanna laughed. "Once we were alone with you that first night home, we decided to bath you. I was nervous, your father was a basket case and you screamed your head off as soon as the first drop of water touched you. We panicked thinking we had the water too hot but it wasn't. We thought we hurt you when we undressed you but we didn't. Your father is saying we must be doing it wrong; I'm telling him I don't know how else we're supposed to do it; he's on the phone calling his mother…she's laughing and telling us that maybe we should move in with her for a week until we know what the hell we were doing. I told him to hang up and get the towel you were clean enough. Once I started drying you, you stopped crying…that's when we figured out that you didn't like to be bathed."

Kate laughed. "It's hard to believe I ever disliked baths."

"Oh you did the first few weeks of your life; you screamed your head off every time…until finally I took you to my mother's and told her I was going to bath you there so she could tell me what I was doing wrong."

"I'm sure you weren't doing anything wrong."

"Yes, I was," Johanna replied. "It wasn't just that you didn't like to be bathed; it was that I wasn't relaxed while bathing you and you sensed that. My mother told me I had to stop being so nervous about it; I wasn't going to break you. She also told me to talk to you while I was bathing you…I started doing those things and you settled down."

"Did Dad ever try to bath me to see if I wouldn't cry?"

"Hell no," her mother laughed. "He wasn't attempting that while you were a newborn; he just stood by holding the towel. Now when you got old enough to sit in the sink for your bath, he'd take a turn. When you were a newborn, he was more afraid of you than I was; if he was holding you and you'd let out a syllable of a cry; you were handed back. If you were crying in the bassinet, he needed to go make a call, he needed a shower, he needed to go the store; he always had to go do something. His favorite was going to the store for diapers…we had so many boxes of newborn sized diapers that you outgrew them before we got through them all."

She laughed. "What did you do with the rest of them?"

"Donated them to Elizabeth's church; they were starting a program to help families in need and they needed baby items so I gave them the diapers you outgrew and several packs of wipes because your father had us stockpiled on those too."

"At least they didn't go to waste."

"That's the good thing about it; other babies got to use them…on the other hand; I would've liked him to stay home and hold you while I made the bottle…and you know, maybe it would've soothed you a little."

Kate laughed softly. "Did he at least feed me at times?"

"Yes; he liked feeding you, he just couldn't do the crying part," Johanna said lightly.

"What about diaper changes; did he do his share of those?"

She nodded. "Yeah; he did…after awhile."

"After awhile?"

"Once he stopped being afraid of you."

Kate smiled. "How old was I when you stopped being afraid of me?"

"You still terrify me at times."

"Mom," she chastened lightly.

"Okay, your job terrifies me…as for you yourself…once I got the hang of things I was mainly only afraid when you were sick," Johanna replied. "And I was a little nervous when you were a baby and your father had to go out of town once in awhile…but that was more about feeling secure than really being afraid of you. I just always felt we were safer when he was home…I still do."

"I know," she replied. "I want to go home…maybe I'd feel better if I could go home."

"Hopefully it won't be much longer, sweetheart. Rick's getting you a different doctor; once you've been checked by whoever that ends up being, maybe they'll let you go. Rick can continue to monitor you at home for concussion signs…but I really don't think you're going to have one."

"I don't either…I just want to know the baby is fine."

"She's going to be fine," Johanna assured.

"Why is it taking them so long to get a different doctor?"

"Well…depending on how smart he got; they might be taking turns punching him in some supply room somewhere," her mother replied. "If they're not here in the next ten minutes, I'll go find them, okay?"

Kate breathed deeply. "Alright."

"Drink some more of your Ginger Ale," Johanna coaxed; "Eat a few more crackers too…the baby's probably hungry."

Kate took a drink and then picked up a cracker as Johanna did her best not to worry about why it was taking her husband and son-in-law so long to get things straightened out. She hoped she wasn't going to have to bail anyone out of jail… the night was stressful enough.

* * *

A short while later, Castle and Jim entered Kate's hospital room. "What took so long?" Kate asked as her husband made his way to her side.

Castle sighed. "Well we had to wait to be seen by the head of the department…and then he had to go call the doctor in; I believe under the mistaken impression that he'd apologize and all would be well."

"But it wasn't?" Johanna asked.

"No," Jim said, slipping into place beside her. "The doctor was highly unapologetic and you'll be happy to know that he said that you are overbearing, dramatic and entitled."

"Is that right?" Johanna said, her brow rising.

"That's right…he said it must be where Katie gets it from."

"Did you punch him?" his wife asked.

"Believe me, sweetheart; I wanted to. I told him if he had said those things to your face; he would be a patient here and finding out first hand how the bedside manner is," Jim remarked. "That's when he was asked to leave and told that he'll be dealt with later."

"I wish I had punched him," Johanna muttered. "It would've been worth the bail money."

"Am I getting a new doctor?" Kate asked.

Castle nodded. "It's taken care of. You'll have a new doctor for your care and I've called your own doctor to come check things out in regard to the baby. The person we spoke to didn't think that was necessary but your father reminded him that it was your legal right to request your own doctor since she's affiliated with this hospital. She'll be here within a half hour."

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. At least I trust her. Did she have any problem with coming?"

"No, I explained everything to her and she said she'll examine you and do another sonogram."

"Is it safe to have two in one day?" she asked.

"I asked that question too," he assured; "She said there was no risk to you or the baby by having another one done."

"Okay…I would feel better having one done by her," she said quietly, her hand moving across her stomach.

Castle kissed her temple. "She's on her way; don't worry."

"Easier said than done."

"I know," he replied. "How have things been here?"

"She's had some morning sickness," Johanna told him. "I've been making her drink ginger ale and eat some crackers."

"Bet your ribs feel really good now," Castle said to his wife with a grimace.

"You don't know the half of it," Kate replied before glancing to her father. "I didn't mean to ignore you, Dad."

"It's alright, Katie; you've got things on your mind," he replied before carefully kissing her forehead. "Did your mother throw anyone else out?"

"No," she smiled. "She's been busy watching me be sick."

"Not the first time," Jim replied. "I remember one time when you were a baby, I got ready for work and came downstairs and got you out of the highchair to play with you for a minute before I had to leave and you threw up all over me."

"I told you not to bounce her," Johanna stated; "She had just ate."

Jim nodded as he held his daughter's gaze. "I thought that thing about babies throwing up if they're bounced soon after eating was a myth…it's not, so there's my parenting advice to you. Don't bounce that kid after it eats; it will throw up and you will be late to work…and people will laugh."

Kate gave a soft laugh despite the ache it caused in her ribs. "Thanks for the advice, Dad. I hope it wasn't one of your favorite suits."

"Better," Jim said; "It was a brand new one."

"Guess you learned the hard way," his daughter quipped.

"You could say that; that's why I'm passing that knowledge on to you…and I won't be going through that again with my grandchild."

"He'll make me pick her up after she eats," Johanna stated. "That's what he did with you for a few weeks."

Kate gave her a smile. "At least he didn't just flee the scene."

"He probably would have but he was afraid I'd tell his mother and she'd yell at him again," Johanna replied lightly.

"Is that true, Jim?" Castle asked.

"Partly," he replied with a laugh. "If you knew my mother you'd understand."

"Grandma was good at lectures," Kate remarked.

"Yes, she was," her father agreed. "I came home for lunch that one day and she starts shushing me as soon as I got in the door because she had just put you down for a nap. I asked where your mother was and she told me she put her down for a nap too and then I was summoned to the kitchen to be yelled at while you both slept peacefully."

"You got what you deserved," Johanna quipped.

Jim slipped his arm around her waist. "I guess that is true. It was definitely a time of adjustment and learning."

Kate reached for her father's hand and held it for a moment as she tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm so tired," she murmured. "I want to go home and go to bed."

"You can't go to sleep yet," Castle stated. "You have to stay awake awhile longer because of the bump on your head."

She sighed deeply. "I think my head is fine…I just need to know that the baby is fine and then I want to sleep."

"No sleep until the doctor says so," her husband said firmly; "And even then I'll probably have to wake you on and off to make sure there aren't any signs of a concussion."

"Yeah; I know the drill," she muttered.

Johanna subtly caught her husband's eye; the unspoken sentiment between them that they wished these things weren't a normal part of their daughter's life.

* * *

"What time is it?" Johanna asked as she and Jim sat in the waiting room while Kate was examined by her own doctor.

"Ten-thirty," Jim said with a sigh.

"It feels even later than that."

"I know; it feels like it should be the middle of the night."

"That's probably when we'll get home," Johanna said as she shifted in the uncomfortable chair that was making her back ache. "I promised Katie we wouldn't leave until she was released."

"We're not going anywhere," Jim replied; "Not with rude doctors running around here upsetting people. I'm going to make sure he doesn't get anywhere near her again."

"I'm glad he's been dealt with. You know all the money they charge just to walk in the door of this place; you'd think they could afford to buy more comfortable chairs."

"I think they buy uncomfortable ones on purpose," her husband remarked.

She smiled. "So people will leave?"

Jim shook his head. "No, I figure they don't want people to get comfortable…if they're too comfortable they might die in the waiting room during the hours long wait to be seen. If you're uncomfortable; you'll keep moving around, the blood keeps flowing, you keep breathing."

"Jim," she chastened with a quiet laugh.

"It's probably the truth…think about it; people might settle in and expire during the wait and that's bad for business. But if they're squirming, they're alive."

She laughed quietly as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I see you've given this theory some thought."

Jim smiled as he leaned his cheek against the top of her head. "Well we have spent our share of time in waiting rooms over the years…it gives you time to think about such things."

"That's true."

"Work is going to drag like hell tomorrow," he commented.

"Depending on when we get home, we're going to drag like hell tomorrow," she replied. "Even if we get out of here at midnight; we have to take in account the time it takes to get home and for us to settle down…by then it'll be after one maybe even close to two."

"I know…we're probably not going to be on our A game tomorrow."

She breathed deeply. "I could probably cancel my first class and post a notice about the chapter to read…but they're supposed to have a test tomorrow."

"I'm sure you wouldn't get any complaints about it being postponed."

"Oh I know," she said lightly; "But then I'd have to juggle my lesson plan and I hate doing that. I like to stay on schedule as much as possible."

"I understand that; it's like when courts delay cases and then you have to re-do the whole damn schedule."

"Yeah…I don't miss that," Johanna replied. "I sometimes miss the courtroom but I definitely don't miss the last minute delays, postponements and whatever else they like to throw at you."

Jim nodded. "That's what I like best about my work now; that issue is never my problem anymore."

"I like that if they want you to travel, I get to go with you…unlike before," his wife remarked, her fingers entwining with his.

"That is a definite perk," he replied; warmth in his tone.

She sighed deeply. "Do you think it's taking too long?"

"What?"

"The exam…the doctor's been in there for awhile."

"No," he soothed. "She's just being thorough for Katie's peace of mind…and Katie probably has questions that she's answering. Everything is fine."

"I hope so," she murmured.

"It is," he said confidently. "Don't worry."

"That's like telling me not to be Italian," Johanna replied.

"I know…and don't forget the Irish side; your father wouldn't want you to forget the Irish."

"I never forget the Irish."

Silence fell between them and Jim did his best to take his own advice and not worry…but that was impossible as his wife had noted. It did seem like it was taking a long time…how much examining could there possibly be? He had a knot in his stomach the size of a brick and it wasn't the first time that he found himself wishing that his daughter would give up this line of work.

In the course of her career, he had been called to hospitals several times for minor injuries…after which he'd beg her to return to law school and give up this line of work. The answer was always no of course. Then there had been her shooting; when he waited, wishing it had been him instead…and when she had recovered enough that he knew it wouldn't be a danger to her; he begged even more for her to give it up. He had been told no then too. Earlier in the year, a few months before her wedding; Katie had her run in with Vulcan Simmons and he and Johanna had been called to the hospital then too. There hadn't been time to make his usual plea; his daughter had shut him down as soon as he stepped into her room…and outside the room, Richard Castle had been laying the whole thing at Johanna's feet.

Jim breathed deeply; allowing the melee of that night to play through his mind along with the weeks that had followed. It hadn't been an easy time…and now they were back in a hospital waiting room once again. Katie would be fine; they knew that for sure…but now they had to worry about their grandchild being in peril now…and for however long Kate remained in the field before she was placed on desk duty. He couldn't say anything though; he couldn't make his usual plea…not this time. He couldn't upset Katie in her condition and he didn't want her to be mad. It seemed like she had spent the majority of the past two years being mad at him and her mother for one thing or another no matter what they did and it would spill over to Rick who always had to pick up the banner and another war would erupt. He faired better than Johanna did; but still, things seemed to be settling over the last few months and he didn't want to rock the boat. He would just keep his worries to himself.

But he did wish she'd give up this line of work…especially now that she was going to be a mother.

"What are you thinking about?" Johanna asked quietly.

"Nothing much," Jim replied. "Just hoping we hear something soon."

"Me too. The longer we wait the sicker I feel."

"It'll be alright," he assured. "Surely it won't be much longer."

"I hope not," she sighed; "If it is, I'm going back to that room and find out for myself…and I don't care who likes it and who doesn't."

He smiled, brushing a kiss against her hair. "I'll be your back up."

"Okay; we give them twenty more minutes and then we storm the place."

"With law degrees in hand?" Jim asked with a laugh.

"I think I'm going to start carrying mine in my purse," Johanna remarked.

"You may as well; seems like everything else is there."

"You appreciate that when you have a headache when we're out somewhere."

"That's true…I also appreciate the stash of candy and gum."

'That's what I thought," she replied. "I can't help it that I have to carry a lot of stuff with me; I'm a woman, it's what we do."

"I don't know, sweetheart; your purses have gotten bigger over the years…I think you're following in your grandmother's footsteps…a big purse with everything in it but the kitchen sink."

"It does not have as much in it as Grandma Sophia's did. I just have essentials; wallet, keys, phone, makeup, notepad, pens, hairbrush, some gum and candy, some pain relievers, band-aids and my glasses. The occasional book and sometimes my tablet…and you know, the papers proving I'm legally your wife since your brother likes to call that into question during emergencies," Johanna said, an edge of bitterness in her tone.

Jim wrapped his arm around her. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Jo," he said quietly. "Michael had no right to do that and I told him so once I finally found out about it."

"It wasn't your fault," she murmured. "You were in surgery; you didn't know what was going on."

"I know…but I still feel bad about it. Damn appendix."

"All I was worried about was you," she remarked.

"I know," he sighed. "And now we're here again worrying about Katie and the baby."

"I'm really surprised that she hasn't given me an ulcer by now," Johanna replied. "Wouldn't you think I'd have an ulcer by now? I mean I've been worrying about her since the day I found out we were having her…it's almost like it's my second career."

"Hey, I'm right there with you," Jim said with a laugh. "We should both have ulcers."

"We probably will by the time we become grandparents," she remarked. "We should stock up on antacids."

"We'll put it on the list," he replied as he gave her shoulder a squeeze; hoping that they'd get an answer about the baby soon and that Katie would be released so they could all go home and breathe a little easier while praying that this would be the last scare of Katie's pregnancy.

* * *

As the twenty minute deadline approached, Castle made his way to the waiting room to give his in-laws an update on the situation. He could see the worry on their faces that they had been doing their best to keep hidden from him and Kate…not that he had been fooled of course. It was hard not to notice Johanna's foot occasionally tapping when they had been waiting on the doctor…hard not to notice her habit of twisting her rings either. He picked up on the fact that his father-in-law had a habit of rubbing the back of his neck when he was stressed or worried. If Kate had noticed, she hadn't said anything…but then again she was preoccupied with her own worries.

Jim glanced up and caught sight of him as he moved through the room. "What did the doctor say?" he asked as Johanna pulled herself away from the circle of his arm.

Castle plopped down in the chair across from them. "The baby's fine. Heartbeat is steady and normal; the sonogram showed no signs of distress or anything suspicious. She said the baby was showing normal movements for this stage of pregnancy."

"Did she let Katie see the screen?" Johanna asked. "That's part of what made her so untrusting of the other doctor; he wouldn't let her see the screen."

"Dr Jensen showed us the screen," he confirmed. "The baby looked like it was wiggling around…it's probably going to be a night owl and we'll never sleep again."

"But the baby is fine and healthy?" Johanna said, needing the additional reassurance that her grandchild was fine.

"Yes, the baby is fine. She examined her and there's no bleeding or leaking of fluid. She doesn't feel there's any danger of a miscarriage due to this incident. As a precautionary measure she is ordering her to take several days off work so she can take it easy and won't be at risk for another accident so soon after this one. She'll also have her come in for a follow up appointment in a day or so to check on the baby just to be safe."

Johanna breathed deeply. "Good, I'm glad to hear all of that. Does Katie feel better about it? Is she more reassured about the baby now?"

Castle nodded. "I think so. I think a lot of tension eased in her once the doctor turned the screen around so she could see the baby. The doctor also explained that her vest did help protect the baby. She also said that at this stage of pregnancy, the womb is still protected by the pelvic bone…I admit I wasn't following along close to that explanation because I was watching the baby on the screen…it looks like a jellybean," he said with a smile. "A jellybean with appendages of course."

His mother-in-law smiled a little. "Is that going to be the baby's nickname now?"

"Probably."

"At least it's not weather related," she remarked lightly. "As for the doctor's explanation; I remember my sister-in-law saying something along those lines once; she's a nurse. It means that the womb hasn't expanded yet, which is why she isn't showing…I think if I understood correctly about what Valerie said that time is that sometimes the risk is greater when you're showing than when you're not; because when you're not, the uterus is still where it's supposed to be and protected by those bones."

Castle scrubbed his hand over his face. "That makes sense. I probably should've paid more attention to that part…but you know."

"I know," she assured.

"Maybe we should've called your sister-in-law hours ago for that bit of assurance," he commented. "It might've helped."

"I didn't think about it or I would have," Johanna replied. "It's a shame Claire doesn't work on this floor. Katie would've felt better with Claire being her nurse."

"There's that law about treating family members," Jim stated.

"As long as they don't know, that can be gotten around," she remarked. "I don't think it should count for cousins anyway."

"What floor does Claire work on?" Castle asked.

"Labor and delivery," his mother-in-law answered.

"Good, maybe we'll see her in May," he remarked. "I won't say a word about them being related."

"Me neither," she agreed.

"I'll be in the waiting room and oblivious," Jim stated.

Silence fell for a moment before Johanna spoke once more. "Katie already said that the Captain will be sent a report about her injuries…and she's assuming the baby secret will be exposed in that…but I'm guessing it's going to be even more exposed by her doctor ordering her to take some time off."

"Yeah," Castle said with a nod; "The note from an OB-GYN is going to pretty much seal her fate in regard to Gates. Of course I figure the doctor here at the hospital is probably going to order a few days off too for the bump on the head and the sore ribs….but yeah; she's definitely going to know by morning."

"Any idea how that's going to blow up for Katie?" Jim asked. "Is there a risk for suspension for withholding the information given her line of work?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I hope not…but Gates is…well…she's…."

"Tough," Jim offered.

"Yes…and while she likes Kate; she also hates it when she keeps her in the dark on things…so this could be very not pretty."

"It might blowback on you too, Rick," Johanna said. "I have no doubt that Katie's going to get her ass chewed out but don't be surprised if the Captain doesn't take a swipe at you for not reporting it as well…since you do work there in a manner of speaking."

He grimaced a little. "Believe me, Johanna; that thought has already crossed my mind. She's isn't all that crazy about me in the first place."

"Maybe you should be taking her to lunch instead of me," she quipped.

"Ha ha," he replied. "If I thought that would work, I'd try it."

"I don't mind giving up my timeslot if you want to give it a shot."

He shook his head. "Nope; you're still on the hook. Nice try though."

She sighed a little. "When will Katie be released?"

"I don't know; the emergency room doctor we're being given still has to assess her in regard to her bump on the head and then he'll be the one to release her. I don't know when they'll get around to sending him in. If you two want to head home, you can; I'll text you updates."

Johanna shook her head. "I promised her we'd stay until she was sent home. I'm not going to break that promise. Can we go back in with her?"

"Yeah," he told them. "We probably should anyway to keep her awake. She's getting sleepy."

"Adrenalin is crashing," Jim said as they rose from their chairs. "She'll be getting cranky."

"Seems like she's cranky quite a bit lately," Castle replied; "But that will be our little secret."

"I'm not saying a word," Jim remarked as Johanna's hand slipped into his.

* * *

It was close to twelve-thirty when Kate was finally released that night. "How do you feel, Katie?" Johanna asked as she stood on the opposite side of the curtain while her daughter dressed.

"Tired," her daughter answered; "And I'm throwing these damn jeans in the garbage when I get home."

"Why?"

"Because they've been a pain in the ass to button all day," she said in exasperation. "I shouldn't be having this problem yet."

"Who told you that?" Johanna asked.

"No one; it's just common sense. I'm not even showing yet."

"That doesn't mean anything," her mother replied. "You retain water in the early months…and you do start to gain weight; not a lot but enough that some clothes start to feel uncomfortable. You do tend to wear your jeans snug…they're going to be the first to go, sweetheart."

Kate sighed deeply. "I'm not ready for this part. I'm not ready to buy maternity clothes especially before you can even tell I'm pregnant."

"You don't have to; just size up in regular clothes. That's mainly what I did; especially for work clothes."

"Guess I have to go buy some new jeans soon," she muttered as she tried once again to get her jeans buttoned without taking a deep breath.

"Do yourself a favor and go ahead and buy some bras in the next size up too…you'll notice soon enough that you'll need them. That was the first thing to go for me."

Another sigh crossed Kate's lips. "I can't get these buttoned again. What am I supposed to do? It was easier this morning when I could take a deep breath and suck it in without hurting my ribs."

"Are they zipped?"

"Yeah."

"Put your shirt on."

"It's on."

Johanna rounded the curtain and made her way to her daughter, tugging at the hem of her top to make sure it covered the waistband of her jeans. She think picked up Kate's jacket and held it out for her to slip into. Once she had, she zipped it up before Kate had the chance to and she made sure the bottom of the jacket covered the top of her jeans as well. "There," she said; "You can't tell they're unbuttoned with your jacket on; it'll do to get you home."

Kate nodded. "I can't wait to get home and put on pajamas."

"According to all the paperwork Rick is out there gathering, you'll be able to spend several days in your pajamas."

"Yeah…I'm sure I'll be hearing from Gates some time tomorrow," she said softly.

"I'm sure you will," Johanna replied. "I wish I could tell you that it won't be as bad as you think but I'm not sure it won't be…you're going to have to take your lumps for leaving her uninformed."

"I already have a lump," she said, gesturing to her head as she collected the rest of her belongings; "And I feel like I had an emotional breakdown…so you know; it could be said I've been punished enough…factor in my worries about the baby that I'll have for days and that increases my personal punishment."

"I'm not so sure she's going to see it that way," her mother replied as they made their way to the door. "But however she takes it; it'll be okay…maybe not right away but eventually."

"I know," she murmured. "I might be put on desk duty starting sooner than I expected because of this and I'll make my peace with that and not fight it or complain if that's what she chooses."

"Smart choice," Johanna agreed.

Kate paused before opening the door, turning to hug her mother for a moment. "Thanks for staying here all this time. I know you and Dad are tired and have to work tomorrow."

"It's not a problem, Katie," she replied; hugging her carefully. "We're just glad that you and the baby are fine."

Worry flicked across Kate's face. "I just hope it stays that way…I'm already looking forward to my follow up appointment with Dr. Jensen so the baby can be checked again."

"I don't blame you for feeling that way but I'm sure she's going to stay fine. My phone will be on at all times; I won't even silence it at work tomorrow so if you need me, you'll be able to reach me. I don't care what time it is, I don't care if I'm at work; if you need me you call," Johanna told her.

"I will," she promised.

Johanna gave her a reassuring smile and rubbed her arm as she released her. "Let's go collect our husbands and get the hell out of here."

"Believe me, I'm more than ready," Kate replied. "It feels like it's been days."

"I know; time will resume it's usual pace when you get home."

Kate gave her a small smile. "For you that will mean you will go to bed and feel like your alarm is going off five minutes later."

"It won't be the first time," she remarked.

"Are you girls ready?" Jim asked.

"We're ready," Johanna replied.

"Where's Castle?" Kate asked; her eyes scanning the hallway.

"He wanted to pull the car around so you wouldn't have so far to walk, Katie," her father replied. "I assured him that I could get you to the door without incident."

She nodded, her arm looping through his as Johanna stayed on her opposite side. "We didn't park all that far away but I'm not going to complain about being picked up at the door."

"You shouldn't," Jim stated; "He's had a long night too…so just let him do what he needs to do. He feels guilty that he couldn't grab you in time to keep you from falling."

"It wasn't his fault," she said as they made their way to the elevator.

"It doesn't matter…husbands always blame themselves when they can't prevent something. Trust me I know," he told her. "Your mother has that little scar on the palm of her hand from cutting herself with a knife I had left in the sink for her to wash and I still feel badly about it…and that's just a minor example."

"I understand, Dad," Kate replied as Johanna hit the button for the elevator.

"Remember what we talked about, Katie," Johanna told her while they waited. "Pregnancy is a happy time in a marriage but it can also be a difficult one too."

"I remember…I just hope someone told him the same thing so I'm not the only one trying to remember it."

Jim gave her a smile as the doors slid open. "I have it on good authority that the bug has been put in his ear; at least hopefully it registered well."

"I guess time will tell," Kate remarked; "All I want right now is to go home and go to sleep and let everything else take care of itself tomorrow."

"You're almost home," her father assured her; "Tomorrow might still be a little bumpy but it'll be fine."

"That's what you both keep telling me."

"Lucky for you," Jim said; "We're never wrong."

"I don't know about that," she replied.

"Jo; are we ever wrong?"

"No; especially about the stuff we already learned the hard way," Johanna answered.

"See," Jim said; "We're not wrong."

Kate gave him a smile. "I love you so I'll pretend to believe that you're never wrong…and I'm going to hope that you're right about all of this."

"We will be," Johanna assured. "And then I'll say I told you so."

"This might be the one time I look forward to that," Kate replied as she squeezed her mother's hand.

* * *

"You feel okay?" Castle asked for what he was sure was the hundredth time since they had gotten home.

"I'm fine," Kate replied. "I don't know why showers feel so good after leaving a hospital but they do…I needed that shower."

He smiled a little as he watched her toss her robe on the chair; her pink pajama top hanging off her shoulder a little. "I think it makes you feel normal again," he remarked.

"That's probably true," she said as he pulled back the covers for her to slip under. "Thank you," she murmured as she slipped into her spot.

"You're welcome. Can I get you anything else?"

"Is my Sprite still cold?"

"Yes, it is," he said, handing her the glass he had placed on the nightstand while she was in the shower.

Kate took a long drink of it and handed it back to him. "I'm good now."

Castle perched on the edge of the bed next to her. "You know I have to wake you up every so often…I'm setting the alarm to wake me if I doze off…so don't get mad."

"I won't," she promised; her fingers finding his and curling around them. "I'm sorry for the last few days, Castle. I know I've been crazy…I don't mean to be."

"I know," he assured. "It's okay…sometimes I forget not to take your mood swings personally…and sometimes I can't keep myself from being frustrated by some of them and I snap back at you."

"It's okay; I get it," she told him. "I'm sorry for tonight too; getting mad that you called my Mom and for the things I said. I didn't mean any of them…and I'm glad you called her."

"Neither one of us were at our best tonight," Castle replied. "We were worried and we were scared and we both lashed out a little. It's okay…I know you were just upset and I'm not holding any grudges over it."

"Me neither," she assured.

"I'm glad I called your mom too," he admitted. "She was able to do what I couldn't this time…she calmed you down…and she didn't get offended on your behalf when I said I needed to stay out in the waiting room for awhile and have some space."

"She understands those things," Kate replied quietly. "So does Dad…they've done been there and done all this."

He nodded. "Yeah; your Dad told me a few stories…it made me feel a little better about these little bumps in the road we've been having."

"I heard some stories too," she told him. "I think maybe if we just accept that we're going to have those moments, they won't seem so bad…at least when I'm thinking rationally," she said with a small smile.

"We'll both try to keep it in mind," he agreed. "I'm not always very rational myself and I don't have pregnancy hormones to blame."

"Maybe there's a male form," Kate teased.

"Could be; that will be something to Google while I'm waiting to wake you once you fall asleep."

She smiled, her hand caressing his cheek before her features turned serious. "I know you tried to grab me when I started to fall," she told him. "It wasn't your fault…I know that if you could've prevented it, you would have…I don't want you to feel bad but I know you will anyway just like I'm going to feel bad for being in that situation that could've caused harm to our baby…but I know you tried…I know you'd always try…so please don't think that I blame you in any way. It was an accident and neither one of us was able to stop it from happening."

Castle breathed deeply. "I do feel guilty for not being able to get a hold of you to keep it from happening…and I know you feel guilty too. But I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves that it didn't end up being as bad as it could've been and that you're fine and so is our little jellybean."

"Jellybean?" she said with a soft laugh.

"Yeah," he replied, his fingers brushing against her stomach. "It looked like a jellybean with appendages on the screen…it's my jellybean."

Kate leaned forward and kissed him. "That's a cute nickname."

"I'm glad you approve of it because it's embedded in my brain now and I won't be able to think of it as any other nickname," he said lightly.

"It's perfect; I like it," she replied; drawing him closer for a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too," Castle replied; capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "Don't worry; the baby's fine and it's going to stay that way…it's tough like its mother."

She gave him a wobbly smile. "I'll still worry."

"I know…but just rest and follow the orders the doctor gave and everything will be okay. I won't let anything happen…I promise."

It wasn't that simple, Kate thought to herself; the universe might not care about his promises…but she did and she'd believe it would be fine because it was his will.

"Lay down," he coaxed. "Get some sleep. I'll wake you in a little while."

"Okay…you'll stay here with me the whole time, won't you?"

"Yes; I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here beside you the whole time."

Kate made herself comfortable and kept hold of his hand as she allowed her eyes to close and the edges of sleep to wash over her.

* * *

"Did you set the alarm?" Johanna asked tiredly as she crawled into bed and settled next to her husband.

"Unfortunately," he replied. "I say we call in sick."

"You can…I can't; that would really blow my lesson plan," she muttered. "If it was earlier in the semester I would've considered it more but not in November. There's going to be time off for Thanksgiving and then only a couple weeks of December are used so time is tight at this point."

"I understand," Jim said as he tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm going to work too…I just wish I wasn't."

"I know; we're not going to get much sleep."

"We didn't get to have our movie night either," he commented.

"Tomorrow night…we'll do it tomorrow," his wife replied softly; "And we'll order pizza because I'm not cooking."

"Fine with me," Jim remarked. "We can use paper plates so you don't have to wash dishes if you want."

"Even better," she murmured.

"Did Katie let you know if she got home okay?" he asked.

"Yeah; they're home. She's fine…still nervous but fine."

"I think we'll all probably be on edge for a few days."

"You've got that right," Johanna replied. "I'll flinch every time the phone rings for a few days…but we've just got to keep reassuring her that the baby is going to be fine just like the doctor said."

"Any ideas of how to do that without sounding like a broken record to her?"

"After work I'm going to go buy her some jeans."

Jim glanced down at his wife in puzzlement, wondering if she was falling asleep and just not making sense. "Run that by me again."

"She couldn't get her jeans buttoned…I told her to just size up so she'll be more comfortable. I'll run to Macy's and get her a pair or two and take them to her…if I'm buying her bigger jeans that should show her that I'm confident that she'll need them."

"Okay, I'm with you now…I thought maybe that was one of those half asleep ideas I didn't understand."

She gave a soft huff of a laugh. "No; it's just the only thing I can think of right now that goes beyond words. I know she can afford to do her own shopping but maybe if I get her a pair or two it will show that confidence and she can take it from there."

"I think it's a good plan," he said, patting her hip. "Maybe it'll bring back a little excitement for her thinking about getting new clothes to accommodate the baby…maybe then she'll be thinking about the baby growing and not the bad things she's thinking about tonight."

"That's what I'm hoping…you check on her too through the day so she knows you're not just relying on information from me," Johanna told him. "I'm sure she knows that we think about her every day and all the time but she might need a little extra assurance of that and that we're sensitive to her concerns and not thinking of her as just hormonal."

"Already planned to text her a few times through the day," Jim replied. "I don't want her to think I'm not thinking about her or the baby because I will be…except for maybe when I'm falling asleep at my desk before lunch."

Johanna laughed softly. "I'll text you in between classes to see how you're faring."

"Please do."

"It's going to be a long day," she sighed.

"I know, sweetheart; but at least it'll be Friday…we can recover over the weekend."

"Thank God," Johanna muttered, raising up enough to kiss him goodnight. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied. "Go to sleep; everything will be alright."

She breathed deeply; her eyes closing as she snuggled close to him. It would be alright…she believed that with all her heart because she couldn't believe for a moment that the universe would be so cruel to their family a second time. No; it would be fine…her grandchild would stay put and be born in May, healthy and perfect just like her own baby had been. She just hoped Katie would keep herself convinced of that as well.

 _A/N: We'll find out how Kate fares with Gates in the next chapter and we'll see Johanna's visit as well._


End file.
